Despite the snow having stopped falling, its relentless earlier tirade had left the roads difficult to navigate. As she made her way slowly from the village onto the road that would take her up to the Sharp farm, Lily felt every nerve in her body jangle. She wasn't sure if it was because of the conditions, or the thought of actually performing some sort of procedure on an animal on her own, but she felt herself grip the steering wheel tightly, her heart hammering in her chest. There were no other vehicles on the road, no-one else clearly as deluded as she was that it was a good idea to be out in the weather.
"It's not delusional," she said to herself. "I'm keen and eager and I want to 'elp. That's 'ow it should be, surely." Though there was no-one to respond to her, no-one to answer her questions or offer advice, she found herself talking aloud for the remainder of the journey, going over what she was going to say to George, what she was going to do and how she was going to, latterly, present it to Siegfried. Mrs Hall's words about something going wrong and Siegfried being held liable hadn't been lost on her, but George was a kind man, and she knew he would be pleased that she had made the effort to come out.
Twenty minutes or so later, she turned into the farmyard and shut off the engine, George suddenly appearing before her, a lamp in his hand. "It's a bugger of a night," he greeted her as she retrieved the bag and climbed down from the driver's seat. "I wouldn't be surprised if we didn't get more snow before morning."
"I agree," she replied, "let's 'ave a look at these sheep then."
"I were surprised when Mrs Hall said you would be coming up 'ere. Figured I'd need to call Paddy Trotter."
"No need for that, not when I'm available," she replied with as much confidence as she could muster under the circumstances. "I 'ope that's all right with you."
"If Mr Farnon trusts you to do this on your own, then I trust you."
"Yes…" she paused, thinking it best not to tell him that Siegfried had no actual knowledge of what she was doing. "Is it the same as before then?"
"Seems to be," he replied, leading her into the shed. "I've separated them out again, put the sick ones back 'ere. Just two of them this time."
"Well, that's something at least." She paused at the side of the pen and looked inside. Both sheep were wandering around somewhat aimlessly, salivating excessively, but fortunately neither of them were on the ground or seemed too far gone for her to help. "Are these the first ones you've noticed since the last time?"
"Aye, and I cleared the field like Mr Farnon said I should, so I don't know where this 'as come from."
"The others seem all right?"
"For the moment."
"Right then," she set the bag down on the ground and opened it, rooting around for the vials and syringes, all the time attempting to project an air of confidence. In her head, she imagined Siegfried with her, guiding her, telling her what to do for each step in the process. It seemed straightforward enough and yet her hands shook as she tried to insert the delicate syringe into the neck of the appropriate vial.
"You're just going to give them an injection again then? Like Mr Farnon did the last time?"
"Yes, tetracycline." Finally drawing up the first syringe, she stepped over the side of the pen and motioned for him to join her. "Could you 'old 'er for me, please? That's it." As George held the sheep still, she took a deep breath, conjuring up the image of how Siegfried had done it the last time, and made to insert the needle, hesitating slightly as she felt the tough skin of the animal fight against it.
"Reckon that looks right," George said, and she looked up gratefully to see him nodding encouragingly at her. Without further hesitation, she pushed the needle in and depressed the plunger, the animal bucking slightly at the action.
"One down…" she muttered as he let the first one loose and grabbed hold of the second. "One to go." The action repeated, she straightened and stood back to watch as they both moved to the corner of the pen. "That should do the trick, 'opefully. If there's any other problem, just phone back and I'll tell Siegfried what's 'appened so 'e knows to check up in a few days time. If this weather 'olds, we'll not be making it to Scotland for our 'oneymoon at any rate."
"Of course, you're getting married on Saturday," George smiled. "I 'ope it turns out a decent day for you."
She smiled, packing the bag up again and following him back into the yard. "Well at least it's stopped snowing," she cast her eyes heavenwards. "Something to be said for that."
"That there is." He paused and eyed her critically. "You said you'd tell Mr Farnon what 'ad 'appened. Does that mean 'e doesn't know you were coming up 'ere?" She paused, wondering whether to embellish the truth and say that Siegfried had encouraged her, but before she could speak, George smiled and shook his head. "Done a grand job for your first time."
