Author's note: Warning - Sexual content ahead.
"You can have my isolation
You can have the hate that it brings
You can have my absence of faith
You can have my everything"
- Nine Inch Nails
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If only you could see the look on your face.
You gape at me as if I had told you a terrible secret. A secret that could smite down great civilizations from a millennia over. What exactly did I just said? Did I just tell you to take your clothes off while we were fighting? I guess I did. I can feel my lips spreading into a smirk, and your eyebrows frown deeply at whatever it is I am trying to get at. Or what it is that I am planning to do.
You'll see.
You'll all see.
"What did you just said?"
I tilt my head at him flirtatiously, "I said to take your clothes off and hop on over to the bed, silly. I'm sure you're hearing me just fine."
He grunts and shakes his head at me, "I.. No. Soujiro, please.. this isn't funny."
I giggle, "Gosh, why would I be joking now?"
He suddenly snaps at me, surprising me at that moment, "Soujiro! Enough! We're talking here and you're over here thinking about sex! Be fucking for real!"
I blink my shock away and simply hums, "I am. I am being serious right now. Don't you want to at least want to find out why I told you to do that?"
He shakes his head, his eyes wide in disbelief over what he's hearing, "I don't want to have sex with you right now. I need to talk to you. About Kaoru. About you.. about us."
"Us?" I whisper vehemently, and his eyes softens to confusion as I can feel the heat rising in my face from anger, "Last time I checked.. I wasn't the one running around in secret with an ex!"
He scoffs quietly to himself, looking up at the ceiling in exasperation, "And I already told you, that nothing happened! All we did was walked around together, caught up on what's been happening in her life, and then.. took her for some ice cream. That's it. All she keeps bringing up is her new boyfriend and how happy he makes her feel. And you know what? I'm glad she moved on!"
"Yes," I nod, chuckling sadly, "You moved on. She moved on. Everyone moves on.. Except me."
"Soujiro," He starts in, taking a step closer to me so that our faces can be near each other again as he whispers softly, ".. I'm sorry. I should've at least contacted you before going after her. But I wasn't thinking straight.. seeing her really surprised me. Believe me, I.. I didn't know she'd be here tonight. I only wanted to know how she was doing as a friend.. nothing more."
I groaned, rolling my eyes in annoyance, "Yes, I know! I know you care for her as a friend! But can you at least care for me more as your boyfriend?"
He looks like he's about to retaliate, but then stops himself. He shuts his eyes and sighs, trying to control himself before he does or says something he will surely regret in the morning. I watch him, pondering on what he'll say next. After a moment of pause, he nods, opening his eyes to look at me again, "Fine.. You're right. I do love you and care for you way more than I do with her. What I've done was stupid and selfish and I.. I'm ready to step up for it."
I tilt my head again, my eyes drifting down towards his lips. He makes a quiet sound under his throat, confused at what I just did. Then my eyes softly lifts up to look at his left eye before my gaze floats to his other eye lewdly, biting my lower lip softly. His eyes widen at this sequence of my sneaky actions, and soon, he couldn't help himself but lean in to start kissing me. I moan, sliding my arms around her neck to bring him closer to me.
Yes.
That's it.
If you're ready to step up for me.. You know what you'll have to do to earn my trust back again.
I break away from the kiss, whispering against his lips, "Get in the bed. Now."
"And if I don't?" He challenges me with a whisper. My eyes tighten at him.
...
"Then we're through."
All sounds dissipate in the room. Nothing is heard for what feels like a century. Kenshin doesn't even move a single muscle as his eyes bore deeply into my eyes. He looks as every bit as shocked as you can imagine. What am I going to do to him? Am I going to punish him? Hurt him? Scheme against him somehow? But my eyes pleads with his beautiful eyes, and he takes a moment before he sighs in defeat, taking a step back to just look at me openly.
I look at him. He stares back at me.
None of us breaks under this pressure..
...
Finally, he casts his eyes on the floor and turns around to head over to the bed. I watch him as he hesitates before the bed before taking his clothes off, one by one. First his jacket, and then his shirt. He kicks off his shoes and tepidly peels off his socks along with them. The belt goes and so does his ripped jeans. Then he is finally down to his boxer shorts and I gulp, taking in this pleasurable view of his entire naked body that stands not too far away from me. He looks over his shoulder at me, his eyes almost begging me not to let him take his boxer shorts off, and for a moment, I almost felt sorry for him.
But I have to make him do it.
I have to.
He takes off his boxer shorts and gets on the bed, sitting on it with his legs curled under him and starts watching me. Ordinarily, a lot of guys in general would be red in the face from all of this. But strangely enough, he seems stoic and deadpan as he looks at me carefully, as if anticipating me springing into violent action. Oh, Kenshin. It's truly amazing that after all this time, I still can't wipe that expression off your face: a look of total distrust towards me.
Well, if that's how you want to play, then I'm game.
I place my hands on my collar where the first button is of my shirt, being careful as I unfasten it. Then I move on to the next button, and the next one. Once I'm near my sternum, though, I stop and hesitate. Kenshin's eyebrows frown in confusion as I stare at the space in front of me, suddenly wondering if maybe me 'punishing' him sexually is even enough. I did do something like this back in the hotel room when Kenshin helped me escape from my father's house, but this time, I don't think it is suffice.
What can I do?
How can I make this worse for him?
How can I benefit myself in a way that I know it will really drill the message into his head?
...
My hands go slowly limp, and I gulp. Without thinking, I place my hand in my pocket and fish out my smartphone. Not the backup phone that Kenshin gave me; the smartphone my dad gifted me at the beginning of this year. I look at it and see my reflection on the black screen. I blink at a small glint glaring at me, and I see, right on top of the screen, the tiny circular shape that could only be where the camera resides. My stomach flips and then it drops, and I can feel my blood running cold inside my veins, catching me by surprise.
