Elliot poked his head into Olivia's office, two coffees in hand. "Busy?" He asked.

She smiled and said, "Yes, but I have a minute." She waved him in.

He looked back into the bullpen once more before entering her office. "What's going on out there?" The room held an air of angst. He set a coffee on her desk, and then sat in the chair across from her.

"I sent Velasco out to check out a lead with Churlish. I'm assuming Muncy wanted to go." She took a swig of coffee.

"To chase down that Chili guy? Good call on that one." He eyed her over his coffee cup as he took another drink.

She leaned back in her chair. "Velasco wanted her instead of Churlish," she said casually.

He let out a small chuckle. "Of course he did." His eyes met hers with humor. He likely remembered every time they requested each other on a particularly personal case.

Olivia's demeanor changed, and she picked at the corner of the coffee cup's sleeve. "I told him that the only thing worse than a partner with no loyalty is a partner with blind loyalty." Her eyes found his, and they both understood the implications of that statement.

Silence permeated the air.

He took a sip of his coffee. "Is that how you felt about us as partners? Blindly loyal?"

"I don't know." She continued picking at the coffee sleeve. "I idiotically trusted you in interrogation when I knew better. That came back to bite me in the ass later."

He shook his head adamantly and said, "That was different."

"Was it, though?" She asked skeptically. Her eyes finally lifted back to his.

"Now that I'm captain, I have no idea why Cragen kept us together so long."

"Is that what you're trying to avoid here? A Benson and Stabler encore?" His voice was defensive. "He kept us together because we worked well together. We solved cases."

Her eyes dropped again, "Sure, but at what cost?" He watched her in mild disbelief. He would never trade the years of their partnership, but she obviously could.

She noticed the rising tension and hurried to elaborate: "I think he kept us together because he figured your marriage would keep the professional barrier in tact, but all it did was complicate your marriage and make you leave. I don't know." Those soulful brown eyes held his. "Do you ever wish he would have split us? Even if it hurts us, If it was, what was best for us?" She knew her experience with the blurred lines of partnership probably contributed to her actions regarding Muncy and Velasco.

He looked as if he were stifling a deep emotional response. She wasn't sure if it was sadness or anger. Probably both. "I don't know. It probably would have made things simpler for Cragen." His eyes filled with intensity, which made her shift with mild discomfort. "But I know that I would have never been happy without you. I tried, and even after ten years, I couldn't let you go.

Damn him and those perfect blue eyes. The discomfort she felt effectively dropped the mantle of captain back into place. She stood, indicating the end of this conversation. "I can't talk about this right now. I have a meeting. She knew what she was doing, and she was sure he knew too. She was withdrawing, like she always did when things got too personal.

He stood in obvious resignation. As he headed to the door, he turned back. "One day we are going to have to talk about this, Liv." He shrugged his shoulders, "We can't put it off forever." His hands dropped in his pockets, "Things are never going to be good between us until then." He gave her one more sad glance before leaving her office.

-000-

In what felt like a predictable pattern, Fin sauntered into her office after Elliot left. He shut her door and sat in the chair Elliot had previously occupied.

He sat quietly until the silence became unbearable. She broke the stalemate. "What?" She felt her own defensiveness bark through her tone.

"Oh, you know. Just checking on my captain, who usually gets a little terse after a visit from a certain detective."

"Go back to work, Fin."

"Liv," he scolded.

"No." She brushed him off. "I'm really not talking about this." She started shuffling papers on her desk.

"Okay," he said as he lifted his hands in defeat. "You know where to find me." He pressed his hands into his knees to stand up.

She sighed and dropped her head into her hand. "I may have implied our lives would have been better if Cragen split us up early on."

Fin visibly winced, "Damn Liv. Just punch the guy in the gut; why don't ya."

She shook her head. "How could he not feel that way, at least to some extent? We got in the way of each other in nearly every part of our lives."

Fin leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "That's probably not how he thinks of it."

She let out a frustrated groan. "What do you mean?"

"Look, he all but sacrificed his marriage to salvage your partnership. I'm sure it was a slap in the face when you told him it wasn't worth it."

"That's not what I meant," she insisted.

"Are you sure? Are you sure you wish things never went as far as they did? Think of the pain. Was it worth it? Would you have rather lived your life without that relationship? No matter how complicated it's always been?" He shook his head. "You forget; I'm the only one left that remembers the Stabler aftermath. Based on that reaction alone, I know the answer."

"There are a lot of things I hate about Stabler; you know that, but his one redeeming quality in my eyes, was his stubborn devotion to you."

