Maya's eyes opened once more, and the terrible howling wind greeted her. She slowly pushed herself up, feeling the cold wind ripping over her body, worse now with all the injuries. A gasp left her as she felt all of the cris-crossing cuts across her back, especially from the time Death ripped down the middle of her spine with his scythe. She pushed herself back up to a kneeling position, the many gashes and laceration wounds could be seen over her stomach, chest and even her face. Many of her wounds still oozed though they held together despite their existence.

She lost track of how long she had been here, but she was getting better at staying away from Death… At least she thought so, but she was found quite quickly last time. Her existence was pain and torment, moving caused her pain, and to avoid more pain added to her already impressive collection, she would have to endure it and keep pushing.

"Alright," she said above a whisper, tracing a line down a scar that cut across her right breast. "Let's try this again…"

III: A Ghost of a Chance

Trudging through the forest, she stayed well under the canopy of trees. Having the movement advantage over her, Death liked to spot her position from the air. So long as she stayed under cover, she had a chance at avoiding him for longer. But for all she knew that was just part of his game. She was a being that was caught between life and death, trying to avoid notice in his territory. It wouldn't surprise her to know that he could find her whenever he wanted to, and simply choose randomly when to strike and end her attempts. It also disturbed her how every time she "died" she would just show up again in this world in a seemingly random place.

She knew weeks at least had past… and for the first time, her thoughts trailed back to her former home. She wondered again if they even mourned her passing. Did they hold a funeral?

"Sempai…" she whispered, though she barely even heard herself over the wind. Her eyes closed and for a moment she remembered Ritsuko's touch, and how she would still blush every time her sempai did. She remembered one of their last sessions. They both lay on their side facing each other, just far enough apart to see each other clearly. Ritsuko had her hand on her hip drawing it down her naked body almost as if petting her like a favorite cat.

"She certainly had me meowing that night…"

A sigh escaped. Sensations she had robbed herself of now that she was dead continued to haunt her. Part of her began to think her situation was hopeless… she would simply "die" over and over and over again until Death got what he wanted… her last breath… whatever that even meant, and she didn't even stand a ghost of a chance of defeating him at this game.

"No," she resolved. "I won't give in to despair… that's how I got myself into this situation in the first place. I've got to find a way to…"

"What… what the hell can I even do?"

A feeling akin to that thing that happens to your nerve endings when someone scraps their nails on a chalkboard shot though her as Death's laugh could be heard echoing over the forest. She learned several deaths ago that he uses this to flush her out. A small gasp escaped her but she hunkered down in the bushes and waited for the echo to fade away. If she were alive, she had no doubt her pee would be coating her inner thighs. It would be nearly an hour from her perspective before she was able to move again.

There was no day or night cycle in this world, just an endless gloom somewhere after twilight but before proper night fell. It was dark, grey, and dreary beyond any level a sane person could handle for long, and yet it felt to Maya that at least a month had passed. He had found her again about two days ago; the puncture wound in the lower left side of her abdomen was her grim souvenir of that experience.

It was one of the worst aspects of this place she realized. Every wound ever inflicted upon her by Death that resulted in her dying in this place remained with her as grim reminders of who was really in charge of this realm of madness. The pain, the trauma and the debilitation that came with so many of these wounds tugging on her skin as she moved, made each iteration of her afterlife more hellish than the last.

She was fairly convinced now that Death was simply toying with her, and that hiding was meaningless. He was always able to find her no matter where she was or how well she had hidden herself. She had already stopped caring about if she was exposed to the sky or not. If nothing mattered, she would simply go as far as she could until he decided it was time for her to die yet again.

Maya that day came across a small clearing in the forest. Having explored these woods well, she realized she was near but not too close to the house where she initially entered this realm of madness. And for the first time, she saw something that belonged to the world of the living.

They were transparent, almost shadowy but she could make out the shapes and instantly knew what they were… Her family. She picked out Rei and Asuka, two of the original EVA Pilots close to the center of this cluster. Others also were recognizable like Mari the Vampire though her image was notably darker than the others, as was Shinji's. Oddly Mayumi, a girl she barely knew also had a darker image here. There in the middle however was the one she was looking for.

