When Kankurou finally gets pushed into the room by a nurse an hour later, he looks even paler than he did the last time around.

Some other details on his face strike Kiba under the white hospital lightning: the dark bags under his eyes, the depth of his collarbones, the slight change in the sharpness of his features. He's lost weight, he realizes, he's been sick for a while already and he can't stop his stomach from twisting in his chest wondering for how long?

Kankurou winces in pain when he's transferred back into his bed.

The silence settling between them when the nurse leaves feels nothing like the one they shared before. It's tense, sad, and the way Kankurou's expression has closed builds up a dreadful pit in Kiba's gut.

"I don't wanna talk about it," Kankurou says as if sensing Kiba about to ask what the doctor said to make him so gloomy.

Kiba shivers, feeling cold all of a sudden.

"I should know more about my prognosis in the next three days. I'll text you in the group chat to tell you how long I'm out of rehearsal. You can go home now."

He knows he should feel empathetic about whatever Kankurou's going through but he can't help being mostly hurt and angry.

"Is that why you think I'm here? Because I'm worried about band practice?"

The calm demeanour Kankurou has tried wearing since he got back starts cracking.

"I don't know why you're here Kiba. I don't fucking know, but I surely haven't asked you to be."

The words are spat out more than said.

"I said it before, because I care about you."

A shiver crosses the other man's upper lips, like that of a dog about to bite.

"I can take care of myself," he barks through gritted teeth and all his pent-up pain and shame disguised as aggression is too much to handle and too painful to witness.

Kiba can't help but think about the way his body fell lifeless on the floor mere hours ago, about the burning hot fever of his skin, about the gut-twisting smell of blood and puke filling up his apartment.

"No, you can't!" he shouts before he can hold it in, his voice echoing in the mostly empty room.

The silence is deafening, like the one after an explosion, and Kankurou looks at him with at least as much rage as he's got searing in his gut himself

"You take that back."

The coldness of his tone is way more threatening than any raise of his voice but there's no way Kiba is going to give up ground now.

"Were you about to call an ambulance when I showed up at your place?"

The only answer he gets is the trembling in Kankurou's face when he clenches his jaw tighter.

"Yeah, I thought so. You know what? Fuck you! Stop acting like I'm wrong for being scared as hell. I found you bleeding all over your apartment and fucking passing out on the floor, and you weren't even thinking about asking for help. You could have fucking died, right here and there, and we wouldn't have known for days. So, no, very obviously you can't take care of yourself. I'll give you space because you clearly have shit to sort out but I'm not leaving that fucking hospital until you quit being a coward and tell someone else to come over. If you want to hate me from now on because I care about you staying alive, go on, but I'm not backing off."

The door slams shut and his phone buzzes on the nightstand before he gets the time to enjoy the silence of a Kiba-free room. He lets out a sigh of agony and raises a hand to grab it.

It's Temari. Of all people that could call him on a Saturday night, it's fucking Temari.

He hangs off. It's easier to lie by text and he doesn't exactly feel like talking.

[21:34] Kankurou: Can't pick up sorry, what's up?

The air around him shivers. He closes his eyes and bites the inside of his cheeks. No one today is going to let him lie in peace, are they?

[21:34] Temari: You banging?

[21:35] Kankurou: Why would you say that

[21:35] Temari: I just don't see anything else worth choosing over talking to your favourite sister

[21:36] Kankurou: You know I have a job and friends, right?

[21:37] Temari: I've heard of that theory

[21:37] Kankurou: Fuck you Tems

He's really not in the mood for a playful fight but he knows she'd get suspicious if he doesn't answer her teasing.

[21:38] Temari: I love you too lil bro

[21:38] Temari: Anyway, my last work mission finished early so I just got off the plane. I thought maybe you'd be up for drinks tonight, but we can meet another time if you're busy

[21:39] Kankurou: Yeah sorry, I probably won't have any free time for you this week, I hope we can catch up later

The hissing intensifies around him, tickling his skin with static.

"I'm already half dead and doctors might apparently start stealing my organs anytime soon so you're going to need more than that to impress me, buddy."

He should probably know better by now than to play pretend with visions that exist precisely to have a better access to his own emotions than he has. It's not a game one can win. But what can he say? He's a bit stubborn.

Of course, he knows they're right. Of course, he should tell Temari. Of course, he should let Kiba and his fucking cute frown face in. But then he won't be able to deny this is happening.

