Nico gasped for air. His t-shirt stuck to him with sweat. He had woken up screaming again. Nico was plagued with nightmares frequently, but this time was different. This time he didn't have Will. It was Nico's fault. Will had done nothing, Nico couldn't handle the voices. All the insecurities that welled up inside of him. Will was heartbroken and currently, the two were nowhere close to speaking terms. Nico dragged himself out of bed, a sharp pain shot up his sides. He winced, he felt hot blood running down his skin. He shuffled off towards the bathroom. Carefully, pulling his shirt over his head. The pain had only gotten worse since last night. He looked in the mirror, internally cringing at his appearance. Since he had broken up with Will Nico's nightmares and habits had only gotten worse. He didn't have anything anymore. He had let Will go and there was no getting him back. He looked at the dark circles and sunken cheeks, not wanting to look at the tens of cuts across his torso. He shut off the bathroom light, treading carefully back to his bed. The Hades cabin didn't provide a comforting aura to wake up to but somehow Will had always brightened its atmosphere. Nico shook his head, trying to get the thought out of his head.
"Don't need him. All you did was weigh him down. He is better off without you. You're too much for anyone to handle. Better off being alone."
Nico often said this to himself, trying to convince himself that he had made the right choice. That Will was really better off without him. He plucked the shirt off the floor, pulling it over his head. Wary not to reopen the cuts that had just stopped bleeding. Laying back down gingerly, he tried not to think of Will but the boy kept finding his way into Nico's thoughts. After a while, Nico fell back into a dreamless sleep.
The next day Nico walked down the beach, trying to clear his mind. He often did this when he wanted to distract himself. It was a breezy day and the sun was hidden behind the clouds. Nico's thoughts drifted to Will. He just couldn't help it. They had broken up almost a month ago, and Nico could still see the pain in Will's eyes when he had told him. He heard gravel crunching in front of him. Someone was walking towards him. Nico didn't really want to talk to anyone, he wasn't in the mood to deal with people's questioning stares. He started to turn back, wanting to avoid possible confrontation.
"Nico?"
He froze in place. He knew that voice. No, no. Please not him. Anyone but him. He felt the calming presence of shadows, resting under his feet. He could leave. Escape and not have to deal with the pain anymore. The darkness would let him rest. It promised safety, a way to escape. He heard Will start to walk towards him. He felt bile rising in his throat, panicking and calling more shadows to him. Melting into their familiarity.
"NICO! NO!"
Will would hate this, was the last thing he thought before the darkness engulfed him. Nico briefly remembered his cabin, but that was about all he could process before collapsing on the floor. The voices were always the worst after he shadow-traveled. This vision was different, Nico felt his stomach drop. He was in the labyrinth again. I can do this. He chanted in his head. trying to stop the voices. Nevertheless, they echoed through him. No, you can't. You can't do anything. You're just a scared little kid, who couldn't even protect his own sister. Stop. Stop! Nico begged, but the voices reverberated in his skull, chanting over and over again. He couldn't escape this torment. The voice moved onto a different topic. Will. You pushed him away. He never loved you. You're unlovable. Do you actually think he wanted to be with you? The voice laughed. A sick sound that was harsh and pitiless. It paid no heed to Nico's pleas. Dissecting and prodding every bad thought Nico had ever had. Then the vision suddenly changed, he was in Tartarus. Being chased by monsters, half-starved. He ran, running with all his remaining strength. He fell, his limp body smashing into the surface of the hell hole, and laid there. Nico heard the monsters closing in on him but he didn't care. End me. Please. I have suffered enough. Just let it be over. As their talons reached out to slice his body, the vision changed again. He was in a scrapyard. He peered around. He had no recollection of this place. Then he saw them. Percy and a small traveling company making their way through the scrapyard. Oh, Gods. Bianca. Nico knew what this was. He was watching his sister's death. He watched the vision unfold. Helpless to stop it. Watched as his sister sacrificed herself to save the rest of them. His thoughts immediately went to Percy. The slimy son of the sea god. He did this.
"YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT HER!"
