Author's Notes: What's up guys? Just a headups this entire fic is a complete crack fic, starring the Arisato twins. Think of this as a parody and don't take any of the events in here seriously. Characters will act OOC and lore points might not make sense. This is just a funny story. PS this is not related to Messiah of Decay or the Arisato twins from that fic. These two are special...let's say that.

It was late at night as two pairs of panicked footsteps echoed across an empty train station. Each dragging an oversized suitcase rolling across the sleek marble floors which reflected the exhaustion on their faces. One girl with fiery red hair and a boy with ocean blue locks raced for the double doors, the exit to their final destination.

"Minato, hurry! We're going to be locked out at this point!" Hamuko shouted, practically out of breath. Raising her wrist, she checked her watch, it was now three in the morning and they had missed their meeting at the dorms.

"Who cares? Not like they'll throw us out." Minato replied, carrying not only his case, but a map of the greater Iwatodai area.

"I can't believe we missed our stop!" He saw his sister scratch her head in frustration, destroying her messy ponytail, "I told you to wake me up when we got to Iwatodai!"

Minato shrugged, "It was an emergency."

"No it wasn't."

"Yes it was."

"You can go catch more shinies in the dorms!"

"Dear sister, I can't just abandon my love for shiny Pokemon that easily!" Minato sighed dramatically, a Nintendo DS like device strapped to his suitcase, earning a groan from his hot headed sister. When both of them had decided to forgo warning the other, they had messed their stopped and been stranded at some bum fuck nowhere station and had to beg the train station staff to get them back. By the time they made their way to the dorms, the first cracks of daylight were already upon them.

Leaping up the stairs, Hamuko grabbed the door handle, noticing it was locked. "Oh shit! Seriously, why would they shut us out when they knew we were coming?" She pulled as hard as she could, then started slamming her fists on the door furiously. "Hello? Hello?! It's the Arisatos! We're here, open up!"

BAM BAM BAM!

A few more kicks and punches at the invincible door later, no matter how hard the red hard tried, nothing would happen and no one would come to their aid.

"Pleasseeeee let us in…pleaseeeeee" Out of breath and exhausted, she slumped to the floor, whipping away fake tears from her eyes. Tears as Minato noted, were from a ruthless crocodile. She then turned her attention to her brother instead. "Wahhhhhh, big brother! They're being meanies to me!"

"There, there, Hamuko. We'll get in somehow…" Minato surveyed the building, a story till dorm with windows and ledges all over the place. "I know!" He punched a fist into his palm in a sudden eureka moment, "We should climb into our rooms if they won't let us inside."

Huamko immediately perked up at the idea, grabbing their suitcases, spilling them open to find an expertly done rope and hook. Now why either teenager at anything close to this packed inside was a mystery…for now.

"I thought I'd use this to sneak out at night but using it to get in isn't a bad idea either…" Hamuko threw the hock rope, looking for a curtainless room. Somehow hocking it, then climbing to the window. Thankfully whoever was the caretaker of the place had the damn thing unlocked for her to get in. She hopped down inside the room, whipping the sweat away from her face.

"Whew, now to get my suitcase inside…" She whispered, but the hairs of neck flared up as she felt someone on the other side of the door. Immediately she jumped to defend herself but stopped when she saw it was her brother bringing her the rest of her stuff. "Ek! You scared me Minato, and how did you get in here anyway?"

Hamuko sneakily stuck her head out the room's door, but saw nothing. Nor did she know how her brother broke instead without any tools or help. Instead of answering her directly, he shrugged.

"Magic."

"Like hell it was magic, stop bullshiting and tell me already." She huffed childishly, until she saw him bring out a hair clip from his pocket, holding in his own laughter. Her face flushed in embarrassment, knowing she had missed the easier way in. "Are you kidding me…you picked their lock with that?"

"Yep. This place isn't as secure as you think it was." Minato snickered.

"You didn't tell me you could do that."

"I also found they stash guns on the upper floors of this place."

"No way, stop joking around."

Minato held in a laugh before gesturing for them to go downstairs, changing the topic.

"Now I saw some nice food downstairs, want to take some before we settle down?"

Hamuko nodded silently, as they both made their way down the dorm until they reached the first floor. "Isn't doing this without the residence's permission kinda stealing tho?" She cracked out a cabinet filled with potato chips and other junk food.

"Who cares? We already broke in anyways. They're not worth much either." Minato tore open a bag of chips and started munching on them hard, grabbing handfuls without much concern for their recent sins. What a good role model he was, as his sister followed suit by cracking open a jar of jelly and woofing it down. Which made Minato slightly concerned.

"You have a really weird taste in sweets, you know that?"

"Shut up, I thought you hated sour cream chips."

"Will I like them now?"

"Yea…you've definitely been acting strange lately"

"Nope, I'm just me. Minato Arisato, nothing to it."

Minato said between bites of chip, the sound of which was so loud it could wake up an entire dorm…oh wait.

He then felt his sister nudge him.

"M-minato…behind you…" Hamuko mumbled, her face paling. Once he noticed, he could feel a dark, demonic presence growing from his back. Slowly, and robotically, he turned his head, a big smile on his face, greeting whoever was behind.

