10/13/2024

Helloooooo long time no see! The last time I updated this fic I was in college and since then I graduated and have now been working full time for over five years. It's crazy how fast time flies, right?

That being said, I am so incredibly sorry for the delay in posting this. I actually wrote everything you're about to read in 2016, but I hand wrote it so typing it up was a big effort as this chapter is over 9k words long. I haven't edited this much from what I originally wrote so please excuse any errors. I also think there should probably be another scene of Alfred's pov somewhere in here but I just don't have the inspiration to write it.

I unfortunately don't have anything else written up for this fic after this chapter. I know how the story ends, so I think what I'll do is write up a summary of everything that happens and post it here as a final chapter so any long time readers get closure. I'm sad that I don't have the motivation to formally write the rest of the fic but at this point I don't want to keep this thing unfinished any longer. It's literally been making me feel guilty since I last updated it lol.

Finally I just want to say thank you so much to everyone and anyone who read this. I always thought no one remembered or cared about it since it's been so long since I last posted anything for it, but throughout the years I've gotten many kind reviews here and asks on my tumblr about how much people love this fic and are looking for a continuation. It's these messages that finally pushed me to finish typing up this chapter.

If you'd like to find me, I'm on ao3 and twitter under the same username, decembercamie. I'm also on tumblr under the username decembercamiecherries.

Okay, that's it. Onward with the fic!

-o0o-

Alhliða, center of No-Man's-Land

Alfred saw Arthur, and for a few seconds he could do nothing but stare at him blankly.

"Alfred," the Queen of Spades whispered, eyes shining bright with an emotion Alfred couldn't name.

It was the simple sound of his name that pushed Alfred's shell-shocked mind back into overdrive.

It was Arthur—Arthur was here, in No-Man's-Land. A mix of emotions threatened to overwhelm him. He was happy to see Arthur despite himself yet dismayed because he had promised, didn't he? To neutralize anyone who found him? Actually, how did the Queen find him?

And, more importantly, why did the Queen find him?

"Why are you here?" he asked as he rose to his feet, deciding it would be better to get straight to the point.

His question broke the weirdly intense stare Arthur had been giving him and the Queen blinked. "Excuse me?"

Alfred's jaw clenched. "Why. Are. You. Here?" You heard what I said about neutralizing anyone who came after me, right?"

"I—of course I did!" Arthur sputtered, standing as well. "I just—"

He stopped, mouth hanging open as his gaze fell on something at Alfred's side. Alfred followed his gaze then inhaled sharply.

He had forgotten that Washington D.C. was still clutched in his right hand.

"Alfred," Arthur began and Alfred tightened his grip on the Eternal Implement. "Is that what I think it is?"

Alfred was sick of lying. He didn't want to do it any more. So he said simply, "Yes."

It looked like Arthur's eyes were going to pop out of his head. "But that should be in Spades! How did you—"

"I found it," Alfred said sharply, defensively. "I didn't steal it."

Something similar to comprehension flickered across Arthur's face. "I never said that."

"I'm sure you were thinking it, though," Alfred said bitterly. It was natural to think such a thing.
"I was not."

Alfred didn't believe him.

"I'm not giving it back," he responded instead.

Arthur gave him a small smile. "I wouldn't dream of it. If it found you once, it would surely find you again. Eternal Implements are funny like that."

Alfred's brow furrowed. This conversation was not going the way he thought it would. Why was Arthur acting so calm?

Maybe he wasn't the real Arthur?

The thought sent a jolt through him. But it was a possibility, right? The Aces weren't strangers to trickery or illusions. But how could he make sure of the truth?

He rubbed his thumb across Washington D.C.'s surface. It was hot in his grip. Weirdly hot, actually. He shifted his grip and his fingers touched the face of the clock—

He stiffened in surprise as the visions poured into his find,a s fast and fleeting as lightning. Arthur peaking with Yao, entering the Wormhole to the border of No-Man's-Land, getting lost and stumbling across Alfred's clearing—

He blinked again to find Arthur watching him with a concerned frown. He pressed his lips into a thin line.

Damn. So this was the real Arthur.

That made this whole situation a ton harder on him.

Arthur began, "Are you—?"

Alfred interrupted, "Who else is here?" If Arthur found him, there was no doubt the others would soon follow if they weren't already.

Arthur squared his shoulders, raised his chin up high. "I came by myself. Eleana the fairy helped me find this place."

Again, Alfred was struck speechless. Why would Eleana help Arthur find him if she worked directly for the Aces? Was the Ace trying to somehow trick him into neutralizing the Kingdoms by baiting Arthur?

Alfred grit his teeth so hard it hurt. It didn't matter what the Ace wanted. He wouldn't deliberately neutralize Arthur despite what he said back in Spades. He was one of his best friends, no matter what Arthur himself thought. They would have been ruling partners of Spades.

He simply cared too much to follow through with his threat.

The realization caused his eyes to burn with unshed tears. Whether they were born of rage or remorse, he didn't know. Maybe it was a bit of both, along with frustration.

He wouldn't and couldn't neutralize Arthur. Fine. But that didn't mean Alfred refused to defend himself if pressed. He would not die here.

"Why would you come here alone?" Alfred asked, voice thick with emotion.

Arthur frowned. "Are you alright?" Arthur moved forward and Alfred stiffened in apprehension.

"Stay back!" he barked out and Arthur immediately stopped. "Don't come any closer!"

There was a tense pause.

"Yao must stay in Spades," Arthur explained hesitantly. He looked like he wanted to reach out to Alfred again but mercifully didn't. "There must always be one Triumvirate member in the Kingdom during times of war. Besides—"

"Couldn't he just teleport you here, grab me then leave?" Alfred asked bluntly.

