Disclaimer, as per usual: I do not own Evangelion, period.
Aand I finally got around to writing chapter 3 almost a week after chapter 2 was published. School hits like a truck, and I don't want to be isekai'd yet, or at least before I finish this fanfiction.
Looking forward to some plot changes. However, this fanfiction is still a (largely) work-in-progress. Most of the plot points are not clear, so I'd proabbly end up rewriting some of the previous chapters one day.
Alright, rambling's over, story starts.
thoughts ??? I wonder what this is "spoken words" 'emphasis/figure of speech'
To Misato Katsuragi, the Chief of Operations at NERV, the tense, deafening silence in the small department seemed to stretch infinitely.
She had just informed her ward of the Commander's orders to reactivate Unit-01 and take it out of freeze. Honestly, Misato thought he would have been at least receptive to the news, but the boy's current reaction told her that he was anything but happy.
"So now after Asuka gets hurt... the Commander decides to unfreeze Unit-01?" Shinji whispered almsot inadudibly, disbelief and the slightest hint of anger showing on his face. He had thought his Father couldn't have gotten lower than putting one of his best friends -- Toji, Shinji thought with a loud pang of guilt -- into an Eva unit, an infected one no less, but the man known as the Commander continued to prove his hopes wrong and misplaced.
Misato, despite deliberately avoiding the topic of Unit-03, sagged as she saw Shinji's traumatic reaction.To Shinji, the orders are making it seem like the Commander only let him be on active duty because Asuka was injured, Misato sullenly thought, gazing down at the conflicted face of Shinji. Please, Shinji, this is not your fault. Don't blame yourself.
He knows, he MUST have known that Unit-03 was infected by an angel. Even if he didn't, he must have gotten Toji to pilot to threaten me... manipulate me. Shinji deduced with his barely calm mind. Does he even care? A mental shake of his head confirmed his opinions to himself. No, he doesn't. He never has. Who am I deluding by trying to pilot and 'win' his affection and attention? "I get it, Misato-san. He... doesn't care. He never will. The Commander won't ever see me as his son, only as the Third Children, a tool to be used." Shinji stated blandly, his eyes betraying hints of anger at the cold old man.
Misato supressed a shudder at Shinji's tone, alarmingly similar to his Father's disspationate one, but Shinji's has a hint of anger. 'Like Father Like Son'... no, it isn't true -- it can't be true. Smiling slightly at Shinji, Misato attempted to cool things down between them that has been dangerous since the time at the hospital, "I trust you, Shinji, to choose the best choice for yourself. And I just want to say... I'm proud of you," I have always been, "and you can talk to me about anything you feel bad or confused about."
Shinji was silent, dwelling on his guardian's warm words. Misato-san... she doesn't deserve my misplaced anger on the Commander. "I understand, Misato-san," He looked up to Misato, a small spark of light shining within his dark blue orbs, "I'm sorry, and... thank you. For being there for me." I shouldn't have gotten mad at her, who I really should be placing the blame on is the Commander. He is the one whp didn't want to risk Unit-01 over Asuka. Not me, Unit-01.
Seeing Shinji's expression and eyes convey an apology, Misato's face softened and felt relief at her ward not being that angry anymore. "You have nothing to apologise for to me, Shinji," Misato let a hint of maternal feelings enter her voice, "And before you think everything is over, no, it isn't." Again, mere words to get him to hope for the future... to get back into the giant cyborg. "You still have me and Rei, your friends, school, and the rest of NERV sans the Commander. Don't throw everything away," like you had done after the 4th angel, "... please." Don't leave me alone, not after we lost Asuka from our lives.
...but maybe Misato-san cared for me as well, not only the pilot of Unit-01. Misato-san knew what I was thinking and getting into. Shinji was both impressed and slightly spooked by Misato's keen observation of him. Maybe she cares. "... I'll try, Misato-san."
"Thank you for trying, Shinji." Misato spoke in an emotional tone, then turned to return to her room before Shinji let out a quiet "wait". Turning to face Misato, Shinji smiled slightly gathered his courage to tell his guardian of something he should have said long ago, "... thank you, for letting me try."
Misato's soft reciprocal smile only held kindness and encouragement, "Any time, Shinji."
The Commander of NERV is not known to be benevolent and caring. Gendo Ikari, however, is a dream-crazed man who neglected and abused his own son after his wife's disappearance, all for one final goal that would doom the world to its demise.
At this moment, however, Gendo Ikari let himself indulge in some personal affections, such as the tiny photo that held a sea of memories and obsessive feelings. The face of Yui Ikari stared back at him with a gentle smile planted on her face, warmth held in her eyes. That is the woman he love, that was the woman he lost over 10 years ago. He believed she was not lost forever, though. He had to.
