Shinji flopped down on the couch with a huff, letting his head fall back and roll against the cushion, relieving some of the tension that'd been building up in his neck over the day. He allowed himself a sigh, melting into the cushions as the ache in his body similarly melted away.
Sometimes, he really wondered if it made sense for him to be this exhausted when he got home. It wasn't as if Shinji had an incredibly busy schedule or anything; he'd usually sleep in a little before he had to get up for afternoon classes, and the only morning class he had happened once a week. All he really did was walk around campus to pass time and sit in class for a few hours. It wasn't laborious by any means.
Although, Shinji supposed it might've been the mental strain more than anything. He'd always been an introvert - that was nothing new. He wasn't the most flexible when it came to change, and even after a month and a half of college life, Shinji still wasn't quite used to it.
Granted, he had fallen into some type of organized schedule. He wasn't so nervous about finding his way around the campus anymore, and he'd found a few easily walkable spots in the city to visit when he had free time. More recently, he'd been able to walk around on autopilot without getting lost. The butterflies that'd persisted through his insides had more or less subsided after the first week of settling down here, but they weren't completely gone.
Case in point: Shinji's stomach squirmed subtly as he heard the front door to his dorm open with an accompanied tinkling of keys. Quickly, Shinji pulled his phone from his pocket and swiped around on it, pretending to look busy as his roommate entered and closed the door behind him. He almost felt irritated with himself. How many times had he done that? It was almost like a ritual these days. If Shinji didn't give himself enough time to turn on the TV when he settled into the couch, he'd pull out his phone and fidget with the settings just to avoid a conversation when his roommate came home.
...Although, that honestly didn't stop the guy.
"Hey, Shinji-kun."
"Mm," Shinji hummed back neutrally in acknowledgement. 'Just please don't start yapping today... or at the very least, don't sit-'
He promptly plopped himself down on the couch, jostling Shinji. "It's barely even October and it's already freezing. Those people who wear shorts out are just trying to look cool or something, because there's no reason for anyone not to wear pants out right now. What dorks."
Shinji furrowed his brows at his phone screen, scrolling unseeingly through social media. Why did he always have to sit in the middle of the couch? Shinji was leaned up against the arm as close as he could be and he was still too close for comfort.
He felt another twinge of annoyance when the other boy took off his hoodie and carelessly tossed it over the opposite couch arm. His clothes were always lying around the place... it's not like he didn't have his own room.
"Is nothing good on?"
"I didn't check," Shinji shrugged, still staring at his phone, "I only got back a few minutes ago..." He hoped his tone would suggest how he wished to just decompress and have some alone time, but it didn't seem to register, because the TV flicked on anyway. How the hell did he have any idea what channel to settle on if he flipped through them so fast?
With a sigh, Shinji anticipated the TV landing on the channel it almost always did, though it didn't stop him from blushing. Why couldn't he just like somethingnormal? Or at the very least, why couldn't he just enjoy his romantic dramas when Shinji wasn't sat right next to him?
Kaworu was a weird dude; that wasn't news to Shinji. It was just unfortunate that he was the one who had to be subjected to his oddities.
Glancing up at the corner of his screen after many minutes of mindless scrolling, Shinji sighed in relief; enough time had elapsed since Kaworu sat down for him not to look rude leaving his company.
"Uh, you know, if you ever want to pick something to watch, I don't mind."
Shinji turned back as he walked to his room. "Ah, no, it's fine. I just have to study."
He wondered if Kaworu could tell it was a lie. His oddly disappointed hum of acknowledgement made him feel rather guilty, yet he still walked off anyway.
That was another thing about Kaworu... Shinji could've sworn that he'd been trying to getcloserrecently. After all of his regret at not becoming friends with Kaworu at the beginning of the year, he probably would've found it hypocritical to be so opposed to Kaworu's attempts at friendliness now, but his attempts were just soweird.
He'd caught him staring a few times now, often for uncomfortably long amounts of time. Not the confrontational type, Shinji usually just tried to ignore him, but he still felt squirmy when it happened. That on top of his close couch-sitting really rubbed Shinji the wrong way.
