Hello everybody,
today we make another little skip back into the past. I hope you'll enjoy it ;-)
Babysitter
Happens within the second part - during the interruption of the Ultimate Training
-Zoro-
"And what do you think you are doing?" Mihawk's voice echoed coldly through the entrance hall. "Take it and leave. I do not want it in my house."
Rolling his eyes, Zoro stretched and walked towards the front door. He knew this tone too well and knew that Mihawk was in one of his very annoying moods, which always meant trouble for Zoro, which he certainly didn't need today. His bones were still cracking from the previous fight, and he had actually hoped that the Shichibukai would be in a better mood after their last conversation.
"Geez, what a greeting and no, Hawky, I won't," Jiroushin replied from the other side of the large double door, slightly offended, unsurprisingly, "and I ask you not to talk like that about my child – your godchild. Lirin is sick, I had to bring Ray along."
"You have an armada of nannies, and this is not a place for a... baby, Jiroushin. What are you doing here anyway? Your presence is unnecessary; Either way, you are useless if you are occupied with... children stuff."
Zoro eyed the Shichibukai with a raised eyebrow. He knew his aversion towards children – and people in general – but concerning Jiroushin he usually made an exception. At the same time, Zoro himself was also a little annoyed. After Shank's visit, he was eager to finally get on with his Ultimate Training, but he had a hunch that Jiroushin's presence could become bothersome.
"I wanted to give you a warning and was planning to visit you anyway to discuss a few points about the annual general meeting," Jiroushin explained through gritted teeth, "and you may do well to spend some time with your godchild."
"Oh, do not bring it near me," Mihawk vehemently refused, completely ignoring the relevant part. "I am giving this child all the protection, influence, and prosperity that may be needed because of you, but we had clearly set out the boundaries. Stay away from me with such sentimental nonsense."
"Hi Jiroushin, what did you want to warn about?" Zoro interjected, annoyed, and pulled the door open a little wider to let the Vice Admiral in, which the Shichibukai apparently didn't intend to do.
"Oh," Mihawk waved it off, "he is talking about Redhair. But you are too late, Jiroushin, he has already been here, and he is already gone. Moreover, I have no interest in participating in the Assembly of the Five Islands. So you and your descendant might as well leave."
He was in a really bad mood, even worse than usual, which should be impossible given his permanently bad mood. Zoro just hoped it wouldn't affect his training. Last night, Mihawk had been willing to continue with Zoro today, even if he wasn't quite fit from his fight against Shanks, but often he was less willing to take risks when his mood dropped, and Zoro didn't feel like having to wait again after the past few days.
"And as always, your mood is miserable when Shanks was there," Jiroushin remarked dryly as he pushed his way inside past the lord of the castle, a small, thickly wrapped baby in his arms, "I should have noticed it by that alone."
Then he nodded at Zoro and for a second his familiar smile flickered across his face before he looked at Mihawk seriously again.
"I came as soon as I heard that he was traveling in these latitudes; thought I would reach you before him or at least he would still be here. As you know, my superiors are never happy when one of the four Emperors meets with one of the seven Shichibukai unannounced. What did he want?"
The Shichibukai, however, ignored Jiroushin's question and stared at the baby, who was fast asleep.
"I was serious, Jiroushin, there is nothing to talk about and my home is not a daycare, take it away. Roronoa and I will continue his training today and for that purpose, it would make more sense for you to leave."
Zoro silently agreed, relieved that, despite his whim, Mihawk probably intended to keep his word. Zoro liked Jiroushin, but he also knew that the soldier had a hard time accepting some of the paths that both Zoro and Mihawk had taken. Therefore, Zoro would really prefer him to not interfere now so that they could continue his Ultimate Training.
"The answer is no and there are things we do need to talk about. Did you even look at the subjects of the meeting before you declined Koumyou's invitation? I was only told during organizing everything a few days ago that you wouldn't come," Jiroushin objected, unimpressed. The Shichibukai only snorted at this question, which was answer enough. "Mihawk, it's about the cemetery."
There seemed to be something special about this statement, because while Zoro was just rolling his eyes with his arms crossed, he noticed how the Shichibukai's expression changed abruptly, his eyes widened a bit, his worry lines became even deeper, his cheeks even paler. Then he pressed his lips together briefly, crossed his arms, and exhaled deeply before looking at Zoro.
"I am sorry, Roronoa, but this certainly demands my attention. Your training will have to be delayed for probably a few more days."
"What?" growled Zoro. "What are you talking about? A minute ago, you said..."
"I know very well what I said. But circumstances have changed. I will travel to the Assembly of the Five Islands and only after that we will resume your training. I am aware that it is inconvenient for you, but it is what it is. Maybe it is not bad for you to recover properly for once, you are obviously still affected by the fight."
