He'd said it before, but its repetitiveness didn't make it any less true.

Xin was odd.

He'd known that since the first night they met. No regular person would invite a bleeding stranger into their home to patch up a wound. They wouldn't giggle, albeit nervously, when someone pressed a gun against their forehead. She continued time and time again to cement his opinion of her and now…

Xin sat across from him in her pretty black dress, his sister's work, ignorant of his thoughts. He wasn't sure what he really expected from her, she proved time and time again to be rather blase about his lifestyle. He thought for sure that this particular topic, Rasa's downfall would be her breaking point.

After all, no matter the reason why, the fact still remained that he killed his own father. It was either Rasa or them and Gaara had chosen his siblings. Despite the fact that he never intentionally set out to kill his father, he still felt guilt over that tragic night.

Yes, Rasa was a terrible person and a shit father but he'd still been their father. He raised them, as best as he possibly could.

And Gaara shot him in the head.

"It must suck," Xin suddenly said, her lips quirking in amusement as their waiter set down their appetizers. She'd been fine with Gaara ordering for them, unwilling to sound like a country bumpkin trying to sort through the menu in front of their waiter. Her amusement stemmed from their appetizers, chicken fried lobster tails, something she never would've guessed .

"What must suck?" Gaara asked, noting in his own amusement as the waiter fumbled from Xin's smile.

She waited until the waiter left, though everyone in the restaurant probably knew of Gaara. "Having that burden of killing him. I mean, he sounds like a shit person but he was your father. He basically made you choose between him and your siblings. He's kind of…still torturing you now, yeah?"

Well, that was one way to rip the bandage off of one festering wound.

Yes, she was right but that was something he…never really spoke about with his siblings. The aftermath of Rasa's downfall was not something they regularly spoke about but it was something he thought of often. Would Rasa really kill his own children? Had Gaara been too hasty? Were his siblings afraid of him now that they knew what he was capable of?

It must have registered to her what she said because she blanched. "I'm sorry, that was really…cruel of me to just say. I don't know why I said that. Oh, Christ."

"It's…fine," Gaara said after a moment's pause. "I guess he still is torturing me, even in death. I probably deserve the shit."

"…For killing him..?" Xin cringed. This was a terrible conversation. "I mean, it's not like you woke up that morning and decided that you'd kill him. He was going to hurt you guys, or kill you."

"Doesn't matter whether I planned it or not, I still did it."

"This…" Xin struggled to form words. "This is a terrible conversation. I'm, uh, really sorry for making you talk about this. Seiko was right."

"About?"

"I thought this..odd patch in our friendship had more to do with me and the way I reacted to being drugged when it really didn't have much to do with me. Maybe I'm a narcissist."

That wasn't entirely true, his avoidance of her had begun with the night of her would be sexual assault but it had snowballed into something different by the time she called demanding answers. The way she'd reacted, her nonchalance to the situation was strange but it wouldn't cause him to avoid her.

"You think very negatively about yourself," Gaara said almost offhandedly. He was almost positive that she never said one good thing about herself since they met. Sometimes it was funny because she was genuinely a funny person but now he was just realizing she used humor as a sort of drape to throw over the negativity.

Xin blinked. "Do I?"

He nodded. "I don't think you've said one positive thing about yourself since I met you. Anytime someone says something positive about you, you ball your face up."

"I do?"

Did she really not realize? It was obvious that Xin disliked herself to some degree, hated herself even but did she really expect others to think so low of her?

That was just sad.

Gaara wondered for the umptenth time what had gone on in her life before coming to Tokyo that made her this way. It had to do with that ex of hers she mentioned every so often.

He wasn't so nice.

He openly stared at her. Xin was a pretty girl though her prettiness was different compared to, say, Temari's beauty. His sister's beauty was intimidating, it was the type of beauty that dissuaded anyone from approaching her. Temari's beauty attracted strong men to her.