The main thing he disliked so much was the fact that Kaworu was slowly acclimating to roommate life by sharing Shinji's stuff, usually without asking. Clothes, toiletries, anything in the fridge (even if it was marked) - Kaworu didn't seem to think that Shinji cared about another person using his stuff.
After a stretch, Shinji was reminded of that fact when he looked down at his desk to see the tube of moisturizer he thought he'd lost laying on his desk, almost completely used up.
The only thing that outweighed his shyness was his sense of indignation. "Hey! Are you serious, Nagisa?!"
Kaworu looked over from the couch, which he had already spread out over. "What?" He smiled when Shinji held out the used-up tube. "Oh, yeah, that stuff was seriously amazing! My skin has been getting so dry in this weather, it's awful. I mean, I'm used to having hydrated skin, so it's really-"
"You can't just take my stuff without asking! I'm not trying to be a dick, but do you know how expensive this stuff is? You couldn't have evenasked?"
Kaworu shrugged, turning back to the TV. His nonchalantness made Shinji's anger rise. "It's not like I used it all; there's still some left. Anyway, I saw that thing sitting on your desk for like a week collecting dust - it's not like you were using it."
Shinji's hand fell huffily to his side. "What I do or don't do with the stuffIbuy isn't your business! And how often are you just waltzing into my room looking around for stuff to grab?!"
Smirking, Kaworu kept his eyes on the TV. "What? You got something you wanna hide?"
Shinji's stomach squirmed uncomfortably. "It shouldn't matter! I'm allowed to want my privacy, especially when I know you're gonna try to steal my stuff!"
"Not really stealing if I'm giving it back after."
"If you're using it up, yes, it is!"
"I already said though, there's still some left." He smirked directly at Shinji this time. "Maybe you should use it; stress isn't good for your skin. And anyway, aren't you supposed to bestudyingright now? You seem distracted with something, Shinji-kun."
"God, you are so-!" Shinji stopped himself, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, you're right. So leave me be."
"I wasn't the one who started the conversation," he sang teasingly as Shinji walked away, grumbling swears as he retreated into his room, replaying their talk in his head huffily.
Why did every interaction have to be like that? It was like Kaworu did everything he possibly could to get on Shinji's nerves. And it was times like these where Shinji had to reconsider whether Kaworu wasactuallytrying to be friends with him.
He knew Kaworu's type from high school. The popular, good-looking type of person who seemed to get off on making fun of losers. Shinji had always been a quiet nerd; it wasn't surprising he often found himself the butt of teasing and bullying. He was used to the treatment, but having to room with someone who reminded him so intensely of the people he'd finally thought he'd moved on from left a really bad taste in his mouth.
He counted himself sort of lucky that all that treatment in his adolescent years had given him pretty thick skin. He was a lot more willing to stand up for himself now than he used to be anyway.
Kaworu's relentless teasing style was new to him though... how the hell was he supposed to defend himself when he just seemed to get smirkier the more Shinji got riled up?
Shinji blinked, sitting up straight with a frown, realizing he'd been spaced out thinking about his roommate. That pretty jerk couldn't even stay off his mind in a different room...
He opened his laptop. Shinji hadn't really intended to study after making his escape, but he knew it was probably the best thing to do. If he had to pay for school, he might as well apply himself.
He already found his mind slipping as he watched over a professor's recorded lecture, though. He really wished he had a reason to slack off... like getting distracted texting friends. Putting his head down on his arms, Shinji sighed. God, he really was a loser, wasn't he?
Two months of school and he still hadn't made any friends... His college years were supposed to be some of his best, yet he couldn't recount anything at all he'd call memorable so far.
He went to class, he went home, he slept. And that was all.
It'd been hard in high school to put himself out there, sure, but he really did think that a change of scenery would give him the chance to actually make friends and have fun living. After all, that's how it seemed to work out for everyone else, right? If other people could do it, then what made him so different?
