Chapter 21 – Sexual

You've got that thing that I've been looking for
You've got a heart full of gold
And that's really turning me on

Just say you feel the way that I feel
I'm feeling sexual
So we should be sexual

Albus hadn't said anything for a while, but he looked like he had something on his mind. And sure enough, after a slight hesitation, he queried his older brother. "But what happens when"—he gulped, like he needed the courage to actually ask what he wanted—"you get, you know… excited. You just can't do anything about it or…?" He had rightly gone redder than any of them.

"You don't," James said plainly, scrutinising the other Potter boy.

Sam almost thought James was doling out parental commands, but then he thought about it a bit more. "Wait, you mean you, like, physically can't?" He had just realised something he'd never thought about before.

"Oh, come on." James looked around the whole group with delight. "None of you have realised you can't even get it up at Hogwarts?"

Sam had the urge to sink into the sand once more. The silence was telling. No one wanted to say anything. So, of course, James filled the silence.

"How the hell have three seventeen-year-old boys not realised, in six years of adolescence, that your body has very different biological reactions when you're not at school compared to when you are. You're having a laugh, surely?"

Sam had never consciously thought about it, but he realised James was, of course, right. Not once had Sam, in all those excited times with Janey at Hogwarts, gotten physically aroused. Given that all it took was a wayward thought to excite him those days should have been indicator enough that magical hijinks were at play. He had just assumed he was having an incredibly flustering summer…

Sam was just grateful that, once more, Albus and Scorpius seemed to be having the same realisations that he was.

James looked smug as per usual. "Not even accidentally?" he queried. "No morning glory? You've honestly never noticed? God, you guys are weird."

"Some of us think about things other than sex, James," Scorpius was the one to snap.

Sam felt his entire worldview had been shattered. James was absolutely right—how had he not noticed? God, it was unavoidable at home, annoyingly so. And yet, he had never really thought about why it never happened at Hogwarts. Why would he? It wasn't like he had ever had any of those urges he otherwise did. All part of the enchantments, he supposed. It really did seem a bit sinister the more he thought about it, despite the reasoning for them being in place.

"Glad to hear it," James retaliated to Scorpius' comment. "I guess I should feel pleased. Hogwarts is doing my job for me."

"You're not actually Rose's brother," Scorpius reminded him, dropping all pretences about the nature of his and Rose's non-relationship, and the two boys held a fierce stare-down for a while.

"I'm still protective of her. She doesn't need you screwing her around again."

"I could have said the same about Ebony before you actually—"

"You don't know anything about me and Ebony," James said furiously.

"Guys, stop it." Sam interrupted before either of them got even more riled up. Why there was now so much hostility in the air, he couldn't be sure, but Sam almost found himself sympathising with Scorpius' sudden agitation. It was odd, feeling like they had somehow had a fundamental biological right taken away from them, despite the only difference since the last six years being that they were actually aware of it. "This conversation has been very enlightening, but we don't need to argue about dumb things!"

Sam instantly regretted it when both boys turned to him in fury.

"My wife is a dumb thing now?" James demanded.

"No, James!" Sam protested. "I did not say that!"

"Funnily enough, not everything is about you, Tyler," Scorpius snarled.

Sam glared back in response. Since when had he and Scorpius reverted back to calling each other by their surnames? Even James only did it every now and again when he was trying to be intimidating—mostly about Rose.

"At least this revelation actually affects me," Sam bit back cockily, refusing to be undermined by Scorpius Malfoy again. Hadn't they gotten past this? "There's only one of us here who would actually be getting any at Hogwarts! As you like to keep pointing out, you and Rose are nothing—"

Scorpius took a threatening step towards Sam, and it was Albus who held him back.

"Stop it," the Gryffindor hissed at him in a clearly familiar motion.

"He's not wrong," James said cruelly, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with Sam, for which the younger boy was incredibly grateful. He would always choose to have James Potter as an ally rather than an enemy. In fact, it wouldn't have been the first time he and James had faced down Scorpius together, although Sam wasn't particularly proud of that moment.

"Am I the only one who's recalling that this entire conversation has been about Sam's complete and total incompetence about 'making love'?" Scorpius sneered, imitating Sam's initial question that had prompted the entire conversation.

For some reason, Sam was now even more infuriated that Scorpius was using his first name again. He wondered who would hold him back if he lunged for the blond boy, because he felt for sure that James wouldn't.

"Some experience is better than zero experience!" Sam bit back, not even remotely embarrassed by how childish he was being. "At least there have even been opportunities for me—"

"There have been opportunities for me!" Scorpius cried, taking them all, even himself, by surprise. He instantly froze, horrified that he'd allowed that outburst.

