A/N: Brief Lemon Warning, Yuri

A/N: Sensitive Subject Matter: message at end of chapter

The alarm clock was as annoying as it ever was, a device meant to awaken… in this case it was set to prevent too much oversleeping. Slapping it hard with her hand, Maya slowly sat up, rubbing her eyes. Her bed was cold again, and looking to her side, she saw her Sempai's side of the bed was not slept in at all. Another night alone… no wonder her alarm woke her.

"Work or sex, I wonder," Maya groaned sardonically. She rubbed her eyes and slipped out of bed. After completing her morning routine, she dressed in a casual ensemble of jeans and a t-shirt and walked over to the window. She saw Ritsuko working at her workshop, and it looked to her like she'd been at it all night. This was at least the third time this week she brunt the midnight oil to further her worklist.

"Work then," Maya sighed. Ritsuko obsessed over everything it seemed, everything… except her.

Maya made her way down the hall. It sounded to her like Asuka might be awake, and her door was partly opened. Deciding she'd say hi, she opened the door then had to quickly avert her gaze. Asuka and Mari were going at it on the bed as normal. Bodies rubbing, sweet sweat pouring, and the whole room smelled of sex.

Before she could pull herself away from such a sight, Asuka noticed her, giving a beckoning gesture. Maya only felt the absence of her beloved sempai all the more in that moment and silently closed the door.

"This place is a freaking love hotel," Maya whispered to herself as she continued down the hall…

Archdruid Sephiroth Presents

The Eighth Chapter of the Symphony of Shadows Saga

Dearly Beloved…

I: End of the Line

Finally reaching down stairs, she poured herself some cereal and began eating alone. It was after 1pm already, and she had slept in again. But she already knew the reason why she slept in all the time now; because she was useless to everyone.

"Why do they even keep me around?" she wondered.

Maya knew little about depression, but she knew she was well within it's grasp now. There was no joy in her life anymore. Ritsuko barely had time for her between her work to get everyone equipped properly and getting dragged into love-making sessions with Shinji or one of the other girls. She'd been fucking Misato a lot lately… probably reliving their college days since both girls de-aged a bit when they received their powers. Misato, by her very nature was a bit of a nymphomaniac, and she can be quite forceful and persuasive. Maya herself, despite her increase in bravery over her old bridge bunny self, was not nearly as assertive, even when she really wanted something. Her lack of self-confidence contributed to her problems. But there was something else holding her back, especially when compared to the other seven members of the harem.

All of the other girls had access to supernatural powers; glyphic magic, vampiric abilities, botanical mastery, demonic power, angelic heritage, forge mastery, and even straight up magic. Maya had none of this; she was just an ordinary girl, living amongst goddesses, and ruled over by some kind of Vampire King… a vampire she indirectly helped bring into being… and all because she wanted something for herself and tried to assert her claim. But this was but one of many reasons she felt completely and utterly useless.

It also didn't help that anything else she could do, one of the other girls could do better. While she had a slight edge in programming knowledge over Hikari, she was never going to be able to compete with Hikari in virtually every other category. As far as Maya was concerned, the girl had it all; beauty, power, intelligence, and the attention of most of the harem. She was more and more assertive every day and proving herself more and more invaluable. The fact that she also seemed to be wearing less and less all the time probably contributed to the attention she was getting.

She sighed; her list of shortcomings seemed to be getting bigger every day, so much so it was affecting everything in her life including her own health. Now it seemed that her appetite was gone… another sure sign that she was suffering from depression. Dumping out what was left of her breakfast, she rinsed her bowl and proceeded towards her small computer lab on the opposite side of the house. The more she thought about everything the more she hated her situation.

She entered the north-south hallway that ran along the eastmost side of the home. This house was massive, and it almost felt like it was getting bigger all the time, threating to swallow her whole, yet when she was trying to be alone and avoid everyone, it seemed that was the time she was least alone…

"Right on que…"

Hikari was in the hall, likely heading for her greenhouse. Her face holding a gentle smile as she approached. Even in the limited light of the hallway, her skin seemed to glow with life itself.

"Good afternoon, Maya," she greeted warmly.

"Hey," Maya replied in a low voice.

"Something wrong?" Hikari asked, noting her seemingly sour demeanor.

"Only everything," Maya thought before settling on, "Nothing you can help me with."

Hikari frowned slightly. "I can try." She knew Maya was almost constantly upset about things now, but getting the girl to open up to her, or anyone else was like forcing a flower bud to open in total darkness.

Maya looked her over briefly. Hikari was wearing one of her light sundresses again, a pretty green color with thin shoulder straps, a muted flower pattern, and obviously nothing underneath it. She claims she's breathing though her skin, which is why she has to wear so little, but Maya wonders about that. Scientifically that seems impossible, but then again when the supernatural is at play, science is only a suggestion. Still, she was convinced Hikari was mostly naked to keep herself accessible to others, and inwardly wondered how many times Ritsuko took advantage of this, or was simply seduced by it.

