Sorry for the long delay. I'm struggling a bit at the moment!
Sense would perhaps have dictated that he go to his lodgings first to deposit his bags and freshen up before seeing her, but he wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms again as soon as possible and so he gave the taxi driver the address and asked him to go as quickly as he could. The man said nothing, and Siegfried wondered if he had often had requests such as this. In any event, he had little time to dwell on it as the journey to the unit took less time than he had anticipated and, before he knew it, he was standing in front of the building in question. He felt nervous, although he wasn't entirely sure why. Perhaps it was the prospect of seeing her more recovered, less fragile than she had been on the last occasion, still confined to a bed. Perhaps it was because things now seemed to be moving in a more positive direction, one which could only eventually lead both of them back to Darrowby and the future together they had been temporarily robbed of.
A pleasant-faced nurse showed him to the dayroom, and he found himself pacing in agitation. Would he feel any different when he saw her again? He knew the thought was ridiculous and yet he allowed it to fester in any event, terrified that all the hopeful expectation might be so quickly dashed.
He need not have feared. A few moments later the door opened again and, there she was, on her feet, albeit aided by sticks, but on her feet, nevertheless. Her face broke into a wide smile when she saw him, and he made to rush to her.
"Wait!" she exclaimed, and he paused, confused. "Wait there."
He did as she asked and couldn't stop a wide smile breaking out across his face as she made her way towards him. Her gait was hesitant, hampered by the restrictions which her injuries still posed, but the determination in her eyes only made his heart swell as she eventually reached him and he put his arms around her, allowing her to rest her weight against him. "Hello, my darling," he said, his mouth against her hair. "I've missed you so much."
"I've missed you too," she replied, drawing back and looking up at him. "I'm so pleased that you're 'ere."
"I don't think I could have stayed away a moment longer. Shall we sit?"
"No," she replied hurriedly, as he gestured to the chairs in the room. "No, I seem to spend my life sitting down at the moment. I want to walk. We could go around the gardens?"
"Do you feel strong enough?" he asked. "I wouldn't want you to tire yourself on my account."
"I want to, please?" she looked at him beseechingly and he felt his heart swell.
"Of course, anything for you."
She smiled in response and then turned, leading him slowly out of the dayroom and along a long corridor to a set of doors that led to a large, rectangular garden area. It was quiet, with only a few other patients taking advantage of the afternoon sunshine, and he fell into slow step beside her as they began walking.
"I'm amazed at the difference, truly amazed," he remarked. "I couldn't have hoped for better."
"Well, it would 'ave been good if I 'ad been walking completely unaided, but I'll get there," she replied. "I've come on so much since coming 'ere. It's really been the best thing for me."
"I can see that."
"And Bexley's a lovely place. I 'ope we might get to visit the coast together."
"Yes, of course. I would hope so too." He paused, wanting to ask the question and yet afraid to in case it was too much too soon. "Have the doctors given you any indication of how long until you can come home?"
She looked down at her feet. "Well, not yet. But there's time enough for those decisions. I think we should just enjoy the moment, don't you?"
"I couldn't agree more," he replied. They talked amiably as they traversed the garden area, circulating it three times before she gestured to a nearby bench and entreated him to sit with her. The sun was in her hair, her face flushed with the exertion of her labours, and she looked happy, so very happy, which only in turn made him happy too. "I love you so much, Lily."
"I love you too, Siegfried," she replied, leaning in to kiss him. "I'm so glad that you're 'ere. You won't 'ave seen your lodgings yet."
"No, not yet. I came straight here of course. But I'm given to understand that they're very pleasant. I'm sure I shall miss Mrs Hall though."
"I 'oped I might get to visit you there."
"Did you now?" he raised his eyebrow. "For what purpose, exactly?"
"What purpose do you think?" she grinned, laying her hand on top of his. "I've missed everything about being with you."
He felt his loins stir and, cupping her face with his hand, kissed her gently. "I've missed everything about being with you too, but I'm not sure how my landlady might take the idea of my fiancée visiting me."
"Does she 'ave to know?"