Sam was so taken aback, he didn't even know what to say. Albus too had looked at his best friend with sharp shock.

James, despite his previous fury, was back to looking incredibly intrigued and excited by Scorpius' accidental revelation. But then, as the thoughts that were crossing all of their minds clicked in, was back to looking annoyed, though it was clear his heart wasn't in it as much.

"Opportunities?" the former Head Boy echoed. "I swear to God, Scorpius, I don't know if I'll be more pissed if you're talking about Rose or Ebony." They were, after all, Scorpius Malfoy's only publicly-known relationships.

"I didn't mean either," Scorpius said through gritted teeth, and for some reason, Sam exhaled a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "And it's none of your business anyway."

There was no way James was letting it drop though, especially with the relief of knowing his wife and cousin were not involved. "You're telling me an actual human woman had sex with you?"

"No," Scorpius said furiously.

Sam was grateful the mortification of talking about one's personal life was no longer his burden. He couldn't deny how deep his curiosity was. Scorpius was surely not saying he wasn't a virgin either? And further still, not even with Rose?

"She… propositioned me," Scorpius said delicately, his eyes flickering to Sam as he echoed his earlier terminology. "I didn't go through with it," he mumbled.

So his virginity remained intact, Sam thought a little smugly. It was still one-nil Sam to Scorpius. Or, at least, nought-point-five to nil.

"Who?" Albus asked, looking deeply betrayed. "That Hufflepuff girl?"

"What Hufflepuff girl?" James demanded. "Have you been cheating on Rose?"

"Rose and I are not together!" Scorpius cried. "We have not been in a relationship for a year and a half. I have been free to date other people in that time! And no," he said more calmly to Albus, "it wasn't her."

Sam was just shocked by the news that Scorpius had seemingly had a secret Hufflepuff girlfriend in the last year-and-a-half that nobody had known about. Did Rose know?—he wondered, and then felt disgusted when he realised he was feeling elation at the thought of being the one to break it to her. What was wrong with him? Scorpius had awakened some of the past tensions between them with his hostility towards Sam—that was all.

"I have not dated anybody since we started preparing to go to Rosewood," Scorpius insisted to James, like he really was Rose's brother. "Long before that, in fact. I haven't kissed anybody, I haven't thought about anybody other than Rose."

"Bit obsessive when you're not even together," Sam mumbled playfully, and all the boys started to relax as the humour crept back into the conversation. If Sam wasn't mistaken, Scorpius even seemed to flash him a somewhat grateful smile.

"Well, who the hell was supposedly gagging to take your virginity?" James asked. "You said you didn't know about the Hogwarts enchantments!"

"It wasn't at Hogwarts," Scorpius meekly explained. "I had a summer job in Diagon Alley last year and the girl working there kind of… fancied me. We, uh, were making out after closing one day and it started to heat up, but I… I couldn't go through with it."

Sam supposed he had to respect Scorpius for this admission. He clearly was and always had been besotted with Rose. But still, he was surprised to learn he had even been kissing girls in Rose's absence, let alone almost going even further than that. There was no way Rose knew about this.

James was back to smirking, looking deeply impressed. "Well, aren't you all full of surprises today! Who's this girl anyway? What year is she in?"

"She doesn't go to Hogwarts," Scorpius said. "She was half-Spanish and anyway… she was a bit older."

None of them could shield their impressed looks.

"How much older?" Sam couldn't help but ask.

Scorpius hesitated, like he was debating whether or not to be truthful. "Twenty-four," he eventually said.

James had high-fived Scorpius before either of them realised what they'd done, both looking instantly uncomfortable.

"Please don't tell Rose," Scorpius begged. "It really was nothing."

"Twenty-four!" James was saying, ignoring him, giddy with delight. "Merlin, what kind of shop in Diagon Alley has half-Spanish twenty-four-year-olds offering to take Hogwarts students' virginities?"

"Hopefully not a lot," Mason said, looking disturbed. They all, in turn, started to realise how inappropriate the situation was.

"Yeah, that, err, probably was a good call actually," James said with an approving nod.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?" Albus hissed, a look of ultimate betrayal on his face.

"It was embarrassing," Scorpius apologised. "And I didn't want you to tell Rose," he admitted sheepishly. "I will tell her," he insisted to the others. "When it's… appropriate. I, uh, have a few things I need to confess."

"More?" James looked impressed. "Exactly how many girls were trying to get into your Hogwarts robes, Scorpius?"

Sam felt incredibly overshadowed by Scorpius' confession. And he'd actually had sex! Sort of…

"No one else," Scorpius assured him. "Rose knows I, uh, kissed a few girls when we weren't together, she just doesn't know the details. And I want to tell her—but on my own terms."

