Chapter 50!

I've been in a mood.

Enjoy, more notes at the end!

Half Cup, Dissolving Sugar

*Ryuko POV*

As her hero junior of one year, Ryuko was often subject to meeting up with and listening to Rumi chatter about things.

Sometimes the older heroine would treat her to a meal or they'd meet at one of their places to hangout and drink and today was supposed to be no different. The rabbit hero had been in the area and contacted her so Ryuko had planned to pick her up from a nearby store then they would head back to the dragon woman's place. However, when the younger heroine arrived she spotted her friend speaking with someone already.

It was a woman with long green hair, one who towered well over the rabbit hero, and Ryuko instantly spotted a pair of beast like ears and a tail that gave away her quirk.

She was a lion woman.

Despite those standouts, the greenette didn't have many other things that caught her eye. She wore a simple black tracksuit and her hands were shoved into her pockets while she somewhat hunched forward to talk down to Rumi. Normally Ryuko wouldn't have anything to worry about but what she saw locked her in place. The rabbit woman was staring straight down at the ground while she nervously rubbed at one of her arms with the other as her feet were pointed inwards and even her ears drooped. Everything about her body language was trying to curl in on itself, make her as small as possible, and Ryuko even thought that she spotted the older woman shake a bit.

She had never seen Rumi...wither.

The other woman she was talking too seemed to note the obvious distress on the rabbit hero's downcast face and a predatory flash crawled across her intent eyes but she appeared to relent despite the obvious pleasure dancing on her lips. Her expression then quickly morphed into a resigned and light frown while her own gaze dropped in mirror of Rumi's.

"Ya still got my number right?" Ryuko heard the lion woman wonder as she got closer. "Call me if ya ever wanna catch up," she informed, her voice dropping slightly, while Rumi gave a minute nod. "I didn't move either and I'm sure ya kept the spare," she followed but Ryuko cut in abruptly.

"Sorry I kept you waiting, senpai!" she called somewhat louder than needed and both women looked over to her.

Rumi only briefly acknowledged her, her eyes having turned downward once more after realizing who it was, and the lion woman held Ryuko's stare for a moment before stealing a glance over at Rumi.

"Ah, guess I held ya up too long," she noted, taking a step back. "Come on by some time," she told Rumi with a wave as she turned to walk off, "I'm always waiting for ya whenever ya need me."

The lion woman then simply left without another word, quietly disappearing amongst the people, but Rumi's tense body language still hadn't subsided nor had she yet to say a word of her own. Her behavior was so odd and not like her that Ryuko just couldn't help but try and snap her out of...whatever this was.

"Who was that?" she questioned, perhaps too forcefully, but she was unable to help her irritation with how the lion woman had acted earlier yet Rumi gave a tired grimace.

"She's...a friend," the rabbit woman managed to mumble out though Ryuko didn't believe it for a second but the look on her face said there was a lot to unpack so the dragon woman sighed.

"Let's get over to my place and you can tell me all about it," she offered, receiving a solemn nod, and the two heroines set out in silence.

It didn't take too long to get home and Ryuko let Rumi settle in first while she rummaged through her fridge for drinks. Heading over to where the older hero was lazily leaned on a couch, Ryuko tossed her a beer can that Rumi immediately cracked open and slammed back while she waited for the story behind this 'friend' of hers. The rabbit hero seemed to have some of her vigor back but there was an oddly distant look on her face as she stared at the wall ahead of her.

"Midoriya was my senpai back in high school, year older than me," Rumi began, her gaze still fixed straight ahead, and Ryuko intently listened while the older hero paused before releasing a sigh. "We dated a lil bit too but we broke things off once I graduated," she admitted half halfheartedly, taking a slow sip of remaining beer, and Ryuko did the same.

"I guess I'm not surprised with how she was acting," the blonde replied although she had been taken aback that the two had dated and Rumi shrugged.

"Just how she sounds," she remarked with an almost amused smirk brushing her lips. "She ain't bad," Rumi trailed off and Ryuko eyed her curiously.

"What's going on? You keep covering for her," she pointed out but her friend groaned and took another drink.

"I'm actually the one who broke her heart," Rumi revealed, a look of frustration appearing in her eyes at the admission, "and she still hasn't gotten over it." Ryuko certainly hadn't expected that but Rumi tapped a finger against the can in her hand. "Not sure she ever will, unfortunately," she whispered before leaning back into the furniture and staring at the ceiling as if she was reflecting. "I did something real bad to her."

Ryuko knew that Rumi wasn't someone to just take blame on herself or do things she regretted so whatever it was it had clearly been something that she couldn't forgive herself for. However, something clicked for Ryuko. She had only known personally for a few years now and because of that she hadn't known anything of the woman before then. She had assumed that she had always been the headstrong hero she knew, and maybe she had, but there was always a chance to make mistakes or for things to happen out of your control. This was something that had gone unresolved for a long time. It was a wound received before she was the Rabbit Hero: Miruko and instead was just a young girl named Usagiyama Rumi who was still figuring her life out. A wound that was being reopened again and again.

"She treated me well," Rumi recounted, a sad but fond look crossing her face, "always looking out for me, was fun and playful, wanted to do everything I could ever want," The other heroine's gaze was far away, as if they were trying to reach straight into the past. "She was into me for the longest time and I only agreed to date her to use her," she admitted.

