Chapter 39 – the food critic
The tenday of Yue and Suki's absence from The Northern Lights restaurant had kicked off well. With Mingxia helping with prep and acting as the sous-chef, Aang and Toph had kitchen running on all cylinders. Sokka was on high alert, making absolutely sure that nobody lacked for anything they needed in their daily tasks, aware that he could no longer rely on Azula to bail him out, because Azula was helping Katara out in the dining room. To Sokka's credit, thus far he had done a bang-up job.
Katara was delighted to receive endless updates from Yue, Suki and Kya's vacation, usually in the form of stunning photos. While it made Katara wistful about taking a little vacation of her own, hopefully together with Azula, she still felt very happy knowing that her besties were having the time of their lives. Katara made it a point to print out several new Suki and Yue's vacation photos every morning and attach them to the kitchen wall. It made Katara feel like her best friends were with them at least in spirit, and the photos also seemed to boost the overall morale around the restaurant.
When it came to Azula and their undiscussed relationship, Katara had mixed results to report. She was very happy with the way Azula had paid for Yue, Suki and Kya's flight to Kyoshi Island and then also for the flight back from Yu Dao. Azula had presented it as a purely practical decision of wanting to get her best waitress and head chef back as quickly as possible instead of having them travel by slow ferries, but Katara knew that there were more than just practical considerations at work, and Azula was just being a big sweetheart in disguise.
Katara also really enjoyed working side by side with Azula, serving the customers of The Northern Lights, and not just because Azula looked absolutely ravishing in the waitress uniform. Azula also had a rather distinctive approach to serving customers. As long as their guests were respectful, Azula always remained perfectly polite, but she simply didn't project that genuine warmth the same way Yue did. Obviously, just like Katara and Yue, Azula also instantly became the subject of constant flirting, and her response to it often made Katara snicker to herself. Whenever it was a man flirting with her, Azula usually became very standoffish and cold, but on the few occasions when another girl tried some pickup lines, Azula would become incredibly flustered and tongue tied, forcing Katara to take over her table.
Still, not everything was great between her and Azula. The previous evening, their lovemaking had been interrupted by a call from Azula's father, and much to Katara's dismay, Azula had immediately rushed to answer. As Katara had listened to Azula nervously respond to Ozai's demanding inquiries, she felt gripped by a cold and chilling fear of whether her plan of getting Azula to stay with her was doomed to failure, because the more Katara listened to that conversation, the more she started to realize just how firmly under Ozai's thumb Azula still was.
At least after Azula had finished that embarrassing conversation she had possessed the good sense to apologize to Katara, but the vibe of the evening – or perhaps more than the evening – had already been ruined. Things were still a little tense this following morning as Azula had gathered the entire restaurant staff in the upstairs apartment in order to discuss some very important news that Ozai Nakamura had shared with her during that cursed phone call.
"The reason why I called an emergency meeting this morning is because I have received very important information from my father," Azula opened the proceedings, looking rather tense and anxious. "At some point this week, our restaurant will receive a visit from a food critic who will be gathering information for my father. They will be traveling incognito to make sure that we can't identify them. Of course, it won't stop us from implementing important strategies to deal with this new challenge."
"Of course," Sokka nodded. "Because you have a strategy for everything."
"I'm not sure why we even need some special strategy?" Katara shrugged. Azula had already told her about the food critic the evening before, but Katara still struggled to understand why Azula was so unusually nervous about this test. This nervousness seemed to betray a lack of confidence that didn't befit Azula at all. "If we all do our best the same as we do every day, I'm sure the food critic will walk away perfectly satisfied," Katara added confidently.
Azula looked at Katara as if she had completely lost her marbles. "Ha!" Azula finally exclaimed before exploding in shrill laughter. "You're very funny, Katara. Very funny, indeed!"
"What did I say that was so funny?" Katara scratched the back of her head, feeling very confused. The rest of the staff appeared similarly confused, exchanging uncertain stares.
"I mean… you're not technically wrong, I suppose," Azula said. "However, if we simply limit ourselves to providing our usual level of service, then we place ourselves at risk of losing this competition, and that's not a risk I'm willing to take. What if Zuko and his staff manage to identify the food critic and give them the royal treatment? Our normal service will then feel way short of the mark. No, we must strategize."
