Sunday, November 10, 1990

Our Lady of Angels Church
Brooklyn, New York

The sole violinist set the sheet music on the stand. He lifted his head and looked all around. He was worried. There were so many flowers. Too many flowers. If his allergies acted up, he might sneeze. Or worse yet, his watery eyes might make it so he could not see the notes. But he knew this song like the back of his hand. Teary-eyed or not, everything would be fine. And besides, the place looked beautiful. He glanced over at the elderly woman seated patiently at the organ and nodded his head. He then tucked his polished wooden instrument under his chin and gently touched the bow to the strings.

The music that filled the church was Pachelbel's Canon in D Major. It played softly in the background while the father-of-the-bride walked his daughter up to the altar, where she took the hand of her soon-to-be husband. All eyes in the church were on them... except those of one particular groomsman... the short one on the end with the bald head, dark mustache and strong, muscular build. He stood there with his thick arms crossed over his chest, looking more like a bouncer than an usher. His shifty eyes moved back-and-forth over the rows of cheerful guests until he centered his attention on a beautiful, buxom redhead, standing just behind the bride's most elegant and stately grandmother.

He watched this woman intently until the music stopped and the guests took their seats. He didn't take his eyes off of her. Not once. It was as if he knew her, or wanted to know her. Then suddenly, she looked up at him... gave him a wink and a smug, satisfied smile. It was a mission accomplished kind of smile. Turns out, he knew her alright.

The redhead leaned toward the plump, pimple-faced teenaged boy sitting next to her and whispered something in his ear. The boy blushed as he stood up and made just enough room for her to get by. She squeezed past him, her ample bosom passing just under his widely excited and curious eyes.

She sauntered down the center aisle and disappeared, only to return ten minutes later. The boy, all too eager to steal a second quick peek down her low-cut blouse, stood up and put out a welcoming, albeit sweaty hand. This time she rolled her eyes and gave the teenager a pathetic look. Then she made a point to cover her cleavage with her purse as she scooted by. Once back in her seat, she looked up at the groomsman again. He mouthed the words, "Is everything okay?"

Yes, she nodded ever so subtly. Everything was okay.

Monday Morning – Addison/Hayes Residence

'Yo Maddie? Babe, are you comin'?' David had finished getting ready and was already waiting for her by the door with his black leather jacket in hand.

It was dress-down Friday at the place where he worked and he took full advantage. Wearing a white T-shirt, blue jeans, and his favorite high-top sneakers, David looked too cool for school. The words printed on the front of his shirt said simply, WATCH ME. Whatever that meant, he didn't know. He only wore it because he simply got a kick out of the staff looking at him and wondering... Watch you what? He always did enjoy being the center of attention.

'Just a minute, David! I'm almost ready,' she called out from the bedroom.

David delighted in the irony that since they started living together, most of the time he was the one who was ready to leave for work first. 'I'm not taking the blame for this one. As I recall, you were the early bird who wanted the worm.' He sniggered at the memory of Maddie reaching out for him under the covers that morning and starting what became a hurried and hot lovemaking session that ended on a happy high note.

She did a walk-run out of the bedroom and down the hallway towards the living room, all the while trying unsuccessfully to connect the clasp on her necklace. 'Quick, David, can you help me with this?' She turned around and pulled up her wavy blonde hair.

He took up the ends and fastened them together. Then he took one of her hands and turned her around. David always thought Maddie looked stunning in her work clothes and today was no exception. 'You look good,' he paid her a compliment. 'What color is that?'

'Hippopotamus gray,' she said with a smile. It went nicely with her lavender blouse.

'Are you serious?' He said, while making it more than obvious that he was checking out her fine derriere. 'Let me tell you, Ms. Hayes, you are by far the prettiest hippopotamus in all of New York City. That's all five boroughs, you know. Those river horses they got up there at the Bronx Zoo can't hold a candle to you.'

She smirked at him. 'We better go, David, or I'm gonna hold a candle to you!'

'Ye-ouch!' He moved his hand to cover his behind.

Maddie stepped past him, and with her purse tucked under her arm, she reached out to open the door. 'What the...' She was suddenly startled. So was David.

There before them stood Agnes Dipesto, looking just as fired up angry as she was the last they saw her... the day the television show they were on was abruptly canceled. She was holding up her hand as if she had been about to knock. When the door flew open in front of her, Agnes was caught off guard. She uttered the sound, 'Ooo,' but nothing more. She stood there, shifting her gaze back and forth... from Maddie to David then back again to Maddie. Her face looked flushed, like she'd just run a marathon. Or, like she was fighting mad. Maddie and David couldn't tell which, until that is, they saw her husband, Herbert Viola, making his way up the stairs, one labored step at a time. He looked a mess, with trash stuck to his clothes and what appeared to be a sticky mixture of maple syrup and motor oil dripping from his hair.