"Thank you," she let out a small laugh of relief. "I'm only glad you didn't phone to say you 'ad a beast calving or something. I might 'ave 'ad a bit more 'esitation in coming out to that!"
"You keep at this and you'll be calving beasts before you know it." He patted her on the shoulder. "Safe back to the village now, you 'ear? I'll give the surgery a ring and let Mrs Hall know you're on your way back."
"That's kind, thank you."
"And enjoy your big day. 'appiest day of your life."
"I will," she replied, climbing back up in the van and starting the engine. "Goodnight." He touched his cap to her as she put the van into gear and turned in the yard to head back down the road to Darrowby. As she did so, she felt a wide grin spread uncontrollably across her face. She had done it. She had actually done it. She had ministered to an animal all by herself and though it perhaps hadn't been the most complicated or taxing of treatment, the very fact that she had done it made her feel so happy and alive. Everything in her life was changing, everything, and it all seemed to be for the better. Perhaps Siegfried's notion of her becoming a vet, a partner with him, hadn't been so fanciful after all. Perhaps she could learn, maybe even take exams like Tristan, and maybe one day they could all work together at Skeldale House. Added to that, being Siegfried's wife and hopefully bearing him children…there was so much wonderfulness all around that she found herself laughing joyously as she turned to head down Hodden Hill. "Wait until I tell Mrs Hall and Emily," she said to herself, "not exactly what a bride expects to be doing a few nights before 'er wedding."
The road was more slippery than she had thought it would be, the fallen snow having started to freeze in places with the continued drop in temperature. As she gingerly progressed down the hill, she felt a sudden wave of anxiety sweep over her at the darkness ahead and how unstable the van felt under her control. Though she remained in a low gear and well below any speed that could be considered excessive, she felt the vehicle slide underneath her, its tyres failing to adequately grip the surface. As she descended, she felt its speed inevitably start to pick up, and though she knew it was entirely the wrong thing to do, found herself pressing instinctively down on the brake pedal. The back wheels started to skid, and she yanked the steering wheel in the same direction, trying to remember everything her father had ever told her about driving, whilst simultaneously fighting to control the panic that was rising within her.
The van was beginning to gain more speed and she knew that, up ahead, was the sharp turn that bordered the edge of Dick Rudd's land which then dropped down into the field below. If she wasn't careful and judged her manoeuvres correctly, it was a certainty that she would end up ploughing through the fence.
"Steady, steady…" she whispered, clutching the wheel as though it were her lifeline and keeping her eyes fixated on the road ahead. A few moments longer and she would be around the bend and back onto the straight. Then, in theory, it would be an easy ride back to the village. Suddenly, from over the brow, the lights of another vehicle dazzled her, and she took her foot off the brake, causing the van to start hurtling faster down the hill. Twisting the wheel wildly, she felt the back end swing out, causing the entire vehicle to suddenly spin into the path of that which was oncoming. She turned the wheel in the opposite direction, desperate to avoid a collision, only for the van to suddenly strike the fence at speed, crashing through it and jolting violently down into the field.
Before she had time to draw breath to scream, one of the wheels caught a patch of earth, and the van flipped, rolling over and over itself as it continued its terrible journey, her entire body smashing against the interior, her world hurtling in a crazed circle, before finally coming to rest on its side.
For a moment, everything was still.
For a moment, she thought she might be unhurt.
For a moment, she thought she might be able to get out.
For a moment.
XXXX
Siegfried could barely see, barely think, his mind so addled with drink. He knew that Tom was beside him, swaying dangerously as they made their way through the square, sliding at various points on the frozen ground, actions that made him laugh somewhat inappropriately. Were he to fall and break a leg, how would that affect the wedding? Would he be required to be wheeled down the aisle to meet his bride? It was a humorous thought, though one he knew Lily would most likely not share.
It had been a wonderful evening, more so than he would have thought possible, and in his continued interactions with his future father-in-law, he felt a growing kinship with them. They shared the pain of a terrible loss, that of each of their wives, but they also shared something else; their love for Lily and desire to see her happy. What reservations the other man might have had before appeared to have vapourised and all he now saw before him was the happiness of a conjoined family.