"Beijing doesn't work in No-Man's-Land. Some Eternal Implements won't, depending on their ability. London, for example, is fine. I am not sure of the others, however."

Alfred stored away the useful information. It was a small comfort to discover the Triumvirates wouldn't find him through Beijing.

"Regardless," Arthur continued, "we did not know where you had sent yourself. No one before you ever created Wormholes apart from Yao so there was never a need to track where previous Wormholes had opened to. And we could not have guessed that the…that the Wild Card themselves would use Beijing."

Alfred heard the hesitation and narrowed his eyes. "Have you accepted it then? That I'm the Wild Card?"

"I have," Arthur said, so calmly that Alfred couldn't help but remember how negatively the Queen had reacted to the news earlier.

Suspiciously, he said, "Oh, really. What changed your mind so quickly?"

Arthur winced. "I know how this sounds, but I spent a lot of time thinking about this. I've come to accept the fact of who you are, among other truths. All of which I need to discuss with you."

And there it was.

Alfred hated the crushing feeling in his chest. He hated it. He should have expected this all along but there was no denying his disappointment.

After all, even though Arthur would always be the Arthur he met at the Gathering—his friend—he was Queen first. It was his duty.

Arthur's sense of responsibility was something Alfred had respected about him. But now it made him uneasy. What would Arthur do to protect his Kingdom?

Alfred muttered, "Yeah, I'm sure you do."

Arthur's brow furrowed at Alfred's stiff response, but then his eyes flew open with understanding.

He held out one hand. "Alfred, it's not what you think."

Alfred eyed Arthur's hand with wary caution. "'Course not."

"It's not!" Arthur insisted, a tone of frustration and anger entering his voice.

"Why would I believe you?" Alfred said bitterly. "You tried to kill me a few hours ago. And that was only after finding out I wasn't the Jack. I bet you have loads of interesting ideas about my future 'use' for Spades—"

"Alfred, stop that!" Arthur hissed. "You know that's not true."

Alfred couldn't stop the laugh that spilled from his lips. Fighting back more tears, he said brokenly, "I don't know what's true any more."

It was the truth. He wanted with all of his heart to trust Arthur. He wanted to stay in Spades, spend more time with Matthew, help Toris with the chores. He wanted to pretend the last two days were nothing but a horrible nightmare and that when he closed his eyes and reopened them, everything would be back to normal.

But Spades had never been 'normal', had it? Hearts had been. And now neither of them were.

Alfred sucked in a deep breath, slowly, and willed himself not to cry.

Something in Arthur's expression shifted slightly upon hearing Alfred's words. The anger faded away to concern, and once again he reached out a hand.

Alfred's despair faded instantly and adrenaline poured into his veins. He drew upon his power and felt it curl white hot under his skin. He would not be taken to be used as some doll. No matter who was at the end of those strings.

Not today or any day after.

-o0o-

"Why do you keep trying to touch me?!" Alfred snapped as he ducked away from Arthur's outstretched hand. "Stay away from me!"

Arthur felt a pang deep in his chest. He had only meant to comfort the teen, but he clearly saw it as a threat. Just how poorly did Alfred see him? And could Arthur correct it before Alfred lost all composure?

"Alfred. Please, I just want to—"

"I said—" Alfred said with a snarl, "—stay away!"

The white aura from earlier flared around Alfred's form, engulfing him. Arthur felt his heart begin to race in trepidation and he swallowed thickly.

He didn't want to become neutralized. He couldn't afford to, being the Queen of Spades. If he was going to keep pushing Alfred like this, he had to have complete faith in Alfred that he cared about their relationship as much as Arthur did.

He inched forward hesitantly. "Alfred, I just need to talk—"

Alfred's eyes blazed. There was a slicing sound, turning Arthur's blood to ice, and then Alfred was leveling a sword at Arthur's face.

"I swear to the Aces," he said softly, but with deadly intent. "If you take another step towards me, I will neutralize you. Right here, right now. Do not test me, England."

A wave of dismay washed over him; Alfred hadn't called him by his Title since before the party in Capital Town those many nights ago. He didn't want to think about what that said about Alfred's feelings toward him.

Arthur said quietly, "I just want to speak with you. Nothing more."

"I don't care. Leave."

"I—"

"Go. Now."

"I refuse to leave without telling you—"

"Didn't you hear me? I told you, I don't care. Leave before I do something that will make you regret it."

"I won't."

"I don't want to hear what you have to say!" Alfred spat out.

Arthur conceded, "That's fine. You don't have to listen. Just let me speak, and you can decide whether to listen or not."

Alfred's chest heaved. He looked both furious and conflicted, unsure of what to do. Arthur saw the opportunity to speak and took it.

"I'm sorry."

Alfred blinked. The arm holding his sword dropped in shock and the aura flickered out. "W-what?"

"I am sorry," Arthur repeated, putting every ounce of his feelings into the words. "Alfred, I am so, so sorry for all the pain I've put you through."

There was a beat of silence. And then—

"You're lying."

The air left Arthur's lungs, making it hard to breathe. Alfred thought he was lying?

He managed to ask, "And why would I do that?"

Alfred shook his head. "There's no way you could be telling the truth. You attacked me in Clubs after you found out I wasn't the Jack of Hearts. You hate me. You tried to kill me. You're doing this for some other reason—"

Arthur's heart clenched painfully. "No, that was a mistake. A mistake I could not regret more."

