Two Months Later
Seeing the door to the U-Haul close made my stomach flutter with nerves. Despite being married twice and having a daughter with Happy, moving away from my home of almost six years to join Happy's turbulent life in Charming felt daunting. As excited as I was about rebuilding our relationship and making our family more whole, I couldn't shake the feeling that things were going to get a lot harder before they got better. Juice jogged up the sidewalk and joined me on the front porch, putting my thoughts on hold.
"That's everything." He stated, glancing into the now empty house. I nodded and struggled to swallow. "Anya, if you're not sure I'll unpack everything and look into transferring to Tacoma."
"No, I'm sure. I'm just nervous." I admitted, pulling the door closed. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders as we walked towards the driveway. "Are we going to be safe? I know Happy would die before he ever let anything hurt Emma or I but he's only one man. He can't be everywhere at once and…"
"Anya. Breathe. Happy's not alone. You and Emma have me and the rest of the club too. I know it doesn't feel like it right now but you'll see. Charming is a family. The whole club is going to make sure both of you are safe or die trying." Juice said, giving my shoulders a squeeze.
"It's the die trying part that worries me," I sighed. Juice opened the passenger door and gave me a hand up into the large truck. I sat with my thoughts as he jogged around the cab. "I need you to promise me something."
"Anya, please. Everything is going to be okay. Don't start giving me your last will and testimony."
"It's testament." I muttered. Juice rolled his eyes and started the truck. He turned the radio up before I could make him promise to protect Emma over me if the time came. I sighed and pulled my feet up onto the dash. I wasn't sure what the realest danger was; ruining my marriage or putting my family in more danger. I checked my text messages as soon as the phone vibrated. Happy confirmed that he had picked up Emma from Diana's house and that they would be on time meeting us at the rendezvous point in Tacoma. Before I could respond, he sent me a picture of our daughter sitting in her carseat and holding her new kitten. I smiled and replied that I would see him soon.
"Was that Hap?" Juice asked, turning down the music. I nodded and slid the phone back in my pocket. "Less than an hour and you'll be back with your family, Anya. It's going to be okay."
"I know. I'm just worried." I didn't like the plan. Happy and I had gone back and forth about the logistics of getting Emma and I out of Seattle for weeks and had finally settled on leaving the city separately. The idea was that Juice would wear a toboggan and maybe be able to convince anyone watching the house that he was Happy. He had stayed on the couch for two nights before we loaded everything up in the U-Haul today. Meanwhile, Happy was laying low at the Tacoma clubhouse and Emma was staying with Diana. While Juice and I finished packing, Happy went to pick up Emma and we were taking two different routes back to the Tacoma clubhouse. Happy had originally wanted to be with me but as much as I trusted Juice, I trusted Emma's safety with Happy more. "Less than an hour."
"Yep." Juice confirmed. He looked like he wanted to say more, so I turned the radio volume back up. I just wanted to get into the van with Happy and Emma and get to Charming. Unfortunately, we still had over a day of traveling ahead of us. I watched the truck mirrors constantly, thinking that I would be able to recognize anyone that could be following us. I wasn't sure how Happy did it. To me, all the other cars on the road just looked like normal traffic. How did he know where the danger was at all times?
"Change lanes." I said, eyeing a black SUV that had been behind us for a few miles. Juice did as I asked without question. I looked past him, waiting for the SUV to pass us. I didn't realize I was holding my breath until the SUV passed and I saw a young family and children inside the vehicle. Juice glanced over at me and offered a knowing smile. I turned the radio volume down and pulled my phone out. "I'm going to call Happy and check in."
"Okay." Juice said, glancing in the mirror before changing lanes again. Happy answered on the first ring.
"You good?" He asked quickly. Hearing his voice calmed me down enough to feel comfortable looking away from the truck mirror.
"Yeah, just nerves." I said. I glanced over at Juice and registered his relaxed posture. Maybe I was overreacting. "How's Emma?"
"She and the cat are out. Didn't make it out of the city before they both fell asleep." Happy laughed. I smiled, relieved to know that Emma wasn't overstimulated or stressed at this point of the move. "Don't worry, Anya. You'll get to put up with my driving soon enough."
"You better not be driving like you ride with our daughter in the truck." I warned him playfully. I knew better. Happy always drove cautiously with Emma. He laughed and promised that our precious cargo was in good hands. "I know they are. I'll let you get back to driving. I just needed to hear your voice."
"You're gonna get tired of it soon enough. Don't worry." Happy teased. I laughed, knowing that wasn't possible. "See you soon, mama."