As they reached the door of Skeldale House, he saw that the lights were still on and he only hoped that Mrs Hall had stayed true to her word and left a few tasty snacks aside from the supper tray. His stomach was growling with hunger and his mouth felt bone dry, despite the earlier libations. As he pushed the door open, he felt grateful for the heat emanating from within, warming him against the icy chill of a January night, but it made his head swim and he reached out to steady himself against the wall, only to fall against the coat stand.
"You plonker" he heard Tom laugh behind him, remembering suddenly that the other man had followed him across from the pub in order for Lily to drive him home, and momentary concern rushed through him at what she might say at the state of their inebriation.
His blurred vision made out the form of Mrs Hall appearing, he assumed, from the direction of the sitting room. "Sorry…" he slurred. "I'm very sorry…" His voice sounded foreign to his own ears, as though he were a puppet, wobbling on strings, whilst someone else controlled his thoughts and speech. Whatever she might have said in response, however, was lost in the sudden rushing inside his head. He felt himself lurch forwards, seeking something else to hold onto, and instead falling unceremoniously to the floor. Hands were suddenly upon him, lifting him to his feet and there was a swirl of conversation around him, the content of which he was incapable of deciphering. He felt his feet move and was sure that he was in the sitting room, his hand stretching out to feel the comfort of the couch, before falling face down upon it.
He had no idea if Lily was there and, if so, if she was put out by his demeanour, but the voices around him suddenly seemed to grow more urgent, high pitched, with someone shaking him and calling his name, and the thought that something might be wrong briefly flitted through his mind before he gave in to the vagaries of an overindulgence of liquor and promptly passed out.
29 January 1932
He had no concept of what time it was and, initially, no concept of where he was. His face was pressed into some sort of soft material and it was only when he slowly moved his head to the side and ventured to open one eye that he realised that he was home, on the couch in the sitting room. The room was bathed in a pale light that momentarily hurt his eyes and he screwed them tightly shut as a dull banging sensation started in his head.
"Oh Lord…" he moaned to himself, enjoying the silent darkness for a few moments longer before once more seeking vision. Slowly, he tried to sit up, realising fairly quickly that he was still dressed in his clothes from the previous evening, though his coat, jacket and shoes had been removed, and there was a blanket lying in a heap on the floor where it had obviously found itself during the course of the night. "What time is it?" he squinted at the clock on the wall, failing miserably in accurately reading it. "Mrs Hall?"
Though his throat was as dry as paper and his voice incapable of carrying any great distance, she suddenly appeared in the doorway of the sitting room, her expression one of concern.
"Mrs Hall…" he muttered weakly, pulling himself into a seated position and holding his head between his hands. "Dear God…how much did I consume last night? No, don't answer that, I'm not sure I really want to know. I don't mind telling you I feel awful…" He waited for her rebuke, her tutting and head-shaking and pearls of wisdom over the dangers of allowing oneself to lose complete control, but there was nothing. No sound at all. He opened his eyes again, squinting in the dim light to make sure she was still there, only to find her hovering beside the armchair, twisting her hands together. "You're not normally silent on such a subject. Did I disgrace myself terribly?"
"Mr Farnon…"
"Did I make a complete fool of myself? I'm fairly certain that I did…oh dear…" he hunched forwards and put his head between his legs. "I think I may need some strong coffee before facing the day. I was right to do this last night rather than tonight. Can you imagine Lily's face if this was how I were to present myself on our wedding day?" Again, she said nothing, and he looked up to meet her gaze, confused at her continued lack of opinion. "Mrs Hall, you're unnerving me with your absence of annoyance at my obvious condition."
"You were very drunk when you came in last night," she said haltingly. "I tried to keep you roused…to tell you…but you collapsed 'ere and you've been laying 'ere ever since…"
"Tried to tell me what?" he winced as pain shot through his head. "Do we have any aspirin?"
"It's…it's Lily."