"Oh hello there, fellow roommate! I didn't know you were-"

And so he was taken down in one execution with a wooden rapier to the face.

THUD

"KYAHHHH! Minato!" Hamuko sprung up, grabbing the nearest ketchup and mustard bottles, firing them at point blank range at their attacker, which only made them more furious as the girl sword felt a wave of freezing wind breeze past her. Taking her chance, she took a step forward and sidestepped a sword to her chest, running for the entrance when she was blocked by a man in a red vest.

"Stop right there, thief!" He yelled, raising his fist in a battle stance.

"Oh my god, another one?!" Twisting around, Hamuko was about to make her escape upstairs when she tripped and fell over the bag of chips her brother dropped, throwing her to the ground as she cursed every god out there.

"FUCKKKKKKKKKK"

Sluggishly dragging her body to her desk, Hamuko dropped into her seat, still with a headache from the wooden sword incident. Oh how painful was that strike that she could feel her skull splitting down the middle from the inside. Planting her bag down beside her, she grumpily glared at the classroom's entrance. Beside her, sat her peers and her brother Minato, who amazingly shrugged off any pain caused by their new tyrant of a dormmate with his thick skull. Mitsuru Kirijo was her name, and she had forced them to apologize in front of the entire dorm and rudely sent them on their way to school.

"Come on…let the day end already." The red head mumbled to herself, feeling an urge to leap out of the window to certain freedom. Neither twin had liked being locked up in some crappy concrete building somewhere to cram for whatever the fuck exams they had that decided the rest of their lives. To Hamuko, that system or rather way of life sounded insane. And so, the person that would walk through those gated classroom doors would next become her greatest nightmare.

"How do you do, fellow kids?"

She almost spat out the gum she had acquired from a shady vendor, walking in was a dark haired man with a golden earring. Slightly outgrown spiky hair, wearing a dark turtleneck with a gray suit jacket, he introduced himself to the second years as their new home room teacher.

"My name's Naoya Toudou, you all may address me as Toudou-sensei. I'll be your homeroom and English teacher from now on" He said, placing down a giant stack full of papers on the desk, shocking most of the class.

"What happened to Toriumi-sensei?" One kid whispered.

"Did she get fired or something?" Another comment sounded.

"Maybe he'll go easy on us and we can slack off unlike you know who."

And that last kid managed to seal the fate of the entire class as Naoyo cracked a sweet, serene, gentle smile that would fill the hearts of both puppies and kittens with the most eternal form of dread. He scanned the room, his eyes landing on the Arisato siblings and then to his stack of already prepared work on his desk, "Since I'm new here, I'll be assessing each and every one of your abilities individually to make sure I can teach you all at the right pace!"

He handed up the papers, each one dropping down on the horrified student's desks in a sadistic nuclear thump that threatened to shatter their desks. Hamuko's eyes crazily scanned the hell packet she was just handed, its thickness twice that of a newly published Shonen Jump manga. Cold sweat rolled down her face as she examined the content inside, from high level math, to ancient lines of English and even some parts on how to summon demons. Flipping through, she could hear her peers scream out in protest at their new jailer.

"For real?!" A boy's jaw dropped, "I'm not doing this!"

"Yea! This is harassment!" A girl followed, throwing her packet at Minato, who dodged right of the way, hitting an unsuspecting nerd in the corner instead.

"Aren't you only our English teacher? Why is there all this other crap inside?"

"Down with your tyranny! "

Naoya watched some kid barely miss his baseball at his face, his smile unwavering. Although it did start to take on a darker quality as the youngman kept his cool, until he let loose a wave of pressure that set the children in their place, causing some to even faint. He opened his eyes, with Hamuko swearing she briefly saw them flash yellow for a mere tenth of a second, scaring everyone in the room.

"So…" He began, seeing the trembling frames of the previously rambunctious youth now quivering in fear of his authority, "who dares to defy my authority again? I'll let you children know, this school is run by a dictatorship, not a democracy, so listen up before I recommend you to the real monster that runs this place." He said, a mental image of a devilish redhead surrounded by ice and a wooden rapier clasped in her hand came up in Hamuko's head.

No one moved an inch, sitting up with backs straight, afraid to even breathe wrong at their new sensei.

"Good, good. Now we'll begin with exam number one." Just as Naoya passed the final paper out, Hamuko stood up from her desk and tore her entire packet into two, leaving everyone speechless.

"Eh?" Naoyo sounded out, his expression blank.

"Pft! I'm not doing your garbage papers." Hamuko sized up the grown man, crossing her arms.

"Is that so…?"

Minato joined his sister, throwing his packet filled with crayon drawings of shiny Pokmeon at their teacher. "We ain't doing any busy work, sensei. Go take a hike."

And so, started the misfortunes and adventures of the infamous Arisato siblings. Maybe they'll manage to save the world, maybe not. Who knows?

Author's Notes: So now the adventures of dummy and dumber start. That is if they survival Naoya that is. Feel free to review and give ideas if they you'll find this funny.