"She said that she would see you!" Mrs Hall's eyes burned brightly with news of the revelation that had come forth from Lily herself. "She sat there and told me to my face that she would see you."

Siegfried pushed the food around his plate and failed to lift his head. "Did she now."

"Yes, she did. If you eat up, you can go for evening visiting tonight."

"And what if I don't want to go."

There was a pause, an elongated silence in the air and he chanced to look up to see her watching him, a frown marring her features. "Why wouldn't you want to go? I mean, I know she sent you away in the past but now…now she wants to see you. Shouldn't you want to see her?"

"Should I?" he replied pettily. "Why should I? She's made her feelings clear in the past." He thought back to that terrible evening when she had swept the vase of flowers from the bedside cabinet and all but accused him of paying attention to her nurse. "Why should I open myself up to more of the same humiliation?"

"Siegfried Farnon…" Mrs Hall pulled out a chair opposite and sat down. "You know as well as I do that what 'as 'appened to Lily 'as shaken 'er to the core. She's not been in 'er right mind of late. You know as well as I do that she didn't mean any of the things that she said."

"You weren't there. You don't know."

"So, you're going to let stubborn pride stop you? You're going to allow the…humiliation as you call it to keep you away from 'er? Shame on you."

"Shame on me?"

"Yes, shame on you!" she looked at him harshly. "You're supposed to be bigger than that, better than that. You've spent the last three weeks sulking…"

"I have not been sulking!" he exclaimed.

"Well, what do you call refusing to go and see 'er then if not sulking?"

"I call it self-preservation! You seem to think, Mrs Hall, that us menfolk don't feel things the same way as you womenfolk do. You seem to think that we don't care when someone slights us, someone…someone we love…" he looked back down at his plate. "I have no wish to put myself through that again."

"I have never said that you don't feel things, Mr Farnon, but in this instance you 'ave to be the bigger person. Lily's the one confined to a bed not knowing if she'll ever walk again or 'ave anything akin to a normal life. Your life, on the other 'and, 'as gone on as normal."

He shook his head, "You believe my life to be normal?"

"As normal as it can be under the circumstances." She rose to her feet again. "You should think yourself lucky that Lily's still 'ere in order for you make amends. She might not always be."

He paused on her words, "What do you mean by that?"

"By what?"

"That she might not always be here? What's your meaning?"

"I just mean…"

"What? She's not ill, is she? There's no danger of her dying…"

"I just mean…" she sighed and turned to face him. "I just mean that Lily might not go back to being what she was, stuck up at Windy Hill all alone. Whatever life she's able to make for 'erself after this accident she's going to 'ave to live…and that might not include you, if you're not careful."

A stab of jealousy shot through him and his found his mind rolling over every man he knew who might, then or now, have shown any passing interest in the woman who, at one time, was to have been his wife. "Are you saying there's someone else?"

"No, of course not…"

"Then what are you saying? Are you saying she won't be going home to Windy Hill, once she's better that is?" Mrs Hall said nothing, and he moved around the table to stand in front of her. "Mrs Hall?"

"She told me not to say anything."

His heart thudded in his chest. "Told you not to say anything about what?"

"She's going to London."

He started laughing before he could stop himself, the absurdity of her words hitting him with full force. "London?" he echoed. "Don't be so ridiculous, Mrs Hall! Why would Lily be going to London?"

She met his gaze, a fierceness behind her eyes. "Because there's a place down there that can 'elp her apparently. A unit in Bexley where she'll get one to one care more than she can get up 'ere. And she's agreed to go."

"She can't leave Yorkshire!" he exclaimed. "She's never been further than Scarborough! She…she can't go to London!"

"She can and she is. And if you don't swallow your pride and go and see 'er then chances are you'll never see 'er again." She lifted his plate from the table and moved it over to the counter. "You'll 'ave finished your tea then?"

"But…" he spluttered, "when? When is she going?"

