Waking up at the Vees building after an altercation with Alastor felt like a song on repeat. Only this time, the damage done was only to her heart. Possibly their future. To believe that everything that was once so certain, is now clouded. A void filled with uncertainties.

Nausea hits her again. Though this time, it brings a tentative smile to her lips as she caresses her stomach. "Easy, little one. I won't let you torment my body like this for nine months long…." To believe it hadn't even been 24 hours since the discovery of this life inside her and she already feels so… "Don't you worry though. I got you." Her stomach rumbles, which makes her chuckle.

Alright. Time for nutrients.

Cattaleya moves, and while getting dressed, ponders what nutrients she might actually be needing. For the baby. She has heard woman follow strict diets to make sure the child's growth is healthy and well. There are some foods that should be avoided but which ones? Is that even necessary as an angel? She is so in the unknown. Unprepared. Though she'll figure it out. Without or without guidance.

Going up to the Vees main penthouse, she is not surprised to see only Vox present, it being way too early for the others to be up and about. "Morning Vox."

Vox quickly swallows the gulp of coffee he had been calmly drinking before he puts it down in a slighter hurry. "H-Hey Cattaleya, morning to you too!" His plastered wide smile screams out his uneasiness.

"Velvette told you."

He rubs the back of his neck. "Yeah, she did… How are you feeling?"

"Hungry and nauseous. A combination I am trying to get used to." She says casually before she sits down on the couch next to him. "Anything bland would be welcome."

Vox pushes a few buttons on his phone. "Coming up." he then focuses back on her. Calculating eyes as he tries to find anything that might scream mental breakdown in her expression. "You seem…Pretty calm for the fact you just found out you got magically knocked up."

"You say it so lovely." She says as a joke, trying to lighten her own mood as well.

"Not buying it."

Cattaleya sighs out through her own nose before sinking back slightly more in the couch. "Well-" Her hand absentmindedly runs over her stomach once more. Perhaps a new habit that will get worse over time. "- I welcome this child. Like you said, it is magic. A miracle. I might be the only non hell born creature to ever conceive a child. Truly, I never thought about having a child. Not with the life I lived. It was impossible. But now, this is gifted upon us. And I fully intend on receiving this gift. Giving this child a life that I never had. All the love it deserves. Alastor-" She chokes on his name and grimaces before taking a deep breath and re-composing herself. "This child will be loved, no matter what."

Vox clears his throat as he taps his nails on his knee. "I already assumed you being here meant he did not take it… Okay."

Cattaleya shakes her head, not planning on clarifying, though when the silence stretches awkwardly she sighs. "He wanted to… Get rid of the child as soon as possible. Cut off the pregnancy. In his words, exterminate the abomination." Even Vox hisses at the harshness of it. "I fled, once more, from the man I love because of the claws and teeth he showed. Though this time, I may have cut him as well." Her own words just as harshly spewn at him as she ran. Just as sickening as his statements. It sickened her, the way they have torn eachother open. "I…" She looks down at the hand still on her stomach. "Do not know where we stand. I have made up my mind, a split second, a decision made by heart and instinct, that this child will be protected by me. Though I also think Alastor has made up his mind… As a result, we will have to face each other and… Make decisions."

She doesn't know how she can talk about it without completely withering down in agony. Any other situation, if she had to make a decision that might result in losing Alastor forever, she would have been destroyed. But with this child in play, their child, she can't wither. She can't falter. She has to be strong. Relentless in her choice. And everything after.

"And here I thought there wasn't anything that could pull you away from that freak. Your love seemed impenetrable."

"It still is but…. This is our love. At Least, a result of it. And I can't bear to…" She takes a deep breath. "I will have to speak to Alastor soon. I just… Need the distance first."

And she did take it, that distance. Kept her walls shut. And kept their child safe.

