When I am dead, my dearest, Sing no sad songs for me;
Plant thou no roses at my head,
Nor shady cypress tree:
Be the green grass above me
With showers and dewdrops wet;
And if thou wilt, remember,
And if thou wilt... (forget)
Original poem by Christina Rossetti, 'When I am dead, my dearest'
June brings with it warmer weather and longer days. The air feels comfortable against Izuku's skin, and the temperature is something he no longer notices. The sun shines brightly in place of the rain of the night, bringing with it a gentle humidity. As he walks, puddles splash at his old red shoes.
The open plaza of the mall has no roof, and the ground is dotted with reflections of the skies- very blue today, with all clouds having syphoned of rain and then blown away. The nice weather and impending summer break brings gaggles of teens browsing through the shops- the people most dense around the corners of the sports equipment store where a multitude of swim gear is located, now colourful with advertisements of the newest summer fashion. Even through his headphones, Izuku hears glacial songs, and as he passes the crowd he smells purple and azaleas.
He smiles to himself, as he begins browsing through the rows far away. In comparison the section for hiking gear today is preferably quiet, and he basks in it as he flips through the jackets on the rack in front of him. One catches his eyes, but after flipping out the tags for his size and not finding one, Izuku sighs, and keeps browsing down the line.
Something red flows past his eyes, catching his gaze. Following it he finds a whale weaving through the air, the red from the veil she wears, something that fools the watcher into thinking her eyes are a brighter green than actuality. She flits through the store, tiptoeing from the top of one line of jackets to another, moving through the motions of searching them.
"Miss Poppy," he calls, adjusting his headphones as his voice draws the attention of a passer by. The action turns them away and Izuku knows with certainty he will leave their mind within moments, "found anything?"
The witness of origins giggles, now hanging upside down as she floats through the air. Her short curls bounce, but don't fall, and no stray hairs hang downwards from gravity.'That one over there looks nice,'she points, flipping back upright. Her red veil forms a curve with her motion. Someone walks through it, they don't notice.
He finds the jacket in question with her guidance, him weaving through aisles and her flying over them singsonging. He likens her to a small, excitable bird, although she is in actuality almost twice his height. He flips through a few sizes, and pulls a corresponding one from its rack- it's just a size too big, white, mostly made of nylon with a green collar. He turns to the mirror, holding it up to himself and ponders.
"It does look nice," he meets Miss Poppy's eyes. She cheers and flits over his head, and he catches her not-scent like one might catch perfume, "do you think I should get it?"
Stopping her little dance, which she had started while he was contemplating the decision, Miss Poppy shrugs.'Dunno, do you like it?'She asks as she hugs her knees, flipping through the air, before she extends her limbs, and cartwheels through the shop. Her not-voice fades away as she rolls out of his earshot.
'Wheeeee'
Yeah, Aegir is right. She's not just a bird, she's a sparrow on caffeine.
"If you like it, you should," someone muses, voice real and a little close- Izuku startles, almost jumping. He turns around to see familiar blond hair, two strands hanging over a gaunt face that is warm with a grin and kind. All Might, "good morning, young Midoriya." He greets, white shirt hanging off his bony frame and two shopping bags hanging from his hands- one of them filled to the brim with cat treats. Princess is getting spoiled, no doubt.
'Purrrrrrincessssss,'Poppy corrects his thought as she floats upside down, slowly descending next to his face and smiling like the sun. Her hair brushes his own,'it's a puuuun.'
She giggles, then floats away once more. Behind All Might, Miss Rosemary sighs. Her eyes are indulgent as she watches her sister laugh, eyes the same shade, yet its green is less pronounced due to the blue of her own veil.'Oh, Poppy.'She sighs,'hello, Izuku.'Her eyes crinkle as she greets.
"G-Good morning, Al- ah, Yagi-san,"the name feels awkward on his tongue, and Izuku nods, eyes a little off to the side so he greets Miss Rosemary too, he motions at the bags, "Princess is eating good tonight, isn't she?"