"Sempai…"

It was difficult to make out details but her head was down and it seemed that they were all huddled around her in something of a group hug… Nearby she saw a simple stone pillar that appeared to be engraved. She approached it, looking at the engraving, and her heart fell though the floor…

IBUKI MAYA

BORN 11 JULY 1991

DIED 15 JUNE 2017

A LIGHT IN THE DARK, EXTINGUISHED TOO SOON

"This is… my funeral…"

Tears came unbidden, she dropped to her knees looking upon these shadows between the tears, and realized the truth. They did care about her… She wasn't ignored… she wasn't hated… she simply couldn't see it.

"I died… for nothing…" And that was even more depressing to her than anything she had experienced in her life. Her suicide should have been just her quietly stepping out of the picture, or maybe a last fuck you to those who hated her… but they didn't hate her… and they didn't see her as a burden.

"A light in the dark… Did they really see me like that?"

Her heart ached in ways no wound on her body could. The realization that she did matter to them made her feel a pain that no entity could inflict upon her.

"I'm so sorry, Sempai! I wish… I wish I could take it all back." She stood up, wiping the tears away. "I wish I wasn't so blind… I wish I knew then what I know now… that I was loved, valued…"

She walked forward with almost deliberate slowness, reaching towards the shadowy apparition that was her Sempai. Her hand reached her, and predictably, passed right through her. Her face frowned until she felt something… something warm, and she noted a green glow began to cover her hand.

"What's this?"

She kept it there a moment and the glow became a little stronger, and then she noticed it… Ritsuko's head moved a milliliter or so like it was starting to raise up, as if reacting to something. Feeling like she might be stealing something from her, she backed off instantly but noted the glow was still there, until she willing absorbed it. Inside she felt a little warmer than she did before.

"Where did this energy come from?" she thought. "Sempai? Is this her emotional energy, sorrow, love… something like that? Perhaps I can use this. One thing is for sure, somehow, I can reach into the land of the living."

And she knew given enough time, she would find a way to use this to her advantage. Hope had finally begun to win out over her crushing sorrow and despair.

Looking back into the crowd they had all moved a tiny little bit, likely reacting to Ritsuko herself.

"So, time passes faster here than in the real world. It feels like months since this torment started, but in reality, it has only been maybe a day or two max in the real world."

"I can use this…"

A day later from Maya's perspective found her at the site of the Librarian's house. Kodama's place she realized was nice, and she hadn't seen it until now. It was sad that the only capacity she would find it in was this entropic mess within the realm of the dead.

She wandered into the greenhouse area behind the home. Massive twisted trees grasped at the sky, arranged in rows with broken stone around them, and Maya knew this must have been quite the display in the real world. If she could ever find her way back to the land of the living in some capacity, she needed to see it herself.

A cold feeling came over her, and she knew Death was near. She turned around, wiping some of the oozing blood from one of her many wounds as he floated towards her, looking as dark and evil as ever.

"I am growing tired of this game," Death began. "You are no sport at all. I've killed you 23 times and yet you persist. You should just give up."

Maya considered him, noting he wasn't attacking yet. For the first time since this game got started so long ago, he was actually conversing with her. She looked down at herself, her wounds ached, blood trickled to the ground. She barely recognized herself in this condition, looking and feeling like something out of a horror movie. Giving up would be preferable to continuing this madness.

But then she thought back to the funeral, Ritsuko and the rest of the girls she came to know as family, albeit a pretty fucked up one when you thought about it. It was a strange situation to be sure, but they were together, they loved each other, and they all were willing to fight and bleed together to protect what they had. Somewhere inside of her she had that energy, what she chose to believe was part of her sempai's love for her, buried within her soul… proof that giving up was no longer an option for her.

"Give up?" Maya questioned. "I thought you enjoyed toying with me…"

"Pointless now, you are no match for my power and you never were. You are just a pathetic suicide case and you need to go to whatever hell awaits you."