Shadows skitters anxiously along the walls of their apartment. Empty, except for the owner who sits in anguish in the dark. Days he had been alone. Days. Waiting. Nothing more than waiting. And thinking. Oh so much thinking. Thinking about everything that has fallen apart. So quickly. Without a chance to undo the damage or prevent it from ever escalating till this point.

She had fled from him. Again.

He has deeply wounded her. Again.

But… What choice did he have?

She is with child. She has to see reason, right? Once the emotions and hormones quiet down, his sensible tactical Dove will for certain see that he is right. That this is no place for a baby. That they can not raise one. It will be forever in danger. Forever a chance of it getting lost or die. That they can not be responsible for something so fragile. That he can not be responsible for such a fragile being.

It will perish as soon as he touches it. He will make it cry. He will not be able to nurture it. He will not be able to love it. He can not become a father. It is already by the Hells that he found out he can be a husband. That he found love in Cattaleya has been an exception. His love stops there. That is the boundary. It can not extend to another being. A child. And when it does not, when Cattaleya sees him looking at their child in disdain, a thing she will for certain hold dear, she will start to resent him for it. She will pull back from him.

Like she is doing already. The filthy thing is already driving a wedge between sooner it is gone, the sooner they can restore theit relationship.

Yes! That is simply it. In no time she will forget this mishap, this kink in their flawless relationship, once the thing is gone. He will shower her with so much genuine love and gifts that she will realize this was all just a stupid argument over nothing!

But she has not returned yet. Everytime he tried to connect with her through her bond, to ask her to come back, it was met with the wall she had pulled up. Concrete and big. Unmoving. He tested it every hour.

Alastor paces the room, hair and clothes disheveled by the madness he is experiencing. She will return. Right? She has to. She is his wife. He is her husband. She-

Don't you dare touch me!

She has to. She won't leave him-

I am not staying here in fear of you clawing our child out of me.

His legs feel weak and he has to stop his pacing to prevent himself from falling, light headed by the sheer realization…

For a split second, even if her words had been fueled by shock and emotions, she believed him to be such a monster that he would literally claw her open.

He drops down onto the chair and leans his elbows on the table as he grabs his hair.

W-Was he such a monster though. A serial killer, proudly. A cannibal, gladly. But the butcher of a baby….

It is NOT a baby. Not yet. If he does it now it means nothing. It means nothing.

It might mean everything to her.

That look of pure terror on her face. That hurt. The way her arms shielded the growing creature inside her womb. Does she truly want this thing?

That is something that has come from our love. Does it truly mean nothing to you?

She means everything to him. She. Only she. No one else. He is not going to lose her over this. He is not. How was he going to make her see? How?!

Perhaps if he tells her how dangerous child birth is. Yes! That might help convince her. Maternal death rate was already quite high on earth so it will be even worse here without doctors or hospitals to depend on! She for sure will not be so agreeable to have a child when she realizes it might cause her own death! Because it truly might happen.

And if she does not die, they will have to be taking care day and night of a little whining screaming demanding creature. It is simply too much trouble than it is worth! He simply can't! He is not made to be a father. Has never wanted to be one. Never learned how to be one. Even if his mother was a treasure of a woman, his father had abandoned him when he had been a young child. Old enough though to remember his father's parenting style. If it can even be called that. When Alastor got shunned and kicked by other children, his father merely whooped his ass even more for being such a sissy. The day he left without a word, was the luckiest day of his childhood. It left his mother devastated. Left her crying in sorrow in the middle of the night.

He can't be that man. He can't be a father. He can't parent. He can't fuck up a child and leave his love crying…

The call from Charlie was urgent.

Come home.

Apparently, Alastor had informed the other residents why she had suddenly disappeared overnight. Again. They had almost barged into their chambers. Instead, Alastor had let them in and told them the truth. Which was actually quite surprising. Cattaleya must admit she had thought him to spin up a quick lie. Honestly, she would have understood if he had. This situation was… Shocking and delicate. But he had not spun a tale. Had not hidden their troubles. Had not prettied up his words. He had told the truth.