He tries to pronounce the pun, but it ends up sounding just about the same as how he would say the word in English, normally. All Might clears his throat, "her name isPURRincessCowboy Gunslinger of Peace," he corrects, a sort of playful mock-offence in his voice. Poppy laughs and Rosemary snorts, Izuku gives him a wry grin, which the man returns, "but, yes. She is difficult to say no to. The vet has recommended healthier options to control her diet as well. Hopefully she likes these better than the last batch. I caught sight of you while leaving, and decided to come say hello." There's a pause, "were you calling someone? I noticed you seemed to have been in a conversation just now."
"Yeah," he slips before he realises, and feels the world close around his throat. Rosemary straightens with alarm, turning a sharp, warning glare to the air, and Poppy lands from her flight, closing a protective hand around his arm. He swallows around the chokehold, and taps his headphones before sliding them off, "I was just chatting with a family friend for advice. She's hung up, though, and I just started mumbling to myself."
The lie is easy, and it dissipates the oppressive, stale air around him. As All Might nods and leaves the topic, however, his tongue stings with something tart. Poppy pats his head, 'there, there,' she taps twice like a consolation.
"This is an odd time to be looking for jackets, though-" All Might flips through a few of the options around them, "or do you have any kind of activity planned for the summer?"
Izuku laughs, sheepish, "I wanted to go hiking," he admits, "but then when I dug out the old windbreaker I realised it's too small for me now that I've gained some muscle mass." He flexes his arm a little, it bulges around his old t-shirt in a way it wouldn't have, before. "I'm also thinking of getting some ankle weights for training, since I'm keeping up some of the self-defence training." He omits the part where Ruslan was helping, leaving All Might to assume. He's learned better now.
"Hmm, I see," All Might hums, "I must admit I don't know much about fashion, so while the decision on the jacket would be up to you, I can help you with selecting weights, if you don't mind me following along?" He offers, and Izuku's face beams with a smile.
"Of course!"
The smile stays there, the rest of their shopping trip. Sharing stories from Rabbit and Purrincess respectively as they go over the selection of weights, occasionally All Might offers him some insight on decision making with training gear, citing certain types of equipment he's found to be most useful- Rosemary trailing along them as she watches them fondly, her not-scent enveloping them with every word passed between them.
Legacy.He's starting to understand it more and more. It feels a little like belonging.
Slowly the conversation drifts off topic, and as they approach the cashier, Izuku with Poppy's choice of jacket as well as a pair of weights and All Might with a whistle he bought for a joke they made while on the way here, he finds himself ranting about plants- of all things.
"-and I'm pretty sure no one came in to water them, I lock the door when I leave and only two other people have a key and one'sin Americaand the other works himself nine to fiveto death, so why does it keep spawning tomatoes like it's the best grown plant ever?" He makes a motion around his head- the dilemma has haunted him for the past seven months, by now. "I have no idea how it'sstill alive, much less producing enough fruit that I have toactually cookso they don't, like, pile up and rot in the fridge- I don't get it.I don't even fertilise that thing."
All Might looks on, half with intrigue, half with amusement. "And how are the pots of thymes doing?" He asks, the hero had bought him two pots after spotting him staring at them through a flower shop window one day after training, and brought them as a Christmas gift. Izuku actually makes an effort to care for them, but-
"They're growing all over my balcony." He answers, exasperated. The last time Tsukauchi visited for some more information on Kawasaki he had been flabbergasted by the fact that the plant is alive- and has taken over the whole windowsill. He had helped Izuku with moving them over to the balcony, where they're advancing in their conquest of any available space they can grow on. "Rabbit loves napping next to them."
"Hmm, should we get him some catnip then? The plant, I mean."
"Absolutely nothe's overactive enough normally. I gave him catnip once, he destroyed the living room and almost ripped out all my cables." The look on Tsukauchi's face when he actually managed to knock on his door, and then opened it to find Izuku in battle with a cat higher than cloud nine had been priceless, but he's never doing that again.Ever.
