Yae Miko entered the classroom pushing a handcart of sex toys. She set up everything on the desk. Her students—the ladies of the UHA—awaited today's lesson. It disturbed Miko how eagerly they accepted her instruction. They assumed when it came to sex, she was the undisputed queen, which she was, but still.
"Today we discuss sex toys," said Miko. "Dildos have been around for centuries. In ancient Enkanomiya, men often made stuffed dildos out of leather and gave them to their wives before they went to war. In old Mondstadt, the aristocracy had dildos made from silver and ivory. Now, dildos aren't just for pleasure. You can use them to stretch your vaginal tissues, making them more flexible, and strengthen your pelvic floor, which will make penetration easier. Think of them like… training tools. Masturbation on your own or with a partner has several health benefits, but let's discuss that in another class."
Yae Miko pressed a button on a remote which turned on the projector. A scandalous photograph of a dildo appeared on the screen, and predictably, Noelle fainted. Thankfully, her head landed on the pillow they'd laid out for her. Nobody paid it much mind.
"There's a common misconception that if you use a dildo, it means you and your partner don't get along. People think that dildos are for solitary masturbation. Nothing could be further from the truth. Couples who use sex toys often report having better communication and sex with their partners. Moreover, there are several dildos designed with partners in mind."
She flipped the screen showing an image of a double-penetration dildo. Then she showed the next picture where the double penetration dildo was used between two partners. Miko explained how partners could use this object to provide each other with mutual stimulation. It was especially popular among lesbians and bisexuals, she explained while glancing at Arlecchino. The Knave reddened in a way that Miko found oh-so adorable. Miko knew one of her own people when she saw them.
Yae Miko pressed another button on the remote, switching to a slide she had titled: How to use Dildos Safely. It had bullet points listing her main points. Ever studious Layla and Sucrose copied everything. Yae Miko paused a moment so they could finish. This was an important section and she had to make sure the girls learned this part by heart.
"Generally," she began, "choose dildos with nonporous materials like body-safe glass, silicone, or metals. Products sold as sex toys don't receive the same scrutiny or regulation that mainstream products do. A dildo sold as a 'for novelty use only,' might contain harmful plastics or chemicals. When purchasing a sex toy, look for customer reviews or get recommendations from an Adult Store. I recommend Puma's Den."
Yae Miko wrote down the addresses of several adult stores on the whiteboard. Shinobu, Yanfei, and Ganyu took notes. Everyone found scratch paper and wrote down an address of a store in her respective nation. She gave them a moment to copy it all down. The last thing she wanted was one of her friends getting a vaginal infection. Baizhu wouldn't enjoy treating one of those.
A thought crossed her mind. Baizhu often took on his patients' illnesses, so how would he take on a vaginal infection? Hmm, maybe she'd ask him sometime.
"I recommend starting small," she said. "You want to work up to a wide girth. A survey found that the typical size sold is four to six inches in length and between four to five inches in diameter. That's a good place to start.
"Now remember, if you choose to go anal, lubricate beforehand. The ass doesn't produce lubrication like the vagina, so you have to do it yourself. If you don't, you might seriously injure your tissues and cause an infection."
And I have no idea if Baizhu could take that on, she thought.
"That being said, be careful of the lubrication you use must suit the toy. Water-based lubricants are largely okay, but some silicone-based lubricants can damage silicone dildos."
She heard Sucrose mutter something about chemical reactions under her breath. Mona's eyes widened—no doubt fretting about the idea of accidentally destroying one of her toys and wasting Mora. She made sure to take copious notes.
"Make sure you thoroughly wash your dildo after use, especially between using it on different body parts. Yes, Amber?"
"So, we should also wash the toy when multiple people use it?"
"Indeed. However, it might be more efficient to slip a condom over the dildo. In that case, make sure you change the condom between uses. Condoms are a necessity if you use PVC or rubber-based toys because those materials are porous, which means they can absorb bacteria more easily."
"Um, Dr. Miko?" chimed Collei. "How do you put a condom on a dildo?"
Yae Miko opened a rubber and put it atop a dildo, unraveling it until it covered the shaft from tip to base. She explained that the process wasn't anything special; it was basically like putting a condom on Aether's cock.
"I'm sure we all have experience with that," she said jokingly. Everyone chuckled. Miko pressed a button, flipping to a slide that showed numerous types of sex toys. Noelle woke up, saw them, and fainted once again.
Yae Miko scanned the room for any other shrinking violets. Collei, Sucrose, and Ganyu paled, daunted by the sheer variety of toys available. Navia giggled with amusement, while Mirror Maiden and Lisa took photographs of the diverse selection Xiangling looked at the toys hungrily—not sexual, but hungry-hungry. Miko sighed. That girl's appetite was obscene.