"Oh boy," Toph groaned. "I don't suppose there was any chance that Azula was going to be normal about this."
"I'm completely normal about it, thank you very much," Azula snapped. "Anyway, the most important part is identifying the food critic. That will be up to me and Katara, working the front of the house. Well, it will be mostly on me, I have way more experience with food critics than you have," Azula looked at Katara. "But I'll make you a list of telltale signs on how to spot a food critic, just because I can't be everywhere at once and I'll need your help."
"Sure," Katara agreed, smiling at Azula. She might not have been fully happy with Azula right now, but she still wanted to help the Fire Nation girl. "You mean stuff like them ordering one of each item on the menu?"
"Yes, that would be the most obvious tell, but most food critics won't be as transparent as that," Azula said. "Another important clue is that the food critic is highly likely to be a man, because my father believes that most women have inferior palates. Anyway, I'll put together that list for you after we're done with this meeting."
"I'm sure between the two of us, we'll manage to spot this food critic," Katara offered supportively.
"I really hope so," Azula nodded. "Anyway, after we have done that, I'll immediately let the kitchen staff know which table is the food critic. Toph, I will want the highest level of quality control for that table, do you hear me? The standards have to go way up for the food critic, is that clear?"
"Hearing you loud and clear, Madame Control Freak," Toph snorted. Aang and Mingxia both snickered at that, before quickly falling silent and exchanging guilty stares.
"Can I help in any way?" Sokka asked.
"You certainly can," Azula nodded. "I have a strong feeling that this food critic won't be anyone local. My father will want to send someone he trusts, so it will probably be someone from his base of operations in Ba Sing Se. It's likely that they will be traveling alone, so I will want to know ahead of time about all the bookings of a table for one. Also, if they're flying in from the Earth Kingdom, they're probably going to either rent a car at the airport, or arrive with a taxi. So, keep an eye for any single bookings arriving with a rent car or a taxi."
"Whoa, that's very clever, I actually like that strategy," Sokka nodded approvingly. "I will be watching our online bookings and the parking lot like a hawk."
"Good, I'm glad you all understand the importance of this," Azula said. "I know that the timing is not ideal with Suki and Yue being away, but I fully believe that if we all pull together, we can do an amazing job impressing this food critic."
"You can count on us, Azula," Katara promised. It was a promise she fully intended to live up to, despite deep inside hating this wretched sibling competition that seemed bound to eventually take Azula away from her.
"This trip has been totally awesome!" Kya raved, sitting on her mother's lap in a crowded bus filled with mostly Fire Nation tourists.
"Don't speak as if it's over," Suki smiled, sitting next to Yue and Kya. "We still have three full days here in Yu Dao before our flight back."
"That's true," Yue nodded in agreement. "We still have so many planned activities, I can't imagine how our tour guides are going to fit everything in."
"As long as I get to go to the amusement park, I'll be happy," Kya said expectantly, bursting into giggles when her mother affectionately tickled her.
Yue couldn't have been happier with the way the vacation had gone so far. She hadn't been able to take any time off in years. The last time Yue had gone on a proper vacation was when she was still dating Sokka and had been heavily pregnant with Kya, so she hadn't been able to really live it up during that week off. To now have ten days off to herself and the two most important people in her life was a true blessing that on some mornings still felt too good to be true for Yue.
Going on a cruise from Kyoshi Island and traveling all the way north alongside the Earth Kingdom coast had been Suki's inspired idea. They'd spent a couple of days on Kyoshi Island with Suki showing them around and playing the role of a very knowledgeable guide. Yue was very curious to learn as much as she could about the place where Suki had spent her childhood, a period of time that obviously had many difficult challenges, but had also provided plenty of happy memories.
Then they had boarded the cruise ship and the journey had begun in earnest. The sights of the Earth Kingdom shoreline were majestic, always accompanying them to the right from the bow. They also made plenty of stops along the way, heading ashore while accompanied by the guides of the Fire Nation tourism company who were making a killing chartering these well-reviewed cruises. Yue already knew that some of these experiences would stay with her for the rest of her life, such as traveling through the famous Lover's Pass to explore the picturesque city of Omashu.