Not a few minutes later, Charlie had called her. Telling her how worried she was. How in distress Alastor looked even if he tried to fake composure. He was slowly losing sanity. He was drowning in the torment of her absence.

It was cruel to make him wait longer. Even if a part of her dreaded the inevitable confrontation, she had to go home.

So she did.

He does not catch her when she lands on their balcony which he usually did.

He does not run for her as she walks inside.

Instead, he stands in the middle of the room, his arms tight around his back. She sees the tremble in his jaw as the tension of keeping his smile plastered pains him.

Alastor does not dare speak first. Afraid anything he says might make her bolt.

Slowly, she walks forward till they are only an arm length separated from each other. Still, no movement from her love.

"Alastor-" His ear twitches, fighting to stay up. Instead of more words, she reaches out and lays her hand on his cheek. His hand slowly moves up, hovering over hers but…. He does not touch her. Like she had screamed at him. A sharp intake of pained breath, realizing what her words have done to him as she sees the turmoil in his eyes. She connects her lips with his. He returns it like a desperate man. Wraps his arms around her and pulls her so crushingly close. His lips tremble against hers. Still she pulls away. "I am here to talk."

He visibly swallows the lump in his throat, having expected it but it causes hot sweats down his neck. Still he nods before they take place on the couch. Distance between them. The fact that she has her arms folded in front of her stomach does not go unnoticed. "How… Have you been faring?" He asks as if biting down a toothache. "Are you still feeling… Sick?"

"It is bearable. It's mostly only the mornings lately." She takes a deep breath and braces herself as she is about to speak the words she had been repeating over and over in her mind as preparation. "How you feel about this child is clear. I do not expect that you have changed your mind in my absence as I know you are quite adamant in your opinions and beliefs. But so am I. And I am not aborting this pregnancy. Even if you will not have it, this child will be mine. If you decide not to want to raise this child with me, then I will decide to raise it on my own. I will do this, with or without you."

It pains her just as much as it kills him. But she had to draw the line. And this is it.

"Cattaleya, think about what you are saying. What this means for our lives." He starts, not condescending like he had been before. Desperate. "You are risking and willing to abandon everything we have built. Do I mean that little to you? For you to choose this thing over me."

"No. Don't you dare think my love for you is that fickle. It is not. I do not want to do this without you."

"Then why?! Why is it that you push this onto me? Why is it that I can only choose to be with you with the child or that you will leave me if I don't?" He hisses the words out, his agitation fueled by hurt. "The solution is so easy-"

"It is not easy! Nothing about this is easy. You are giving me only two options as well. Kill this child or raise it on my own. As I am certain if I do decide to give birth, you will not take a role afterwards, will you?"

"You should not even give birth! Do you realize how many women die during childbirth? And that is when they are well taken care of in hospitals. We live in Hell. We do not have people who assist in child births. The second that child is born it will be on half of Hell's snack list. The dangers that comes from being our child. The Radio demon and the Angel of Hell. Have you any idea how hunted it will be?"

"We can protect-"

"I do not want to protect it." The manic stress of being left alone to think about this for hours and hours on end starts to show. "I want it vanished. To have never existed. Cattaleya, our life was perfect. You and me. Having a child will only complicate things. It doesn't have to become complicated! These arguments can be over just like-" He reaches out to take her hand, but she scoots back. It devastates him. His hand, frozen in the air, trembles. His ears flatten. "P-Please…. Don't fear me. I can't have my own wife fearing me."

Immediately, she takes his hand. "I'm sorry." She moves closer, he wastes no second to gather her in his embrace. She reaches up and caresses his ear to sooth him. It does not work though. "I do not want to fear you. I don't. But… I have to protect this. Alastor, I see this as a gift. Something we can learn to love and cherish even more than we do each other. This is something made from us."

"What if I can't love it. In the end, you will start to hate me for it. I am certain about that fact and that terrifies me."