"Well…" he found himself lost for words, slightly taken aback at her obvious disregard for rules and propriety. But, he reasoned, he could hardly blame her after all that had happened. There had already been so much time wasted. "Allow me to scope out the lie of the land and revert to you accordingly."
She smiled and moved closer to him, resting her head against his shoulder and he felt nothing but complete and utter happiness. Nothing could spoil it now. Nothing.
XXXX
"You should find everything you need." Mrs Baxter, the landlady of his lodgings surveyed him critically as he put his bags down and glanced at his new surroundings. "You're visiting a friend?"
"My fiancée," he replied. "She's in Ashworth House."
"Oh my…"
"She was in an accident, but she's making a fine recovery," he said before she could ask anything more about it. He felt a fierce sense of protectiveness over Lily, not to mention a confidence that things could return to that which they once had been. There might have been some unexpected turnings along the way, but the future they deserved together felt closer than ever.
"Well, I'm sure it goes without saying that there is to be no female company," she said. "I don't allow that sort of thing amongst unmarrieds, not in my lodgings, Mr Farnon."
"No, indeed," he replied. Lily would be disappointed at any rate, especially given he was fairly sure that engaging in any such carnal delights in her room at the unit would be equally as frowned upon. Alone finally, he lay down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, contemplating the next few days ahead. He wanted to spend as much time with her as he possibly could, within the limits permitted by the unit. Writing letters and speaking on the telephone could in no way compensate for being together in person and his desire was undiminished by the weeks spent apart. After freshening up, he made his way back downstairs to pay for and use the telephone to call Skeldale House.
"Oh good, you arrived safely then," Mrs Hall said, upon hearing his voice. "'ow is Lily?"
"In grand spirits," he replied. "She managed to walk to greet me, albeit aided by sticks, but she had made a marvellous recovery since last I saw her."
"That's wonderful. Please give 'er my love."
"I shall. Everything all right at home?"
"Everything's fine, Mr Farnon," she reassured him gently. "Just enjoy your time with Lily."
"Yes, thank you Mrs Hall." He rung off and then decided to take a short walk before supper to become acquainted with his surroundings. Lily had been right in that Bexley was a charming place, but there was no denying that it didn't hold the magic that Darrowby did. He missed the rolling hills, the sounds of the livestock and even the scent of the wind. Bexley was fine for now, but it wasn't where he knew he and Lily would eventually be.
Mrs Baxter provided a homely meal, though he felt it somewhat inferior to Mrs Hall's cuisine, and then he returned to Ashworth House for an evening visit, finding Lily waiting for him almost impatiently.
"Well?" she said, upon his arrival.
"Well what?" he replied, kissing her.
"Your landlady. Do you think we can sneak past 'er?"
"Lily…" he chucked, "I wasn't convinced that you were serious earlier."
"I was serious, Siegfried, deadly serious." She looked at him. "Don't you want to be with me?"
"Of course I do, my darling, but I fear that the opportunity just won't present itself. Once you've back in Darrowby, there will time enough for us to delight in one another, particularly so once we're married." She looked down at the ground again. "It's been some long months since we were last intimate and so much has happened…there's no rush, is there?"
"No," she replied, shaking her head. "I suppose not. I just wanted to…I don't know…feel normal again and do what normal people in love do." She smiled ruefully. "You must think me quite without morals."
He pulled her into him. "If you are without them, then what does that say about me?"
"That we're evenly matched?"
He kissed her again, "Exactly."
XXXX
"Well, how was it?"
Lily looked up as Betty came into her room and couldn't help but smile. "It were lovely to see 'im."
"He's very handsome," Betty said. "And he clearly adores you."
"Yes, I suppose 'e does."
"So, why the long face?"
"Oh, I don't know…" she sighed heavily, unsure as to where her head truly lay at that moment. It had been disappointing to learn that the prospect of being truly alone with Siegfried during his visit was slight. Not that she placed the full stock of a person's feelings for another in the physical act but…she couldn't help but long to feel him against her again, to feel herself enveloped by him, safe and secure. "Just feeling a bit sorry for meself is all."
"But you're doing so well," Betty said, perching on the edge of the chair by the bed. "I reckon it won't be long until the doctor says you can travel home."
"Do you think so?" The other woman nodded. "But I still 'ave to use the sticks."