Cameras have ruined my life. It was used as a tool to control me. It was utilized by people who wanted to destroy me from the inside out. I had to do terrible things with other people thanks to it, and it was used to keep my mouth shut.
It causes me unrelenting panic whenever I see it, especially in the context of a bedroom.
And I know better than to go near it when I'm near a naked guy.
...
But then..
My eyes flicker up to look at Kenshin, and his entire self stiffens over how I look, unsure if he should trust the expression on my face.
I know how to make him afraid of me for the rest of his life.
I turn the screen on and drag my finger on the upper right corner, where I can see buttons flying at the center before clicking on the camera. The screen shows the carpet below my feet, before I invert the camera so that I can see my face instead. I turn around and place the phone on a dresser where a large mirror is set behind it. Ignoring the pit inside my stomach, I hit the red recording button.
I hear a small pinging sound, signaling that it is now recording. I can see the beds behind me, including the one where a shocked looking Kenshin is now gaping at his own reflection on that screen. I ignore him and take a couple of steps back, so that the screen shows my entire body and Kenshin just a couple of steps right behind me. My knees nearly buckle at that last step backwards, but then I take a deep breath to calm myself down. It's now or never.
I gulp and clear my throat, my heart beating fast inside my chest.
"Good evening," I begin, my voice and demeanor polite as I was brought up to be for my entire life, "My name is Soujiro Seta, of the Seta Enterprise. I am the descendant of the famous Seta lineage that has brought to you my father, Tsukino Seta. You have probably seen commercials of our company over the years, including the ones playing internationally, as well as in here in this country. We at the Seta Enterprise take great pleasure in taking care of all the companies that come to us for business related troubles, and as son of the current head, I hope that one day the enterprise will continue to be a legacy that Japan knows and loves for all of these years."
Kenshin is blinking rapidly at my back, his eyes flying between where my phone is sitting at as well as the back of my head.
I continue, "I am eighteen years old. I go to Kyoto High, where I am one of the top students there. When I graduate from university several years from now, I am supposed to take over my father's position and lead the enterprise on the high road to success. It's always what I've been raised to look forward to, and I never had any reason to fight against it.. until now."
Kenshin grunts as I turn my head to look over him from my shoulder, smiling at him, "Around a year ago.. I found a profile picture of this boy you see sitting on this bed. I was blown away by what I saw that day, and knew I had to meet him. You might find him familiar. His name is Kenshin Himura."
He gasps quietly as I turn back around to face the camera, "I guess, maybe now you're wondering what the point of this video is. I'm more than happy to show you right now. I'm going to take off my clothes, and then I will have sex with the guy behind me. Because the truth of the matter is.. I'm gay, and I never wanted to work for the enterprise."
"Soujiro!" I finally hear Kenshin interject, "What are you.. what is this..?!"
I don't respond to him, still facing the camera with a ready smile, "Please, ignore him. He's just feeling nervous!"
Kenshin sounds like he's writhing in embarrassment from behind me. I ignore him and continue to talk, taking my clothes off with one article at a time, "I'm going to show you why I will never belong in this society. And when I'm through with this guy behind me.. he's going to also never belong anywhere, anymore. He will be an outsider.. just like me."
I am finally in the nude and beam at the camera once more before I turn around and face a red-faced Kenshin gaping at me in shock. Ah, there it is; his emotions are coming back to life. I figured he was always the nonchalant type before I came into his world. It's too bad that there will always be something about me that will always rouse him into feeling deep emotions. I like that. I like that about us. I like that I can make him feel.
Just like he can make me turn off my emotions at a moment's notice.
We complete each other.
I walk towards the bed and climb on it, prompting Kenshin to try to get away from me awkwardly, "Sou.. jiro.. No.."
I shake my head at him with a smile on my face, "Don't. They're watching us."
Kenshin grunts uncomfortably as his eyes keep flying from the camera to back to my face, leaning on his elbows as I climb towards him on the bed. His eyes are silently pleading me to just end this already, to turn off the camera. But my smile tells him that I will do no such thing. He's mine and he knows it. As I finally reach to him, I nearly climb over him and sit on his lap, wrapping my slender legs around his hips and feeling our dicks meeting each other.
Had it been my imagination, or maybe I can already feel him hardening despite the embarrassment of being recorded like this right now. Either way, I let it happen as I once again wrap my arms around his neck and bring him closer to me, so that I can start kissing him. He mewls weakly against my lips, opting to shut his mouth tightly so that I am unable to slip my tongue inside of his mouth. His body doesn't yield to me and he doesn't sink into my embrace I have around his neck, and maybe it's just my intuition, but.. Somehow, I feel like he's too busy eyeing the camera to enjoy what's happening here with me.
I open my eyes and I see that I am right. His wide eyes are looking towards the side now, looking at my smartphone. I smirk, leaning back to mumble, "Nervous?"
He nearly flinches at my sudden question and his eyes fly back to my face now, a pale tint fading onto his face now, ".. I.."
I pout at him mockingly, leaning in to give him a quick peck on his cheek, "Don't worry. I've done this before. Just follow my lead."
"Soujiro.." He shakes his head, "I can't.. I can't do this.. We shouldn't be doing this.. I'm so sorry for what I did tonight, I—"
"—I know," I interrupt him with a sweet smile, "I forgive you. I will always forgive you. Because I'm in love with you."
He grunts, looking at the camera. I watch him with a sinister curiosity. He looks so nervous.
Maybe now you know how I feel about cameras on a deeper level.
I turn towards the camera, "I'm in love with this boy right here!"
I hear Kenshin turning his head back to face me, surprised by my declaration.
I continue, "You're about to see what our love really looks like behind closed doors. It's going to be great!"