So that was it… Maya had just realized why the game had lasted this long. It wasn't a matter of the energy that bound her to Shinji holding her between worlds, it never was. Death lied about that.

"I'm keeping me here."

"What are you-"

"That's why the game has gone on for so long. It isn't Shinji's claim over me, my soul has to be ready to leave before you can take my last breath."

"You have this twisted."

"Oh, I think not." Death appeared surprised at her sudden lack of fear. "This is your game, you started this… and I am going to finish it."

Death laughed; his voice echoed over the forest. "You must be joking. You have no power here… This is MY REALM! I've already won, all that is left is for you to concede."

"No."

Death growled. "How long do you plan to draw out this pointlessness?"

Maya stood tall, her arms at her sides and her fists clenched… her eyes filled with defiance and the shadow of a grin on her face. "As long as it takes," she declared. "I know how this game works now, and I know something that you knew from the start, and hoped I'd never figure out. That in the end, it doesn't matter how many times you win. I only need to win once. And I'll keep raging against fate until I do."

Death roared his displeasure and rushed her down, ending her life again in a single swipe of his scythe. Maya didn't even flinch this time.

Her eyes opened, staring at a familiar, if mostly destroyed ceiling.

"My old apartment… I didn't even know it was still here."

Back during the Angel Wars, Maya had an apartment on the edge of the city. Despite the angel attacks, and the N2 Mine that was dropped on Tokyo-3, it still existed.

"Brings back memories… I don't know how many times I tried to get Sempai to come out here… she never came though… Gendo occupied her entire free time."

That always pissed her off. She had heard a rumor from the older staff at NERV during the angel wars that not only was Gendo dating Ritsuko, but he had also dated Ritsuko's mother. Part of her wanted to puke at that revelation, knowing what the man was doing, and who it was to. Sempai deserved so much better. She deserved…

"Me."

She held her right hand up, the glow from Ritsuko returned to it, throwing light into this dank and destroyed room.

"This was her gift to me… her love… her light… whatever it is, and it will be the catalyst of my victory over Death itself."

As if knowing what to do on instinct, she slapped her open hand against her chest. From that spot a dark mass spread across her chest covering her. It crawled its way up her neck, ending at the base of her skull and below her jaw, and trailed down over her body, covering her lower torso but leaving her arms exposed like a one-piece swimsuit. Finger-less black gloves covered her hands and trailed up half way between her elbow and shoulder, and her legs became covered in thigh high black boots with flat soles. A cloth covering came over her trailing down her body, tight at the waist but flared out like a long skirt at the bottom, a pair of slits up the front allowed her legs to move without issue, but also revealed the thigh high nature of her boots. Long sleeves covered her arms and a hood, currently not worn appeared on the back. The green glow appeared again forming into an emerald locket shaped like an hourglass around her neck on a silver chain. As she looked upwards towards a hole in the ceiling, the wounds still visible on her exposed skin began to rapidly heal, she could feel the pain melting away as her body suddenly gained a renewed vigor.

She crouched and leapt straight up, flying through the hole in the roof, and gently touching down on the peek as a dark object in the distance began to rapidly approach her. With resolve on her face, she awaited his arrival.

"Now… let's see how this goes."

Death slowed down as he got closer. His head tilted to the side, appearing rather curious about this change in his prey.

"What have you done?"

"You know the problem with you is you don't understand humanity. And you know why?" Death tilted his head again, waiting for her answer. "Because you are a fucking parasite. You exist as a means to and end and nothing more. You can't evolve, you can't truly learn, you are a static being with no hope of redemption yourself... just part of a celestial process... a cog in the machine of existance."

"Is there a point to this, Ibuki, or are you just spouting nonsense?"

"The point, you worthless pile of bones, is that because you understand nothing, eventually you will lose…"

"Ha. I find that doubtful… Even if a mortal could defeat me, the last person on this whole fucking earth that would have the power to do it, would be Maya fucking Ibuki. You should bow down before me and beg me to end your pathetic existence."