A look of comprehension crossed Alfred's face before it was quickly overcome with anger. Alfred's nostrils flared, blue eyes narrowing. "You just want to get on my good side, don't you? That's it. It has to be."

No. No, that was the very last thing Arthur wanted Alfred to think. "You couldn't be more wrong—"

Alfred laughed, a broken, hysterical sound. "Couldn't I? I don't think so. Everyone in the world is searching for me right now. Everyone wants me. Well, not me, I guess. My powers. And you're no different."

Goosebumps rose on Arthur's arms. "That is not why I'm here."

"Don't lie, it looks ugly on you."

Arthur grit his teeth. "I am not lying, I promise you. I meant what I said. I am sorry for failing you."

Alfred's eye twitched. "Stop it."

"I won't." Arthur took a step forward. "I was so wrong before, about you and Hearts, and I know I can never make up for my faults up until this point. But I wanted to at least apologize—"

A whirlwind of air picked up abruptly, circling around Alfred with white-hot energy. "I told you to stay where you are."

"—because hurting you has been the biggest mistake I have ever made and you deserve to know the truth."

"Shut up!"

"And the truth is, that you are my friend, Alfred. I don't want to use you for your powers. I am here because I care about you and I want to help. I have no other agenda."

"Shut. Up." Alfred said and Arthur could see him physically shaking with rage. "Take another step and your entire Kingdom will be gone."

Arthur paused at the threat. This was it. This was the moment when everything changed, for better or worse. Would he risk everything, put his life on the line, his people, and trust in Alfred? Have faith that Alfred cared for him as much as he did for Alfred? If he had any doubts, he would not be able to move forward.

He gazed at Alfred, eyes roaming over every inch of the teen's trembling figure before settling on his face. Alfred's answering stare was electric blue, shining like fire in the flickering light of his power. His cheeks were flushed scarlet and the corners of his lips were turned down in a deep snarl.

He looked enraged, furious, but most of all, petrified. Arthur could see the terror in the hidden shadows of Alfred's eyes; he was paralyzed with fear, Arthur realized, that he was right and that what Arthur was saying was all a lie. That Arthur only considered him an asset for greater use.

And just like that, Arthur knew what he had to do.

He took a deep breath to steady himself, and stepped forward.

Alfred's eyes widened. Blinding white filled Arthur's vision, followed by a flash of hot burning pain across his skin—

And then everything went dark.

-o0o-

The first thing Arthur felt upon coming to his senses was the cool sensation of something wet dripping down his cheeks, the shaking breath brushing his face, the trembling sensation as someone with muscular arms cradled Arthur like he was made of broken porcelain. For a moment, Arthur was amazed that someone who was able to give him such strong support was physically shaking as though in pain.

Arthur cracked his eyes open. Everything was blurred and dark. He blinked several times, waiting for his eyes to focus. Then he inhaled sharply, recognizing the figure crouched over him.

"Alfred," he breathed and it was only then that the wrecked sobs escaping from the teenager's lips reached his ears.

"Arthur—" Alfred whimpered. He crushed Arthur to his chest, forcing the air out of Arthur's lungs. He cried into the crook of Arthur's neck, "Arthur, why—h-how could you do that?! I don't—don't understand, why—you could have d-died—"

Arthur felt tears start to prick the edge of his eyes at the raw, anguished terror in Alfred's words.

The teenager clung to Arthur desperately in a way that very nearly hurt, readjusting his hold continuously to hug Arthur tighter; it was almost as though he thought Arthur would disappear.

Arthur raised one hand to run his fingers through Alfred's matted locks. The movement was painful for him, but the soothing action caused Alfred's tremors to slow. "Shhh…It's alright, I'm fine."

"You—hic—you don't know that—"

"I'm not hurt, Alfred," he swore. "I promise."

Alfred pulled away and burst out, "YOU CAN'T KNOW THAT!"

Arthur blinked at the distraught expression on Alfred's face. His skin was blotchy from crying, eyes bloodshot, clear tear tracks covering his cheeks—

He didn't seem to care about that though as he yelled into Arthur's face, "Why would you rush in like that when you knew what could've happened?! What if I hadn't been able to pull back? You would have lost everything—your home, your people, your Kingdom! I don't—underst-tand…"

Alfred's expression crumpled again, sapphire eyes glossing over with unshed tears. His shoulders shook and he bowed his head. Arthur felt his heart break upon hearing the tiny whimpers coming from the teen.

"Alfred—" He tried to sit up properly on his own, but Alfred would not let him. Instead Alfred embraced Arthur again with all the strength he seemed to possess.

Rather than work Alfred up more than he already was, Arthur let himself be held. With a quiet sigh of resignation, he wrapped one arm around Alfred's waist to return the hug. He used his free hand to cup the back of Alfred's head and slowly brushed gold hair with his fingers. The motion had calmed Alfred slightly earlier, and he hoped it would have the same effect now. He hadn't needed to comfort anyone since Peter had gone, so the act felt a bit nostalgic.

But then again, usually he had been the one holding Peter. Not the other way around. A deep pang resonated in Arthur's heart; he must have deeply scared Alfred for him to be reacting this way. Alfred had honestly believed Arthur had died.

Arthur said quietly, "I am sorry. I did not mean to scare you."

He felt Alfred shudder and his grip on Alfred's hip tightened. He said, "Alfred, I am alive. You did not hurt me in any way, shape or form."

"But what if I had hurt you? It would have been my fault," Alfred's muffled voice broke. "All my fault. I don't know if I could've—how I would have—"

"Stop." Arthur pushed Alfred away just enough so they could make eye contact. "Listen to me very carefully. You cannot blame yourself for something that did not happen. Especially since this situation was beyond your control; I made the decision to enter your vortex. You warned me several times and I ignored you. No one forced me to act the way I did. Any result would have been on me, do you understand?"