"What a dog," James drawled. "In a weird way, this is actually impressing me. I don't think I'd be able to say the same for Uncle Ron though. He doesn't even like you kissing Rose."

Despite himself, Scorpius snorted.

"Does Ebony know?" James asked,

"Ebony doesn't care who I've kissed," Scorpius said in surprise, as though James wasn't aware that their complicated relationship of years ago was now purely platonic and had been even before they'd officially ended it. James was one of the reasons why, after all.

"I should bloody hope not—I just want the gossip, and I'd rather talk to her than you."

"Ebony knows," Scorpius admitted. "Just not about the twenty-four-year-old." He flashed a look of apology towards Albus. "I didn't tell anybody about her."

Sam felt bitter towards Scorpius Malfoy who, it seemed, despite Sam's progression with Janey over the summer, was still infinitely more experienced in relationships than he was. How the hell had he been managing to pull off seemingly kissing so many girls without it being public knowledge? Janey always knew who was kissing who at Hogwarts—no gossip or scandal evaded her. And yet, Sam realised, she would have been smart enough to shield this particular gossip from the Gryffindors if she did, in fact, know—to spare one of her closest friend's feelings.

Sam felt a pang in his heart when he thought of Janey. He just wanted to talk to her again. To go back to how they had been before that dreaded night. He was kind of relieved that some of the heat and attention had been taken off of him in the wake of Scorpius' admissions.

"Oh my God," James exclaimed, like he'd suddenly remembered something. His eyes glimmered with excitement. "Do you remember," he said to Scorpius excitedly, "after the first Prefects' meeting back at Hogwarts last year—the one when you found out I was Head Boy—"

If Sam wasn't mistaken, it looked like Scorpius flashed James a warning look, but the other boy ploughed on, oblivious.

"—and when we all left the room, you were trying to kiss that Hufflepuff Prefect in the corridor, and she slapped you! I can't believe I forgot about that until now. That was hilarious. She had a boyfriend or something? Oh my God—hey, Sam, you were there too! Do you remember?"

Sam did remember, and he immediately realised why Scorpius had not wanted James to share the memory with this group of people. It had been a hilarious moment, and Sam too was surprised he had entirely wiped it from his memory, though it had been almost a year ago.

Sam recalled it vividly now that it had been brought back to his attention. He had been furious at Janey because she had made them late and was already trying to assert dominance in their second year together as Prefects, though that wasn't unusual. It had also been the first time Sam had really noticed how pretty Isabella Fontayne, the Ravenclaw Prefect who would later become his first proper girlfriend, had been. He now realised this might have contributed to some of Janey's hostility towards him, although, at the time, they had both been entirely oblivious.

James being present at the meeting as the new Head Boy had certainly made it more interesting, although it had been weird seeing him and Ebony making googly eyes at each other all evening. And then, of course, Scorpius Malfoy's mere presence had been irritating, as it so often was for Sam. But the real interest had come after the meeting. Sam, Janey, Ebony, Bobbin, James, and Tom the Hufflepuff Prefect had all departed together, just in time to see, with great hilarity, Scorpius trying to kiss the Hufflepuff girl and be instantly rejected as she struck him across the face.

Sam remembered how angry he had been that Scorpius had dared have the nerve to be casually kissing girls out and about in the corridors with no shame, knowing that people would see, and talk, and that it would likely get back to Rose. No matter how much he'd disliked Scorpius, he had always been protective of Rose when it came to him and didn't want him to hurt her any less than he wanted him to be with her.

Back then, Sam reminded himself. Not now.

The cogs were very clearly whirring in Albus' head in that moment, and Sam felt his heart pre-emptively go out to him. "Hufflepuff Prefect?" he repeated in a daze.

"Yeah," James said, completely oblivious. "You must know her, surely. Redheaded girl? She was with us when we went on the Rosewood mission. Super nice. God, what's her name?"

"Annabel," Albus said quietly.

James snapped his fingers together. "Yes! You do know her?"

Scorpius had gone pale beyond belief. Sam truly felt for him.

"I know her," Albus confirmed coolly. "She's my girlfriend." He stared resolutely ahead, not even bothering to look at Scorpius.

James still didn't realise. "Wait, she's the girl you're dating? Wow, okay, little brother, good going. Bit weird though, she looks a bit like Mum."

"Oh my God, James!" Albus protested, fury finally bursting from him, though they all knew it wasn't aimed at James. Not really.

"What?"

