When Harry woke up the next morning, his head pounded in pain to the beat of his heart. He felt like he had been through a few of Wood's special training sessions, exercises where his head was used as a target for beater practice. As soon as he felt cold water at his lips, primal instinct took over and he kept drinking until the dry wool in his mouth was replaced by the taste of cherries. Soothing warmth relieved the ache in his throat. Confused, he tried to pry open an eye, which turned out harder than he would have thought.

It took him a few wilful tries but it was only on the fourth attempt that he managed to finally see what was happening. A middle-aged woman with flowing brunette hair sat beside him on the bed, holding an empty glass and a potion vial in both her hands. She wore a silk black robe that covered most of her body, except her left thigh that exposed equally black stockings and a leather boot that went up to her calves. For a brief moment, he was unsure of what was happening but her soft eyes and gentle smile did away with his worries. Remaining silent, mostly because his brain hasn't awoken to the point where it could help him conjure words from mind to mouth, he was left to wonder how Hermione's mother had got into Grimmauld Place and what potion that was. His thoughts solidified but he still couldn't speak and the longer he stared at the stranger, the more he realised that other than their hair colour, his best friend and this woman were unrelated.

"Good morning, Harry," she finally spoke, breaking the silence that threatened to continue this strange encounter forever.

"Do I know you?" he asked groggily in response to the woman's cheerful tone as the headache began to fade gradually. It seemed that the unknown potion was helpful after all, or at least it eased his passing.

"No, but you will soon."

"I will? Who are you?"

"Of course, where are my manners?" the woman mumbled under her breath and shook her head. "I am Andromeda Tonks –"

"Tonks?" He parroted the name, still slow to register the words that came from this woman. He mouthed the words again in his head, repeatedly, before he slowly recognised the facial structure of someone he knew well. This was Sirius' favourite cousin, he realised, squinting his eyes to study her face with more effort. The eyes and cheekbones were the only similarity he could see now, Mrs Tonks had a rounder face, not as gaunt as his godfather. Before Azkaban, they would have looked almost alike.

"– Your future mother-in-law."

"Nice to meet you, Mrs – Wait – what," Harry paused for a moment to consider if pinching himself would be rude. He has heard the words, but they made no sense. Was he still dreaming? Another nightmare perhaps? "Mother-in-Law?"

"I see." Warm brown eyes left his own and wandered across the room for a moment before coming to rest on the array of empty bottles on the table before snapping back to whatever heavy blanket was on his side. With a flick of her wand, the window jumped open, although the heavy curtains kept the bright winter sun out. "Whatever the circumstance, let me be the first to congratulate you on the engagement to my daughter."

"Engagement?"

"Edward and I were starting to get worried, you know. Nymphadora turned twenty-two this year, and wouldn't bring anybody home to introduce to us. So when we woke up to find a scroll from the Department of Records announcing a betrothal contract with the House of Potter, we were overjoyed –"

Whatever she would have said was cut off by a raspy voice that would have scared the dead.

"Andi? What are you doing here?"

"Talking to your godson, you oaf."

"Hag," he replied with the habit of a lifetime. "This early?"

"It is past noon."

"Too early," Sirius insisted with a tired groan. He patted down his robes, but could not find the wand on the table next to his sleeping spot.

"The rest of your friends were getting nervous because the blood wards on the door were keeping them out," Andromeda explained with an amused smile as she searched her satchel for something. "So they sent Alastor to find me and get into this room. I must say, this house has not improved since I was last here two decades ago." With no words spoken, a small flask of cherry red potion floated over to Sirius, who had given up the search for his wand. "Here, drink this."

"Thank you," he mumbled after emptying the vial. Then, the weight of his head became too much, and his head dropped down onto his armchair. "You always had a talent for brewing. Tell Molly that I will be down for dinner."

And with that, Sirius fell asleep in the blink of an eye. In the meantime, Harry's mind had caught up with the previous conversation, and there was one question burning on his tongue.

"I'm engaged, how?"