Before Kenshin could react or say anything, I whip my face back to his again and lunge forward to start kissing him ferociously, my tongue jabbing into his mouth before he has the time to stop it. He starts to writhe and groan helplessly in confusion, grabbing a hold of my forearms to try to get me to slow down, to no avail. My tongue continues to wrestle with his own, letting my area of expertise do the talking here. Soon, he could no longer fight back against the pleasure he feels of me kissing him so deeply, and his body starts to relax. His hands that were wounded tightly around my forearms soon make their way around my waist, hugging me as he starts to kiss me back.
"Sou.." He whispers in pleasure as I lean back to start kissing his cheek and his jawline, making my way down on his neck as I can feel his cock hardening further.
"Hmm," I hum, licking his Adam's apple delectably, rousing Kenshin to twitch and groan at this, "You're already into this. I can feel it."
"Hah," He pants as I keep kissing and licking, traveling my way down to his chest and down his stomach, taking my time to nibble his skin here and there for added measure, "Soujiro.. fuck.."
I start to sink my teeth gently into his groin area, his inner thighs flinching every so often as I start to suckle and run my tongue against his flesh. His fingers run through my hair gently, and soon I couldn't help but bite down a giggle at the absurdity of it all. What are we doing! Speaking of which, what the fuck am I doing?! This video could easily destroy both of our lives if anyone got their hands on it. What I'm doing could also be used against me severely by my father if he ever happens upon this video we're making.
...
And yet.. that's precisely why it has to be done.
I lean on my elbows and my chin is near his cock. He tries to sit up but judging by the look of my eyes, he hesitates and just contends to lean back a little, just enough so that he can watch me. It's not like I'm in the mood to bite his dick off or anything, but I suppose a lot of people's intrusive thoughts have won from time to time enough to make him nervous. I smile at him flirtatiously, slipping my tongue out to show him how wet and completely drenched with my saliva it is. He gulps, his expression trying to fight between wanting to reject this, yet wanting it to continue at the same time.
I close my eyes and start to softly drag my tongue against the head of his cock, once again feeling his inner thighs that I'm sandwiched in between twitching. A shiver runs up my spine from that as I gently take a hold of his dick at the base with my hand, moving it towards my lips so that I can start probing the tip of my tongue inside his slit. Kenshin inhales and exhales shakily, his fingers curling into my hair all the while. I continue to nearly force the tip of my tongue inside the opening of his cock, a rush of goosebumps rising over my skin as I hear Kenshin moaning softly in the background.
If I was any other guy, I would have dumped him and even block him on my phone. Any other guy wouldn't stand by and take this shit. What Kenshin did with Kaoru tonight was enough to make me want to throw up from jealousy. I mean, taking her out for ice cream? That should be our thing. I've always wanted to enjoy an ice cream date with Kenshin, and now he goes and does it with her instead?
I open my eyes to watch him as he watches me back helplessly, trying his best to quiet down his ragged breathing.
Of course, I simply refuse to let Kenshin go.
I love him.
And I'm obsessed with showing him his place.
For the rest of his life, he will have to get used to being beneath me.
It turns me on to know I can always control him like this.
Soon my tongue stops trying to penetrate into his dick hole and instead start to slowly swirl around the sensitive head. Kenshin groans and nearly growls under his breath, his eyes flickering upwards in pleasure at this action. Another spark running up my spine, another burst of light inside my heart. I love him so much, it's insane. I start to wrap my lips over the head now, softly suckling on it just like I did to him at that dingy motel room not too long ago. Kenshin starts to bite down a whine and starts to squirm, prompting me to place my hands firmly on his hip bones to make sure he doesn't get away from me.
"Go-hd!" Kenshin whimper pathetically, "Sou, please! Can we.. can we please at least turn off the cam—"
I stop suckling and glower, "No! This is my hour!"
Kenshin gapes at me, stunned by my answer. I don't wait for any other reaction and get back to work on suckling the head of his cock, this time going harder than before. Kenshin's body flinches a couple of times and he tries his best to hide any sounds that tries to climb his way out of his mouth, but he sounds so pitiful, it almost makes me want to stop all of this.
But I won't.
Fuck him. Fuck Kaoru. Fuck the people that made my life at school a living hell. Fuck my rapists. Fuck Okita. Fuck everyone who has ever hurt me! If people hurt me out of some sick, twisted joy, then I deserve to have my revenge and hurt them all back. I deserve to make sure no one ever hurts me again!
Especially you, Kenshin Himura!
A very loud squelching is heard and Kenshin nearly digs his nails into my scalp now, sobbing quietly to himself as I am drowning the head with saliva and sucking the life out of it. I hope it doesn't hurt him as much as it pleases him, but maybe it will do him some good to experience both for now. I dial the hard sucking back and just run my tongue over his head now, saliva dripping over my chin and now down the rest of his shaft.
His hips buckle upwards absentmindedly, perhaps out of some feeble attempt to try to get me to start deep throating him. I simply ignore him and just start pumping his cock with my fingers still wrapped around its base, focusing on the head with more suckling and unrelenting tonguing. Kenshin sounds like he wants to cry at this point, and I can't tell if it's because this feels fucking incredible to him, or he's that afraid of my wrath over him now.
Maybe it's both.
Maybe that's what it is.
Maybe I don't care.
"Fucking asshole," I whisper vehemently at him before sitting up on my kneecaps completely, turning around to smile at the camera again, "To anyone who goes to school with us in Kyoto, this is exactly what Kenshin and I do after school. We might have swindled you into believing that we are just two close friends, but.. We actually just bang after we're through chatting with you in between classes."
"Sou.." Kenshin simply falls flat on his back completely as soon as I squeeze his dick threateningly, giving up on fighting me.
I giggle, "Now you're about to see what else I can do to his cock!"
