Evelyn was taking a huge step forward towards her healing, and she was trying to remind herself of that, despite how scared she was.
As she sat in her psychiatrists waiting room for the first time in almost four months, she felt the nerves begin to bubble up in her throat.
Actually, why was she making such a stupid move? Just because a guy that she met all of a month ago had somehow convinced her to do so?
Well, yes.
There was no denying that Clark had made such a significant impact onto her life, one that she didn't see coming at all, but that she also didn't want to shy away from. He'd text her a couple of times since their date a few days ago, and when Martha eagerly asked how it went the next day, all Evelyn could do was giggle like a little teenager as her cheeks flushed bright red.
That was all Martha needed to know, just blissfully happy to see Evelyn take a massive step forward.
But admittedly, whilst Martha was over the moon for Evelyn, she was increasingly concerned for her son. He hadn't spoken to her about how he was feeling, which concerned him considerably. So whilst Evelyn spent her day off at the therapist office, Clark went to visit his extremely concerned mother in her home. "Hi sweetie," Martha beamed as soon as she opened her front door.
"Hey Mom," Clark smiled back. He gave her a huge hug before kissing her cheek and stepping into her home, kicking off his shoes so he didn't stain her newly laid cream carpet - as always. She lived close to the cafe, right at the edge of the city too, so it was a lot quieter and calmer than most areas on offer.
He loved visiting her for that reason alone.
Clark stepped through into her open plan kitchen, noticing his mother's homemade lemonade that had already been propped on the kitchen island beside a plate of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. "Homemade lemonade and your chewy choco-cookies? Oh, things are about to get deep," he joked lightly. Martha laughed as she grabbed him a glass and filled it with ice so that she could pour him a glass.
"I mean, we haven't caught up in a while honey," she stated simply, "I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay - you know, ever since that Daily Planet job, you never come to see your ol' mama anymore." Clark sighed and hopped onto the kitchen stool, leaning his head on his fist in thought.
"No you're right, I'm sorry, Ma. I'll try and come to see you more," he promised. "So…what did you wanna catch up about?" he asked, his tone riddled with guilt.
"Oh, well you know…work and stuff?" Martha suggested simply.
"Ah. Well, work is going okay I guess," Clark began with a sigh - before Martha suddenly interrupted him with an incredibly abrupt,
"So you're officially seeing Evelyn?"
Clark choked on his sip of lemonade and slammed his hand onto his chest in surprise, as Martha's eyes continued the focus intensely on his.
"Woah," he spluttered, grabbing a napkin to wipe his mouth. "Ma-"
"Clark, I saw how she was after your little funfair date together. The girl is completely smitten, head over heels for you - and let me tell you, for the months I've known her, Evelyn hasn't shown this much emotion in pretty much anything in the history of the world, ever," Martha grinned excitedly.
But worryingly, instead of mirroring her excitement, Clark simply grimaced and shook his head, making Martha's heart drop.
"No," she groaned, smothering her face with her hands.
"What?" Clark frowned confusedly.
"Please don't tell me you don't feel the same way?" Martha whimpered, her hands hooked around the back of her head and her shoulders scrunched up with tension pulsating through her.
Clark's eyes widened.
"No I do! I do like her back, of course I do," he told her mother hurriedly, watching the smile of relief fade back onto her face again. "I mean she's great. Beautiful, funny, she's got a sweet heart, she's strong…I just…"
"You just…?" Martha trailed off, mirroring her son's anxiety.
"She doesn't know me, not really. And because of who I am, and because of what she's been through…she never, ever can," Clark stated simply. "And that…that's not good, Ma."
…
"Evelyn Romero?" came the bright voice of her psychiatrist, Dr Rue. She was a slightly older lady with such an eccentric disposition - somehow, even through all Metropolis' misery, she still wore bright funky colours and had an aura around her that drew everybody in within seconds.
Her eyes lit up as Evelyn quickly stood up from the waiting room chairs and approached her door. "Hi Evelyn, a pleasure to see you again!" Dr Rue beamed, holding her hand out to shake it.
"Hi Doc," Evelyn smiled back nervously. "Good to see you too!"
"Come in, come in, make yourself at home - I trust that you remember the drill," Dr Rue ushered her through to her comfortable little office, with Evelyn doing just that. She immediately went to go and sit on the closest sofa, her knees drawn to her chest and her chin resting on them comfortably. Dr Rue shut the door behind her and sat opposite her. "So…it's been a little while!" she began with a slow nod.
"It has, I'm sorry," Evelyn winced, ducking her head in shame. "I've fond it pretty difficult to keep up with doing something that I am, frankly, terrified of."
"You're still terrified of therapy?" Dr Rue frowned slightly. "I didn't think you did too badly in our last session!"
"Well no - I'm terrified of opening up about this situation. You know how it goes," Evelyn sighed, chewing on her lip.
"I do, I get it. But…what changed in your life? Why are you back? Is everything okay outside the ordinary things that aren't okay?" Dr Rue continued to push, cocking her head to the side in thought.
Evelyn held her breath before speaking.