"Magic is a wonderful and terrible thing," Andromeda explained with a Dumbledore-esque air to her words. And given how many absurdities in his life had been announced or explained by the headmaster, that was oddly fitting. At least there was no dragon to take on, this time. "The most important part to this is always intent. On some level, both of you must have wanted this, must have expressed a desire to be bound this way."

Had Harry been better rested or less hungover, he would undoubtedly been swearing up a storm. In his state, he only managed a weak protest. "Bound? – Tonks is pretty, but I don't want to get married to every pretty girl out there."

"As your future mother-in-law, that is reassuring to know," she replied with a chuckle, the warmth in her eyes calming his nerves a bit.

"Are you – Are you not mad? That, you know – "

"You got engaged to my daughter in what I can assume was quite the bender?" Andromeda asked with one eyebrow raised and another glance at the empty bottles on the table. And the fact that Tonks was sprawled out over his left side while Hermione was using his right arm as a pillow, as well. In Andromeda's smile, it was easy to spot the family resemblance to her daughter, no matter what she was doing with her powers.

"Well, I think so."

"I was raised a daughter of House Black. I am no stranger to arranged marriages and by the looks of it, you two did the arranging yourself. Even if it took some social lubricant." The amusement in her tone was clear for anyone to hear. Yet Harry could not wrap his head around neither the latest madness in his life, nor her reaction to it.

"But, I'm much younger than Tonks."

"Not really. Seven years might seem a lot to you now, but ten years down the road, it will not matter," Andromeda dismissed calmly as she patted his shoulder. "I know that my parents considered a lot of possible matches for me, some of whom were not out of their nappies yet and some who probably needed them again. If I had not met Edward, I might very well be married to one of them. Or already widowed. And had we not been the black sheep of our family, Sirius might have been married to Nymphadora."

"Still, I barely know her," Harry pointed out, unable to come up with anything else to say. Maybe he could have another go at the dragon? That was starting to look awfully inviting right now. Linka might have been a terrifying beast, but at least he knew how to fly against her. Which couldn't be said about him talking to girls, much less marrying one.

"You will have a lifetime to get to know her," she explained in what was supposed to be a friendly tone, but it did not have the desired effect. It was therefore time to change tracks. "If I may pry, were there any particular moments where you might have felt something that might explain why there is a marriage contract between you two?"

"When we were talking about my time at Hogwarts," Harry said slowly, trying to remember more than a few flashes of memories. "Both Sirius and Tonks knew bits, but neither knew everything. Hermione helped to piece the picture together because she remembered some things I didn't. There were moments where I was in danger. Dumbledore just sent me off with a pat on the back, Mrs Weasley thanked me for saving Ginny's life, but Tonks and Sirius were the only ones who ever got angry on my behalf. When I mentioned Umbridge and the blood quill, they started arguing over who would get to murder her. Hermione grabbed my hand and showed them the scars and they vowed that she would be dead soon. That felt – strange. Nice, but strange and warm. Safe."

Something dangerous flashed in Andromeda's eyes, briefly reminding him that this woman was related to the mad, cackling Death Eater he had seen in Dumbledore's pensive, but it was gone in an instant, leaving Harry wondering what he had just seen.

"Sirius mentioned that he and my father thought about a marriage pact once, but he was disowned and my father was afraid of what my mother would do to him once she found out," Harry remembered after a moment of concentration. This had been one of the few stories that Sirius had told about his parents as a couple, and definitely the most memorable one. "That's how we got onto the topic. He said that while he had no daughter of his own, your daughter would have been a match fit for a king."

She smiled at that. "That might be the smartest thing Sirius ever said."

"Well, Tonks asked how many camels that translated into. They bickered back and forth – that's when Hermione fell asleep – but those were just jokes, right?" Harry said in a manner that was more a desperate question than a statement.

"You will find that quite a few jokes made it into the contract," Andromeda replied and held up a parchment with an official-looking seal affixed at the bottom.

"What?"

"I particularly liked the clause about a right to ride on your broomstick, once a replacement has been provided by House Black," she deadpanned and tilted her head towards Sirius. "That, more than anything else, clued me in that my cousin had a hand in this contract."