Enraged, he trudged towards the Shichibukai. "No, listen, last night we agreed..."
He fell silent. Rarely, almost never, did he let himself be impressed by the other, but just now he realized that something was different.
"There will be no discussion, Roronoa. Without me, you will not be able to continue your training and I have already informed you of my decision. Accept it or not, but do not waste my time arguing." Mihawk turned around. "Come, Jiroushin, we should go to the library. However, make sure your little horror stays quiet."
Zoro felt the anger inside him, as he always did when the other treated him like some brat, but he also knew that any disagreement would not help now, not if Mihawk was in such a mood. So he stood there, with clenched fists, while Jiroushin bowed slightly and made an apologetic gesture with his free hand, winked at him briefly, and then hurriedly followed the master of the house, his expression unusually serious again.
Zoro took a deep breath.
Then he walked back the way he had just come and went to the kitchen.
"Morning," he grumbled as he entered, "is there anything left for breakfast?"
Surprised, he stopped in the doorway, Perona hurried across the squeaky-clean kitchen and took off her apron. Usually at this time of day she was in the middle of her cooking or baking craze.
"There are still yesterday's rice balls in the fridge. Over there under the hood are some scrambled eggs from this morning. But Dracule was up early, so it's probably cold by now, probably need to reheat it," she replied without stopping. "There's no coffee left, but there's still hot water in the pot at the stove if you want to make yourself a tea."
"And what about you? What are you rushing around?" muttered Zoro, reaching for the scrambled eggs.
"I have to hurry, the supply ship is coming soon," she explained as he shoveled the cold egg into his mouth.
"So?" He had no idea when the supply ships were coming. He knew that they sailed regularly between the Sabaody Archipelago and the five islands and always came to Kuraigana on order, but he had never cared about the rest.
She snorted. "I already told you last week. I want to buy new fabric for sewing and I can only do that myself, so I'm going to the archipelago." Then she stopped. "Tell me, that was Jiroushin, right? With his child?"
Zoro nodded: "Yes, I don't know why he's doing this crap. He knows how shitty Mihawk always reacts to brats."
It wasn't as if Zoro himself was a fan of screaming babies, but they were children, nothing to be done about that. Mihawk's drama almost annoyed him more, at least the baby didn't know any better.
"He's probably scared," Perona muttered absently as she scanned some list. "Well, hopefully Jiroushin's navy battleship will let the supply ship dock at all."
"What?" Zoro laughed indignantly at her first words. "You do know who you're talking about? He's a freaking Shichibukai."
She looked at him for a moment and then rolled her eyes.
"Not in that way, you idiot," she grumbled, and then pocketed the list. "Yes, Mihawk is damn strong and he's damn irritable too. And children are weak, especially babies, presumably he is afraid of accidentally hurting them."
She shrugged her shoulders while Zoro snorted at this nonsense.
"Well, I have to go. Haven't finished packing yet. Don't set the kitchen on fire while I'm gone."
Zoro just waved his hand. He was not particularly interested in Perona's plans. Normally, the castle would be quieter during her absence, but probably not this time. However, Jiroushin's presence had one good thing, presumably Zoro would not have to take care of cooking.
He thought about Perona's words for a moment, wanting to dismiss them as nonsense.
You know I could kill you just by snapping my fingers.
I am not the type of person you want to have around your child.
I am sorry, I hurt you.
Everything went well, Jiroushin is a father now. A healthy child, strong.
Once again, I let myself be overwhelmed by my emotions and put you in danger. Something like this should not happen to someone like me.
Shaking his head, he ate his breakfast and ignored these thoughts. Whether Perona was right or not, it was none of his business.
As he went to change his clothes afterwards, they crossed ways and Perona briefly said goodbye. Maybe it was a good thing she wasn't there for the next few days. Such a stupid remark would probably make the Shichibukai mad, and that was always annoying.
Zoro had decided not to waste the coming days. It may be that he couldn't continue with the Ultimate Training without Mihawk, but still, Zoro was able to train, better than sulking.
Therefore, he had made the plan to use the days to tackle his current weak point: Lady Loreen. The last few weeks had shown him one thing. The Ultimate Training was... he couldn't put it into words – at least he couldn't really think of any – but in his other body it was simply impossible. He didn't know if he would find a solution in just a few days, but he had to at least try. Otherwise, he didn't know how to get through the coming months without Mihawk having to carry him unconscious to the castle every few weeks.
After transforming, he got started. As always, he ran his rounds to warm up, while in the distance he saw the navy ship, which was faithfully waiting for the return of its commander at the small port of Kuraigana. Zoro felt a bit sorry for the soldiers as they were parked there, while Vice Admiral and Shichibukai had a good time, then he concentrated on his own task again and hoped that a flash of inspiration would soon spark.
