Silence spreads for an uncertain amount of time in the room once Kankurou's done explaining the doctor's update, until Gaara is surprisingly the one to break it.

"So, what is your plan now?"

Considering the two options there are bleeding out in pain or getting cut open by unknown doctors the answer is not a fully easy one to give. If it had only been about him, he might have made a different choice, but it's not, the exchange with his siblings earlier has made that quite evident if there was any need to, and he knows which of the two scenarios holds the higher death risk.

"I think I'm going to go through with the surgery today. I just- I wanted to talk to you two before I made a decision."

He barely gets the time to say the words out loud before his hallucinations start rearing up again, the air glitching in front of him in a crackling sound of fire and electricity.

He's not sure what exactly his external reaction to his rambling brain has been, but Gaara is frowning, and Temari's gaze is set on him with a subtle but worried tint that makes it very clear that she knows, so, evidently, there's been one.

As much as he doesn't want to say a word about it, it's becoming increasingly obvious that none of this is going to get any less pervasive anytime soon, especially not if he carries on with the surgery, and he might not be getting a chance to hide it nor name it when he'll wake up tonight.

("If you wake up." is what the current agitation of the shadows implies.)

"Gaara, can I talk to you about something?"

"Of course."

He stays silent for a few seconds, taking a quick glance at Temari for moral support. She's slightly arching a brow at him, probably surprised that the conversation would go there (rightfully so, it wouldn't have if he wasn't somewhat cornered into it), but most likely in a good way.

Fuck, is that shit hard to talk about.

He sighs.

"I'm psychotic. I have been for a good fifteen years," he pauses. "I'm not used to talking about it and I'm not sure what to say, but Temari knows, and I thought it would be fair for you to know too."

Not that he exactly chose to tell Temari either, she just happened to be there at all times when it started, when he yet had to get some sense of what the fuck was happening to him and, more importantly, of how he could mask it enough to go by without questions. He suspects his father had noticed the drift in his behaviour too at the time, and done the math to come to the same conclusion, but maybe the way his attitude towards him had shifted over the years was actually just the result of Kankurou growing up and Rasa growing more bitter. It doesn't really matter anyway now, whatever his father thought of him is well dead and buried (except for the parts he said out loud and that would probably live engraved in his brain for another good while).

There's a moment of silence and stillness, unbearably long, before Gaara nods, his eyes wandering around for a little moment, as they often do when he's thinking about the way to word something.

"Would you be okay explaining what that means to you?" he eventually asks.

It's not the easiest question to answer, but far from the worst reaction to be witnessing either. He takes it.

"It mostly works as a very brutal and dysfunctional defence mechanism for me," he first states, trying to find the right approach to express something that, at its core, is made to take place where words and conventional thought structures have failed to survive and protect him. "Like for example, every time I take what my brain would consider being a bad decision, I will get hallucinations of being zapped or hissed at or of the walls getting covered in blood, shit like that."

"That sounds unpleasant."

Kankurou nods.

"It is. But it's also sometimes useful. Like when it bullies me into telling you both the truth."

A cocky laugh comes from under the bed, and he has to refrain from rolling his eyes.

Yeah, I know.

"I'm also telling you about it because although it is right a good chunk of the time, it's also sometimes disproportionate or misleading, and it has been made crystal clear already that my psychosis is very much not on board with the whole 'getting cut open' adventure."

Hissing again. He catches Gaara following his gaze to where the sound is coming from like he somehow expected to see it himself.

"I know it's the right thing to do, because I don't want to put any of you, and I guess maybe me, through more pain and worrying if I can put a stop to it, and I suppose I can't afford the risk of waiting to see how bad it can get."

There's something heavy and dense in the look he exchanges with Temari, still standing in silence, arms crossed next to Gaara. She obviously understands very well how their previous talk of the morning is weighing in his decision, but she's not going to let out anything more than "No, indeed, you can't." until it's clear enough that his mind is set. Sometimes he finds himself wondering how much his psychosis took inspiration from her for its blunt "Don't fucking mess with me, you'll lose." attitude.

He looks back to Gaara.

"But I also know my brain is going to give me fucking hell about it for a length of time and in an intensity that I can't really anticipate."

He pauses.

"I'm not going to tell the others. I can't." Too hard too shameful too scary. "But as much as I hate to come to this, I think it's good that I have a few people around that know and maybe can be of help if things get too rough for me."

Gaara nods. Temari bursts into loud laughter.

He freezes.

"What's so funny?"

Something has changed in her attitude that he can't really pinpoint yet. It's not less intense, not less massive nor imposing, but it's moving and relaxed everywhere it was still and firm a few seconds ago.

"Do you fucking hear yourself?" she eventually asks. "Are you really telling us 'Oh I'm so sorry I might need a little moral support when undergoing an emergency and life-changing massive surgery'? Um, yeah, duh, you might."

Her face softens a little.

"I'm not mad at you Kankurou." She pauses. "Okay, no, yeah, I am. I am mad you'd let yourself bleed out and risk your health and your life, and I care about you too much to endorse that kind of bullshit. But I get it. We haven't exactly been raised with emotional vulnerability as a ground value, for sure, and it sucks, and it's hard to let go, I get it, I really do. However, I like to think that we did grow up with mutual support as the core of our relationship. I'll always have your back, you didn't even need to ask. I'm here and Gaara's here because we want to be. You don't have to hate asking for our support, we want to give it to you, just take it."