Alfred's lip trembled. "That doesn't matter. If you had—"

"But it didn't," Arthur stressed but Alfred shook his head, tears spilling over. Arthur felt his heart shatter at the sight. What could he say to convince Alfred none of this was because of him? What could he possibly do?

He reached out, gently clasping Alfred's chin and forced the teen to look at him.

"Alfred," he said softly, gently, and with as much conviction as possible. "Please, listen to me. I am begging you. I would not have done what I did had I not accepted the consequences. I knew the risk before I decided to come searching for you. And even if something had happened back there- I would not have died. I am convinced of it. Your powers are great but they are not the kind to hurt. You are gifted with change, Alfred. Not destruction. You alter things in a way that alters their current state, but not wholly different. And if anyone in this world has proved to me that change can bring welcomed results, it's you."

Alfred's tears ebbed and he stared at Arthur with eyes blown wide.

He whispered, "You really think that?"

"I know that," Arthur swore, dropping his hand to give Alfred's shoulder a comforting squeeze.

Alfred bit his lip and cast his gaze down. "Even—even if that's true, you still risked your whole Kingdom."

"I know."

"Why? Why would you do something so—"

"Because it wouldn't have changed anything."

Alfred's jaw fell. "Wouldn't have—? What are you saying?!"

Arthur offered a crooked smile. "It would not have changed the fact that I still needed to be here with you, to speak to you."

After a moment, Alfred shut his mouth. "Don't be stupid," he muttered and he carefully released Arthur from his hold. Arthur pressed his hands against the grass to support himself as Alfred continued to say, "Speaking with me is not worth your Kingdom. You and I both know that."

Arthur leaned forward even as Alfred sat back on his heels. "I don't believe that. Alfred, I—I had to speak with you. I need to somehow make amends for the pain I caused you."

Alfred frowned, expression becoming more wary with every passing moment. "You said that earlier."

"And I meant every word."

"Why, though?! Why, Arthur?! I'm not worth all of this. You are the Queen of Spades; if I had neutralized you, no one would be left to rule the Kingdom! You apologizing to me or even coming after me is completely irresponsible!"

"It's more than that," Arthur insisted.

Alfred let out a groan. "What do you even mean by that? You're not making any sense!"

Arthur grimaced. He was going to have to do this the long way, it seemed.

"Alfred, I…since the day we met, I've made so many mistakes, all of my own fault. I have not been acting as a Queen should. I should not have attacked the Triumvirate of Hearts at the Gathering with nothing more than London's vision to back my reasoning. I should have listened to them afterwards when we met for negotiations. I could have tried harder to reach an agreement with them, to clear any miscommunications. But I did not."

Arthur shook his head as a wave of shame washed over him. "I was being stubborn. And because of that I've put my Kingdom in danger. A true Queen would not have let emotion cloud his or her reasoning. And if it did, he or she would take responsibility for their actions. That is what I am attempting to do here, Alfred. I am trying to make amends for my mistakes, starting with you. You are correct in believing a simple apology is not worth risking Spades' security; but by coming here I am trying to learn from my past. I want to be the Queen Spades deserves."

Arthur paused here, heart thundering in his chest, before he admitted, "But that is only half of my true motive."

Alfred looked wary as he asked, "And the other half?"

Arthur took a deep breath, readying himself, "The other half is because you are my dearest friend. And I have treated you horribly, despite the fact that you are one of the people I treasure most."

Alfred blinked, cheeks darkening. "I—what?"

Arthur repeated, slower this time so the message could sink into the teenager's mind, "You are my friend, Alfred. And I know that I hurt you in a way you will never forgive me for. And I don't blame you because what I said was terrible and cruel and I'm sure it made you feel like I never cared about you in the first place. But—regardless—I have to try. I can't let you go on believing such a blatant lie. You need to know that I didn't mean a single word of it."

Arthur took in a shuddering breath. Holy Ace, even his hands were trembling. He had never been more terrified in his life. But there is no chance of him walking away now. He'd come too far.

"You mean so much to me, in ways you will never know, with or without your abilities as the Wild Card. I do not care about your powers. I do not intend to use you to further the position of my Kingdom. Above all else, I want to be there for you and support you so that you never feel alone again. No matter what path you choose, whether it be Hearts, Spades or something entirely new, I will never stop being your friend. I will always be here, as a friend, as a counselor, as a brother- anything you need."

"Alfred, I have lost so many important people to me in the course of my lifetime. I do not intend on ever losing you."

Arthur's speech was met with stunned silence. Alfred gawked at Arthur with wide blue eyes. He didn't say anything, just stared. He was still for so long that Arthur felt the seeds of worry start to grow in his mind.

"Alfred?" he said gently.

The teen opened his mouth, then shut it again. He was speechless, Arthur realized.

"I understand that was a lot to take in," Arthur said somewhat apologetically. "Did you understand it all?"

"Yeah, I—of course I understood it," Alfred finally said with a sigh. "I just..."

"What?"

"I'm having a hard time believing you, if you get what I'm trying to say. I mean, I understand your reasoning behind what you said. The whole motive for being a better Queen; it fits your personality exactly. But everything you said about me—" his voice cracked. He had to stop for a moment and catch his breath.

"That's the part I just can't wrap my head around. We've barely just met compared to your other friendships, like with France. And besides the fact that I'm the Wild Card, there's nothing special about me. There's no reason that I should be as important to you as you claim I am."