She felt a little miffed. There was a huge flaw with that devotion. "He left, remember?"

Fin's face was doing that thing it did when he was about to drop some truth. "Have you asked him why? Cuz I suspect it was some self sacrificin' move for your benefit."

"How could his absence possibly benefit me?" She scoffed. This conversation was getting tedious.

"I'm not sayin I have any idea what that man is thinking, but he left because of all the things you just said. You got in each other's way, so he removed himself from the equation. I'm not telling you what to do. Hell, I could care less about what he feels. But maybe you should consider some of the things he felt. This matters to you. And I hate to say it, but I agree with the man; whatever you guys have goin' on won't get fixed by avoiding the issues."

She chewed on his words. She hated when Fin came into her office and casually dropped his truth bombs. "Ughhhh." She groaned. She stood and grabbed her purse. "Damn it, Fin. I gotta go."

-000-

Ayanna watched Elliot enter the office and let out a long breath. She could always tell where he had been when he looked like that. Today already took a weird turn, and she secretly hoped maybe she was wrong. She needed his head in the game for the next day or two.

"Where have you been?" She asked even though she felt sure of the answer.

It was apparently obvious because Jet muttered, "From the looks of things, I'd say he was visiting Captain Benson." Jet looked around, realizing that she had said the thought out loud.

Elliot glared in her direction. "Sorry," she mouthed apologetically.

Ayanna sighed and motioned for Elliot to follow her to her office. She wouldn't ask about Liv, but she needed to get his head back in the game.

Elliot sat in the chair tucked in the corner of Ayanna's office. She leaned into her desk, and studied him for a moment, not sure where to start.

He folded his arms and leaned back in the chair. "I'm fine."

"I didn't say you weren't."

"You're giving me that look."

"What look?" She stared at him quizzically.

He let out an exaggerated sigh. "The one where you're assessing whether or not I'm going to explode and complicate your life."

Ayanna eyed him seriously and asked, "Well, are you?"

"No. Like I said, I'm fine."

She doubted that, but let it drop. Liv was a hot button issue with him, and she liked to give him space when it came to her.

"The head of NYPD counterintelligence is coming in later, and I'm sure he is going to be requesting a security detail for some high-ranking official." Her eyes bore into his. "I need your head in the game. Are you good?" She accentuated every word.

He gave her the typical brush off but maintained her eye contact when he responded, "I'm good."

"Okay then. Try to finish up whatever you're working on. I have a feeling counterintelligence is going to keep us busy for the next few days." She continued to watch him. She felt like she knew him well at this point. She trusted him implicitly, but she was always a little wary of the brooding intensity he often exhibited.

He nodded and swiftly left her office. She watched as he settled into his desk and started to work like nothing out of the ordinary happened with his day. Damn. That man can compartmentalize, couldn't he?

-000-

Jamie jogged up to Jet's desk, and she met him with her typical glare of annoyance. "What made you think Stabler was over at SVU today?"

He wasn't deterred by her condescending stare. That

was pretty much her normal look when she talked to him. "I don't know. Ask him." She tilted her head toward Stabler.

Yeah. There was no way he was asking Stabler directly. He didn't have a death wish. "You mentioned he probably saw Captain Benson. What do you think that was all about?"

Jet gave him an overexaggerated eye roll. "Nothing. Go back to work before I make it obvious what we're talking about."

He hurried away, knowing that was a serious threat. The only thing worse than asking Stabler about Benson was him finding you speculating about Benson behind his back. He wanted to live through the day.

-000-

Olivia made it three-quarters of the way to the OCCB office before realizing she probably should call. For all she knew, they were in the middle of an op, or he was in the field, or they had meetings.

She pulled over and put her car in park before pulling her cell phone from her purse. She found Elliot's contact and hit the call button. No answer. He was probably working. She didn't expect him to drop everything to answer her call. Just to be sure she hadn't missed him, she called again. Still no answer. She groaned. This would have to wait. He would call her back. Maybe?

She resolved to call him again later. She'd go back to work and try to get through the day without overthinking.

-000-

The afternoon felt like it dragged on and on. She tried to refrain from checking her phone every five minutes, but she was failing. She considered calling him again, or at least texting him, but then she thought maybe he needed some space. She could give him time.

Sometime in the late afternoon, she heard some commotion in the squad room, followed by Fin rushing into her office. "What is Stabler's team working on right now?" His eyes were insistent, which was weird for him. Nothing rattled Fin.