Shinji closed his laptop, lost in a dreary spiral of self-pitying and bitterness. It wasn't the first afternoon he'd fallen down that spiral, and he doubted it would be the last if things kept up this way. That sick, uncomfortable feeling in his stomach he'd always had when he sat alone in his room, even before he'd made it to high school, was familiar. He assumed the feeling would be easy to deal with by now, but it seemed like it'd only gotten worse. Obviously, it wasn't helped by reflecting on his shitty college experience.
The lump rising up his throat was swallowed down forcefully. What a stupid thing to cry about... he knew it was his own fault; it's not like it was out of his control. He was just being a whiny baby about something he was responsible for. He'd put himself into this friendless, solitary position - what the hell was crying gonna solve?
But as much as he tried to convince himself that he could change, that he could make the effort to go out and meet people and solve his situation right away, it really didn't feel that way at all. He didn't even know where to start.
Why did everything need to feel so complicated?
Eyes still closed, Shinji felt his thoughts drifting, though that sick loneliness stayed right where it was, even as the rest of his feelings left him. He supposed it was just a fundamental part of him at this point...
A knock at his door made him shoot up with a gasp. Shinji blinked confusedly; the light that'd been shining through his window mere moments ago was replaced with pitch darkness. He sighed, realizing he must've fallen asleep.
The rapping on his door continued. "Shinji-kun? Hellooo?"
"Yes?" he asked in a raised voice.
He swiveled around when Kaworu opened the door. His cheeks flushed unpleasantly at the sight of him wet-haired and clad in nothing but a towel wrapped around his hips. A little laugh escaped his lips as he stood in the doorway, completely shameless.
"Must've been studying hard, huh? It took you a while to respond."
Wrongfooted, Shinji took a second before rolling his eyes, landing them firmly on the wall rather than Kaworu's pinkened skin. "Wh-What do you want, Nagisa?" He doubted it was to apologize for their earlier interaction. Kaworu never apologized after an argument.
He leaned a hip against the doorframe, glancing down at his phone. "Well, there's gonna be a party a few blocks down from our place. I guess I got invited by one of the hosts."
Shinji stared at him, a pang of jealousy and irritation rising up his chest. What did it matter to him if Mr. Popularity got invited to a party? Kaworu went out all the time in the dead of night - did he suddenly just want to rub it in Shinji's face that he casually got to go to exclusive parties that Shinji would never, ever get invited-
"I was just wondering if you wanted to come as my plus-one. They said I could bring one."
His mouth fell open. "What?"
Kaworu quirked an eyebrow. "...I asked if you wanted to come with me to this party." He smiled again. "You seem well-rested enough for it."
Shinji wanted his first reaction to be skepticism, yet there was a traitorous leaping in his chest that made it obvious how eager he was at the prospect. The answer to his woes... the solution to this plaguing loneliness... it was standing there naked in a bath towel in his doorway.
Still though... "You wantmeto come with you?"
The other boy inclined his head. "I do, honestly."
And despite how sincere Kaworu sounded, Shinji still felt conflicted. If he was inviting him out, then Kaworu's attempts at friendliness were certainly sincere, right?
"...Don't you have any other friends you'd prefer to invite?" If Kaworu was being invited to parties as often as Shinji knew he was, then obviously he must... what was he doing bothering with Shinji?
Kaworu sighed. "Not really, to be honest. The only person I'd want to take with me other than you is already coming, so it'd just be a waste. And anyway... I really do want you to come along, Shinji-kun."
When Shinji hesitated again, Kaworu continued, "...You really should get out more."
The blush from before seemed to spread. Great. So, what, Kaworu was inviting him out because he felt sorry for him? What a fun outing that would be...
After that thought crossed his mind, Shinji realized just how much he'd annoyed himself with it. What did it matterwhyKaworu was inviting him? He was still inviting him to a party; he was giving him a reason to go out and make friends. It was exactly what he'd been wishing for, and he was still being a moody brat about it.
Seriously, what was wrong with him?
Kaworu sighed again. "Alright... nevermind then, I guess."
Shinji's stomach squirmed. "N-No, I'll come!" He blurted out before Kaworu could close the door.