I settle back down on my elbows in between his thighs and continue to torture him orally, this time licking and suckling on the sides of his cock as well as the head. I love sucking him off so much, I swear. Kenshin just lays there with an arm bent over his forehead, staring at the ceiling in a daze as he continues to silence himself as best he could despite me giving him this amazing blowjob. The squelching continues to penetrate the air, and I am completely drenching his cock with the most saliva I've ever produced in that area. It nearly looks white and frothy by the time I'm done with it.
"Sou.. stop.."
"Be quiet," My voice is cool and even toned as I now straddle his hips, his wet cock sliding in between my ass cheeks as I grab his shoulder blades to lift him up a bit, "Move so that your head hangs over the mattress. Now."
He grunts uneasily as he does as I say, scooching over with the help of his elbows so that his head can now hang over the side of the mattress and facing towards the camera. Once he does this, he lovingly rubs his hands on the slopes of my hips, mumbling, "Soujiro.. I love you.."
My heart pangs painfully at this. I know that what I'm doing is beyond insane at this point. I know that logically, I should stop this before we do things that we will regret someday. I could stop this and walk on over where my phone is at, stop the recording, delete the video off of my phone completely, and just make up with Kenshin.
...
But..
I grit my teeth, grunting.
I can't let this go.
I've already gone far enough. There's no turning back from this point on.
I relax my face and smile at the camera brightly, "Did you hear that? He loves me! Just as much as I love him! Now watch me destroy him!"
I place my feet on the mattress and lift my bottom up slightly so that I can grab a hold of his dick to try to aim it into my hole. Kenshin lifts his head to look at me wide-eyed, grabbing my hips to steady me as I feel his cock enter my hole slowly. I bite my lower lip and feel my eyebrows furrowing, shutting my eyes to ignore the strange stinging sensation inside my hole as I try to accept the girth of his cock now.
Huh. This is new. I almost never feel pain inside of me whenever we have sex. Why does it hurt now?
"Agh, Soujiro, wait!" Kenshin whispers, "You're not.. you're not relaxed yet, don't—!"
"Shut up!" I yell at him, getting myself half way on his cock before I cry out, "Ah!"
"Soujiro!"
"Be.. quiet.. I..!"
Kenshin finally sits up and takes my face in his hands, kissing my cheek, "Soujiro.. please.. stop this.. you're in pain.."
Fuck you!
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, FUCK YOU!
"Stop it, I can do it, I.." I lift myself weakly using his shoulder blades for support, my thighs suddenly trembling and not moving the way they're supposed to. Kenshin watches on, floored that I'm still attempting to keep this insanity going despite my body shutting down. I soon couldn't find the strength to lift myself all the way up and just slap my bottom onto his lap, hiding my eyes with my hand as a sob ripples through me.
I can't do it!
What is going on?!
What's wrong with me?!
"Soujiro.."
I start to cry, tears hot against my hand as I try to keep my distance from him.
"Sou.."
Stop it! Please, just stop loving me! You don't even know how to love me right!
I clearly don't make you happy and I never will!
I reveal my angry, wet tears at him and sob, "You still want to be with m—!"
He shuts me up with a kiss, as if trying to shut down any opportunity for a break up to occur. He keeps his hands tight around my wrists so that I don't lash out or try to hit him, and I writhe as he continues to keep his lips firm against my own.
Kenshin..
I feel hot and angry all over for a few moment. But then, it slowly delves into sweet bitterness as I allow my body to relax little by little. Sensing this, Kenshin wraps his arms around my body to bring me closer to him, and my heart continues to weaken out of love and relief that he still tries so hard, despite what I was going to do to him. Kenshin breaks the kiss and kisses the area right under my eye, trying to taste my tears in the hopes of taking the sadness away from me. My eyelashes flutter with a sigh, tears continuing to stream out from the corner of my eyes.
But my lover.. my endless heart.. continues to kiss the tears away.
Kenshin..
"Why do you love me..!" I sob, though the tears are drying up on my face and in my eyes.
"I don't know. I just do."
My eyes flutter open, taking their time to search for his and I have to fight against gasping all of a sudden; that expression on his face looks like someone who really is in love with me, in every sense of the word. Despite my darkness.. all of my terrible secrets.. and all of my flaws.. this guy still loves me more than anything in the world.
And here I was, about ready to ruin his life with an ugly video.
How could I do this to him?
My eyes float down to look at his chest, my cheeks reddening in embarrassment. But Kenshin doesn't mind as he leans in again to kiss my red cheek lovingly. My eyes close with a sigh, my hands lifting to touch the sides of his head lovingly and running my fingers through his scalp. He welcomes my touch, his kissing trailing down on my jawline and the side of my neck. I turn my face towards him and start to kiss his face, my heart melting at this reunion.
I know I said this before.. and I know I was serious when I did. But now, I know for a fact that this guy really was made for me.
"I love you.. I'm so sorry.." I whimper, nuzzling my face against his while he sighs happily.
"I love you too. I'm so sorry, too.."
We embrace each other for a few minutes, and I start to calm down. There is a numbness inside of me as I watch him carefully climb off the bed and head over to where my phone is, pressing the red button to stop the recording. He takes the phone and walks back over to where I am, his eyes more concerned about the state I'm in than what's on my phone now.
Never the less, he whispers, "Sou.. Can you please delete it?"
I look at him, not saying one word for a while.
His brows frown but he doesn't get mad, or yells at me, or anything of the sort. He simply takes one step closer and hands me the phone, watching me. I stare at him in silence, and then I sigh. I go through my videos and delete it, and Kenshin moves to my side so that he can look at the phone screen.
"Go through your trash bin and delete it there, too," He sounds frighteningly stern all of a sudden, "Now."
I gulp, my throat hurting from all the crying. I do what he says and he watches as I permanently delete all evidence of this crazy night. I switch off my phone and look up at the ceiling, sighing once more.
We're quiet for a few moments, before Kenshin starts in again, "Soujiro. I'm going to get you some help."
