I'm a little sad there isn't a lot of Conan the Adventurer fics out there. It had a good run and even ended on a movie. Oh well... Start the fic.

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Conan sat at the campfire prodding the coals with a stick. He had been on a lot of adventures but this was by far the strangest.

It involved portals, triangles, and of course snake men. He and practically all of his friends had been sucked into it but victory had been their's.

Of course this adventure came with new friends. The 'Pines Family'... A stranger batch of friends Conan feared yet to have met. Especially the 'Stan' person; he kept trying to get him to wear a shirt (despite the little girl's protests).

They had won, of course, so now was the time for celebration. A portal would open tomorrow morning to take Conan and his friends home. This celebration was what the locals of this universe called a 'Late Night Barbeque'.

There was to be cooked meats, drinks, and very much merry making. Conan had found himself a seat by the large bonfire that had been set up in the 'Mystery Shack's' backyard.

The small boy, Dipper he believed was the name, handed him a strange piece of food.

"Here. It's called a 'hamburger'. It's basically a sandwich."

"One with ham in it!"

"No, actually. It has beef in it. Cow."

"By Krumm! If there's no ham in the blasted thing then why call it that?!"

"I don't know. We just do."

Conan shrugged and took a bite. Wasn't the worst thing he ever ate.

"Thanks for not killing the manotaurs by the way."

"... Oh right! Those strange minotaurs obsessed with manliness! They were pressing their luck when I first met them. If you hadn't interfered I would have turned them all into steak dinners."

"If it were anyone else I would have doubt about that claim but after what I've seen you do today... Yeah, I probably saved them from you. So you and... at least 95% of your friends are pretty big and strong so I was wondering..."

"Oh Ho!" laughed Conan. "You wish to be strong like us. Well the best advice I can give for that would be to eat hardy and find some daily work that would give you actually physical resistance."

"Like punching snake men?"

"I was going to say like blacksmithing or sailing the high seas like Snag!"

"Right. Of course..."

Conan wasn't well known for his smarts but he wasn't as dumb as some people made him out to be either. Dipper wanted something else but wasn't sure how to ask.

Then, over at the snack table, Conan spotted another one of the children he had fought beside this day. The blonde, the one with one of the dumbest names for a girl Conan had ever heard of. Pacifica.

The one he had seen hanging around Dipper for most of the day. The barbarian finally put it together.

"You aren't looking for strength for your own purposes though are you?"

"What?"

"This has something to do with that whiney princess blonde that keeps hanging around you! Physical strength cannot fix something you believe is lacking in yourself. You like the lass."

Dipper sat down next to him.

"Is it that obvious?"

"There is nothing to be ashamed of! It is nature's way."

"Yeah, but I'm not even sure why I like her! She's a giant pain in the butt! She's 'less' snobbish now but that ego is so insufferable! I don't even understand why I like being with her!"

"Let me guess. She acts as if the whole world is beneath her. That everyone around her is lucky to be in her mere presence. That her beauty is with the goddesses and the political power her family has basically makes her the queen of the world. Does that sound familiar?"

"Yes! That sounds almost exactly like Pacifica!"

"I thought so. I've had experience not only with such a woman but being attracted to one as well."

"Really?"

"Aye. I was sent to rescue a maiden such as this once but after meeting her I thought I was more likely to throw her in a river!"

Dipper smiled a little. "I only thought about doing that to Pacifica a 'few' times."

Conan returned the smile. "For me, she was the princess of Vendhya. Her father promised me my own kingdom upon her rescue... but by Krumm if I had known how much of a pompous whiner she was I never would have agreed to the job!"

"Okay, that does sound a little like Pacifica."

"She was Princess Sarita, she was every annoying thing I thought she was, but she was also more too."

"What do you mean?"

"There was also a softer side to her as well. She cared for young ones and showed a loyalty to those important in her life that I still remember to this day."

"What happened to her?"

"Well eventually we returned her safely to her father, the emperor. However, instead of making me a king like he promised, he tried to back out of it by instead paying me with a bag of silver."

"That sounds like Pacifica's father, Preston."

"Most likely, they are of a kind. I told him off and, despite his daughter's protests, he had me imprisoned to be executed the following day."

"Well you're still with us so I'm guessing that didn't stick. How did you get out of it?"

"Princess Sarita. She came to visit me in the middle of the night with claims of delivering me a final meal. Under the cover for the tray was not food but a dagger for my escape. Even after I brought her home she was still loyal to me. I pretended to take her hostage and made my escape after a parting kiss."

"And you never saw her again?"

"No. I would just be arrested again. Outside of Jezmine, I had yet to feel such a connection to a woman. On occasion, my mind wanders to what life would have been like if things were different enough where we could have stayed together."

Conan looked wistfully at the stars for a moment before returning to Dipper.

"I trust this 'Preston' doesn't have the same level of authority as the emperor from my tale?"

"No. He was close enough for a while. They were rich, the keyword there is 'were'."

Conan smiled a smug grin at this news.

"Anyways, she was always the pompous rich brat around town. Just as bad as your princess. Then, through some adventures with her, I also found another side to her. Her bullying wasn't her fault... Well at least not all of it. I'm sure there was some where it was her idea..."

Conan, silently but supportively, encouraged Dipper to continue.

"Some of it was her being pressured by her parents. Disobedience would be punished with taking her allowance or cell phone away... Don't ask. After some adventures I saw that she wants to be different from her parents."

Conan nodded in approval, crossing his arms.

"And like I already said, I saw another side to her. One that is smart, creative, and confident. She's trying to be better, I've liked what she's shown me but... I've been down this path before and I don't think I can afford to have it blow up in my face again."

Conan nearly laughed.

"What? Are you worried that the lass doesn't like you back? An unnecessary concern!"

"You... really think so?"

"Boy, throughout this entire adventure she has gone through lengths to ensure that she is as close to you as possible. Everybody else noticed! And more importantly, she does so with a smile!"

Dipper blushed but Conan continued.

"As my grandpa used to say, girls with smiles have stories to tell! And based off of what you've said, it probably involves either you, your shared interests, or her growth based on your influence."

"Whoa! I... I don't know what to say! She really likes me?! But what if I do something to blow it up in my face again?! What if..."

Blast it all, boy! She WANTS to spend time with you! That should tell you everything you need to know!"

"... I... "

"Just BE with her like you both want and let the situation happen! She has much to tell you, and from her smile it's most likely a good thing!"

"I... Alright! I'm just going to go for it! Wish me luck!"

As Dipper ran off, Conan couldn't help but smile nostalgically.

"Ah. To be that young again."

The End.