"Oh Darin, I could never hate you." She puts her hands on his cheeks and leans her forehead against his. "And don't you think so little of yourself. Because I am certain you will learn to love it sooner than you might think."

He scoffs as he shakes his head. "You think too highly of me. You have always seen the good in me. You have always seen me. But let me tell you, I am not capable of nurturing a child. I am not capable of being a father."

"You once said the same about being in love." He grimaces uncomfortably and looks to the side. "Or that you never thought you would ever become a husband. And you do it so well. Perfectly. Who knows what will happen when-"

Again, he shakes his head, more violently this time. "I will not let you indulge in delusional hopes. I know where my capabilities lie and it is NOT with raising a child. I will not take on such responsibilities."

Cattaleya has to ignore the aching gripping pain in her heart as she slowly pulls her hands away from his cheeks. "T-Then I think we have our answers."

Out of sheer panic, he grips her arms. "I will not let you go."

"And I will not let you kill this child."

"Cattaleya, please-"

"Alastor, let me go."

His grips only tightens. "I won't."

"Alastor-"

"I can't. Don't force this on me."

"We both know we will stand our grounds in this matter."

"I am begging-"

"So unhand me."

"I can't take care of a child, Cattaleya!" Static shatters glass, but she doesn't flinch as she watches her husband begin to hyperventilate. "I will destroy it. I can't have it growing up with a father that can not love it. Nor with a mother who will feel sorry and haunted by the fact that their child only has one caring parent. Because that is how it will be! And one day you will see that. One day you will realize I had been telling the truth and you will cry yourself to sleep at night. I won't ever leave you, I can not abandon the love I feel for you, but you will leave me for the love I can not give. You'll start to resent me. Or even hate me for not loving this child. Because you will love it. Oh I know you will so beautifully unconditionally love it like you do already. But I won't. I can't let you see me like that. I can't let you see me like my-" He swallows in the last word of his frantic rant.

I can't let you see me like my father.

It dawns slowly on her. "You…Have never talked about your father…"

He rubs the back of his neck, tension clear. An uncomfortable glance as he hunches forward. "There is not much to tell…. Only that it was a blessed day for me when he left with his bags packed in the middle of the night… For my mother, not so much. She grieved the loss of that despicable bastard for way too long…"

"Was he…"

"Let's just say he was strict." Alastor admits with a rueful smile. "The polar opposite of my mother." He straightens back up. Only a whisper of his smile left. "Like we are…" he reaches out and softly, with the flutter of a touch with his fingertips, caresses her cheek. "I have no doubts you would be an astonishing mother. You are astonishing in everything you do and this would certainly be no exception. I on the other hand… I do not even dare take a chance. So…"

So much fear. Fear coming from his own past. His own experiences. His childhood. A father that did not love nor want the child. Unwanted. Unloved. Scarred. Before abandoned.

There were no words left to convince him. Her arguments have run dry. All countered, nullified, by what he just told her. She swallows hard as tears fill her eyes. Rolling slowly down her cheeks. Saying goodbye. Grieving…

"I'll consult with Azraël tomorrow how to…" She can't say it, but he understands. The relief that shows on his face, shatters her heart.

Tightly he embraces her, a breathy laugh from the nerves escapes him. "Thank you."

As she returns his embrace, she tries not to fully break in his arms.

Alastor feels her leave their bed that night. Like a shadow, she creeps from his arms. Still he feels it. Always feels her presence leave. For a terrifying moment, he think she might spread her wings and flee. Having come to the realization that she would rather have the child than him. So it calms him when he cracks an eye open and sees her entering their bathroom. All good.

Till he hears her sob. Crying alone in the middle of the night.

Oh, his sweet Dove.

Mourning for a life she has not come to meet. Perhaps grieving even harder for that reason.