"See you soon, love." I ended the call and resumed scanning the mirrors for any suspicious cars. The closest vehicle was more than three car-lengths behind us and they just looked like normal cars.
Emma and her cat, Binky, were sleeping soundly as we pulled into the Tacoma clubhouse. I got out of the truck and pushed the door closed quietly as Jones and several Tacoma members filed out of the clubhouse. I lit a cigarette and leaned against the tailgate. The truck was still running to keep everyone comfortable and to provide a quicker getaway if needed.
"Any problems on your way down?" Jones asked quietly. I shook my head and blew smoke up toward the sky.
"Nah. Open roads and no tails. Talked to Anya about twenty minutes ago and they should be here soon." I said, eager to get her in the truck and out of Washington.
"I've got to admit, Hap. I never thought you and the lost girl you brought into the clubhouse were going to wind up here." Jones said, taking a cigarette that I'd offered from my pack. I nodded. "I'm happy for you."
"Thanks, brother. I should have put my family back together a long time ago." I was pretty tired of talking about feelings but Jones was one of my closest brothers in Tacoma and, like Kozik, had been around since the beginning of Anya and I. He shook his head.
"Nah, bro. You did the right thing especially while you and the Charming guys were locked up. We kept an eye on your girls for you." Jones said.
"I'll never be able to repay you for that." I said, offering him my hand. He took it but shook his head.
"Nah, you've saved my life more than once, Hap. Got me home to my family in one piece so Manda didn't rip my head off." Jones chuckled and shook my hand. His old lady could give Gemma's temper a run for its money. She was loyal and would take a bullet for her family as quick as any good old lady but she was also quick to put Jones in his place at home. I knew some Sons like Clay wouldn't put up with that but I respected her dedication. "Looks like your woman is here."
I felt my body relax a little when the U-Haul pulled onto the lot. I knew I was on edge but I didn't realize that I had been holding my breath. Anya didn't even wait for Juice to fully come to a stop before she threw the door open and hopped out of the cab. I let her run into my arms and squeezed her tightly. She took a deep breath and I felt her body shake as she let it out. I kissed her and let my hands fall to her ass. It didn't help my body's need to get a release but it felt good to touch her again. She moaned as I slid my tongue into her mouth but as quickly as the kiss deepened, she pulled back. I adjusted my jeans and let her go check on our daughter.
"She still asleep?" I asked. Anya nodded and leaned her side into my chest. Juice approached us cautiously. "Don't act like it's anything you haven't seen before."
"Yeah but it's my sister," Juice groaned. I glared at him, silently warning him to shut his mouth. I knew he wasn't trying to bring up any shit with Anya but she was still on edge about our previous arrangement about the sweet-butts and croweaters. I didn't want to spend the next twelve hour drive arguing with a pissed off wife. "How long before we head out?"
"I should probably wake Emma up and let her use the bathroom so we don't have to stop before Oregon." Anya suggested. I wasn't sure her plan would do anything to prevent that but it was worth a shot. I walked over and got Emma and her kitten out of the car. They both protested loudly about being disturbed. "I'll take her. You're on kitten duty."
"A'ight. Manda is inside but don't take forever gossiping." I was joking but I also wanted to get on the road sooner rather than later. Anya rolled her eyes and carried our crying daughter towards the clubhouse. I put the cat on my shoulder and pointed a finger at Juice daringly. "Not a word."
"Easy, Killa. I'll be back. I had four cups of coffee this morning," Juice hurried after Anya as Jones shook his head.
"Didn't need any details," he laughed. I shook my head and watched as several sleepy Sons walked out of the clubhouse. They were going to tail us to the state line as an extra precaution. "Just a warning, Hap is sensitive about the pussy on his shoulder so don't bring it up."
"Nice," Bear bellowed with a laugh. I rolled my eyes and held up both of my middle fingers at no one in particular. I was always more of a dog person but the kid wanted a kitten, so we got a kitten. I answered my phone while several brothers went back and forth with jokes about the cat.
"Who is this?" I half expected to hear a Russian accent answer me but instead it was Josie. I listened to what she had to say and ended the call without another word. I didn't have time for her shit but I made a mental note to make sure she knew to never call me again short of an emergency.
"Everything okay?" Jones asked. I nodded and slid my phone back inside my kutte. The call wasn't something I had any need or interest in talking about. Anya emerged from the clubhouse with Emma riding on her shoulders and I was more than ready to get on the road.
"Here, baby. Hold on to him." I said, passing the kitten to Emma. They had a pretty strong bond so I wasn't too worried about the kitten squirming around too much. Anya set Emma down between us and looked around. "Just waiting on your brother."