Xin's beauty was different. Xin's beauty was cherubic and almost…fragile. He could see some asshole taking advantage of the fragility. He could see that asshole twisting and bending her until she broke. He could see it being turned against her. A man with little self confidence himself might turn on her, turning once positive notions about herself into flaws and insecurity.

Gaara swept his gaze over Xin, eyeing her bare arms and shoulders, her neck and even the tops of her breasts. He saw no scars but that didn't mean she didn't have any hidden somewhere.

He thought of her general wariness for people and how she always seemed ready for a confrontation.

He wasn't so nice.

Gaara felt his jaw clenching.

"Are you okay?" She was staring at him, wide eyed and body slowly leaning back. Away. Preparing for something, for a confrontation or an insult or—

Gaara relaxed his jaw, realizing how threatening he must have suddenly looked to her. He was an intimidating person even when his expression was relaxed, he could only imagine how intimidating he looked when he was struggling with his temper. She must have realized that even surrounded by a roomful of people, no one would save her if he suddenly lost his temper.

"I'm fine, just had a random thought. Wasn't…" he trailed off, staring over her shoulder and trying to reign in his fleeting temper. "Wasn't a pleasant thought but I'm fine."

She was still frowning but her body began to relax. It was at that moment that their food arrived, to their shared relief. It gave them the opportunity of silence for several moments as they began to eat. It was comfortable, the silence that fell over them and Gaara found that strange. He never felt quite this comfortable around anyone besides his inner circle.

"Would it be so bad?" Xin suddenly asked, staring down at her plate of lobster tails. "Being in love, I mean?"

He didn't immediately answer. He could still see the mania in his father's eyes as he brandished that gun at them. The mania had grown and grown until he couldn't control it. All because of Karura.

"Can't say, never been in love." He wanted to believe that he wouldn't spiral like Rasa but sometimes he had his doubts. His temper was something awful and any slight against what he considered his—whether it was his siblings or a friend or territory—was a death warrant. He could only imagine a slight against the woman he loved.

"Have you?" Gaara prompted when she didn't say anything in reply to his statement.

Xin pursed her lips before looking up at him, her expression achingly raw. "I thought I was, once upon a time."

"You thought?"

"Mm."

"What was it if not love?"

"I don't know, confusion?" She smiled but it was one of self-pity. "Naivety?"

"You were in love with the not so nice boyfriend."

She nodded. There was no use being squirrelly about it. She had already alluded to him and said out of her mouth that he wasn't nice. "Love can make you do terrible things," she said cryptically. "I guess it'd be unfair to say what you would or wouldn't do for the women you love."

He didn't love Xin but he'd already done terrible things for her. Things she didn't know about. He would do more terrible things, no doubt. He'd already come to terms with it.

Gaara shrugged. "Suppose so."

"Well, tell your brother that he has nothing to worry about," Xin said. Her smile lost its somber tint and became more genuine. "I know we're just friends, strange as it may be." She reached across the table and gently touched his hand.

Just friends. That stung for reasons unknown to him. Of course, if he was being really honest with himself, he knew good and well why it stung.

Gaara ordered more sake.

She'd drunk too much. Or maybe her tolerance for alcohol was shit. She'd drank her wine, two glasses of it and shared several cups of sake with Gaara before he decided she was quite done. Maybe the alcohol level was just too high for her. She was used to drinking watered down beer whenever Kazuya thought it appropriate. Now she was drinking top dollar shit.

"Up." Gaara leaned into the car and gathered her up, setting her down on shaky feet. She wobbled precariously and he cursed his sister for putting Xin in heels again. He wrapped an arm around her and half-carried, half-walked her to her front door.

When she managed to unlock the door—impressive given her eyes were barely open, he carried her inside. He was suffering from deja vu, carrying her into her bedroom to help her get ready for bed.

She rolled onto her stomach just as he came back with the makeup wipes. "Can you please unlace the corset?" she asked into her pillow, no doubt smudging makeup all over it.

