Thanks to Ally J. Horan for reviewing.

Sorry I didn't update for months. I've been working on this one chapter for literally months. And I and my friend x snow-pony x also started our joint account of Oneshots. If anyone is interested in reading those Tracy-Beaker-Returns Oneshots the account is called IHseries. Trigger warning since they all mention suicide.

December the 26th 2018

Leo POV

Well, if this was what my kids wanted for Christmas. Forever. Then I could just as well…

The notebook that Kara had been given for her birthday a few days ago was now lying on the bed I had had since we arrived here at Grey House. It was opened now and several pages I had torn out and it was like the letters were shining towards me.

…I wish it was dad who died and not mum…

…I wish dad wasn't here…

…I and Daniel could just take care of ourselves….

…I hate playing happy families….

It wasn't that I would usually read Kara's notebooks and paper sheets. She had millions of them anyway. But when everyone else were cleaning and I went into Daniel and Kara's room to check if he had some aftershave.

It had been lying on the bed. It was locked but the keys laid right next to it. And I knew that she had been writing in it. When I opened it I quickly spotted the word "dad"

She had been closer to her mum, yes she had. But to even wish that I would go away.

F* brat!

The storm was still roaring outside. And I had had enough of bending over backwards for these two.

Just as the clock passed six in the morning, I- having packed everything I needed in my backpack and leaving my daughter's notebook on the bed, I threw the backpack over one shoulder and then went downstairs. I had expected it to be empty, so when I found Cathy- or whatever her name was, sitting by her reception I jumped high.

"Sorry." She said calmly. "I didn't mean to scare you."

I packed up the dolphin I had been given (I was pretty sure I hadn't packed it but whatever!) and handed it to her, ready to go.

"Grace wanted you to keep this…."

Who on earth was Grace?

"I don't want to. Okay."

I didn't let wait for an answer and decided not to do anything unless she reminded me of it. So pulling my backpack on properly I walked back towards the door to the house. But keeping a hand on the door something made me stop and turn towards her who sat by the desk in the hallway with some papers.

Maybe I should have told her I wanted my children to be well. Would I see them again? Would they come after me?

I wasn't like my late wife. I wasn't made out to be a parent.

Come on. I tried to tell myself. Just do it. They don't want you anyway.

Cathy just had the way of looking at me that made me feel about how much she was judging me. Because she could see through all of me and all of my secrets.

Was it supposed to be a secret that I hated the both of my children? That I hadn't ever wanted someone like them anyway?

Because I was pretty certain what people would think about me after this.

At last I let go of the door, then walked outside and into the roaring storm.

Daniel POV

"Daniel? Come on. You have to wake up."

It didn't take me as long to wake up this time as it usually did. While my sister shook my shoulder and spoke- she sounded so worried and I could remember in what state she had been when she had finally fallen asleep had me stirring awake.

"What time is it?" I opened my eyes and slowly sat up. "What's wrong?"

I didn't like it when Kara had this tone in her voice. She sounded like she was worried about something yet I had never heard it sounding quite like it did this morning.

"I can't find dad. I went into his room to get something I forgot and he's not there."

"Maybe he's in the bathroom or having breakfast."

Kara just looked back at me. Did I really believe dad would be awake and having breakfast at this time of the day.

"Where is he then?"

For a few seconds Kara only looked back at me and I sat up. Then her face crumbled up before she buried her face in her hands and started sobbing.

"Oh Daniel…." She sobbed. "That notebook was missing all night. I think dad might have read what was in it because the lock is broken. And when I wrote in it I wrote some nasty, nasty things. That I wished mum was here and that I wished dad wasn't here to begin with. Now, why did I write such things? I must have hurt dad so badly."

Can you just imagine all the pain he has put you through Kara?

I didn't say what I thought. I knew my sister had way too much pressure on herself already, and the worst thing I could do was to make it even worse so with that thought only I got out of bed and went to the bathroom.

"Good morning you two." Just as I came out of the bathroom Cassie knocked on the door and then came into the room. She was holding a tray with a jug, two teacups and a plate with sandwiches on. "I thought you might want to spend your time together in here today."

At first I was going to say something about that tea wasn't going to help us here and now. But something kept me from talking while she put the tray onto the bedside table and handed us each of our cups. Cassie just had a feeling surrounding her, a knowledge about that she wanted to- and maybe mostly could help. And I wasn't going to stop her. And there was only one thing I found important to know.

"Have you seen our dad since last night?"

