"You know, Bittercup," Jack said as they crept through a ratty old maintenence tunnel, "I, uh, I have an actual name."
"Obviously," Bittercup said, and Jack could hear her roll her eyes.
"R-really?" Jack asked.
"Yeah," Bittercup said, coming up beside him. She brought a hand to his chin, and smiled some. "You never looked much like a Jack."
"I didn't mean to lie to you," Jack said earnestly.
"You did," Bittercup said flatly. "And it's whatever. People do a lot weirder things for weirder reasons." She paused, hummed, then asked, "It isn't for a weird reason, is it?"
"No," Jack said, blushing. "No. It just - I don't know. I don't feel like myself much anymore."
"Well, you are," Bittercup said.
Jack shook his head and sat down. Bittercup sat down next to him. Was it stupid? On reflection, yes, but they'd been in love. Or what felt like it.
"That guy in Megaton," Jack said. "It wasn't like, this dramatic thing. I followed him to the water purifier one night and found him trying to tamper with the water purifier. I pulled my gun on him, but he laughed. I was a terrible shot then, and he knew it. He dared me to shoot him" Jack looked into his lap. "He just laughed at me."
Bittercup put a hand on his shoulder. "You saved the town, Jackie."
"James," Jack said. "My actual names is James."
Bittercup kissed him. When she pulled back, she said, "Nice to meet you, Jamie."
"James," Jack said.
"Jamie," Bittercup said. "I'm giving you a new name."
"I-I already have one," Jack said.
"You said you don't really feel like yourself anymore," Bittercup said. "So here's a new you. Jamie, wasteland superhero."
Jack blushed even harder. "I'm not..."
"You tried to save Red," Bittercup said. "Super Mutants were going to overrun town when you came and saved us. You didn't ask for anything in return."
"Why would I?" Jack asked.
"See? That right there," Bittercup said. "I would've asked for something. But you didn't."
Jack opened his mouth to speak, but there were footsteps behind them. Footsteps coming fast. Jack shot up, pulled Bittercup to her feet, and kept a grip on her hand as they ran through the rest of the maintenance tunnel to a chorus of jeers.
"Tear 'im apart!" a man said.
"I'm gonna fuck you, Jamie," a woman said. "Right in front of your girlfriend!"
"Then we can eat both of yous!" the man laughed, and woman did, too.
Jack rammed into the exit door with the whole of his shoulder, sending it open with a bang that echoed up and down the metro station they emerged into. Jack jumped to the right and yanked Bittercup with him. He drew his silenced 10mm pistol and gave Bittercup a nod. She took out her knife.
"Oh Jamie," the woman crooned from the other side of the door. "Where are ya? Come 'ere."
"And Jamie's girlfriend," the man jeered. "Come over! We won't hurt you! Not at first!"
The man came barreling out of the door, and Jack shot him in the side of the head. The woman's footsteps came to a sudden stop.
"Billy!" she cried. "You fuckers! I'll kill you! Both of ya!"
She kicked the door open and threw a molotov cocktail, which Jack dropped his pistol to catch. He had all of one second to be impressed with himself before the other raider tackled him from behind. Jack's head hit the concrete. Jack groaned, dropping the cocktail, and the woman slammed his head into the floor hard enough to break it. She did it again and again, and until Bittercup peeled her off of him.
Jack just about regained his wits to find Bittercup holding the raider at knifepoint.
"Please," the raider said. "Please, I didn't mean it! I didn't mean nothin'!"
Bittercup glared, then she gasped. Jack got to his feet, collected his pistol, and aimed right between the raider's eyes as she blubbered. "I-I was only playin'! I'll go, just don't - please, no. Please."
"Jack..." Bittercup said with wide eyes. "...she's..."
Jack fired twice.
"She's pregnant!" Bittercup said, but the raider was already crumpling. Jack at last noticed her stomach, which made his drop.
He opened his mouth. He closed it. Susie was - no, she wasn't. Right? Oh, God, what if she was? Jack shut his eyes tight. He saw his dad's horror, his stepmother going pale, and Susie with a hand on her belly and tears in her eyes. Jack opened his eyes, and as the echo from his shot died down, the silence began to press into him. He realized he was still holding up his pistol, but found he couldn't lower it. He shut his eyes again as his arm trembled, and his legs began to feel like lead.
"Fuck," Bittercup practically dry-heaved. "Oh, fuck."
Jack opened his eyes. His eyes drifted between the raiders. There could easily be more. With all the noise the fight had made, who knew what else might be coming. More raiders, ghouls, Super Mutants, rabid dogs, massive rats. Every second they stayed here, they were only in more danger. He shut his eyes a final time as he sucked in an uneasy breath. He opened his eyes as he breathed out, slowly, and said:
"We need to go."