He stared down at her, confused. This was…terribly intimate especially given the fact that they just established that they were friends.

But Gaara leaned over and carefully undid the laces to her corset, watching as she took a grateful and deep breath. She rolled back over and smiled sloppily at him. "Thanks."

He grunted and quickly wiped her face, getting rid of her now smudged makeup. She reached for something on her bed, a large sleepshirt and pulled it right on top of her dress. He watched in mild amusement and a bit of confusion as she struggled to slip out of the dress without slipping out of her shirt.

She managed without his help, thank fuck for that and plopped back down with a loud sigh. She rolled further into the bed, settling close to the wall.

"I'm going to leave since you're settled," Gaara decided now would be a good time to get the hell out of there. She was still sober enough that she wouldn't vomit in her sleep and choke on it.

But Xin, the drunken little idiot that she was, reached out and caught him by the arm. "Wait, don't leave yet. Stay a little while." She tugged hard on his arm, as if trying to pull him into the bed.

"Xin."

"I just…I just want to spend some time with you," she admitted, her eyes only glazed a little. "Just…stay a little while and talk to me. Just until I fall asleep."

It was a bad idea, he was fully aware as he slowly sat on the edge of the bed. They were friends, just friends and that's all they would be. It was all either of them could handle.

"This mattress feels like a fuckin' brick," Gaara said after a moment's pause. She snorted in the dark, her snorts turning into cackles as she managed to tell him to shut the fuck up. "What do you want to talk about?"

Her face was horrendously red but he couldn't see as much in the dark. She took a couple minutes to get her cackling under control, taking several deep breaths. "Um, I don't know, how about your mom? Tell me about Karura."

So he did.

"There you are," Temari said by way of greeting. She glanced at the clock, it was later than she thought. "I thought you'd be back awhile ago."

"Xin made me sleep with her."

Jura promptly began to choke. Kankuro nearly threw himself out of the chair trying to turn around. Temari was staring wide-eyed at him and it was at that moment he realized how misleading he sounded to them.

Kankuro and Jura began speaking at once, "She made you sleep with her?"

"She had to make you sleep with her?"

Gaara eyed Jura, bemused and somewhat a little annoyed with the question. It was Kankuro, still looking every bit disgusted, who turned to Jura. "Why do you sound shocked that she'd have to make him?"

Jura snorted. "Listen, I know you have this weird ass vendetta against her but have you seen her?"

"Yeah? And?"

"Be for real, Kankuro. Have you looked at her?" Jura pressed. "I mean, pretty face aside, have you seen her tits?"

Temari made a strange noise in her throat.

"Sorry, Mar."

She cleared her throat. "S'fine. She does have nice tits. They look even nicer without a shirt on," she said it with a grin, watching as all three of their eyes widened at the same time. She was smug about the revelation that she'd seen Xin sans a shirt but then her mood soured almost immediately.

She thought of the ruined ring of skin burned into the back of Xin's neck. He'd done it with one of the old car lighters, the kind they didn't even make anymore.

"That's why it's shaped so perfectly."

She was no stranger to torture, to bodily harm—her little brother was the head of a crime syndicate, an infamous one. She'd seen some shit, unfortunately. But she thought of Xin, even younger than she was now, being held down by someone who was supposed to love her and being burned by hot metal.

All because Xin dared to wear a bikini and maybe one of their friends stared too long at her breasts.

Guilt roiled dreadfully in her stomach. Xin trusted her, confided in her because she felt safe enough to tell her even just a smidge of the abuse she suffered and here she was talking to three sex-driven men about Xin's breasts.

She thought about that scar she'd seen by mistake, the one hidden under her bangs that ran from under her ear all the way up to her forehead.

"Don't tell her I said that," Temari suddenly said, her tone bordering snappish. "Don't tell her we were talking about her breasts."