"James," Sam said warily, because he didn't think anybody else would. He stole an awkward glance at Scorpius who still just looked stunned. "Maybe we should talk about something else… In fact, maybe we should go see the girls—they must be done gossiping or whatever."

It said a lot that Sam would rather face Janey than remain in that situation.

"You kissed my girlfriend?" Albus demanded, finally confronting Scorpius with quiet fury.

"Al," Scorpius said immediately. "This was almost a year ago—she was with Tom at the time. It was a mistake."

"Ah," James said, as it all finally sunk in.

"A mistake you never thought to tell me about?"

"At the time, yeah, it was embarrassing!" Scorpius protested. "And by the time you and her were seeing each other, I had completely forgotten about it."

"No you hadn't," Albus accused.

"It was barely a kiss, and it really truly wasn't anything. I only kissed her because I thought she looked a little like Rose!"

Albus looked further disgusted. "Oh my God!"

Sam felt deeply uncomfortable, and sort of like it was partially his fault this revelation had even come to light. How had they gotten onto that just from talking about his and Janey's little problem? He was intrigued to learn that if Albus hadn't known about Annabel then that must mean the other Hufflepuff girl he'd mentioned was somebody else entirely.

"What's going on?" Rose and the rest of the girls had returned to where the boys were. The redhead was looking with deep concern at Albus' fury towards Scorpius.

"It's nothing," Scorpius said to Rose, desperate, almost apologetic.

"He kissed my girlfriend!" Albus roared.

"You kissed Annabel?" Rose asked sharply, her breath catching in her throat.

"A year ago!" Scorpius protested. "Once, barely, and she slapped me because she was still seeing Tom!"

Rose didn't look any less hurt.

"He also," Albus said furiously, no forgiveness in his eyes, "lost his virginity to a twenty-four-year-old Spanish girl last summer."

"That is not true!" Scorpius roared in turn, half at Rose, half at Albus, but the latter held his ground with a fierce, challenging glint in his eye.

Sam had never seen Albus be so vindictive. He almost felt sorry for Scorpius, but it was kind of exciting to see this unexpected rivalry. Given how Scorpius had been talking to Sam earlier, he kind of felt like he deserved it.

"What?" Rose asked quietly, her bottom lip quivering.

Sam instantly regretted feeling any kind of smugness as he now saw how deeply sad Rose looked. The other girls were standing behind her in shock, Janey included.

Sam looked away, gulping. She was so absorbed in the shouting match that she hadn't even thought to look at him just yet.

"Rose," Scorpius pleaded. "That is not true, you have to believe me. Ebony can vouch for me!" he said frantically, although all the boys at least knew this wasn't true.

The girl in question looked just as shocked. "I've never heard about this?"

"Albus is exaggerating," James said kindly, both to Ebony and Rose. "It was just a snog."

Scorpius looked immensely grateful.

Albus, still intent on hurting as many people as he could, turned to Ebony instead. "James is still smoking," he said spitefully. "Despite what he told you."

James' smile dropped immediately.

Albus now turned to Janey. "And Sam—"

"Albus, for God's sake!" Sam interrupted, his heart racing. He felt Janey's eyes finally flicker toward him. "Stop!"

All three boys were glaring at Albus, with Mason just looking panicked by the unfurling drama as a whole.

"What the hell is going on?" Taylor demanded, confused by all the angry accusations flying around.

Sam was relieved that he had narrowly avoided Albus' wrath.

James, still looking deeply pissed at his younger brother, took charge. "You need to stop," he said firmly to Albus. "You"—he jabbed a finger at Albus—"need to talk to him"—he jabbed a finger at Scorpius. "And then you need to talk to her," he went on, nodding to Scorpius and then Rose.

"You," James said to Sam, angry at him for some reason, "need to talk to Janey."

Sam gulped.

"And I," James concluded, "will talk to my wife, whom I love so deeply and cherish the ground she walks upon, because she's the most incredibly beautiful, and kindest, and smartest woman who's ever—"

"Oh, save it, James," Ebony snapped.

As furious conversation erupted around them, Sam looked towards Janey who was already staring directly at him, no ounce of emotion on her face to let him know what she was feeling. She was wearing a hot pink bikini today beneath a lightweight flowing over-shirt, open to reveal her stunning figure. The bikini was very similar to the colour of her bra from the other night, and Sam could not help but think of the sight that lay beneath it.

He gulped again.

"Why do we need to talk?" she demanded.

"I didn't lose my virginity to a twenty-four-year-old Spanish girl who works in Diagon Alley," Sam assured her. "I didn't kiss Albus' girlfriend, and I'm not smoking again. Or at all."