But it didn't. The sun was already swallowed up by the treetops of the forest when Zoro finished training. It had been good, still he hadn't found a solution. But that wouldn't stop him.
When he came into the fireplace room after showering and transforming, the two older men were already sitting at the long table and talking insistently.
"There you are," Mihawk greeted him briefly and then pointed to the little cart at the wall. "You should eat something; it is still warm."
Zoro was rather surprised that despite Perona's absence, there was actually something warm to eat, but he just nodded and when he lifted the lids, his stomach also reported that he really should eat something.
Meanwhile, the other two continued talking. Zoro took a glance at the newspaper and mainly ignored their conversation. Sure, he had been given no choice but to deal with political stuff over the past few months and understood more and more about it, but that didn't mean that he voluntarily dealt with it if he could avoid it.
His gaze fell briefly on the crib, which was only an arm's length away from Jiroushin, and he casually wondered where it had come from, the soldier did not seem to have traveled with a lot of luggage, as he rarely did when he came to Kuraigana. But Zoro didn't really care.
When he finished, he retired to the sofa and tended to his swords, while the other two argued incessantly without him listening. There was something familiar about the situation. On the Sunny, the others had often talked, and he had just been there. It had been pleasant, simple. On Kuraigana, the Shichibukai's attention was mostly focused on Zoro's training. He was grateful for it, and he also liked the conversations with the other. But he had forgotten how pleasant this background noise of foreign conversations was, on which he did not need to concentrate. There was something familiar about it, something peaceful.
At some point, Ray got restless and Jiroushin went to bed with his child, which surprised Zoro a bit. Normally, the soldier would be dropped off by his ship if he stayed overnight, but this time they apparently had to wait longer. But that wasn't his problem either, so Zoro just shrugged his shoulders and wished him a quiet night.
Sighing heavily, the Shichibukai walked over to the cart with the various flasks and poured himself some golden liquid.
"How long will Jiroushin stay?" grumbled Zoro absently, examining the blade in his hand closely. "Saw the ship. He keeps his soldiers waiting?"
"Yes, I absolutely cannot stand seeing such a ship near my island either," Mihawk agreed to something Zoro hadn't said. "But it is only until tomorrow. Unfortunately, there is a lot to talk about."
Then he came over and sank onto his chair opposite Zoro.
"I am leaving for Sasaki the day after tomorrow. The meeting is the following day, and I will be back at night. So you are only going to lose a few days." Why did he try so hard to strike a friendly tone? Was he trying to negotiate a ceasefire? "Still, you seem to be using this lost time, right? How was your day?"
Surprised, Zoro looked up from his swords. Why did this guy always know everything?
"You have been training? In your other form?"
Zoro nodded and shrugged his shoulders at the same time. "Just a normal day, nothing special."
He could see the other squinting his eyes slightly and looking at him more closely, then he sighed again.
"If I have enraged you, I apologize. I realize how important your training is, and it is also not in my interest to waste time unnecessarily, but..."
"It's fine," Zoro grumbled, waving his hand. Then he nodded over to the table where the Shichibukai had been arguing until just now. "Seems like something important, isn't it?"
The other's eyes widened briefly, then he nodded gently and lowered his gaze. "Yes, I suppose it is. I do not want to burden you with the details, but it requires my political intervention as Lord of the Five Islands."
"I get it. But next time, don't just fob me off, okay? I don't like it when you treat me like some stupid brat." Then he sighed and put away his care material. "And sorry for calling you out like that... After yesterday I was... it may only be a few days, but it still annoys me."
The other met his gaze with a gentle smile.
"I understand that very well. It was not my intention to keep you waiting, I know how restless you get when you cannot pursue your goal efficiently. And I, too, had planned something else after last night. My attention is unfortunately demanded but let me make up for it and tell me about your training. Maybe there are ways I can help you, at least in theory, if I cannot give you my time."
After his bad mood in the morning, this conciliatory tone was almost uncanny. Maybe he just had a guilty conscience or Jiroushin had spoken to his conscience, but Zoro didn't really care.
He shook his head.
"There's not much to tell. I just have..." He paused. He hadn't had a flash of inspiration, but the Shichibukai was so much smarter than he was. "There is actually something. I thought, if I can't continue training with you for the next few days, then I want to at least use the time, but I don't know how to do it."
"How to do what?"
He looked earnestly at Mihawk.
"Is there a way within this short time to make Lady Loreen stop being my Achilles heel?"
Cumbersomely, Zoro opened his eyes. It had been another long night. He had talked to Mihawk for hours. It had quickly become clear that there was no shortcut, that the difference in strength and power between his two bodies would probably always exist, but the Shichibukai had agreed with him that he should not only break the boundaries of what was humanly possible in this body if he did not want the gap between his two bodies to become unbridgeable.