"I will. That's what I just said. You just can't force me to be happy about it."

Her head tilts with a smirk

"Or can I?"

Kiba is welcomed home by a mountain of white fur and a large wet pink tongue over his face when he gets back to the apartment.

"Hey, buddy! I missed you too," he exclaims, getting down on his knees by the door to bury his face into Akamaru's thick hair for a minute, bathing in its warmth and familiar feeling and both hands petting his neck, before eventually standing back up to get inside, the dog happily walking next to him, waggy tail hitting the back of his leg in its movement.

Only then does he pick up on the fucking mess the living room is in.

Every kitchen cabinet is open and half-empty, content somehow sorted out on the countertop, and piles of books and clothes are scattered across the floor and couch in a disposition that absolutely does not look thought out. Hinata's head peeks out of the bedroom, seemingly not being able to get more than that through the door frame.

"Hi, Kiba! Shino and I decided to get some work done on the boxes."

"Yeah, I see that." He steps over a bag of bed sheets, making an attempt at crossing the room without stepping on anything. It's a wonder Akamaru didn't destroy half of their job reaching for the door. "Will you need us to help at your place this week?"

She shakes her head.

"I don't think so. I'm mostly just packing clothes and books. It's not like I'm going to take my father's tableware with me. You guys have much more work on your hands. Did you know half of the stuff in your kitchen is expired?"

He shakes his head.

"I didn't but I can't say I'm surprised."

God this place is going to be hell to clean up.

She's about to get back into the room when her face suddenly opens in realization.

"Oh! I also meant to ask: were you able to confirm we can have Hana's van for Saturday?"

Shit. All those hospital adventures almost made him forget how close their moving-out date was.

"I'm going to text her right now before I forget and take a shower. Is Shino busy?"

"They're finishing updating the spreadsheet with the box numbers and content. They will probably be more available once they're done, but you can say hi."

Kiba nods.

"No worries, we'll catch up later."

"I'll do it."

Tsunade arches an eyebrow with a smirk. Around them, the shadows keep getting thicker and louder, whispers, shrieking, and glitching sounds trying to cover her voice, long tentacles and hands going to curl around his legs and arms and throat and face and it's becoming increasingly hard to focus on whatever she has to say to him.

It's really not that often that his hallucinations get this vivid and pervasive and the thought that it is most likely only going to get worse until he's some level of recovered tightens the knot of anxiety in his chest.

"That was a quick decision," she notes, and it sounds more like surprise than judgment.

He shrugs.

"You said it. I've been bleeding for three days and the risk that it's going to get seriously bad, well, seriously worse, is only increasing the longer I wait."

He pauses for a second. The air feels thick on his lips, like it's eager to go down his throat and choke him if he dares to speak again.

"I have people I care about and that care about me. I can't afford that kind of frivolity," he still manages to say.

"Are you doing this for them or for you?"

It sounds important in the way she says it, but it shouldn't matter. It is what it is.

"You and I both know damn well how fucking incapable I am of doing anything for myself."

She chuckles.

"I suppose we do," she admits. "But, although again, it is the decision I support as well, I still think you shouldn't be pressured into it. It's your body, your health, your recovery. It's your choice to make, not your siblings'. I want to make sure you know that."

He'd like to explain that it's not that simple, that Temari and he didn't survive that far by taking their own decision independently of each other, and that a "This is your life and you don't owe anyone anything." mindset simply does not function past a certain level of danger and grief. At some point, going in alone just isn't an option anymore, and however much he tried to pretend they didn't when this flare-up started, he does actually know better than to think his sister and he could ever really function independently.

"I do," he says instead.

[13:23] Kiba: Hey sis, sorry to ask so late but can I take the van on Saturday for our move?

He throws his phone on the bathroom counter and starts taking his clothes off while waiting for an answer.

How the fuck do laundry baskets get so full so quickly?

[13:26] Hana: Wow I hadn't realized it was this week already!

[13:26] Kiba: Yeah me neither lmao

[13:27] Kiba: I've had a hell of a weekend, I'll tell you about it tomorrow at the clinic

[13:27] Kiba: I haven't really even started doing my boxes

[13:28] Hana: Well good luck with that

[13:29] Hana: But yeah, sure for the van

[13:30] Kiba: Thanks!

[13:31] Hana: Do you guys need help? I might not be able to stay until the end because Izumi and I are supposed to meet for a movie at 5 but I can at least help fill the van

[13:32] Kiba: Nah I think we'll be good. Lee and Tenten are coming and they have muscles for four

[13:32] Hana: ok

[13:33] Kiba: Plus we're only moving out of a T1 and Hinata from her bedroom at her father's place, so we don't have that much stuff. We thought it would be smarter to buy what we're missing once we're there than to start ahead and have to move it too

[13:34] Hana: Yea yea ofc

[13:35] Hana: I'm so glad you guys were able to get a new place, you're going to be much more comfortable with rooms of your own

[13:36] Kiba: Akamaru will finally be allowed in my bed and Shino won't be able to stop me

[13:37] Hana: I see you have some sense of priorities

[13:37] Kiba: Yea duh that's called being an adult

He's about to get in the shower when the phone buzzes again

[13:39] Hana: I'm proud of you