"I…kinda met someone."
"You- you MET SOMEONE?" Dr Rue gasped, her eyes twinkling with joy. She leaned back in her chair dramatically, all professionalism completely evaporating out of her body for a split second. "Evelyn, you are absolutely not the same woman I was speaking to two months ago!"
"I know," Evelyn blushed back, covering her face in mild embarrassment.
"Which means this person must be pretty special. So," Dr Rue hummed, leaning her head to the side and sitting forward again, clearly eager to hear it all. "Tell me all about them!"
…
Clark sat there chewing on the inside of his cheek as Martha sat opposite him on another kitchen island stool, tapping her fingers on the wooden surface in thought. "Clark, I totally understand the concern, but she might be better at handling this all than you thought," Martha was the first to speak, suddenly gaining her son's attention again.
"I don't even wanna take that risk," Clark muttered guiltily, dropping his gaze. "You didn't see the panic attack that she had the other night. It wasn't like the first one we saw at the cafe. It was sad, it was scary. I couldn't even look her in the eye properly, but that was because she couldn't even open her eyes to look at me."
"Oh god…" Martha muttered, her face going pale. "Do you know what set it off this time?" Clark shook his head hollowly and ran his fingers through his hair.
"We were sat in a Photo Booth at the fundraising fair," he began slowly, "and we were about to take pictures together, then she just…she flipped out. One minute she was making jokes, and the next minute she literally couldn't breathe. I managed to calm her down after a couple of minutes but…it took so long, Mom."
"Wow. How…how did you end up calming her down in the end?" Martha decided to ask instead, dragging the conversation down a different avenue.
"I had to bend down in front of her and literally hold her head still until she could look me in my eyes," Clark muttered. "Which she did, eventually. But for a while it was as if she couldn't even bear it. As if my eyes were hell to her-"
…
"He has the most beautiful eyes I have literally ever seen," Evelyn started off with a small adoring smile, leading Dr Rue's eyebrows to shoot up in surprise. "I could literally stare into them all day-"
"Evelyn, out of everywhere for you to start, I didn't expect for it to be there," Dr Rue couldn't help but laugh lightly. Evelyn winced and tucked a loose strand of har behind her ear.
"Sorry, I should be a bit more generic before going into the specifics. Okay, so he's the son of my boss-"
"Your boss?"
"Yup."
"I'm sorry- you got a new job?" Dr Rue blinked.
"Oh, yeah! Been there for a little while now," Evelyn waved her off breezily. "And she really is the best boss ever. She took me in immediately, didn't challenge me too much, and ended up introducing me to her gorgeous son who also, to my surprise, took a chance on me. He works as a journalist for the Daily Planet and he's super handsome and so caring and patient and so handsome-"
"Oh my," Dr Rue hummed to herself.
"And I've had two panic attacks right in front of him," Evelyn finished off, sitting back in the sofa gain.
"Two?" Dr Rue asked, the smile immediately faltering from her face. "Oh Evelyn - let's unpack that and come back to your dream man after-"
"No but that's just it Doc, he helped take me out of them," Evelyn breathed in surprise. "Well, one of them. The other one, his mom kinda saw me through and sent me home from work, but that was because it was his first time and he didn't know what to do."
But it was clear that this news still wasn't completely reassuring to Dr Rue.
"So…what triggered them?" she asked worriedly.
"Well, the first one was because of basic conversation regarding The Incident. It was one that I actually…kinda…initiated unprovoked, because I thought I could handle it. And I don't remember too much about how it went, but I do remember ending up on my sofa that same night, on the phone to my boss who was checking in on me. It was kinda weird," Evelyn recalled the memory with a frown.
"I see. And the second one?" Dr Rue blinked. Evelyn shuffled in her sear a little more.
"I…could see the laser eyes," she muttered quietly. "I looked into the camera lens of a Photo Booth on a date with him, and the red dot looked like the laser eyes that I saw on that day. I was so, so scared-"
…
"She was so scared," Clark muttered to himself, nibbling on his bottom lip and wringing his hands together at the thought.
"But…you calmed her down, you said?" Martha continued to nod.
"Eventually, y-yeah," Clark sighed. He shook his head helplessly and looked back up at his mother again. "I would do anything to keep her safe. I know it's early days and I haven't known her for that long but…she feels so special to me already. And if she found out that I'm the reason why she can't be around loud noises or she feels triggered by certain things, I don't know how I'd be able to handle that in good faith without saying…'let's just leave it there' for her own sake, you know?"
"I get it Clark, I do - but I also think you're jumping too far right now," Martha frowned, reaching out for his hand in comfort. "She's such a beautiful girl in more than one sense, and what you're building together is gorgeous and so sweet and so pure, I'm not trying to deny that - but it's still so early! You don't even know if she wants to work towards anything secure right now. She's just come out of The Incident, she's building back up everything she lost - including her social skills for goodness sake. If you work on each other as Clark and Evelyn instead of Superman and The Incident Victim, you can chop that part of your life completely, until you're ready to tell her who you are as a boyfriend who loves her rather than a guy she's casually seeing and doesn't know much about yet."
