Author's Note:

Oh, hi!

I've always wanted to write a bittersweet love story with one of my favorites, Naruto Uzumaki and it took me a while to bring it to life but here it is!

Warning: there's smut implied but nothing graphic. Also, angst and I are married so naturally that's to be expected with this piece :)

"Ever since we were kids, all I ever wanted was to protect you."

The rain outside was heavy.

When Amaya opened her eyes again, she was a few feet away from him - cerulean eyes looking at her with curiosity as she took shelter from the weather, beating down the wood rhythmically. Wordlessly, the young girl dragged her knees to her chest, her clothes covered in grass stains and otherwise as she squished her cheek against her knee. Without hesitation, Naruto reaches out and brushes his fingers against hers. At 6 years old, Amaya is awfully afraid of the rainy weather - her mom always told her that if she stayed outside during it something would come and get her.

She was too young to know it was just her mother's way of keeping her from the cold. It's one of many ways she's learned to manage the uncertainty of leaving her alone while she worked.

He knows her, maybe even better than she did herself, so he reaches out for her hands with stubby fingers that matched hers. She looked at Naruto, who grins with pride - a bandage is laid across two different parts of his face. She had put them on him, having learned the lesson long before to keep them tucked in the pocket of her overalls. He looks brave. She also happens to know that he is brave, so when he reaches for her nervous hands, she takes it.

"I hate the rain," she mumbled against her clothed pant leg. Naruto scoots closer to her, bridging the gap that seemed to grow wider with the shake of thunder. She unfolds herself, her knees touching as she sits criss-cross across from each other.

He hugs her as tight as he can, suddenly. It is the first time in the 6 years she's been alive that she had the air knocked out of her like this.

"I'll protect you forever, Amaya," he promises her. "So don't worry,"

Her grip is weak when she hugs him back, letting frustrated tears fall on his shoulder as he waits out with her in the little shelter they both just barely fit in.

"Promise?,"

He nods, confident.

"Promise,"

Amaya knew she loved Naruto Uzumaki as early as 6 years old. She still can't be sure if this revelation is a curse or a blessing, so she chooses to see it as neither. Naruto has always taught her lessons she never thought she would have to learn. From how to make cup ramen to how to wash her clothes without wasting too much detergent. Naruto had always learned everything he knew by himself, but never fussed about teaching her.

She thinks it's just in his nature, his uncomplicated drive and easy resolve. Naruto had always been chasing one dream, but more than that - Naruto had only ever really wanted one thing. It was to be acknowledged by the people who once looked down on him. It was his life force, what turned his will into his way later on in his life. He would chase and chase and chase his aspirations until he was down to bone and dust.

Naruto was much like Icarus, chasing the daylight even when his wings would get singed. But she, unlike everyone else, has learned better than to try to pull him away. It's why there's always a bandage in her pockets. It's why she fell into everything, sure someone with a set of wings will come and pick her up.

Amaya always loved Naruto Uzumaki. Ever since she was old enough to understand that the word love is simply another word for cherish - and to be most accurate, she cherished Naruto Uzumaki and his presence more than most things. She had always wanted to stick closely by his side, if the universe allowed it. As time continues to clumsily fall through her fingertips like the sand in an hourglass, her admiration for the blonde continues to light a fire in her. She watched his every step.

She stood sturdy by his side through everything. He knocked at her door when he passed the ninja exams and had dinner with her and her mom to celebrate. She was the person he cried to when Sasuke left. She watched as he cut himself down with the heaviness of his own expectations and held his hand through each and every moment. When Naruto breaks, Amaya sits beside the pieces and puts him back together.

Because he was so unabashedly her best friend and he deserved nothing less. Because with all her whole heart, she loves and cherishes Naruto Uzumaki.

And when Naruto Uzumaki leaves with Jiraiya to train for the next few years, she doesn't tell him to stop chasing his dreams. Instead, she gives him a final hug, tight around his middle and lets him go.

Amaya watched him until she could no longer see his silhouette down the beaten path, and she turned on her heels with a heavy heart.

When people say distance makes the heart grow fonder, she always gave a resounding sigh. For two years, she continued to train - but most importantly, she was waiting for Naruto to one day appear through those doors again. She pictured it a thousand times by now, what he looks and sounds like now - would he be the same as he'd always been? What would he think of her now - she looks different than she did at thirteen. She hoped for better but maybe he wouldn't think so.