Bittercup refused to speak to him until they reached Rivet City. It was only after Jack broke down in front of Dr. Li that she embraced him again, and while it made both of them feel a little sick, when they found a stray dog outside the city, they decided to make it theirs.
("I don't want you to follow me," his father had said in his goodbye note.)
Jack shot up in his bed, heart pounding, dripping cold sweat. He looked around for Bittercup, then for Dogmeat, then for Murphy, before reality hit him.
None of them were here. None of them were here because he - he wasn't where he should've been. Not that Bittercup would or should have any more to do with him, of course. He put a hand to his head as it throbbed, and he shivered again. He missed Murphy. He missed Dogmeat. He missed Dad. He missed Susie most of all, though.
After Butch and his friends had jumped him, the concussion laid him out for two days, and the kicks and punches to his throat made speaking painful. Amata stayed when she could, but Susie stayed the most. They'd been hanging out more before then, having sleep overs, watching holovids and eating fancy lads' snack cakes well into the night. After the jumping, Jack got an apology from Butch and his friends, and a promise from his Uncle Allen that it would never happen again. Still, Jack didn't leave his room for days. Susie came by though, night after night, as they watched their way through the golden age of Hollywood's studio system. Then, one night...
"Don't let yourselves get caught," his stepmother told him a few days later, when he confessed. "Do you understand me, James?"
"I'm sorry," Jack said. Beatrice shook her head.
"She's your cousin." she said. "But have you been listening to me?"
"Don't..." Jack had said quietly. "... don't be afraid to do what you have to."
"You're a good kid, James," Beatrice had said. "A good kid."
What would she think of him now?
Jack shook his head. It didn't matter so much anymore, did it? Now he was here, where he certainly wouldn't be able talk to her. He apologized to the air, barely, then dragged himself out of bed. He was still wearing yesterday's clothes: Alliance-branded hoodie and nondescript black sweatpants. Jack traded in the black sweatpants for another pair of black sweatpants, because - consistency, or whatever - and a gray hoodie that he recognized but, in his hangover, he didn't truly think about when putting it on. What he recognized when he wore it, however, was how warm and comforting it was. Familiar.
"Who cares?" Jack said to himself, throwing the dirty clothes into the hamper, which tipped over and spilled into the corner. Jack rubbed his temples before putting it all back in, sighing, and taking the hamper by its handles.
His day off, and he'd spend it doing laundry. Now that was something he understood, that actually didn't have any bad memories attached to it. Then Jack paused, frowned, and corrected himself. Not too many bad memories.
Jack dragged the hamper behind him like a child's wagon, occasionally collecting socks or shirts that fell out, numb to the stares he was getting from the rest of the crew. He got all the way to the laundry room without anyone hassling him, but right after he had stuffed all of his clothes into one washer (yes, he knew you weren't supposed to do that, but whatever), he turned around to face Tali.
Her hand was on her hips, and her head was cocked to the side. She asked, "What's that symbol on your jacket?"
"This is a hoodie," Jack said. He looked down, and his chest tightened. It was the Brotherhood of Steel symbol. Now, of course, he remembered why it was so familiar. He looked back up and said, "It's, um, a band."
Tali hummed. "A band?"
"Yeah," Jack said. "The - The Ink Spots."
"The Ink Spots?" Tali said, unconvinced. "I'll look them up."
Jack flushed. He looked her up and down, shamelessly, then looked away. Where was his goddamn head?
Jack rushed out of the room, and he heard Tali typing away at her Omni-tool as he did. He scrambled back to his quarters and changed into a nondescript green-gray hoodie instead. He also, finally, clocked that he had strewn his photos all across his desk, for anyone to see if they came in. For Shepard to see if she came in. Jack shoved them all into a desk drawer, curling corners on some of them, which hurt, but it was what it was.
For a time he just sat on his bed, frozen. He couldn't leave. Well, he could, but after Tali saw him with that - and she was suspicious enough of him as it was - fuck, fuck. Jack groaned to himself.
He only left his room again to move his laundry over to the dryers, and thank fuck, Tali didn't show up. Was it her day off? Why had she been in the laundry room at all? Had she followed him? Why hadn't he noticed her sooner?
"Fuck you, Dad," Jack said under his breath. If only Shepard had needed him to kill Geth for the whole of yesterday, then he could've just collapsed bonelessly into bed. But no, he had time to feel sorry for himself and get drunk.
Pathetic, Jack thought bitterly.
He passed the rest of the morning scrolling through adoption lists for dogs on Omega - not Varren, actual Earth dogs - but it only made him more miserable. He took out his photos of Murphy again, one of them outside the fallen tower where the Liberty Bell had once been, long-since missing. Still, the sight was worth seeing, and Jack was glad he made the trip. He remembered deciding, as Murphy gleefully picked at the remains of a dead raider in a nearby alley, that he was going west. Before his dad died, he talked about his actual home vault, Vault 21. Jack knew that if he was too much of a coward to just lay over and die, he needed to give himself a goal. So: Vault 21 or bust. Whether or not this counted as going bust? A good question Jack did not have a good answer to.