But Mihawk's approach was confusing to him, and he hadn't quite understood it yet. But that wasn't necessarily something new in his training.
"Morning," he grumbled as he came into the fireplace room and stretched. Then he stopped. "Where's Jiroushin?"
The Shichibukai sat alone at the end of the long table, newspaper in one hand, a huge plate of scrambled eggs in front of him, countless sheets of paper spread out behind it. Almost at the other end of the room, however, the small crib rocked slightly.
"Good morning, Roronoa," the other greeted him without looking up. "He is not feeling well – seems to have been infected by Lirin – so he wanted to rest for a while. There is the watch that I have picked out for you. Remember to coat it so it does not break during training."
"Mhm," Zoro said, also getting some scrambled eggs, but eyeing the crib. "Is there anything in there?"
"A child, if I am not mistaken," the other replied, obviously dismissively. "Jiroushin was afraid to wake it up, so he asked me to take care of it before he went back to lie down, even though I assured him that I would not devote myself to childcare. As long as it is asleep, it does not matter to me, but otherwise..." He did not finish the sentence.
Shrugging his shoulders, Zoro sat down and ate as he put on the watch between bites.
"Are you sure that this will really help?" he muttered and briefly lifted his wrist with the watch.
The Shichibukai clicked his tongue lightly and looked up from the newspaper.
"We need to build a bridge between your two bodies, and I think this is worth a try. If you... You do not understand what I mean?"
Was it so obviously written on his face?
"All right. I will try to explain it to you in a picture, but next time tell me directly and do not wait until the next morning, it is just a waste of time." Okay, he wasn't in a better mood than the previous day. "Imagine your workout is like water you want to heat on the stove. I give you a pot, you fill it with water and put it on the stove. The water is getting warmer and warmer. Then I give you another pot and tell you to heat water in it as well. So, you fill this pot as well, take the first pot off the stove and place the second one on top. The water is getting warmer and warmer, but the water in the first pot is slowly cooling down. So, you take the second pot down again and put the first one on it. This goes on and on, in the end you really manage to get the water boiling, but never in both pots at the same time. Do you understand?"
It cost him a long moment, but then he nodded.
"So, what would be your solution if you want to boil the water in both pots at the same time?"
Zoro didn't yet understand what the other was getting at.
"Uhm... I don't know how… dump the water from both pots into one?"
Then the other nodded: "Not a bad idea at all. However, one is soup and the other is a – presumably indigestible – tea. So you do not want to mix them up."
"You didn't say that before," Zoro grumbled, dissatisfied because he didn't know what this parable was supposed to mean. "I don't know what you're getting at. I understand that the two pots are meant to represent my bodies and... the content of the different training. But..."
Slowly, it dawned on him.
"You want me to cook both at the same time... Train... both at the same time...?" He looked at the other. "How?"
The Shichibukai showed his playful grin, as he often did when he was satisfied. "Through a connection, Roronoa. You cannot change the pots or the contents, so what is the solution?"
Zoro shrugged his shoulders, simply not knowing. "Stop this comparison and just tell me what to do. You know I can't cook, I don't understand this crap."
"But the answer is so simple," sighed the other, condescendingly. "You have to train in a way that benefits both of your bodies."
Zoro snorted. "What do you think I've been doing for the past few months...?"
"No," the Shichibukai objected outright. "I already explained it to you yesterday. Over the past few months, you have – we have – created an ideal concept for both of your bodies in order to train the respective body in the best possible way. Different training methods, different requirements, which we have adapted again and again whenever you have transformed. So you could never stay with one concept throughout training, you had to interrupt and start again and again, and that is exactly what you have to change now. It is time to develop a unified concept that you follow step by step, no matter what body you are in. This is the only way you will be able to pass the Ultimate Training in the long term, you know? You have to make a connection between the two concepts in order to improve in both bodies, even if you train in the other body."
He thought about these words. He couldn't really understand what this had to do with the cooking pots, but he slowly understood these words.
"If we can find a good way, the goal would be for even your fighting style to be unified between your two forms in such a way that the change between the two bodies, the change from the one to the three-sword style, takes place without the slightest break. However, there is still a very long way to go," the other remarked as he folded his newspaper and took away his empty plate. "I do not think a few days will be enough, but it is a start."
Zoro ignored the clatter of dishes but ate up. "So that's why the watch. You said I had to switch between the two bodies more often."
"Exactly, and it would also be good to know how much time passes before you can transform back into your body. For this, the watch, to stop time while you are in your female body, and to limit your time in this body. The more often you do it, the smoother the transitions become. Remember to adjust your clothes accordingly, as we discussed yesterday."
