"What are you doing here?" Voight leant on the doorframe of the locker room. The District didn't have its usual hum, everything was subdued. The next shift went about their work but with the heavy weight of death weighing them down. Today was a stark reminder that sometimes you didn't go home. "You don't need to be here."

"Yes, I do." He flipped his phone over in his hand repeatedly. He had finally washed his hands and changed his shirt and his locker door was still open. Voight could see the picture of Kim and Makayla stuck on the inside and the sonograph of the baby they'd lost.

"Why?"

Holding up his phone he smiled wryly. "I need to call Kim back, I think she's freakin' out." Voight nodded and looked at him quizzically and Adam groaned. "I can't explain it."

"I can." Voight knew exactly what was going on. "You don't want to take it home."

Adam nodded and exhaled. "Yeah."

"I get it." He came into the locker room and patted him in the shoulder.

"We kinda made a promise to not take this stuff home anymore, Mack's seen enough." He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "I need to get rid of this before I go home to her because she doesn't have Kim to shield her from it this time."

"Call Kim." He squeezed his shoulder. "You need to hear her voice."

He inhaled slowly and hit number one of his speed dial. "Hey." He whispered when Kim answered.

"Adam, Baby…" Kim answered the phone instantly. "Baby are you okay?

"No, not really."

The moment Kim's voice shook with emotion the tears rolled down Adam's cheeks. "I'm so sorry Baby." She let him breathe for a moment. "What happened?"

"We heard shots fired and pulled up. We had no idea where they were coming from, we were blind, no vests." His voice was still shaking. "If I'd kept driving…. "Emily…. It was a head shot."

"Baby, every single cop would've stopped." He appeared not to hear her and Kim filed that away. He was blaming himself. "You were both doing your job."

"It was a domestic. Piece of shit shot his wife, took his kid, tried to get his other kid and was going to murder them as well." The anger seeped into his voice as he spoke. "Fucking Roy… his name was Roy. That name is trying to destroy me."

Kim gasped. His mind was clearly all over the shop. "The kids are safe?"

"Yeah, yeah." His voice was suddenly small again. As quick as the anger came it went. "Mom made it out of surgery. She's doin' okay. She's gonna be fine, the kids will be fine. He's dead. Son of a bitch is dead."

For just a few minutes she let him breathe, it was something they had done when he was in the hospital, particularly at night when he couldn't sleep. He would call Kim and they'd just listen to each other breathe. It calmed him and it felt like the right time to revisit that.

"Voight told me you saved Bobby." Kim started the conversation again. "You and a patrol officer?"

"Yeah, she helped me out, she was first on scene and just rolled with me." He paused for a moment. "She took one in the vest too. Just kept going though." Slamming his foot into the locker door it clanged shut.

"Where are you?"

"At the District. I can't go home."

Kim understood what he meant, she had been the one to suggest the idea that they didn't bring work home, particularly the bad side. Mack saw a little of it, they didn't sanitise it all and she often picked up on when one of them was a little off but this was big and one of them wasn't there to help balance it out.

Emily had been over for dinner at their house just before she left for the conference. Once she joined the unit Kim had wanted to make her feel welcome. They had planned at some stage to have a BBQ at home with everyone but work was hectic and they never got around to it.

"Have you talked to Emily's parents and Ed?" Ed was her partner, they hadn't been dating long but he seemed like a cool guy.

"Yeah. I talked to Ed, Trudy spoke to her parents. I'll call them tomorrow." They were all reeling and it felt like a nightmare because in total this was about two hours of their day. "Two fucking hours." Adam suddenly blurted out angrily. "Two fucking hours and so much fucking trauma and waste. Three people are dead and only one deserves to be."

"Yep."

"It could've been me, it could've been Kev…. " He sucked in a deep breath and he barely got the words out. "…It could've been you. If you were here what are the chances that you and I were in that car together."

"No Baby, because it wasn't my number, it wasn't yours. Our number hasn't been called." Kim wasn't having it. They'd done this game before, both of them. What if's don't work in their world, they can't. Playing that game was just as dangerous as the job itself.

"Kim…" he choked. "I love you Darlin."

"I love you too Baby." Kim implored him. "Go home Baby, go see our daughter. Please go home Baby."

"I miss you." He promised he would leave now. "Can I call you later?"

He flicked off the light to the locker room as he exited. The only light in the bullpen was coming from Voight's office and he was sitting nursing a glass of bourbon and nodded at Adam when he caught his eye but said nothing. Once he'd finished his drink he'd leave now that he knew Adam was gone.

Makayla leapt up from the couch when he came in, she flung herself at him for a hug. "Long day Dad?"

"The longest." He kissed the top of her head. "Sorry I am late." He smiled at the babysitter and she smiled sadly. Of course she knew what was going on, they always looped her in and she was part of their team that protected Makayla.

"We've had dinner, there is a plate in the fridge for you." She grabbed her bag and squeezed his arm on the way past.