"Yes. He came out of bed only early this morning,"

For just a moment it seemed like Kara thought or was hoping for something. Whether dad was here or not he had showed once again that he wasn't going to let his children tell him, and no one else about how he was going to live his life. So, if alone was what he wanted to be…

And if dad, for once wanted to be up early in the morning!

"I don't understand." I just couldn't see how Kara could do anything to hurt anyone- dad or anyone else. "What was it that you wrote that you thought was so bad?"

Kara stopped snivelling and for a few seconds was all quiet. Then, almost whispering- as if that would make it less true she started explaining about how she had written about if she was always such a disappointment to dad, she hoped that he would just disappear. Since he obviously didn't want us anyway.

Meanwhile she kept looking at me in fear as if she was afraid I would be angry or something. But how could I? I knew she was right in everything she had written. And I knew that what Kara wrote- whatever she wrote was supposed to be her private thoughts. Dad had never had the right to read any of it.

"…and then, when we got up in the morning. I couldn't find the diary anywhere."

And all along there had been tears rolling down Kara's cheeks. She felt bad and I knew that. But at the same time, I couldn't blame her for her most private thoughts. I could blame dad for reading about them though.

"Do you think we should call the police?" She asked after a few minutes of silence. "Maybe. With this weather and everything, he just meant to take a walk but got lost?"

Out of everything? Dad? Taking a walk? '

But I'd have to answer even though it took me a while to find the words of how.

"…I…" I tried to find the right words. "…I think. As dad's an adult person. And if he really has left then he did without anyone having to force him… I don't think there would be a meeting with calling the police about him just yet. And everything we can do for now. I think is just stay put… and maybe, if he decides to come back. I think that by tomorrow morning he'll be back…"

My sister's eyes said it all.

"Well. If we'll have to call the police or something we'll do it then."

I looked through the window and to the storm still roaring outside. Suddenly to me it looked and sounded like it was worse than ever. And how it seemed to shut us off from the rest of the world.

Jason POV

What had been on all of these people's minds all day was how Mr. James had left his children- left this place, Grey House. Left… well. None of us knew where to or if he'd ever come back.

I spent my day along with Charlie. After all the time we had spent together, then split up. It didn't seem as if we ran out of things to talk about. And after all, I knew she was bothered by things with her own parents- things I wish I could protect her from.

"Brandon!"

When Cassie called the name I knew Charlie knew, I could see how Charlie froze. But then in came a guy dressed in police gear. Someone about my age that obviously belonged here and I realized there was someone else by that name and she relaxed again while he and Cassie went to talk to Kara and Daniel.

"Those poor kids."

Barely had I mumbled it when I knew Daniel and Kara weren't kids. Daniel was in his thirties anyway. And only looking at them two together, it was obvious that along with each other. They could make it through anything. But for a parent to just leave like that…

"At least they have each other." Charlie said, but I wasn't sure if she was talking to me or to herself. "But… he had a choice. And he just left.. It just can't be right."

Charlie seemed almost half asleep, we were in the living room and despite the roaring storm still roaring outside the whole house seemed weirdly quiet, around me while I tried to read a book but gave up after reading the same page fifteen times and still not getting it.

There was just too much spinning in my mind for me to add the reading too.

And the thought of how unfair this was, even to me and to Charlie kept on passing by. Even though I didn't want to be so selfish.

It was so unfair! I couldn't know who my biological parents more than they had just given me up. I didn't know any of the reasons they had had or who they were. Sometimes when I was little I would dream of a princess and a knight in a white horse- or maybe someone like Hagrid in Harry Potter. But those dreams had faded more and more as time went on. Especially as I grew up happily with the best parents and brother I could have ever asked for.

Then Philip got ill and later died…

And with how my parents acted, I always knew that them both, and myself wish that that would have been me instead.

By now I barely ever spoke to my parents. They sent me a birthday card in August, and every other year or so a Christmas card. But it wasn't like where I lived now could be where I lived forever. And I already had plans to move out so where would the cards end up then…

I hadn't said I was never going to contact my parents ever again. They had really been the best in so many ways possible.

Where I lived was about an hour away from Grey House. But after the whole mess when Alexa moved out with her son and new boyfriend and the whole divorce I needed to get away fom everything.

I only lived about an hour from Grey House, in this weather it would take me at least twice as long. Yet I couldn't imagine when I did leave it would be on my own and I knew who I wanted next to me. Because I never wanted to be without her again.

"It's like…" I flinched, when Charlie's voice reached through my thoughts. When I turned towards her I found her still in the same chair but wide awake and looking into the fireplace. "Whenever a parent… or really, whenever anyone has the chance to actually be there. They make a choice… and they turn into… well… a*holes right? But then…. Well…" She sighed deeply. "Only the good die young?"