"Alright." Anya said, glancing around the lot. I couldn't tell if it was the memories the Tacoma clubhouse probably brought up or something else but her response seemed off. I chose not to push the issue and stepped away to talk tactics with Jones.
"You sure you don't want someone in the truck with Juice? We can have a prospect in a sweeper van." Jones suggested. I hated asking for too much but his logic made sense. Normally I trusted that Juice could take care of himself but I still had some reservations about his mental state. He wasn't himself.
"Yeah, we might as well. Thank, brother." I said, watching Juice jog out of the clubhouse. He smiled and gave me a thumbs up. I nodded. "Anya, we're going to head out in a minute. You mind getting Emma settled in?"
"Sounds good," she smiled and scooped Emma up. "You ready to head home, Em?"
"Daddy's home or our home?" Emma asked. She was still struggling with the concept in all of us being together permanently but I understood it would take her some time. I let Anya explain the situation again as Jones told everyone to get ready to roll out. It was a simple plan. Tacoma was going to tail the U-Haul until Oregon and then we were going to give them their prospect back. Once we got to California, Jax, Opie and Chibs were going to escort us back to Charming.
"You ready?" I asked, starting the truck. Anya nodded with a smile and Emma answered with a loud "Yes". "Yeah, me too. Let's get going."
We made it to Oregon before we had to stop and let Tacoma take their prospect back. It was comforting knowing they were following us but we were going to be alone until we crossed into California. Happy was fairly quiet. It wasn't abnormal for him to say more with less but I couldn't shake the feeling that something more than the trip to Charming was bothering him. Instead of pulling the information out of him. I focused on studying for the examination to transfer my law license to California while Emma and Binky napped in the backseat.
"You hungry?" I closed my book and looked over at Happy after my stomach growled for the third time.
"I could eat and I know you and Em need to," Happy put his hand on my thigh and gave it a little squeeze before calling Juice to let him know about the pending pit-stop. "You want In-N-Out?"
"You don't even have to ask," I laughed. One of our first dates consisted of sharing a bottle of whiskey and Animal Style fries. I turned around and gave Emma's foot a gentle shake to try and wake her up slowly and avoid another tantrum. Binky woke up and stretched with a wide yawn. Emma groaned and rubbed her eyes sleepily. "Hey, sleepyhead. Are you hungry?"
"Yes momma," she muttered. I felt bad to have her cooped up in the truck for so long and hoped to let her run around in the parking lot if it wasn't too busy. I noticed Happy watching her in the rearview mirror with a smile. "Hi daddy."
"Hey, honey. You sleep good?" He asked, turning his eyes back to the road. She told us about a dream that she had about riding a motorcycle with her cat. I listened with a smile but cut my eyes over at Happy, silently ruling out any ideas he had about her one day riding motorcycles. It wasn't long until we spotted a sign for In-N-Out and exited the freeway. "Can you get my usual? I'm going to let Emma run around out here in the grass."
"Yeah, what does she want?" Happy asked, pausing and reaching out to me. I stepped into his arms and tried to stop overthinking his silence.
"Just a single and some fries. I'll give her some of my shake." I said, stretching onto my toes and kissing him on the cheek. "Will you get Juice's food too? I feel bad for making him drive the U-Haul."
"He's your brother, Anya. Nothing to feel bad about." He muttered. He let me go and nodded. "Yeah, I'll get the kid's food. Make sure she doesn't get too close to the road."
"I know." I laughed. I had managed to keep her perfectly safe from traffic for the last four years, mostly on my own. I held on to the kitten as Emma ran and tried to do cartwheels in the grassy area in front of the restaurant. She was never much of a sit still and watch television kid, so I was thankful to let her get some energy out. A couple minutes later, Happy and Juice joined me.
"Emma, this way," Happy called out as Emma ran in circles with her arms stretched out like an airplane. She was a safe distance from the road but I knew Happy was just being protective. She made airplane noises and ran closer, startling Binky. The kittens sharp claws dug into my shoulder as he scurried upwards. I hissed at the sharp pain, gaining Happy's attention. He scooped the kitten up and returned him to the truck.
"What's with him?" Juice asked, watching Happy roll the windows of the truck down a little to make sure the kitten had some air but couldn't escape. I twisted my mouth and turned back towards Emma, calling her over to me.
"He wanted Emma and I to fly. I think he's just worried." I reminded myself that his stiff demeanor was probably just his need to protect us. He had argued that it made more sense to avoid a long road trip with Emma but I hated the idea of him having to pack the house up by himself and travel so far alone.
"You should have," Happy added, handing me a bag of food and my shake. I rolled my eyes and led everyone over to a table. "Em, come eat honey."