The aching emptiness in her heart from his disappearance is filled as quick as she can lay her eyes on him again. It happens so fast, she was winded by the end - hands clutching her chest as she sees the blonde streak of lightning in all of his glory, simply taking in all of what he'd missed since he'd been away. Warmth that fills her to the very brim until it tears her apart edge to edge.

"Holy shit,"

He whips around as soon as he hears her voice, his eyes looking through the crowd until he lands on her. When he does, he comes barreling towards her with everything he's got. He's gotten so much taller, broader in his shoulders and chest - his jaw is more angular and it almost feels like his teeth are more sharp when he grins. She didn't have time to dwell on it too long, because before she knew it - he was hugging her. He's strong enough to pick her up and spin her around like she weighed nothing,

Everything about him is different and nothing is different, all at once. Most importantly, his hug is just as familiar as it had been before. It's warm and inviting - he still smells faintly of ramen but mostly like cheap scented soap and wood. It comforts her. His warmth is still suffocating and wonderful as it has always been. There's no where she'd rather be, and no one she'd rather see than him

When she pull away, she find herself looking up at him instead of looking at him. With a sigh and a bout of breathless laughter - he looks at her fondly. A wild grin, and the striking ocean blue that is idiosyncratic with the name Naruto Uzumaki. Fondly, he pinches her cheek between his thumb and forefinger.

"Hey stranger," she whispered , just barely holding herself together.

"Hey,"

Yes, when Naruto returns from his training to Konoha everything changes. He is still just as familiar as he was before, but now each hug and lingering glance makes everything in her feel hot. When he smiles at her, she finds herself looking away after returning it. When he touches her, every nerve in her skin stands on end. He has become the reason her breathing is so erratic, but he's still the person who eases her most.

Those feelings had been just feelings for the longest. Nothing more and nothing less. That's what she tells herself anyways, even when Naruto sends her knowing glances that she never acknowledges. She can't risk fucking up something so precious to her. She didn't need any more losses.

When everything hits her, it's in the days after her mother passes that she seeks Naruto out for comfort. Having lost the greatest love in her life in a war that we all wage, she could only think of seeking him out. She appears at his doorstep with the weight of her world on her shoulders, with no tears left to give him and no words to exchange.

And with Naruto, she never needed words. She never needed anything to be in his presence, and she finds herself helplessly reaching around for him when the darkness clouds her heart.

All he has to do is look at her. When he opens the door, he can feel everything that is wrong. He doesn't ask any questions.

Instead, he pulls her into the strength of his arms and holds her. At the doorway of Naruto's apartment, she buries herself in his neck and just stay there for a little while. His hand cups the back of her neck and soothes her. He draws her in as close as he can and she lets him.

All the raw emotions are piercing through her with each breath. It feels like her ribs are pressed against her lungs as she struggles to breathe, but when she looks up - Naruto makes it all easier. He is the first gulp of air she has gotten as the despair has rendered her unable to complete the simple task of trying to stay alive. When she looks at him, all she can feel is love so heavy it grounds her to reality.

"Thank you," she whispers against his skin

"When I'm with you it feels like I can forget everything bad," she admits with a tired voice, still smiling "So thank you,"

Suddenly, Naruto draws back and before she had room for any questions, he kisses her. With teeth, and tongue, and impatience - but still gentle. She eases her mouth open and with each kiss he takes up as much space as he likes. She lets him, fisting the front of his shirt as he kisses her until her lips are swollen and stinging.

He holds her waist, looks at her with an almost animal expression but there's sincerity there too. It leaves her feeling small, but she does not want to be anywhere but there. Years of untapped longing spills from her whether or not she wants it too.

"Let me help you forget," his voice is gravelly, teeth grazing the skin of her neck "Just for a little while,"

She whimpered at the implication.

"Okay,"

And he does so easily. Clumsily, she allows Naruto Uzumaki to take her virginity in the cold night where he lights everything in her on fire. They were just two teenagers, anyway - every gesture and motion was new and unexplored. But, there was no one she trusted more. Something she'd never really forget. A memory she'd always hold close to her.

After that, everything changes again - maybe more permnanetly than before. She guess she couldn't expect anything less, but it still overwhelms. Naruto draws himself closer to her but out of instinct, she can only think to push him away. Each time it gets closer to a confession, she draws back as far as she can go. It's not like Naruto doesn't notice - it's hard to miss when the person by your side most just seems to be running away but it's all out of his control.

The two are dragged further apart before either of them can take hold of the situation. But time waits for precisely no one and as Naruto continues to stir up trouble. The world is in the process of crumbling and the oncoming war is almost a minor detail when thinking of all the things Naruto has brought on in the time he was back.

