She felt better after having a chunder. Washing her mouth out with water, she re-joined the others. Astarion was still sitting where she'd left him looking pensively off into the underbrush.

Gus called them to start out again. Everyone shifted, falling into line behind her father. Who knew this would be a militaristic holiday?

She caught up with Astarion as he went to re-join his spot up near the front.

"Hey, walk with me a bit" she said, touching his shoulder.

He looked down at her, & she could see he was a million miles away. She filed that look away, so she knew what to look out for in the future, just in case. He nodded, joining her.

"I'm sorry for knowing about your scars. I shouldn't have said anything."

"It doesn't bother me you did; you'd seen them anyway. For the longest time I thought they were just the ravings of a madman. To know they mean something, though… that bothers me."

"I imagine it does."

"All those years …" he continued, "… & that … bastard … was laughing at me."

There was nothing to say to this. So, she just listened.

"I can't believe … Infernal. Do you know what he told me it was?"

"No." Yes.

"A poem. He carved it into my back over the course of a night. If I moved, if I screamed, or cried or made any sound at all, he'd stop, heal the wounds he'd made already, & start again."

Fucking hell, hearing this in person was … just horrible. She'd had others over time confess to abuse of all sorts; the salon environment & developing trust in ones' therapist made them a safe person to open to … it eluded her right now how she'd suddenly become Astarion's safe person to confess to, what with screaming at him like a harpy & calling him names, but maybe he'd sensed her empathy, like all the others.

"Can you tell me about him? Or is that too much?"

"About Cazador? Why?"

"It helps to give voice to it, sometimes. Or not. It's entirely up to you. I'm not interested in him as a person or his motives. I'm interested in how you perceive him."

"Oh, I perceive a monster who needs to be destroyed." He was utter viciousness suddenly, his posture bending, arms reaching out & ending in hands clenched like claws. He was entirely feral for a moment. This was the caged beast who lived at the heart of Astarion as he was right now. All she wanted to do was bundle him off & cuddle it out of him.

Then he straightened.

"But that will have to wait until we deal with these parasites, I suppose."

"It'll come."

"Will it? Or will he find some way to drag me back? He has, before. Once, years ago, I broke free. I managed to get quite a ways out to a town; I can't remember the name. I holed up in the tavern there. He found me that very night. Sent the other spawn to fetch me. That earned me a three-year stint in the kennels."

He turned to her fully as they continued walking.

"The kennels are where he kept the more unruly spawn. I spent a lot of time there. When he got sick of torturing us, he had Godey take over in his stead."

Christ those flood gates had opened wide, hadn't they? All the hate & fear were now spilling out everywhere, & she doubted he could control it right now. This was exactly like a cyst that had been left to fester; apparently, she was the one to come along & lance it.

"I know for a fact that if you stay here – with us – he doesn't get you." No, that possibility came later in Baldur's Gate. She also knew for a fact that if he left the party, he was as good as dead.

"That little foresight ability of yours? How interesting." He paused. "How much information are you privy to that you don't let on?"

Holy moly who said he wasn't as sharp as Gale?

"Um, a bit." And then some.

"So, you know more about this Ascendent ritual." He wasn't asking.

"Just a tad."

His lips quirked upward just right; his eyes heavily surveying her through his lashes as he swayed toward her.

"I wonder what it would take to make you … want … to share."

Was it her, or did he just subtly present his body in the best possible way for her to purview him? She was strongly minded of jewellery presented just so under the light of the showcase. Suddenly, Astarion's seduction techniques became icky. Belle found she no longer liked it; give her serious Astarion like he'd been last night when they'd just talked, or smart arse Astarion, or Astarion who was spewing bile & acid everywhere. They were real; not this caricature he'd been forced to present to the world.

There was no way he knew that what he was doing wasn't what he actually wanted to do right now. And it was her he was propositioning, not any of the others. The others didn't know what she did. Ergo, it was her sacred mission to make sure he navigated his own way to freedom & autonomy. But she'd have to start on his terms. Astarion understood that if he wanted something, he had to give something. So, she'd give him something positive.

"Cuddles."

"Ohh … into that sort of thing, are we? I suppose …I could do … that."

"You don't sound very enthusiastic. Must be too out there for you. I understand it's not to everyone's taste…"

"I didn't say no. Cuddling is … fine. Especially if it leads to other things, darling."

It sure did … more cuddling!