Arthur could see Alfred's hands shaking despite the steady tone of his voice. "I want to believe you, I do. But I just can't."

Arthur took a moment to respond, quietly absorbing what Alfred had said. His heart squeezed painfully as if it was stuck in a vice. What Alfred said was difficult to hear, but he could relate. He didn't think he would believe himself either had their positions been switched.

He would just have to explain himself, Arthur reasoned as he fought back a wave of hopelessness. If Alfred did not believe him after all of this, well. At least he could say that he had given this his all. And even if Alfred never wanted to see him again—the thought had Arthur struggling to breathe normally—Arthur knew he would never stop being there for the teen. He had meant what he said earlier.

"Well," Arthur said. "I suppose I'll just have to convince you then."

He gazed into twin sapphires. They were the color of the sky, of freedom, of Spades, and it was there Arthur found the words he needed to say.

"Alfred," he said, gently. "All my life, I've always been alone. My mother passed away when I was too young to remember her properly. The only thing left I have is a feeling of warmth, laughter, being held in someone's arm. Afterwards my father was a wreck, and then he was gone too. I don't know where he went and frankly, I don't care. He is no father if he could abandon his two helpless sons to the world without any protection."

He forced himself to pause. Alfred remained where he was, sitting on his heels, waiting for Arthur to continue. His expression was guarded, face revealing nothing of his thoughts.

"You know this, of course," Arthur said as he ran a hand through his bangs. "I must've told you at some point when we were writing to each other. I assume you know what happened with Peter since you've been in contact with the Jokers."

He let out a broken laugh, a horrible lump forming in his throat. "My baby brother, chosen to be a Joker. Even he was taken from me. I had my cousins, my extended family to take care of me but they were all horrid. They mostly picked on me for the remainder of my childhood and even then I did everything I could to get away."

It was getting harder to speak now. Arthur tried to pretend it was a story in one of his books and somehow that made it easier.

"I…became Queen during my last few years of school. The previous Triumvirate had died a few years previously and Yao had already been identified as Jack for a year by then. They brought me to the Castle, had me sit in a room with hundreds of bottles filled with different liquids. They said London would show me the correct bottle to drink from. And it did."

Arthur could see the scene so clearly; it was the moment his entire life changed. The room had been dark with no windows. The only light came from a hole in the ceiling and it reflected off the bottles so that shades of blue were scattered on the walls. "When I drank the gold liquid from the bottle, my skin glowed and a 'Q' appeared on my Tattoo. I've never shown it to you, have I?" he asked suddenly.

Alfred looked startled at the abrupt question. "No, but you don't-"

Arthur was already tugging his left sleeve down so the upper part of his arm was revealed. There, right before his arm became a shoulder, was his Tattoo. The letter 'Q' was elegant in white porcelain. Alfred regarded the mark with something akin to awe and Arthur felt affection blossom in his chest.

He would do anything for this boy. If only Alfred believed him.

"I've never shown anyone my Tattoo," he told him and Alfred's eyes flickered back to his face.

Arthur pulled his shirt up again, questioning, "You really don't have one?"

"No."

Amazing. Arthur shook his head. How had Alfred gone so long without realizing how odd that was?

Alfred asked quietly, "What happened after you became Queen? Were you able to finish school?"

Arthur smiled in bemusement. Of all the things to worry about, Alfred wanted to know about Arthur's education. Of course he did. This was Alfred, after all.

"Unfortunately not. I wanted to stay—I love learning, truly—but the Royal Deck was adamant that I start to get accustomed to being Queen."

"How old were you?"

Arthur hummed, regretful. "Too young to be forced into such a role, if you want my honest opinion. But that's the world we live in and it wasn't as though I could say no. I went from being on my own every minute of every day to having each breath monitored. I woke up to a schedule and went to bed with my head aching with the amount of information being crammed into my brain."

"Sounds horrible," Alfred commented with distaste.

Arthur shrugged. "I did what had to be done. London had chosen me; there was no one else to fulfill the role of Queen. And in a way, it was the best thing that could have happened to me. For the first time in my life after Peter was taken, I was responsible for someone other than myself. I had an entire Kingdom counting on me for protection, food and shelter. I represented something bigger than my own selfish desires, and it was because of that I was able to grow into the person you see now."

He shook his head. "I honestly don't know what would have become of me had I not become Queen. I had no plans after school. I was completely on my own. As Queen, though, I had a system guiding me. I met Yao, and he became the first friend I ever had. He introduced me to Francis, who had been chosen around the same time as Yao."

"I thought you didn't like France."

Arthur let out a bark of laughter. "Oh, I don't. I think he's a tosser who likes to tease me more than actually discuss anything of importance. But, regardless, he has never been anything but honest with me. He even consoled me when I first chosen and wanted to cast everyone out."

Alfred tilted his head to the side, blonde bangs falling into his eyes. "You didn't want to be Queen?"

"No. I didn't know what I wanted at that point in my life. No one does."

An odd look crossed Alfred's face and disappeared again just as quickly. Arthur wanted to ask, but he knew now was not the time. It was his turn to open up to Alfred not the other way around.

"Being the Queen is difficult, Alfred. It's hard, unappreciative work most of the time."

"…but?"

Arthur felt his expression soften. "But I know that what I am doing is for the good of others. I came to that understanding the more time I spent as Queen. I was content being ruler of the land with my few dear friends. I gained experience and knew the hard decisions I made were for the ultimate benefit of Spades. My life was still mostly cold and rigid but I was content with sacrificing my own happiness for my Kingdom."

He paused. All of Alfred's attention was focused on him; azure gaze unwavering and clear in the dim light. His hair shone pure gold, as if it held the sun.