[21:43] Kankurou: Text Gaara. I had to bail on him yesterday, I'm sure he'd be happy to see you

"I just need this not to be real a little longer, ok?"

There's a slight purr echoing in the room. He's on parole and this won't last long, but it seems like he can get away with that for now.

[22:03] Shino: How is the wooing going?

[22:03] Kiba: …

[22:04] Shino: Oh no

[22:04] Shino: What have you done

[22:05] Kiba: I may have told him to fuck off and slammed the door to go weep on the floor in the hallway

[22:05] Shino: How are you so bad at flirting

[22:05] Kiba: I don't know!

[22:06] Shino: Even I know you should not insult someone to seduce them

[22:06] Kiba: But he's an idiot!

[22:07] Shino: I know, I just thought you two would bond over that

[22:07] Kiba: I guess we're two different kinds of idiots

He snorts and wipes his nose on his sleeve. The nurse walking next to him into Kankurou's room gives him a concerned look but carries on with her job without question.

[22:12] Shino: You wanna tell me what happened?

[22:13] Kiba: I don't know

[22:14] Kiba: I don't know how bad whatever this is is, it scares the shit out of me, and he won't tell me anything

[22:14] Kiba: Neither Temari nor Gaara have passed by yet, I don't think he told them he's at the hospital

[22:15] Kiba: How can he do that to them? To us? I'm so mad!

[22:16] Kiba: Never in a million years would I have wanted you or Hana not to be here when I was sick, it's fucked up!

[22:17] Shino: But you chose to have surgery

[22:18] Kiba: I didn't choose bleeding out for years and having to have my uterus removed

[22:18] Shino: No, but I didn't call an ambulance on you to do it

[22:19] Kiba: Are you saying I'm the bad guy here? What should have I done? Let him die?

[22:19] Shino: I'm not saying that, what you did was probably right, but that doesn't change how brutal it is not to get any say in what's happening to you

[22:20] Kiba: But then why won't he let me or anyone else support him?!

[22:21] Shino: I don't know Kiba. Have you tried asking him?

He sighs.

[22:23] Shino: You haven't, have you?

Maybe Shino is right. Maybe he's an idiot.

"The infusion will last around two hours," the nurse explains while plugging the bag into the IV port on his hand. "I will stay in the room for the first fifteen minutes in case you get any major reaction to the drug, and if everything is fine by then I'll leave and come back at the end of it."

He nods.

It's not the first time he's having a catheter, but it's not something he seems to get used to. It's weird enough having a body, hard enough, without foreign intrusion.

The vivid awareness that he's being invaded by people and machines makes him want to crawl out of his own skin.

The first thing he notices is the burning, like liquid fire is being put into his veins, drip by drip.

Then his skin starts melting.

It's just unsettling at the beginning. It feels like his hand is too squishy or loose. He wiggles his finger around, trying not to look at it - he knows it will make it worse, hoping the sensation of movement and the brushing of the sheets against it will distract him enough. And it works, for a moment, but then it gets worse, uncanny in a way that makes him retch. He feels the ache of the cold air on his emaciated bones, and the flabby and wet slosh of detached flesh falling on his lap and there's nothing he can do but stare at his hand while it decomposes before his eyes.

"Is everything alright?"

His distress must be somewhat evident if the worried look on the nurse's face is anything to go by. It also makes him realise he's forgotten to breathe.

He tries to take a big inspiration but it's shaky and his chest feels constricted, like he's being choked.

No one in their right mind would describe Kankurou as shy. Many would probably even consider him outgoing. And it's true, in a sense. He's not afraid to be loud, he's not afraid of new people, he's not afraid of being seen, on a superficial level, at least, and he's mostly good at all of that.

It has been an interesting thing, reconnecting with Gaara this past year, like looking into an inversed mirror of his own character. Although his little brother is evidently reserved and distressed by many aspects of socialization, Kankurou has also had the surprise to witness how bold he could be out of it.

Gaara asks the hard questions, answers them, doesn't let go. To Kankurou, this requires way more guts than performing on stage or showing up unprompted at the workshop of one of the most talented and feared puppet crafters in the country to ask for an apprenticeship.

Kankurou doesn't ask anything, and he certainly doesn't answer. He weaves in and out like a slippery fish, betting that he will swim fast enough not to be caught by whatever threatens to gut him open.