"Okay!" She picked up speed and ran over excitedly. It was as if I saw the accident before it happened. Emma tripped over something as she ran and fell just as the grass turned to concrete, busting her lip open. Her tears and wails started almost immediately. Happy jumped up and hurried over to her, scooping her up and assessing her injuries. She screamed and sobbed, reaching for me as I walked over. "Momma"
"You gotta be more careful, baby," Happy said, rubbing her back. I carried her over to the table where a waitress had shown up with a cup of water and extra napkins. Juice thanked her as I wet the napkins to make a cold compress. "You okay?"
"No!" Emma yelled. I tried to soothe her by rubbing her back as she held the paper towels to her lip. Happy looked frustrated but he caught her swatting hand to check for any scrapes. Juice handed him more wet napkins to help with her hands. "Don't touch!"
"Em, we've got to clean your cuts." I begged. She thrashed around, almost slipping out of my arms. Happy grabbed her quickly and gently caught her chin to stop her tantrum.
"Hey, stop. I know it hurts but throwing a fit ain't going to fix it." He snapped. Emma frowned at him and pushed the heels of her hands into his shoulder. She cried more, no doubt hurting her hands. "I told you."
"Put me down!" I watched as Happy set Emma down on the bench of the picnic table and crossed his arms. She continued to cry before reaching up to me.
"No, Em. You wanted to be put down, you got put down." Happy said roughly. I glared at him and picked her up from the bench. She immediately hid her face against my neck. Happy shook his head, sitting down to eat without another word. I noticed Juice looking from Happy to me with a raised brow but he didn't add any comments. Eventually, Emma stopped crying and pulled her face away from my neck. Her lip was swollen but the bleeding had stopped and she didn't have any blood coming from inside her mouth. Happy finished eating and reached to take Emma. "Here. I'll take her and you can eat."
"It's okay. She's just upset." I said as Emma turned from him sharply. Happy rolled his eyes and took Emma into his arms. She refused to look at him. "Hap."
"Eat. We need to get back on the road." He growled. Normally, I would have argued with him telling me what to do but I could tell his mood was quickly deteriorating and I tried to avoid fighting in front of Emma.
"I can take her," Juice offered carefully. Happy ignored him and walked back to the truck. I shook my head and started eating quickly so we could get back on the road. "He's delightful today."
"Yeah, something more than the trip is bothering him." I agreed. Juice shrugged and lit a cigarette. I took a couple sips of the shake and tossed the leftovers away. I found Happy smoking at the back of the truck with Emma and her kitten reunited in her car seat. "What's going on?"
"Just ready to get back to Charming." He said shortly. I twisted my mouth and nodded, knowing there was something more. His mood then was completely different than his mood when he had texted me before we met up in Tacoma.
"Hey, Koz," Anya said, giving Kozik a hug. I knew it shouldn't bother me but seeing her touch him irritated me further. "I didn't know you were coming up with the other guys."
"What can I say, I missed Happy's smiling face." He said, turning to greet me. He hesitated. "Well, I missed Happy."
"You done?" I growled, irritated with being the butte of the joke. Anya's brow raised but she didn't say anything. I lit a cigarette and stepped away from the group that were stretching their backs and legs before we got back on the road. I felt Anya's hands slide up my back and closed my eyes. "Sorry, mama."
"What's going on, Happy. Don't lie and say you're just ready to get home. You looked ready to fight Kozik when I hugged him." Anya didn't miss a thing. I nodded but didn't respond immediately. She started rubbing my shoulders and I felt a little relief in the physical tension. "Talk to me, Hap."
"I'm not ready to," I muttered, turning everything over in my head for the hundredth time. I sighed and turned to face her, placing my hands on her hips and begging that it would be enough to keep her in place. "You know I don't keep shit from you but I don't want to upset you over nothing."
"Okay…but I know something is wrong and now I'm worried." Anya said quietly. I nodded and let the air out of my chest. I hated feeling out of control of the situation or her reaction to it.
"Fuck," The words she didn't want to hear felt stuck in my throat. She bit down on her bottom lip and I knew no matter how I told her, she was going to cry before she got angry. "Crow-eater called and said she's knocked up. Thinks its mine but there's no way."
I watched her hands drop from my chest in slow motion. Her bright eyes filled with tears and her bottom lip quivered. I stepped forward to hug her and she stepped back quickly. I held onto her hips and pulled her back to me. As tears started to fall from her eyes, I immediately regretted the majority of the decisions I had made over the last six years. She surprised me and stepped forward, pressing her face into my chest. Having her in my arms usually relaxed me but I felt like I was a kid again, holding onto a bird that was trying to get away. I was worried that if I held her too tightly, she'd get hurt even worse but I couldn't bear to let her go.