"That does not sound bad?" Harry said, again in a tone that might as well have been a question. "Sirius got me a Firebolt, but Umbridge confiscated it after the Weasleys and some Slytherins got into a brawl."

"It is not a bad obligation, merely unusual. As is the clause that you will not have children until Nymphadora turns 40, and no more than three, with an option for an additional child should Sirius not have produced an heir of his own body at that point."

"I – I remember Sirius and Tonks arguing about children," Harry said slowly, having given up on trying to comprehend the latest mess he had apparently got himself into. "I don't remember any details. But isn't 40 kinda old to have children?"

"For Muggles, it is. If you exclude violent deaths and accidents, the average witch or wizard has a life expectancy north of 250 years. There are recorded cases of people living beyond 400, such as Amando Dippet," Andromeda explained. "Even I could still have children for many years. And with Nymphadora out of the house, who knows –"

"But how does that even work?"

She stared at him for a moment, and Harry wondered why.

"Oh my, I fear that Nymphadora will be terribly disappointed if I have to explain this to you."

"What? No, no," Harry backpaddled quickly. "I know where children come from. But how would – will this work, I mean. With her only having children after she turned 40?"

"Magic is all about intent," Andromeda explained, and tactfully ignored the red shade Harry's face had become. "You will find yourself unable to conceive before that time, no matter how vigorous, frequent and dutiful your attempts will be."

"Our attempts?" Harry echoed in horror as it dawned on him what this stranger, apparently his future mother-in-law, was alluding to. Talking with his mates about snogging girls was one thing, and mostly a theoretical exercise on top. But this…

"I don't know what you might have heard from your dorm mates, but a healthy relationship comes with physical intimacy. Witches desire that as much as wizards, no matter what your friends might have guessed so far, or deluded themselves to think. There is more to a relationship than they would know. It is a journey of discovery that any couple has to undertake for themselves."

"How can you be okay with all of this?"

"I have not been impressed with her previous boyfriends. I am not interested in the details of my daughter's love life, but some of them left Edward and me wondering – Compared to a Triwizard champion, someone who had faced the Dark Lord and lived to tell the tale –"

"I ran," Harry interrupted, feeling deeply uncomfortable. "I'm nobody's champion. He called his followers, he toyed with me, and I ran away."

"Of course, you ran. Dumbledore is the only person who could fight him to a standstill. Just surviving an encounter with the Dark Lord says more about you than you might imagine."

"It was dumb luck."

"And yet, you are here while older, more experienced, witches and wizards are not. Not to mention some of your previous adventures. Which, from what you have said before, involved mortal peril in spades."

Harry kept his eyes firmly on the ground, trying to avoid even Andromeda's high boots, much less any more of her. "I still can't believe this – all of this – anything of it."

"It might be overwhelming at first, but your marriage will be what you make of it. You don't have to buy a house and settle down the moment you seal your union. You can travel the world together, you can spend a year or two abroad just taking in the sunsets of Tenerife, or the rainforests of South America. Move to the Eternal City for a month, enjoy the magical quarter of Nouvelle-Orléans, go on a blender in Phuket, have an adventure up the Fraser River or stay on a tropical island in the Caribbean. You do not even have to have children the moment Nymphadora turns 40, but I would ask you not to dally too long. I would like to have grandchildren while I can still run after them," she said gently, but in a teasing tone.

"Grand– Grandchildren?"

It was at that moment when Harry's brain finally caught up with the madness of the last few minutes, and he promptly fainted. He put no thought into the heavy blanket on his side, nor did he notice when she subconsciously wrapped an arm around him and hugged him close. But no nightmares tormented him, and by the time he woke up again, he was comfy enough to remember his engagement with only a small panic attack and some shrill screams that woke Sirius.

AN:

Beta'ed by doenerkint/Babidibupi.

As you probably have realised by now, this is not the most serious of fics. Nonetheless, I try to explore a few rarely-used concepts here, and poke a bit of fun at common fanon ideas and tropes.

Chapters 5 is already completed, but my beta told me that 4 needs more work, so I don't know if we get that done by the next weekend.