"No," Maya replied flatly and walked past her, intending to get away from this ray of sunshine she did not welcome, but she only got a few steps before the flower girl spoke again.

"You're never going to get better unless you talk about it."

Maya stopped. Hikari wasn't expecting the look on her face when she turned to face her. It was a hopelessness she only saw on one other person in her life… her oldest sister.

"No one can help me," Maya insisted. "No one can understand."

"Not if you don't-"

"You have NO frame of reference," Maya interrupted causing Hikari to look a bit shocked at the sudden outburst. "No inkling suspicions of what it is I feel. You're wasting your time if you think you do."

"I know what it's like to lose someone you love, but Ritsuko isn't gone. Maya, we all care about you, can't you see that?"

Maya was even more upset at Hikari's attempts to console her, so much so that she was actually a little angry at the girl's repeated attempts. "No, you really don't know what it's like. You only know what its like to lose a crush, because you never got that chance. I've had everything I wanted in this life and all of that got torn away from me by forces I can't control. Whoever said 'it's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all', was full of shit."

Hikari looked away, a tear in one of her eyes. "You didn't have to bring that up." Despite the time passed, she was still hurting deep inside at Touji's death. But she still wanted to help Maya so badly, she was willing to push even this pain aside. Hikari couldn't bring back the dead, but she could still help those that survive. It seemed to her that Maya just wasn't having it.

"Stop pushing, Hikari. I don't want your help." Maya started to walk away, and Hikari saw the tears starting in the slight girl's eyes as she did so. "No one can help me…"

Maya heard Hikari try to get her to wait, but she ignored her. She had to get away from all these people trying to comprehend what she was going through. She knew they could never understand. Her only true companion now was crushing despair.

An hour later, Maya sat in her computer lab in front of a laptop she used for off-the-network experiments with code. She had been staring at the screen for about that long. Sometimes her fingers would be over the keys, ready to start typing away… others she removed them and tried to think… but never during that hour did a single key get pressed.

There was no joy… not even boredom… just nothing. One of her favorite activities, and she couldn't even get herself to try writing even a single line of code. Sighing she used the pad and closed the editing app. The screen went black and she came face to face with herself… slight little pathetic Maya. Her eyes had dulled, she had bags despite sleeping in up to 12 hours at a time, her frown was impossible to remove…

… She hated what she saw… and she realized at that moment, she had begun to hate herself. She hated her weakness, she hated her appearance, she hated the fact that she was useless…

Her face turned to anger, pain welling up inside, becoming hostile… in that moment she hated everything. With a single motion she stood up and used her meager strength to sweep the laptop from the desk as hard as she could. The old machine snapped at the hinge on impact with the wall, the screen cracking and several keys sprayed about the room. She took a single step away from the computer desk then simply fell to her knees and cried, burying her hands into her face. Tears fell without pause… the pain in her heart overwhelming.

"I'm worthless… a mockery… what purpose can I possibly serve anyone?"

Her eyes fixated on a table nearby, one she used for crafts projects and planning. On it she knew she would find something she desired now, the only thing she desired. It was almost calling to her…

"There is a solution… I wonder if I will even be missed?"

She forced herself back to her feet and walked towards the crafts table. Finding a case cutter, she opened the storage space in the handle and removed a fresh blade. The gleam off of the edge was suddenly the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen in her life. Taking the blade, she walked back to the room she shared with Ritsuko and into their private bathroom. There set in the floor on the far side was the soaking tub. Maya turned on the water and made sure it was nice and hot, not too hot for her to handle, but hot enough for the purpose it would serve.

"It's easy… so easy… and it will happen fast. It might hurt a bit, but not nearly as much as the pain I'm in now…"

As the water continued to flow, she began to remove her clothes, folding each article neatly on the countertop next to the sink. After removing the last article, she stood in front of the mirror. Her body was thin, almost boney, she had feminine curves… if you counted protruding hip bones and a laughable bust. When Shinji made love to her the last time, he told her how beautiful she was, but Maya never believed it. All those times he took her, made her moan and sigh, as far as she was concerned were just to try to make her feel better. There was no love… no passion… nothing worth feeling, just pure animal lust, and the darkness returned even as he cuddled with her beneath the thick comforter.

She placed the blade on the edge of the tub before she slowly lowered herself into the clear water. In a few moments, it wouldn't be so clear anymore…

"Will they even bother to bury me? They might just leave me in the woods for the wolves…"

What did it matter? She knew they all hated her secretly, likely talked behind her back… talking about how worthless she was… the pathetic one that would always need protecting and saving. Even Hikari must have secretly hated her for being so weak, pathetic, and vulnerable all the time. Such a thought would seem irrational to anyone else, but to Maya, it was the truth of things.