"See you tomorrow Sweetheart." She patted Makayla on the back. "Have a good night y'all."

"Have you talked to Mom today?" Adam wanted Makayla to do all the talking. "What she have to say?"

"Learned lots today, and she said I need to give you an extra hug because she is missing hugging you." She wrapped her arms tightly around his waist and Adam tried to control his breathing so he didn't cry in front of her. Not that showing emotions was a bad thing, he just didn't want to answer her questions if he did.

"I miss hugging her too. We need her to come home hey?"

"Yes, it's been too long." Makayla repeated her daily complaint. She didn't like her Mom being away and Adam agreed with her. "How was work today?"

"Busy." He brushed her off. "I'm much more interested in hearing about what your learned today." Adam let go and headed towards the kitchen to heat up his dinner. "You know the drill." Makayla followed him. "Something that you didn't know before you went to school today, and then a highlight."

Makayla sat up at the table while Adam ate and he tried desperately to focus on what she was saying. "That trees take bad stuff out of the air and make oxygen that we breath."

"That they do." He pushed his food around his plate. "And they keep things cooler as well."

"We should totally plant a tree."

"I think there is a few groups that plant trees along the lake that you can volunteer for. Maybe we can do that?"

"When Mom gets back?"

"Yep." He nodded.

"Now, highlight of day." Makayla chirped. "You go first."

"This right now Bumblebee." Adam replied quickly. "What's yours?"

"Talking to Mom."

"You say that every day." He laughed a little and Mack insisted that wasn't the case, but it was true anyway. They watched TV for a while and Makayla did her night time reading.

Adam had taken her up to bed and lay down on top of the duvet as she snuggled underneath. "You can stay here Dad." She loved her new bed that they had bought her over the summer holidays. It had been and exercise and a half and she had taken weeks to decide which one she liked. Kim seemed to enjoy the process, Adam hadn't been a fan.

"Are you a bit lonely?"

"No, you seem sad." Makayla touched his face. "Did you have bad day?"

Adam smiled a little sadly, trust her to notice. "I did Bumblebee."

"I know." She looked a little guilty. "When you were in the shower I saw a message on your phone. I thought it was Mom. I'm sorry."

"It's okay Bumblebee." The message was from Trudy, reminding him it wasn't his fault and he did a great job today. "You shouldn't be looking at my phone though." He closed his eyes as they welled up. Crying in front of his daughter, or Kim for that matter wasn't a big deal, he just didn't want to cry right now. If he started he might not stop.

"I didn't mean too."

"It's okay Mack. Just close your eyes. I'm gonna stay right here if you don't mind."

"I don't mind." While it didn't take Mack long to fall asleep, it didn't come that easy for Adam. His mind was a scrambled mess. It was exhausting trying to rationalise the day and at the end of it all, you couldn't. It was the life they chose and one day it could just be over.

He woke with a start when he heard a car door slam. He had no idea how long he'd been asleep and he quickly checked Mack, who was sound asleep and crept from her room. Heading into the lounge he grabbed his phone so he could call Kim.

Suddenly there was a knock on the front door, and checking the clock it was past midnight. He checked the doorbell camera on his phone and was surprised by the visitor.

"What are you doing here?" he yanked open the door.

"I live here."

Adam grabbed Kim's face and kissed her hard. "I love you."

"Are you going to let me come inside? You are letting all the bugs in." She pulled back and placed her hand over his while it was still on her cheek. "Hi."

"Hi." He grabbed Kim's bags and dropped them inside the door. "How? I spoke to you a few hours ago."

"It was six hours ago… and planes are quick." She snaked her arms around his waist and it took him just a few beats to reciprocate. "How are you?"

"I'm okay." He pulled her tighter and Kim buried her head into his neck. "I've missed you." They stood in the moment and he couldn't believe she was actually here. They were expecting her home in two days. "What about the rest of the conference?"

"It's only the last day, not many sessions left and well…. They understood where I needed to be."

She felt him inhale sharply and then let out a long slow breath.

"Adam, honey. I'm here."

His body was shaking as she held onto him and it was something she knew all too well. Quietly she led him to their bedroom and closed the door and turned on one lamp as he sat on the edge of the bed and squeezed his hands together between his knees so she wouldn't see it.

"I was right there. I called out and she didn't answer and for the briefest second…" he shook his head and didn't finish. Inhaling deeply again he closed his eyes. "Remember when I called your radio and you didn't answer. Oh shit."

Kim sat beside him and rested her hand on his thigh. She was trying to remember all the things that helped and hindered her. She didn't want to be smothered, but she wanted to feel a touch and that was what she was giving Adam. She also didn't want him to fill in the silence when she was having a moment so she didn't say much. "I'm safe Adam. We both are."

The quiet house, the soft lamp and her gentle stroke on his thigh were starting to centre him. "I'm glad. I just need to sleep. I'm tired. I'll be okay after some sleep."

"And if you are not, that's okay too Adam."

