31 December 1931

"My, you have a lot of patients," Peter observed the following morning as he stood in the surgery watching the waiting area slowly filling up. "I wouldn't have thought it, not today."

"Why, because it's New Year's Eve?" Siegfried replied, checking around the room to ensure he had everything he needed. "You thought everyone would be in the pub already?"

"Well, no not quite. I just assumed people would have better things to do."

"You know as well as I do that one cannot legislate for when an animal becomes ill. Anyway, won't whomever is looking after your own surgery have patients today? Or do you make it a rule not to see anyone on the last day of the year?" The comment was meant in jest, but Siegfried couldn't help but notice how Peter looked away, his expression wistful, and he wondered not for the first time if there was something wrong. "Everything all right?"

"Oh yes, yes of course," Peter replied hurriedly. "Just homesick I suppose. Shall I show in the first patient?"

"I suppose so. The sooner we start, the sooner we can have a drink."

The next few hours sped by as animal after animal was brought into the surgery. Two dogs, a cat, two rabbits, a ferret and, finally, a duck with a ring of plastic stuck around its neck. As he carefully removed it with scissors and wondered why the owner hadn't seen fit to do so herself, Siegfried caught sight of Peter watching from the corner, his eyes betraying a certain sadness that he found rather discomfiting and, as he bade the duck's owner on her way and closed the door over, he turned back to his friend with renewed determination.

"Right, spit it out."

Peter started suddenly and looked at him. "Spit what out?"

"Whatever it is that's bothering you. I know it's been some years since we've been in each other's company, Peter, but I've never seen you looking so…I don't rightly know how to describe it…melancholic? Something has clearly happened to put you in that state, or are you simply morose at the ending of another year?"

There was a lengthy silence before Peter spoke next and Siegfried was starting to regret his forthright approach, until his friend sighed heavily. "We can't all be as happy as you are Siegfried, though I understand that in your own little world, you can't see that."

He wasn't sure if the comment had been meant seriously or not, but Siegfried couldn't help but feel slightly taken aback. Peter's words hadn't been said with any sort of aggression or malice and yet he felt as though he had been wounded somehow by them. "I'm sorry," he said. "I had no idea you felt that way about me. I can only apologise if my conversation about Lily has…"

"No…" Peter sighed heavily again. "No, I'm sorry. I…I shouldn't have said that I…I bear you no ill will, Siegfried, none at all. You are quite entitled to be rapturously happy with Lily after all that you've suffered, and I have no wish to pour scorn on that. I suppose…I suppose I only wish for something akin to that for myself."

"You said before that you were too old to compromise."

"Yes, I did, didn't I? I suppose I am in a way, though an exception could be made for the right person."

"Shall we have a drink now then?" Siegfried asked, taking off his coat. "Mrs Hall isn't here but she'll have left the fire well stoked and you can unburden yourself of whatever it is that's grieving you.

Peter smiled, "I think it sounds like a wonderful idea."

"Splendid!" He led the way out of the surgery and into the sitting room, heading straight for the drinks cabinet and pouring them both large measures of the best whisky. "Now…" he settled himself into the armchair. "You were saying?"

"Oh…I don't know really. Just opining on how life could have been so different."

Siegfried said nothing, preferring to simply allow his friend to talk in a way that he clearly needed to. He sipped his liquor slowly as Peter stared into his glass and waited with bated breath for further revelations.

"You asked if there hadn't been anyone who may have 'turned my head'," Peter continued. "I must confess I was less than frank in my reply."

"Peter, it was none of my business, really…"

"No, I know you were asking from a good place, a kind place." Peter smiled. "I would imagine that when a man is as happy as you are, he wants everyone to feel the same. I can understand that. There was someone…someone I cared for very much at one time."

"And…?"

"I would have done anything for them, given up everything, gone anywhere. I was completely and utterly infatuated. Seems ridiculous for a man at my age, but perhaps you can understand some of how that must feel."

"Yes, of course," Siegfried said, "I've been lucky enough to feel that way twice in my life."

