Disclaimer, as per protocol: I do not own Evangelion and I don't profit off this, yada yada.

My first attempt at writing a fanfiction, so please do comment your thoughts!

ahem thoughts in 1st person POV

'words unspoken'

"words spoken by someone"

"Nooooo! Don't come into me! DON'T LOOK INTO MY MIND!"

The command center was a flurry of activity, with shouts and status updates mixing together into an urgent yet orderly cacophony. In front of the bridge and the MAGI is the main monitor showing a red behemoth grasping its head heavily. The shrill screams coming over the comms is deafening, the pilot of Unit-02 in heavy distress and pain.

"Pilot's psychograph is at the critical point! Mental circuit is severely damaged!" Someone shouted over the open comm channel. The red behemoth was now hugging itself in agony amidst the rain.

If this keeps up, not only will Asuka lose her pilot status, she'll die out there! "Asuka, retreat!" Misato ordered, but only received stubborn denials from her amidst screams, possibly because she doesn't want to lose Unit-02. The positron rifle doesn't work since it is out of range… What can we do to kill the angel?

All the while, Shinji could only watch as Asuka had her mind destroyed, her sanity peeled away bit by bit, her desperate screams for the angel to stop its invasion stinging like needles in his heart. "Father, let me launch!" Shinji roared, screaming at the intercom, at the cold uncaring figure seated upon the throne overseeing the chaos.

However, the Commander did not provide a response; Hyuga did. "Shinji, Unit-01 is still frozen after the incident as the orders from Commander Ikari still stand." Hyuga, one of the bridge bunnies, informed him as he typed frantically on his console, trying to stop or slow down the angel's invasion into the screaming girl's mind. Nothing is working so far, however, and the girl's painful screams show no respite. "You are currently on standby."

"But… Asuka is…" Shinji trailed off. A pang of pain hit him in the heart again.Why did he even bother caring for Asuka? She berates him all day, orders him around, and treats him like he is a worthless little brat compared to the oh-so-brilliant Soryu Asuka Langley. He supposed he deserved such treatment, however. He really is nothing. He couldn't even help her when she was suffering at the hands of an angel.

Or could he?

Asuka was defeated, Rei was giving it her all, and I was just standing there, looking on… doing nothing… as Asuka has her Eva's arms cut off and her head sliced, as Rei rushed to intercept the angel with an N2 mine but was unable to halt the angel's advance. Shinji thought sadly as he recalled seeing Zeruel and the Evas battle from outside the shelter. Even if Shinji was stuck in Unit-01 for a month because of getting back into the Eva, he had done something – killed the angel and prevented an Impact, whether conscious or not – that helped the situation… He had helped.

As Shinji, stuffed into Unit-01 and scrambled to go out and fight, broke into the command room and came face to face with Zeruel, the angel, he had seen the command staff and Misato seconds away from being blasted to death by the angel. They were going to die, I couldn't let them be killed. I was the last defense of the bridge staff, of NERV. The responsibility weighed heavily on his shoulders every time he fought the angels, but never had it been so heavy before when he was fighting Zeruel. Why, he wondered? Was it because of the fact that Rei and Asuka had fallen in battle? Was it because he subconsciously realized he bore the weight of the entire world on him?

Shinji may had been too rushed with adrenaline during the fight with Zeruel to realize his thoughts, but being able to put his thoughts back then into place led him to a conclusion. Did I climb into the Eva because I didn't want them to come to harm, even if it promised pain to me? He doubted so, for the longest time he thought he didn't belong anywhere. Not the house he lived in after the Commander abandoned him, not here in this fortress city made to fight extraterrestrial beings, not here in a 50-meter tall destructive weapon.

His thoughts wandered to a small apartment, once filled with empty beer cans and takeout food when he arrived at Tokyo-3. A cheerful and friendly woman who teases him a lot, but at the same time the operations director who draws up plans to battle angels for him and his fellow pilots to follow. A penguin who somehow drinks beer and spooked him on his first day in Misato's apartment, one of his roommates.

A blue-haired, quiet girl who gazed out of the window every day in class; one of his fellow pilots, hurt and bandaged and nearly forced to pilot Unit-01 in her condition. A blue figure shielding him from a strong blast intent on taking his life; the same giant coming to his aid, lifting up the angelic cannonball together with Unit-02.

A red flame dancing in all her glory, always ahead of him and shining as bright as a candlelight amidst an outstretching plane of darkness. So full of vigor and determination. The (self-proclaimed, although Shinji would never see it to her face) best and most trained pilot out of the trio, with excellent skills in piloting Unit-02. She makes him ponder what he actually feels towards her, feeling confused and receiving mixed signals along the way. However vague that desire may be…

"Don't make me remember that! I want to forget those things! Don't dig them up from my mind!" Asuka's shrill screams were, alas, not enough to shake Shinji out of his self-induced stupor and stop hesitating fast enough, as Rei had already hurled the Lance of Longinus at Arael, destroying it.

"Target destroyed," Makoto reported in a clinical tone, not betraying any worry for the redheaded pilot. "The Lance of Longinus has reached escape velocity and is now moving into a lunar orbit."

The lance, once outside of Earth orbit, cannot be retrieved easily, the Commander and Vice-commander knew. Gendo, however, knew that the committee would see this as a rebellion against their scenario.

"SEELE won't stay quiet about this," Fuyutsuki intoned, actually fearful of what the old men would do in order to reach godhood and fulfill the Dead Sea Scrolls. "I know, Fuyutsuki." Gendo replied, feeling that the scenario is secured. We'll meet again soon, Yui.

So, that's the first chapter! Man, never thought writing one chapter as short as this could take a day.

Please let me know your thoughts or questions on this chapter (It's practically a re-narration of episode 22 but me trying to narrate Shinji's thoughts) and new chapter soon (hopefully since school's starting again)!

-Choc, the author who just started writing fanfictions