They bid each other goodbye at the entrance of the mall, All Might clapping his shoulder with a grin. "It was nice seeing you here, I enjoyed our little shopping trip," Izuku beams back at that, and the man ruffles his hair, "well, then. Good luck with your hiking preparations! Hiking together would be a lovely bonding experience between friends and loved ones, but while I would've loved to join you, unfortunately my schedule has other plans it seems." Izuku wilts a little, but All Might gives him another pat on the back, puffing out his chest, "but don't let that stop you! I'll also suitably adjust the training schedule so you don't overexert yourself before and after the hike. I hope you enjoy your time!"
"Hai!" Izuku salutes, a smile back on his face. The hero laughs heartily at that, crossing his arm.
"That's the spirit," he nods, "your progress these past months has been astounding- lets' keep it up! See you tomorrow!"
He waves as the man walks down the street, Rosemary's figure by the man's side as he leaves. He glances to his side and finds the eldest Hirizlaug sister standing right next to him as well. She catches his gaze, and shrugs.
Omnipresence.
He walks home alone to everyone else in the world, something which happens much less often than it used to now, something Izuku finds comforting. But he's also never really alone, as Poppy trails around him, and Rosemary follows his steps. Sensing his thoughts, the latter catches his gaze.'It's okay if you do feel lonely just with us,'she says,'we love you, Izuku, we might be keeping you company- but we ultimately aren't human. And you need other humans in your life.'
"Thank you," Her open admission of their care for him brings a smile to his face, he slips his headphones over his ears again as he speaks. "I'm glad too, that I'm... less lonely."
It's not true- not entirely, traces of guilt lingers in him still, and he can't quite squash it just yet- with it is bitterness. Perhaps if they can exist- if only it wasn't so unfair.
Someone else came into nonexistence then, and Izuku looks up, startled. Gunpowder and smoke joins poppies and rosemaries, Izuku meets red eyes, turning to face him Ruslan leans against the wall by his door, hair grazing the ceiling. Next to him stands Kacchan, hand raised about to knock, stopped halfway to stare at Izuku. His heart-
Seizes, like a lump in his throat as he stops, cat food and paper bags from the sports equipment store still hanging from his hands. He suddenly feel like he's showing far too much skin, backing away, suddenly self conscious of the muscle mass he's gained the past few months. There is no school uniform or cardigans to hide behind, and his change from whimpy, skinny Deku is obviously on full display.
Kacchan thankfully doesn't note on his exposed arms, and instead raises a brow at him, displeased, "you skipped out yesterday," there are several pieces of paper in the blonde's hand, worksheets, "thought you'd be coming in more often, after the last few months."
The words paint disappointment, but Kacchan just sounds angry, and Izuku find something like indignance rise in him. "It's the last year, just thought I ought to be safer about it," Izuku retorted, averting his eyes. He turns his attention to the ripening tomato plants on his windowsill instead, the glossy red painting something bright and merry against the duller gray of the apartment complex's walls.
Rabbit leaps onto the window ajar, yawning. He's grown bigger the past half a year, from the tiny thing barely fitting in his palm to almost the size of an adult cat. His ears perk at the sight of Izuku, and he leaps down, winding around his legs, nuzzling them as he purrs. Kacchan stares after the cat with an unreadable expression, and Izuku feel protectiveness swell up in him.
"What," he takes a step, shielding Rabbit, and Kacchan looks back up to meet his eyes, then what little courage Izuku gathered scatters like rats at the sight of a passerby. He wilts under the red. A hand close around his shoulder, warm and faint and sweet almost nothing, and he calms.
"So that's what made all that fucking noise last time," Kacchan comments, turning his glare back towards the gray tabby busy with covering his pant legs with fur. This is his first time meeting Rabbit- Izuku never mentioned him to the blond, after all, why would he? It's not like they talk. Not anymore. The teen thankfully turns his attention away from the cat, and instead his eyes land on Izuku's bags. "Big shopping trip." He notes, scowling. "What for?"
Izuku contemplates ignoring him, but Kacchan is standing right in front of his door, and there is no way to get around him. Kacchan stands there, waiting for his answer and growing impatient with every moment passed. "Hiking trip," Izuku blurts, "my old jacket doesn't fit anymore."
The blond's scowl deepens. His eyes dart down towards Izuku's exposed arms, where his muscles are tense holding up the bag of cat food. He opens his mouth to say something, but Izuku doesn't let him start.