I look at him again, incredulously this time. Where did that come from?
"Help?" I chuckle, "I don't need help."
"You do. I can't stand you suffering like this anymore."
"I'm not.. suffering.."
"You are hurting so much, it's unbelievable. Your traumas are making you insane. Hiko and I can help."
I grit my teeth, looking elsewhere to avoid his eyes, "I don't need any—!"
I yelp as he takes a firm grasp of my face with his hands so that he can force me to look at him, his face taking on a rosy tint while his eyes are wide with rage. My heart drops into my stomach at this image as he yells, "I'm done playing around! You're going to get help and I'm going to help you feel better! Your dad doesn't get to ruin your happiness just because he's fucked in the head and you're too stupid to let it go!"
I gape at him numbly, my tears returning in my eyes. Kenshin.
He continues, "I'm not gonna give up on you, Soujiro. I love you even if you're an idiot and an asshole and a complete psycho! I'll love you no matter how much you try to push me away. I'll love you no matter what you try to throw at me. I'll love you until I can't breathe anymore."
"Kenshin.." I mewl, my hands reaching out to touch his face again. That beautiful, angelic face.
He exhales and his face starts to return to a normal color now, leaning in to kiss me on the lips innocently, "I love you. I can't live without you."
"Stop.." I shake my head, kissing his face once more, "Please. My heart can't take your kindness anymore.."
"I don't care. I love you."
We embrace for a very long time on that bed, ending the night with us just enjoying this warmth.
Kenshin..
I love you so much.
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"Ugh.. ahh.." I moan, clutching the bed sheets. We were done showering together in the hotel bathroom and now we're back on the bed, where Kenshin is digging his tongue inside of my hole. I am lying on my stomach and have one leg lifted against the mattress, allowing ample access for Kenshin to eat me out delightfully. I can't fucking believe he still wants to have sex with me after everything I've put him through.
I guess maybe its true and maybe I am meant to be his husband.
Because really, what the fuck is this?
I chuckle airily to myself, which catches his attention and he lifts his chin away from my nether regions now, "Soujiro? What's so funny?"
I shake my head, my smile still stuck on my face, "Nothing."
"Come on, tell me."
He runs his hand up my spine and I simply melt into that touch, my eyes rolling in the back of my head in pleasure. He grabs the base of my neck and I hear him scoff, "Jesus.. You're so hot.."
"Fuck..!" I groan, "Please, keep eating me out. It feels so good and your tongue is so amazing..!"
His grasp on the back of my neck tightens, "Not until you tell me what's making you laugh. Slut."
"Mmm," I moan, loving the way he talks dirty to me in bed, "I'm laughing because I can't believe you still want to fuck me after almost making a porno video of you."
I look at him in time as he shrugs, "Eh. You're crazy. I'm used to it."
I belt out laughing, "You know what, you're an asshole!"
He smirks, not responding. He just simply goes back to eating me out and giving me pleasure. I take my hand and gently lay it on the top of his head, pushing his face in deeper and lifting my ass up so that he can get in there as far in as he possibly can. He goes at it for a few minutes and when I reach a point where he knows I'm literally drooling over the sheets, sits up to start circling his fingertip around my hole.
"Haah!" I exhale, my face heating up at this touch.
"Shh.." He shushes me gently, and I can almost hear him smirking like a dick once more. I scoff to myself, trying to stay quiet now.
Soon he's fingering me with abandon, and I can only contend myself to just biting on my fist to quiet myself as he tries to find my prostate. As soon as he finds it, I bite my fist harder while arching my back in pleasure, grabbing the forearm of that same hand he's using to finger me with to help with increasing the pressure of it all. Kenshin then slants over my body, with his fingers still in my ass, to kiss my cheek with tenderness and sweetness.
He's so..
...
I can't live without you, either.
Minutes later, I'm on my side with one leg up with the help of his hand, and him also lying on his side right behind me to fuck me. He starts slow at first, letting me savor every inch of his cock without any rush. He keeps laughing at the way my eyes nearly cross themselves or the way I'm drooling from the side of my mouth from this, prompting me to try to hide my face from him. But of course, with his free hand, he grabs my jawline firmly to keep me looking ahead so that he can still enjoy the expressions on my face as he fucks me gently.
"You know what we should do when we're able to go back to our school?" Kenshin whispers huskily in my ear, sending an electric bolt up my spine as he does so, "I should stick something up your ass and then you have to walk around the entire day with it in."
I groan, "That's.. so impractical. What if I need to use the bathroom?"
He chuckles, "That's true. I could maybe cum in you and then you walk around with that in you all day, too."
I shake my head, "You're a perv.."
He gnaws at the side of my neck, picking up the pace with his hip thrusting into me. I gasp and groan helplessly as the sound of skin slapping against skin is heard in the entire room.
"Will you do it?"
I gulp, "Y-yeah. I will."
"God, you're such a whore. My whore."
I arch my back, inviting him to start playing with one of my nipples, "Fucking hell, Shinta..!"
He moans in my ear, "I love it when you call me by my real name.."
I turn my face towards his and we kiss, enjoying the way he's ravaging my hole with his cock repeatedly. It didn't take long before we switch positions and are now doing it in reverse cowboy; he is grabbing the back of my legs with his hands to keep my legs elevated while pounding into me. Meanwhile, I'm arching my neck and back as I masturbate myself, moaning and nearly sobbing in pure bliss.
"Mmm, god, I love sitting on your cock..!" I whine wantonly, throwing my hips back so that I can fuck him back with my hole.
"Agh!" Kenshin hisses and tightens his hold of my legs, "Fuck, that feels so good..!"
"Oh, yeah?" I whisper seductively, continuing with throwing my hips back to please him and looking at him from over my shoulder flirtatiously.
"I love how you're.. touching yourself.." He moans, watching me masturbating myself harder and faster now.