"That I don't know, but I would imagine it would be soon. Now," she looked at him meaningfully. "Will you be wanting pudding or do you 'ave somewhere else to be?"

XXXX

"I 'ear the unit in Bexley's very good," Mary said conversationally as she brushed Lily's hair. "And who wouldn't want to be near the sea? I know I would. Oh, it's God's country up 'ere and all that, but the sea…"

"I stayed in Scarborough one summer," Lily replied, "with my cousin."

"Oh, that must 'ave been nice."

"It was a long time ago before…before this…" she looked down at the duvet again, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. "I doubt it'll be the same in Bexley."

"Well, you never know. A change of air will do you the world of good, 'elp lift your spirits."

"Perhaps I won't want to come back." She felt Mary pause in her brushing motion and turned her head slightly to look at the other woman. "Perhaps I'll stay down there forever, make a life for myself there."

"Perhaps."

"Perhaps, if things improve, I might meet someone there, 'ave a family."

"Surely if things improve, you'd want to come back?" Mary said diplomatically.

"Why?" she asked, pain rising in her chest again, "Come back to what? An aging father and a farm on top of a windy 'ill? What would be the point? At least in Bexley, no-one would know who I was. I could start all over again."

Mary sat down on the bed and reached for her hands. "Would you like me to take you to the telephone?"

"No, my father's not coming until tomorrow," she replied, deliberately avoiding the path she knew Mary was leading her down.

"All right then," she rose to her feet. "I'll let you rest now. Not long until supper."

Alone again, Lily found her mind wandering to Bexley and all that it might hold. In her mind, she had pictured it as a seaside town, much like Scarborough, though she had no idea if it would bear any resemblance or not. She could see the sun shining on the water, seagulls diving down onto the beach, the smell of salt in the air, people smiling and laughing, much as she herself had done the previous year. It all seemed so long ago now.

"Hello."

His voice stirred her from her reverie, and she looked up to see Siegfried hovering a few feet away. He looked hesitant yet hopeful though she noted that he had neglected to bring flowers on this occasion. Her surprise at seeing him after the weeks that had passed was greater than she would have anticipated, a thousand feelings flooding her as she continued to look at him, able only to utter a weak greeting in response.

"I…hope you don't mind me coming," he said, moving closer to the bed, but seemingly unsure whether he should make any move to sit. Part of her wanted to yell at him to go, to leave her alone with her misery, but another part of her felt glad to see him, the familiarity of his features, the tone of his voice…she hadn't realised how much she would miss all of that, how much she would miss him… "Is it all right if I sit down?" he gestured to the chair by the bed and she found herself nodding in response.

"I confess I'm not entirely sure what to say," he said, once seated. "I'm afraid that if I say you look well, you'll refute that and if I say you look ill, well, you'll refute that too." He smiled crookedly. "I'm afraid to ask you how you are in general."

"'ow are you?" she asked, keen to deflect scrutiny away from herself.

"Me?" he looked surprised at her comment, "Oh, well, I'm…I'm fine as far it goes."

"Good."

"Which isn't very far, actually." She looked at him questioningly and his shoulders visibly slumped, "Oh Lily…" She felt the tears come again and she willed them away, desperately trying to convince herself that she didn't want or need his pity. "I'm a wreck."

"You're a wreck?" she said before she could stop herself, bitter resentment bubbling up within her again. "I'm the one who's a wreck, Siegfried, not you."

"I mean…emotionally," he shifted in the chair, almost seemingly uncomfortable at expressing how he felt. "I appreciate that, physically, you are by far bearing the worst of it but…" he shook his head. "I'm not sure I know how to function anymore."

"Audrey said things were going well at the practice."

"Oh yes the practice, the practice is fine," he waved his hand dismissively, "but I don't mind telling you that I don't give a fig about the practice, not now. How can I care about that when you've been here…refusing to see me?"

"I 'aven't refused. You 'aven't come."

