Elizabeth pulled out her journal for the first time in many months. When had she shut out her own thoughts? Her own heart? Well today, that would change. She began to write and seeing the truths of her heart on paper made them even more real and sure. She took a deep, cleansing breath and pressed on, words spilling from her heart through her pen onto paper. Words that would soon need to be said aloud.
It had been a week since Lucas had shown up expectedly at her door, forcing her to really look at her heart in a way she hadn't been willing to in some time. It hadn't been an easy week for Elizabeth. Her days were busy between school and caring for her son but the evenings and nights were long.
Still, she was grateful. Grateful for the push to be honest with herself, with her heart, and with these two men whose lives and hearts she had unintentionally toyed with for too long.
Elizabeth had spent long hours sitting under the stars really listening to her heart. At first it was uncomfortable and she had shed many tears this past week; tears of grief, heartache, guilt, sadness, and finally relief, but she allowed herself to sit in that place and truly take in what she was feeling and why.
Now it was clear. It was undeniable. It was what she had always known was in her heart but had tried for so long to bury away, avoid, and ignore but no more. This morning she had woken up with a resolve to do what needed to be done and say what needed to be said.
Elizabeth struggled between guilt over her actions and fear of the consequences but beyond that she felt an overwhelming peace knowing this was right. She was following the call of her heart. She could only say what she knew she needed to and try to mend what she had broken. She couldn't be sure of his reaction but she would accept whatever it might be, knowing the truth would set her free either way.
After completing her journal entry and finishing her final sip of tea, she hurriedly dressed and prepared for her walk into town. On the way, she dropped Little Jack off with his Auntie Rosemary, thankful for the healing in their friendship recently. Once again, she felt shame burning her cheeks at how she had behaved as of late. It was time to finish making things right. She barely recognized herself when she looked back over recent months but the determined, open, and hopeful Elizabeth who made her way toward town now felt familiar once again.
Elizabeth paused for a moment and breathed a prayer as she reached for the handle of the door to the Mountie office.
Nathan had been sitting at his desk, papers spread around but his mind was decidedly elsewhere. The weight of heartbreak and grief sat heavy on him but that was nothing new. Had he pushed too hard? Put himself out there when he should have waited to let her take the lead? But he had been so sure. And now he had to watch her flaunt around town with Lucas. Sure, they had had some moments lately where things felt hopeful, right, good but then she would shut herself off from him again and remain tied to Lucas.
As he sat, allowing his mind to wander, it suddenly occurred to him that he hadn't actually seen Elizabeth and Lucas around town the past few days. The past week in fact.
He was considering what that could mean when the door opened and Elizabeth walked in. Caught off guard and afraid she may read his traitorous thoughts, he simply stood. Knowing she must be here for a purpose, he waited for her to speak.
Elizabeth couldn't risk losing her courage so after a quick hello was exchanged, she began speaking the words her heart was aching to say,
"When I said it just happened to be you who Jack replaced when he was killed, what I didn't say is how thankful I am that it was you. I couldn't have asked for a more courageous, selfless, good man to watch over and care for me but…"
Nathan had begun to smile but his heart stopped at that word and any trace of a grin fell from his face. His mind raced on ahead into heartbreak. She was going to reject him again. Why come here at all for that? Why? Why show up just to break him again? He watched as she took a deep breath.
"…but I'm afraid, Nathan. I know the very real risks of loving a Mountie. I know you may not come home some day. I know it. And it's terrifying. When I thought you had died that day, it broke something in me. I never wanted to feel that way again. I couldn't do it again. I couldn't risk losing another man I loved so deeply."
Elizabeth had begun speaker faster and faster but now she paused again, squeezing her eyes shut, hoping to soothe the emotions battling within her as she remembered those awful moments before she had turned to see him alive and ran into his embrace.
Nathan felt like this speech had more ups and downs than an old backroad. His hopes rose and fell with each new sentence she spoke but he didn't dare interrupt.
After what felt like eternity to Nathan but was really only a couple seconds, Elizabeth felt composed enough to continued,
"But now I know that running from my heart is no way to live. Running from you is no life at all. Nathan, I do love you. How could I not? I am in love with you, Nathan," she reiterated to remove any doubt. A gentle smile graced her lips as she continued, "If losing you is my greatest fear, then finding you has been my greatest joy."
Elizabeth's tear filled eyes looked up into the equally emotional blue eyes of her love. She had barely taken a step forward when Nathan closed the gap between them, wrapping his arms around her waist. Elizabeth placed a hand on each of his arms and then slid them up to rest behind his neck.
"Are you sure, Lisbeth?" Nathan asked, his voice full of emotion and hope, the wounds of heartbreak mending with her healing words.
"I've never been more sure of anything," she answered sincerely, her eyes dancing between Nathan's eyes and lips.
Not wanting to waste another moment, Nathan leaned in and kissed her with all the love in his heart. She returned the kiss with passion and warmth.
She loved him, right here in his serge. She loved him in suspenders. The Mountie and the man, she loved him.