Distant footsteps sounded, bringing the Commander back to the present. Commander Ikari pocketed the precious treasure he had to remember his wife by, not turning to look at the only one who can enter his office without knocking. "Professor Fuyutsuki."
"Ikari, the committee is enraged by the events not following the scenario entirely." Fuyutsuki told Gendo, one of his eyebrows raised questioningly, "Do you plan on parting ways with SEELE so early into the endgame?"
"No, the committee would continue to provide us the budget and resources we need to see the end to the Angel War. Only after all of the Adam's spawn are defeated will they turn against us." The Commander stated in his usual dispassionate tone, "NERV is the best way they have of defeating the Angels, after all."
"You seem to hold much confidence in our value, Ikari," Fuyutsuki cautioned his student turned superior and partner in reaching the goal. "We are ultimately expendable to the committee. Any more 'betrayals', and they will replace us."
The Commander turned to the old professor, letting his cold demeanour drop for a moment to emphasize his point. "We must continue forward." Gendo said to his Sensei, his orange glasses no longer reflecting the bright light, showing his determined, crazed eyes to the world. "For it is the only way we can meet her again."
He has been reminiscing more as of late, Fuyutsuki mused, is it due to us being so close to the End? Shortsightedness can cost us dearly, as did it cost the world half its the world's population 15 years ago. "Ikari, be careful. We cannot afford more mistakes."
"That we cannot, professor," Gendo's cavernous office gave no inclination to agree or disagree, "that we cannot."
After a few hours of sitting in LCL with a relatively empty mind, Shinji was walking to the changing rooms before spying Ayanami in the cages, having just exited Unit-00 after a sync test.
Quick footsteps sounded behind Rei Ayanami. The pilot of Unit-00 turned around to see the Third Children walking at a quick pace, albeit not running to not risk falling and injuring himself, towards her and seemingly wanting to strike up a conversation. "Ikari-kun," Ayanami started in her usual automatic tone, "Have you been well?"
Shinji let out a slight chuckle and looked to the ground, unable to look at her in the eyes. What happened with Asuka wasn't her fault. She did her best. I can't get mad at her. "School's just school, you know? The classroom isn't even half full now."
"Why do you still attend school, Ikari-kun?" Rei inquired, confused as to why an Eva pilot would wish to attend school in a situation where only two active pilots remained, "Remaining on base allows for a faster response to angel attacks."
Shinji didn't know what to say to that. Sure, he could drop out of school and stay in the Geofront, but that would be throwing his normal life away, wouldn't it? Did I even have one, in the first place? The dark thought came so abruptly that he forced himself to think about something else. Misato's words. I haven't lost 'everything'... it surely feels like I have. Asuka is in a coma, Rei is becoming more distant, Misato is buried in her work. What do I have left, anymore? "... being in the Geofront all day can get boring, you know?" I'm clinging to the last semblance of normalcy I have in my messed up life. "And Kensuke is still attending school. People still do." You're running away.
Shinji, deep in his thoughts, missed the slight frown Rei had on her face as she pondered what he might be feeling and what she sensed from him. Emotions are something of a rarity to Rei, but she sensed that Shinji is still conflicted over Asuka's incapacitation, and his inaction in the operation.
What can I do to help Ikari-kun? The thought surprised the normally unreactive blunette, why do I wish to help Ikari-kun? Flashbacks of him saving her from a heated entry plug after enduring burning pain and defending him, him trying to chat with her and get closer to her sealed heart, him being kind to everyone around him other than his father, even if the Second -- Asuka -- tried to push him away. Realization and acceptance settled in Rei's mind. She had to pull Shinji out of his sulking, if she wanted to help him for all he has done for her. "Ikari-kun, do you wish to avoid a situation similar to when Pilot Soryu was harmed?"
There was no surprise in Shinji's eyes, only contemplation and a increasingly budding anger. "I... don't want Asuka to be harmed," He slowly said, as if he was trying to stop a dam from bursting, "I couldn't do anything. Not because of Father putting a freeze on Unit-01, no," Shinji put up a hand to stop his fellow pilot from commenting, "Unit-01 has an S2 engine. I could have broken out and forcefully launched to help Asuka instead of sitting comfortably in my entry plug when listening to her screams." His hands flexed in an attempt to stop his accidental outburst of emotion. "No, I didn't do anything. I decided to not do anything."
Concerned, Rei attempted to calm Shinji down, recognising that his ire was aimed at himself, "Ikari-kun, even if you had launched back then, you would not have been able to kill Arael." Does Ikari-kun really hate himself that much? "It was my fault that I was too slow in retrieving the Lance. You should not be angered at your response to the situation as it is logical."