Clockwork comes into being, and he breaths in oil and grease and something like car fumes. He whirls around without saying a word, and catches mister Archer's eyes.
'Brunroc,'mister Ruslan greets, nodding. The witness of labour nods, flashing a grin.
'Naomasa,'is what he says, barely moments before a familiar face walks up the stairs, Tsukauchi-san comes into view hat first and meets his eyes, blinking in slight surprise, meanwhile Izuku's are wild and desperate, and he was about to make his way over, when Kacchan clicks his tongue, and he turns back to face the teen.
"Whatever," that's all he hears, before the blond smacks his worksheets in his chest. They flutter to the ground as Izuku scrambled to catch them, and Kacchan brushes past him without looking back. "See you at school, nerd."
He picks up his homework and looks up just in time to catch Kacchan walking down the stairs, Tsukauchi-san frowning as he stares after him. The detective turns back to face him, raising a brow. "Classmate?" He asks.
"That's... Kacchan." Izuku finds his voice after a few moments, he fixes his grip on the bags, gathering himself, then swallows. "Um, you wanna come in?"
His plants do not stop growing like weeds in autumn.
He's thought that maybe it's the weather's doing, why the plants are doing so well. Any consultations with online forums result in the netizens' envy or fury one way or the other, from the few who reply. So, Izuku spent his entire summer not only training but also trimming his plants, and outgrows another section of his wardrobe.
He is so glad Rosemary follows him around now, she's much better at finance than he is. He didn't expect it at first, and voices his question, which is when the woman levelled him with an even gaze and a smile, and proceeded to tell him exactly how many times she had to witness inheritance disputes and horrible budgeting as a result of them.
In hindsight, he really should have expected that.
The temperature has grown relatively colder, compared to the past couple of weeks. There is a chill in the wind now, one that is, at least according to the weather reports, growing stronger over the course of the week. He sits in his room, hunched over his laptop as he squints against the screen. Aegir is on the shelf next to him cross-legged, reading a book Izuku bought just last week. He pokes him in the shoulder.
'Posture,'the blond cetacean drawls. Izuku sighs.
(A/N: posture check from Aegir! Are you sitting like a shrimp? Fix it.)
"Okay, okay." He straightens and glances to the side, "page turn?"
'Yep.'
Izuku reaches over and turns the page. He glances at the contents English, at least he recognises the language this time and predictably, understands none of it. "I honestly thought you'd have read every book in the world by now." He admits.
Aegir shrugs,'osmosis and actually reading it for myself is different,'his expression shifts subtly, but not subtle enough,'well, not like we were ever able to do anything for ourselves.'
The words sting, and Izuku wretches his eyes from the cetacean's constructed form and back at his screen. Someone sighs from the doorway,'Aegir,'Alice's voice is disapproving, and Izuku feels her presence move through his room, something cool and comforting. He feels the brush of her cape against his arm in concept, as she leans over his shoulder to look at his screen,'new timetable?'She asks. And Izuku shrinks into his seat.
"Yeah," he scrolls downwards to the empty parts of the grids, averting his eyes, "the weather's changing up, so I thought I should make a new schedule."
'Back up a little bit, darling?'Izuku winces, he knew he couldn't scroll fast enough.'That's a little too much for the mornings, isn't it?'He glances up, meeting the woman's eyes, she raises a brow back down towards him, and sighs. 'Izuku,' she chides, looking less angry or disappointed and more just- sad.
'Oooh boy,'Aegir whistles,'you made her upset.'
"The weather is colder now, and at this point if I don't start increasing my workload I'm not going to be able to catch up." Izuku protests, "It's fine once I get used to it."
Alice sighs, the breath is cold yet nonexistent,'Izuku, love, you are going to hurt yourself.'
"But at this point I'd only be able to catch up on muscle mass, and that's it!" Frustration wells up, and he feels a silver of it burn in the rims of his eyes. "And that's useless! It doesn't matter if I inherit One for All if I don't even know how to use these-" he flexes, and pokes at his biceps, "I have so much to catch up on, so much to learn, I'm barely caught up as is."