Zoro still doubted that it would really make a difference, but at least it gave him something to do, the next few days.
"By the way, would you be so kind to bring this to Jiroushin? He should eat something and take medication. Perona is not there, otherwise I would tell her to." He put a tray on the table. "In the meantime, I will retire to the library to master this unpleasant obligation."
"Fine," Zoro groaned in exasperation, "but Mihawk?"
"Yes?" The Shichibukai was already halfway out the door and looked at Zoro suspiciously, rightly so.
"Somebody has to stay with Ray."
Grinning, Zoro stood up and took advantage of the other's indignant moment to push past him with the tray. But he didn't waste a thought on his face, he was too tense before this new task.
Mihawk claimed this new way would help him get through the Ultimate Training, but Zoro had no idea how exactly that was going to work. Perhaps Jiroushin could simplify the Shichibukai's complicated words a little more. Zoro already understood roughly what he had to do. But he didn't see how it could be helpful to generalize his well-tailored routines now just so he could do the same thing in both bodies. Wasn't that exactly what he had not been supposed to do at the beginning of his training on Kuraigana? Wouldn't it simply mean that he would have to adapt to his weak body and then make less progress in his real body as well? Zoro just didn't get it.
But when he opened the door across from Mihawk's bedroom, he knew he couldn't count on Jiroushin's help.
"You should really get in some fresh air," he grumbled, placing the tray on some table and strode towards the huge windows. The air in the room was heavy and stuffy, giving him the feeling of getting sick just by inhaling. Creaking, the frames gave way.
An indefinable moan escaped the pile of blankets from the bed, followed by a wheezing cough.
Rolling his eyes, Zoro walked over. "Mihawk said you should... Duh, you do look shitty... and old."
A sickly old man with squinted eyes and a swollen, red snotty nose blinked at him.
"I'm assuming you're going to stay in bed today?"
"Mhm," came a wistful confirmation.
"Okay, I'll let Mihawk know, I'm sure he'll be pissed off."
"What... wait a minute, Zoro."
He felt as if a half-dead man was calling him, but he stopped, unsure of what was coming.
A few minutes later, Zoro hurried through the castle again, dissatisfied. All these errands stole the time he needed to train.
"Hey," he grumbled and burst into the fireplace room, slammed the hot teapot on the table and threw the backpack next to it. "Jiroushin is knocked out and stays in bed, almost looking like he's dying. Don't think he's going to do paperwork with you again today."
The Shichibukai sighed loudly but did not look up. "I had already feared it. His disease progression is always short, but for that... dramatic."
"Well, if that's what you say. I'm definitely going out now, training."
"Do that," replied the other, still rather absent.
"And Jiroushin asked me to thank you for him. Here is hot water and, in the backpack, powdered milk with instructions."
"W... Excuse me?"
Zoro was at the door again.
"Well, you have to take care of Ray. Jiroushin is sick, Perona is not there, and someone has to do it."
Mihawk looked at him as if Zoro had dared to ask him to take care of a toddler. "No. Roronoa, I am not going to waste my time on this child. Should Jiroushin take care of it or you have to..."
"I am going to train now," Zoro interrupted him coldly, "and Jiroushin doesn't do anything. You're the godfather, so act like that. Plus, it's not exactly complicated. Baby screams, bottle up. Baby keeps crying, changing diapers, and otherwise just be present. You'll survive."
He could hear the other calling him, but Zoro absolutely did not see the point of listening. Mihawk was an adult, absolutely capable of watching his best friend's baby for some hours while working through his stupid papers. Zoro had already done enough and now had to see how he could implement his training in a meaningful way. Because he still wasn't convinced that a stupid watch would help him in any way, that Lady Loreen wouldn't hinder him so much anymore.
Snorting, he took off his boots and walked down the steps. Since he was not supposed to interrupt his training for the transformations, his clothes had to fit in both bodies, so he would train barefoot.
Once at the bottom, he set the clock. Half an hour didn't seem like a bad idea to start with. Then he ran.
But his training did not to last long. After only a few hours, he had to interrupt. Dissatisfied, he stared at the small watch in his hand, the damned Shichibukai had warned him, but Zoro had been inattentive, now it was broken.
He could already hear the scolding voice of his teacher, it promised to be an annoying conversation. But Zoro was still not convinced by this new approach and perhaps another conversation would bring clarity. Because so far it had only been annoying. He didn't like the feeling of transformation and all the back and forth not only drained his strength and patience but had also made him slightly dizzy over time.
So he started his way back, dissatisfied and in a bad mood, because of spending all this unnecessary time... and now he sounded just as snobby as that damn Shichibukai!
