Chapter 2

Waking up with a warm body pressing into my back was an experience I didn't know I needed in my life. The arms wrapped around me were soft, and the breath on the nape of my neck sent tingles down my spine. The fact that I was the little spoon in this precarious position didn't both me at all strangely enough, and I even found myself snuggling closer...don't judge me.

It took me a full minute of staring blankly at the wall for my mind to fully wake up. It took another twenty minutes before I tried to break free from the admittedly cozy entanglement. The moment I tried lifting the arm, it tightened, forcing me into the position I was in before.

The fact that I was being overpowered was one thing, but the soft, pillowy orbs I could now feel pressing against my back were waking up an entirely different problem.

"Good morning, dearest Miquella."

The voice sent a shiver up my spine. It came from just above my head, leading me to believe imprisoning me in her grip was no unconscious act.

"...Morning," I replied after some time, the body behind me pressing itself closer, which I had to resist the urge to groan and make sure her body didn't rub up on anything...sensitive.

"Did you sleep well?" She asked, to which I simply shrugged (as much as I could anyway).

Thankfully, the arm holding me loosened its grip, allowing me to finally breathe properly while depriving me of her warmth.

Looking over my shoulder proved to be the wrong move—or the right one for completely sinful reasons.

Her face inches away from mine was the first thing I saw. Her lips pressing into mine nearly made my brain short circuit. Unlike last night, she did not try forcing her tongue down my throat. In fact, this one was much more innocent in comparison.

The kiss was chaste, her cherry and cinnamon flavored lips pressing into mine and nothing further. Though her eyes were closed, mine were wide a saucers, not believing that, for the second day in a row, I was kissing a woman I only knew in fiction.

When she pulled back, her eyes opened slowly, and the intensity in her golden gaze, aimed at me, was breathtaking. If this wasn't every man's dream, then I didn't know men.

"Is something wrong?" Malenia asked, her golden orbs somehow shifting to concern somewhere in my stupification. My completely adult response was to turn away and think of anything that could stop my blood from rushing to the wrong place.

And I was NOT blushing, damnit! It was just hot in here!

"...Why are you in my bed?" I asked, knowing that I didn't remember anything past the part where she sloppily pledged her tongue down my throat.

"It is expected of me to sleep in the same bed as my Consort Eternal." She stated as if it were obvious, which only made these weird butterflies in my stomach do barrel rolls. I didn't know what to say after that, so opted to keep my mouth shut and continue my best impression of a statue. "Are you hungry?" She then asked, to which my stomach immediately rumbled.

Damn you cartoon logic.

If I thought I would be released to do my own thing, I was sadly mistaken. Instead, when Malenia exited the bed, she took me along for the ride, holding me in tightly to her chest as if she were a child and I were her favorite doll.

My expression was flat as we traversed the halls. Not only was I being carried, but the fact that the only thing capable of touching the ground was my hair hurt for reasons I couldn't explain. Malenia didn't stop pass go as we made our way through the mansion, and I wondered briefly whether she was doing this because she enjoyed it or was just taking her job of being a 'guiding hand' far out of proportion.

The hallways were long, and the walk was silent. I could hear the wildlife coming from the windows, but there didn't seem to be any activity inside the house.

That all changed when we reached the kitchen.

The moment we turned into the admittedly large room, the bustling activity immediately reached my ear. The sound of a knife hitting a cutting board reached my ear first, followed closely by chatter.

We got the attention of everyone almost instantly, and I felt myself being stared at as if they'd never seen an Amazon holding a metrically challenged young man. Everyone that was at my bedside yesterday was present, all but the Fedora guy giving me the look one would give finding a long-lost friend.

"Lord Miquella!" The short one, the maid, exclaimed before running towards us with the knife she had been previously chopping lettuce with. She stopped in front of us, her big, silver eyes already filled with water. Even then, I couldn't stop looking at the knife that was now dangerously close to both her face and my leg. "A-are you alright, Lord Miquella? The healers said your soul was damaged, but wouldn't tell me what that meant! Are you OK? It's not fatal, is it? You're not gonna die, right, I really don't want you to die I don't know what I would do if you had-"

"Ruby." Malenia cut the girl's rambling off, giving me time to process the mouth vomit of words in an orderly manner while she stared up at me with those puppy dog eyes that were begging me to answer with positive news. "Miquella, this is Ruby Rose. A dhampir, and our most recent addition to our house."