'And overworking yourself isn't going to help you at all.'
The not-voice is unexpected, and it startles him. He scarcely hears it, if at all. Alice doesn't react, but she smiles wryly, and turns around.'Azalea.'She greets.
He follows her gaze to the doorway, where a new figure leans against the frame. Her form is wavering, flickering at the edges, frayed. Next to him, Aegir looks up, surprised.'Hirizlaug,'he tilts his head,'got yourself back together, didn't you?'
The woman scoffs.'Won't be long,'she murmurs, her not-voice falls apart into concept too easily, and it's difficult to look at her. She looks less like something he can see, and more like something he conjured from his own imagination. He knows the shade of red her hair is not because he sees it, but rather because he knows what it should be. The same as her sisters.
She has a single antler branching from her head on the right, he never noticed. She meet his gaze. Green- same as her sisters.'Izuku-kun,'she greets.
"Azalea-san," he's only met her three times, his entire life. He watches her figure flicker, "how are you?"
She doesn't answer, instead her eyes are on the screen of his laptop.'You aren't as far behind as you'd think.'
"ButI am!"
His voice sends a waver through her form, and the whale songs she sings sigh. "everyone would have been using their quirks for their entire lives by then and I would've just gotten it- I'm barely starting out." His nails dig into his palms, hands fisted in his lap. "So what if I get as- as-"
'Beefy.'Aegir provides.
"Beef-" Izuku stops himself, and sends Aegir a withering look, "strongas All Might, when I don't know how to use any of it, or control it at all? I need more time- the sooner I'm done with this part of the training, the sooner I can start getting used to using this power. I need to catch up."
'You have us,'Miss Azalea points out.
"That's different!" Izuku snaps, "it's... not the same."
'Izuku, you have had, and will have access to the entire human history, its knowledge and the stars so long as you ask. That is an advantage.'The not-voice gradually grows less like concepts and feelings being poured into his brain and more like- words. He breaths in the not-scent of azaleas.'You have the witness of war teaching you hand to hand combat. You have near omniscient beings right by your side- you can know everything that is going on in this world so long as you ask. That is an advantage.'
"...I know."
'You don't sound like you do.'She says. Blunt. The scent of azaleas wafts, something firm and almost forceful that hits him with a pang. Her eyes seem more defined now, and he can tell they are the same shape as her sisters'. Doe-like. She motions to speak but falters, and instead of anything he can decipher into words he hears whale songs and feelings.
'Azalea,'Alice... pleads,'preserve your strength.'Izuku has never heard her like this. And the pink- he realises belatedly, that Azalea's form is mostly deep pinks like her name. The figure flickers again, tearing at the seams like a child picking at a fraying edge of a torn hole in stockings. A not-sound comes through, something he can't catch but Alice does.'I know, I will tell him. Rest. Focus.'
Something flickers in her eyes, and then like the thread in a stocking being pulled- unravels, and Izuku sits staring at nothing, breathing in the not-scent of azaleas.
He doesn't move for a while.
A sigh pulls his gaze from the empty space, where the watercolour strokes he associates with choices recedes,''Sustainability and quality should both be considered a factor of efficiency.''Alice quotes.'That's… what she wanted to say just now.'
Izuku is silent, before reworking his timetable under the watchful eyes of Alice and Aegir, the latter occasionally bothering him for a page flip. The whales murmur advice into his ears, but the... sight? of pink deteriorating and falling apart remains on his mind.
It stays longer than he'd like, and remains there when he quotes Azalea's words to All Might, and watches as he nods with approval.
It lingers on his mind as he reworks his nutrition plans with All Might in his living room, both hunched over the coffee table, a plate of biscuits from Tsukauchi sitting right next to them.
It lingers on his mind, when All Might's eyes slide right past Alice and Aegir, even when they sit right by his side. Always watching.
Come an early winter morning, Izuku sets down a bicycle onto the side of a neatly arranged pile of garbage in a clearing, with sweat slicked skin and lungs out of breath. The chill burns his lungs and stings his exposed arms, his jacket hanging from the back of a bench just several paces away.