The best part of the journey had certainly been a stop at Mount Makapu, which was a recently active volcano. A world-renowned fortune teller, the mysterious Madame Wu, made her home in a nearby village, and Yue was beside herself upon learning that they would all get free readings. She had been even more delighted after she and Suki both received very similar readings that strongly implied that they were on this cruise together with their soulmates. Of course, Suki had spoiled the mood a little by speculating that the tour guides had probably given Madame Wu plenty of information about her customers ahead of the readings, but Yue refused to accept that explanation. In her mind, Madame Wu was as real as they came.
Their extended stay in Yu Dao was perhaps a little less exciting than the rest of the journey, but Yue was still having an amazing time with Suki and Kya. Yu Dao was a very modern city and it had been a mere fishing village seventy years ago when its development had suddenly exploded. As such, it didn't have any particularly interesting history, however, it had plenty of more modern attractions.
The city had suffered some damage in the most recent military conflict between the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom some twenty years ago, and in the wake of the war, the diplomatic solution had been to turn Yu Dao into a semi-independent demilitarized buffer zone between the two bitter rivals. It wasn't a decision that anyone was particularly happy with, but that everyone could at least live with. Overseeing the harbor of Yu Dao was a massive thirty feet tall statue of the Air Nation diplomat who had conducted the final peace negations between the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom. Yue obviously approved of the peaceful settlement, but she found the statue tacky and the very embodiment of hubris.
"Starting to get sleepy," Kya yawned in Yue's lap, leaning in against her mother's chest.
"And no wonder, it's been a long day," Suki chuckled. "You must be exhausted after chasing all those ducklings."
"I know I'm exhausted just from trying to keep up with this little energizer bunny," Yue grinned, embracing her daughter. "I can't wait to get back to the boat and collapse on our bed."
"Well, maybe you don't have to fall asleep right away, though," Suki said with a hopeful glint in her eyes. "Admittedly, this nature preserve visit took longer than I thought it would. It's already dark outside."
"Yeah," Yue nodded. "We would already be back on the ship if not for these annoying border checks." Because Yu Dao was no longer technically a part of the Earth Kingdom, border checks had been set up on every major road crossing from Yu Dao into the Earth Kingdom. They had spent nearly an hour in a border crossing this morning, and now that the bus had come to a halt, Yue assumed that they were once again dealing with a border check, even if she couldn't see much outside in the dark.
"I wish they would hurry up already," Suki sighed. "It's obvious we're just a bunch of tourists and not some sinister smugglers of contraband."
It took ten more minutes of waiting until the driver returned to the bus. Yue was a little surprised that he was accompanied by two fully armed border guards who for some reason remained onboard even as the bus started moving again. Still, Yue didn't think too much of it because they seemed to be amiably chatting with the driver and didn't appear to be on high alert or anything. Perhaps their shift had ended and they were simply catching a free ride back to town? Whatever it was, Yue was too exhausted to entertain theories about it, when all she could think of were the soft bedsheets in their luxurious cabin on the cruise ship.
After the bus had been driving for some time and Yue had started to fall more firmly asleep, out of the corner of her eye, she somehow managed to notice that Suki was busy checking something on her phone, while at the same time looking around frantically. "Hey, what's wrong?" Yue reached out to briefly touch Suki's hand.
Suki looked around with a worried expression on her face before showing Yue the screen of her phone. It showed a map application centered on their location. Yue frowned in annoyance when she noticed that they were much further away from the city than she had thought. "We're heading away from the city," Suki whispered frantically. "The bus is going in the wrong direction."
"That's silly," Yue said, shaking her head. "Anyway, these map applications are notoriously unreliable. And the wi-fi on this bus is really spotty, too. No wonder the poor app is confused."
Suki rolled her eyes, looking frustrated. "Damn, you've picked the worst possible time to become a sceptic," she hissed. "Anyway, if you want another clue that something is wrong, where are our two tour guides? Explain this to me, detective."
Yue pulled herself up in her seat and then turned around to look at where their tour guides had been sitting all throughout the day trip, but now their seats were empty. Suddenly, Suki's infectious concern struck Yue with full force. "What do you think is going on here?" she whispered to her girlfriend.
"I don't know," Suki shrugged. "But I'm going to find out," she spoke bravely, getting out of her seat before Yue could stop her. Ignoring any potential danger to herself like the badass motherfucker that she was, Suki took several steps towards the front of the bus before the border guards reacted, one of them turning to face her.