Her sudden shift in tone did not go unnoticed by the other occupants in the room. They each regarded her with different degrees of confusion but she elaborated no further.

"Why the fuck would I tell that woman we were talking about her chest?" Kankuro rolled his eyes and then turned to Gaara. "We're getting off track here, you slept with that nuisance?"

Gaara finally sat down, sinking into the comfortable chair. He didn't understand how Xin could sleep on that brick of a mattress. He wasn't sure what was worse, her brick ass mattress or the lumpy couch. "Is it really that shocking? Nice tits aside—" he ignored Temari's scathing look. "She is pretty."

"Is that all it takes to get you in bed? A pretty face?" Kankuro asked instead of answering.

Gaara shrugged, knowing full well how Kankuro felt about this subject. "It has before."

Temari sucked her teeth, impatient. "Did you sleep with Xin or not?"

He snorted and rolled his eyes into her direction. "You know damn well that woman would rather peel herself out of her skin than to sleep with me. No, she wanted me to stick around until she fell asleep. She was tipsy."

Temari made a face but said nothing more. It was Jura who spoke up next. "You told her about Rasa?"

"Yes."

"What'd she say?"

"Oh."

"Oh? She said 'Oh'?"

"Verbatim."

"What the fuck is wrong with that girl?"

Temari let out a loud sigh. "Kankuro, give it a rest. What do you even want from her? You think she's some thieving seductress, accuse her of being one even though she can barely flirt worth a damn and now you're mad she isn't shitting bricks over a necessary murder."

Gaara grimaced. Necessary, maybe but he didn't like talking about it. Xin was right to believe that Rasa was still haunting him from beyond the grave. He might have lost his shit but it didn't change the fact that he murdered his own father.

He'd taken Karura's husband and Temari and Kankuro's father from them. There was never coming back from having a hole blown into his head. They'd never know if Rasa could come down from his mania and get his mind right again—Gaara made sure of that.

And Xin, more or less, shrugged it off. Not because she wasn't afraid of him but because she was afraid of everyone. Everyone around her could possibly harm her just because they felt like it. Because they could do it. That was the trauma of it all, not knowing when someone would turn on her.

It didn't sit right with him but he couldn't make her feel anything else but apprehension. The only thing he could do was try to prove that he was a safe point for her, which was ironic given his background.

"I'm just looking out for him," Kankuro said almost petulantly. "I love Mom but we've seen what loving her did to Rasa."

Temari sucked her teeth. "That isn't fair. Rasa was already a terrible person, don't use Mom as an excuse."

"He only lost his shit because someone shot Mom instead of him."

"Someone shot her, is it really so hard to believe someone might lose their shit when something like that happens? And anyways, it doesn't mean Gaara will be the same."

"I'm just saying we should be careful with her. She's not used to our lifestyle and we're practically spoiling her. She might like it and want more. She might want it all."

Both Gaara and Temari had a hard time believing that. Not only would Xin have to be a seductress—and she clearly was not—she'd have to be far more clever than the four of them combined. Now, maybe she could outsmart Jura because, well, he was sort of a dumbass but there was no way she was outsmarting Gaara, Temari and Kankuro.

"The only thing that has ever impressed that girl was my bed," Temaril rolled her eyes. "Everything else clearly makes her uncomfortable. Is it so hard to believe that someone might just want to be friends?"

In a way, Temari quietly believed that Xin's presence in their lives was actually necessary. She was a normal person and they needed some of that. Her aversion to their wealth was actually nice, it was nice to know that despite Kankuro's insistence, she would never use any of them for their wealth or connections.

Kankuro eyed Gaara. "You really think she's not up to anything shiesty?"

Gaara snorted. "I really think she's innocent."

With a great big sigh, Kankuro gave in. "Fine, fine. I'll let up on the twerp but if she ever pulls anything shiesty, I'm gonna immediately say I told you so!"

Gaara slumped into his chair. "Whatever makes you happy." He paused for a moment and glanced at Jura before chucking a stapler at him. It hit the brunet burly square in the forehead.