Grumbling softly to himself, he trudged up the steps. His balance had suffered greatly, as had his power management, and his knees had given way again and again after the fourth or fifth transformation. It was probably exactly what he was supposed to train, but since he didn't know exactly what the goal was – or the path – he remained in a bad mood, perhaps a bit out of principle.
As soon as he had pushed open the gate, he could already hear footsteps.
"Don't come at me like that now," he began, as the door leading to the library and fireplace room was flung open. "I know you told me before, and yet I..."
The Shichibukai stared at him wide-eyed, his otherwise neat hairstyle disheveled. Something was wrong.
"Roronoa! Come with me!" Without another word, he rushed around and chased back, and Zoro followed without asking questions.
But the closer they got to the fireplace room, the more his tension faded and the more annoyed he became as the wailing got louder and louder.
"It won't stop!" said Mihawk, whose patience was obviously broken, and ran his fingers through his hair. "I did what you said, but it does not want to drink and screams all the time. Make it stop!"
It was a strange feeling. He didn't know if the other was kidding him or if he really meant it. Both pissed Zoro off.
"You know Ray isn't an It?" he grumbled dryly over the crying.
"I do not care! Make this child stop screaming before I forget myself."
"Fuck, you are annoying." Zoro strode towards the cradle, which was shaking by the crying. "Did you prepare the milk?"
"Of course, according to instructions. But it does not drink. I do not know what it wants. One of the terrible qualities of toddlers, that they do not verbalize their demands."
Zoro briefly looked at the other, shaking his head, then leaning over the bed with a sigh. The little baby cheeks were already red and puffy, the voice hoarse from all the screaming. The bottle of milk lay unnoticed next to the angry fists beating around. But Zoro knew what was going on.
"Are you a complete idiot, or what? One sniff is enough to know what's going on. The diaper is full, wouldn't feel like drinking lying in my own shit either." He straightened up and looked at the other, who was staring back in disbelief. "Wait, you really want to tell me you didn't come up with the idea of changing the diaper?"
He looked at this grown man, who was considered one of the strongest and most fearless people in the world, superior strategist, and clever mind, but just looked at him as if Zoro had the audacity to expect him to change a baby's diapers.
"Tze, what a godfather you are."
"Roronoa, and what are you doing?" came the suspicious reaction as he leaned over the bed again.
"What does it look like? Perona isn't there, Jiroushin is choking on his own snot, and you don't seem to be able to do anything, and I'm starting to get a headache from all this, so I'm going to change diapers now."
With the screaming and beating bundle in his arms, he straightened up and walked over to the table where the backpack stood, just hoping that everything he needed would be in there.
"Do you even know how to do that?" said the other skeptically.
"Not really, but what's the alternative? And it can't be that hard. But actually, you should do that, after all, you're the godfather here."
"No way," the Shichibukai condescendingly refused. "I told Jiroushin from the beginning that I would meet the formal requirements, but..."
"It's a baby, you snob, there are no formal requirements. If it screams, you have to take care of it. I need some kind of blanket, or do you want me to do it on the bare table?"
The Shichibukai clicked his tongue disapprovingly, but at least came over and opened the backpack. "I think I just saw some cloths in here." Again and again, he cast a dismissive, almost suspicious glance at the roaring bundle in Zoro's arm.
Zoro didn't know why Perona's words came to his mind right now, but the Shichibukai looked really suspicious, even though the situation was just annoying and frustrating, presumably for the baby among them – literally, not Mihawk, even if he acted like one – the most, so helpless and at the mercy of others. Zoro would also feel like crying.
"Is there a diaper in there? And... anything to clean?" he asked as the Shichibukai spread a cloth in front of him.
"Yes, I think this could represent a diaper. There are also more cloths here and the remaining water you brought should still be warm."
Somehow, Zoro felt like he was acting like Chopper. Except that he had no idea what Chopper was actually doing, or how to change diapers.
"Come on," he grumbled to the screaming bundle as he put Ray down on the table and Mihawk got the other things ready, "it won't get any better if you fight back."
The Shichibukai sighed: "I have to disappoint you, Roronoa, but it won't understand you."
Zoro looked dryly at the other. "And I didn't expect that."
Shaking his head, he began to unpack the little thing. "Honestly, how could you stand that smell so long... You've been at the library?" The other's look was answer enough. "Seriously, don't let Jiroushin hear that."
"It was sleeping. And when it started screaming, I came over."
"Yes, sure," Zoro grumbled, while the other turned away with a groan as Zoro opened the diaper and it now smelled really shitty. Without pulling a face, he pulled the full thing away and somehow rolled it up so that it didn't smell so bad. Then he pulled up the cloth that the Shichibukai had soaked in water, and tried to somehow clean everything more or less, while with his other hand he had to tame the child, which, of course, was still screaming; it's a wonder Jiroushin hadn't woken up from this yet.