She remembered how Ritsuko was always too busy, when Maya used to be the one to pull her out of her workaholism long enough to have some fun. Now no amount of pleading or seduction would break her concentration… but the other girls… In truth, she had never seen Ritsuko with any of them, not even any proof that she was with Misato at all, but in her mind that was the truth of it… forsaken by even the one she loved.

No further justification was needed…

She didn't even feel the blade dig into her flesh to open her veins as she drew the blade from wrist to elbow. She did this to both arms and laid back as the water turned red around her. It didn't take long for her vision to begin to dim. She thought she heard something, a pounding at the door… a voice… so distant… her head sank into the red water. She idly wondered if she would bleed out or drown first…

Darkness closed around her… she welcomed its embrace…

Suddenly she couldn't breathe. Despite wanting to die, her instincts kicked in and she forced herself out of the water, breathing hard. She wiped the water from her eyes. It was still bloody, but now she noted the lack of light. Didn't she leave the light on? The porcelain was cracked and damaged, no coating remained it chafed her skin every time she moved despite the almost viscous water.

Her eyes swept the room and her heart skipped a beat. The room looked like it had gone though over 50 years of decay. Drywall was broken, missing, molding, the water stank of old blood, the ground uneven with missing tiles, sections of the ceiling missing revealing rotted beams, glimpses of the upstairs rooms, and even the cold grey sky. She dragged herself out of the water noting her wounds were gone somehow. She managed to get to her feet, coughed as the airborne dust tickled her lungs. A low drone of the wind could be heard and she could feel the cold wind biting her naked and bloody body. She stumbled out of the bathroom, the broken tiles hurt and she was sure she was slicing her feet. Even the hallway was showing major signs of entropy. She carefully made her way down the hall and to the stairs. Most were missing but she did manage to find a route to get down to the ground floor.

Maya missed a step on the way and fell down, she felt the decayed wood cut her body, rusted nails bite her flesh… She hissed from the pain, and she knew she would soon have infected wounds. She dragged herself back up… the main room was ahead, and there was a black robed figure facing away from her, somehow standing out from the endless gloom around her. She suddenly felt very subconscious about her situation.

"Ex… Excuse me," she said in a lower voice, as she tried to cover her nudity. "Can you help me? Can you tell me where I am?" She approached slowly and the figure moved little. "This place seems familiar and yet… I don't know. What is this place?"

The hooded figure raised its head as it slowly turned around, Maya noted skeletal hands as it turned, causing her heart to leap into her throat. As it continued to turn, she felt an almost primal revulsion, no longer concerned about her state of undress as she backed up a step. The head of this monster turned towards her revealing a grinning skull.

"The end of the line," it spoke as it approached her. It's voice masculine, but gravely, almost like nails on a chalkboard. Its eyes were empty… but not just empty…

There were no eyes, just pits of darkness even darker than the blackest night she'd ever experienced. It was like staring into the abyss, and now that abyss had seized her. She couldn't look away… no matter how hard she tried she couldn't tear her eyes away from this horrible thing…

Terror held her body in its unbreaking vice, she couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't even think about trying to. The skeletal thing before her began to reach out towards her, icy cold biting into her skin as if the very air around this thing was even colder than the rest of this place. She wanted to look away, didn't want to see it happen, but she was frozen. The monster's fingers drew closer to her, reaching towards her chest as if to try to grab at her heart then stopped, holding the hand just an inch from her skin. The flesh quivered in revulsion. She was paralyzed… frozen… and yet…

Confusion seemed to set in for the skeletal apparition. Its eyes no longer locked on hers. She could breathe again, she backed up, watched as the monster held its hand up in front of it, considering it as if something wasn't right.

"Strange… why can't I take your last breath?"

I see a red door and I want it painted black,

No colors anymore, I want them to turn black

I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes,

I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

-The Rolling Stones, "Painted Black"

"Is… is this what death is really like? Why would anyone want this?! I regret telling them I didn't want to become a vampire if I was beyond saving… Death is here for me… and I have a dreadful feeling my torment has only just begun…"

Next Chapter: Nightmare

A/N: Depression is a serous mental illness that affects far too many people across the world. If you feel like you're suffering from this terrible ailment, please get help. I've seen too many people succumb to it, and though thankfully no one in my immediate circle lost their lives over it, such a thing is more than too common.

This story is not meant to glorify suicide. If you are thinking of taking your own life, I urge you to get help. Numerous resources are available. Life is too precious a gift to simply throw away. You may not think so but you will be missed, and you will be hurting more people than you realize….