"Can I help you, miss?" the man asked in a polite tone. Yue's heart skipped a beat when she noticed that despite the outward politeness, the man's posture had changed and he had immediately become more tense and alert, his hand moving closer to his weapon. "You really should be in your seat."
"Yes, you could help me by telling us who you really are," Suki demanded, her words shocking Yue. "Because I know for certain that you're not actual border guards."
"Very observant," the man smiled at her, looking genuinely amused. "I was wondering how long it will take for anyone to notice."
"You still haven't answered my question," Suki spoke firmly, her voice not betraying any hint of nervousness, making Yue both insanely scared, but also proud of her girlfriend at the same time. "Who are you guys and where are you taking us?" A chatter began to rise throughout the bus as more and more passengers became aware of Suki's conversation with the armed men.
"I suppose that now that the cat is out of the bag, there's no sense keeping the truth from you," the fake border guard grinned, looking very pleased with himself. "You're right, we're not actual border guards. We're the Earth Kingdom Unification League. Oh, and also this is a hostage situation. Don't panic and nobody will get hurt."
The bus immediately exploded in panic. The only one seemingly not freaking out was Kya, looking up at her mother with wide eyes and appearing excited. "Is this some new attraction, mom?" she asked. "Also… what's a hostage?"
Despite feeling confident in her strategy to deal with this food critic situation, Azula couldn't help but feel nervous to the point of light wooziness. A couple of days had passed since the call from her father, and Azula desperately hoped that the critic would show up sooner rather than later. Two years ago, the weight of Ozai's expectations had put her in a hospital for three weeks with dangerously bleeding stomach ulcer. Her father had obviously shelled out for the best medical care possible, but ever since that incident, in situations where Azula was put under sustained stress, the ulcer tended to flare up. This uncertainty of the food critic showing up at an unspecified time was not doing Azula any favors, and she was starting to experience random bouts of abdominal pain.
Obviously, Azula was not completely delusional and she understood that this was not a healthy situation to be in. Still, the coveted finish line was so close now, less than two months away. There was no way that Azula would throw away the prize she had worked for all her life, not now, not at the cost of some slight discomfort and trivial health concerns. Just a little bit more, and she would no longer have to worry about Zuko's competition for the Nakamura food empire, nor about losing the status of the favorite child in her father's eyes.
At least Azula did not have to worry about the commitment of her friends and coworkers at The Northern Lights. The kitchen was ticking along swimmingly, with Aang slowly mastering the skill of cooking various proteins even if he wouldn't taste them, while Toph held the entire kitchen staff accountable to her high-quality standards. The Enuaraq siblings were equally dedicated to their tasks, with Sokka watching both the online bookings and the parking lot, while Katara was being her usual force of nature in the dining room, engaging every guest and trying to squeeze any tidbits of information that might help to identify the food critic. All of them were determined to avoid failure, and Azula had full confidence in her team.
It was during the Thursday dinner service, that they finally seemed to catch a break. Azula had just delivered a regular looking ticket to the kitchen when Katara stormed in after her, looking very nervous and excited. "I might have something here," Katara exclaimed urgently.
"The critic?" Azula realized immediately. Katara nodded. "What makes you think that?" Azula asked.
"Well, she arrived alone, without a reservation," Katara explained. "But mostly, it was her order," she said, passing Azula the ticket.
"Alright, she really has ordered as good as one of everything," Azula spoke, trying to get a grip on her excited nervousness. "That's a dead giveaway." She then paused, thinking about something. "Still, I didn't expect father to trust the opinion of a female food critic, so that's a little odd. Let's go take a look at her, shall we? Where did you seat her?" Azula asked.
"Table 16," Katara replied as they left the kitchen together, returning to the dining room and then doing their best to discreetly observe the young woman sitting at the table Katara had seated her at. Azula was immediately a little confused about the woman's appearance because she was wearing a very obvious pink wig, large black shades and way more makeup than was strictly necessary. Was it someone Azula actually knew and that was why they had put on a rather silly looking disguise? Azula didn't know what to think, but there was no arguing with the order the customer had given to Katara because it spoke for itself.
"Interesting," Azula mused. "She could be one of those reviewers who are big on TikTok. I don't actually know most of them because, well… TikTok is gross. Still, there's no arguing with the subscriber numbers some of them get. They make even my father a little jealous."