"I need another one," he grumbled, throwing the dirty cloth to the dirty diaper. The Shichibukai did as he was told, looking even paler than usual.
"How do you know how to do that?" He sounded almost impressed.
"How to do what?", Zoro replied, rather annoyed that this bastard was acting like this. "If it's dirty, you clean it up, just like you do with yourself, it's not that complicated."
Then he took a dry cloth and rubbed everything dry, which was not so easy given the kicking legs.
"If you were to break its legs, I guess it would be easier, because it wouldn't be able to resist so much," the other interjected unhelpfully, and Zoro wasn't sure if it was irony or not. "However, then it would probably not stop screaming."
"Hand me one of the diapers," Zoro muttered, deciding not to even acknowledge this comment with a reaction, just in case it was meant seriously.
The other also did this without resistance, complaining, of course, further: "It's clean now, why doesn't it stop?"
Rolling his eyes, Zoro tried to put on the diaper, but with all the buttons and tabs, he was a bit overwhelmed. Yet he found the Shichibukai to be much more strenuous.
"I don't know, hungry I guess," he grumbled discontentedly when another button didn't want to obey. "Does it have to be like this?"
Several times the diaper burst open, as he apparently did not put it on properly. And the Shichibukai was no help, dropping oh so clever comments, but being just annoying.
"One more word and you can do it yourself," he growled at the other, who only raised his hands defensively, but Zoro had finally succeeded. "Well, that looks pretty good."
Ray was still crying, but by now seemed tired enough that Zoro could stuff the little arms and legs into the baby clothes without much resistance.
"Why won't it stop?"
"Weren't you listening? And since when have you been saving on the use of your grey matter? You have enough of it, use it," Zoro grumbled, grabbing the little tormenter.
"Roronoa, you are... Oh..."
Zoro had walked over to the crib and fetched the bottle. It had only taken a moment and now Ray was sucking in a hurry, although one or the other angry hiccup still came out.
Zoro breathed a sigh of relief, at last the room was quiet except for a faint whining every now and then; his ears were already hurting.
"You silenced it."
"Don't say it like that. That almost sounds like I killed your best friend's child." Shaking his head, he glanced at the other before refocusing on the child in his arms. "But what the hell is wrong with you that you act like this as soon as a child is present? We could have prevented all of this if you had just stayed here from the beginning and changed the diaper in time."
"That option did not exist," the other declined outright, without explaining himself. Then he started cleaning up and took the dirty cloths away, wherever, Zoro didn't care.
When the bottle was empty, he put it away and despite some minor whining, it was obvious that sleep was already winning the battle. Sighing, Zoro strode across the room, setting a calm rhythm with his arms, hoping that Ray would soon give in. Zoro was annoyed. First Mihawk hadn't let him train for days, then he had simply postponed their training for more days – just after he had fought Shanks and finally knew what the goal was – and now Zoro had to play babysitter just because the Shichibukai himself was too snobbish for it.
At the same time, he couldn't really be angry with the child in his arms – no, he put all the blame on the damned Shichibukai! – and when the little eyes finally closed, he realized that it was difficult for him to stay angry, even though he tried really hard. Somehow, this quiet, calm breath had a soothing effect.
"Once again, you are surprising me, Roronoa. You seem to be good with children, but I recall you saying that you were not fit to be a father."
He didn't even look up, but continued to walk steadily through the room, not yet trusting this faint peace.
"Just because I don't let a child scream until dawn doesn't mean I'd be a good father," he grumbled, now in a worse mood again. "Anyone can take care of a child for a few hours – almost anyone, you obviously don't! – but that doesn't mean you should have children."
"And yet you did not even hesitate."
"Because you behaved like a complete idiot." Now he looked up and glared angrily at the other. But Mihawk showed an almost curious smile, and he examined Zoro as if he were some strange species. "Tze, whatever."
Zoro spun around and continued to walk in his slow rhythm as his cheeks warmed.
"Thank you, Roronoa. Without you, it would have been a very exhausting evening."
"No, if it weren't for me, you would have just had to do it yourself. It's really not that hard and you..." He paused and slowly turned to the other. "Could it be that you've never held a child?"
Now the Shichibukai tilted his head slightly, as if Zoro's behavior was the unusual one among them.
"Of course not, what a question. I cannot remember the last time I had a conversation with someone, whose age has not reached the full dozen."
It shouldn't really surprise Zoro, after all, Mihawk didn't like people in general and children were certainly scared of him, but somehow it explained a lot.
It wasn't as if Zoro himself really knew much about children, but both in the dojo and during his journey, he had always met younger people, children, even babies. He had never really thought about it, children were annoying, but they were there, and they needed help.
Again he remembered Perona's words.