His nails tear through the sheets as he hears her choke on her tears. He has to convince himself it is better this way. Better for her to feel this way now for a short period of time instead of a life long lingering sadness and disappointment. He will help her get over it. He will. Even if he has been the cause of this all, he will show her that it had been the right decision. He will make certain she will not be left in pain. Nor will she ever have to wonder what life would have been like if they had made other decisions because he will make their life so perfect that she never will be left wanting.

This pain is only temporary. The pain in both their hearts will fade soon enough.

When she returns to bed and settles near the edge, he does not reach out for her. Even if he aches for it.

After some research, Azraël had reassured them he was certain on how to remove the soul painlessly and without much trouble. He would pull the soul out of the forming body, like his reaper forms would help pull souls from dying bodies to guide them to their resting place. As this soul was still forming, not having lived, it would simply disappear. Forcing a miscarriage.

They were on the couch, Azraël standing in front of them. The same placings when he had told them the news that changed it all. As he was about to change it all again, seeing the far away look in her eyes as she stares at nothing but the floor, he has to ask. "Cattaleya-" She slowly looks up. "- you must tell me, before I perform this abortion, that you are one hundred percent certain of the decision you have made. I can not guarantee that you will have the opportunity to fall pregnant once more."

She can't say it. Because she is not certain. This is a decision she will question for the longest of time. But she has to make it. For Alastor. She'll survive this. She'll accept this one day. It won't hurt as much as it does today someday. So instead she says. "Alastor is my priority."

Somehow, those words make the gnawing in his stomach worse. He lays his hand over hers. She takes a hold of it like a lifeline. One she needs to convince herself this is the right thing for them to do. This is the right thing for them. She is taking care of her husband. By… abandoning their child. Throwing the promise to protect it out of the window as soon as it had been made.

"Then I shall begin."

Her breath hitches and she forces her lips together. This is it. His hands start glowing. The same tendrils of her soul appear. And the soul of their child. So tiny and fragile. "I'm sorry, little one." She whispers out her final goodbye as she squeezes her eyes shut. She can't watch. She hopes she doesn't feel it. Their child, gone with just a snap. A possible future wiped out. Why does it hurt so much? Why is she so certain she is going to miss this child so much without ever having held it.

"STOP!"

It is not her voice that screams. Nor is it her that jumps up to stand between Azraël and the child. Alastor's eyes are wide, just as shocked by his actions as they all are.

He can't let her do it. He can't let her… Loathe herself for eternity for this. She only does this for him. Not herself. She doesn't want to. But she would have. For him. She would do anything for him. His sweet selfless holy Dove. But he can't. He can't have more nights of her crying alone. Grieving alone.

"Alastor?" Her weak questioning voice snaps him back to reality.

Determination sets. It frightens him, what he is about to do. There will be no turning back. But he promised he would make her happy. He would move Heaven and Hell, like she has done for him. Like she always does for him. So he is going to do this. He kneels down in front of her and cups her cheeks, making sure her eyes are only on him. "I need you to help me. Guide me in this. I have no clue what we are getting in to or how it will be, how I will be, but I have my faith in you. You can do this, and I will try my hardest to be the man you think I can be. The… Father you envision me to be. But Hells Cattaleya I need your guidance. I need you to tell me exactly what to do because even saying this and realizing we will be raising a child together in Hell terrifies the bejeezus out of me."

She suddenly burst out a short laugh through the tears that had been falling. "Bejeezus?"

He laughs lightly as well before grinning his signature grin. "Do you truly think it wise to be moving my choice of words right now?"

She shakes her head before letting herself slide off the couch to sit on her knees as well. Holding him tightly as she begins to tremble. And cry. Out of relief. Out of gratefulness. Out of joy.

Azraël leaves in silence. They do not get up for a long time as they settle into their new reality.

They are getting a baby.

Baby is on the way! :3 after ofcourse first some heart aches and such. Can't have them all happy and giddy right away right. Ha, no that is not my style. Lets see how the pregnancy will progress! And who shall be happy and ... Slighlty unhappy about this Hellish Heavenly baby that is on the way!

Leave thoughts and reviews :3