"And stop looking at her fuckin' tits."

"I made him sleep with me."

Seiko blanched and promptly began choking on her tea. "I beg your pardon?" she gasped.

It was only after watching that spectacle that Xin realized what her sentence implied. "No," she flushed terribly. "Not like that, Jesus Christ. He's not interested in me like that! I got drunk and he helped me into bed." Her explanation wasn't doing her any favors. Xin sighed. "I missed him and I was drunk so I asked him to stay with me until I fell asleep."

Seiko tried to gather herself, wiping her mouth. "So no sex?"

Xin made a face. "Course not."

"Have you ever thought about it?"

Xin blinked and looked at Seiko as if she'd grown another head out of her neck. "Why would I?"

There was a spark of amusement in Seiko's eyes. "Sometimes it happens in friendships. I guess not in this particular one?"

"No," Xin said resolutely. "I think I would really appreciate a genuine friendship and anything further than that…" she trailed off, lost in her own thoughts for a second.

Whatever she was remembering, Seiko could tell they weren't fond memories. She remembered Xin claiming that she had no soul and therefore no soulmate. Seiko wondered what could have possibly gone on in Xin's life that would leave her with such a dour mindset but she didn't question her any further about it. If she wanted to discuss that part of her life with Seiko, Xin would have to decide that.

"Do you ever think you might change your mind? About dating someone or falling in love?" Seiko carefully pressed.

"Not really," Xin's answer was immediate. There was a twist to her mouth, something that looked like self-loathing and regret. Maybe she wouldn't change her mind but that didn't mean she hadn't thought of it. Maybe it was the hopeless romantic in her but Seiko refused to believe there isn't someone out there for Xin. Someone who would treat her right.

"How's your girlfriend?" Xin suddenly asked in a clear bid to change the subject. Seiko frowned at that but relented, nodding as if to tell Xin that she got what she was putting down. Maybe once Xin had the chance to heal from whatever was hurting her, they could revisit the subject. Maybe she would be ready to talk about her past and whatever went wrong.

Seiko accepted the change in topic, gushing about her girlfriend. "Oh, but you know, we were supposed to go out Friday night but she picked up a shift. She just started this new job of hers not too long ago." Seiko idly tapped at her keyboard, her disappointment evident. "We were going to karaoke but maybe next time."

Xin pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Maybe…we could go karaoking?" She'd never gone karaoking, which at this point wasn't much of a surprise to anyone but she'd seen them in enough manga and anime and they always seemed fun. She realized, almost pleasantly, that she actually wanted to go. Not just karaoking but with Seiko. She wanted to hang out with Seiko outside of work, she didn't want to run into her on the streets or just have lunch together. Xin genuinely wanted to hang out with Seiko.

Seiko paused, blinking quietly. She turned to look at Xin and frowned. "I wasn't trying to guilt you into going or anything, Xin. You don't have to do that if you don't want to."

Xin frowned. "But I do want to."

"Really?"

Xin nodded, a little embarrassed. She was angry with herself too. Seiko had been nothing but nice to her and accommodated all of her strange feelings when it came to developing a friendship. She'd been patient and understanding and so kind and all Xin had been was just strange. Strange because she believed no one wanted to be her actual friend without wanting something more from her.

But what else could Seiko want from her? What did she even have to give at this point anyway? Perhaps she could understand Kankuro's wariness. He'd resisted the friendship between Gaara and her because he believed Xin would want something more from Gaara, something she might have to cut out of him. Kankuro had been trying to protect his brother, the same way she'd been trying to protect herself.

Whether she would admit such a thing to Kankuro was to be seen, she had a feeling he'd be rather smug about it.

"It sounds fun," Xin said after a moment. "If you don't mind going with me instead of your girlfriend, I would love to go. I"ve never done that before."