"Do you want to hold Ray?" he asked. "After all, you're the godfather."
"Oh no, no need," the other waved off with a soft snort and walked over to his chair, "people have nannies for that. I see no need to hold this child."
Zoro made a decision.
"But there are no nannies here," he grumbled coldly. "It's just you, me, and Jiroushin down in bed. But as I know him, he will want to take a picture of you and Ray at the baptism at the latest. Of course, it would be so embarrassing if you didn't even know how to hold a baby. In front of the whole Cho family. They'll all want to show you how to do it right and it's probably going to be the topic by dinner. The great Dracule Mihawk, who is afraid of holding a baby."
He grinned broadly, but the Shichibukai stared at him annoyed.
"I see what you are doing, Roronoa," he remarked, narrowed his eyes.
"And? Is it working?" Zoro replied, withstanding that look far too easily.
It took several breaths for the other's pride to prevail, and he snorted again before rising.
"All right. It cannot be that hard if even you can do it."
"One more comment and I'm telling Jiroushin that you left his child unattended while he was sick in bed."
"That is an empty threat, Roronoa. We both know that you do not care for such actions, and it is quite obvious that I won't even try to hide it from Jiroushin. I told him, I am not suitable as a babysitter."
They looked at each other for a moment, then Zoro gave in and just rolled his eye. But it was the Shichibukai who stood nervously in the middle of the room when Zoro walked towards him.
"Exactly, just like that," Zoro muttered, and bedded Ray in Mihawk's arms, who stood there frozen. "Make sure that the head leans against your arm and doesn't bend backwards and not much more can happen."
He looked up at the Shichibukai, who looked at the child in his arms with an illegible expression on his face. Had he ever seen a baby up close?
"And... What now?" he asked suspiciously.
"Nothing now. Ray is asleep, you can just sit down, walk around or whatever. I'm definitely going to wash my hands now."
"Wait, Roronoa, you cannot just..."
"You have a child in your arms, not a bomb. Nothing will happen as long as you stay calm."
"I'd much rather have a bomb."
When Zoro came back a few minutes later, the Shichibukai walked around the room with Ray in his arms, just as Zoro had done before. He even seemed to copy Zoro's rhythm, even though it had no deeper meaning.
But still the night was quiet, and the castle had not yet burned down, Zoro considered this a success.
"I have been thinking, Roronoa," said the Shichibukai, looking up at him for a moment before lowering his gaze again, as if holding a baby was a task that required the highest concentration, "and I want to ask you something. Well aware that you are probably anything but well-minded towards me at the moment. Your aura easily shows how dissatisfied you are."
"Does that surprise you?" grumbled Zoro. "First you let me twiddle my thumbs for days, then you postpone our training for more days and now I have to serve as a nanny because you're overwhelmed with holding a child."
With his arms crossed, he leaned against the dinner table.
"So? What do you want from me?"
Mihawk sighed. "If Jiroushin does not feel better tomorrow, could you imagine accompanying him? I would do it myself, but I do not have the time to waste hours on a slow naval freighter. I must leave tomorrow morning with the coffin boat to get to Sasaki in time. I will now have to attend further appointments, as I cannot count on Jiroushin's support at the meeting. But I could pick you up at Jiroushin's island after you arrive."
Zoro wanted to yell at the other about what this crap was all about, but then he stopped and thought.
"Why do you want me to do this? Do you trust the soldiers to betray their own superior in a moment of weakness? Or do you think that none of the fathers and mothers on board could make a better babysitter than me?"
Now the other looked at him again as condescendingly as Zoro knew from him.
"Your sarcasm is undesirable. But even if these dangers did not exist" – "They do not exist, you idiot" – "it cannot be ignored that Jiroushin is not fit to fight in his present condition, and I certainly do not need to enlighten you about the battle strengths of ordinary marines."
Zoro remained silent while the other continued to make his rounds, trying to understand the other's motives.
"All right," he decided under the surprised look of the other, who had certainly expected more resistance. "But only under one condition."
"And what would that be?" Mihawk asked suspiciously.
Zoro lifted the broken watch. "I understand what you want from me, but I don't understand exactly how to do it, nor what it's supposed to do for me. And I want you to explain it to me until I really get it."
The Shichibukai tilted his head slightly and examined the watch.
"But it is really not that hard to understand. Oh well, for all I care, if you can finally take this... Oh." He had lowered his gaze back to the baby in his arms and stopped.
"What's wrong?" Zoro muttered, while the other stared illegibly at Ray.
"It is strange," Mihawk murmured calmly, "but just... what a cruel weapon."
"Huh?" Now Zoro was starting to get suspicious. "What are you talking about? What kind of weapon?"
"Well, this child. It... it has Jiroushin's smile."