"But you're getting stronger every day. Soon you'll be down to one stick and then none at all and there's no reason to keep you here if you can manage on your own." She paused. "I thought you'd be more excited at the prospect of going home."
Home. The word conjured up so many different feelings and emotions inside her. She had lived her entire life in Darrowby, knew everyone else who lived there too. The most sensible, normal thing would be for her to return there and resume the life with Siegfried that she had previously been destined to have. Yet, there was a voice in her head that refused to be silenced that reminded her that there were other options.
"I'm not sure I want to go 'ome," she said, giving voice to it for the first time.
"You can't stay here forever, as much as we love having you."
"No, I don't mean that I want to stay here, at the unit," she explained. "But Bexley is a nice place and…well…there's so many places in England that I've never seen. Maybe there's someplace that would be better for me than Darrowby. A place where no-one knows who I am, who we are, or what past we've 'ad. A chance to start all over again."
"I thought your Mr Farnon had his own practice in Darrowby?"
"'e does."
"And…do you think he would give that up?"
She paused and looked out of the window. "I don't know. Maybe it would be selfish of me to ask to 'im to."
"Well…" Betty stood up. "Only you can decide what you want, but it's not uncommon for patients who have been through something like you have to decide that the life they had in the past isn't the one they want in the future."
"But I do want to be with 'im. I want to be Mrs Farnon. I just don't know if I want to be Mrs Farnon in Darrowby."
"Talk to him," Betty encouraged her gently. "Bottling up your feelings does no good for anybody."
"No," Lily mused once she was alone again, mindful of the terrible crushing feelings of sadness she had experienced in Skipton, resolute in cutting herself off from the man she loved. No, this time, she would need to be honest with him and only hope he loved her as much as he claimed he did.
2 May
The following morning dawned bright and fair, and Lily awoke with a renewed sense of purpose. Betty's words had lingered with her the previous evening, and she had come to the realisation that Siegfried deserved honesty, above all other things. They were due to have lunch together that day, him having been given permission to take her out of the unit, and she had decided that it would be fairer all round if she told him how she was feeling. By the time he arrived at the unit to collect her, she could feel the anticipation oozing out of her and gladly allowed him to take her in his arms.
"I thought about you all night," he murmured. "Being so close to you and yet so far…"
She kissed him in return. "I thought about you too. I'm sorry if I seemed so forceful yesterday."
"Not at all," he replied. "There would be something surely wrong if we didn't desire one another. In any event, you look beautiful. I shall be proud to be seen with you today."
"Even with these?" she gestured to the sticks.
"They only enhance your beauty."
"Oh, stop it," she laughed. "Perhaps, if I take your arm, I need only use one today."
He frowned, "Is that wise? I wouldn't want you to be in any discomfort."
"If I stumble, you'll be there to catch me, won't you?" He nodded. "And carry me back 'ere if needs be?"
"I'd carry you to the ends of the earth if I had to."
"Good," she replied. "I reckon you'll do then."
The weather being as nice as it was meant that they could make the short journey to the restaurant on foot, slowly of course to accommodate her infirmary, but made no less pleasant by it. Siegfried told her that all remained well at Skeldale House and that he intended telephoning Tristan that evening to ensure he was behaving himself.
"Give 'im my love," she said, as they were shown to their table, and he helped her to sit. "I never thought I'd miss 'im, but I do."
"As I believe he does you," he replied. "You know, Tristan played a large part in bringing me back to you. I suppose I had resolved myself that your dismissal of me was the end of our future. He certainly told me in no uncertain terms what he thought of that decision. Perhaps he is not as woolly-headed as he would have me believe."
"'e's good boy," she replied. "If a little wayward, but aren't they all at that age? Anyway, I'm glad that 'e helped you make the decision to give me another chance. I know I didn't deserve it after the way I treated you."
"That's all water under the bridge," he said, taking her hand across the table and squeezing it gently. "Do you remember the first time we went to a restaurant together?"
"In Helmsdale," she nodded. "I remember."
"I behaved rather badly that evening, if I recall."
"That weren't your fault. You were conflicted at the time, I understood that."