Jack ate whatever Gardener made for lunch that day alone, until Miranda glided over and sat down across from him.
She sniffed, then said, "You smell like scotch."
"How do you know that?" Jack asked. Then he quickly said, "Y'know what? I don't really want to know."
"We've just docked at Omega," Miranda said. "But more importantly, that substance in your, ah, 'grenade' on Haestrom - we've finally synthesized it."
"I mean, it's soda," Jack said.
"Soda with strontium-90," Miranda said. "And we've arranged a drop for it."
"Sounds good," Jack said. "By the way, would it be possible for you to draw up some forms so Mordin can experiment on me?"
Miranda raised her eyebrows. "Do I want to know why?"
"The collector swarms," Jack said. "He needs some way to combat them. I told him he could test on me."
Miranda sighed. "You know, if you hadn't killed our previous candidate, it would make understanding you far easier."
"I'm a man of mystery," Jack grinned.
"Obviously," Miranda said, unimpressed. "But if you want to volunteer, I'll see what I can do. I can probably get some of the crew to volunteer as well."
"A control group, and then me," Jack said. "Sounds like fun."
"So long as it doesn't compromise your capabilities on the ground," Miranda said.
"I once got shot through shoulder," Jack said. "and fell down a twenty-stair escalator. I still got myself to cover. I'll be fine."
"Those aren't remotely comparable," Miranda said. "But alright."
Jack grinned wider. "Now we're talking."
After his laundry was done and in a haphazard pile on his bed, Jack decided that he might as well get of the Normandy for the night. Explore the town, maybe get blown in an alley. It's not like there were any cops around to charge him with public indecency, were there? So, in the interest of his illustrious goal, he put on his nicest sweatshirt, a pair of sweatpants that could pass for a pair of khakis, put one shank made of out of a plastic spoon up one sleeve, and a shiv made out of a plastic knife up the other.
He ran into Zaeed as he left, who regarded him with wry amusement.
"You smell like booze," he said.
"I showered," Jack said. "Did I really drink that much last night?"
"Certainly seems like it," Zaeed said. "Where are you headed looking like that?"
"To get laid." Jack answered simply.
Zaeed barked out a laugh. "Not in that you're not."
Jack asked, "What are you doing tonight, huh?"
"Spending it at the range," Zaeed said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Like a proper man. By the way, I heard about that explosion you caused on Haestrom." Zaeed poked Jack in the chest. "You're showing me how to make that bomb, kid."
Jack regarded Zaeed for a moment, then shrugged. He'd given the formula for Nuka-Cola Quantum to Cerberus anyway, so what was one more amoral person getting their hands on it? At least Zaeed wasn't Cerberus.
"Visit me in the armory," Jack said. "Just don't tell Shepard."
"You're a good sport," Zaeed said, clapping him on the shoulder hard. "Now go be young and stupid."
Jack shook his head, smiling, and spent the next hour just walking the streets of Omega. He put on a pair of headphones, although he kept one ear off, listening to The Ink Spots.
("I love coffee, I love tea," Jack hummed to himself. "I love the java jive, and it loves me.")
Eventually, he was at some sleazy bar at some sleazy night club, drinking ryncol.
"You're sure you want it?" The Turian bartender asked.
"Does your pimp want my money or not?" Jack asked back. The bartender poured him some ryncol, and then some more. Jack cut himself off at three shots - he wasn't that hungover - and as he got up, he bumped into a Vorcha.
The Vorcha said something that even Jack's translator struggled with. Then he shoved Jack, which was eminently understandable. Jack answered the shove by flowing around the Vorcha and slamming his head into the bar until the glass cracked. That got him kicked out of the bar, naturally, but Jack didn't mind so much. He felt invigorated, and as he was leaving, he was approached by an Asari with blue skin and dark eyes.
"What are you wearing?" she asked. She herself was wearing some kind of black jumpsuit, or at least Jack thought that's what it was. The fashion of this place didn't make sense to him.
"A sweater," Jack said.
"It's some human thing, isn't it?" the Asari asked.
"Yeah," Jack said.
"I've seen cuter," the Asari said, putting a hand on his arm. It rapidly climbed up to touch his neck. "But I suppose it works."
Jack shivered at her touch. The Asari gave him a feline smile. "What you did to that Vorcha... who taught you to do it?"
Jack gently removed her hand from his neck as he said, "My uncle."
The Asari hummed. "My name is Mornith."
"Jack."