"I may have seen her on TikTok," Katara nodded in agreement. "There's something familiar about her, I feel like I've seen that face before."
"Yes, it's probably TikTok, then," Azula said, feeling reassured. "Don't look, I think she's spotted us examining her," she then added hastily, having noticed that the food critic was looking their way.
"She seems to be sweating bullets and looking really nervous, like she's thinking about bolting," Katara said, having stolen another quick glance.
"Well, it is rather hot in here and she's clearly dressed too warmly," Azula shrugged. "Anyway, I better get back to the kitchen and make sure they handle Table 16 properly," Azula said, turning around to hurry away, only to be stopped by a customer at a nearby table, beckoning her over.
"Excuse me, miss?" she was addressed by a timid looking man with slight rodent-like features, wearing a well-worn suit. "Could I bother you for a-"
"I'm sorry, but I have urgent business in the kitchen," Azula interrupted the man. "I'll be back to take care of you shortly," she said before hurrying away.
Once Azula had returned to the kitchen, she wasted no time beating around the bush. "Alright, listen up, everyone!" she shouted. "Table 16 is the food critic! All attention and priority on Table 16 ticket! Highest quality standards, remember?"
"Ugh, having to cook one of each is so hard," Aang muttered. "It's really going to set us back on the other tickets…"
"The other tickets don't matter!" Azula exclaimed. "Well, they do matter, just… not as much as Table 16. It's okay if we let something slide on the other tickets, as long as we get everything right for the food critic, we'll be golden. Do I make myself clear?"
"Sure, royal feast for the critic, slop for the other guests," Toph laughed.
"Ugh, that's not what I meant and you know it!" Azula growled. "Anyway, get cracking on Table 16! I'll do both the expediting and the serving."
"Don't you have other customers that need attention, too?" Aang asked worriedly. "Or… are you going to hang around here, looking over our shoulders?"
"The other customers will just have to exercise a bit of patience," Azula waved off Aang's concerns. "Katara will handle them. She'll just charm all of their complaints away."
"You are so embarrassingly gone for Katara," Toph laughed, making Azula blush, especially when Aang and Mingxia carefully joined in with their muted laughter. Azula was quite relieved when a few minutes later, the first appetizers were ready to be delivered and she could just grab them and make her way back to the dining hall.
"Here are your appetizers, ma'am," Azula spoke politely, attempting her winningest smile as she set the plates down in front of the food critic. The eccentric looking woman merely nodded at Azula, maintaining her poker face. Azula decided to leave the critic be for now, backing away, but remaining in the dining room to observe the critic's reaction. From the way the woman sampled the food, having only a few bites of one dish before moving on to the next, Azula could tell that she was the real deal. They had successfully identified the food critic, and now the only part left was to impress and butter her up.
"Excuse me, miss?" Azula's observations were once again interrupted by that annoying mousey little man who seemingly just loved to complain. "My steak is a little too well done. I ordered a medium rare, but this is closer to medium. Could I please request a new one?" the irritating customer whined.
Azula sighed inwardly, turning to face the pain in the ass customer and his supposedly wrongly cooked steak. Even from a distance, Azula could tell that it was a little over medium rare. Still, she was never going to interrupt the kitchen's work on the food critic's ticket with a refire for this vastly less important customer because it would cause the kitchen to become dangerously backed up. "That's a perfect medium rare, sir," Azula insisted, even knowing that she was completely and utterly wrong. Still, her attention was fully on the food critic and she was cheering inwardly upon noticing that the eccentrically dressed woman seemed to be really enjoying her appetizers.
"Umm, I would have to disagree-" the irritating customer tried to insist, but Azula had no time for his pointless complaints just now because she had to rush back to the kitchen and oversee the preparation of the food critic's entrées.
"I don't know who died and made you the expert, but I'm afraid we'll just have to agree to disagree," Azula snapped, turning around. "I'm sorry, but I'm needed back in the kitchen," she added snootily before strutting off.
"How is it going with the critic?" Aang asked immediately upon Azula stepping back inside the kitchen. "Is she digging the food?"
"It's hard to say, she's got quite the poker face," Azula frowned. "I'm hoping for the best, though. I'm very confident in the quality of what I put in front of her."
"As you should be," Toph nodded confidently as the kitchen staff continued their work on the food critic's entrées. "If she doesn't love the food then she's clearly not here to judge this contest in good faith."