"There are several types of dildos: metal, glass, silicon, etcetera, and what you use could be a matter of preference. Whatever you do, make sure you wash your dildo thoroughly after every use. Again, you don't want an infection."
Miko switched to a slide that showed a glass dildo and listed the pros and cons. She went into detail with each point.
"Glass dildos are non-toxic, durable, and easy to use. Personally, I don't care for them because they lack flexibility. That being said, they have a rare advantage in that you can warm them up or cool them down as you like. That can be fun if you want to try something new."
She clicked a button, changing to the next slide.
"Silicone is a diverse material and is frequently used with sex toys. It's body-safe, smooth, easy to clean, and unlike glass, it can be firm or soft. But if you use one, avoid cleaning it with silicone as that could degrade it. Moreover, silicone dildos can contain non-body-safe materials. Make sure to use a dildo made of medical-grade silicone.
"Metal dildos are body-safe and easy to clean. However, they can be heavy so generally you want to use them if you're after more intense stimulation. Metal lacks flexibility which may be a turn-off for some, but like glass, it's temperature sensitive."
"Excuse me? Professor Miko," said Barbara. "How will we know which one is best for us?"
"Honestly, it's a matter of preference. I'll let you all test some of the dildos later to get an idea of what you like best."
Yae Miko went to the sink and turned on the faucet. "Now, we'll be learning how to properly clean a dildo."
"Did someone say 'clean'?!" Noelle bolted upright with wide, eager eyes.
Yae Miko explained that they would have to clean their toy properly. Anything battery-operated or rechargeable couldn't go in the dishwasher. One might let a metal dildo rest in a bleach-water solution for ten minutes or put a nonvibrating silicone dildo in boiling water for five to ten minutes.
This time, Noelle took thorough notes without once growing faint. At numerous points, she asked for clarification on proper cleaning: what type of soap should they use, what temperature should they store the toy between uses, and how long could one last? She answered them all as best she could.
Finally, Yae Miko modeled the six steps of using a dildo starting with cleaning it. That probably kept Noelle from fainting again. She further explained that a warm dildo would feel better on the skin. Yae Miko demonstrated how to lube it up.
"Water-based lubes have to be reapplied," she explained, "silicon-based lubes last longer but they're better for glass or steel toys."
She demonstrated dildo foreplay, which involved rubbing the stick against one's inner thigh, caressing the anus or vagina with the tip. Finally, with all of them watching, Yae Miko demonstrated the ancient practice of dildoing.
It gave her satisfaction seeing Arlecchino blush and bite her lip. Especially amusing though were the scandalized expressions on Ganyu, Collei, and Furina. Honestly, she couldn't understand their embarrassment. They'd orgied together countless times, so it wasn't like they hadn't seen one another naked.
While Miko worked the shaft in her body, she offered them tips for better stimulation and safety. She switched to a hard dildo and showed how one could use it to hit a sensitive area like the A-spot. Then, she pressed a button that switched to a slide with a diagram of deep vaginal erogenous zones labeling the U-Spot, A-Spot, and O-Spot. Miko demonstrated how one might maneuver the dildo towards those spots and stimulate orgasm.
Yae Miko finished by showing how to clean the toy post-use. To her surprise, Noelle was wide awake.
"Huh, I thought you would've passed out by now," she murmured.
"Oh no, I couldn't do that when you're teaching about cleaning," she said.
"I just shoved a dildo into my vagina. Doesn't that bother you?"
"It reminds me of sword practice. The motions you used were not unlike the ones I use for sharpening my claymore on a great sword!"
Beidou, Dehya, and Navia all nodded along to the statement, remarking on the similarities between dildoing and sharpening a sword. Eula nodded although in a more diminished nature. She crossed her thighs, hoping nobody would know she spurted twice already. They did. They just pretended not to notice.
Yae Miko reflected briefly that Eula might benefit from adult diapers, then decided against suggesting such a thing to the prideful knight.
She offered each person various dildos and had them practice like she'd shown them. A few like Collei and Lynette wanted privacy to practice and took their toys to solitary rooms. The social butterflies like Yoimiya and Navia didn't have a problem showing off. Arlecchino almost went off for privacy but thought better of it. Yae Miko could guess her thoughts: the Knave didn't need Yae Miko to pop in on her when she was all alone. Pity. Yae Miko had been excited to tease the Knave if they were alone.
Remarkably, the most adept dildo users ended up being not Yelan or Lisa or Mirror Maiden, but every sword-wielding gal. Each wielded their toy like a blade, with steady, strong hands. Ayaka proved especially effective, each thrust made with a precision cultivated by her training. Of course, none surpassed Ei the most disciplined warrior in their ranks. Yae Miko wasn't too happy knowing Ei had her beat in one field of sexual recreation.
The class drew to a close. She gave them an assignment: by the next class, find your preferred dildo type. Be ready to explain your decision.