Temari was right. The walls around her had been built too high and she…she was tired. She was tired of being alone, of being paranoid, of never trusting anyone not to do her wrong.

She wanted to believe that people were kind just because. She wanted to be friends with Seiko, actually friends and not just work friends. She wanted to spend time with Temari and Jura and even Kankuro.

She wanted…well, honestly she wasn't completely sure what she wanted from Gaara. She wanted him around, wanted to be around him, that much she knew and maybe that's all she needed to know.

It would be hard because her knee-jerk reaction to everything was to stop it in its tracks, to hide herself away and never let anyone in. It was nice, in the beginning but she'd grown lonely these past couple months. Xin needed people. She needed friends, she needed companionship.

She needed to trust.

She wanted to trust.

Seiko practically bounced in her seat. "I'd love for you to come! It'll be so much fun, I promise!" Her eyes were bright with excitement.

Xin felt good and with a smile, she sat back in her chair. "I can't wait."

In all the manga and anime she watched, karaoking tended to have a large group participating. It was just the two of them that Friday night but Xin was positive that they were enough. They'd gone right after work, not even bothering to change out of their uniforms. They weren't the only ones with the idea and Xin watched in awe as all types of different people, teenagers and college students and adults filtered in and out.

Seiko couldn't sing for shit but that didn't stop her from belting out the lyrics with enough gusto to suit four people. Xin wasn't much of a singer but she had great breath control, another feat borne of trauma but she didn't tell Seiko as much. It was easy enough not to think about that part of her life anyway.

It was the most fun she'd had in a long time, it was an easy kind of fun. The sort of fun that she didn't have to overthink, overanalyze and feel guilty about later on. It was the sort of fun she once had with her sisters.

Seiko and Xin sang and danced terribly late into the night, they were both disappointed when they realized it would be wise to call it quits. They'd had so much fun that they were reluctant to end that night then and there. Instead of going their seperate ways, the two of them found a convenient store that was still opened and loaded up on snacks.

"Did you like it?" Seiko asked after several slurps of ramen.

"I did," Xin grinned around a mouthful of ramen. She was used to eating cheap noodles but for some reason she couldn't explain, her cup noodles tasted better than ever. "Thanks for doing this with me. Sorry your girlfriend had to work." She loudly slurped her own noodles. "Where does she work?"

"She's a bartender, she works at a popular club," Seiko answered.

Xin wrinkled her nose. "I think I've had enough of to clubs."

Seiko nodded sagely. "I don't blame you. I've never liked clubs much but sometimes I go to support her."

They sat there for another hour or two, talking about whatever came to mind. Seiko spoke of her parents, who loved her but didn't know how to handle her sexuality at first. Xin spoke of her parents too and how she disappointed them at every turn she'd made in life.

Some might say it was a rather boring Friday for two twenty-somethings and maybe it was but Xin savored every moment. She hadn't felt so…normal in such a long time, she almost felt guilty about it. Not for the first time, she longed for the company of her sister. Seiko just reminded her so much.

She still hadn't called Hinata.

She missed her sister, someone she considered as the other half of her soul. She feared what Hinata might think if she ever told her why she really left, more than she feared her parents finding out. It wouldn't shock her parents, they were always ready for her to fuck her life up. But Hinata had always been kind, supportive and understanding. If Hinata knew the truth, why she ran, it would make her feel even less of a person than she already was. Hinata always believed better for her and she feared that now everything would solidify why she'd been wrong and their parents right.

She thought of Temari and her easy kindness and understanding and wondered if her sentiments had been genuine. It's not like she wanted to doubt Temari's genuineness but she often found she couldn't help it. She didn't believe anyone's word anymore and she hated herself for it. She hated Kazuya too but she hated herself more.

She didn't feel close enough to tell Seiko about her past, not quite but she knew she eventually would. She knew that in her heart, she had made a good decision by opening herself up to Seiko.

Oh yes, this was the best ramen she'd had in a long time.