"I agree with you, but all the same, I'm here to double check everything you're pushing out, just to be sure," Azula said. "Not because I don't trust you, but-"
"But because of how much this competition means to you, we get it," Aang nodded.
"But also, because you're paranoid," Mingxia added innocently.
"I am not paranoid," Azula protested, as together with Toph they proceeded to finish the critic's entrées, Toph carefully tasting everything and Azula doing all the plating. "Alright, our food has never looked as good as this," Azula said proudly, still feeling very nervous as she picked up the food critic's order for delivery.
Once again, the eccentric looking woman showed little reaction as Azula replaced her appetizer plates with the entrées. "I hope you enjoyed your appetizers," Azula tried politely. The woman once again merely nodded, although she did appear satisfied. "I'll leave you to enjoy your entrées, ma'am. Just let me know if you need anything," Azula added, refilling the food critic's wine glass before retreating to continue observing their most important guest's reaction from a safe distance.
"Excuse me, young lady?" once again, Azula's observations were interrupted by the same picky customer as before. "Do you have time to address my concerns now?" the man whose appearance made Azula think of a rotund, offended hamster, complained once again.
"Yes, what is it now?" Azula sighed dramatically. "Are you a professional bore or something?"
"Well… no," the man replied, wilting slightly under her glare. "I'm a food critic, though," he added timidly.
"Ha!" Azula exclaimed, a little too loudly, startling some of the nearby guests. "You, a food critic? Don't make me laugh. That over there," she pointed at the eccentric young woman sampling several entrées at once. "Is the real food critic, actually."
At that same unfortunate moment, Katara suddenly ran up to the food critic's table, for some reason looking very upset. "You!" she exclaimed angrily, pointing accusingly at the woman. "I know who you are! And a food critic you are not!"
"Uh, miss?" the annoying customer, possibly also the real food critic, gave Azula a concerned stare. "Are you feeling alright?" he asked. "You seem to be a little wobbly, maybe you should sit down."
"No, thank you, I think I might just faint instead," Azula replied, her head spinning faster and faster as everything became a blur before her eyes. "Yep, definitely going to faint," she managed before blacking out. The last thing Azula heard before losing consciousness was Katara calling out her name.
"Have I made myself perfectly clear here? We are counting on your cooperation in this. It's the only way to make sure nobody gets hurt." Suki shook herself back to full attention with the leader of the terrorist cell (although they preferred to call themselves the Yu Dao Freedom Fighters) staring firmly at her.
"Sure, I suppose," Suki replied quickly, trying to project a degree of defiance into her words, despite being frightened if not for herself, then for the sake of Yue and Kya. Yue seemed to be holding up well for now, but Suki was sure that she was merely putting up a brave front for Kya's sake. As for the little girl, she definitely did not understand the gravity of their situation, treating it all like a big adventure, and right now, that certainly was for the best.
The hijacked bus had arrived at its destination after traveling through a long underground tunnel and emerging in some kind of a bunker. It was most likely an old abandoned Earth Kingdom army base, the compound now converted into the headquarters of this Earth Kingdom Unification League. Soon after the panicking tourists had been herded off the bus, Suki, Yue and Kya had been separated from the others. Apparently, because of Suki's brave actions on the bus, she had been identified as someone with authority among the group of kidnapped tourists, and the cell leader had just given her a long speech about how it would be best for everyone if Suki made sure that the abductees kept their shit together and didn't do anything stupid. Suki didn't exactly disagree with the sentiment, but the entire conversation made her suspect that this group wasn't very experienced or good with the dirty business of kidnapping people.
"What exactly do you hope to achieve with this?" Yue suddenly butted into the conversation, having kept mostly silent until now, focusing her attention on Kya.
"Well, since you asked so kindly, what we want is a voice at the table to discuss Yu Dao's future status," the cell leader replied. The middle-aged man gave off strong vibes of former Earth Kingdom military, which made complete sense to Suki. It was possible that after the demilitarization of Yu Dao he had been dismissed from service, causing lasting embitterment.
"Engaging in kidnapping doesn't seem like the right way to go about it," Yue continued. "Many people will find it distasteful to negotiate with terrorists."