He pants, every bone in his body aches- but as he turns around, and sees dawn painted across the gleaming waters of the shoreline, his eyes shine with tears. He feels the urge to scream.
Clockwork reaches his ears.
'You can, you know.'the words are woven from concepts and whale songs.'Scream. You worked hard. I know so.'The witness of labour grins down at him, Archer wears a brown hat, and his eyes are bronze.'What you did here is amazing. You should be proud of yourself.'
All Might arrives at the beach that morning to the sight of him venting his emotions to the sea. And when the hero envelopes him into a hug that scorches his skin with warmth and pride, he sobs with a face twisted into something tearful and ugly, breathing in harshly.
He smells the sea, sweat, and the tangy metallic scent of blood that lingers on Yagi Toshinori's form—something familiar.
He smells roses, rosemaries and something purple.
They celebrate with take out udon in his home, thymes in pots sitting on the windowsill and a cat purring in his lap. Seven tomatoes sit on his kitchen counter, six having been gifted away to Tsukauchi, the other six in a plastic next to Yagi-san, who seems to take great amusement in his plant dilemma. The man laughs as Izuku digs out his entire collection of 'T-shirt' shirts and runs a impromptu mini fashion show, while he himself almost choked on a piece of fishcake as Yagi-san creates an impressive one-man reenactment of Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker's iconic 'No, I am your father' scene.
The house is warmer, and it's not because of the steam from the broth.
The hospital is quiet the day before his entrance exam. Pale walls that once felt looming and oppressive seems a little less so today, and instead paints a calm, smooth canvas, on which he watches the colours of concept flow. Sprigs of thyme flowers sits in the vase by his mother's bed, dewdrops gleaming on purple petals.
"The beach is so beautiful now." He says, fingers playing with his mom's braid. It's from last visit, a new pattern, one Rosemary guided him through, and it's fallen apart. "We went over the sand one last time with one of those rake-like thingies to catch any remaining glass shards last week, and now it's cleaner than half the beaches I see online."
"We still train there, though. And we clean some times. It's honestly habit I think." His hand brushes her cheeks. They're not hollowed, but there's a pallor to her skin from the lack of sun. "Ruslan taught me some things from Aikido, it's amazing how much you can do even without using strength. Yagi-san has been teaching me how to throw punches better. I never used to have the strength for that kind of fighting style."
He smooths his fingers through her hair, and combs them out. Thyme is seated near the head of the bed, a hand laid over his mother's heart as the air hummed with her focus. Alice settles next to him, and observes his movements.
'Trying something new?'
"Mmhm."
'I can guide you through one, if you want.'
His eyes brighten as they meet her nonexistent ones, and she smiles. His fingers are clumsy with his newfound strength, calluses and movements he's unused to still. As he pokes his tongue out a corner of his mouth, Alice sighs wistfully.
'I used to braid Sezia's hair like this, when she first- figured out what she wanted to look like.'She hovers a hand over his own, gently correcting a cross from over a strand to under.'it's been so long.'
Yagi-san is not surprised when he sees him seated in the room, and lays his share of flowers on the bedside table as he joins him in silence.
It's comfortable. It's warm. Izuku breathes in roses and purple and rosemaries and thymes.
Leaving is a little easier now than it was a year ago, when the only person who mattered in the world, to him, was in that room. She still lies there, but he looks outside the room and can think of at least two other people waiting for him. One of which is standing near the end of the hallway where the elevator hall is, looking back in askance.
Making his way down should've been easy, had there not been the familiar swish of a blue braid.
He catches sight of something dark, and a brush of purple. She is leaning against a wall, quiet, and meets his eyes. He freezes. Alice lays a hand on his shoulder. Gentle.
'You should talk to her,' she murmurs.
He does not.
Sezia watches the boy leave.
Simultaneously she watches the light and breath slowly leave a patient's body. And scarcely moments after the boy walks out of earshot, a long, flat sound of a beep echoes through the room adjacent to Midoriya Inko's.
'He'll come around.'Alice comforts.'He's just scared of you, and... Doesn't understand you.'
