I've been on antidepressants for the past six months. I don't think they've done anything, so I stopped taking them a few weeks ago. No real changes. It was my twentieth birthday last month, and yesterday keeps dragging me down by the shoulders; it won't go away, no matter where I go or what I do. My tomorrow is the same as the yesterday I had three years ago. The evening glow casts its shadow, and that shadow follows you. It hides in the night, and it emerges again by dawn. It grows heavier and heavier as time goes on, and you feel its weight on your shoulders.

I think it might be fading away. That shadow of yesterday that binds me to this repeat of yesterday time and time again… I'm exiting the darkest hours. Dawn is coming. But I don't know if I'm just lying to myself again.

I've also been going to therapy twice a week. Not a lot gets accomplished, and I still lie about most things. My therapist is nice, though. I don't talk to her unless she talks to me, but she isn't as forceful as I assumed she'd be.

But something major happened today. I didn't see it coming. I never thought I'd live long enough or get to that point in my life.

Katsuki proposed to me.

He took me to my favorite soba restaurant, and he looked a little anxious. When we finished eating, he stood up from the table, and he told me there was something that had been on his mind for a while, and he asked if I would listen. I nodded, and Katsuki Bakugou lowered himself onto one knee for me. He smiled and opened up a small box to show me the ring he'd gotten me, and he asked if I would spend the rest of my life with him.

The people were enthralled. Most eyes were on us. Some of disgust. Some of awe. Some of surprise.

I smiled, but the thing is, I don't think it was completely forced. My chest felt soft. But it only lasted for a moment. Maybe it was just the shock of him proposing. I don't know. But I looked at Katsuki, and he was sweating bullets. He knows I have a lot of problems, and he knows I don't even have the capacity to love him, and yet, he still stood beneath me to stand over me and propose.

I said I'd like that. The smile on his face… He tried to hide it with a smirk, but his cheeks were pink like cherry blossoms. He hugged me, and I could feel his stifled gasps of relief. I was so focused on him that I hardly noticed everyone in the background. People were cheering, applauding, and expressing their disgust. I didn't care.

That moment was a very special one.

When Katsuki and I got back to our apartment, he asked me why I said yes, and that I didn't have to accept something as significant and defining as that until I was ready. I said that if there was anyone I wanted to spend my life with, it was him. That's not a lie. I can't imagine marrying anyone else. All this time, Katsuki has been with me through thick and thin. He loves me, despite everything that's wrong with me. He understands me more than anyone else, and he accepts me for who I am.

It just baffles me that he wants to marry someone that hasn't been able to stop cutting for years. Someone he thinks is severely depressed. Someone that's attempted suicide multiple times and still wants to die.

Is he going to be my reason to live, or am I too selfish and sick for even that?