Clark let out a huff of air through his nose. His mother made an excellent point, but there was still something that wasn't sitting right in his stomach.
"So…what, you think I should continue to hide it from her for now?" he winced with a half open eye, almost bracing himself for the answer.
…
"I just don't wanna hide that part of my life away anymore, least of all from him," Evelyn explained to Dr Rue honestly. "I know it's happened and there's nothing I can do. It's such a huge part of me so…getting to know him should see me being truthful in all aspects of my life, right?"
"Evelyn, you suffer from PTSD. That means it's not going to be as easy as just telling him what happened - although I do think it's a great idea if you see things going far with this guy," Dr Rue considered, whacking open her notepad and scribbling a few notes down. "Hm. How are your other symptoms going?"
"I…uh. Pretty well, I guess?"
"We know you have the triggered panic attacks and flashbacks - do you still have nightmares?" Dr Rue asked.
"Yeah, sometimes," Evelyn sniffed.
"Still avoiding walking through the heart of the city?" Dr Rue guessed lightly with a risen brow.
"Yup," Evelyn answered awkwardly.
"Are you still hyper-vigilant to noises?" Dr Rue continued.
"Not really, actually. I don't jump as much anymore," Evelyn suddenly realised, her eyes lighting up slightly. "You were right, adopting Bruce helped me re-adjust to that kinda stuff cos he runs up and down all the damn time, so now I'm used to background noise happening around me."
"Excellent," Dr Rue nodded proudly. "That really is amazing news. And your mother and sister?"
"Alana is still in a coma. Mom is…we…well, let's just say I don't speak to her much anymore," Evelyn mumbled.
"Mhm. We know that's also a longstanding result of your trauma too, right? Have we thought any further about bringing her here so that we can have an open emotion-based feelings and empathy discussion?" Dr Rue asked curiously.
"Nope."
"Right then. And…are you seeing and spending time with Lois more often, like we spoke about?"
"Yup, still as close as ever. Honestly, socially I feel great. I mean, sometimes like being alone but it's nowhere near as bad as it was," Evelyn shrugged, shooting Dr Rue a genuine nod. "I just…don't feel altogether there mentally and physically. Which, now that I say it, probably means that I won't be ready for a romantic relationship, right?"
"Actually, no. I'm comparing your previous notes as we speak and you're so much more advanced to where you last were. I'm so proud of you, Evelyn, because a lot of this progress you've made without me," Dr Rue chuckled with a shrug, shutting her notepad again and popping it on the table beside him. "How does this wonder-man respond to your needs?"
"Well, it's early days but so far he's been so patient with me, and really caring. I feel secure with him. Safe," Evelyn listed off in thought. "He said on our date that we can focus on a Superman-free conversation evening, which I appreciated. And he asked how he can best support me when having panic attacks and stuff - it was him that encouraged me to come back to you in the first place."
"Wow. Then Evelyn…I think you owe it to yourself to at least attempt to see where it goes as a step towards your healing. He sounds good for you and you sound so much more secure even talking about it," Dr Rue acknowledged, much to Evelyn's surprise. "But one thing I'd encourage you not to do is fill the void you have created post-incident with this man. He's not there to plug a hole - you have to plug that yourself. You don't want to put so much pressure onto this that it just breaks. This is a completely different sector of your life that you need to look into and treat with care, okay? And I need to see you regularly from now on, please, so we can keep this line of communications open!"
"Book new appointments and treat the wonder boy with care," Evelyn smirked, gaining a wink back from Dr Rue, "got it."
…
"You have to treat this situation with care, Clark," Martha insisted, not liking the direction that the conversation seemed to be going down all of a sudden. She could sense a shift in Clark's response. "That's all I'm saying. Don't put too much into this too fast, neither one of you deserve this pressure. You both deserve something gentle and pleasant, and that you can fall into rather than mould to be a certain way."
"I know, I know," Clark agreed fairly. "And I won't. I…okay look, Mom, you're always honest with me, right?"
"I am."
"And you'd never let me go into something that would no doubt hurt me in the long run?" Clark continued hesitantly.
"I really try not to, no."
"With that in mind - do you not think it's best I drop this entire thing before it gets this complex? To save her from the hurt?"
"No. It's not fair you do a damn thing without her having the chance to decide what she wants as well, Clark," Martha scoffed, swatting her tea towel at him, making him chuckle and duck. "Trust her to be strong enough to make her own choice here, whether you reveal yourself as Superman or not. Take this one step at a time but make sure you keep her in mind, always. Do not try to save what isn't yet in crisis, Kent."
Clark smirked to himself and nodded, making Martha smile too.
"Thanks Mom, you're right. I'll go and see her tonight and see where her head's at. I just wish I could make this easier for her…for both of us, you know?" he hummed.
"I know. And you will. If it's meant to be, it will be," Martha reminded him gently. "And if it's not - you'll find someone else, I promise. But between you and I, I don't think it'll even get to that stage. I really think she's special, Clark. I think…I think she's incredible."