"I…" he paused, as though about to engage her in verbal combat over the point and then seemed to change his mind. "No, you're right. I haven't come. I haven't darkened the door of this place since you sent me away because…well because I was hurt by what you said, and I didn't want to open myself up to that again."

"But you're 'ere," she said, frowning, unable to comprehend his reasoning. Why would he put himself into a situation where he felt he was liable to be hurt? It made no sense to her. Wasn't she trying desperately to preserve herself from that very thing, from the rejection that may very well come when he finally realised that she may perhaps never be the woman she once was?

"Yes," he said, "I'm here. I'm here because I love you, as much now as always and…and because I wanted you to know that in case…well, in case things change and…and I'm not able to tell you again in person."

"Why wouldn't you…?" a realisation swept through her, a sudden understanding of why he was there combined with anger at a promise broken. "She told you, didn't she? Audrey told you!" he paused and then nodded. "I asked 'er not to…!"

"Please, don't be angry with Mrs Hall," he leaned forwards. "She cares about both of us, and I know she broke your confidence with all the best intentions. Lily…" he reached for her hand, laying as it was on the duvet, and she felt a sudden rush of warmth within her at his touch. "Bexley is so very far away but…but if it will help you recover…"

"I might never recover, isn't that the point?" she said, snatching her hand back. "I might always be like this and who would want that?!"

"Me," he said decisively, taking her hand firmly in his again. "I would want that. I want you, in whatever condition you find yourself, I want you. I want to marry you whether I have to carry you to the altar myself."

"But you…" the tears spilled down her cheeks, "you could 'ave anyone you wanted…"

"And I want you," he said earnestly. "Since the very first moment, even if I didn't know it, I've always wanted you. No-one else could ever compare, not now, not ever. Please, please tell me that you understand that."

"Siegfried…"

"I'm not proud of everything I've said or done since this happened, but I want us to move forwards, Lily, together. We still have a future together, if you'll only let me be part of it."

His expression was so open, so loving, so caring, so like she had seen so many times before, and yet the cold sensation of truth couldn't help but fight to be recognised. "But if I don't get better…'ow would we be together? 'ow would it be possible, in any way?"

"I would make it possible. I'll find us somewhere to live, a cottage perhaps where you needn't worry about stairs, and you would still be able to come to Skeldale House any time you wanted, I would make sure of it. Ramps can be built, doors can surely be widened…it can't be out with the bounds of possibility surely. And as for everything else…why wouldn't it be possible to have as rich and full a life together as we once envisioned?"

"What if I can't…physically, I mean…" she felt her face redden, "'ow could I ask you to commit to me in marriage if I couldn't…"

"You will never know what your limitations might be unless you try," he said squeezing her hand. "In any case, I lived without full physical affection for many years before I met you and, if needs be, I can live without it again."

She slipped her hand from his and reached out to touch his face, the familiar bristle of his beard inviting against her hand. He turned his face into her and kissed her palm and she felt a shiver run through him. He was a good man, a kind man, one that she knew loved her and yet…was it unfair of her to ask him to commit to her when there might be so little she could give in return? "I don't want you to regret it."

"Regret what, loving you? How could I ever regret that? I've told you before and I will tell you again; you have changed my life beyond recognition. If fate hadn't intervened, we would have been married, for better for worse, in sickness and in health. What is the point of speaking wedding vows before God if you don't intend to live by them?" He paused and swallowed hard. "If you tell me to go, I will. If you tell me that you don't love me, don't see a future with me, don't want to be with me, then I will accept that and I will go but…but I won't be able to come back, not again. A heart can only take so much bruising in a lifetime, Lily."

It would be foolish to pretend that she didn't understand what he was saying. It was, in effect, her last chance; her last chance at a life with the man she knew deep down she still desperately loved, the man who appeared to be willing to give her everything that he could, but on condition that if she threw it back in his face, he wouldn't be strong enough to attempt to win her back again.

"Why didn't you want me to know you were going to Bexley?" he asked softly, when she didn't respond.