So when war happens, she's forced as far away as she has ever been from Naruto Uzumaki. A forced mission of diplomacy leaves her unable to occupy the spot next to him when it matters most. Maybe it was naive of her to think no one would take her place.

Now it was years later. She had not been back home to Konoha for years since the war happened and her correspondence to Naruto had been minimal to none. When she hears that he's supposed to come to finish the last of the agreements made between the two villages and potentially bring her home - she tries her best to remain entirely unaffected.

But, as always - Naruto has remarkable capabilities in taking her breath away.

"Hey there stranger,"

A terribly familiar voice appeared behind her, startling Amaya from where she was standing on the street corner. She was waiting for him but for him to be there, to be actually in front of her - is still too much for her to process. She turned around with wide eyes, before her feature settled into a grin. Naruto is mirroring her expression, holding his arms open wide for her to tumble into. It's nostalgic in its own right.

She laughs as she barrel forwards - the years have changed her once again, no longer teenagers but two supposed grown-ups. Naruto is taller, and broader - teeth just as sharp as she remembers them being. His arms still feel so much like home. Relief floods her body as she ends up in his arms - and her heart has a vice-like grip on her as she's reminded of her feelings.

When she pulls away, she gives him a cheeky grin. Naruto forces himself to swallow the urge to kiss her senseless when he sees her. The guilt is a powerful feeling, the guilt of knowing he has someone he's supposed to go home to but.. shouldn't that person be her too?

"Hey," she replied with shining eyes. Naruto can't help but laugh - she's not as timid as she used to be but she's grown even prettier than he could imagine.

"Seems like we've got a lot of catching up to do," he comments. Her eyes drift to his hands, taking note of the silver band on his ring finger. Her heart drops to her stomach as she nods, almost stiff among the realization. He knows she knows but chooses not to say anything at the moment. It's okay, right? If he plays pretend for a little while.

So, because he's playing pretend, he loops his arm with hers and gives her an almost somber smile. And she choose not to question it.

After a somewhat diplomatic meeting, Amaya and Naruto delve into their personal lives and everything she've missed after leaving home. Shikamaru and Temari have finally gotten together, Sasuke is still on redemption, and finally - Naruto is engaged and getting married to Hinata.

Ignoring the heartbreaking information first, what hurts more is how easy things between them still are. There are no awkward pauses in conversation or inability to speak to one another. Everything between her, even after all these years, is still so perfectly in place. Maybe love like this one that has been so built up over time, simply doesn't fade away overnight.

When the conversation ends, she suggests to Naruto to get drinks with her. The two of them had never drank together as adults (though they did once, as stupid teenagers) but it only feels right to celebrate his engagement. The telling look in his eyes when she suggest it makes everything in her ache.

And now she was drinking with Naruto in an empty bar corner. There aren't many patrons, and there are three bottles on the table that have damn well been emptied out. Naruto has a bright red flush under his eyes as he stares at her, blinking his lash and grinning. The conversation has fallen into a soft lull.

She takes a look at the glass in her hand, swirling the clear liquid around over and over and blowing air through her nose, amused. Naruto is drunker than she was but marginally not by much.

She doesn't know what makes her feel the urge to say the words. The mild buzz of the alcohol in her blood, the way her heart pulses each time their eyes meet, or maybe the way Naruto made her feel like nothing has changed. He doesn't love her anymore, and even more than that - maybe he never did. Either way the words tumble out of her mouth clumsily, with as much honesty as she can pour into them.

"You wanna know something?"

Naruto hums, taking a deep breath through his nose as he tries to steady his heartbeat. It's erratic every time his gaze falls on her.

"I had a crush on you when we were growing up,"

Everything stops. It feels like he can't breathe. She's not looking at him when she says it - talking like it's past tense. But she won't look up. She won't tell him straight so he asks.

"Had?"

It's quiet, biting her lip as she heaves. He knows when she lies, the way her hands pass over the same part of her neck. He knows everything about her.

"Have," she chokes out.

It's quiet. Quiet for a moment too long as the both of them take everything in.

"Me too,"

Her eyes widened in complete shock. The both of them take it all in for a moment. Naruto's expression falls, it's the saddest she's seen him since Jiraiya passed. She can see the war being waged in his expression, dark conflict that passes through his normally bright eyes before he settles on her.

"Why didn't you…? Before?," he asks. She gives him a half-hearted smile.