His usual, annoying smirk found its way back onto his face. Shinji thought he looked relieved. "Finally. I was starting to think you liked living in your bed." When Shinji frowned at the tease, Kaworu laughed. "I'm just kidding! Gosh, you don't have to look so stern all the time."
Shinji furrowed his brows. "Oh, be quiet... uh, when are we meant to be there?"
Kaworu shrugged, consulting his phone again. "Oh, in an hour I'd say. I have to dry my hair anyway." He sighed. "Ugh, I really should've done this earlier... I hate going out when it's damp..."
He watched Kaworu walk off back to the bathroom, leaving his door open. Now left alone, Shinji melted back into his chair and sighed, his heart beating much too quickly. He was invited to a party. Aparty. Except for elementary school birthdays, this would be the first he'd been invited to in his life.
With a breath, he stood up. He really hoped he could make a good impression...
...
Shinji stared ahead as he and Kaworu finally made it up to the right floor, panting slightly. The walk hadn't been too bad... aside from Kaworu's unpleasant close-walking and occasional hand-brushing, it was sort of nice to be out in the fresh air. And though he didn't like to admit it, walking beside another person - even if it was his weird roommate - made him feel a lot more confident than he usually did taking walks.
However, his nerves were just getting worse by the second. At least out in the cold night air he could focus on his breathing more than the unnaturally fast beating of his heart. Now though, standing in front of the apartment door, Shinji couldn't think about much else at all.
What the hell did people evendoat parties? How was he meant to interact with people? Was it weird to just walk up and introduce yourself? What if he did something embarrassing? What if-
"Uh, are you okay?"
Shinji swallowed. "What? Yeah, I'm fine." He glanced at Kaworu's arm suspended in the air. "You can go on and knock already..."
With a nose-exhaled laugh, Kaworu did just that, and Shinji's stomach squirmed worse than ever when the door opened a moment later.
Shinji nodded with a tight smile when Kaworu introduced him as his roommate to the guy letting them in. Almost the moment they actually made it inside, that same guy pressed a beer can into Kaworu's hand and ushered him over to a group a few feet away. And all Shinji could do was watch with a sick, nervous twist as the one person he knew here was taken away from him, leaving him standing near the door. He felt like a lost child waiting for his mom to find him again at the grocery store.
Forcing himself not to back down and slip away unnoticed (It was an arduous task; the door was literally right there) Shinji shoved his hands in his thick coat pockets and weaved his way slowly through the groups of talkative people, the music bassy and the lights dim & colorful. He wondered if the air was hot or if it was just the blush on his face. He must look so stupid...
His eyes fell on an ice cooler left open in another room. He hesitated but tried his best to near it with purpose. He'd never gotten drunk before... though everyone said it was meant to make you loosen up. Shinji really needed all the help he could get.
The last time he'd tasted alcohol was when he'd sipped some in his youth and it was just as disgusting as he remembered. He grit his teeth and bared it, at least thankful he blended in a little more with a can in hand. So, at this point he'd successfully upgraded from a loser sitting alone in his room to a loser standing in the corner of a packed apartment with a beer can. Wonderful.
He'd topped off most of it before another five minutes had gone by, feeling stupider and stupider as he looked around, trying to appear laid back and comfortable. Maybe if he went to go find Kaworu he'd be better off... then again, he might be surrounded by popular people who wouldn't want someone leeching onto Kaworu all night. And seriously, why did the music have to be so damn loud anyway?
"Ha! I knew it!"
Shinji turned his head quickly, meeting eyes with a rapidly approaching man. He was staring at him wide-eyed through thin-rimmed glasses. Shinji leaned back just a bit. "S-Sorry?"
He smiled crookedly. "That jacket! It's authentic, isn't it?"
Blinking, Shinji looked down, forgetting what he was wearing. "Oh, uh, yeah. It's my father's. He served when I was really young."
Shinji watched as he inspected the coat. Admittedly, Shinji had always liked it too, though he doubted it was for the same reason as this dude. It was adequately insulating and it looked vintage. Plus, it was one of the few things his father had passed down to him.