Peter looked at him. "I saw what losing Evelyn did to you. How wretched you felt, how inappropriately guilty…"

"I'm not sure my guilt was entirely inappropriate."

"But you must recognise now, surely, that you played no part in her death?"

Siegfried paused, thinking on Evelyn and on the feelings that he had learned in recent times to lock away and not dwell on. When he allowed them to creep back into his subconscious, he couldn't help but still blame himself for leaving her, for going to war, for putting her in the position of staying with her parents. In his darker moments, it often felt as though he had held her down and poured the milk down her throat himself, as ridiculous as it sounded. But he knew that it wasn't fair to Lily to allow those thoughts to overshadow the future they were building together and, little by little, he was trying to let them go completely. "I suppose I shall always feel some guilt."

Peter smiled, "And I suppose that simply speaks to your character. I won't pretend that my loss was anything akin to yours, but…" he sighed and sat back. "There were times when it felt almost like there had been a death."

"May I ask what happened between you and…this person?"

"It was my fault, entirely my fault. They were willing to give me all of themselves and I…well…I wasn't. I couldn't. I…" he paused. "I just couldn't."

Siegfried hadn't failed to notice that Peter hadn't used a pronoun when speaking about his lost love. He had said neither 'he' nor 'she' and he couldn't help but wonder if this omission suggested that Tristan was, as least partly, right in his depiction of Peter's character. "Was there a specific reason that you couldn't? When I first met Lily, I truly believed that I couldn't give her anything of myself because I was still bound to Evelyn. I felt as though I was betraying her in even contemplating loving another woman and yet…" he paused. "Could you not have found a way around your…difficulty?"

"Perhaps," Peter said. "If I had been willing to admit certain things to myself. But I wasn't and I still can't. It was unfair of me to expect anyone to put up with that level of…well…denial, I suppose. I don't blame them for walking away. But I know I've lost the one chance I had at happiness through my own stupidity." He leaned forwards suddenly and fixed Siegfried with a stern look. "Don't make the same mistake that I have Siegfried. Don't let anything come between you and Lily, not anything. I've seen how you look at her and how she looks at you. I recognise it from what I saw between you and Evelyn all those years ago. You've been given a second chance at true love and everlasting happiness. You have to grab it with both hands and hold onto it, promise me that you'll do that."

It had to be one of the longest most impassioned speeches about matters of the heart that he had ever heard his friend make and Siegfried found himself nodding in acquiescence. "On that score, you have no fear. I have no intention of losing Lily, none whatsoever."

"Good," Peter sat back and smiled again. "I shall be happy knowing that there are people out there who have more courage than I do and content myself with darling Bertie."

"Content…" Siegfried mused, recalling his own use of the word to Lily so many months earlier and how it paled into insignificance as an emotion when compared with what he felt for her now. "I suppose it's as good a word as any."

XXXX

"It's absolutely bloody freezing!" Tom declared, stamping his feet as he came into the kitchen and shivering. "I reckon the snow's coming again. You'll be lucky if it doesn't 'it in time for your big day."

"Oh, don't say that," Lily said as she swept the floor around the stove. "I don't want to be trying to make it to the church in snow three feet 'igh, thank you very much. I don't mind cold and I don't mind rain, but snow would just put the tin lid on it! Not to mention the fact that we'd probably never make it to Scotland." Saying the very words brought a warm sensation to her belly and she couldn't help but grin. In less than a month, she and Siegfried would be married and on their way to Edinburgh for their honeymoon. It had been, ironically, Tristan's suggestion and she had been surprised that Siegfried had agreed to it. As for herself, she had heard so much about the city that she was keen to see it, never having ventured across the border before.

"If we 'ave snow, you can bet Scotland will 'ave it ten times worse," Tom opined. "You could be spending your 'oneymoon at Skeldale House."

"I suppose that wouldn't be all bad."

"No, I suppose not. Are you done then, lass? Only I said I'd meet Henry and George at the Drovers at eight and it's almost five to."

"Yes, I'm coming," she replied, propping the broom up in the corner and wiping her hands on a cloth. "We mustn't keep Henry and George waiting."