"Yeah.."
"Fuck!" Kenshin nearly springs up as he finally cums inside of my ass, letting go of my legs so that he is grabbing my upper arms to support himself.
My eyes flicker upward at the sensation of his hot seed shooting inside of me, grabbing a hold of his thigh as I can feel myself getting near. He senses this and, still refusing to get his dick from out of my ass, slaps my hand that was on my cock away to do the dirty work for me. With his other hand, he takes my chin once more, forcing me to look at him.
"Look at me when you cum." His voice is so husky and hot, that soon I couldn't take it anymore.
"Kenshi—!" I cut myself short as I feel my body electrocuted by a bolt of pleasure through me, my cum shooting out and hitting it on my chest and parts of my face.
Kenshin laughs airily at all of this, kissing my cheek, "Fuck.. that was amazing.. that was so.. wait.. Soujiro?"
I tremble and cover my eyes with one of my hands, feeling myself flinch and I start to cry now. Kenshin doesn't say or do anything for a moment before he carefully unplugs himself from me and embraces me from behind, mumbling sweetly into my ear, "Baby? What's wrong? Why are you crying..?"
I shake my head, "I can't believe you love me.."
He kisses my cheek, "Why don't you believe me?"
"Because I'm not.. I'm not worth all of this effort!"
"Says who?"
"Says everyone!"
"Well, fuck everyone," Kenshin kisses my temple, trying to take my hand away from my eyes so that he can see my tearful gaze, "And they're wrong, anyways. What about you makes you so unlovable?"
"Just.. everything.."
"Name one thing."
I scoff, wiping the area under my eyes frustratingly, "I don't know! Just.. I'm just shitty, that's all!"
"That's not even a real reason."
I turn to him angrily, but then stop myself as he looks at me expressionless, which in turn makes me shy all of a sudden. I look down at myself, grunting. We sit there quietly for a moment, and Kenshin soon leans in to kiss the side of my nose before whispering, "You can't even give me a reason because there isn't any. You're just acting on your emotions. Emotions aren't reasons."
My lower lip trembles and he kisses it, prompting me to turn my head to him completely so that we can kiss properly. Oh, Kenshin. You really know how to calm me down, do you?
"How do you do it?" I whisper against his lips.
"Huh? Do what?"
"Just explain things perfectly."
He smirks, "I mean.. I can be an angry piece of shit, but even I know most things aren't worth an emotional reaction. And I find you trying to find a reason to say that you're unlovable as pretty illogical and.. well, to be blunt, pretty fucking stupid. I'm sorry."
I giggle, "Wow. I still have to teach you some manners, don't I?"
"I love you."
I sigh, kissing his bottom lip, "I love you way more."
"Impossible.."
"Oh yeah? Wanna fight about it?"
We had sex for the second time tonight before falling asleep together happily.
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When the morning sun rises, Kenshin and I checked out of the hotel and were relieved to see that it is with a different receptionist than the one we saw last night. I'd hate to think that she'd see us coming back down wearing the same clothes from last night, putting two and two together, and probably out us on social media. We then take a cab ride home together. We arrive nearly around ten in the morning back at Hiko's place, and when we both came in together, Hiko is enjoying a cup of coffee while watching television in the living room.
"Ah, you're back!" Hiko gives his friendly salutation by raising his mug at us, "How were the sleepovers?"
Shit. It's too embarrassing to let him know that I had a big fight with his son and stormed off in a hotel room somewhere. Before I could open my mouth to speak, Kenshin cuts in with a chirp, "It went great! Yahiko's mom actually asked about you and wondered how you've been."
I look at Kenshin with surprise. You really know how to lie a lot, do you?
Ugh.
Well, I guess it can't be helped. I taught him how to lie and play things down for the both of us.
Hiko laughs, "Oh! I've been well, give her my wishes for me when you see her again. Did you guys ate breakfast yet?"
"Actually, no," Kenshin shrugs with a sheepish smile, "Is there any food around here?"
Hiko scoffs with a well meaning smile, "You goof. I can make you both something if you're willing to wait for a little while."
"We don't mind!" I finally beam happily, "Is there more coffee? I sorta stayed up too late at my friend's place and I'm feeling off right about now."
If Kenshin has to lie for us, then I can do the same for him.
Relationships are about sacrifices.
"Sure thing!" Hiko responds happily. And I guess maybe he seems a bit too happy for Kenshin's taste, because all of a sudden, the redhead looks at him with some offense in his eyes.
"What're you so happy about, anyway?" Kenshin's eyes tighten.
I chuckle nervously, "Geez, Kenshin, is he not allowed to have a happy morning or something?"
Hiko scratches the back of his neck with a one shoulder shrug, "Ah, it's nothing, it's nothing. I just had dinner with someone last night and we had a nice time, that's all."
We are beyond floored hearing this. Kenshin and I gape at him in shock before the redhead belts out, "You're dating?!"
Hiko laughs, "If that's what you want to call it, yes!"
"Who is it?" I implore, feeling my face breaking out into a smile.
"Bro!" Kenshin snaps at me, making me flinch, "Stop encouraging him! It's weird!"
"What?" I look at him in disbelief, "He has a right to see people, you know. He doesn't need your permission."
"Alright, alright," Hiko grunts as he gets up carefully from the couch, "If you must know, it's with a really lovely woman. She's about my age, so it's nothing to fret over, really!"
"I think it's wonderful," I sigh, "It's never too late to find love if it's true."
"Yap yap yap," Kenshin drones mockingly, using his hand to form a duck's head and separating his fingers from his thumb repeatedly, "I'm still weirded out."
"Ah, you mean you're jealous because someone else is getting my attention instead of me focusing on you," Hiko rolls his eyes at him before walking off into the kitchen, "Figures."
"Hey!" Kenshin gripes, and I couldn't help but giggle.