Still standing in the doorway, Agnes turned around to look at him. Her chest heaved with every breath. She held her arms at her sides and her hands balled up into fiery red fists. It was as if puffs of steam and smoke was rising from her head. Mount St. Agnes was about to blow. But instead, she covered her face with her hands and started to sob.

David looked at Maddie and put his hands out, silently urging her to do something. But as soon as Maddie placed her hand gently on Agnes' shoulder, Agnes let out an exaggerated cry and ran between them, making a beeline for the open bathroom door. As soon as she was inside, she slammed the door shut behind her.

'Whoa, whoa, whoa!' David blurted out. 'Now she's slamming doors?! Isn't that our thing? Our trademark? Our patent pending?' He looked at Maddie. 'Don't we have that copyrighted?'

'Will you stop fussing already? Agnes is obviously very upset!'

'So go talk to her then!'

Though it could very well make her late for work, Maddie felt obligated and so she started out towards the bathroom.

Just then David's attention shifted to Herbert, who was now standing two feet out the door. 'Hold on, trash collector, you're not setting foot in here. I already hear enough about the bits-o'-dirt my shoes bring in here.'

Bert looked up at him with puppy dog eyes. 'I'm sorry, Mr. Addison. I just...'

'Hit the pause button, Viola. Let me grab my jacket. You and I'll catch up on my way to work.'

'Work, Mr. Addison?'

'Yeah, you know, the place where you swivel a chair... ogle the women... limbo with the staff?'

'Ogle the women, sir?'

'Did I say that? I meant used to ogle the women, Bert. That's past tense. I don't do that anymore.'

'You mean where you get paid to do absolutely no work?'

'Ah, there you go, you remember.' David threw his black jacket on and turned Bert around. 'Let's get outta here. Give the girls a chance to talk and cry… get it all outta their systems. By the way, Bert, what are they talkin' and cryin' about?'

'Agnes thinks I cheated on her!'

Monday Noontime - Jake's Lexington Diner

Maddie had to hurry off to work that morning, and so she'd told Agnes to stay at her and David's apartment until she could meet up with her later on. They decided to meet for lunch at the diner on the ground floor of the Blue Sky Publishing building. Jake's Lexington was a 1950's-inspired diner decorated with Elvis Presley memorabilia and a long counter where they served up milkshakes under a mountain of whipped cream and cherries.

When Maddie arrived at the restaurant, she spotted Agnes near the back, seated under a framed Blue Hawaii one-sheet. Though nearly a year and a half had passed since she saw her last, Maddie thought Agnes looked just the same as she did the day Blue Moon Investigations ceased operations. Distraught. Frazzled. Furious. Her long dark hair was pulled back in a thick braid, and she wore loose-fitting layers of earth-toned clothing accented by eclectic thrift store jewelry.

It warmed Maddie's heart to see her here. This woman who truly was a blast from her recent past. The bubbly receptionist to her stern boss. Seemingly younger, but in truth, a year older and with a wealth of life's wisdom. It was hard for Maddie to admit sometimes, but Agnes had a way of shining a light on things unseen. It was Agnes who saw the potential for she and David to love each other... even when that love was still far off on the horizon or when it seemed doomed to fail.

As a boss, there were times when Maddie didn't know what she would've done had Agnes not been a steady presence at Blue Moon. She was the glue that held the business together. She was the rock... even when the landscape around her was crumbling.

And though they were never friends, per se... never really did much of anything together outside of the office, maybe they could have. Maybe they should have.

Seeing Agnes look up and wave to her made Maddie smile. She walked over and took a seat at the small table for two. 'I'm so glad you're here, Agnes. It's been such a long time. You look terrific!' She wanted to say something nice since Agnes' eyes were still red and puffy from all the crying she had done earlier that morning. 'So, what brings you and Herbert to New York City?'

Agnes pulled herself together and tried to act like nothing was wrong. 'Oh, we had a wedding to attend. Yesterday. In Brooklyn.'

'A wedding?'

'Yeah, an old boyfriend of mine got married. Remember once... I told you how I dated the fellas on my college football team?'

Maddie raised her eyebrows and nodded enthusiastically.

'Well,' Agnes said, with a twinkle in her eye. 'This was not one I was intimate with.'

'Good thing,' Maddie replied.

'It was a very nice church wedding right here in the city. Two big families coming together. Everybody got along. The reception was at Scarpelli's.'

'Scarpelli's, eh?' Maddie was impressed. That was an expensive Italian restaurant.

'It was all so beautiful, Ms. Hayes!' Agnes gushed.

'Agnes, you know you don't have to call me Ms. Hayes anymore. Call me Maddie.'