"Jack," Morinth seemed to roll the word over her tongue. "Is that your real name?"
Alright, Jack was still a little drunk. A little. "No."
"I can respect that." Mornith said. "Walk with me?"
"Sure."
By the end of the night, Morinth had dragged him to a five more night clubs and three more fights, but never ones he started himself. Jack knew he was being young and dumb, trying to impress her by punching out drunks, but it seemed to work. His knuckles were sore and bloodied as she escorted him into her apartment, but that didn't matter so much to him. Mornith kissed him, bit him, left hickies in very, very obvious places, well into the night.
She kept trying to get him to drink, and Jack almost gave in, but eventually he had to call it.
"I have work tomorrow," he said, looking at his omni-tool and finding out it was 3 AM.
"Mercenary work?" Morinth asked.
"Yeah," Jack said. "You could say that."
"Which company?" she asked.
Jack knew he wasn't drunk, he knew that, but he still felt lightheaded. Lightheaded enough to answer, "A ship called the Normandy."
Morinth was quiet, then she grinned. "Don't tell me."
"Yeah," Jack said, even though he knew he shouldn't. "That's why I have to go."
"Don't let me stand in the way," Morinth said. "But here." she grabbed his wrist and rapidly typed into his omni-tool. "My contact. Call me sometime."
Jack looked at her, then grabbed her face and kissed her. "Yes ma'am."
"Walk you home?" Morinth asked.
Jack nodded eagerly, grinning like an idiot.
But every high in his life, as always, came with some rain. The next day, while working in the armory, he turned around to find not Zaeed, but Tali.
"The Ink Spots is a band from the 1930s," she said flatly. "And I know what you did to Kal."
Jack had been about to record a vid-message for Morinth, but here he was. He narrowed his eyes and said, "I saved his life."
"I want to see what you gave him," Tali said.
"No."
"Kal didn't recognize it, and you refused to say where you got it." Tali said.
"I made it myself," Jack said.
"So you're a doctor?" Tali asked.
"My Dad was," Jack said. "I was his assistant for years. Well, assistant to his assistant."
"High qualifications," Tali said dryly.
"I saved your guy," Jack said. "Why do you even care?"
"I know the limits of medi-gel," Tali said. "What you used wasn't medi-gel. So what was it? Some experimental Cerberus thing?"
Jack couldn't help himself: he laughed. Oh, if only she knew.
"What's funny?" Tali demanded. "You know about Quarian immune systems, don't you? A single kiss could kill me."
"Really?" Jack asked, genuinely surprised.
"Yes," Tali said.
"Man," Jack said. "No wonder you're all so miserable."
"Listen, bosh'tet," Tali stalked forward, glaring, "I don't know who you are. None of us do."
"You don't trust me," Jack said. "Wish I could say the same."
Tali blinked. "What?"
"You're a good person," Jack said simply.
"I... thank you?"
"Look," Jack sighed. "My head hurts, I'm still a little hung over, and we have a mission coming up."
"On Illium. I know." Tali said.
"Yeah," Jack said. "So just drop it, please? It doesn't matter. I don't even have that many stimpaks left anyways."
"Stimpak?" Tali asked.
Fuck.
"You weren't supposed to say that, were you?" Tali cocked her head to the side. Jack could hear her grinning.
"Just... leave me alone," Jack said, flushing. "Or I'll tell Shepard."
This time Tali laughed, and Jack flushed a little harder. Fuck her and her accent.
"Okay," She said, amused. "But I can wait. You'll slip up again, Mr. One-oh-One."
Jack's eyes widened in horror.
"How the fuck do you know that?" he asked in complete shock.
"You..." Tali peered at him. "... you don't remember what happened that night, do you?"
Jack looked away, his heart pounding in his ears. He shut his eyes tight. He swallowed. When he'd recovered himself, he looked back to Tali and said coldly, "Get the fuck out of my armory."
But Tali's was still peering at him. Studying him. What had she seen? Oh, god, the photos. They'd been all over his desk! Stupid, stupid, stupid.
"Okay," Tali eventually said. "I... I didn't mean to upset you."
"Get. Out."
Tali left, and Jack turned away from her, trying to get his bearings back. He'd never been that good at lying, he knew that, but he thought he'd be better than this. Then again, how was he supposed to pretend that he wasn't - that he was - Jack ran hand down his face, and all but collapsed onto his workbench, burying his head in his arms.
So, yeah. That flashback happened.
I'm going to warn you here: Jack's backstory isn't getting brighter. If it's making you uncomfortable, I understand. It's meant to. If it makes you too uncomfortable, of course, then this story might not be for you and that's okay.
Anyways, it's been nice to write this. A fic like this is something I've wanted to write ever since I played first played Fallout 3, and now I finally have it in me to write it. I'm hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I very much intend for more to come.
:)