The corners of Janey's mouth twitched ever so slightly. But her composure ultimately remained stony and silent. "Well," she said thoughtfully after a contemplative pause. "Maybe if you had done any of those things, it would justify why you've been ignoring me."

"I'm sorry, Janey," Sam said awkwardly. "I really didn't know what to say. And you didn't contact me either," he pointed out.

"I had nothing to say," she said quickly.

Sam realised Gwen and Taylor were eavesdropping just behind them, and he wondered what exactly Janey had confided to them, if anything. "Can we go for a walk?" he asked.

Janey just nodded, and together, the two of them moved away from the group.

"I'm really sorry I didn't call, Janey," Sam said, swallowing his pride. "And… for how I left in the first place." He was glad they were walking side by side so they didn't have to look each other in the eye. Janey had put her oversized sunglasses on as well, so it was even harder to read her expression.

She seemed… not warm to him, but not as cold and angry as he had thought when he'd first arrived. Perhaps all the drama that had unfurled had softened her dispassion for him.

"You could have messaged me," Janey said bitterly, unable to disguise the hurt in her voice. "Just so I knew you didn't hate me."

"I could never hate you," Sam said quickly. "I was just… embarrassed. And I thought you would be angry with me."

"I was," Janey insisted. "The way you left—and then you didn't even call to apologise or explain?"

"Janey," Sam said bravely. "What we did—what you asked me to do—was a bit overwhelming for me." He felt for sure she had turned red by his side, but he didn't want to draw attention to her discomfort. "I could tell you were uncomfortable, and I was embarrassed," he went on, "so I panicked, and I just left, and… the next day, I didn't know what I could possibly say to explain things. But I should have," he asserted. "I should have checked you were okay."

"Sam," Janey said awkwardly, "I never wanted you to do anything you didn't want to do. And I shouldn't have made you feel like you had to—"

"You didn't," Sam interrupted firmly. "Janey, please, don't blame yourself for anything. You didn't make me do anything I wasn't comfortable with—I was just unprepared for the situation as a whole. You made it very clear that I was okay to say no, and I didn't want to. It was… my own fault."

"It's not exactly how I always pictured it," she admitted. "I think I was too in my own head about it all."

"So was I."

"But it felt right in the moment, Sam. I didn't plan it," she insisted. "I wouldn't have ever suggested anything if I hadn't thought we were on the same page."

Sam offered her a coy smile, which she hesitantly returned. "I enjoyed it a lot, Janey, believe me. But this is all new to me," he explained. "Being with someone who's so confident, and sexy, and knows what they want—it's different!"

"I'm too much," Janey said sadly.

"Not at all," Sam denied. "I love that about you." He winced at the word. He knew Janey didn't like it. "I admire those parts of you," he amended. Before he could help himself, he gave her a cheeky nudge with his elbow. "I admire lots of parts of you."

Janey snorted.

"I just think, if I'd had more mental preparation, I would have been in a better headspace about it," Sam continued.

"I couldn't exactly have given you a heads-up," Janey retaliated. "I didn't plan to bring it up at all—I told you. It was a heat-of-the-moment thing…"

"I guess I thought, given how you reacted to my mum's reaction at dinner, that you weren't really considering it. So it took me completely by surprise."

"I wasn't," Janey admitted. "But things change. I've felt… ready." She looked up at him, and Sam gulped for an entirely different reason.

"You deserve better than me," he said sadly.

He could see her roll her eyes even from beneath her huge sunglasses. "I don't want better than you," Janey said fiercely. "I just want…" She took a shaky breath. "You."

Sam felt his heart melt. He reached for her hand, and she let him take it. It felt good to be able to feel her skin against his again, even if it was an entirely different scenario from the previous time.

"Why were you guys talking about losing your virginity?" Janey asked accusingly after they had walked in silence for a few minutes.

"I didn't say anything about us," Sam immediately lied. "It was—James was talking about Ebony, and things spiralled."

He hoped Janey couldn't feel his pulse quicken as they continued to hold hands. Sam did not feel comfortable so openly lying to her, but he knew neither of them wanted to hear the truth. He only hoped it would not come back to bite him in the arse—especially with the way Albus was being.

"I can't believe you're really just walking around like that," Janey said, shaking her head. "Have you no shame?" she teased.

Sam was confused. Did she mean with his shirt off? Was he really so repulsive? She hadn't seemed to mind the other night. But then he realised. His hand instinctively went to his neck.

"It's a badge of honour," he said, then instantly felt incredibly lame. "I didn't realise," he admitted, "until it was too late. But I think even Scorpius' respect went up for me."

"Did Scorpius really sleep with a twenty-four-year-old?"