"We are not terrorists, we are patriots!" the cell leader replied heatedly, looking upset and personally offended by Yue's words. "This is why I'm trying to make sure that no blood is spilled. If we were just another terrorist organization, we would be treating you much less humanely."
"I guess you felt that you needed to do something big and flashy to get your name out there, right?" Suki guessed. "I've never heard of this Earth Kingdom Unification League."
"Exactly, most people have never heard about us, not until now," the cell leader nodded. "That all changes tonight. We're putting our name firmly out there. The powers that be will have no other option but to recognize us and take us seriously."
"I'm sure this is a great plan and everything will go as smoothly as you have imagined," Suki said, just about resisting a roll of the eyes.
"Mom?" Kya piped up, looking at Yue. "I'm starting to get bored of this game. Can we do something else?" She looked around the quarters of the cell leader, her eyes stopping at the Pai Sho board on the writing desk. "Oh, you play Pai Sho, mister?" she asked the bemused terrorist. "I bet I could beat you."
The cell leader burst into booming laughter. "You think you could beat me?" the man asked, shaking with amusement. "Don't make me laugh, little girl." He turned to look at Yue. "Don't you have some dolls to distract her with, woman?"
"A grown-up man, scared of a little girl," Kya snorted petulantly. "How very sad." Some of the League guards in the room with them snickered at Kya's comment, making their leader glower with rage.
"Alright, let me teach you some manners, little girl, because it's clear that your mother has failed in that regard," the cell leader rose, fetching the Pai Sho board and starting to set it up for a game. Yue and Kya went to sit down at the table with the angry cell leader, with Kya perched in her mother's lap as she stared down at the board.
"How about some added stakes for the game?" Suki asked, an idea suddenly occurring to her, borne of her absolute belief in Kya's talent that had been sharpened by constant practicing and playing with crack players like Azula.
"What do you mean?" the cell leader narrowed his eyes at Suki.
"How about… if Kya wins, the three of us get to walk free," Suki suggested. "If you win, I'll personally guarantee full cooperation from all of your hostages."
"That sounds acceptable because there's no chance of me losing to a three-year-old," the terrorist leader snorted.
"I'm four, meanie," Kya scowled as the game of Pai Sho began.
Suki could see that the ex-military man was a decent enough player, but he was clearly too arrogant in underestimating Kya. It was all over in less than fifteen minutes, leaving the cell leader staring at the board in disbelief with his mouth flapping open and shut as if he was a fish ashore. "How… how is that possible?" he demanded, looking ready to flip the table.
"Kya is a budding Pai Sho genius, it's simple," Suki shrugged, grinning broadly. "Also, I guess we'll be on our way."
"Not so fast," the terrorist leader exclaimed. "You can't really believe I would just let you go."
Suddenly, there was a lot of loud muttering in the room coming from the other League members, looking upset and unimpressed. "Boss, that's not cool," one of them spoke up. "You've been boasting all this time about once having beaten a Pai Sho grandmaster, and now you get schooled by a three-year-old?"
"Ugh, I'm four!" Kya grumbled. "Why does nobody listen to me?"
"Such a cute kid, and you would break a promise made to her?" another guard shook his head, looking annoyed. "That's pretty low, boss."
"Argh, shut up, you morons!" the cell leader growled. "I can beat her! I know I can! Alright, little girl, how about a rematch?"
"Sure, I'll happily beat you again," Kya smiled innocently.
"But you need to raise the stakes if we're to accept," Suki added hastily. "If Kya beats you again, then you'll release all the hostages."
The cell leader hesitated for a moment, clearly being more cautious now. Still, the looks on the faces of his underlings must have convinced him that there was no other option than to accept the challenge if he didn't want to be forever branded as a coward. "Fine, I accept," the man growled, taking his place at the Pai Sho board. The game was much more tightly contested and lasted longer this time around, but the end result was the same and never in doubt, as Kya emerged victorious yet again.
"Well, that was completely disheartening," one of the cell members sighed. "I just can't follow a man who is repeatedly humiliated by a three-… sorry, four-year-old. I'm out of here."
"Yeah, me too," another League member added. "I only joined because I thought it would impress my girlfriend, anyway. My heart was always set on the local pumpkin grower association."
"I only joined because the local medieval folk dancing society had no membership spots left," the third guard said. "I'm going to see if there's an opening now."