"I'll miss first round if I'm not there on time."

"So, you might 'ave to put your 'and in your pocket?" she laughed. "Heaven forbid!"

Their jocular humour continued out of the house and into the van and Lily found herself feeling far happier than she ever remembered being at that time of year in the past. Ordinarily, she would have remained at the farm whilst her father imbibed but, this year, she was meeting Siegfried, Peter, Tristan and Mrs Hall and was thoroughly looking forward to it. As her father drove down into the village and the twinkle of the Christmas tree in the square appeared in front of them, her throat choked with emotion and she had to swallow hard against the hard lump.

"Ah, there she is!" Siegfried exclaimed when she walked through the door before descending on her and kissing her. "I'm so very glad you're here. Mrs Hall is boring me witless over wedding flowers and I do believe her conversation would be better directed towards you."

"Because you 'ave no interest in our wedding flowers?" she chided him gently.

"Of course I have great interest in them and I look forward to seeing them in place, but as for this evening…" he looked at her meaningfully and she squeezed his arm.

"Oh, go on and get drunk then. I'll talk to Audrey about the flowers." She watched indulgently as he loped back over to where Peter was waiting and, shaking her head, joined Mrs Hall in the corner.

"'e got this in for you," Mrs Hall said, passing her a glass. "And 'e's been watching that door for the last twenty minutes."

"So 'e can get out of talking about flowers," Lily laughed.

"Did 'e say I was boring 'im?"

"Something like that."

"The cheeky beggar! You'll 'ave to take a firm 'and with 'im Lily, you mark my words."

"I think you could be an 'ard act to follow."

"Oh, give over," Mrs Hall blushed. "I call it like I see it, that's all. You'll soon know all about that once you move in." She paused. "'ow are you feeling about that at any rate?"

"Well…" Lily paused, unsure as to what her true emotions on the subject were. Excitement? Apprehension? Fear? The other woman having posed the question, she wondered if it was the right time to discuss a few pertinent matters. "I suppose I'm a bit nervous."

Mrs Hall nodded sympathetically. "That's very understandable, a young woman like you with no experience but, and I'm no expert on Mr Farnon in that regard, I think you'll find 'im very accommodating."

"Accommodating?"

"Exactly. Remember, it'll be new for 'im too, 'aving been so long without 'is wife."

"I suppose I just wonder where my place is," she said thoughtfully. "I don't want to be seen to be displacing you, if you know what I mean." She paused as Mrs Hall looked at her in abject horror. "What? What is it?"

"Displacing me? I…well I…I've never…Mr Farnon and I…"

"Mr Farnon and you...what?"

"We 'ave never in this last year ever done anything...like that."

Lily frowned. "Done anything like what?"

"Anything…carnal. And I'll take on anyone who dares to say we 'ave!"

For a moment, Lily wondered if she had walked into an entirely different conversation and it was only when she realised what Mrs Hall was alluding to that she felt her face flush crimson, for more reason than the simple mention of the act. "No…I wasn't talking about…that."

"What were you talking about then?"

"I meant, moving into Skeldale House as Siegfried's wife and not really knowing my place in the 'ierarchy. I mean, you're still employed as 'ousekeeper so…what am I meant to do?"

"Oh…" the other woman's face relaxed and she let out a long breath. "Yes, I can see what you mean. I thought you meant…never mind. Well…" she took a long drink of ale. "You'll be the mistress of the 'ouse."

"But what does that mean? I've only ever been responsible for cooking and cleaning and the like and if that remains your role, what's mine? Surely I'm not expected to just sit around the 'ouse all day doing nothing."

"If Mr Farnon 'as 'is way you'll be in that surgery or out on calls with 'im. There won't be time for any sitting around the 'ouse," Mrs Hall smiled. "Unless, of course, you're bearing 'im a child, that is."

The thought brought a smile to Lily's face and a warm feeling inside. Glancing over to where Siegfried and Peter had now taken up a conversation with her father and some of the other locals, she imagined herself full with his child, and how that would make her feel. Being a mother was something she had always imagined for herself, yet never thought would ever be possible. Now, it seemed so tantalisingly close.