"Yes. Sorry. I'm just a bit squeamish about the tubes and stuff," he lies.

It feels like a safer answer than No, I'm full-blown psychotic and I feel the decaying of my own body so vividly I'm really considering ripping my arm off to stop it from spreading to the rest of me.

The nurse nods. It must have been convincing enough.

"It's not always easy when you're not used to it. How are you feeling besides that?"

He clenches his hand around his right forearm, trying to stop the feeling of his muscle from falling apart long enough to make a credible answer.

"It's okay."

She nods again.

"Good. I'll leave you be, but do not hesitate to call me with the remote if you feel any new symptoms or discomfort."

He tries to contain a mirthless chuckle.

He's been way past discomfort for days at this point. His arm is melting, his organs are rotting, the doctors are out there ready to cut him open and all of those feelings happily bathe in a sticky puddle of guilt and shame in his throat. It's going to be hard to notice something as insignificant as discomfort.

"I will."

[22:31] Kankurou: Are you still here?

Kiba blinks a few times, definitely not expecting Kankurou to text him any time soon.

[22:31] Kiba: Yes

[22:32] Kankurou: Wanna come in?

[22:32] Kiba: I mean, it sounds better than sleeping on the floor by your door

[22:33] Kankurou: You're fucked up dude

[22:34] Kankurou: Haul your ass in there

Kiba stumbles when jumping on his feet, legs numb from staying still for the past hour.

It feels like he should probably hurry before the other man changes his mind.

He takes a big inspiration before cracking the door open.

"Come in I'm not going to hit you," Kankurou growls from his bed. He laughs for a second before it turns into a grunt of pain. "Just to be clear, I probably would if I could, but I can't, so you're safe."

There's the slightest smile on his face, but it's not fully enough to reassure Kiba when everything else screams how bad Kankurou's current state is: clenched jaw, tensed forehead, sweaty skin, left hand gripping his arm so hard the nails are breaking into the skin. He's distressed. Evidently so.

"You're one headstrong asshole, aren't you?" Kankurou says with a semi-convincing grin.

Kiba opts for laughing.

"Like you're one to talk," he answers, leaning against the wall facing Kankurou's bed. "Did you make me come here just so you could lash out at me?"

(Not that he will necessarily leave if the answer is yes, but just to know what exactly to expect.)

"Something like that. I figured if you weren't going leave anyway, I could use the distraction."

It's usually easy for Kiba to pick up fake fights with his friends, Kankurou being pretty good at it himself, but at the moment he's so obviously failing at covering the agony he's in that it's hard to play along.

As if on cue, Kankurou's half-assed cocky smile disappears, his eyes drifting to stare somewhere in the void behind Kiba. He's incredibly still except for the tremor in his hands and Kiba thinks maybe it was less scary to see him frown and whine.

"Hey."

Kankurou blinks like he's coming back to his senses.

"Sorry."

"Do I need to call a nurse?"

"No! I'm- No. I'm just tired," he says, stretching his hand.

That one's obviously a lie, but Kiba figures if the hospital staff let him there alone, it probably means he can survive without active monitoring for now.

"Don't you have a dog to feed?" is somehow the next thing Kankurou decides to say.

"Are you trying to get rid of me again?"

"No, I'm trying to make you talk about literally anything so I don't rip this catheter off."

It doesn't sound like an understatement.

"It's painful?"

Kankurou's breathing gets heavier.

"It's not distracting if you're asking me about it. Talk to me about your stupid dog. Or anything else that is not hospital stuff."

He sounds angry, but then when he speaks again it's way more broken. Painfully so.

"Please."

So Kiba talks. About Akamaru being at home with Shino and that the two of them are quite used to one another already because Kiba and Shino have been dating for, wow, eight years already, and he hadn't realized it had been this long, but anyway, Hinata is also there because Shino has a hard time functioning alone, and they're having a movie night, and the whole time Kankurou just stares at him like he's the only thing keeping him sane right now, expression getting softer and softer and Kiba starts struggling to keep up with his story because fuck he's so pretty, even like that, pale and tired but smiling a little, and luckily at some point Kankurou doses off, so Kiba stops talking, and he just stays here, watching until he's sure Kankurou is well asleep.

Only when he hears Kankurou's breathing finally settling does he move to curl up against the wall in a corner of the room. There's no saying how much time he's got before shit happens again, so he should probably get some rest of his own, too.

Hopefully, things will look better tomorrow.