He screamed.
Below is what's happening at the camp while Nico is trapped in his vision*
The screaming was horrible. It filled the ears of everyone at the camp, counselors, and campers running towards the source. Trying to help in any way. Will was the first one in the dark cabin. He kicked the door down, running inside to see Nico unconscious on the wooden floor. Chiron was there soon after, kneeling to examine the small boy. Tears streamed down Nico's face, while his screams echoed through the night. Will's eyes scanned over the younger boy. Gods, Neeks, what have you been doing to yourself? Nico was skin and bones. He was bleeding from various spots on his torso. The blood seeped through his shirt. His cheeks were more sunken than usual. His clothes hung off him like rags. Will slowly pulled Nico's shirt up, trying to stop the bleeding. His voice caught in his throat. Nico. Will tried to process what was in front of him. Nico's entire torso was covered with cuts and scars. There were over a hundred fresh wounds. Will released his full aura to help try and calm Nico down. This was to no effect. He was starting to become scared. Channeling his aura into calming energy usually woke Nico up, or at least calmed him in some way. However, now it was not affecting the screaming boy. Come back to me, Neeks. Will had tried everything godly possible to try and wake Nico up. Nothing had worked in the slightest. Nico's screaming hadn't ceased and neither had his tears or thrashing. As a last resort Will had gotten Percy and Jason because they were the two other people Nico was somewhat emotionally close with. Jason tried to talk to him with no avail. Percy bent down next to Nico, "Nico you have to wake up. Come back to us. Everything's going to be okay but you have to come back." Nico's eyes flew open.
Nico was watching Bianca's death over and over again. There was nothing he could do. He was frozen in place. He heard a voice. Percy's voice.
"Everything's gonna be okay…"
No. No, it's not. It isn't. His eyes flew open. Percy was hovering over him. You. She died because of you. He slammed Percy up against the wall. He saw nothing other than pure rage.
"Nico, stop!"
Jason tried to pull him off of Percy, but Nico sent him flying. His whole body exuded darkness, purple bleeding into his irises. The ground trembled underneath them. The floorboards split open, bones snaking up to form a crown on Nico's head.
"She died because of you," Nico's arm was crushing Percy's esophagus, "This is all your fault. She was the only one who truly loved me and you took her!"
Nico pressed harder against Percy's throat. Percy struggled for air and began to lose consciousness.
"Nico, stop. Sunshine, this isn't you. Let go, baby boy."
Nico hesitated. Will? No, Will was gone. He didn't love him anymore.
He loosened his grip on Percy ever so slightly and in that split second Jason ripped him off of Percy. Percy choked, gasping for air. Nico stumbled back, he was completely drained. The purple fading from his eyes. He collapsed. Strong arms caught him. I know that smell. He could feel his mind slipping into unconsciousness.
The last thought he recalled was being picked up and a faint voice saying, "I'm never letting you go again Sunshine."
Nico fluttered his eyes open, hissing at the bright light that met his eyes. He tried sitting up and winced.
"Oh my Gods, Nico. I thought you were dead. You were bleeding so much, and I didn't know if you were gonna wake up. I tried everything and nothing worked..."
Will.
The name echoed in Nico's head. He opened his eyes a little more and despite the burning pain sat up the slightest bit.
"No, no, don't sit up. Here I'll get you water."
Will got up and poured Nico water, walking back over to the bed. Will tilted Nico's head ever so slightly to help guide his lips to the water. Nico drank, grateful for the hydration. When was the last time I ate anything? His thoughts moved on, suddenly becoming very aware that Will hadn't removed his hand when he set down the glass of water and was now playing with the circles of hair above his nape. Will froze when he followed Nico's gaze to his hand.
"I-I'm sorry. Force of habit," he placed his hands in his lap.
Twiddling his thumbs slightly. His lips twitched, unsure of what to say
"What happened to you, Nico?"
Will looked uncertain of whether to ask, but when Nico met his eyes they were full of concern. He looked away quickly. He didn't know how to respond.
"Nothing happened. I'm fine."
