Chapter 6.3 - The New Hire Orientation Affair, Part 3

For the third day in a row, Shinji came into CONTROL HQ to meet another of his instructors for the other 'part-time job' he'd found himself with. This time, he was directed to another room on the main administrative level, one resembling a classroom, of all things. When he entered, he found Kodama waiting for him, along with another new-to-him face. It was another American man, in his mid-80s but still with some color to his hair. There was something about him that made Shinji think of a photo in one of the booklets of liner notes in one of the CDs of his 'deprogramming material' that he'd perused the other evening, something that he voiced almost immediately.

"Um, hello," he greeted the newcomer. "This may sound weird, but were you a famous pop star in your younger years?"

"You will not believe how often I get asked that," the newcomer said with a light chuckle. "But I did double for Frankie Avalon on one assignment-even my handlers noted how uncanny my resemblance was to him."

"Oh-now I see it," Shinji noted.

"Shinji, allow me to introduce you to Mr. Craig Gamble," Kodama chimed in, "veteran CONTROL operative currently in semi-retirement. He's agreed to help us get you into spying shape by teaching you some of his own...unique methodology."

"Um, nice to meet you, Sir," Shinji greeted in turn as he shook Gamble's hand. "What kind of spy were you, way back when?"

"Glad you asked, Shinji," Gamble replied as he pushed himself off of the desk he'd been leaning on. "You see, when I first started out in the business, I was a SIC man."

Shinji's eyes widened on hearing that. "Wait, you were sick?"

"That's right, SIC," Gamble answered with a nod.

"Sick with what?" Shinji probed further.

"Oh, no, no, no-SIC, short for Secret Intelligence Command," Gamble corrected him.

"It was one of a number of minor, smaller outfits set up by the U.S. government during the early Sixties," Kodama elaborated. "Mr. Gamble here was based out of the San Francisco branch office, the smallest out of all of them."

"I was given the number 00-and-a-Half during my time as an agent," Gamble added. "Although I admit, looking back, I wasn't a very effective one. I never could figure out why, seems like whenever I was sent on assignment, some girl would always catch my fancy and I'd trip over myself..." Shinji and Kodama exchanged a brief look, Kodama's informing Shinji that Gamble just uttered the very reason for why. "My one big break came during the summer of '65, when I stumbled onto the scheme of a mad scientist by the name of Dr. Goldfoot."

Shinji quirked an eyebrow at the mention of that name. "Dr. Goldfoot? Really? What, did he have some kind of golden prosthetic?"

"Actually, it was for the pair of gold lamé slippers he was known for wearing," Gamble replied. "Anyway, he and his assistant were building and sending out into the world a series of beautiful android women, all to seduce, marry, and then rob blind the richest men across the globe. And boy, you'd have to be dead or gay to not fall for them-I know I got suckered in by one in particular, a fine piece of machinery given the name Diane."

"Almost sounds like a bad movie plot," Shinji commented while absentmindedly scratching his head, almost in utter disbelief over how ridiculous said plot sounded. "How'd you thwart it?"

"I wound up teaming with one of Diane's victims, a young millionaire bachelor named Todd Armstrong," Gamble answered. "(Not the late actor, mind you.) It took some doing, but we managed to get the drop on his ambitions-though as a lingering consequence, I haven't been able to look at a gold bikini the same way since then."

"How'd you end up with CONTROL?" Shinji asked.

"Following the 'Goldfoot incident', it was decided that SIC would be absorbed into CONTROL, to make things more efficient for the U.S. intelligence sector," Kodama explained.

"I consider it a blessing in disguise-thanks to CONTROL's resources and training, I became a better agent," Gamble added. "Specifically, they taught me how to better utilize one of my key traits on missions, something I hadn't figured before then."

"And that is...?" Shinji asked.

Gamble responded by going to the chalkboard and started to write. Once finished, he pointed to the two words he'd written: "Obfuscating stupidity," Gamble stated, confusing Shinji. "Using my own bumbling nature to completely throw enemy agents off, a gamble (pardon the pun) that's paid off for me 99% of the time." He then walked over to Shinji and put a hand on his shoulder. "Now, I've read up on your file, so with you, we're going to help you hone a similar method. In this case, we're going to help you become a master of...obfuscating timidity."

"Basically, showing you how to weaponize your shyness," Kodama laid out simply.

Shinji looked between the two of them, before throwing a glance in our direction. "Somehow, I'm not going to feel okay about this," he said resignedly. "Then again, seems like it'll be useful to know the perks of being a wallflower."

"Funny you should say that," Kodama hinted as she handed Shinji a book. "A bit of extra reading material to help you along."

On giving it a look, a comical anime sweat-drop appeared by his head once he read the title:

The Perks of Being a Wallflower, by Stephen Chbosky.

To be continued...

Featuring:

Craig Gamble - Frankie Avalon

*Author's Note(s)*

Another day, another new mentor for Shinji pulled from the realm of spy spoof obscurity. Case in point, one of the two leads from one of my now-favorite cult films (after first viewing it almost a month ago), 1965's Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine, starring Vincent Price in the title role. It's probably the one movie where American International Pictures' (at the time) two major moneymakers-the 'Beach Party' series of teen comedies starring Frankie Avalon and the horror film adaptations of Edgar Allen Poe works featuring Vincent Price-had the most unlikely convergence. (Something the filmmakers even pointed out in one of the most famous cameos/in-jokes in the entire movie.) Oddly enough, Avalon and co-star Dwayne Hickman (the title character of the TV series The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis) essentially played the same parts they had in the prior year's Ski Party, only said characters' names were swapped. Add in the opening Claymation title sequence done by Gumby creator Art Clokey and a title song done by none other than Diana Ross and the Supremes, and you can see why such a film has amassed a cult following over the years. (Though according to most people, the less said about the 1966 sequel Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs, the better.)

As for the bit with that particular novel, well...it came to me on the spot, how else could I explain it?

Oh and, one more thing...this won't be the last we'll hear of Dr. Goldfoot in this fic...