'I know.'She answers. Her fingers ghost past the dead's face, and she recalls their life.'Thyme's, and yours, after all. It's only natural.'
She laughs, it's a quiet thing.'You are brooding.'she murmurs, gaze is firmly on the figure of joint hands as an old woman watches her husband fall asleep, one last time.'are you jealous, love?'
'No.'
'Ah, not of Izuku, then.'
She sighs. Their hands are joint somewhere. She lays her head on her shoulder elsewhere. Their foreheads touch- and love turns into loss and perseveres into grief.
Sometimes there is someone else, and she meets Aegir Adhal's eyes as someone breaks a promise. She sees Ruslan in a distance, as gunpowder and ashes drift. Sometimes there is no love at all, and she is alone when she meets someone for the first time in their life, and the last time as well, silently waiting at the end.
But somewhere she opens her eyes and meets someone again. They don't meet her, and she watches red eyes swim with tears and pain engulf her tiny frame. As her body unravels, waiting to be put back together again.
Sezia swallows the pain, and offers the little girl another song.
"What is it like?"
That was what he asked, with pink falling apart still fresh on his mind. The whale songs halted at his question, and he saw the colours stir, for a moment. A sharp jerk backwards like a flinch. There was no need to elaborate- they knew what he meant.
'It's difficult to explain,'he caught Alice's form, out the corner of his eyes. He was laying in bed then, staring at the ceiling after one of his evening stretches. He smelled thymes- real thyme, drifting in through the window, among the conceptual, faintly in the air, a little sad.
"You always say that." His voice cracked, it's not intentional, and he turned on his side to stare at the tall figure now leaning against his table. Alice stared back evenly. She felt quiet. "Try?"
Someone else sighed, and Aegir slid down from the shelf he's been on that entire evening. The book Izuku had been flipping for him lay on his table now ('Equus', the title read).'Humans- exist.'He started- in a manner that Izuku thought was almost lame.'You are flesh and blood- being comes... easy, to you. To you, consciousness is rather, taken for granted- to us, that's... all we are.'
'Picture if you are nothing but your thoughts. No idea of what you might be- who you are, what you look like. You know, but cannot feel the world unless you- consciously construct what is needed to. Like wind- malleable, fragile.'He paused, and Izuku felt as though his form was flickering for a moment,'now imagine, if that ability has too been robbed from you. And existence too, but your nature prevents your death, so now the only thing between you and the ceasing of- well, you, not your memories, not your body but you- is this constant convincing of yourself that-'
He lost words, stopping, speechless for a moment. Izuku had never seen that expression on him before.
'That I exist.'Alice picked up where he left off. 'I am real. I am thinking. That I am, and I'm not-' her voice faltered,'I think, therefore I am. That's a human saying. Seems simple, but to us, thinking is the only thing that keeps us from- ceasing, and thinking alone is- difficult.'
Izuku's mouth felt dry.
'It's easier for Gaimetaine, due to her nature- takes less focus. But it also hurts more, I think.'Aegir shakes his head, and that strange expression vanishes. He meets Alice's eyes, and she averts them. Izuku doesn't know how to feel.'Not so much for me- but it takes more focus.'
He doesn't really know what to say. He looks between the two, and for the first time, from the perpetual whale songs and starlight and colours around him, senses- exhaustion. A quiet little thing. A faint little thing. A silver of colour, in a sea of concepts. He sits up in his bed, quiet.
How did they all make it this long?
'All?'The laugh was a harsh thing, and Izuku's gaze was pulled towards Aegir once more. The whale met his eyes,'Izuku, we are what's left.'
'Most of us didn't even have the luxury of deciding who they wanted to be.'
Trivia:
As Izuku loses his mind over overly resistant plants, behind them, two of the Hirizlaug sisters share a glance, and elsewhere in the world, Poppy nudges her sister. 'Should we tell him Rabbit has a passive plant quirk?'
Rosemary shrugs, 'no harm done so far.'
'Okay, so nah it is.'
I forgot to mention it, but Rabbit is named after two of the cats I had as a kid- Rabbit the first and Rabbit the second, they're both adorable kitties who loves hanging out in the garden and 'help' my mom with the plants.
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