Tabitha sighed as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. The dress that her father had bought for her graduation ceremony was nice, but it just didn't feel right now that the moment had come. She knew that he had meant well, that he had wanted all of them to have the very best of everything since Mum had died, but it seemed like they were the only two who remembered her, three years later. Looking around her room, Tabitha's gaze drifted over the pictures that she had of her, finally stopping on her favourite. It was one of the last pictures she had taken, in Dave's back yard, and they both looked so incredibly happy in it.
Stepping over to it, Tabitha reached out and ran her thumb over the glass that covered her mother's face, fighting back the quick tears that prickled her eyes. "I still don't understand why that man murdered you, Mum. I don't know why Dave only contacts us now on our birthdays and Christmas. I should be sharing this achievement with you, you should be preparing me to head off to college. I deferred a year, since I still don't know what direction I want to take. This entire last year, all I've been able to think about, outside school, is what you would want from me in life."
Closing her eyes, she allowed a few tears to roll down her eyes before she reached behind her back and ran the zipper down her spine before tugging it off and laying it out on her bed. She would save the outfit for her graduation party, where more people would see it. Stepping over to her closet, she pushed aside all of her clothes until she reached the things that she had saved from her mother's wardrobe. A wide smile spread across her lips when she felt the silk of the caftan robe that covered the dress she wanted.
Pulling out the hangar, she took a few short breaths, trying not to break down in sobs as she looked at the garments. She had helped her mother choose this dress for JJ's wedding, a year before her murder, and so felt like it was the perfect thing to wear on this night, of all nights. Heading back to her bed, she dropped the caftan robe onto the mattress before undoing the zipper on the back, hoping beyond hope that it would fit. She was a few inches taller than her mother had been, so she knew that it would be a little shorter on her than it had been on her mum, but she hoped the overall fit would be right. Drawing in a deep breath, she stepped into the dress, contorting her arms so that she could run the zipper up her back before she stepped over to her mirror and took a look at her reflection.
Though the dress aged her a little, it fit perfectly, and she nodded at herself before stepping over to her vanity and quickly applying her makeup, trying to replicate something that was akin to what her mother would have worn. Then she picked up the pendant that Dave had given her for Christmas, the last Christmas, and fastened it around her neck. Smiling at her reflection once more, Tabitha stood up and grabbed the caftan robe, shrugging into it, even though she knew that she'd have to lose it when she had to put on her graduation robe and cap.
Taking one last look around her bedroom, Tabitha let out a long breath as she turned and left, hurrying down the stairs and into the living room where the rest of her family was waiting for her. "Way to cut it fine there, Tabby-cat," Bruce said when she crossed the threshold, and she shook her head before lightly smacking the back of his head as she passed him.
"It took me time to decide what I wanted to wear tonight," she replied as she walked over to her father's chair, sinking down onto the arm of it as she waited for the reaction to her outfit.
"Isn't that Mother's dress?" Karen blurted out after looking at Bruce questioningly. Tabitha nodded, and her sister frowned deeply. "That's creepy."
"Why is it creepy, Kare? We don't have her here to tell us that she's proud of us, she was stolen from us by some bastard who thought that he could play God. And I am really missing her tonight, because all I want is to have her hug me and tell me that she loves me!"
She hated the fact that she sounded so irrational, so upset, but she had no control over her emotions in that moment, since she didn't like the tone of Karen's question. Bruce gave her a pitying look, which just served to upset her even more. "Tabby-cat, we have to move on. Yes, we all miss her. Yes, we're all angry that John Curtis murdered her when she had just started to get things together again. But holding on to the past won't allow us to move into the future. And you know that she would want us to take those steps into our future. But you do look nice in that dress, even if it does make you look forty."
Tabitha stuck her tongue out at her brother before looking over at her father. He was crying quietly, a tender smile on his lips, and she tilted her head a little, trying to figure out where those tears were coming from. "I don't look forty, do I, Daddy?"
"No, princess, you look like your mother when I first met her. Or at least, my memory of her from then. Remind me to tell you the story of our summer fling between high school and college. I can't tell you now, I don't want to make you more emotional before the ceremony tonight."
She nodded and kissed his cheek lightly before getting to her feet. "I just wanted to feel closer to her for one more night. I can start to move on in the coming year, because of my gap year, but tonight, I can have one last bit of melancholy and nostalgia."
Tabitha cleared her throat, trying to move the lump of unshed tears there. She felt her father stand up behind her, resting his hand on her shoulder, and she turned into him, hugging him tightly as they both shuddered a little. "All right, let's get you to the high school. Your mother would kill me if I got you there late."
Tabitha nodded before giving her father another tight squeeze, and then she stepped away from him to pat her fingers beneath her eyes. "Do my eyes look puffy?" she asked Karen as they walked out to the garage, and her older sister shook her head lightly. "Good. And my mascara didn't run?"
"No, you look perfectly pretty. And too much like Mama. I'm sorry for reacting badly, but I think it was partly shock."
Tabitha gave Karen a soft smile as she nodded. "I was going for a certain look, since I do want her to be here tonight. Tomorrow, can you pick me up from the lock in? That way we can talk about her, and not make Daddy sad?"
"Of course, Tabs." Karen smiled back as they clambered into the back seat of their father's car, and then they began to talk quietly about how the night would go. Tabitha felt more than a little nervous, since she was the last of them to graduate, and while she wasn't valedictorian, like Bruce had been, she had still worked hard for her top ten finish. But that also meant she was just a part of the graduating class, and didn't know how that would go. "Don't look so worried! You're going to be fine."
"What if I trip and fall? What if I make a fool of myself in front of everyone?"
Karen chuckled lightly as she shook her head. "Your skirt is short enough where that won't be a problem, and I'm assuming you're going to skip wearing the caftan under your robe?" Tabitha nodded. "Then you won't have to worry about that tripping you up, either. Just, think of how Mama would comport herself, and you'll be fine. That's what I did when I walked across the stage."
"Really?" she asked softly, and Karen nodded. "That makes me feel so much better. I think that I can do that." She scooted closer to her sister, resting her head on Karen's shoulder as she let out a long sigh. "You do think that she would have been proud of me? Even though I wasn't top of my class?"
"Yes. She loved us so much, Tabs. So much. So now, we carry her love and pride onwards, so that the pain of losing her is lessened. I know I sounded so cold earlier, but I'm really trying to grow a callous over that raw wound in my heart. I do miss her, Tabitha, I just don't want to live in my sadness."
She nodded and reached out for her sister's hand, threading their fingers together as they fell quiet and listened to the music that their father was playing, a sad smile spreading across Tabitha's lips when she recognized it as Joni Mitchell, her mother's favourite singer. She met her father's eyes in the rearview mirror, and they shared a sad smile as he continued to drive, and she thought about the night to come.