"Come on, Shinta," I take his arm with my own, "Let's go get coffee and calm down."
"Pfeh!" He scoffs, but luckily starts walking with me into the kitchen to get our stuff.
"By the way," Hiko clears his throat as he places a pan on the stove top and turns on the rice maker machine nearby, "I've been meaning to call you earlier with the news, but I was afraid that the two of you slept in. I have found something regarding Soujiro's mother."
We both freeze where we stand. Kenshin looks at me in concern, and I look back with the same energy. Finally, Kenshin looks back at Hiko and asks, "Yeah?"
Hiko turns around to face me completely and nods, "We have a name. Ōmime Kimiko. We also have her whereabouts."
"Kimiko..?" I shake my head with a confused frown, "That's.. a surname I've never heard of before. Or maybe I just can't remember?"
"Didn't her maiden name used to be something else?" Kenshin's eyebrow shoots up questionably.
"Yeah. Nishimoto, remember?"
"It's possible that she obtained a surname through someone else in the family," Hiko nods, "Or she picked and chose something random to keep your father off her back."
"That's true," I nod, gulping, "I just.. I can't believe.. you found her.."
"You okay, Soujiro?" Kenshin lays a hand on my shoulder to comfort me.
"Y-yeah. I just.. need to sit down."
"Sit at the table and I'll get your coffee for you. I have some questions to ask if that's okay." Hiko goes over to the coffee machine to grab the glass carafe where there's still fresh hot black coffee in it to pour some in a cup.
Kenshin helps me walk over to the table and sit me down on the chair before he takes a step back, looking at me worryingly. I look up at him. This guy truly is my future husband. I'm so lucky to have him. I smile at him, as if telling him to please calm down and that everything will be okay. He deflates sightly with a sigh, finally calming down.
Good boy.
"Now," Hiko sets the cup of coffee next to me on the table, "Soujiro, now that I've found your mother.. Where do we go from here? Are you interested in seeing her? Are you prepared that your mother might've changed dramatically since you've last seen her?"
My eyes waver as I look up at Hiko, curling my hands over my lap absentmindedly. That's right. Mother might not be the same person I'm used to since I was a little boy. Would she even be able to recognize me? Would she recognize me and then tell me to go away since I bear the resemblance of the man who's tortured her to hell and back? Or the fact that I would remind her so much of the life she left behind, a life full of lies and dark secrets?
...
Would she look into my eyes, and immediately know that I am not like most other young men?
Would she know somehow that I was born all wrong?
Would she know and.. therefore, reject me?
I don't know if my heart could take it.
"I.." I hesitate, my eyes lowering to the floor, "I don't know what I want to do."
Hiko nods, "Hmm. It is a lot to take in, I'd imagine."
Kenshin sits down on a chair nearby me and places his hand on my knee, "It's fine if you don't want to go see her. Maybe it's better this way."
Hmph. I guess maybe I'm still sore from last night, because all of a sudden, I feel a flair of anger rising inside of me. I purse my lips and look at Kenshin in keen silence, taking him by surprise. He slowly takes his hand off of my knee, taking his time with retrieving his own hand back on his own lap as he watches me in confusion. If I want to go see my mother or not, that would be my right.
But I have a funny feeling that Kenshin would rather me just forget that I even belong to my mother or father.
He'd rather have all of my attention, all of my devotion, all of my everything, all for his own liking.
While he gets to sneak around my back.
No. Fuck that. Fuck all of that.
I close my eyes, eyebrows furrowing to express haughtiness, "You know something? I think I will go see her after all."
Kenshin grunts, looking either surprised or unhappy by this. I couldn't tell, and honestly, I don't really care.
I'm still fucking pissed off about what he did with Kaoru last night.
"Well!" Hiko laughs, "I'm glad my detective work is to your satisfaction! I'll be making the breakfast for you two now, but let me know how you'll go about meeting this woman."
"I will," I bow to him from where I sit, "Thank you so much, sir. I really appreciate your help."
Kenshin still doesn't say anything, and I take my cup of coffee to head towards the staircase so that I can go into my bedroom.
Funny enough.. Kenshin doesn't follow me.
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I finish what's left of my coffee while going through Facebook. I checked for the name Ōmime Kimiko on there, but it only brought up around a couple of dozen profiles of women who seriously do not look like my mother at all. My mother had a distinct beauty, in which I inherit her blessed features, such as perfectly pale skin with bright blue eyes against dark hair. None of these women possessed these same features, and none of them are the same age that she would be right about now.
I sigh, giving up on this useless search. Mother wouldn't be stupid enough to use this name for a social media website of all places, anyway; she'd knew Father would throw a fit, so she probably went dark on the internet ever since she left him. She probably never even liked being on the computer or on a smartphone to begin with anyway, since she'd rather talk and spend time with people face to face.
Mother..
I close my eyes, trying to remember her. But I just can't seem to do it. I can only remember her for her looks and maybe the way her voice sounded when she spoke kindly to me. But that's pretty much it. I wonder if maybe remembering her is just something my brain refuses to do on account of it being too painful.
Suddenly, my phone starts to vibrate in my jean pocket. I blink, fishing it out to see that its someone I never would have thought would reach out to me after all that's happened:
Asahi Kubota.
I accept the call and place the phone near my ear, "Hello? Asahi?"
Silence.
"Hey," She sounds so small and so relieved to hear my voice, "Soujiro. I wanted to check in with you to see if you were doing alright."
My eyes widen and I grunt. This is new. I didn't think she'd care so much over the guy she's forced to marry against her will. I guess maybe the truth can sometimes be stranger than fiction.
"Oh!" I smile, "I'm doing fine, actually. Thanks for asking! How are things on your end, Asahi?"
She sighs, "Well.. It's not going too well, truth be told."
"Oh? What's wrong?"
Silence.
"My girlfriend broke up with me."