I blinked down at the girl, because there was no way I just heard what I just heard. At first, I thought it was just a coincidence that she looked so similar to the psuedo-anime character, but looking closer at that face combined with the name all but proved it.

Ruby Rose, team leader of RWBY, and the current holder of a fragment of the Elden Ring. Memories of her only go back about two months, but nothing else. Her origin story might have been important somewhere, but I couldn't put the pieces together.

As to why she in particular was here was also unknown to me.

The only reason I could even think of her being here was that her soul was transferred over like mine, or maybe she was just a lookalike. I didn't know exactly what fictional world all of us had landed in, but I was almost positive it wasn't Remnant—the fact she was a dhampir (whatever that was) being a pretty big indicator.

Either way, the fact that the person who was the protagonist of the pseudo-anime I'd watched years ago left me momentarily dazed.

"Your timing couldn't be more perfect." Malenia said to the room at large, my attention breaking from the young girl to look up at the Amazon currently holding me. As if to embarrass me further, she held me out in front of her as if to display me to the room, nearly skewering my leg on the knife in the maid's hand if she hadn't swiftly backed up. "My Brother has awakened, and is hungry. Feed him."

Her tone broke no argument, and the moment it clicked in everyone's head, Ruby was scrabbling back to the cutting board, the brown-haired girl in the school uniform readied the table, and the guy in the Fedora...well, he didn't really move much aside from going back to the drink he'd been sipping on. As for me, I returned to my consort's arms before being marched over to a chair at the round table.

The moment we sat down, the smell of food sizzling hit me. The scent was foreign, but it made my mouth water all the same and distracted me from the fact I was now sitting in the demi-goddess's lap like a prepubescent child.

"It is good to see you awake, Lord Miquella." The smooth voice caught my attention, making me look in the direction of the only other man at the table. I blinked at the man. Unlike Ruby, his origins were a lot more straight forward.

80 years ago, he was born, and kidnapped by yours truly. The fragment of the Elden Ring was sensed almost immediately upon his birth, and what does Kind Miquella do?

Well, arranges his and his mother's deaths in an explosion that took out an entire hospital off the face of the map, pissing off a particular dictator and starting the largest homicide known to recent history books.

Yes, this son of a bitch was the son of Adolf fucking Hitler himself—something I wouldn't have even known if the Kind bastard himself hadn't personally changed his name from his dear daddy's the same day he was kidnapped. It was the one, and only plus in that entire fucked up situation, and if I didn't think Miquella needed to die before, then being the reason for the start of World War II was definitely the nail that needed to be hammered into his coffin.

"Ah, forgive me. I forget your mind isn't the same as it once was." He apologized, removing his hat to show white hair slicked back without a strand out of place. "My name is Vergil, a devil in service to your order."

I hummed at the introduction, trying my best not to freak at the fact I had an icon videogame legend sitting in front of me! Many DMC fans would have certainly preferred the younger brother seeing as he was the main attraction and all, but no one who has placed MVC3 or listened to 'Bury the Light' would ever choose the stylish demon slayer over his overpowered brother...even if we like to not talk about this particular version of him.

A nudge from Malenia broke me out of my stupor, forcing me to give a more dignified response. "Sorry about that. It's nice to meet you." I answered sheepishly, much to the approval of my consort and the devil.

"I took no offense. You are likely still gathering yourself, so a bit of confusion is to be expected. I am just happy that we are preparing breakfast at this moment and not your funeral." He chuckled, the attempt at humor momentarily stunning me because Vergil Sparda did not do 'humor'.

"Th-that's fine. Kinda glad I'm not dead myself, y'know." I laughed back, to which the man's face suddenly went completely neutral. "What?" I asked, to which he began observing me close while massaging his chin.

"I have to say, it is, weird to hear such a drastic change in your speech pattern. It's as if you're a completely different person."

"U-um," I stammered, not sure what to say to his pondering.

"Soul Fractures affect the mind differently for everyone." Malenia came to my rescue. "My brother's soul has to compete with another. Though his was victorious, it was not without consequences. In this case, he lost centuries of memories and knowledge that were replaced with ones from the life of the other."

Vergil nodded in understanding, a bit of interest showing in his gaze as he stared at me. "I regret to say I'm not very knowledgeable on this subject. Things like that are more up Aizen's alley."

"Aizen?" I asked, not remembering another male at my bedside last night.