"Um," she wasn't sure exactly. Last time she talked to him, they were working on some gang cases, but that was a while ago, and she had no idea what his current case was. "I don't know. He hasn't said anything."

Fin didn't look relieved by her answer. He rubbed his hand across the back of his head and said, "Uh, the radio chatter just blew up. Literally. Apparently, a political entourage got bombed. OCCB was escorting the diplomat to the consulate."

Olivia felt like she had tunnel vision. She searched for her phone on her cluttered desk. She felt herself shaking. While she dialed, she waved Fin out and said, "Go out there and find out what the hell is going on."

"Yes Cap." He hurried out of her office.

She closed her eyes, silently begging for him to pick up the damn phone. No answer. She all but threw her phone across her desk. She couldn't breathe, and she felt sick. She leaned over her desk trash can and took deep, slow breaths. She tried calling him again. No answer. "Damn it, Elliot." She let out more slow breaths, willing herself not to cry.

Minutes felt like hours, but it couldn't have been long before Fin rushed in again. "He's fine." The words rushed out. "He made a last-minute change of plans. Something about taking a different car than originally planned." His voice felt far away.

"Hey, baby girl, slow down." She felt Fin's comforting hand on her back. "He's okay," he reiterated. She nodded her head, but she still hovered over her trash can.

Fin sat with her for a few minutes before Bruno shoved into her office. "Velasco called," he began, but stopped when he saw his captain hovering over a trash can with his sergeant comforting her.

"Get the hell outta here, Bruno! Now's not the time!"

Bruno's eyes widened, and he retreated, shutting the door behind him.

Olivia felt like her heart rate had finally come down enough to sit up.

"Take your time." Fin cautioned.

She waved him off. "I'm okay now."

"You sure?" Fin's hands still haloed her, making sure she wouldn't fall over.

"Yeah yeah." She reassured him. "Go see what Bruno wanted. I need another minute."

"'Kay." He kept his eyes steadily on her before leaving her office.

-000-

Neither Reyes nor Whelan were thrilled about this whole sewer search.

"So what's the deal with Stabler and Benson?"

"Do we have to talk about this?" Reyes asked, clearly annoyed.

"What? Is there some kind of sewer topic you want to cover?"

Bobby looked over their surroundings and said, "Nah. I'm good."

Jamie kept wondering aloud, "He made a comment a while ago about how it's possible to be incredibly close to someone for a long time and not be sleeping together. I didn't get it then, but it probably has something to do with Captain Benson, right?"

Reyes shook his head. "Look, man. I don't know. It's probably best to stay out of it all. All I know is that there is a lot of history there, and not all of it is good." Reyes shined his flashlight into one of the dark corners.

Whelan kept talking, "Why would everyone stay so tight lipped about it? Seems weird." Whelan's eyes wandered around the cement of the sewer.

Reyes groaned, "Here's what I know. Asking Jet or Ayanna is stupid because they will rally behind Elliot at all costs." His thoughts tumbled out, "As for Benson, most of her squad is new and won't know anything. Her sergeant would be the exception to that, but I'm fairly certain he would kill for her, so it's probably not a great idea to ask him." Reyes shined his flashlight down another tunnel. "Plus, if Stabler finds you poking around Benson, he might kill you himself."

"But see, that's just it," Whelan said in frustration. "What's with the crazy overprotectiveness? Aren't you even a little curious?"

"Of course. I'm a detective too, but it seems like a futile waste of time to gather a little sensitive information about a coworker." Reyes said it with certainty.

"Yeah, I get it. But it's all the secrecy around it that gets me." Whelan was clearly curious and annoyed.

Reyes stopped walking for a minute, garnering Whelan's attention. "I'm telling you, don't poke the hornet's nest. Just leave it alone."

Whelan nodded, and they returned to their search in silence.

-000-

Olivia bounced with anxiety. She needed to talk to him. She knew he was okay, but she knew the sick feeling would not abate until she saw him in person .

It wasn't just his physical well-being that she worried about. A car explosion. That had to have brought back some pretty painful memories. At this point, she had probably called him seven times. She tried not to worry or make it about her. His team was nearly blown to pieces. He didn't have time to work out their shit right now.

She felt herself pacing. She could call Ayanna. She often did that when Elliot dropped off the grid, but she probably had her hands full with this diplomatic mess.

She glanced at her watch. He had to sleep sometime, right? She could stop by his apartment. Just to make sure he was okay. She could handle that.

Notes:

This story is doing that thing where it writes itself. Soooooo it's getting upgraded to a full story!! Check out Blind Loyalty on my works page!!