"What about her? Is she furious with me? I suppose I wouldn't blame her if she was. God…" Spying a glass of water on the coffee table in front of him, he lifted and drained it in one, the cool liquid a balm for his dry throat.
"Last night…there was a call…George Sharp 'ad a few sheep that weren't right. It were something to do with whatever it was that was wrong with them the last time you were up there…"
"Listeriosis? Yes, I remember…"
"Lily came to find you in the Drovers but, well, you were in no fit state to do anything so…so she decided to go up there 'erself."
He looked up sharply and then bitterly regretted, screwing his eyes shut once more. "She went up there herself?"
"Yes, she said that the sheep needed injecting, that she knew what to do, what to give them, that she'd been there the last time and that you'd talked about it afterwards. She were confident that she could do it."
"Well well…" a feeling of immense pride suddenly rushed through him. Everything he had tried to tell her, everything he had tried to show her…it was all starting to come together. She was beginning to believe in herself, after all of the self-doubt and derision. His fiancée. Very soon to be his wife. "Good for her, I'm glad."
"Mr Farnon…"
"She'll be feeling pretty proud of herself this morning, I shouldn't wonder. Assuming everything went all right, that is." He peered at her again and paused on her look. "Everything did go all right, didn't it? She didn't inject the beasts with the wrong medication or anything like that, did she?" He meant the comment to be light-hearted but, to his horror, tears suddenly began to form in her eyes. "Mrs Hall?"
"George…phoned to say that she were on 'er way back, that everything had gone fine but…" her voice shook, "but she never made it."
"Never made it? What are you talking about?" The lingering effects of his hangover monetarily forgotten, Siegfried felt a cold sensation suddenly course through him. In the year since he had been in Darrowby, he had never so much as seen Mrs Hall display anything close to upset or distress. His heart started to thud in his chest as tears escaped from her eyes and began trickling unchecked down her cheek. Slowly, he rose to his feet. "What is it? Mrs Hall, what's happened?"
"We waited, Emily and me, we waited thinking that it were just the weather delaying 'er but…but then Dick Rudd phoned and…'e said that there 'ad been an accident. The van 'ad…skidded somehow coming down Hodden Hill and…and crashed down into 'is field…"
"But…" he tried to take in what she was saying, the absurdity of it mingled with the effects of the alcohol slowing his thinking. "But Lily's a good driver. She…"
"Dick said 'e 'eard it, said it were like crashes of thunder and…and 'e ran out to 'elp. 'e got 'er out and…and Linda called for Dr Bellamy and 'e called for an ambulance…"
"An ambulance?"
"They took 'er to York and Mr Bailey…Dick came down to drive 'im over to the 'ospital and I tried to wake you…"
"No…no that can't be right…it can't be right…" She stifled a sob and he stepped forward quickly. "Have you heard from them? Is Lily all right?" On her silence, he grasped her roughly by the shoulders, causing her to momentarily cry out. Ordinarily, he would never have put hands on a woman, least of all her and, if he had, would have apologised immediately, stepped back and asked for forgiveness but now…Lily… "Mrs Hall, tell me! Tell me what you know, damnit!"
"I don't know anything!" she exclaimed, her face crumpling. "I 'aven't 'eard a word from the 'ospital or Mr Bailey since they left and…" He pushed past her, the rest of her words irrelevant. "Where are you going?"
"My keys," he said, rushing into the hallway and scanning the surrounding area. "Where are my keys? Mrs Hall, where are my damn keys?!" Before she could reply, he caught sight of them hanging, as they always did, on the hook and quickly grabbed them.
"You can't drive…"
"I have to get to the hospital."
"But you're not fit! You look terrible and you've 'ad so much to drink!"
"It doesn't matter!" he rounded on her and then suddenly felt light-headed, pain throbbing through his temples. "I have to…I have to get to her. I have to…"
"I'll drive you," she said decisively, wiping her hands roughly over her face. "We'll go together."
"All right but please, hurry!" he urged her as she ran to retrieve her handbag and coat. "I failed the last time and I can't fail this time!"
"The last time?" she queried, pausing at the front door.
"Evelyn. I failed Evelyn," he replied. "I can't fail Lily too."