"Nice, nice... and that's a special patch too - you know what it means?" Shinji shook his head. He almost wanted to laugh as he drew himself up impressively. He looked like the definition of a nerd. "It means your dad worked outside the traditional ranks. Probably working a special assignment. I bet he's a pretty important guy."
Shinji glanced at the dark blue insignia on his shoulder. "Huh... I guess that checks out. He's a scientist, and I think he was doing something research related for them..." It felt odd to talk about his father with a stranger, but if it was keeping a conversation then Shinji was happy to cling to it.
"My dad's an engineer. He's worked with those recruit scientists a lot over the years, but he's always been all secretive about what they do together, even if I pry. I swear one of these days I'll figure out what they're doing, but I'm pretty sure it's gotta be developing chemical warfare, right? I mean, what the hell else would they be working on together? Hey, I wonder if your dad ever worked with mine! You ever ask him about the time he served?"
Shinji smiled weakly. At least this guy was doing the talking for him... he had literally no interest in or knowledge of the military. "Uh, no, not really..." He figured it'd be a real mood killer to expound upon his and his father's relationship. No one needed to hear about that.
"God dammit, if ya scuttle off like a rat one more time, I swear I'm gonna leave yer ass here ya little- who's this dude?"
A taller man had muscled his way towards them. Shinji laughed a little, his mood strangely uplifted. "I'm Ikari Shinji."
"Oh, right, names. I'm Kensuke; this jerk is Toji; he's my roommate."
Toji promptly punched him in the arm. They looked like an odd pairing... Kensuke seemed like the kind of guy who'd get beaten up for lunch moneybyToji, but Shinji figured he really needed to drop those kinds of judgements at this point.
"Y'know, I don't mean this in a dickish way at all, Ikari, but you kinda seem outta place. How'd you get invited?"
Toji snorted. "As if we fit in any better..."
Shinji smiled. "Well, you're right. I don't know any of the guys throwing this party, but I guess my roommate does. He invited me as a plus-one..."
"Whose yer roommate?" Toji asked, knocking back the remainder of his drink.
"Nagisa Kaworu. I think he's..." Shinji trailed off, watching their eyes widen as they exchange a dumbstruck look. "What?"
"Nagisa?! He's yourroommate?" Kensuke considered him with renewed awe. "Holy shit, that's amazing! That's a free pass to like half the private shit people organize here!"
"For real! Ya got any idea what I had to do to get our sorry asses in 'ere?"
Shinji raised his eyebrows. "Uh, no I don't."
"Hinata, the dude who's throwin' this thing, he had a buncha dudes on his floor gather up n' see who could chug a gallon of milk the fastest. Ikari, yer lookin' at the winner."
"Oh my God, are you kidding me?" Shinji raised a hand to his mouth, laughing, "That's disgusting!'
"Yeah, well, it was more disgusting when he threw it up back at our place. Dude, I can't describe to you the face I was making when he just let it all out."
"Yeah, it kinda looked like that," Toji laughed, watching Shinji's face twist.
"There isno waythis party was worth that!"
"Yeah, yeah, says the dude with the easy way out! You just got to beg yer pretty boy roommate while I was out doin' it like a man!" Toji incited, clearly tipsy himself.
"I did notbeghim! Nagisa invited me. Anyway, I don't thinkyouhave the right to call anyone else desperate."
He snickered. "I dunno... ya seem kinda defensive. I wonder what freaky thing ya had to do for him to agree to bring ya..."
Shinji realized what he meant much slower than he would've usually. "Ugh, you're so gross! I'd rather do the milk thing ten times over!"
After a shared laugh, Kensuke considered with a crooked grin, "Not like Nagisa has to resort to his roommate for that kinda stuff. He's got all the hot chicks wrapped around his finger. I bet he's never feelin' needy."
Shinji looked down at the opening of his now empty can, thinking sluggishly. "I dunno... I don't think I've ever heard him with a girl before... his room's always quiet at night. Plus, whenever he goes out, he always comes back. I don't think he's ever spent the night someplace else..."
