Chapter 4

Elain had slept for two days straight; Mor had placed her in a guest room and had shown Nesta the room next to her. No one tried to wake her they just checked she was still breathing and if she had a temperature. When Elain finally opened her eyes she darted her eyes around the room, it was dark and she had no idea how long she had been here, she didn't recognise the room or anything in there, it certainly wasn't her bedroom, the room smelt like Jasmine mixed with her own scent, she never realised how she smelt before, she smelt like roses and honey, it was slightly comforting, it reminded her of home apart from the jasmine. There was a noise and Elain's eye darted to the sound, there was someone sat in a chair in the corner, they appeared to be asleep and there head was rested to one side and a blanket was around them, a book sat on a small table with a empty goblet, Elain realised it was female who ever it was and they wore there hair very similar to Nesta but this person was taller then Nesta. The person opened their eyes, and Elain saw Nesta's eyes staring back at her "Elain?" the person began to rise, they had Nesta's voice but this wasn't Nesta, this was a female fae, why did it look like her sister? Why did it have her eyes? Her voice? Where were her sisters? Where were she, Elain started to panic, her breathing became erratic and she was struggling to catch breath, the Nesta imposter began to walk towards her and Elain started screaming from the top of her lungs.

Azriel came round the day after they had gotten back, he couldn't move well due to where he was struck but he was healing, he knew it would be a short while before he could start work and training again, he was sat in his room conversing information from his shadows when he heard a scream coming from the room above him, he knew that scream as it haunted his nightmares, it was the most heartbreaking sound he ever had heard in his life and he knew who it belong to. He got to his feet as quickly as he could and started to make his way up the stairs. As he got to Elain's room, he saw Rhysand was already inside trying to calm Elain and Nesta with a grave look on her face, he never seen her like that before, "get away from me!" he heard her fragile voice whimper out. Azriel slowly entered the room "Elain?" he said softly, and he saw her dart her face towards him as he said her name, her eyes widened and then filled with tears, and she began to run to him. She roughly grabbed hold of his arm and he could see the fear in her eyes but not fear of him, she could feel her hands shaking as she held onto him "w who is that" she points a trembling finger at Nesta, Nesta slowly moves towards Elain her hands out in surrender "its me Elain, its Nesta" Nesta voice sounded strained and hurt, Elain shook her head violently and turned her gaze back to him "Azriel who is it? What is it pretending to be my sister?" she buries her face in his torso as if the sight of Nesta is far to terrifying. He gently places a hand on top of her head, and he feels her jump to his touch then immediately start to calm " its is Nesta Elain, you were" he clears his throat as his voice starts to fail him " you were both turned by the cauldron, she is your sister Nesta, it is still her even if her appearance is different". Elain begins to weep into him "take me home Azriel, take me home please" he swallows deeply " I cannot, it's not safe for you" she quickly pulls away from him and looks into his eyes, she looks betrayed by him, she quickly grabs Rhysand " please Rhysand, take me home!" Rhysand wraps he arms around her and softly says " I can't little one, I'm so sorry" he holds her tightly to himself and she starts to pound her hands on him, he closes his eyes trying to keep his emotions in tact letting her take her own emotions out on him " I promised Feyra I would keep you safe her" he softly says, she tries to pull away but he just holds her until her body goes limp in his arms. He picks her up and gently places her back in her bed and walks over to Azriel, once he's up to him he places his hand on his shoulder " leave them, it's a lot for them both to take in, ill be just outside if they need anyone, go and get more rest" his voice was almost a whisper, Azriel had never seen his brother so drained before, even when he came back from under the mountain he was better then this. Azriel nodded his head and went back to his room, once there he signalled for his shadows to watch over Elain, Nesta and Rhys.

Days had turned into weeks and Elain couldn't tell when one day turned into another, she could barely tell when she was awake or when she was asleep, the only thing that assured her it was another day where the two beings who changed her out of her day clothes to her night clothes, she didn't register there presence, there faces or there voices, she just felt there gentle hands changing her, she knew Nesta had brought food for her, various people try and talk to her but she couldn't hear them or really see, it was like she was still engulfed in the nothingness that was the cauldron. When she closed her eyes, she would see Feyra surrounded by enemies, shed she her in company of the red haired male and that blonde beast, there was another woman there too, whenever Elain saw that other woman she would feel dread and start screaming. Whenever the red hair male would appear the pain in her rib would stab again, it was always there but only got worse when she saw him. She knew Feyra wasn't here, she didn't hear her voice or sense her presence like she had with everyone else, even Azriel she could sense watching her always watching but never spoke. But Feyra was in danger, why was no one saving her sister?

