Life isn't a damn Hallmark movie. White snow had long since transformed into grayed, dirty, semi frozen slush. The enchantment of Christmas transformed into the sparkle of New Years, and now everything felt gray. Olivia tucked the collar of her coat higher on her cheeks, in a futile attempt to curb the bite of the winter air.
Seven months. Seven months since they last spoke. She anticipated the silence. He told her goodbye, and she understood that it meant communication would be minimal. She knew he didn't abandon her, but she felt abandoned all the same.
She entered the precinct, and tried to ignore the jovial camaraderie of the officers chatting in the front entrance. Normally it would be music to her ears, but now? Now she just missed him.
She rode the elevator alone, closing her eyes, fully savoring the low mechanical hum of the elevator as it rose. She knew what waited for her. The squadroom would be filled with the heartbreaking, but typical post-holiday drunken assault victims. She would field stories of spiked drinks, and women attacked as they stumbled home. She hated it. The world they lived in could be incredibly beautiful, but on this cold January day, it just felt gray.
Her fingers toyed with the compass that permanently hung from her neck. In an instant she was back in her darkened kitchen where he offered her everything, and she was too scared to reach out and take it.
What if it doesn't work out?
She nearly groaned. His timing had been excruciatingly awful, but looking back now, almost a year later, she wished she had jumped. She wished she would have taken everything he had to offer. But now he was gone, and she had no idea when he would return.
As expected, the squad room was filled to the brim. All of her detectives were busy taking statements. Base on his absence, she assumed Fin was in interrogation.
She pushed open her office door, and settled behind her desk. She glanced up to the open door and she could almost see him shooting her one more sad smile before walking away. She wished she'd asked him to stay, but wishing wouldn't get her anywhere. She let him go, and she regretted it every day since.
Out of the corner of her eye she noticed a small wrapped present sitting next to a photo of her and Noah. She reached for it slowly, as if it might bite her. The paper crinkled as she pulled the small gift to the center of the desk. A small card, like the ones used at a florist shop was taped to the top. To be honest, it was a godawful wrapping job. She chuckled, wondering if Noah had left her something before the holidays and she hadn't seen it.
She flipped the small card over and her breath caught.
Don't leave this in the corner of your office for six months. Maybe try to open it on Christmas like a 'normal' person. Or don't. Normal was always overrated. Keep this safe for me until I get home.
Elliot
Her fingers tenderly brushed the surface. She was one of the few who could decipher his small scrawl. She held the card in her hands and took a deep breath. She laid the card gingerly next to the horribly wrapped package. She knew better than to judge his horrific present delivery methods. Her fingers brushed the compass' surface again. One of her most prized possessions came to her in a crumpled paper bag.
She pulled apart the paper, and her eyes filled with tears. Laying in the mess of crumpled paper was a broken ornament. Liv. Laugh. Love.
She cupped her hand over her mouth in an attempt to stifle her soft sobs. It took her a full minute to notice the velvet box beneath the ornament.
Her heart pounded mercilessly, as she remembered the last time she opened a small box from Elliot Stabler. Nerves flipped her stomach about as she carefully opened the lid. Her tears became almost non stop as she lifted a painfully beautiful bracelet from the box. Beneath the bracelet was another note in the same tiny scrawl.
When I said 'care' I meant love.