'Okay, I will, Ms. Hayes.' She realized her faux pas and brought one... then two hands up to her mouth. 'I'm sorry... Maddie.' Then Agnes made a face, like calling this woman by her first name left a sour taste in her mouth. It was going to take some getting used to.

'You were very upset this morning. I was so sorry I had to leave for work when I did, but... thank goodness for lunch breaks,' Maddie said awkwardly and then gave her old friend an endearing look. 'Care to tell me what's got you upset?'

Tears sprang to Agnes' eyes and the chatty woman was suddenly not so chatty. She looked incredibly sad. 'I hate Bert.'

'Agnes, you don't hate Bert.'

'Yes, I do! I hate him,' she stated emphatically.

'Agnes, you may be mad at him, but I know you. You don't hate him.'

'I used to love him. I used to think he hung the moon. But now I hate him.'

'Why? What happened? There must be a reason...'

'Oh, there's a reason. A big, enormous, gigantic reason!'

'Which is...'

'Which is that he cheated on me!'

Maddie took a sharp breath. 'Oh my! What do you mean he cheated on you? I can't even begin to imagine...'

'Well, imagine it.'

Maddie made a squeamish look. 'I think I'd rather not.'

'Last night at the reception, Ms. Hayes, I found him... right there on the floor of the coat check room. My Herbert wrapped up in the arms of another woman. I watched them roll this way and that way. Their legs were entangled and their mouths were slobbering all over each other...'

Maddie looked ill. 'Thank you for the detailed description, Agnes. I get the picture.'

'Oh, it was truly awful, Ms. Hayes!'

Maddie nodded her head, but she remained skeptical. 'I'm sure it was...'

'I've thought about it all morning. I will never be able to trust Herbert... not ever.'

'Does that mean you're leaving him?'

Misty-eyed, Anges looked off into the distance and said in the best way she knew how:
'I'm a woman of the nineties.
I won't stand for this sleaze.
If Bert won't apologize,
I'll bring him to his knees.'
Then she suddenly lost all her boldness, curled in on herself and started to cry.

'Oh Agnes, have you talked to Bert? Have you heard his side of the story? Maybe it's not what you think.' Maddie reached into her purse and handed Agnes some tissues. 'I had a situation once... not too long ago. I was working late with a man I'm friends with... a photo journalist named Timothy... he pulled me in for what I thought was going to be a friendly goodbye hug and boy was I wrong. He kissed me. Right on the mouth. Like a real kiss! I immediately pushed him away, of course! He crossed a line, and I made sure he knew never to do that again. But what if David had walked in on that?'

'It would've been bad. Really, really bad. Quicker than a flash, that photographer would've had his lights knocked out.'

'Precisely.'

'Did you ever tell Mr. Addison? About the kiss?'

Maddie sat back, taking a somewhat defensive posture. 'Well, no. I didn't.'

'Why? If you don't mind my asking.'

'Well, probably because David would've thought of me exactly what you are thinking of Bert.'

'Do you really think so? That Mr. Addison would think you'd cheat on him?'

Maddie took a moment to contemplate. She'd never really thought about that before. 'I don't know. I'd like to think he wouldn't think that of me... and that he trusts me...' A sudden rush of guilt flooded her mind. 'Who knows? Maybe I should have told him about Timothy... and the kiss. But Agnes, David and I are not who we're talking about here. We're talking about you and Bert!'

Monday Afternoon - Dial-Sub Marketing

In a building not too far away, Herbert Viola sat in a small darkened office - David's office - sipping a cherry Slurpee and munching down on pretzels and corn chips all while playing Super Mario Brothers on a brand-new Nintendo gaming system. In a moment of utter frustration, he cried out, 'Damnit Luigi! Can't you see the fireballs!'

The door opened up and David poked his head inside. 'Would you keep it down in here, Bert! I got twenty minutes left on the clock. Then we can grab a bite across the street.'

Bert lifted his eyes up over his controller, but he couldn't possibly be any more distracted. 'Oh, oh, yes, sir... sorry, sir... err, I mean Mr. Addison, sir.' His short stubby fingers were aggressively hitting all the buttons. 'Can you believe it, sir? The way these games just suck you in... young kids... big kids... all over the country... addicted to playing this... this... nonsense, sir! I mean... it's such a waste of time... sitting... not even sitting, sir... lounging around like zombies... mindlessly moving this little, mustached Italian plumber. Who is this guy anyway? A fad! A craze! A fascination! Mark my words, sir, this Mario game will undoubtedly go the way of the Cabbage Patch doll... or the Pet Rock!' Then, his focus shifted entirely back to the game. 'Hey, Bowzer! I'll get you this time!'

