I WON'T GIVE UP

Chapter One

She hadn't really been thinking properly when she thought all of this actually had a chance of working. A relationship with an American was already frowned upon but being the daughter of the Director of Mossad made it near criminal. It hadn't been intentional, but she supposed love never was. Dr. Spencer Reid had been assigned to accompany an officer for a two-year term with the agreement that in exchange one of their officers would be allowed the same privilege. The pretense was to acquaint themselves with their allies, but Director David suspected it was more of a ploy to gather intelligence, one that he gladly went along with seeing as it was granting him access to the FBI.

Word of the Doctor quickly spread and by the time he arrived it was safe to say the welcome he received wasn't warm. He had strayed from the pencil pusher he had been assigned to, deciding it a waste of time and began wandering off on his own. From there he had been placed with four different officers, none of which kept very long. Eventually Director David gave the task of keeping him out of trouble to his daughter, the last officer having threatened bodily harm if he was stuck with the "intolerable child" another day.

Ziva herself was annoyed that she would be spending the next year and a half babysitting instead of on active missions where her time could be put to better use, but eventually the near constant lessons on just about any topic and the doe eyes that appeared when she snapped, not being able to take anymore, became endearing. They were something she looked forward to.

A few months after that found her not only accepting a very stuttered and stumbled upon dinner invitation but wondering why it had taken him so long. They shared many an evening and Ziva found herself sharing with him things she had long ago sworn would stay with her until the grave. Spencer too had confided in her many of his own secrets including the troubled childhood he was left to endure and that was when they realized that even though they came from different worlds they shared a mutual understanding. A connection of sorts.

Now she found herself in an almost eleven-month relationship that had to be hidden away and was surely doomed to fail, with a boyfriend that was constantly judged and always misunderstood, and the topper to the complete mess she had gotten herself into was that he would be returning to America in less than two weeks actually believing they could make a long-distance relationship last.

"Ziva?" She removed herself from her thoughts so she could focus her attention back on her father who had been going on about the mission she would join once they had rid themselves of the American. "Yes?" She questioned, not sure if it was supposed to be said as an actual question or in agreement.

"Marco will be joining you after he returns." Her father stood from his desk, walking around it before sitting back in front of Ziva. "You have not been listening."

"I am sorry." Ziva wasn't sure what else she could say, a lie wouldn't fool him at this point.

"If I cannot trust you to keep your concentration for this assignment." The rest need not be said, the threat was clear.

"I can assure you my attention is here with you as it has always been. Your trust in me has not been misplaced, I'll be ready come your orders." Ziva announced easily. She wanted to leave but knew she'd have to be dismissed.

"It is the American, yes?" He had been studying her carefully, trust was not taken lightly, especially not with an outsider so close.

"I do not understand this question." She had kept Spencer away from her father as much as possible. He still had eyes and ears just about everywhere, but it had been her job to distance him from any actual Mossad business, so their presence or lack thereof hadn't really been brought into question.

"You've picked up the habit of distancing your attention to avoid that infamous tongue of his. I have heard quite a few tales about the educational lessons he has been giving and I can't say I blame you." A wry laugh escaped his lips. "I am sure it has been a torturous struggle not to remove his tongue entirely, but I need to make sure you have regained your focus."

"It will return once the Doctor makes his return to America." Ziva had learned long ago how to read her father and now like any other time she would let him hear what he wanted.

"If you could convince him to start that journey just a little bit sooner." He smiled as he placed a kiss on her temple.

"I think I can find a way to persuade him." The smile she had put on was, if nothing else, predatory. She would indeed try to get Spencer to leave sooner but it wouldn't be because her father asked.

"We will continue tomorrow afternoon" and just like that she found herself dismissed.

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"Spencer?" She had gotten him an apartment farther from work and more importantly one that no one else knew about. The first one had been second rate trash in her opinion and was obviously the joke of some of her fellow officers.

"In the kitchen!" Came a distracted voice that made her smile despite the situation.

"What are you doing?" What had once been in the cupboards now littered the counters and table.

"I hadn't realized how much I've collected in the past two years and now that I'm going back, I don't know what I should do with it all." Spencer was studying the items that he had come to possess, most of them at Ziva's insistence.

"It is yours to do with as you wish." She shrugged as she leaned against the counter thinking of the best way to go about things.