"Yeah, and I only cared about having a dental plan," a very young lad with braces nodded eagerly. "Let's get out of here. And let's free those folks on our way out."
"You… little girl, you just ruined the entire organization I've been building for the past ten years!" the former cell leader groaned, glaring at Kya.
"Well, maybe you should have done something more worthwhile with your time," Suki snorted, as together with Yue and Kya they prepared to follow the deserting guards. "Like becoming an eggplant farmer or something more productive."
"That's right," Yue beamed proudly as she gave her precious daughter a tight hug. "Let this be a lesson to you, old man. Never pick a fight with my daughter and her family, because it never ends well for those who try it."
"Precocious four-year-old Pai Sho genius resolves a tense hostage situation," Katara read the title of a newspaper article, not quite daring to believe her eyes as she looked at the photo of a very smug looking Kya, being held by both Yue and Suki. "That's not quite where I expected Yue and Suki's vacation would go."
"At least it's less of a disaster than our encounter with the food critic," Azula groaned nearby. She was lying face down on the sofa, not in any hurry to get up after finally regaining her consciousness.
"Debatable," Katara snorted, looking over to where Sokka lay motionless on the floor, with Ty Lee worriedly hovering over her boyfriend. "Is he coming to or what? I did not expect that we would have more than one person fainting on the same day."
"Extreme measures may be required," Ty Lee said, applying a few gentle slaps to Sokka's cheeks, but it failed to produce any reaction. "Well, I didn't want to resort to this, but I'm afraid you're not giving me much of a choice, Sokka," Ty Lee sighed, grabbing a pitcher of ice water and dunking it in her boyfriend's face. Sokka immediately flew upright with a startled yelp.
"What… what's going on!" Sokka demanded to know, but his confusion cleared up almost immediately. "Oh right, I was freaking out about my daughter being placed in a life-threatening situation! I will have words with Yue once they make it home safely!"
"Calm down, it's not like Yue or Suki placed Kya in that situation," Katara rolled her eyes. "The article clearly states that their bus was abducted in a fake border checkpoint under the cover of darkness. That could have happened to anyone."
"Exactly," Ty Lee nodded in agreement. "Also, I think we should focus on the fact that Kya is both a celebrity and a hero, and she's only four! That's your daughter we're talking about, Sokka. You should be damn proud!"
"True," Sokka finally relented. "All's well that ends well, I suppose."
"I knew those Pai Sho lessons would pay off in the end," Azula said, her voice still a little weak, but also carrying a degree of pride. "Anyway… Katara, I wanted to ask, what happened with that fake food critic?"
"Oh," Katara snapped her fingers. "Yes, I completely forgot to tell you after you regained consciousness. I finally recognized her! It was Bee… or Beatrice, a friend of Jet's!" Katara had been dead set on confronting Bee on the spot, but when she had seen Azula fainting, she had forgotten all about fighting with Bee and rushed to her girlfriend's aid. During all the chaos, Bee had slipped out and made a runner.
"Ugh, damn it…" Azula cursed. "Of course, that whole plot was orchestrated by Zuko and Jet. Great… after that failure, I'm doomed to lose this competition."
"Aren't you being overly dramatic about it?" Katara asked. "Surely your father will not make his decision based only on the report of this food critic, right? I know we didn't do well, but maybe we can still come back from it."
"Well," Azula paused, deep in thought. "I suppose there's still a chance that Zuko somehow fucks up the food critic's visit even worse than we did…"
"I think I have detected a slight issue with our plan regarding the food critic," Zuko said in a very tense voice. He was sitting in the passenger seat of Jet's car, while Jet was driving with an equally tense, almost manic look in his eyes, fingers tightly gripping the steering wheel.
"What's the issue?" Jet asked, sounding very frustrated.
"By focusing all our attention on foiling Azula, we sort of forgot to make any preparations for the critic's visit at The Blue Spirit," Zuko sighed.
"That doesn't mean you should have punched him in the face," Jet said accusingly.
"He insulted my food!" Zuko yelled angrily.
"How dare he," Jet rolled his eyes. "Anyway, what are we going to do about him?" Jet asked, pointing towards the back of the car. While none of them were speaking, it was just about possible to make out faint sounds of struggle and muffled cries for help coming from the car's trunk.
"I don't know, alright? We need to figure out something!" Zuko exclaimed desperately. "But for now… just keep on driving!"