David stood there for a moment chuckling as he watched the big brown eyes of Bert's inner child fixate on the screen. 'Be careful there, Bert... Ms. Pac-Man's gonna come and bite you on the ass. And Bert?'

'Yes, Mr. Addison...'

'You might wanna open the blinds in here. This is an office, not an arcade...'

Bert cracked a playful, mischievous smile.

Monday Evening - Score Restaurant & Bar

David didn't know why he hadn't noticed it before, but either this was a real tight booth, or his old buddy Bert had put on a few pounds since he'd seen him last. Amused, David looked at him and smiled, his eyebrows raised. 'Agnes must make a meal fit for a king.'

'Huh?' Bert seemed confused.

'Never mind,' David muttered as he sat down. 'Food here's pretty good. Their Salisbury steak puts Swanson's to shame.'

'Oh, yeah? That's good to know. I'm real hungry after the day I've had.'

Both men picked up and started to peruse the menu, but Bert, after a quick look, put his right down. He looked over at David and opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but nothing came out. He clearly felt a bit awkward, sitting here with his old boss. He looked down at his hands and then back up at David. He seemed startled when David suddenly glanced up and asked if he knew what he was going to order. He shook his head, no. Then, from somewhere deep down, he found the courage to ask, 'Can I call you, Dave? I mean, I've always wanted to call you, Dave... or David even? Though I imagine only Ms. Hayes can call you David.'

'You'd be surprised what Ms. Hayes calls me, Bert. Something I've learned living with the lady. Her language can be a bit salty at times.'

Bert appeared shocked. 'Nah, you've got to be kidding!'

David chuckled. 'Yes, I'm kidding. And yes, you can call me Dave.'

Sitting there, satisfied one hurdle has been cleared, Bert went on, 'I don't know what happened yesterday, Mr. Addison... er... Dave. The reception was just about over, guests were starting to leave. I went to get my and Agnes' coats. I go into the coat check room, pull mine off the hanger and start to put it on, and then I'm suddenly tackled to the floor by this gorgeous red-haired woman...'

'No line of defense, Bert?'

'None, sir, I mean, Dave. I was completely blindsided. This woman practically had her tongue down my throat and her hands were all over me!'

'Sounds like a touching foul...'

'I flip her over and roll on top of her... you know, so I can try to stand up and it's at that very moment that I hear a shriek. I look up and I see my poor Agnes standing there... her eyes wide open and her hands covering her mouth.'

David could see that Bert was truly upset and so he stopped joking. 'And then what happened?'

'She just turned away from me. We went back to our hotel. I tried to explain what happened, but she wouldn't speak to me. This woman who has always had such a way with words, and... and she had none for me. I... I... I tried to talk to her this morning when we left the hotel and she reached for the nearest trash container and dumped it on me!' Bert looked down at his chest. 'Thanks for letting me borrow this shirt by the way.'

'No problem, man.' David sat there for a moment studying Bert. He knew the man well enough to know that he would never cheat on his beloved Agnes. He also knew that Bert was not the type of man to draw the sexual advances of a voluptuous woman. Not without some reason. There had to be a reason.

'Hey Bert,' David said. 'We may no longer be detectives, right? I mean, you are no longer a detective, right?'

'Yes...well... unfortunately, that's correct. You see, after... after Blue Moon shut down, I was forced to go back to the temp agency. I'm so ashamed,' he broke down whining. 'Those miserable bastards! They place me wherever they can drop a sorry sack like me. Don's Discount Wash & Lube! Lucky Duck Pawn Shop! Oh, and the best... the best was having to do laundry services for the residents at the Almost Heaven Assisted Living... try havin' to wash bed linens and undergarments for the over eighty set...'

'Skid marks are a part of life, Bert... chin up! We may no longer be detectives, but we've definitely got ourselves a case!'

Tuesday Morning - Our Lady of Angels, Brooklyn

David had little time to spare, but he promised Bert he'd meet him early in the morning at the church where the wedding took place. He was running just a few minutes late when he turned the corner and saw Bert standing on the steps by the entrance. It had just started to drizzle and Bert, raincoat in hand, was just about to open up his umbrella.

'Good morning, Bert!' David said as he jogged up to the large wooden doors. 'Double protection. Always good to come prepared.'

'Good, sir? I mean Dave, sir.' Frustrated, Bert smacked himself on the cheek.

'Doesn't quite roll off the tongue, does it?' David grinned. He was in a chipper mood.

'I wouldn't quite call it a good morning...' Bert started to say, but then David interrupted.

'I'd ask how things went last night with the missus, but news moves fast. I heard through the blonde grapevine that Agnes got herself a hotel room for one.'

'She sure did,' he said, sounding bitter. 'At least she had the decency to leave a note letting me know she was staying in a room on the third floor. Otherwise, I would've scoured the entire city looking for her!'