"I can't share you anymore, Happy." Anya sobbed. Honestly, I didn't expect those to be her first words after I told her about Josie's phone call. Anya's entire body shook as she cried. "How does she know it's yours? Were you seeing each other?"
"No, of course not. She doesn't know. I guess she's just doing math and thinks it could be mine." I explained. I didn't think listing the possible sperm donors Josie had told me on the call would help Anya's feelings. "We'll figure this shit out, Anya."
"How? If you have a child with another woman then that's another piece of you that Emma and I have lost." Her sobbing had lessened but she was still crying pretty steadily. I shook my head and put my chin on the top of her head. "Does she want to keep it?"
"I don't know, mama." I regretted using her pet name but hoped she wouldn't focus on it. "I didn't ask any questions. She called right before we left Tacoma."
"I want to be mad but I can't. I agreed to this whole fucked up situation we had. I knew something like this could happen but I guess I thought it wouldn't. God. I'm so stupid." Anya's chest body quivered with another sob.
"Stop. You know damn well that you aren't stupid. Let's just get home and get Emma settled and I'll figure this shit out." I said, rubbing her back as she continued to cry. "I'm sorry."
"Yeah. I know, Hap. Okay," she inhaled deeply and stepped back with a nod. "Okay. We'll get home and then figure out what happens next."
"Hey, hold on. Nothing is going to happen with our family. We're gonna find out it ain't mine and she probably won't keep it anyways." I said quickly, catching how she'd reworded my statement. She nodded again and walked back to the group. A wave of anger crashed over me but I didn't have anyone to be mad at but myself.
When I got back to the truck, Anya was already buckled into the passenger seat and she was staring out of the window in silence. I checked the backset and was relieved to see that Emma and her cat were still asleep. She had thrown a fit for several hours as we drove through Oregon but it seemed like she'd worn herself out. I started the truck and pulled out onto the road behind my brothers, some of which could also be the fathers of Josie's kid.
I noticed Anya was crying again but I knew there wasn't anything I could say yet to fix the situation. I put my hand on her thigh and she covered it with her hand, reminding me of when we had found out she was pregnant with Emma. We had been together for a little over a year if you counted the three months I was locked up on some bullshit assault charge. She was more temperamental and emotional than usual and during a fight I had asked her if she was knocked up or something. She had just graduated law school and was waiting on the results of her bar exam so I didn't see any other reason for her to be so emotional. She had stopped arguing with me immediately and left the house. I was too pissed off to follow her, so I just waited until she got back home two hours later.
Anya had walked inside our apartment and sat down next to me on the couch. I was still pissed but when I saw her face, the anger gave way to fear. She didn't even have to say it. I just put my hand on her thigh and she covered it with hers as I wondered how I was going to be a father when I never had a father around when I was growing up. I didn't know the first thing about being a parent. We sat like that for what felt like an hour without saying anything. Eventually, I pulled a ring out of my kutte that I had been carrying around for weeks and asked her to marry me before she had our kid. When she started crying, I thought she was going to say no or say she didn't want the kid. Instead, we got married the next week and she had Emma eight months later.
"I love you, Happy." Anya said it so quietly that I almost didn't hear her over my thoughts. I squeezed her thigh and glanced over at her. She had stopped crying but she looked exhausted. "I'm praying it isn't yours."
"Pray for me too, mama." I was raised Catholic but I had broken things off with God long ago. "I love you too."
"Don't hurt her to protect us." I blinked, wondering where in the hell that had come from. I couldn't honestly say that I'd never hurt a woman for the club but it was a last resort kind of situation. If we weren't traveling with the club, I would have yanked the truck over on the shoulder and made sure she knew I'd never do that, even though I couldn't say that the thought didn't cross my mind.
"I'm not going to, Anya. You know that." I snapped. I was tired and irritated. Her plea made it seem like she thought I would be capable of hurting her too. It didn't make sense but I was going on two days with three hours of sleep and the idea just ticked me off.
"I know that you would do anything for your family," Anya snapped back. I couldn't wrap my head around why we were arguing. She was using the words of my own tattoo against me.
"Stop, Anya. If you wanna fight about this shit we'll fight but don't use my love for my family against me." I said after letting her words hang in the air for a couple minutes. I knew I deserved her anger but she was crossing the line. We drove for another twenty minutes in silence before she spoke again.
"I'm sorry," she said, taking my hand from the armrest and placing it on her thigh. I nodded, still too aggravated to say anything without continuing the fight. I wasn't mad at her. I was just mad.