"Ehh, I guess I'll leave most of it. Shipping the books alone is going to cost me a mini- fortune." Spencer stood in front of her with the comfort that had come from nearly a year's relationship but when he leaned in for a kiss he was met with a turn of the head. "Ziva?"

"We need to talk." She had watched him come out of his shell and now she was feeling worthless because surely what she said next would send him running right back into it.

"About?" Spencer sighed as he moved back. He knew she had gone to see her father and that always tended to bring trouble.

"Your return to America." Pushing her emotions to the side, she decided it best to just get to the point. "I do not think you should wait any longer to return. I've already arranged your flight for the day after tomorrow."

"Why? If Director David doesn't want me around any longer, I'll stop going, but I want to make the most of the two weeks we have left together Ziva." Her eyes had turned from caring to what he knew to be guarded and he didn't know why.

"It is what I want. I shouldn't have let things get this far, but now that you are going home, I think it'd be best that we end this."

"What did he say this time, Ziva? You know for a fact that you've become more of a home than any other I've had and the only time you question it is after he starts." Spencer moved closer only to be disappointed when she moved away again.

"It does not matter what he says, you are leaving, and I've already been re-assigned." Ziva sighed. She'd already had this discussion with him, but every time she tried convincing him why they were wrong he ended up convincing her why they were right.

"I've already told you that doesn't matter. We can write and I'll call. I'm not really liked at the FBI, as you can tell. That's probably why they put me in the only division where they can actually get rid of me, so I'm sure I can manage to get myself a week or two off to come visit." Spencer sat. He knew how Ziva felt about her space. He had learned the hard way not to crowd her.

"Our work isn't that simple. By next week I'll be in a new country and who knows where they'll send you. Letters will pile up in front of the door and phone calls will go unanswered. How can you possibly visit if neither of us know where I'll be?" Ziva sat next to him trying to explain why they wouldn't work. "There can't possibly be a relationship if there's no contact."

"You'll receive them eventually Ziva." He stood up, trying to let her know he was serious. "Even if it takes you months to send one back, I'll wait."

"Why? That is irrational."

"Love's irrational Ziva." They had refrained from saying as much but now seemed like a good time, even if it left him a bit vulnerable.

"I don't want a relationship that's non-existent. One that will always be hidden." This man was stubborn. Never had she met someone who had been told no so many times yet still would not accept it.

"So, stop hiding it. I never asked you too. I don't care what your father thinks about me. Your opinion's the only one that matters." The fights that began when her father was mentioned had caused his name to become all but forbidden outside of work.

"Are you even listening to yourself." She also stood, a humorless laugh leaving her lips. "His thoughts are not the problem. If he knew of this," she motioned between them. "I can guarantee, you would not be returning to America. Our worlds were never meant to blend, and it was foolish to think otherwise."

"Then come with me. If Quantico can't mix with Mossad, then why force it? You've told me yourself that you wish things had been different, that you would have never joined. Here's your chance to fix that, to get away. We can start over together." The pure anger in her eyes told him that had not been the right thing to say.

"You cannot abandon Mossad! My father will never let me go. He'll send someone after us. They'll do anything to bring me back!" Seeing that he was unfazed she continued. "They will kill you, Spencer! That is not a risk I am willing to take."

"We can get protection. I'll quit, move, switch names, anything you want Ziva. I have nothing else, you're it, and I'm not willing to give that up."

"That is the problem. I have dragged you into a mess that was never yours to be part of. I am not worth the sacrifices you are trying to make. A life on the run is no life at all and I won't allow you to waste yours." She had tried, but it was time to leave and so she headed to the door.

"I love you." It was the first time those three words left his mouth and though this wasn't an ideal way to tell her it looked to be his only chance.

"If I have led you on, I'm sorry, but I do not feel the same." They both knew it was a lie. If that was how she felt, she wouldn't have bothered with the apologies and explanations. If it was a fling, she wouldn't have opened up to him and it surely wouldn't have lasted this long. No. They both knew this was simply her way of attempting to cut any last ties. It didn't actually work, not that she thought it would, but she'd pretend like it had. At least until she was out of the apartment.

It hurt to hear her speak like that, but he didn't try to stop her as he followed her out to the porch. Instead, he promised, "I won't give up" as he sunk to the stoop and watched her go.