Trudging back through the gully where her tadpole had woken & shared things it never should have, Belle resolutely looked anywhere but where the others were in front of her. More specifically, she avoided the bobbing silver cloud of hair toward the front of the party. Every time she caught sight of him, those images cascaded back down through her mind's eye. She didn't think she'd be able to eat now for the foreseeable future.
They ended up having to scale the other side; it was too sheer for them to find anywhere to scramble out safely. Low & behold, that's where the ropes came in handy. She almost smiled, wondering why'd they'd provided ropes for you to find in game but not having any use for them. Brian also came in handy, being the one at the top of the gully to haul everyone up, one by one.
"Uh, thanks," she told him, peering all the way up into his crimson eyes. She expected a flash of dark, murderous intent. Instead, she got a quick, bright flash of gratitude.
"You're welcome" he replied, his oddly cultured voice in stark contrast to his dragonish features & what she knew lie within him. His lips curled slightly in a little smile. Alriiiighty, then. Nodding at him, she fell to the back of the queue as they resumed walking, heading right.
The day had broken out hot & clear, a warm, intermittent breeze kicking up & covering them in a fine layer of road dust. It mixed with her sweat, creating grimy areas & settling in the creases of any exposed skin. Adventuring was the pits! Who'd do this for a fucking living?
The smell hit them when the breeze wafted past once more. Shit & piss & blood & guts.
"Oh, uh-uh, you guys can deal with that, I'm out."
She went to stand resolutely by the side of the road, arms crossed. The others looked back at her, & she made shooing gestures at them. No way she wanted to go stab dying hyenas & deal with ravenous gnolls. Let them do the honours. Only she probably shouldn't have, because now she was alone her mind once more presented her the horror show again from this morning.
"Withers," she called out, biting her lip & staring at the other side of the road.
"Dost thou require something?" he materialised beside her.
"Can you wipe memories?"
"No."
"Please? My head's gonna replay what I shouldn't have seen until I'm desensitized to it. That could take a long time. Time we don't have if I have to concentrate on other things."
She heard him heave a dry sigh.
"Cans't thou not bear his pain? It is but a single life, after all."
The tight knot she'd felt in the base of her throat all morning crept up higher.
"It's too much – I had no idea, no feeling, for all that … suffering. It's too much for a single life."
"His is not the only one – far from it – to bear such pain. Pain & suffering, if handled with grace & shared with those that care, lead to growth of the soul. But to ignore it, hide from it or mask it leads to stagnation, regression & repetition."
"That man deserves his revenge" she said thickly, wiping her eyes as they began streaming once more.
"Is that for thou to decide?"
And wasn't that a doozy of a question! It had been for her to decide, every time she'd played the game, in the seat of both the protagonist & the omniscient being in control. Ascend him or not, knowing where each pathway would lead.
"It's not up to me, is it?" It dawned on her, only now, that while she might be privy to all that helpful information, she could no more control how these people reacted to situations than make those choices for them when they arose. She could only be there for them, if they wanted her to be. Belle realised she needed to up her A game in forging relationships with them if she wanted to influence them toward their best selves. Which meant being genuine. How scary.
The others returned, who knew how much later, maybe midmorning, covered in blood & gore.
"Anyone hurt?" she called out as Gus came over to stand beside her while Gale cast prestidigation on the others, cleaning them up quick smart.
"Just some cuts & such, nothing serious." Gus assured her, wiping off his daggers on some rags before throwing them casually away on the road. He caught sight of her face.
"You alright, hun? Did something happen?"
"No, I'm fine. Just got a kick up the pants by Withers is all. I'll deal with it."
"Do I need – "
"You don't need to do anything, dad. It's fine. I'm a big girl now, I just have to act like one."
He studied her a moment before nodding.
They started out again, Belle walking as far out from the path as possible once they hit the hyena massacre. Were they native to the area? It didn't strike her as a place that was natural to them, but then, what did she know, really? She wasn't a geek on the intricacies of Faerun & had only become interested in it again because of the game. The only other time she'd had anything to do with dnd was when she'd been a girl & read the Dragonlance Chronicles, which, she was pretty sure, wasn't even set in the same world.
"Hey, Gale?" she asked him as he was ahead of her.
"Hmmm?"
"You heard of a Drizzt Do'urden? Or a Raistlin Majere?" She remembered the names, but not the specifics of who they'd been.
He tripped, whipping his head back round to her so quickly she could have sworn she heard it snap.
"Whoa", she ran up quickly & grabbed his arm, helping to steady him, then stepped away quickly so as not to subject him to her aroma.
"How does an Earthling know those names?"
So, that was a yes.
"You'd be surprised. I'm surprised we seem to know. But that knowledge is presented as fiction, so no one really believes all this is real." She waved her arms about indicating where they were right now, but also Faerun at large.
They started walking together, albeit Belle keeping the personal distance between them & then some.
"They're fictional?" His brain gears sped up. It was interesting watching how quickly his brain worked. Not so much when he put two & two together.
"Does Earth know about Toril? About Faerun? …. Us?"
Whoopsie.
"Whaaaat? Nooo, of course not!" She gave a high falsetto laugh.
"Forgive me, but you're a very bad liar. Is this where you get your fore knowledge from, then? Fictional means on Earth?" He looked hurt. Great. Puppy dog hurt eyes from Gale did not sit well.
Recalling her talk with Withers, she took a deep breath in. Genuine. She was the epitome of genuine. Breathed out.
"We know. But we don't believe. Nothing like magic exists there, so we make shit up. No magic, gods, aliens, elves" (she nodded ahead to Shadowheart & Astarion), "wizards, clerics, vampires etc. etc. Just humans. Just us. No one & nothing else." She knew people believed in gods back home, but, with no evidence, she didn't present it as such.
Gale looked thoughtful. Then sad.
"Thank you for sharing that. I imagine you've been told not to by our erstwhile scribe companion. I appreciate it. I can't imagine how … lonely … that must be for you all."
"Yeah, well, there's a modern theory going around that we're all lacking spiritually & it's leading to epidemic sized problems of disconnection & depression. I think we're losing ourselves with no clear direction or purpose. We make up for it with addiction, work, losing ourselves to things that aren't in the end healthy for us…."
"There's more to you than meets the eye, Belle. I had no idea your thoughts delved so deeply."
"I try to not let that show. It scares people when I do. Most people I know don't like to think that deep, or don't understand why I do it. I don't either; I can't help it, it's just something I've always done. To find out later when you're older that most people don't think like that is … isolating. So, you stop sharing that part of yourself, so you can appear to fit in more."
"I find most don't like it when I get enthusiastic about a topic, either. To cut oneself off from their enthusiasm, however, seems to me like you're cutting off your nose to spite your face."
This was turning out to be the best chat she'd had in years! Gale was not only listening to her but reciprocating with his own anecdotes & experiences. A deeply buried part of her moved slightly in response. Opening up herself to others had been stamped out of her years ago by someone to whom she should have been closest with. This was… nice. To listen, share & be heard in return.
She gave him a small smile, a genuine smile, that he returned.