Sam smiled. Janey couldn't help but crave a bit of gossip. "No," he said. "Albus only just learnt about that time he randomly kissed Annabel after the Prefect meeting—"

"I remember that," Janey mused.

"—and wanted to hurt him. Apparently it was just some snogging that might have led there, but he didn't want to go through with it."

Janey shook her head in amazement. "I suppose I should be relieved that there are multiple seventeen-year-old boys at Hogwarts trying to cling onto their virginity, and it's not just a me thing."

Sam felt uncomfortable, despite the fact that she was joking. "It was nothing to do with you, Janey," he insisted once more. "I was very, very keen once I'd gotten over my initial surprise. It was very much a me thing."

"That will hurt Rose a lot, though," Janey said, apparently not that upset with Sam despite her barbs. "It's been really hard for her to trust him again. I knew about Harriet, and Lyra—and Annabel, obviously—but another one too? I don't think she even knows about the others yet."

"Who are Harriet and Lyra?" Sam asked dumbly.

"Hufflepuff the year below us, and Albireo's half-sister."

"Oh," Sam said, still none-the-wiser. Janey seemed to know everybody at Hogwarts.

"I mean, it's obvious he was only doing it to try and get over Rose, but still, it's kind of a dick move, thinking that she wouldn't find out and be hurt by it."

"Isn't it kind of sweet that he waited for her though?" Sam said out loud, unsure why he was defending Scorpius. He still felt a bit bad about what had gone down between him and Albus just then. "At the end of the day, a few snogs isn't really anything he can't redeem himself from. Actually sleeping with someone would have been worse."

"Sex isn't a big deal," Janey countered, almost a little too defensively.

Sam felt a bit annoyed. "It is to some people."

Janey just shook her head. "Rose is just weird about stuff like that. But I guess if it matters to Scorpius too then that is sweet," she finally agreed. "It's like he knew, if he waited for her, he would get her back."

"Well, I think we all saw it coming. She was never over him either."

Janey had gone remarkably quiet, and Sam was desperate to know what was on her mind. The next question she asked, she almost seemed like she was afraid of the answer. "Is the reason you didn't want to sleep with me because… you were waiting for someone else?"

Sam was shocked. He hadn't expected that at all. "What? Of course not! Who would I even… who could I possibly be waiting for?"

Janey shrugged. "I don't know. Isabella, maybe. Or… Rose."

Sam was speechless, but he recovered himself quickly. "Janey, are you insane? There's no future for me and Rose? There was never even a past. I don't—why on earth would I think we would ever sleep together?" He was truly astounded.

Janey looked deeply uncomfortable as they continued to stroll. "I didn't mean sleeping together necessarily. I just thought—maybe part of you still kind of hoped there would be something between you."

"Rose has never wanted anything to happen between us," Sam said firmly. "It was always going to be Scorpius."

"Right," Janey said uncomfortably.

"And nor do I," Sam clarified, immediately realising his error. "I mean, yes, I obviously had a crush on her, but Janey, that was years ago. I… I've moved on. Even before you, I was over her," he vowed.

Sam never really wanted to confront his feelings for Rose, and especially didn't with Janey. He hoped he wasn't coming across as too over-defensive. The way Sam now felt for Rose Weasley was complicated—he knew that. He couldn't deny that a part of him would always care for her. There would always be a sort of sad longing in his heart, knowing that he never got to truly be with her the way he had always wanted. But that was different now.

Sam knew for certain that he did not actively want to be with Rose. It had been very apparent that she would never reciprocate the feelings he felt for her, and that things between her and Scorpius would always overshadow any possible connection either of them could form with someone else. And similarly, the way Sam felt for Janey overshadowed everything. He couldn't fathom wanting to be with anyone more than he wanted to be with her, or even entertain compromising what they already had with each other.

"Isabella means nothing to me," Sam added for good measure. "You know that. I was only dating her, in part," he finally confessed out loud, "to make you jealous." It still felt weird for him to openly admit. He had subconsciously been falling for Janey for quite some time, and been in furious denial about his feelings for her for almost a year.

Still, Janey said nothing, deep in her own thoughts.

"You're the only girl I want," Sam insisted, giving her hand a squeeze. "The only girl I've wanted for ages, the only one I want now, and the only one I will want for an incredibly long time." He knew Janey didn't like to talk about the idea of forever and long-term commitment, and in truth, Sam didn't know how long he reasonably saw their relationship lasting. But at the moment, he could see no future without her. Maybe things would be different after Hogwarts, but he didn't want to think about that. They still had a year left, and he was determined that he and Janey would see it through.

"I was jealous," Janey admitted, "but I don't think I realised it."