"Maybe…" Maya slammed her hands together throwing them outwards. A long silvery staff formed before her, seeming to originate from where her hands met. She grabbed it and spin it around with speed and grace, whipped it back in two hands. When it stopped moving, a silvery scythe blade flashed into existence from the raised end. "But I'd rather make my stand. Now… let's see how this plays out."

With a roar Death rushed her, but it was an attack she'd seen many times before and managed to dodge it by back-flipping and allowing death to pass her. She swung back in a spin catching the blade of his scythe, but his strength far exceeded her own and she was thrown from the roof. Maya managed to get control over herself in the air and gently touch own, Death rushed her again and she evaded by rolling away. Immediately upon landing, she leapt forward in a diagonally positioned spin and brought her scythe down, barely catching Death in the arc.

He flew back, noting his shroud was torn at the impact point. "So, all those times I killed you, you were learning my attack angles."

"I used to be a 'bridge bunny' at NERV during the angel wars. Paying attention to patterns and recognizing changes as they occurred was a necessary skill in that job. If I hadn't learned your patterns by now, I would have considered myself a failure of the highest degree."

"Cute… but I hope you don't think that was where all of my skills come from. Since you seem to like learning so much, I think it's time I took you to school." He let go of his scythe and it floated nearby, then he raised his hands forming dark clouds overhead. Maya noted the electrical build up immediately and dodged at the last minute as columns of lightning rained down. She heard something cutting the air behind her and dodged as a sickle blade spun past her, followed my more. Multiple blades seem to form in midair around her and flew at her. She dodged some, and slashed at other with her scythe, managing to destroy them.

Death grabbed his scythe and threw it at her. She barely managed to dodge it, but wasn't expecting it to shatter into a swarm of sickles on impact, several of the blades managed to lacerate her as they passed, though she did avoid losing anything important. All that time spent taking injuries allowed Maya to acknowledge the pain rather than feel it.

She was then slammed into by Death who tried to follow up with a strike from a newly summoned scythe to finish her, but Maya had already increased her backwards velocity to avoid the attack, then rushed in after his swing to slash at Death herself, catching him in the chest. Maya noted green energy leaking out of him when she did this.

He fell back briefly and growled in annoyance before unleashing a point-blank electrical blast blew her back and hurt a lot, throwing her into a tree. Dropping to dodge the follow up Scythe strike, Maya flew from him staying close to the ground as did so. Blasts of red lightning flew from Death's skeletal hands and slammed the ground around her, exploding into bursts of electrical energy that stung from even their proximal effects. As she flew deeper into the woods, Death in his frustration threw his scythe again and Maya waited a moment too long to dodge, taking a slash across her face but managed to find cover when the scythe exploded into sickle blades, many of which cut through nearby trees.

Death quickly formed another one and threw it at her location, causing it to shatter before it hit the canopy into a shotgun blast of sickles. Trees in a wide radius were suddenly shredded leaving no where to hide and no hope of escape. Expecting to see a body, the last of the leaves fell revealing nothing. Seeing this, he roared in rage and threw out his senses trying to locate her, and then realizing another change in his quarry…

"She can hide from me now… what has she done? When I find that bitch, I will tear her soul to fucking pieces."

Maya just outside the blast radius heard another cry of frustration from Death as he flew off to try to locate her without being able to sense her location.

"That was close, but I learned a little more… of course Death would have magic on his side." She sighed, going a different direction from where Death was heading, and feeling her few wounds knitting closed. "Death had green energy leaking from his ribcage. I received green energy from Ritsuko… I wonder if there is a connection…"

Without access to a library, she'd have to determine that by herself the hard way. She only hoped she could find that solution in time…

I look inside myself and see my heart is painted black,

I see my red door, I must have it painted black

Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts,

It's not easy facin' up when your whole world is black

"I've gained some small measure of power now in this death world, but it isn't enough to defeat him. I have to find more… but how?"

Next Chapter: Memento Mori