The small, humorless laugh Shinji gave only served to worry Rei more, "Ayanami, when Toji... was in Unit-03," a twinge of pain reminded him of his deep guilt at him failing his friend, "I also didn't do anything. Does that make his injuries a result of a 'logical' decision?" The dam burst open, unable to keep his flowing anger at himself at bay, "How many times that I couldn't, or didn't do anything, until I fail myself too?" Until I lose you too, Ayanami? "Or worse, when I tried and still failed? I-"
Shinji was interrupted by a gentle smile on Rei's face, the same she had when he pried Rei out of her entry plug all those Angels ago. "Ikari-kun... I trust you," She slowly said in a patient tone, freezing Shinji in place, "I trust you to not let me die. Just as you had trusted me to not let you die at Operation Yashima." 'You will not die. I will protect you.' "It is unadvisable to remain angered at oneself, as that would accomplish none but statis. Moving forward or backwards is better than not moving at all."
Rei turned and continued walking towards the changing rooms, leaving a shocked and guilt-ridden Shinji behind. "I will see you at school tomorrow, Ikari-kun," Rei said as a parting word.
The doors shut, bringing Shinji out of his trauma-induced inaction. "How can I protect anyone, if all I can do is mess up things?" Memories of a diassembled Unit-03, of an entry plug in his hand, of so many shrill fiery screams swam to the forefront of his mind. "How do I move forward!?"
On the bridge, atop one of the MAGI cores, the three bridge bunnies would usually engage in light-hearted conversations after they have finished their work for the day. These days, however, there was a sort of tense, awkward silence between them. The recent Angel attacks has truly shaken everyone to their cores, with the exceptions of maybe Doctor Akagi, Sub-commander Fuyutsuki and Commander Ikari.
Commander Ikari... he doesn't care for Shinji, does he? Maya thought with a hint of bitterness at her superior's indifference towards his son. He just sees Shinji as a tool to be used. He even discourages the staff from showing supportiveness to the Pilots! What kind of father.. no, what kind of man does that!? Her fists clenched tightly on her console.
"Maya-san, are you alright? You seem tense." The worried voice of one Makoto Hyuga spoke. Maya looked up from her console at Hyuga, his expression conveying clear worry for her, "you can talk to us about it, you know. The Angel battles are pretty taxing on the mind and soul."
"Got that right," Shigeru Aoba voiced his agreement from his workstation, "We have stressful jobs, Maya-san. Sharing our worries with each other like we used to before this helps."
"It's just... I was thinking about when Shinji-kun first arrived at the 3rd Angel's attack." Maya reluctantly said, looking down at her console at the thought of the poor traumatized boy, "Nobody should be forced by their own Father to pilot a destructive weapon in a near suicidal run. What happens after that? He was not given any recognition -- we are even forbidden from giving too many words of encouragement to the Children! They should be just children, not the Children."
Seeing Maya worry about the pilots, especially Shinji, Shigeru could emphasize with her feelings. Seeing the pilots go out there to face giant aliens alone is never, and never will be, easy. "I wish we could do more to help them," Shigeru started, pulling Maay out of her trance, "But all we can do from the bridge is to provide them with sufficient intel during battles, and do our jobs properly."
There has to be something we... I can do more to help the Children. Katsuragi-san really cares about them, and many people in the facilities share her sentiments. Makoto silently thought, feeling pity for the children, and anger towards the Commander. However, the Commander just has to forbid us from helping his son. It is as if he wants his son to break under the pressure.
Makoto turned away from his workstation and left his seat, catching the attention of his two fellow bridge bunnies. "I'll be back in a few, want to make a call to someone." Makoto called out behind him as he exited the bridge, maybe Katsuragi-san has a way she can help the Children, and she needs help.
A place where there is only boundless darkness, stretching out to every direction around the red-haired girl.
Curled in a foetal position, the girl hugged her legs for comfort from the nightmares of her past that she was trapped in. Her beautiful, usually fiery face now carried an expression of pain as she cradled herself to protect herself. From the unrelenting cold of the void, from her traumatic memories of a shattered childhood. From her own pain of a child who lost her mother and forced herself to act as an adult.
Slight bonds of white light surrounded her, as they seemingly seek to cocoon her and shield her from the world. But is that truly its objective? No one could tell.
Until now, when a slight streak of purple mixed in with the white threads that were woven loosely, flashing for but a slight moment.
I take back what I said at the start, school hits like a high-speed train on the tracks, and I'm strapped on its noose while it crashes into a wall of concrete. How did it take me 2 weeks to write 4k words, but more than 3 weeks to finish a 3k-word chapter? Ah well, school.
Chapter 3 is for introducing some elements that deviate *a lot* from Neon Genesis and Rebuilds. I can never cut my tendency of making the main characters... unique? Different? Without altering the original plot too much. No promises though, this whole thing is in a conceptual stage.
I really appreciate your reviews and likes! Glad to see that this story has some readers paying attention to it. :)
Until next time, and with hopes that the 'next time' isn't another month away!
-Choc