Sam wished she would address any of the other declarations he'd made, but he knew that was being optimistic. In a way, that was enough.

"Of course you had to go for the most annoying girl in the school."

"Are you talking about Isabella or yourself?" Sam teased.

Janey aimed a playful punch at him.

"I, uh, I am sorry though," Sam said, serious once more. "That I ruined your birthday."

"You didn't," Janey denied. "I'm just sorry that I made you so uncomfortable."

"Please don't apologise, Janey. You didn't do anything wrong, I'm just bad at communicating."

"Yeah, well, so am I," Janey said sheepishly.

Sam felt the need to confess, unsure how Janey would respond. "I did, umm, talk to Elliot," he admitted. "My stepbrother."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I… went to his house afterwards. I didn't want to go home and face my mum."

Janey turned bright red. "Oh, God. Was she upset?"

"Elliot covered for me," Sam explained. "I stayed the night before I went home in the morning. I told my mum that I'd gotten super drunk, and passed out, and was too embarrassed so crashed at Elliot's."

"Smart," Janey said, though she seemed a little sad.

"She was more concerned than angry, but I don't think I should stay out so late again."

"I wasn't going to make you," Janey said curtly.

"Oh, no, I wasn't implying anything, Janey," Sam said quickly. "I still want to see you—to be with you—I just don't think I can stay any later than midnight. You know, if we do hang out." Sam wasn't sure why she'd gotten so upset, but even he could feel he was somehow digging himself into a hole.

"Hang out?" Janey echoed.

"Well, I don't know if you want to ever see me again," Sam said playfully. "You didn't call me either."

"Hey, you were late today—I thought you weren't even going to show up!"

"I was building up the courage to face you again," Sam admitted. "I assumed you would be mad at me."

"Well, I was!"

"So what were you and the girls talking about?" Sam prompted, still playful but also dreading the answer.

Janey snorted. "Nothing like that."

Was she covering or had she really not confided in them?

"We were talking about how upset I was that you weren't speaking to me, but I just said we'd had an argument. I didn't tell them anything about what happened. It's private," she said firmly. "Just between us."

Sam felt guilty about his talk with the boys, but he still didn't feel like he should confess. "Are you upset that I talked to Elliot?" he asked instead.

"I'm not upset," Janey mumbled. "Just embarrassed. What did you say exactly?"

"Oh, that you threw yourself at me," Sam said brightly. "That no matter how much I tried to resist, you just kept begging until I caved and showed you the most disappointing twenty minutes of your life."

Janey looked like she wanted to be mad but couldn't help but smile. "Twenty minutes is a bit of a stretch. And I've had worse." She frowned. "Not… not like that," she said quickly. "I didn't mean—"

"I know, Janey," Sam said kindly.

"It wasn't… that bad."

"It was, it's okay. Not for me," Sam added quickly, not wanting to offend her. "I mean, I ruined it by feeling so self-conscious and awkward but"—he blushed—"other than that, it was kind of amazing."

"It's not like you had anything to compare it to," Janey said sadly.

"Hey, I've had some pretty dirty dreams!"

Janey snorted again. "I don't think I want to know. Anyway, I bet Elliot thinks I'm a slut."

"Quite the opposite," Sam contradicted. "He thinks it's very admirable for you to take one for the team. To lower your standards for someone so inadequate. I believe the word 'heroic' was thrown out."

Janey grinned from beneath her sunglasses.

"And I didn't—I didn't talk about you, you know, Janey?" he asked worriedly. "I was talking about me, and how I'd made it so awkward. I wasn't just, you know, sharing explicit details about us. I just, ah, wanted some guidance."

Janey looked embarrassed, and Sam sensed he should probably steer the conversation elsewhere.

"I am sorry I was such an awkward weirdo."

"Stop apologising," Janey demanded.

Sam almost apologised again but bit his tongue. "He, err, he also gave me something," he admitted. "To use… if we ever—not that I'm expecting us to, I just—"

"Gave you what?" Janey asked suspiciously.

Sam thought of the small cardboard box he had concealed in his bedside drawer underneath a stack of comic books. He hadn't known where else to put them and could only pray his mum wouldn't go snooping. "Um… protection."

"Oh." Janey looked pale.

Sam took a breath, thinking about Elliot and how he was about to make him proud. "Janey, I, err, I know you said it didn't matter, but I really don't feel comfortable being, um, intimate if we don't use—"

"No, I was wrong," Janey interrupted. She looked up at him. "I'm sorry, Sam, it really wasn't okay. I don't know why I acted like that—I was just worried about ruining the mood—but it absolutely wasn't okay."