It was odd, thinking back on it. He knew Kaworu was attractive, incredibly so; anyone could see that. And that on top of being popular. Shinji would imagine someone like that to be the type who got around easy, yet he really hadn't noticed any signs of promiscuity at all. No moaning from his room, no overnight visitors, nor post-coital looks of satisfaction and messiness in the morning. Kaworu seemed about as abstinent as Shinji was.
...Then again, it's not like being a virgin made him an expert in noticing the signs.
Distantly, Shinji wondered why he even cared at all. It's not like what Kaworu got up to was any of his business... after all, he didn't even like him.
Though he was starting to forget exactly why that was.
Shinji didn't have much more time to think about it though, as he found himself dissolving into uncontrolled laughter mere moments later. He barely even knew what he was laughing about now, only that he knew it felt good to do so. It'd been an incredibly long time since he last felt this giddy, this happy to be a part of a group.
Kensuke and Toji sure were weirdos, but at least they were good ones.
Keeping track of time was getting harder and harder too, though Shinji really couldn't have cared less. That nervous boy sitting alone in his room trying to think up conversation starters and practicing his smile felt like a whole different person from where he stood now. Here with Kensuke and Toji, Shinji couldn't imagine anywhere else he'd rather be.
Though the night couldn't last forever. At least a few hours must've gone by since he first showed up; the groups of people had grown sparser and the chatter less prevalent. Shinji could feel himself getting more tired too.
He was in the middle of humoring Kensuke's long-winded tangent about cryptids which Toji was twisting his face at when he felt a tug on his arm.
"Wha... oh, Nagisa," Shinji blinked, focusing on him.
"Sorry to spoil the fun," he smiled.
"S'it Ikari's bedtime?" Toji snickered behind his hand.
Ignoring the fact that he was actually getting rather worn out, Shinji gave Toji a look. "Oh, you're funny. You should try stand-up."
"I think we should be getting back, Shinji-kun... Hinata-kun wants to wrap things up soon anyway."
Kensuke groaned. "All that time and I didn't even talk to any girls... Toji, you're gonna have to scout s'more competitions. I swear I'll be on my A-game next time."
"Yeah, as long as ya don't cling to another nerd like you did this time around."
"And I was starting to think you actually liked me," Shinji grinned, a little distracted by Kaworu's continued grip on his arm.
"Hey, hey, before you go..." Kensuke dug through his pocket and procured a crumpled-up sticky note. Unfurling it, he grabbed for a pen inside Toji's jacket and scribbled something. "You keep this, Ikari, and don't forget to hit me up."
"Right, we'll hang again real soon, aight?"
Shinji pocketed the note, smiling stupidly. "Yeah. 'Aight'"
"Make sure to tuck him in real nice n' tight, Nagisa!"
"Oh, give 'im a big kiss from us!"
"I will!" Kaworu called back with a smirk when they walked off. Ever the people person he was...
Shinji groaned as Kaworu steered him back out the front door. "Come on, you don't have to play into them..." He loosely attempted to tug his arm back, but Kaworu didn't seem interested in letting go. The sudden shift in noise and color made Shinji's head spin slightly.
Kaworu hummed. "So, it's okay when they tease you, but not when I tease you?"
Huffing out against the cold air, Shinji glanced at his pale roommate. He was smirking in that irritating way he always did... though Shinji's eyes found themselves drawn to the light tinge of red in his cheeks and dilation of his pupils. No doubt Kaworu was as buzzed as he was. The longer Shinji stared, the more he thought. Right now, Kaworu looked kinda...
He turned forward again with an odd stomach lurch. "Don't call itteasing, Nagisa... makes it sound weird."
Humming again, Kaworu looked ahead, and although Shinji wasn't a helpless child or anything, he was at least grateful to have someone who was used to drunken night walks steer him home. He couldn't seem to figure out where they were in town right now...
The time between leaving the party and arriving back up to their apartment felt oddly blurry, though Shinji sighed with relief the moment they stepped back inside. A wash of comfort and familiarity seemed to wash over Shinji as he edged around the couch and flopped down on it. Eyes closed, he listened to Kaworu lock the door, his footsteps then nearing until the couch dipped beside him.