"He's the expert in science and magic. Doesn't really leave his room unless it's to leave for work, or gather ingredients for his experiments." Another voice joined the conversation, sitting down a bottle of syrup and ketchup before seating herself next to the hybrid.

"Ah, this is Edelgard Von Hresvelg. She is human, yet possesses strength that far outclasses even adult bodybuilders...despite her height."

Edelgard turned slowly to the hybrid, her face incredulous as she asked, "I'll ignore that comment for now, but know that I will not be so tolerant in the future."

"I felt it prudent to warn our Lord at your expense. Wouldn't want him underestimating you." Vergil intoned innocently, yet Edelgard was not amused.

Once again, I found myself staring in awe.

Edelgard Von Hresvelg? As in, revolutionary Edelgard Von Hresvelg? The Emperor? Second best girl of the Black Eagles? Could this day get any frickin' better?!

Wait.

I looked at Edelgard closely before a very important fact about her had my mouth fall open.

What the hell happened to her hair?! The silver was perfect! It matched so well with her character! It made her stand out! The metallic bronze wasn't necessarily bad, but it completely took away the exotic feel!

What the fuck, world!

So lost was I in my own excitement that I completely forgot about the former emperor's origin story.

"Is there something wrong, my Lord?" The Emperor of Adrestia asked nervously, obviously uncomfortable at being stared at.

"N-nothing. Just, you have nice hair." I lied through my teeth.

"I suppose it is rather nice." Malenia piped in dryly behind me, making the emperor stiffen for some reason while the devil chuckled in amusement.

"Breakfast is ready!" Came the excited cry as Ruby Rose slammed three plates onto the round table. My eyes practically turned into stars at seeing the delectable masterpiece stacked in front of me.

Eggs, soft and fluffy, sat around a mountain of sausage and bacon on the first plate. Next to it were several different breads, ranging from croissants to bagels. On the final plate were a tower of brownies, drizzled with powdered sugar and chocolate syrup.

It was an American meal if I'd ever seen one.

Vergil and Edelgard clearly shared my thoughts, though in a more conservative manner. That didn't mean I didn't catch the way their eyes literally sparkled at the sight, my mind completely ignoring the impossibility of the very supernatural phenomenon.

Ruby stood proudly with hands on her hips as we all filled our plates with as much as our plates could hold. Only when we were content with our portions did she make her own plate and join us at the table.

That's when the conundrum began.

"Aaaaaahh." I stared blankly at the fork of food being held up to my mouth. Creaking my head upward, my eyes met my consort's, her face unabashed. "Are you not hungry, Dear Brother?"

I was, very much so. Thing is, I was not a child, and I believe it was about time I put my foot down on that matter.

"I can feed myself." I stated, deepening my tone instinctively to convey the message. It only proved to make me sound like a kid trying to sound like an adult.

"I cannot possibly let my Lord strain himself in such trying times. Until you are better, I am prepared to tend to your every need."

"...I'm an adult." I argued.

"But you are ill."

"I can take care of myself."

"Sounds like something a kid would say." Came the unwanted comment from the son of Hitler, cutting his sausage ever so delicately as I mentally flipped him off (because doing it in the real world would likely turn me into a YouTube clip).

I turned to Edelgard and Ruby, hoping either of them would help, but both were too busy with their own meal to rescue me from the fork of food currently prodding my mouth to enter.

Eventually, I caved, and opened wide for the airplane. I chewed, swallowed, and against my own pride, asked for more. If Malenia couldn't skewer me with the same fork she was currently feeding me with, I would have definitely put up more of a fight...definitely. Instead, I spent the entire breakfast being spoon-fed by an overly eager Empyrean, all the while her co-conspirators watched with barely concealed mirth.

By the end of it, I was stuffed, my stomach bulging in what was thankfully not my previous dad bod. In spite of that, I looked to the brownie tower eagerly. If the breakfast was this good, then I can only imagine what the dessert was like. Seeing the opportunity, I reached for the spoon on the shared plate.

Only to find my wrist grasped firmly in the grip of my consort's. Once again, I cranked my head up to look at her, my frustration plain to see.

"I think you've had more than enough." She said, her tone holding an emotion that I couldn't discern.

"I'm pretty sure I know my own body." I said defensively, even if that wasn't necessarily true at the moment.

"You are still ill, dear Brother." She reused her earlier excuse.