'I bet instead you scoured the TV Guide for a good dramedy to watch.'

'Not at all. My head hit the pillow and I was out like a light.'

'Probably for the best. We got work to do.'

Just then a young man dressed in an all-black cassock, clearly a member of the clergy, walked up to them. He made a point to look Bert up and down. 'I'm so glad you came back for your raincoat,' he said. 'A kind soul placed it in the lost and found after the wedding on Sunday.'

A curious look passed between David and Bert, and then David remarked to the clergyman, 'Yeah, you gotta love that lost and found. It's like the island of missing raincoats, ain't it? Speaking of, do you mind if I take a look? I seem to be missing an umbrella from the other day...'

Before excusing himself, the young man pointed down a long hallway to where a large cardboard box sat beneath an ornate stained-glass window. The box was overflowing with the things left behind by the church's parishioners. David and Bert walked towards it, and when they got close, they both spotted it lying right there on top. The long olive-colored raincoat, identical in every way to the one Bert was wearing. Same color, same maker, but strangely, the front pocket was torn open. Tattered pieces of the square-shaped fabric hung on by mere threads.

Bert picked it up and studied it. 'Well, well, well... isn't this interesting? It all makes sense! It's the raincoat! Don't you see? This woman is so attracted to men wearing long raincoats that she can't help herself! It's her fetish, her compulsion, her OBSESSION!'

'Sure. I could see that if your coat was drenched in Obsession for Men, but Bert, look around. You're in a church. My guess is you smelt more of frankincense and myrrh at the time...'

'She's a serial attacker! God help the married man who crosses this woman's path during a rainstorm!'

'That would be you, Bert!' David reminded him.

'Well... God help me then.'

'Get a grip, Bert, I think you're barking up the wrong tree... wide of the mark.'

'Then what do you think when you see this?!' Still holding onto the coat, Bert shakes it in front of David, pointing out the torn pocket.

'Put the coat down, Bert.' His voice was firm, trying to steady his friend.

'But...' Bert was frustrated, but he respected his old boss more than anybody in the world, and so he reluctantly dropped the coat back in the cardboard box.

'Listen to me. Put your hands in your pockets.'

'Why?'

'You don't want me to do it now, do you? Just do as I say... check all your pockets real good.'

Bert started with the two pockets at his sides. Nothing. He checked the chest pockets, one and then the other. Still nothing. Then he remembered that one of the side pockets had a small, hidden pocket in the lining of the coat, and so he sunk his fingers in there, and lo and behold, he felt something. His mouth opened wide and his eyes sparkled as he slowly pulled out a necklace and held it up high for both of them to see.

David watched with amazement at the way the light bounced off the large tear-shaped diamond. 'I think we found the hidden treasure.'

'This is why that woman threw herself at me!'

'Who knew, Bert,' David chuckled, 'turns out the charm she was after was definitely not yours.'

'What was I thinking?'

'You were thinking you were God's gift to women...'

'Way to put a hole through a guy's ego...' Bert mumbled, not even trying to cover up his sheer disappointment.

Tuesday Afternoon - The Stoops Hotel

After spending a miserable, lonely night in her hotel room, Agnes decided to heed Maddie's advice and go listen to Bert's side of the story. So, she pulled back her hair, threw on a sweater and laced up her high-top sneakers. Then, with a weary heart and hopeful anticipation, she made her way to the elevator and rode it up to the tenth floor.

When the doors opened, Agnes came face-to-face with a stunning redhead. The woman was dressed to kill in a sexy little black number that revealed so much it made Agnes feel the need to avert her eyes. The woman, being impatient, rudely brushed past her. 'Excuse me,' Agnes snapped, this time forcing herself to make eye contact with the woman. In that moment, she knew that this was the woman she'd seen kissing Bert. What was she doing here on the tenth floor, she thought. Agnes could feel her blood begin to boil. Then, with wild and crazy eyes, Agnes spun around and stared down the redheaded woman. 'You heartless marriage ender! You stay away from my man!' The woman ignored her and pressed the elevator button. Agnes stepped backward into the hall just as the doors closed.

Poor Agnes. Now her feathers were more than ruffled. She was beside herself. So much for giving Bert a chance to explain. This whole situation was getting worse by the minute. Agnes stifled her tears and rubbed her eyes. She had to pull herself together. Then she turned right back around and left in a huff, opting to march down the stairs rather than waiting for the elevator to return.

Early Tuesday Evening - Addison/Hayes Residence

'What is going on in here?!' Maddie asked, annoyed, sounding not unlike a stern parent walking in on a house party. After working late, she had come home wanting nothing more than a simple dinner and a long, leisurely bubble bath. The last thing she expected to find was a scruffy Herbert Viola sitting on the sofa, hunched over a pizza box with a beer in each hand.