"Can you sleep next to me?" It was strange request and gave her another little insight to his mind. There had been occasions in the past, when they weren't together when they had sought the comfort of sleeping together after things shook them. They were well past that now, from the moment they decided that things 'were different' this time they just shared a bed. It wasn't discussed, it was the expectation.

"Baby, why do you think I am here. I couldn't not be here." She ran a hand over his back. "I don't like not sleeping next to you, even when you snore."

Adam chuckled and it seemed to snap him out of it. "It could've been you."

"But it wasn't."

"I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you." Finally the wall broke and the tears that had been teetering to fall all day poured out of him and Kim just cradle his head against her chest and told him she loved him, and helped him breathe. He was inconsolable, not only had he lost a friend, he had seen his future ahead of him, that maybe one day it would be them.

It was along painful night, not the first and no doubt not the last either and he'd finally fallen asleep just before dawn, still holding her hand across his chest. They had talked on and off about the day, he told Kim about the help he had from Officer Cook and how Kim would love her. "She's like a female version of Atwater. You know ride or die, doesn't ask questions, just got into it. Like Kev was on patrol."

He mentioned that Voight had given him the day off, but he wasn't going to take it. He needed to get back on the horse. She could understand that but seeing as he'd had no sleep she was just going to let him sleep as long as he needed. She slipped out of bed when she heard Makayla get up and snuck out of the room so as not to wake him.

"Mom." She squealed and Kim placed her finger over her mouth indicating not to be too loud as she barrelled her up for a hug. "I'm so happy you are home?"

"I am so happy to see you. I've missed you like cra…azy."

Makayla smothered her Mom's face with kisses. "Did you come home early because Dad was sad?"

"I did, and because I'd been away too long."

"Is he okay?" She was such a sweet girl.

"He will be, he's sleeping now but he will be."

"Did someone die?"

Kim wasn't expecting the question and it took her breathe away momentarily. She lead Makayla over the couch and sat down with her. "Yes sweetheart, somebody did die and that's why Dad is sad."

"Not Kevin?" She asked cautiously.

"No, not Kevin, Kevin is fine." Kim kissed the top of her head. She wasn't sure how much Adam wanted her to know, he did say that he didn't talk about it with her but never mentioned it. "Please don't worry. Kevin, Aunt Trudy, Uncle Hank and Dante are all okay, but sweetie, Emily…."

"Oh she died?" Makayla burst into tears which made Kim cry as well.

"Yes, she did and Dad was with her so he's a little shaky and needs all our love and support right now."

"Can I go see him?"

Kim wasn't sure that Adam was even awake and if he was sleeping she wanted him to sleep longer and not be woken up and talk to Makayla about Emily's death. Not if he wasn't prepared for it. He was fragile and Mack's emotions were likely to overwhelm him right now. Once he had time to breathe and rationalise things he would be all over getting looked after by their mother-hen of a daughter.

"I think he needs his sleep right now, but he will definitely pick you up from school."

Adam did wake up when Kim came in to get dressed while Makayla was getting changed ready for school. "Hey." He mumbled groggily. "What time is it?"

"Early still. I'm just going to run Mack to school. Go back to sleep." She ran her hands through his messy hair and kissed his forehead. "Sleep baby."

"I've gotta go to work."

"Not today. I've already let Voight know you won't be in. He doesn't want you."

Adam rolled over onto his back and Kim rested her hand on his chest. "I'll just get dressed and do the school run with you."

"Stay here and sleep."

"No, I want to do it, I want things to be normal for her, for us." Kim nodded and bent over to give him a kiss. Adam grabbed the back of her neck and made the kiss last longer. Pulling back she told him he had 10 mins. "I missed you."

"I know. I know. Not the homecoming I was hoping for." She smiled sadly at him. "Maybe later?" Kim sat down on the side of the bed. "Just so you know, Mack asked if you were sad and then she asked if someone died. I told her it was Emily."

Adam squeezed his eyes closed as he felt them well up a little. "Okay."

"She was worried it was Kevin, I couldn't lie to her."

"No, fair enough." He knew that he couldn't keep it from her forever and he needed to moment to let that settle on him because one thing they both knew was that as soon as she saw her Dad she'd cry and that would start him off, and Kim would follow. "I'll be out in a couple."

"You don't have to Adam, I told Mack you were asleep and you would pick her up later."

He sat up and kissed Kim quickly. "No, it's fine Kim. Can't hide like a chicken shit."

Makayla burst into tears the moment he exited the bedroom. "I'm sorry Dad." She sobbed against his shoulder as he crouched down to cuddle his daughter. His own eyes were welled with tears and Kim had them streaming down her face as well as she watched them. Adam called her in for a family hug. "We are all safe Bumblebee."

"Can we stay here forever where it's safe?"

Adam held them both tighter. "This is our castle, our family, our home. And we plan on being here for a very long time. Mom and I are going to get so old and annoying you'll be sick of us."

"No I won't." Makayla insisted. "Never, not ever."