Ryuko wanted to refute her, say that she wouldn't do that and that she was being too hard on herself, but she kept her lips shut. She simply didn't know the Rumi of the past and she didn't think that her friend wanted to hear words of comfort at the moment. The rabbit woman needed to reminisce, to layout her regrets and mistakes, and it was Ryuko's job to just listen.

"I think she knew," Rumi said suddenly, "or maybe she only figured it out later and pretended to be blind to it." She seemed certain that Midoriya had turned a blind eye and Ryuko felt confident that it made the rabbit woman feel worse. "God, you should have seen her face when I broke up with her but she still managed to send me off all nice," she mumbled tiredly, "didn't shout or anything but the look she gave me said it all." Rumi let an incredulous laugh leave her lips, "to think she didn't move either?" she wondered in disbelief.

Ryuko watched the thoughts play across her friend's face and the underlying emotions tried fighting to come to the surface first. Rumi looked at a loss for what she wanted to say as she processed the information but eventually she leaned back with conflict in her eyes.

"We had been living in her small and crappy apartment at the time with the only thing we'd splurged on being a nice bed," she remembered, the memories probably rushing back to her, "we'd lay there, talking about all sorts of things like where we were gonna live in the future and what we'd buy when we had the money." Rumi's voice began to raise slowly as she recalled more and more. "How she promised that even though I was the one who'd be a big name hero that she'd net a great job and take care of me," she said while taking an upright position. "Fuck, just...FUCK!" she angrily shouted, her empty hand now a fist that she pounded against her leg. "I messed her up so bad," she whispered, her voice quiet as her anger bled away, and Ryuko timidly fidgeted.

"What happened?" she calmly wondered and Rumi gave her a slow glance.

"I know your quirk is more the transforming type but I'm sure you feel it too, how your quirk fights against your thoughts," she explained as Ryuko nodded along, "us with mutant quirks are always dealing with the instinct instilled in us by them." The older hero took a moment, tapping a finger against her leg while her gaze slid away. "It was the hardest hurdle for me in being a hero," she spoke beneath her breath and Ryuko caught onto what she was getting at, "doing things when every part of me was yelling to back off."

"Rumi, are you scared of her?" the dragon woman questioned, unable to believe it, but the other woman solemnly nodded.

"I dated her to try and get rid of my fear," Rumi admitted, not able to face her, and the younger woman was at a loss for what to say.

"She's the one person I still can't help but be scared of," the rabbit hero continued with evident frustration. "I tried so many times to reconnect with her after I became a hero and had been in all sorts of crazy situations but I can't stop myself from feeling that instinctual terror when I'm around her," Rumi ground out angrily as if she was beating herself up. "Each time I met back up with her I'd get her hopes up only to crush them again and it's so wrong and unfair to her," she said while pulling her legs up to curl in on herself. "She was, is, always so good to me," Rumi murmured as she rested her cheek on her knees, "I think, I KNOW, I could love her but I just keep hurting her again and again."

Ryuko was simply too dumbfounded by this side of Rumi to respond but she didn't think the rabbit woman needed her to. Rumi just needed to let all of this off her chest and Ryuko watched as the anger flared once more.

"She should move on from me! Anyone can see that," she near yelled, "but I still don't want her to forget me." Rumi jaw clenched and she shut her eyes tight. "Dammit, that's just so selfish!" the rabbit woman chastised herself, "but that year and a half we were together, even through the fear, was the best time of my life." She sounded overwhelmed but took a deep breath. "I want all of that back, I want to live that again, but..."

Rumi held herself close and buried her face against her legs and Ryuko heard one last whisper leave her.

"Why can't we just let each other go?"

-break-

*Izumi POV*

Izumi had known from the start.

How could she not now that the girl she had shared a bed with didn't love her back?

How could she not know that Rumi was scared of her?

They both had animal mutation quirks so it wasn't hard to sense out the feelings of the other.

Yet Izumi tried to ignore it and just hope something could change, that one day they'd wake up and Rumi would love her instead, but the reality was that she'd always be terrified of her. When they'd first met, the sight of Rumi living strongly had blinded her with admiration that morphed into love and she wanted to live strongly as well right beside her. But that 'together' wasn't an option for them and suddenly neither of them could live strongly by themselves.

Izumi had robbed Rumi of the very thing that had first caused her to fall in love and now she was trapped in this horrid cycle.

Living alone in a rundown apartment cramped with trinkets and broken promises of their past while wondering why things had to be so wrong and unfair. Squirming in their, her, too large bed while touching herself to a memory as she was covered in tears and the sweat of her pain and lust.

Why couldn't she bring herself to let all of this go?

"I love you, I love you, I love you," she cried miserably, "love...love you..."

It hurt to say it, it hurt to love her when she wanted to curse Rumi for being so cruel to her, but the pain only spurred her burning body. Her jaw hurt as her teeth dug into her pillow, the case being stained with her uncontrollable tears, and her head was hot from the carnal pleasure coursing through her.

"Why won't you let me hate you?"

Notes and Stuff

What with the ideas in regards to mutant quirks affecting the person who has them I ended up here.

I'd imagine trying to constantly fight against your instincts could be a real problem for them and I also just wanted to write something on the more downer side while also involving Rumi in some way.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed and look forward to more updates from me!