"Is it always this tiring afterwards?" he asked, lazily turning his head to Kaworu. He didn't seem to mind his closeness like he did usually.
"For introverts like us, yes, yes, it is."
Shinji raised an eyebrow watching Kaworu in the dim, yellow light. "'Like us?' Come on, you have too many friends to call yourself that..."
Kaworu shook his head. "What does that matter? You made some friends tonight."
"Yeah, but that's different. You're actually popular." He tilted his head when Kaworu breathed out a laugh. "What?"
"It's kinda presumptuous to think I like being around people all the time just because I'm popular."
Shinji stared at him. "...Is that not the same thing?"
"A lot of people like me, sure. They want me to come to parties, hang out, go on dates... have sex with them." The sound of the word on Kaworu's lips made Shinji's face feel warmer. How dumb... "Shinji-kun, it gets tiring sometimes."
Still not really understanding, Shinji shook his head. Was it just his alcohol-addled brain that was making this feel so incomprehensible? "What, so you hate being around all those people?"
"I never said that..." He turned to Shinji. "I like partying and spending time with people... but it's not like I live for it. I get tired too."
Shinji thought. He couldn't help but feel weirdly empathetic, even if Kaworu's world was so far removed from his own. Shinji'd never been able to handle too much social interaction. Even talking with family, Shinji couldn't help but wish sometimes that he was someplace else. He'd always thought that was just because of how used to being alone he was though. Had he been mistaken?
Flicking his eyes away, Shinji spoke before he even really knew why he was asking. "But what about... about dating and stuff. Aren't you happy so many girls like you?"
The fairer of the two gave a half-hearted eye roll to the wall. "Why would I be? I don't care if girls admire me, but I've gotten sick of getting propositioned while I'm trying to study in the library. It's like I'm a prize instead of a person." He sighed. "I'm not interested in giving them what they want."
Mouth falling open, Shinji was on the verge of asking Kaworu what he meant by that, but when Kaworu turned back to him quickly, he forgot what he was going to say.
"I... I wanted to spend time with you tonight - at the party. I didn't know he was going to whisk me off like that..."
Shinji looked away for a moment. He found it hard to look into Kaworu's eyes for some reason. "I-It was fine... I wasn't alone or anything." He almost felt annoyed Kaworu wanted to baby him about going out. It's not like he couldn't handle himself.
Kaworu shook his head. He was still staring. "That's not what I mean..."
Furrowing his eyebrows, Shinji forced his attention back on Kaworu's face. Had he gottencloser? "Wh-What are you talking about?"
His lips fell into a pout. Shinji felt something odd leap in his chest when he glanced down at them. "I've been trying... I've been trying since we met. You're barely ever out here. You always storm off after we talk..."
"Trying...? N-Nagisa, what the hell are you saying?" But even through his mind's haze, Shinji thought he knew what Kaworu was getting at. The way his heart was speeding up would certainly suggest he did.
"I thought maybe if I took you out tonight, you'd like me a little more and... and," he trailed off, shifting slightly and placing a hand just beside Shinji's thigh. Shinji twitched.
Eyes wide, Shinji stared into Kaworu's heavily lidded ones. The light pink in his cheeks had spread along his soft looking skin. Shinji almost felt like he'd never properly looked at Kaworu before, because it felt like he was taking everything in for the first time. High cheekbones, sharp jaw, long eyelashes, and perfect lips. What the hell was happening in his stomach?
"I've seen you looking at me, Shinji-kun... I-I think I like showing myself off for you."
A pang of something equally familiar and confusing coursed through Shinji's insides. He pulled his legs up as he kept his body turned to Kaworu, who was practically crawling over Shinji's legs now. He had hoped moving would make it easier to hide what was happening to his body, but it only seemed to put him in a more compromising position. Shinji's face felt like it was on fire.