Sam felt a rush of relief. So it turned out this talking thing really did resolve a lot of stress and confusion. "Okay," he gulped. "That's—I'm glad. Thank you." Thank you?—he echoed in his head. Why on earth had he said that?

"But I kind of figured you were done with me," Janey suggested.

"Never," Sam vowed. "I was just embarrassed by myself—it really wasn't anything to do with you." He squeezed her hand again. "I promise I won't act like that again. You deserve better."

"You know," Janey said coyly. "We don't have to count it."

"Count—?"

"We could, err, try again. Have a do-over."

All Sam's blood has rushed to his face. "I don't know, Janey, are you sure?" He hadn't expected this at all. Sam had been so preoccupied and focused on getting through seeing Janey again and begging her not to dump him that he hadn't even thought beyond that task. But he didn't want to offend her again.

"No, it was stupid, I shouldn't have said anything," Janey mumbled.

"Hey." Sam gripped her upper arm, pulling her to a halt and forcing her to look at him. "I don't want you to think I don't desperately want to be with you," he said firmly. "In every way possible."

Janey blushed.

"I'm just worried about disappointing you. I don't have any experience," he admitted.

"Neither do I," Janey insisted.

"And I'm not… sexy."

Janey opened her mouth, maybe to protest, but Sam interrupted before he'd ever know.

"I'm nothing like you. You're so"—Sam bit his lip without thinking—"confident. You know exactly what you want, and you're not afraid to ask for it. And you're stunning," he went on. "Like, you are physically flawless. There isn't a single thing wrong with you. A single thing that isn't incredibly sexy, and wonderful, and enchanting. And I will never compare to that."

"Sam, shut up," Janey said quickly, looking flustered. "You are everything I want." She echoed his earlier sentiments. "There's no one else I want to do this with. And I don't expect anything from you. I don't know what I'm doing either. All I know is I want this with you."

Sam felt the urge to tell her of James' theories about the enchantments at Hogwarts, but he bit his tongue. Yes, it was likely Janey only felt such desirable longing because it had been withheld from her, but he would be an idiot to dissuade all the flattery.

"I am so beyond lucky," Sam murmured. "I don't ever want to lose you."

Janey flung herself at Sam, similarly to how she had done for their very first kiss in Rosewood Manor, clinging to his neck, and wrapping her legs around his waist. She kissed him with vigour.

Sam gripped at her thighs either side of him and kissed her back with just as much enthusiasm. Not really caring who was watching, he manoeuvred them back towards where the rest of their group was, intermittently snogging and giggling together. When Janey finally unwound herself from his neck and excused herself to go to the toilet, Sam felt incredibly giddy. He wasn't sure whether or not he and Janey had just made a pact to redo their first time or not—it was still a little hazy—but he would jump that hurdle when he needed to. Right then, he was just ecstatic that she still wanted anything to do with him.

It was very apparent that Sam's good mood did not extend to the rest of the group, however. Everyone looked thoroughly sullen and sulky, eyeing him with particular distaste. James grabbed Sam's arm and yanked him out of earshot of the girls.

"You better have as much sex with Janey as you possibly can," he snarled, "because thanks to you, none of us are getting any for the rest of the summer."

Sam looked over James' shoulder. Scorpius was sitting on the sand, sadly letting it run through his fingers. Rose was sitting as far away from him as possible. She was next to Ebony, whose lips were pursed in an uncharacteristic frown. Albus stood near the back looking a little guilty.

"It wasn't my fault," Sam hissed back.

"Alright, just be grateful Hurricane Albus didn't get a chance to devastate your relationship today."

Sam knew he shouldn't laugh, given how clearly upset the others all were, but he couldn't help it, struggling to suppress his smirk. Oh, he was incredibly happy.

James shook his head with envy. "I'm serious, Sam."

Sam just grinned from ear to ear. "I'll do my best." And that time, he was certain he would.

Author's Note: Title and epigraph inspired by Neiked's 'Sexual'

Well, well, well, you heard it here first—no shagging at Hogwarts. I always, in my mind, kind of felt uncomfortable at the thought of sex at Hogwarts. It didn't seem like it fit into the whimsy of the world—despite the many, many smutty fanfics!—but at the same time recognised that with that many teenagers, it would be naive of me to think there weren't any sexual escapades going on. And yes, I know it's all fictional anyway, so it's irrelevant, but I always subconsciously justified it with the thought of some kind of unacknowledged enchantments being in place to prevent it. So there we are—it only made sense to incorporate my headcanon lore into this story with the introduction of more mature themes and a reluctance to write them into life at Hogwarts!

Anyway, see you for a new chapter next week!