David's voice could be heard coming from the kitchen. 'Hey Bert! You know I thought about buying two TVs. One for watching the American League and the other for the National...' He stopped short, mid-sentence, when he saw Maddie standing by the door and he cringed. Beer sloshed over the top of his mug and spilled all over his hand. 'Maddie! You're home!' He walked up and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Then he held out the tray he was holding. 'Care for a chicken wing?' He knew it was a rhetorical question. 'That's okay. I got you a salad. It's in the fridge.'

She looked down at Bert. 'I take it Agnes is still not speaking to you.'

'Pizza slice?' He pointed to the pie in front of him, not confirming her accurate assumption.

She didn't even try to hide her disgust… at him and the oily pizza in his hand. 'No, thank you. And please, don't let any of that food get on my coffee table.'

'Oh, I won't, Ms. Hayes. Did you hear the good news?' Bert looked over at David. 'Did you tell her?'

'Haven't had a chance. I was at work all day.'

Bert looked up at Maddie. He shifted to sit at one end of the couch to make room for her. 'Please, sit.'

'No, thank you,' she said. She had no intention of sitting anywhere near Bert. She walked with an attitude past both men to the other side of the living room where she settled in the chair behind her desk. She placed her elbows on the desk and rested her chin on her folded hands. 'You have good news?'

David placed the tray down on the coffee table and shoved his hands in his pockets. 'Yea, as a matter of fact, we do. You can tell Agnes to cancel her application to appear on Divorce Court, Maddie. There was a mix-up at the wedding... a guest accidentally placed a necklace in the pocket of the wrong coat... Bert's coat. When we went to the church this morning, we found a coat... identical to Bert's... in the lost and found. Its front pocket had been torn to shreds. Bert checked the same pocket on his coat and you guessed it... BINGO! No Whammies! And The Price Is Right! You just won this stunning 10-carat diamond necklace!' David pulled out the necklace and dangled it in front of Maddie's eyes.

She leaned forward to touch the diamond; her interest piqued. 'Are you serious? This is a beautiful piece of jewelry, by the way.'

'I'll be sure to tell Santa Claus.' David looked at Maddie with a smirk.

Bert suddenly chimed in. 'So, you see, that woman who latched onto my face like a cuttlefish was doing nothing more than trying to distract me so that she could get her hands in my pocket and retrieve her necklace! It was all innocent!'

Maddie sat back in her chair, considering the story she'd just been told. 'Innocent? I'm not so sure. I think your sleuthing, David, is a little rusty.'

'Rusty? How so? And would you oil me up?'

Bert chuckled at that, but straightened up as soon as Maddie gave him a glare.

She looked back at David. 'Why wouldn't this woman... this cuttlefish, as Bert so crudely referred to her. Why wouldn't she just ask for her necklace back? Wouldn't that have been the simplest way to do it? Why go to the trouble of sucking face with Bert?' She turned to look at Bert sitting there on the couch. 'I mean no offense, of course.'

'None taken, Ms. Hayes,' Bert mumbled, leaning forward with his hands clasped together between his knees.

Then she looked back at David. 'It just doesn't make sense. Do you wanna know what I think?'

As if a lightbulb suddenly turned on, the three of them, all at once, cried out, 'The necklace was stolen!'

David looked over his shoulder and asked, 'How's that for all being on the same page?'

'Who are you talking to?' Maddie wondered.

'The readers!'

'Oh... right... the readers.'

Late Tuesday Evening - The Stoops Hotel

The elevator opened and David, Maddie and Herbert all stepped forward at the same time resulting in a traffic jam, of sorts, in the doorway.

'David, isn't it... supposed to be ladies first?' Maddie struggled to ask.

'Hey, this would've gone a whole lot smoother… if you had oiled me up like I asked,' he joked, as the three of them managed to break free and stumble out onto the third floor.

Bert steadied himself with a hand against the wall. 'With all due respect, Dave... Maddie... as Agnes' husband, I do feel that I should be the one to explain to her what happened... and to let her know that woman will leave me alone now that the stolen necklace is in the hands of the police.'

'Absolutely, Bert,' David agreed. 'The two of us… Wingman and Wing-woman... we're only here for support.'

Maddie nodded her head in agreement. 'We just want you and Agnes to get back together.' Then she motioned in the direction of Agnes' room. 'Go on, Bert. We'll stay back here.'

'Good luck, man.' David patted Bert on the back.

'Thanks, Mr. Ad... Dave.'

'If we hear the bed rockin', we won't come knockin'.' David winked. Bert smiled, and then he turned to walk down the hallway. David took Maddie by the hand and pulled her to him, wrapping his arm around her waist as they watched him go.