Each night Azriel would be awoken by Elain screaming and each night, he, Nesta, Rhysand and Cassian would try and comfort her, for weeks she would run to him asking what Nesta was and he would have to explain over and over what had happened and she would beg him to take her home and he would have to refuse, each night he would go back to his room his heart ripped out from her pain, if the cauldron had killed her would it be less painful then this? In a way it did kill her, this is not Elain anymore, gone was that woman full of life and happiness, now all she knew was fear and pain, Ariel wished there was anything he could do to help her. Weeks went by until she stopped asking what Nesta was, she would still awaken screaming and they would all still go to her, but she would just ask them to take her home, she wouldn't eat and was losing wait so quickly, Azriel was seeing her wither away before is very eyes. One morning his shadows came to him frantic and Azriel ran to her room, he opened the door quickly and she was stood at the window, the dress she wore barely fit her, he had personally gone to their house and brough Elain's and Nesta belongings her, he felt Elain wearing fae clothing would be too much for her and needed some normality. "Elain?" he slowly walks over to her, she doesn't move at the sound of his voice, she hardly acknowledges anything anymore apart from her nightmares, "I was going to be a mother" she says, her voice horse from her nightly screaming, her hand hovers over her stomach from what Azriel can tell with her back to him "I was going to be his wife, we were going to be a happy family, everything was going to be perfect" she trails off and Azriel swallows, he can feel his own eyes prickling, "he took everything away from me…I had no choice…..no say…..no consent…. I saw…..everyone I love die…..my humanity raped from me" her fragile legs give out and he catches her, he cradles her in his arms and is unable to stop his own tears "I'm so sorry Elain" she turns her head "you didn't do this to me" she looks into his eyes and they're slightly fogged over, there is no life left in them, they are hollow "I should of protected you" he barely got the word out and she gave him a sympathetic look then closed her eyes, she had passed out again.

Elain was sitting in front of a giant window looking onto dark mountains, suddenly her rib started to pull, and the pain intensified. She thought she heard Feyra's voice thought she sensed her presence, but Feyra was dead, that beast had killed her, she saw it in her sleep. It took a few more days or was its weeks for Elain to realise Feyra was here, and she wasn't dead, her days still flowed into each other but when she awoken, she knew where she were, no one had harmed or came for her since she was here. She wondered if Greysen was looking for her, they should have been married by now, she should be his lady and happy, thinking about starting a future but she was here across the wall and she was fae, he would understand though, she could she have what she saw, if he truly loved her this shouldn't make a difference. She caught part of a conversation and heard his name mentioned "ill go and talk to him" the words came out before she even knew what she was saying, they somehow agreed, and she was to go and talk to him with them. She didn't like the idea of the others coming with her, did they truly think he would harm her? They were in love, surely their love is stronger than this?

Azriel watched as Elain spoke to her lover and watched as that same lover broke her heart and humiliated her in front of everyone, he could easily slaughter everyone who was against her in this room within a heartbeat. He knew this wouldn't work but he also knew Elain needed the closure so she could move on, but this man was not worth her tears or shame. He placed his hands into fists at the side of himself so tightly his knuckles cracked, he could rip this man from limb to limb for even breathing the same air as Elain. "Calm down" Rhysand demanded through his mind, "if you react it'll make her feel worse" Azriel gritted his teeth, he knew his brother was right but that didn't change how furious he was feeling, Azriel knew his composure hadn't slipped but also knew he was not the only one feeling this way in this room.

Elain got her answer, her hopes where shattered and her fears became real, he didn't want her, she was now his enemy. She rose as elegantly as she possibly could and started to walk out, as soon as she left his estate and was willowed back to the house of wind her resolve crumbled and she fell into Feyra's arms, Nesta hand on her shoulder, the others left the three sisters alone and Elain cried her heart out until she couldn't cry anymore and passed out from her grief. She didn't know which sister did it but one of them took her to her room and placed her in her bed, she was still clothed and was awoken by a gentle tap on her door, she stayed silent until she heard him "Elain?" his voice was so quiet and gentle, she saw the door open slowly and Azriel appeared behind it "there's something I need to show you, if you'll allow me?" he placed his hand out in front of himself for her and she got up from her bed and slowly walked over to him and took his hand.

Her hand was so small, and delicate compared to his and freezing cold, her face so sunken in but she still looked beautiful, he led her outside to a small flower bed that with a singular white flower blooming, in front of the bed is a stone bench and he sits her down then sits next to her. "I brought this flower across the wall, I wanted you to see it, its called a night queen and only blooms once a year but when it does its absolutely beautiful" he swallows "it reminds me of you" he pauses and looks away his checks warming "I want you to remember that even in the darkness life and beauty can still bloom, and that things that happen don't define who we are" he let out a gentle shy " I'm not good with words but what I'm trying to say is even after what has happened to you Elain, I know your still you inside, even if your outside is different, I know you can over come this, and like the night queen you will bloom again" she doesn't respond but he feels her head gently rest on his shoulder and he knew she understood, he will do what ever he can to help her over come this trauma and only when she's ready will be allow her to know his feelings, only when she is ready. They both stay there for many hours watching the night queen, they stay until morning starts to break and he can feel she has asleep, he cradles her into his arms and brings her to her room, as he reaches her room he sees Nesta inside looking worried and then furious when he sees him carrying Elain "she's going to be alright" is all he says when he places her back into her bed and leaves her to Nesta.