"I'm pretty sure one slice of a brownie isn't gonna kill me." I argued, to which I could see her visibly struggle for a reply.

"It's OK, ma'am," Ruby reassured my consort, a shine in her silver eyes. "I took master's health into consideration when baking this dish, so it doesn't carry nearly as many calories as it normally would! I swear you guys will like it this time!" She looked to everyone at the table with the last remark.

Strangely enough, Edelgard and Vergil seemed to go paler than they already were.

"I-I'd love to, but I am quite full already. I must be off to school now, so please save mine for later." With that, the emperor dismissed herself a little too quickly for my liking.

The student gone, Ruby turned her pleading orbs on the devil, who instantly held his hands up in defense. "Th-that won't be necessary, Miss Rose. I'm on a diet." Vergil dodged expertly, which we all knew was a bald-faced lie considering he just ate a full plate of eggs and bacon.

As her gaze landed on me, I noted that they had turned from eager to pleading, making me lose my appetite. I tried to deny, really I did, but the more I tried to force my answer from my lips, the bigger those eyes got.

"...Fine." I relented, not wanting to disappoint her. She beamed at my response, a smile as bright as the sun shining on her face before a scoop of the treat was shoved in my face (I didn't even see her do it).

Well, it couldn't be that bad. This was Ruby we were talking about here. The same girl who could eat an entire bowl of cookies if you were stupid enough to leave them unattended. How can she screw up brownies when her breakfast and baking skills were 10/10?

I opened my mouth, and the spoon went in almost immediately.

I closed and chewed, allowing my taste buds to do their thing. The dessert rolled around my tongue, making sure what I was tasting was actually what I was tasting.

Seconds later, my mouth opened, and the brownie rolled off my tongue to land on the floor. I stared down at it, my tongue still out and my expression pitiful.

"W-whaf waf fhaf!" I spoke over my tongue, my face twisted as I wiped my tongue on the back of my hand. "Why is it so salty?!"

"It's saltwater caramel!" Ruby replied happily, not seeing the problem at all. "I wanted to try something new, so I combined caramel, vanilla extract, and a lot of sea salt! This used to be your favorite, so I thought adding as much salt as possible would make you so nostalgic that your memories would just 'pop' right back into your head! So? Are you remembering anything yet?"

Oh yes, it very well did bring a memory back. A memory of the same tower standing before me as a shaking hand reached a spoon out and grabbed the same piece I had, size and all. Ruby was watching closely with that same googly eyed smile, while Miquella was filled with so much fear that I didn't know if it was mine or his. I watched her face light up in joy as the demi-god consumed the entire catastrophe, then I watched in further horror as she brought out yet another plate of the travesty.

I couldn't see Miquella's face, but I knew he was crying, both on the inside and out.

And now, I was in his shoes.

I didn't have the words to describe the horror that had been committed to my tongue. What sane human being added salt to a fucking brownie? I could taste the caramel and chocolate syrup, but only their salty tears as the sea salt battered them maliciously against my tongue.

This was a crime! A goddamn crime!

"Ruby..." I started, taking her name and holding it above her like an executioner's axe. She blinked expectedly, her smile widening as she waited to hear my words of praise.

I faultered.

"Um..." I tried, yet the more I tried, the bigger her eyes seemed to get. They were practically the size of cue balls at this point, and they were both freaking me out and making me feel like the biggest piece of shit on the planet. "...Can you please wrap the rest up to save for later? I...want to savor later."

I folded.

"I'm so glad you liked it! I promise to make twice as meeting next time! Enough to knock your socks clean off! Just you wait! My brownies will be the cure that you need!" Ruby beamed, making me regret instantly. I could only stare blankly ahead as the maid packed the entire tray of dessert away before zooming towards the fridge. Only when I knew she was out of earshot did I address the other two at the table.

"As my most loyal vassals, I hereby order both of you to do whatever it takes to throw that travesty in a pit of fire and make sure it is never made in this household ever again. Do I make myself clear?"

Words could not describe how happy I was when both gave their own form of agreement.

A/N: Now you see some of the comedy aspects coming in. Will be more in the future.

You now see the cast for this story, a long with one other (Aizen) who shall appear much later. I wonder which Aizen this one is from (~•_•)

Nothing to say really. Just want to thank those currently supporting the story. Will have another chapter out later today since this one was kinda short.

As always, don't forget to follow, fav, review, and have a DAMN good day!