'Gotta feel good about that,' Maddie said sweetly, gazing up at David, but he didn't respond. Instead, she watched how in what seemed like slow-motion, the relaxed, satisfied look on his face changed to that of grave concern. Then she looked down the hallway and saw for herself what he was seeing: Bert, standing in front of Agnes' open door with his hands up... and a bald man with a gun pointed directly at his head.

Instinctively, David tried to lunge forward, but with Maddie's hands wrapped tightly around his waist, he toppled over. 'Oh, no, you don't!' She whispered to him firmly while holding him back. 'That was a gun, David! A real gun! You don't carry a gun anymore! We're not licensed detectives anymore!'

'Dagnabbit, you're right!'

She bunched up his shirt in her hands. 'We need to call the police, David! I haven't heard from Agnes all day! That man could be holding both of them in there at gunpoint!'

Looking around, David took a chance and tried to open the door to the room nearest him, and the door just so happened to be unlocked. 'Now there's a lucky plot point,' he said to Maddie, who smirked at him. 'I'll keep watch; you go make the call.'

Maddie called the police and miraculously the boys in blue showed up in record time. As it turned out, when the busty redhead, whose real name was Fancy Fury, brushed past Agnes at the hotel earlier that day, she recognized her as being Herbert's wife. So, she followed Agnes back to her hotel room on the third floor and tied her up. Fancy then called Bernard Burns, her sleezeball boyfriend and a felon the size of a marshmallow on steroids. He had been a groomsman at the wedding. Fancy told Bernard that Agnes' husband would come looking for her, and that their best opportunity to retrieve the stolen diamond necklace from him would be to hold his wife at ransom. Maddie and David foiled their plan.

Wednesday Evening - Scarpelli's Restaurant

David popped the cork on the bottle of champagne and poured everyone a glass. He looked around the table. Maddie, Bert, Agnes… all three were there, and that put a warm smile on his face.

Herbert raised his glass and took the hypothetical podium, so to speak, in his typical pretentious, yet lovable way. 'Dave and Maddie... it is an absolute honor to be in your presence tonight. For I, Herbert Viola, and my sweet, sweet Agnes want you to know that we hold the both of you in the highest regard. We want to thank you for your bravery in coming to our rescue this week. Not only did you save our lives, but you saved our marriage as well. Thus, we no longer wish to think of you as our previous bosses, but as our new lifelong best friends.' Bert looked down at Agnes. 'Did you have anything to add, dear?'

Agnes sat there for a moment, looking across the table at two people who truly meant the world to her. At first it seemed the cat had her tongue, but then the dam of deep emotion broke loose, and good ol' Miss Dipesto was a blithering mess. 'Oh, Ms. Hayes and Mr. Addison, you're always going to be Ms. Hayes and Mr. Addison to me, and I sure am going to miss you two. Los Angeles just isn't the same without you.'

Maddie couldn't help but feel touched by Agnes' words. The tears in her eyes sparkled, just like her glass of champagne. 'Aw, Agnes… and Herbert, that was very kind of you…'

David raised his glass. 'Cheers, everyone!'

EPILOGUE
Late Wednesday Evening

David held his right hand up and whistled for a cab to come to the curb. He could have had the valet attendant call a cab for him, but he preferred to walk a few blocks and do it for himself.

Maddie watched him from where she stood a few feet away on the city sidewalk. She always thought he looked sexy when he would hail a cab, and tonight was no exception. Something about his confidence and his swagger mesmerized her. And he sure looked good in a suit and tie. Made her wish they were home already so she could take that tie of his and lead him straight to the bedroom. She sighed just thinking about it.

The yellow cab came when it was called, and David held the door open for her. 'That was fun tonight,' he said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek as she shuffled past him to get into the car. Then he slid in after her and pulled the door shut. '10th and 28th.' He told the driver, who quickly pulled out into traffic.

Inside the cab, David shifted in his seat so that he was facing Maddie. He studied her for a long moment, and then pressed his back into the leather seat. He felt happy, near giddy with excitement and booze, but she was quiet... just sitting there looking out the window seemingly immersed in her thoughts. She hadn't said a word since they left the restaurant. He placed his arm up along the headrest so that his hand would brush the back of her hair. 'Hey, Goldilocks, you okay?' No response. He tried again to get her attention. 'Did you see that? There's a Mama bear just ran across the street!'

'Huh?' She turned to look at him with sleepy eyes, not at all registering a word he said. 'I'm fine... a little tired, but fine, and you? You looked like you had a good time tonight with Bert and Agnes.'

'I did... a great time, in fact.' He nodded his head, but then with apprehension, 'Did you?'

'I did,' she said, not very convincingly. 'They were wonderful. It was good seeing them again.'

'Okaaaay.' He could not help feeling a bit irritated that she did not seem happier.