A startled sound escape my lips, and I clumsily get up from my chair, "What? How? What happened?!"
I can hear her wrestle with the strength to keep things cool and unemotional, but I can tell that she wishes to cry at this point, "Well.. I guess she's just tired of being my dirty little secret."
My eyes suddenly feels hot and I opt to shut them. No. Not now. Not while a friend is on the other line and needs me to be strong.
"Asahi.. I'm so sorry.. How did it go?"
She sniffles, but quickly speaks so that I don't get any idea that she's crying pathetically over the phone with me, "She came over to my place over the weekend. Played the "we are just friends" to everyone around us, as we have done for the year we've spent together in this relationship. She realized that she was going to lose me to you, and at first, she kept it in stride. I really thought she'd somehow make it work in her mind that I wasn't doing this to hurt her or to spite her. And yet.."
My heart quickens, the grip on my phone tightening for some reason.
".. And yet.. I don't know. It's so weird. I would never expect that she had it in her to just break up with me like that. She is gay just like I am, and just like you are. She knows more than anyone else what it's like to be a lesbian. And yet, I guess she realizes that living a lie just wasn't cutting it for her anymore."
"Asahi.."
"But what really kills me," Her voice quivers and I can feel myself nearly breaking myself just by hearing the brokenness inside her soul, "Is that.. I can't do anything, except let her go. Because she's right. I was a coward. I am a coward. I would never let anyone at our school know about our relationship. She knew what she signed up for when she knew how powerful the Kubota family is. I thought she would love me enough to fight for me, to wait for me, to be with me, no matter what it takes.."
I slowly sit back down on my chair, feeling the weight of this situation over my head and shoulders now. I gaze at the floor ahead, completely speechless at just how eerily similar this story sounds to me. This is exactly how I behaved with Kenshin. Maybe this is exactly how I'm still acting like with him; scared and angry and wondering when he will leave me. So, I have to do what I must to either end it first, or push him away until he has no choice but to break up with me.
Asahi and I are ruled by fear instead of love.
"I'm really sorry to hear about this.. I can't imagine the pain you're in right now.." I quickly and stubbornly wipe something from my eye. No. This isn't right of me to make this about me.
She chuckles, in a tone insinuating that I'm too much of a stupid child to ever possibly understand what she's going through, but then she sighs and replies politely, "Thank you. Really."
"Is there anything I can do for you?"
"Hmm. Just a friend, really."
"Okay. Yeah! I can do that for you. No problem."
".. Soujiro?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you and Kenshin doing okay?"
I smile, exhaling, "Well, now that you mentioned it.. it looks like we are also hitting some trouble waters, too. Relationships are hard work, aren't they?"
"I guess so. But he's not mistreating you or anything bad, right?"
I sigh, ".. Wanna know something? He saw her again. His ex girlfriend, I mean. Just last night. I caught them."
"No!" She gasps, "What happened?"
I chuckle, "Nothing. Just that I was mad and tried to storm off, but he chased after me. Just like he always had. We went to a hotel room and I wanted to hurt him so badly.. but.."
She stays silent, waiting.
".. I couldn't do it, Asahi. I just couldn't do it. I had a breakdown, and he held me. And he comforted me. And he told me he loved me.."
She sighs, content with how this story is developing, "It sounds like he really loves you, Soujiro. I might've misjudged him after all."
My heart weakens and I can feel my lips trembling into a smile, "Y-yeah.. He does love me, doesn't he?"
"He does. And it's weird, but I was also jealous of a guy in my ex's life, too."
"Huh?" I blink, "What do you mean?"
She sighs, "Before she and I met, she got into a relationship with a guy friend that she's known for a while now. He always had feelings for her, and she always felt bad for him, deep down. And she really wanted to be normal, more than anything in the world. Her parents liked his parents, so it made sense. And so, they started going out. And it was fine, you know, despite her lack of attraction to him.. until she met me."
"I guess he never left the picture?"
"No. He stuck around even after she left him for me. I never did anything with her while they were together, but the sexual tension was much too large to ignore. She knew she had to do the right thing, and end things with him. It hurt all of us in different ways; he got hurt because he really liked my ex, and my ex felt hurt because she is reminded of the fact that she can never be normal. And then there's me, who is hurt in a way that makes me always wonder, what if I'm not enough for her? What if he was the ticket all along that could give her a life I can never do? He can give her babies if she wants to. I can't. When we're together in bed, I am reminded of that lack. Each and every time.."
"Asahi.." I shake my head, "We are more than enough. Believe me. I guess I'll never truly know why your ex would leave someone as amazing as you are, but maybe she just still hasn't come to terms with her sexuality. I get where she's coming from. I'm still struggling, too."
She chuckles airily, "You know.. it feels good to have someone to talk on the phone about this. I mean it."
"Anytime," I smile, "If you ever need to talk again.. I'm here for you."
"The same as well. Talk soon."
"Bye," I hear her hang up and I place my phone on my table, when I hear my door opening with a creak and see that Kenshin is now standing there, "Oh.. Kenshin.."
He blinks, but then tries to play it cool as he lifts one arm out to show me the USB stick in his hand, "Here. For you."
I grunt, getting up from the chair carefully to walk on over where he's standing at. He looks nervous and not at all happy that he has to give that piece of technology to me. But all the same, I appreciate the fact that he can handle this maturely. I look at the USB stick enclosed in his fingers, and I reach out with my own fingers to touch his gently. He blinks again, confused.
I close my eyes, silence taking over the room for a moment. I steady myself before I open my eyes and look deep into his, whispering, "Don't ever lie to me again."
His eyes waver, and he nods, ".. I won't. I promise."
I take the USB stick out of his hand and toss it on the bed near us, taking his face with my hands to kiss him. He moans softly, kissing me and embracing me.
Let this mark the new beginning of our relationship.