"I-I don't... I've never, uh." Mouth dry, Shinji trailed off, realizing for the first time that hehadindeed stolen glances at Kaworu. Every now and then, he'd chance a look, never realizing that he'd committed the sights to memory. His stomach twisted when he recalled Kaworu's towel-covered frame leaning against his doorframe.
Kaworu narrowed his eyes playfully. "It's okay. I've been looking at you too, Shinji-kun..." He was looking down at Shinji now, who had helplessly scrabbled at the couch as Kaworu crawled over him, making the heat developing inside him all the worse. His body had never felt so out of control before. He couldn't think straight.
He was getting frustrated.
"Y'know, I think you're really cute. I think about it every time I see you... Everything about you is just-"
Shinji wrapped his arms around Kaworu's shoulders and pulled him down with a sudden bout of daring he was certain he'd never have sober. All sense of reason fell through the floor the moment Kaworu's hips made contact with his own. Shinji gasped and writhed at the novel sensation of another man's aching need pressing down against his.
Kaworu let out a surprised moan into Shinji's ear that sent a shiver of pleasure down his spine. He gripped Kaworu's shirt and breathed against his neck, "You talk too much."
His muttered words broke off into a shaky whine when Kaworu ground his hips down into his partner's with abandon, leaving Shinji desperately digging his nails into Kaworu's back to anchor himself. Every rough, rhythmless thrust sent a wild spike of pleasure through Shinji's insides, arching up his spine and filling his brain with nothing but the desire for more.
"Sh-Shinji-kun! Ahh..." Shinji arched his back and moaned again into Kaworu's neck at the sound of his own name slurred into his ear. He pushed his hips up to meet Kaworu's and gasped at the harsh, inexperienced friction, able to feel how hot and needy Kaworu was even through his clothes - almost as desperate as him.
Shinji wrapped a leg around Kaworu's waist, looking for as much contact as possible. He let out a long moan when Kaworu's clothed cock pressed against all of his sensitive spots, giving him the perfect angle to pleasure himself from.
As if to express his appreciation for the change in position too, Kaworu wrapped his arms under Shinji's back in a crushing hug, their bodies flush except for the continuous, desperate writhing of their hips.
Throwing his head back, Shinji stared mindlessly at the ceiling, basking in the smothering heat and intensity of Kaworu's humping. He'd never felt pleasure like this before. Touching himself was nothing compared to this wonderful, all-encompassing warmth. The heat, the scent, the sound of another person pleasuring themselves against him was almost more than he could take, yet he never wanted it to stop.
Suddenly, Kaworu's hot breath on his neck turned into a wet warmth, and Shinji gasped at the sensation of those pretty, smirking lips sucking a hickey into his skin. He twitched and groaned as Kaworu ground down hard and bit his neck, moaning against his skin in clear satisfaction.
They writhed against each other desperately for minutes on end, Shinji's mind frazzled and warm from Kaworu's over-eager mouth and movements. Shinji felt his body shaking, his breath stuttering once he realized what was coming. The tightness in his core was reaching a peak, his hips stuttering against Kaworu's.
"F-Fuck, I'm, I'm-!" And before Shinji could keep babbling, Kaworu sucked harshly on his neck and held him close, grinding their hips together even more harshly than before.
His pleasure finally rising to its peak, Shinji let out a loud, involuntary moan. Wave after wave of euphoria washed over him while Kaworu humped him through his orgasm, Shinji wrapping his arms painfully tight around Kaworu's body, biting the fabric of his shirt to muffle his delighted cries.
He felt Kaworu's movements stiffen, his low, pretty moans breaking off into sighs, and just as Shinji was coming down, Kaworu came, whining Shinji's name and incomprehensible praise into his overheated skin.
Slowly, Kaworu calmed his movements, lazily pressing his softening bulge against Shinji's until he stilled and fully dropped against him.
Suddenly overcome with drowsiness and the fuzzy warmth of afterglow, Shinji couldn't find the time nor the effort to process what just happened.
Closing his eyes, he motionlessly welcomed the lure of sleep, already losing sense to the pale man nuzzling into his neck, who whispered something Shinji would never remember.