"Because I thought…I thought it would be better if I just went," she replied, her voice thick with gathering emotion. "Because I thought it would be easier that way."

"And would you have had me never knowing? Would you have had me come here one day to visit you only to be told that you were miles away?"

"I suppose I didn't think you'd come back after what I said, so what was the point in telling you? I suppose I thought, if you did know, you'd come to me, like you 'ave done, and I'd 'ave to face up to what I feared."

"Which was what?"

"Whether I was strong enough to let you go." Her eyes misted with tears. "I should let you go, Siegfried, I know I should…"

"Stop, please…"

"I should tell you to go and live your life with someone who can give you more than I can…"

"Lily…"

"But I don't want to. Seeing you 'ere…now…I don't want to…" the tears spilled down her cheeks. "I don't want to let you go…." He scooped her awkwardly up into his arms before she could say anymore, crushing her to him, and the familiarity of his body against hers only succeeded in awakening feelings that she had pushed far down into the recesses of her mind.

Pulling back, he pressed his lips to hers and then cupped her face with his hands, "Lily…darling Lily…let's get married now."

"What?" she stared at him, "but…"

"I'm sure there must be a way. Banns have already been called and I can't imagine anyone on the planet would object…" he grinned at her. "I could arrange it, all of it."

"But…Bexley…."

"We could do it before you leave! Before we leave!"

"We? What about you talking about?"

"I'm going to come with you. I've just decided this minute."

She laughed before she could stop herself, "But you can't!"

"Why can't I?"

"What about the practice?"

"Oh, hang the practice! I'll find someone to run it for me in my absence. I can trust Mrs Hall to keep an eye on things and then I can devote all my time to you. What do you say?" He clasped her hands tightly, excitement shining from every part of his body and though she couldn't help but love him for his enthusiasm, she still had enough steel inside her to realise when a plan was hopelessly ill-thought out.

"No," she said quietly, "no I don't want you to come."

His smile dropped as though she had just shot him in the chest, "But, why not?"

"Because I 'ave to do this on my own."

"Well, that's just nonsense!"

"No, it isn't."

"Yes it is! Why on earth would you go all the way to Bexley yourself when I can come with you? I'll find somewhere to rent close to the unit and I can visit you all the time and encourage you in your recovery!"

"No."

"Lily…"

"Siegfried, please!" she found herself raising her voice, a feeling of pressure starting in her chest, as though his very words were bearing down on her. "Please, I don't want that. I want to go there myself and recover myself. You could visit me, of course, but I need to do this on my own."

"But why, for heaven's sake?"

"Because I got myself into this mess and I need to get myself out of it. No, listen to me," she said as he made to protest. "I was arrogant enough to go out to George Sharp's farm that night in that weather thinking that I knew what I was doing."

"You did know what you were doing…"

"That's not the point. Pride cometh before a fall and I've 'ad a big fall and the only person that can pick me up, is me. Maybe that was also partly why I pushed you away, because I knew I needed to try and do this for myself. Please, please understand…" she looked at him beseechingly. "If I know that you're 'ere waiting then it'll make me even more determined to get better. And when I am better, or as better as I can be, I can come 'ome 'ere to you and we can get married and try to live the life we planned."

"Well, I…I mean I…" he blustered around, clearly trying to find something to counter her with. "I take your point…"

"Then let's leave it there," she said, reaching for him again. "I want to walk down the aisle as your bride, if I can. I just need a bit more time."

"Meanwhile, what am I supposed to do?" he said forlornly. "If you're in Bexley and I'm here, what am I supposed to do."

She smiled, "You could write to me. I always did love receiving letters from you."

His eyes darkened with veiled desire. "Do you still have all my letters?"

"Every single one."

"Then I shall write to you," he declared. "And I will fill those letters with every drop of love and longing I have for you, and you must write back."

"I will."

He pulled her to him again, his mouth lowering to hers, "And that shall have to sustain us until we are together again."