'Okaaaay? What does that mean?'

'It doesn't mean anything. Big O. Big K. I mean, in another context that could mean Oklahoma, but here… no. It just means okay.'

'Okay.' Maddie seemed satisfied with that and returned her gaze to the cars whizzing by.

David was dumbfounded. Why the cool mood? Here they'd just had a nice dinner with a couple of good old friends. He looked at Maddie. All he could see was her beautiful profile. She clearly wasn't in the mood to talk, which made him want to talk even more. And he knew he might be heading into the danger zone, but he couldn't help himself. He'd made an observation and he just had to say it out loud. 'You're uppity.'

That did it. 'I'm uppity? How dare you say that! What is that supposed to mean?'

'You know. Haughty, hifalutin, pompous...'

She turned towards him slowly, her eyes wide and her mouth open, not believing what she was hearing as he rattled on and on.

'Pretentious, puffed up, superior...'

'Enough, David!' She snarled, 'Why are you saying these things?!'

'I don't know. It's just... I really enjoyed our time with them tonight. It was nice going out with friends. And it's like you're acting like you're above it all... or above them... or something like that... like it didn't mean anything to you.'

'Of course, it meant something to me!'

'I just want us to have friends, Maddie!'

'We do have friends!'

'No, I have friends! We? We do not have friends!'

'Sure, we do. Fish is...'

'Fish and the guys down at the bar are my friends, Maddie. You have your friends... I think, but what I'm talkin' about is our friends. Our friends, Maddie. Our own Fred & Ethyl Mertz... our own Ed & Trixie...'

'... our own Betty and Barney Rubble,' she said sarcastically.

'Look, you and I have lived here in this big ol' apple with all of its seven million people for almost a year and a half now, and tonight is the first time we went out with another couple.'

'I understand, David, I do. And just so you know, I did have a good time tonight. And I'd do it again in a heartbeat, but sadly, like it or not, Bert and Agnes are headed back to LA.'

Los Angeles. They rarely talked about the city, but they both missed it... the palm trees... the gorgeous sunsets... the warm weather. They spent the rest of the cab ride home looking out the window at the icy cold rain that had started hitting the pavement.

Even though their argument ended, David still felt bad. He knew he hurt her feelings tonight, and that was never his intention. Maddie felt bad, too. After the fun evening they'd had, she couldn't help but feel like her melancholy mood popped his bubble. She reached out and held onto his hand, and they both just looked at each other, calm now after getting all fired up. David let the back of his fingers graze her cheek. 'Yabba, dabba, doo?' If those caveman words had any meaning at all, in that moment, they meant... forgive me? He got his answer when she squeezed his hand and rested her head against his shoulder.

Suddenly, David thought he had a brilliant idea. 'Babe, you know people at work... maybe you invite a friend plus one to join us for dinner sometime?'

She wasn't sure that was such a good idea, so she tried to hedge off the question. 'I don't know...'

'Embarrassed to be seen with me, eh? Look, I can wear one of those catch-all bibs to keep the food from hitting my shirt.'

She shook her head. 'Don't be silly, David. To be perfectly honest... I don't know who I would ask. Women don't usually want to be friends with me.'

'You're kidding! You mean women don't want to be seen standing next to the Blue Moon Shampoo Girl?' He looked down into her beautiful blue eyes and smirked. 'Can't imagine why.'

'Actually, there is someone I could ask. A friend at work... his name is Timothy.' She tried to say it about as nonchalantly as she could.

David was completely taken aback. 'Hold on, hold on. Is this Timothy, as in let's go get our nails painted, Timothy, or is this rich, successful executive who is trying to get with my girl, Timothy?'

A tad offended, Maddie straightened up in her seat. 'Well, neither. Timothy Valencourt is a freelance photo journalist I work with from time to time. He's a fascinating man. He's taken photos all over the world. I think you might like him.'

David was skeptical, and he thanked God at the moment she wasn't looking directly at his face because his eyeroll would have surely ticked her off. 'Yeah, right, nothing I like more than getting my picture taken. What's his wife do?'

'Timothy's not married.'

'Oh, that makes this even better…'

'At least, I don't think he's married.' Maddie thought back to the night one year ago when Timothy had tried to kiss her. 'He might have a girlfriend. I'll tell him to bring a date.'

David couldn't help but envision this dinner turning out to be another awkward evening with Maddie and one of her elite, snooty "friends". Think Sam. Think Chez Bray. What he really wanted was for the Violas to cancel their flight and decide to come back and set up house in New York. Right in the brownstone next door. Bert would make the perfect Barney to his Fred. Oh, where was the Great Gazoo when he needed him.

TO BE CONTINUED IN THE NEXT STORY...

A/N: If you enjoyed the story, please leave a review and let me know. Thanks!