There really was only one thing around this place that people thought about today, Because I just knew that I couldn't find a way to continue. And after a long while Charlie did herself.

"I don't mean I want anyone to die. Not Mr. James, not your parents… Not Brandon… only… Gah. Why can't I find the right words? It's only… well… Only the good die young—Mrs. James, Philip, my parents…. And they couldn't choose to be here with us even though they should have been able to."

She silent again and seemed to lean further into the big arm chair she sat in. She seemed so small and fragile and I knew I barely knew half….

Still there was something peaceful that I hadn't seen with Charlie where she sat right now. She had curled up in a big arm chair and wrapped herself in a soft, Christmas blanket that made her look so small.

And watching her breathing deeply as she fell back into half- sleeping mode. Still knowing I only knew a smidge of what she had been through- gave me the feeling that I needed to protect her with everything I had. In every way possible.

No way was anyone going to come past me and hurt me ever again!

I had never told anyone that while we were in school, Alexa had really every right for me not to make friends with Charlie. Being married then I hadn't wanted to admit it to anyone- least of all myself, that I had always felt more about Charlie than just another classmate. And maybe already back then, I knew that we were supposed to end up here today., Or at least that we were meant to find each other.

Or just that I hadn't meant to be with Alexa….

While the thoughts were spinning in my mind Charlie had woken up and obviously noticed me watching her. And when she sent me a raised eyebrow I didn't have the time to think of anything to say.

"What?"

"I… I just… I mean…. I was wondering…" I stopped stuttering for a couple of seconds but then just started over again. "I just…"

I just had a feeling that I would never want to let Charlie go from me ever again.

But looking towards the window, I could see and hear the storm still roaring. And I couldn't help it would continue for long so we would have no choice but stay here.

Remi POV

The boxing day evening we were all eating muffins, Cammie and Sarah had made them. And there were sandwiches and all kinds of things that Cassie had made. The book "How the grinch stole Christmas" laid on the side, but for almost two hours we ate and ate and ate.

"Grandpa? Can you read my book now?" Cammie asked, while I started feeling tired- I'd probably have to go to bed soon even though I didn't want to. "Just one last time for everyone. You don't even have to read the whole thing. Only some."

"Okay." Grandpa drank the last of his coffee. "I can do that but…" He felt on his collar and his pockets where he usually had them and then thought about it. "I forgot my glasses in my room." Cammie crawled into his lap and grandpa turned to me,. "Lying on the bedside table. But my old legs are so slow, can you run upstairs and get them?" He put on his best puppy-eyes. "Please Remi? I swear I'll get you another muffin if you do that without protesting."

I didn't protest, I grabbed my bunny, then jogged through the hallway and up the stairs where I went straight to grandpa's, nana and Elsa's room. I found grandpa's glasses right away. Just like he'd told me they were lying right on the bedside table.

Then, just as I took them I saw my phone lying right there. It was blinking, and just when I watched it it buzzed with a new message.

I looked up, this room was close to the stairs and I could hear voices from downstairs, muffled from the walls in between us. And I was certain I could hear grandpa's dark voice. So, making myself ready to put the phone back on the bedside table if I heard his heavy steps up the stairs and checked my phone. If I was right…

Oh yeah. It had Addison's name on the top.

The school day when you weren't there was the best day of the whole term….

I read, I was only six years old but I had learnt to read when I was two so I could already read too fast and I had never hated my way of reading as much as then.

…It would be better if you were the one who got sick, and not Taylor- people like her….

She sent so many messages.

It would be better if you died or just went up in thin smoke.

I had stopped trying to listen, and was only reading the terrible things she had written to me. Since the phone hadn't been used for long there was still batteries in it and the messages seemed to be shining up towards me.

Why aren't you answering any messages? Have I been hurting you too bad? Are you telling mummy about what I'm doing and saying to you. Because, you better not Ramona. You better not. I did tell you right? I did tell you I'd hurt you bad if you ever told anyone?"

"Where did you go Remi?" Grandpa suddenly came into the room, I had been so far concentrated on my phone I hadn't heard him coming and jumped high when he suddenly spoke. "Are you using that phone? Again" He was sounding quite annoyed. Now come on Remi. What do I have to do to get you away from it?" Before I had thought of anything to say grandpa grabbed the phone from me. And before he said anything more he was scrolling through it, scrolling through what Addison had written before I could stop him.

What would happen if grandpa agreed with her? If he showed nana or my parents?

"I'm sorry grandpa."