"Yes, but I wasn't fair to you. I'm aware how much I hurt you that evening."
"You've been good enough to say that my behaviour of late is water under the bridge," she reassured him. "What kind of person would I be not to say the same about yours, as far in history as it is?"
He smiled at her again, "You're an amazing woman, Lily Bailey."
"Oh, I don't know about that." She drew back as their orders were taken and then looked at him again. "I've been thinking a lot about what 'appens once I'm discharged from the unit."
"How do you mean?"
"Well, I mean, where I go and what I do."
He paused and blinked. "I don't understand. You come home to Darrowby and we get married, just as we planned."
She took a breath. "What if…what if I'm not ready to go 'ome to Darrowby?"
"Well, I would see no reason why we couldn't take a holiday if that's what you desired. Somewhere to rest and recuperate out with a hospital setting before going home. Scarborough maybe?"
"No, I mean…what if I'm never ready to go 'ome to Darrowby. What if…what if I want to live somewhere else."
His brow furrowed. "You mean, Helmsdale or Wensleydale or somewhere like that? Well, I did say that I could find us a cottage if needs be, and I suppose it doesn't have to be in Darrowby. So long as I could get to Skeldale House and visit my patients…"
"Actually, I was thinking about somewhere further afield," she said, feeling her stomach churn with sudden anxiety. "Somewhere like…well, 'ere." He looked at her for a long moment, as though his brain wouldn't allow him to compute what she was saying. She held her breath for a long moment, hoping that he would respond and then reached across the table again for his hand. "There's more places in the world than Yorkshire."
"Yes but…well I hadn't…I mean…" he floundered in front of her. "I didn't realise that you felt…"
"I'm sorry, I know I've sprung it on you. It's just something I've been thinking about a lot recently, and I don't know if I want to go back 'ome, back to all the same people who no doubt 'ave opinions about me in light of all that's 'appened…"
"Lily…"
"No, let me finish," she insisted. "I know what folk thought of me before the accident; that I were getting ideas above my station by not only being with you but also in pretending to be a vet and…well, I'm sure that a lot of folks think I probably got my comeuppance in the accident and not being able to walk…"
"No-one thinks that!"
"I don't want their pity or their ridicule and, well, I just can't 'elp but think that it might be better to start a new life, away from Darrowby, where no-one knows us or our past. Mr and Mrs Farnon, new to whichever place we choose to go to, not 'ampered by things that 'ave 'appened before." She paused and tried to read his expression.
"I see," he said after a long silence. "But, I have my practice and there's Tristan to think about too…"
"I understand that. But you could sell the practice and buy another and Tristan's a capable young man. 'e'll fit in wherever 'e goes. Look 'ow well 'e took to Darrowby. 'e's young enough to be able to find 'is feet again and, who knows, once 'e graduates, 'e might decide 'e wants to forge 'is own path and not be in practice with his brother."
"Oh no," he said quickly. "No, we should be in practice together. It's what our father would have wanted. I'm sorry Lily, I'm just a bit…surprised by this, that's all. I just assumed you wanted to come home to Darrowby as much as I wanted you to. I can assure you that no-one in the village has spoken ill of you, at least not in my hearing."
"Well, they wouldn't, would they?"
"I suppose not but…" he paused again. "I just didn't expect this at all."
"I know that it's a surprise," she said, "and I'm sorry but…I felt that, after everything that's 'appened between us, I wanted to be 'honest with you as to 'ow I felt."
"Yes," he squeezed her hand again, "Yes, of course I want you to be honest." His eyes told a different story, however, and she couldn't help but recognise the burn of disappointment. "I suppose I shall have to think on what you've said and…and give it serious consideration."
Their food arrived at that moment and she drew back to focus on it. "Well, we don't 'ave to let it spoil our time together, do we? After all, it's only a thought."
"Yes, only a thought."
Silence descended over the table and, as she ate, she cast looks in his direction, worried by the expression on his face and the fact that she could tell her was battling internally with what she had said. It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him to forget it, that she would, of course, go home to Darrowby with him, but she found she couldn't give voice to it. After all that had happened, she needed to be true to herself and to her feelings and, right at that moment, life in Yorkshire was the last thing she wanted.