He knew it was a lie, but he needed Will to leave so he could get out of here. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a voice told him to tell Will. To talk to him.
"Nico don't you dare lie to me. We both know you're nowhere close to fine. You're cutting again."
He flinched at the words. He knew he was getting bad again, going for days without eating anything, but Will had said it so bluntly. It made him sigh. He wanted to give up so badly. His father wouldn't let him suffer, he would spend his afterlife in Asylum.
"Nico, talk to me. Ever s-since," Will took a deep breath, "ever since we broke up you've disappeared. You barely eat, don't come to the campfire anymore. Gods, you probably don't sleep by the looks of it. You just stay in that cabin of yours, doing god knows what all day."
Will huffed, trying to hold back tears.
"I don't know what to do," his voice cracking, "you pushed me away. Every time I get anywhere close to you, you're gone. I j-just want to help you."
Will broke, crying into his hands. Nico hated seeing him like this. Broken. All because of Nico. The voices came back, louder this time. You see you can't do anything right. They taunted him. All you can do is screw up. Nobody ever loves you, because you're a wreck. Crying about this, crying about that. Why don't you grow up and do something with yourself? Why don't you just die?
"SHUT UP!"
Nico roared, causing Will to jump. He sat straight up in the infirmary bed, panting. His head spun, sick laughter cackling in the background.
"Nico...?"
Will seemed scared to ask, tears now dry on his face. His eyes were still puffy from crying. He locked eyes with Nico, and Nico broke. Something within him shattering. He knew that Will would never say any of those things to him. That wasn't Will.
"Do you think I'm too much? That I'm unlovable?"
Will seemed surprised by the question. Shock turned into relief on his face, which didn't make sense to Nico. What could he possibly be relieved about?
"You were never too much and you still aren't. How could you be unlovable when I love you with all my whole heart. You're my world, Nico."
Will slowly crawled up onto the bed with Nico, as he spoke. Gently pulling Nico over to him, until the two boys were laying down. Nico is slightly on top of Will. Nico stiffened at the contact until Will kissed his head. Whispering how beautiful Nico is, into his black curls. He relaxed, sinking into the familiarity of it all. They stayed like that for a while, before Will spoke.
"I have to rebandage those wounds or they'll get infected. I don't know how you managed with all of them, Neeks."
Nico flinched at the nickname.
Will continued, "The pain tolerance you have to continue functioning with that amount of blood loss and wounds..."
Will trailed off, knowing full well the extent of Nico's pain tolerance. He shifted the younger boy off of him and got up to retrieve the bandages. Coming back almost instantly, he helped Nico sit up. Pulling his shirt off, which Nico flushed at, and slowly unwrapping the old bandages. His eyes trailed all over Nico's torso, taking in the amount of damage Nico had done. His fingers lightly applied ointment to the nastier cuts and then rebandaged the wounds. Nico would never admit it but some part of him enjoyed being taken care of again. He subconsciously leaned into Will's touch, refusing to look at Will's face, how could he? Here Will was taking care of him, as always, and all Nico could do was cry and be yet another person Will had to tend to. It was humiliating.
"I can practically hear you thinking," Will said with a smirk, "you know I thought I had lost you back there. I wasn't sure if you would recover, I just..." Will trailed off. "I just want you to know that I care about you, more than you think. I know you have a past and don't always want to talk about it, but I am here if you ever-".
Will was quickly cut off by Nico placing his bandaged hand over his mouth.
"I don't want to talk about it, I just want you to stay here with me."
Will's eyes widened, it wasn't common that Nico so clearly expressed his emotions, but he had to admit that he didn't want to leave either, especially with Nico in this condition. Will let himself be guided down onto the bed, careful to avoid disturbing Nico's bandages. Nico draped himself over Will, much like a cat, which made Will smile.
"What are you smiling about you dork?"
"Nothing, nothing at all."
They quickly fell asleep, and when Percy came to check on them the next morning, there they were. Both of them were fast asleep, Nico wrapped in Will's arms with their legs intertwined. Percy smiled to himself.
"It's about time those two made it public."