And to Arthur, it might as well have. In his eyes, Alfred represented everything warm and vibrant in the world Arthur had only ever known to be surrounded in cruelty and hatred, and it was time Arthur told him that.

Arthur collected all of his courage, squared his shoulders and said, "And then I met you, and everything I ever believed in changed."

Alfred blinked and his brow furrowed. "Me?"

"Yes, you."

Alfred shook his head. "I didn't do anything. Actually, I made your life harder."

Arthur snorted. "That is true. But, you were—are—so much more than that. You had charisma, energy, a life about you that drew others in—characteristics I so rarely came across as Queen. You taught me how to dance, you told stories, made me laugh, introduced me to your friends…all in one night! I never felt more alive than I did that night at the Gathering. I had close bonds with Yao and Francis, but you- you were different. You didn't need me to be your friend, you sought me of your own free will. You opened up to me so selfishly and I found myself wanting to do so in return. To have a real friend, free of any requirements tying us together."

Alfred was blushing by now. His cheeks were dusted light pink. "It was nothing, really," he mumbled and averted his eyes.

Arthur felt his heart swell with fondness. "To you, perhaps. To me, it was the first true friendship I've ever known."

Alfred glanced back to Arthur once more, lips tugging down in a scowl. "But then you attacked me," he accused.

Arthur winced. He had been prepared for this, but the blunt statement still hurt.

"Yes. I am the Queen of Spades and I intended to keep my Kingdom safe. At the same time though, a small part of me was secretly glad to have you come back to the Castle," he admitted, ignoring the uncomfortable warmth in his face. "It was selfish, but I was glad to have the chance to spend more time with you. We could hardly be considered friends anymore at that point but I still wanted to get to know you more despite all that had happened."

Alfred bit his lower lip but otherwise said nothing.

"That doesn't bother you?" Arthur pried, shocked that his confession hadn't initiated a stronger response.

Alfred scrunched up his nose. "I, well…ugh. This is so embarrassing."

Now Arthur was confused. "What is it?"

"I—" Alfred stopped again, face bright red now, and let out a loud huff. "I was maybe somewhat slightly happy to spend more time with you too."

The warmth from before spread throughout his body, all the way to the tips of his fingers. "R-Really?"

"Well, I mean, yeah. I was sad when Germany wanted to leave first thing the next day because I wasn't going to be able to see you or say goodbye or anything."

Alfred cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable. "Anyway, enough about me. This is your time to explain yourself, not mine. I thought you hated me after the Gathering?"

Arthur smiled with gentle warmth, but accepted the change in subject. "I didn't hate you. You did make me quite frustrated though; the guards were getting ready to jump you after the number of times you were able to trick them."

Alfred said with a smirk, "Maybe if they were better at their job they wouldn't have lost track of me."

"That is not the point."

"And what was the point?" Alfred challenged.

"The point," Arthur said, rolling his eyes. "Is that even while causing all that ruckus and trouble, your antics never truly bothered me. True, you were loud, reckless and stubborn—" He ignored Alfred's disbelieving scoff and continued. "—you never listened to orders and you showed blatant disrespect to me on several occasions. But despite all that, you still intrigued me. You were able to escape your guards with minimal effort and yet you never broke your promise to stay in Spades. You were honest when I confronted you about the guards. You had the skill to shoot the Iron Bow which no one except me was capable of."

Arthur shook his head with bemusement. "You were a true enigma to me."

Alfred was cautious when he said, "Is that a good thing?"

Arthur snorted. "Apparently. You were able to convince me to go to the Capital Town party, didn't you?"

Alfred's lips twitched upwards at the memory. "That was a lot of fun. The food was great."

"And the dancing was wonderful," Arthur reminded him.

"You stepped on my feet five times."

"All accidents, I assure you."

"Uh-huh. Sure."

"It's true! I swear it—oh," he stopped upon seeing Alfred's cheeky grin. "You were joking."

Alfred's eyes twinkled. "Duh. Seeing you drunk was kind of funny too."

Arthur huffed in annoyance but couldn't stop a small smile from making its way onto his face. He said honestly, "I enjoyed that night, drunkenness aside."

"It was the first time we really connected after the Gathering," Alfred said as he twisted his hands together.

Arthur hummed in agreement. That had been the moment he and Alfred had started to grow closer again. He remembered explaining to Alfred about his past and Peter, some of his fondest memories with his parents, even some of the bizarre moments he had with Francis at some point. Alfred had laughed, gasped and made all the perfect faces at the right time. It had been enough to make Arthur forget his duties for one night.

"I didn't feel like I was the Queen when I was with you that night," he confessed. "I never do. You treat me as you always have."

Alfred pursed his lips. "You're a person before a Queen, Arthur. I used to tell Kiku that all the time too."

"Sometimes I forget that. It's easy to become lost in the Castle. You brought me back to myself then and every moment since. I've been meaning to thank you for that."

Alfred looked away, visibly flustered. "I…well. I didn't do anything special. You—" He sighed loudly and dragged his hand down one side of his face. "Look, Arthur, London didn't decide you would be a Queen based on its weird prediction powers, okay? It chose you to be the Queen after seeing what kind of person you were the moment you came into contact. You're the Queen of Spades because you're you. I guess, what I'm trying to say is that even though you're the Queen of Spades you're still Arthur. It's Arthur who makes the decisions for Spades. Queen is just a pretty title you add to your name. I didn't do anything to change that."

Arthur blinked several times. He had never considered that before. But it was true, all of it. Yet again Alfred had reminded Arthur of his true self.