"You'll just 'ave to watch, mind," Mrs Hall continued. "It can 'appen quickly, you know. You might find you've no time for veterinary studies once you're married after all."

Lily pulled her gaze back to her companion. "Really, 'ow quickly?"

"I were only married three months by the time Edward was conceived."

"And you 'and't…before, I mean?"

"Gracious, no. Sure fire way to disaster that is."

"Ah Mrs H, Lily, how lovely to see you both looking so well!"

The arrival of Tristan into their conversation allowed Lily a moment to draw into herself and reflect on what the other woman had just said. A woman could fall quickly with a child, perhaps in a matter of weeks or months from the first encounter. She remembered what Siegfried had said, about the danger of pregnancy and yet how easily they had both pushed the fear to one side, being so caught up in their physical need for one another. As raucous laughter reverberated around her, she suddenly found herself trying to remember the last time she had had her monthly…

"Everything all right over here?" Siegfried's voice jolted her back to reality as his arm slid around her waist and pulled her into him.

"Yes, fine," she replied. "Though you smell like a brewery already."

"I don't know what you're talking about," he winked, then kissed her. "Do I taste like one too?"

"I should say."

"Well, it is the dawn of the new year and I can't help but be excited at what 1932 will bring. Marriage to you, a home together, our practice, a family…" he raised his eyebrows. "How many children would you like, darling?"

"I 'and't really given it much thought. 'ow many would you like?"

"Oh…three or four, at least."

"Three or four?" she laughed. "What do you think I am, a sow?"

"No, you're far lovelier than any sow I've ever seen. Far lovelier…" he kissed her again, his hands wandering down to her buttocks and gently squeezing.

"Don't you be getting any ideas," she pulled back. "There'll be no more of that, not until we're wed."

"You do surprise me. Wasn't it you who came to my room on Christmas Eve and presented herself to me in a complete state of undress?"

"Keep your voice down," she glanced around. "Can you imagine what me dad would say if 'e knew about that?"

"Another month and what he has to say won't matter."

"Exactly, another month. We need to make sure we wait."

He frowned at her, "What's caused this sudden attack of conscience? I admit that I've been rather vocal in my thoughts about what might happen were we to continue…enjoying each other, but I thought you were feeling rather carefree on that score."

"I was, but…"

"But what?"

She paused, wondering if she should let him in to the fear that had washed over her moments earlier when Mrs Hall had been speaking. The fear that, perhaps it was already too late, perhaps she had already fallen. If she did tell him, what would he say? What could he say? What could either of them do? And how would she even know for certain? It wasn't as though she could ask Dr Bellamy's advice on the matter. "But I just think it would be sod's law if we got caught out before the wedding."

"My darling, it's a month," he laughed, "A month. If anything were to happen, no-one would ever know."

"A doctor would."

"Yes, well any doctor would be bound by confidentiality now, wouldn't he?" he paused again on her silence and looked at her critically. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

"No," she shook her head, pushing the thoughts from her mind. He was at least partly right. Falling a month before their wedding would be nothing in comparison to falling several months before, and there was such a thing as babies being born before their full term, or so she had heard. "Everything's just coming together, that's all and I'd 'ate for anything to ruin it now."

"Having a child with you could never be considered ruination," he said quietly. "I never thought I'd have the chance to be a father. I thought all that had gone when I lost Evelyn. Then I met you and realised that I had been given a second chance. Let's not be fearful, my darling. There have already been too many things in our lives to have caused us pain."

She smiled, knowing that he was right. What could be more wonderful than knowing that in a few short weeks she would have a completely different life to the one that she had previously envisioned for herself. A life as his wife, as mistress of Skeldale House, a budding vet and, perhaps, a mother.

In the flurry of alcohol and conversation that followed, midnight was upon them before she felt she had had time to draw breath. As the countdown began and Siegfried pulled her into him, kissing her deeply on the final stroke of twelve, she knew that she was, perhaps, the luckiest girl in Darrowby.