That was at last the only thing I could think of saying while grandpa scrolled and scrolled and scrolled on the phone,

Grandpa was wearing a frown, but was quiet while he kept on scrolling through my phone. I was so nervous I could hear my blood streaming in my ears. And all of a sudden I couldn't breathe at all.

"Grandpa? Please say something… Grandpa…." My voice was shaking more by the second. "Don't be angry please…" I couldn't stop the tears that came streaming down my cheeks. "Don't be angry. I'm sorry."

"Oh Remi." He laid the phone to the side at last, then lifted me up until I had my shoulders wrapped around his shoulders and my face pressed into his shirt, I couldn't help it. Addison had been so me. "I'm not mad! You've done nothing wrong… Why didn't you tell anyone? You should have told someone. Some adult. That's what we're here for."

"But Addison threatened she'd do something bad if I told anyone."

There was just no point with trying to lie anymore! And I felt it with all of me.

"And there was so much you had to worry about. Then Taylor was so sick, and mum was sick. And Elsa was born and she was so little and there was just so much to think about."

"Oh Ramona." Grandpa spoke my name, then I felt him kiss my head meanwhile he held me close and new tears came streaming down my cheeks. "If you just breathe. I can talk to you later. Okay?" I nodded, there was something in my throat that kept me from talking and I couldn't stop sobbing now.

Addison's bullying had started a bit when we started school in August, but when I was given a phone at my birthday in October it had gotten so much worse and so much harder to not tell anyone.

Cassie was suddenly there, she got the book that the others wanted read to them. Then she disappeared again, I could hear Taylor coughing and the others going to bed in nana and grandpa's room. I cried and cried and I cried.

Until, at last there were no more tears left. Grandpa had sat down since long, I had sat down next to me but held on as tight and cried and cried….

"Remi…." He said after a long while in silence after I finally stopped crying. "Have long have this been going on?" I shrugged. "How long?"

I just knew there was no point with lying anymore.

'It started a bit when we started school. But she started writing really bad things as soon as I got that phone for my birthday… And she said she'd hurt me, or Elsa or Cammie if I dared telling an adult about it."

By the time I had finished what I was saying my voice was almost completely broken again.

"I get why you didn't." Grandpa told me. "But you'll never have to worry that we have too much. If you're worrying about something… you can come wake us up in the middle of the night if there's something worrying…. You can come and talk to us any time you want. Then you're exactly as important as everyone else." I nodded. "Doesn't the teacher do anything about it?"

"No…. She never does anything when or where the teachers see."

"Well…. Now when I finally know I'll go have a talk with your teacher. Then I'll have a talk with this Addison…"

"No…." I could feel the tears rising in my eyes again. "That will only make it worse and she'll be really mean and she'll hurt Elsa and Cammie or she'll tell Taylor that I've done something bad or… or…. Or…"

I just didn't know what else she would do but I knew it would scare me….

"Ramona…" Grandpa was speaking in that way that adults do when they want you to really listen. "It's okay. You don't have to worry about those things anymore. I'll take care of it now. If that's what I'll have to do then I'll hide Elsa, Cammie and Taylor away where she can't find them…. And you too for that matter. Take you somewhere no one can hurt you." I nodded towards grandpa's shoulder- I was starting to become so tired. "Is there something else bothering you tonight?"

There was something that had been bothering everyone in this house all day. But I was….

I just didn't know….

What if…

"You know you can say anything to me? I can see there's something."

"Would mum or dad or you or nana ever do something like that?" I couldn't help but wonder even though I was afraid of the answer. "What Mr. James did? If I, or Elsa or Cammie or Taylor ever did something wrong would you just leave?" Grandpa stroke my cheek and then looked me sternly into the eyes.

"Never!"

Something in the way he said it made me believe it. And the silence around me… well, apart from the storm still roaring outside.

"I'm tired."

"I know." I snuggled closer to grandpa- he had had me in his arms for hours now. "It's time for you to rest now. I'll stay here while you fall asleep."

I couldn't help it, my eyelids were closing on their own. With a little help from grandpa I crawled down underneath my covers, he then spread them over me. But he sat on the edge of the bed, stroke my forehead with one hand. And took one of my hands with his big, warm hands.

"It's okay. I'll stay here until you fall asleep… And if you wake up… when you wake up, I'll be just next door."

It was almost like I couldn't understand what he was saying. The last things I heard while I drifted away were his soothing words and the storm still roaring outside.

Random fact

I worked on this chapter for literally months. But I worked on the pov's in opposite order. Remi's pov first, then Jason's, then Daniel's and now I finally finished Leo's. I hope someone out there liked it.