He laughed in wonder. "You never cease to amaze me, Alfred. You are correct, of course, but don't you see? This is why I like you; you challenge me, make me laugh and strip away all of my facades. I feel like I can talk to you for hours and never get bored."

"The point is, you make me happy, Alfred. I've been living my entire life in shades of gray but then you came in and threw my life into a chaos of colors. You push me until my heart pounds, my head is dizzy and I'm out of breath. I never smile as much as when I am in your presence. I always feel more alive when I'm with you and if I could choose to have anyone by my side when I take on the world, I would take you. I would always choose you."

Arthur clenched his hands into fists and forced himself to look directly into Alfred's eyes. "I don't know what else to say to convince you I don't mean you any harm. I truly only want to help you. My only goal in coming here was to stay your friend. If you still feel the need to neutralize me, by all means, go right ahead. Ace knows I probably deserve it after everything I've done."

Alfred jolted at Arthur's words, horror making him cry out, "No, don't say that!" He clasped both of Arthur's shoulders tightly. "Everyone has done things they're not proud of, you can't believe you deserve not to be Queen anymore just because of a few mistakes!"

Arthur winced; Alfred's grip was strong. "Are you saying you won't neutralize me, then?"

Alfred released Arthur so he could bury his face in his hands. He groaned, "'Course not. I could never neutralize you. Especially after you pour your heart and soul out to me like that."

Arthur's heart lurched with hope. "You—You believe me?"

"I—ugh—I'm not saying that."

Disappointment colored his voice, "Oh."

"No, Arthur, it's not—"Alfred waved his hands around as if trying to explain himself. "It's not that I think you're lying or anything. I know you wouldn't do that. It's just, I'm having a hard time getting over everything you said to me."

Protest bubbled to his lips, "But—But I did not mean any of it!"

Alfred shook his head with a rueful smile. "Of course you did, Arthur. And I don't blame you, really. I- I lied to you. And you reacted the same way any sane person would have done. I get that. But I didn't know what else to do with the Ace and Jokers breathing down my neck. And I can't see that you moved past all the resentment towards me."

"I'm still bloody mad at you," Arthur reassured him and let out a huff of laughter at the aghast look on Alfred's face. "Perhaps if you had told me we could have worked through this together—"

"As if!" Alfred scoffed. "You told me you would kill me!"

Arthur gaped. "I would never—"

"You did, though," Alfred insisted and leaned forward to get in Arthur's face. "You said so! If you ever found the Wild Card you would kill it because it was a threat. When you told me about the Prophecy thing, remember?"

Arthur's blood ran cold. He remembered now. He silently cursed himself. How could he have been so insensitive?!

"I did not know you were the Wild Card."

"Oh, like that would have made a difference?"

"It would have!"

"Why?" Alfred challenged, now nose-to-nose with Arthur. "Because I'm 'special'?"

"Because it's you!" Arthur finally burst out. Alfred had the decency to look surprised, and Arthur repeated quieter, "Because it is you. And I know you would never make a decision that would intentionally cause harm to others."

Alfred sputtered, "You can't just assume that!"

Arthur rolled his eyes; Alfred was being ridiculous. "I'm not. I know you, Alfred. You are kind. You have never hurt anyone and you never will."

"How would you—?"

"The letters," Arthur snapped. "Don't you recall? The time we spent at the Gathering, what we discussed the night we went stargazing, how Toris speaks of you when he gives me reports- I could go on and on if you wished! We've spent enough time together that I know who you are, Alfred."

"What if I was lying? You would never know," the teen argued.

"No one can fake being this irritating," Arthur retorted bluntly and Alfred opened his mouth to protest before Arthur cried out, "Stop bloody fighting me! You won't change my mind! I know who you are because you are my friend and I trust you as the Wild Card as a result. That's all there is to it! Had it been anyone else I would be more wary but because it is you, my opinion has changed. Does that satisfy you?!"

Alfred frowned suspiciously. "So…you won't kill me then?"

Holy Ace. Arthur was going to throttle him.

"No! Of course not!"

"You swear it?"

Arthur slammed his hands into the ground and said through gritted teeth, "I would never raise a hand against you. In fact I would fight anyone who would dare try. Have you already forgotten how I stood up to that brute, Russia?"

Alfred's irritation melted away to allow for a small grin. "That was pretty awesome," he said with a glimmer of admiration.

His expression stopped Arthur short.

"Y-You think so?" he asked as all of anger abruptly faded away.

"Yeah! You fought against a guy almost three times your height with nothing but a sword! That takes guts, Arthur! You were so freakin' cool."

Arthur's chest swelled with pride. "Thank you. Though I don't think anyone has called me cool before."

"Really? But you are!" Alfred said earnestly and scooted closer to Arthur's side. "I mean, you run an entire Kingdom! You can't get much cooler than that! Plus you're super smart and compassionate and you work really hard all the time. It's no wonder London chose you to be Queen!"

Arthur's face was uncomfortably warm now. "You don't have to say all that, you know."

"But it's the truth," Alfred said. "I mean, you have your bad parts too, don't get me wrong. You're really stubborn, you hate admitting you're wrong and your cooking absolutely sucks-"

Arthur felt a rush of resentment and said hotly, "I strongly object to that description of me!"

Alfred threw his head back and laughed. "'Course you do. But you didn't let me finish."

"Oh, you mean you intend to insult me even more?" Arthur asked with a scowl.

Alfred grinned, eyes sparkling. "Just being honest, Artie."

Arthur's scowl fell from his face at the nickname. Any other time he would have vigorously argued against it. Now, though…now it gave him a glimmer of hope.