"I didn't wanna ruin our friendship but," she chuckles humorlessly "I guess it doesn't matter now does it?,"

Both of them just sit for a while afterwards. The night is coming to a close but both of them are glued to the position they're in, not looking at each other. Every what-if comes tumbling down, hitting them both at once. From where she's sitting - there's an open window with a view of the clear skies. The stars feel abnormally bright and she wonders if they'd always been over her this way.

The awful part is that they both knew how little it would change now. She would never beg for Naruto to be hers and he would never expect her too. Between the two, for better or for worse - nothing ever really changed. Everything is out in the open but it's just too little too late.

There isn't anything to say, so she swallows back any of her remorse and pain. She knock on wood to get his attention before giving him a small smile.

"You should head back soon, Naruto. It's late,"

Naruto looks at her. When she looks into his eyes, she's taken aback by what she sees. He looks like he's about to start crying and she wants to ask what's wrong but he's cutting her off even quicker.

"My hotel is actually kinda far away so," he swallows. He pockets the engagement ring, and tells himself that he's a little too sober to be considering what he's gonna do.

"Can I stay over?,"

She looked at him incredulously. He doesn't falter. She doesn't either.

"Sure," she says with a choked breath "Sure, you can stay over,"

Each breath feels like it's being pulled out of her as she unlocks the door of her apartment. So far everything has been completely silent. She did not ask about the wedding and he did not ask her about her feelings. It's tense enough that she could run her hands through the heaviness, tear it piece by piece. Her hands tremble as she unlocks the door.

She lets Naruto inside the door, undoing her heels and closing it before looking at him. She gave a shaky exhale - ready to offer him some water or maybe tell him he can take the bed. She wanted to pretend what's about to happen isn't about to happen but..

Naruto won't let her. Instead, as soon as the door closes, her back is pressed against it. Naruto is more experienced than the first time he ever did this with her, and it breaks her heart to know why but even those worries become background noise. Instead he suffocates her with his muscular and overwhelming presence.

He kisses her like she's going to disappear, in the same way he did before. That hasn't changed but this time his hands are confident in exploring her body - down her chest, underneath her skirt. He's committing every piece of her to memory - the curve of her body in his hands.

Amaya knows she should listen to the voice in her head that's screaming to put an end to this before she falls deeper in. She knows that she shouldn't do this to herself, and that she should put her hands on his chest and tell him he has a place to go home to. That it isn't too late to put an end to all things here and that she will never stop being his friend.

But, she didn't want to.

Instead when hot-tears escape her eyes and makes her kisses salty - each breath barely there. If Naruto Uzumaki is the ocean, she knows she would welcome salt-water in her lungs with open arms. Everything inside of her is singing, and burning - the boy who had been chasing the sun has now become it in her arms.

In the moment, with lowered inhibitions, heavy hearts, and burning desires - she was not Amaya, Naruto's star-crossed lover. And he is not Naruto Uzumaki, the boy who taught her to be brave.

They are just two people, desperately clawing at each other and trying to make up for lost time. No judgement. No pain. No remorse.

And Naruto makes the most of their time together, claiming her body on every surface of her house as if to leave himself on every part of her life with no regret. She can't help but wonder if it's his way of taking back everything he didn't get to have. She wondered if he knew that her heart would always be his. That they are lock and key and even if he goes home to someone else - he would always belong in her.

Every time Naruto gets close, he whispers the words I love you into the space between her chin and shoulder - kisses her collarbones as if to haunt her each time she takes her collar down for someone else. He leaves hickies in all the places no one will see. He has never been some secret but he fucks her like he's a violent whisper in the night - an unseen message of morning. And when exhaustion hits, his voice is no longer wild and free but somber. The sobering realization and heavy tears when he presses his forehead against hers and kisses her.

He tells her he loves her for every moment he wishes he could have and it still isn't enough.

When morning comes, and sobriety follows - they both sit on the opposite side of the bed. He puts on his clothes in silence, and she watches him in the same deafening breath.

"Hey Naruto," she says, voice hoarse from the long night. The shame is overwhelming enough that she's prolonging her stay as a diplomat. He didn't ask but he knew she was.

Because Naruto Uzumaki would always protect her, even if he's protecting her mostly from himself.

"Yeah?"

"I'll always be your best friend,"

"And I'll always be yours too,"

Naruto doesn't put his ring back on when he heads back home. She does not lock the door when he leaves. Maybe because they both know that they are constantly waiting.

Maybe because there is no end to either of them.