Dimitri POV

For some reason, I knew very well where I should look for her. I knew she wasn't injured after the accident - it was the first thing I checked as soon as I found out what had happened. I also knew that she had finished reporting and left the headquarters. Only my intuition told me that she would not want to go home right away after what happened.

I heard that Rose had been involved in a shooting at the Court, and I didn't ask any more questions but rushed to the site to see what had happened. There I found her safe and sound, although slightly shaken. She was trembling all over when I embraced her, and her hands seemed cold as ice.

Rose was the only guardian who realized that the door to the royal vault was unnaturally cracked. She decided to check it out and found one of the guardians there, loading the royal valuables into a bag. Rose asked him what he was doing, and he raised his gun in her direction and said that was her least concern. Rose threw herself to the ground, and a second later, a shot was fired where she stood. The quick escape allowed her to bring out the gun and shoot him in the stomach. As he bent in half and tried to fire another shot, Rose shot him right in the head.

The gunshots caused half the guardians to run to the scene, and I got word from my colleagues about what had happened. Rose's version was quickly confirmed by the cameras, so she was not charged with murder since she acted in self-defense. However, I knew by her pale face and absent look that there was something wrong.

I wanted to talk to her right away, but Hans insisted on taking her to the guardians' headquarters for a report and ordered me and another guardian to take care of the body. The haunted look in her eyes at the man as we carried him out of the room didn't escape my notice. A few corridors away, a medical team was already waiting to cover him with a dark sheet and take him away.

I got a message from one of my friends that Rose's interrogation was over quickly, so I wanted to look for her. I wasn't sure where she was, but something told me to direct my steps toward the historic church on the grounds of the Court.

The church here was never empty. Many Moroi belonged to the Orthodox Church, and in a place as populated as the Court one could find believers at any time of the day or night. Even so, the church was large enough to provide room for anyone who wanted to stay there. And that's where I found my Rose.

She was sitting in one of the last pews, with her hands folded in her lap and her gaze directed downward. I knew by the absent-mindedness of her face that she was immersed in her thoughts. My heart clenched at the sight of her tightened facial features. As I moved to sit beside her, she flinched in surprise.

"How did you know I was here?"

"I had a hunch," I answered truthfully, sitting down next to her. I wasn't sure what she would need, so I put my hand with the palm facing up so that it would be up to her to choose whether she wanted to grab me or not. I breathed a sigh of relief when her smaller, cool hand slid into mine.

"I finally understand why you like to go to church when you want to think," she admitted quietly, "I mean, I've always understood it, but now that I also understand the appeal."

I tried not to show my feelings but the very idea that my Rose would need that quiet space to rethink this traumatic event made my heart ache. I often sought solace in the sacred confines of temples, contemplating the lives I had taken, whether in defense of others or my own. I was also often a visitor to this church specifically when I wanted to reflect on all the murders I committed when I was a Strigoi. The reverential silence, the soft glow of candlelight, and the sacred atmosphere helped one accept what he or she had done. I ran my thumb gently over Rose's hand.

"And you, what did you want to think about?" I inquired gently.

Rose remained silent for a few moments, letting me stroke the top of her hand and listening to the quiet footsteps of the exiting believers. Finally, she took a deep breath and, looking ahead, revealed to me what was on her mind.

"It was the first time I had killed someone who was not a Strigoi."

I closed my eyes, feeling angry at myself. How could I not thought of this before? Rose had an impressive number of slain Strigoi and neutralized opponents, but she had never killed anyone who wasn't a Strigoi. This was difficult for any guardian to come to terms with, to accept. I squeezed her hand.

"You had no choice. It was self-defense."

"Maybe I could have shot differently," she mused, her expression distant, "Maybe I could have aimed for his hand."

"You didn't have time. You had to make sure he didn't shoot at you," I said quietly but firmly. Rose shuddered, thinking about the events of tonight.

"This is so... stupid. He wanted to steal some stuff from the vault, and of course, he should be arrested, but... I would never have killed him for it if he hadn't started shooting. Stealing wasn't worth his life," her words were getting out faster, as was her breathing, "And I don't know why he decided to do it. I will never know. But I do know that it wasn't worth his life, and I took it anyway. Did you know that he has a girlfriend here? Well, he had one. God…" She hid her face in her hands, and I put my hand on her back, stroking it in gentle motions.

"Rose, you had no choice. If you had, of course, you would have spared him. But you had to save yourself."

"This is also stupid, but... I don't know. I feel that if there had been a Moroi with me it would have been more justified because I would have saved him, right? And so it was just me against him."

"You had every right to save yourself, Roza," I said firmly, "Your life is just as valuable."

Rose said nothing to this. Even though I had been raised in this system all my life, I sometimes found it hard not to hate it. Especially watching now what he was doing to my Rose.

We stayed in silence for a while. She was immersed in her thoughts, and I concentrated on massaging her back in rhythmic motions. I desperately wanted to make her feel better, to take this weight off her shoulders. I wanted to get her out of the state she was in, out of all those cruel thoughts in her head. Yet, I understood I couldn't go against her wishes. I was ready to be everything she would need - a confidant, a counselor, a companion in silence. I just didn't know if she needed closeness or space. I found her hand and squeezed it.

"What do you need?" I asked in a whisper. For the first time since I sat by her side, she looked at me. In her eyes, I saw many questions, sadness, and guilt. I wanted so badly to erase that look from her eyes, I just had to know how. I was afraid she would push me away to sort out her thoughts (as I unconsciously often did), but Rose found my hand and squeezed it lightly.

"Can you stay here with me for a while longer?" she asked quietly.

As an answer, I moved closer to her, putting my arm around her. She comfortably snuggled into me, laying her head on my shoulder. I felt her trembling slightly, so I began to rub her shoulders gently to loosen her up a bit. I breathed deeply, ready to stay with her as long as she needed.