Alfred was still speaking. "What I'm trying to say is that you're a great guy, Arthur. Even if you have messed up, I've always seen you as the perfect Queen for Spades. It can't be anyone else but you. It can't."

It was here he hesitated. Arthur didn't know how to respond, so he kept silent even as his heart was pounding from Alfred's praise. Alfred still thought he was a good Queen despite everything that had occurred between the two of them. Arthur felt so light he could walk on air.

Alfred sighed heavily, catching Arthur's attention once more.

"Listen, Arthur," Alfred said in a resigned tone. It made Arthur's stomach turn over. What was Alfred going to tell him?

Alfred spoke slowly, as if his words were chosen with great care. "There are some people you meet during the course of your lifetime that you just click with—" Alfred snapped his fingers, "—instantly. You meet, you talk, you part ways and before too long you want to see them again. You want to know more about them, their past, what they like and hate, who their friends are- everything."

"Maybe you like to talk to them because you never run out of things to ask about. Maybe you like doing certain activities together. Maybe they make you laugh. Maybe you just feel comfortable in their presence because they feel like home."

Alfred gave a half shrug. "The reason doesn't matter, really. The important thing is that you really like this person and want to spend all of your time with them. They could be a lover, sibling, best friend—the thing is, that kind of connection is so rare that it doesn't matter who it's with. If the feeling is reciprocated, there isn't anything better in the world."

Arthur swallowed thickly, his heart beating loudly in apprehension. "And have you met anyone like that before?"

Alfred eyed Arthur with an expression the Queen could not identify. "Yes," he said slowly. "With Kiku, the first time we met."

Arthur's jaw clenched automatically. Kiku, again. Arthur wasn't jealous, just—aggravated, slightly. The Queen of Hearts had a habit of appearing in conversations with Alfred when he wasn't wanted.

Alfred must have noticed Arthur's reaction because he asked, "What?"

"It's nothing," Arthur said, trying to brush him off.

"No, I know that face. You look like you want to punch something. What is it? Why do you always get so mad when I talk about Kiku?"

Arthur flushed with embarrassment. "You'll make fun of me if I tell you."

Alfred shook his head vigorously. "I won't, I promise."

Arthur bit his lip. Surely, it wouldn't hurt? He was trying to get Alfred to trust him, after all. And that required honesty.

"It's just. Well." He sighed. This was going to sound so foolish. "I wish that there was some way I could have as positive of an influence on you as Kiku has. You always talk about him so highly and I suppose in some selfish way I want to have the deep personal connection with you that you already have with him."

"But, Arthur, you already have that!"

Arthur froze, mind going blank. "Wh-What?"

"Arthur, jeez." Alfred reached out to tightly grasp Arthur's hands in his. "You need to think better about yourself! I wouldn't be the person I am today without you!"

"You can't be serious," Arthur said. They had only met a few months ago, like Alfred had pointed out.

But Alfred squeezed his hands even harder. "Of course I am! Who first explained magic to me? Who introduced me to Toris, protected me from the guards who wanted to hurt me? Who brought me to Spades in the first place? Who saved my life when I was almost run over by a carriage at the Gathering? Who did all that, Arthur?"

Arthur looked down at their clasped hands and muttered, "I did."

"Yeah! Exactly! That was all you! Kiku didn't do any of that stuff. And as far as the deep connection thing from earlier…I wasn't talking about Kiku, then."

Arthur's breath caught in his throat.

Alfred confessed, "I was talking about you, Arthur. I had that connection with Kiku a long time ago, but it was nothing compared to what I felt with you. From the moment I met you, I thought you were so interesting. You were sarcastic and grumpy but that only made me want to get you more. And then in Spades I noticed I'm always happier when I'm with you and I missed you when you were gone. I loved making you laugh and I hated lying to you. It felt wrong, but I was scared I didn't know how you would react so I kept my powers a secret."

His shoulders slumped. "I don't blame you for what you said or how you acted in Clubs. I expected it a little, I think. But it still hurt me more than any wound ever could."

Arthur listened pensively to Alfred's words, a mix of relief, joy and regret warring inside him. He said hoarsely, "If I could take it back, I would."

"No," Alfred said, looking up and meeting Arthur's gaze steadily. "Don't say that. If you had never done those things, I would have never realized how important your friendship is to me, how much you mean to me. And now that you told me how you feel, I think I can finally accept the truth."

Arthur hardly dared to breathe. "What are you saying?"

Alfred took a deep breath. "I'm saying I believe you, Arthur. That you didn't want to use me for my powers, that you care about me—all of it. And—if you want to stay friends no matter what I choose—I want to keep being your friend for however long you want me."

And just like that the weight from Arthur's chest lifted. He suddenly felt like he could breathe again. There was a lump lodged in his throat but that didn't stop him from laughing weakly and launching himself forward and straight into Alfred's arms.

The teenager let out a startled shout as he was nearly pushed to the ground. But Arthur barely heard it. He was too busy crying, "Of course I want to stay friends, you bloody moron! You think I would have gone through all of this for anyone?!"

Alfred laughed in turn and wound his arms around Arthur's middle, turning his head to the side so he could rest it on Arthur's shoulder.

"Good," he sighed, the sound quiet and content.

Arthur's heart soared in his chest. His smile was so wide that his cheeks hurt. He couldn't remember ever being this elated.

Alfred believed him. Alfred believed him and they were going to stay friends!

They were going to stay friends.

-o0o-

"You know what makes more sense? It's you. It's everything we have in between. It's knowing that at the end of the day, after a bloody war, it would be you I'm coming home to."

— R.M.D