Quidditch tryouts took place in the October rain. Sirius trudged down to the pitch alongside James, immediately miserable as his hair was plastered to his face. James was excitedly bounding alongside him - apparently unaffected by the weather - chattering about tactics. Marlene was on his left and in Sirius' opinion, in a much more reasonable mood.
"I swear, if it's me and James that get on the team, and I have to deal with this for the rest of my school years, I'm going to scream." Marlene whispered to him. Sirius snorted.
"Likely what'll happen. I'm certainly not getting on the team."
Marlene clapped him on the back, then grimaced as his cloak squelched. "You never know! Also, if you don't, at least you won't have to fly about in the rain all winter."
The pitch was fairly busy, with the Gryffindor team on one set of goals, and the Hufflepuff team holding tryouts on the other side. Sirius returned an excited wave from Stebbins, as he hurried past them to the far side of the pitch.
"Hi, you lot!"
Sirius looked over to the voice and saw Alice coming over to them, broomstick in hand and a beaming grin on her face. Her cheeks were bright red from the cold rain. She indicated behind her where the current team stood, gathered.
"There's the captain, George. You won't've met before. Go line up with the other new candidates and he's gonna put you all through some straightforward drills before we get to the full tryouts. There's plenty of people that show up and can only really use a kid's broom."
Sirius looked over at the gaggle of soggy Gryffindors. Dorcas and Mary were already there, along with Laurie Kwok (a serious looking girl with short, brown hair) and Hamza Shakir (much less dour and in a bright orange jumper), who he only vaguely knew from the common room. There was a much older student who he knew was friends with Mo the prefect and was quite sure was called Marla. They huddled next to Mary and Dorcas, whose fingers were already white from holding their broomsticks in the weather.
"No Remus or Peter?" Mary asked, peering behind them. Sirius shrugged.
"Remus hates brooms, and Peter prefers football. I didn't know you two were looking to try out."
Mary dragged her wet hair out of her eyes and squelched her boots in the waterlogged pitch. "They've got the right idea, I regret coming down. Wish they ran the Quidditch season through Spring and Summer, instead."
George approached the gathered group, smiling brightly and apparently unaffected by the cold. He was tall, with a freckled face and very burly arms.
"Thanks for coming - I think the weather's done the hardest part - I don't have to screen you for dedication! We're looking to fill two chaser spots, then if anyone can out-perform our current team for beater, keeper and seeker, we'll see about that this afternoon." He took out his wand and produced eight tiny bright blue birds into the grey sky.
"If you could just follow one of these as close as you can, and I'll be able to have a look at what you're capable of."
Sirius could feel James itching to go next to him, though he'd somehow managed to contain himself until the older students had gone off first. Sirius fixed his eyes on the tiny bird and waited to hear his name, before shooting off after it.
It was a nice feeling. All those evenings of practice on James' prized Comet 220 had certainly improved his confidence. Despite the terrible conditions, it was much preferable to standing on the ground. He could see why his mother didn't approve of it. For one thing, it was quite an embarrassment when Marla slipped straight off the back of hers and landed in the mud, but primarily, she'd never approved of anything that might give him or Regulus a taste for freedom.
He let the cold air wipe him clean and filled his head with the sole focus of watching his quarry, dipping and dodging between the other Gryffindors - catching Hamza and Mary collide out of the corner of his eye. He was shooting up like a rocket and on the verge of giddy laughter when the bird disappeared and he could hear George's faint voice calling him down.
He obeyed, happy and unsurprised to see Marlene and James in the group to the right along with Dorcas and Laurie. James was grinning delightedly at him.
"Easy peasy, ey, mate?"
Sirius landed by them, his mood definitely brightened by the stint in the air.
"Yeah. Easy."
George rolled his eyes good-naturedly.
"Right, we'll see about that, then. You're all decent enough flyers. You all looking for chaser?"
Dorcas raised a nervous hand. "I was hoping for beater, actually."
"Oh? A challenger?"
A ginger haired boy popped his head out from behind George, locking eyes with Dorcas.
"Reckon I could take you, though."
"Yeah, unfortunately, you'd have to out-perform Fabian and he's pretty good. I'm the other beater, and I'm the captain, so that spot's closed. Gideon, our seeker, can take the two of you off and put you through your paces then. Gid, do her a favour and make it so she can tell you apart."
Sirius watched as a second Fabian appeared. Apparently they were identical twins - equally ginger and equally cheeky-looking. Gideon obliged, and pointed his wand at his head, turing his hair bright pink.
"Reckon that'll do, Dorcas?"
They took off away from the group, with Fabian picking up a heavy looking crate along the way.
Sirius turned his attention back to George as he started to run them through the chaser drills. It seemed straightforward enough, and he and James had practised flying with no hands on the broom. He knew he wasn't as confident as his friend, but at the very least, he was sure he wouldn't fall. George took them up to the goals, along with Alice and Suleiman (the only remaining chaser) and had them shoot through it at each other, watching their balance on the broom. Sirius was opposite James and it was clear when they were both flying together that there was no comparing them.
He was easy to underestimate since he was so short and stocky and didn't look particularly fast, but it was apparent that he was more than capable. His balance was impeccable and he was able to reach far out to the side to catch a wide ball without overturning himself. Sirius was decent at catching and knew he had a good eye for the ball, but it was easy for James to throw past him if he put a fast enough spin on it.
They were up there for what felt like a good hour, swapping over and then trying to throw past Alice while George watched. James was ecstatic, beaming infectiously every time Sirius turned to look at him, happily showing off at every opportunity. It had become quite clear to Sirius that Marlene was not to be underestimated either. Smaller and lighter than James, she didn't quite have the same sturdiness on the broom, but was much faster and more nimble.
Once George was satisfied and led them back down to the ground, Sirius' stomach was aching and he had the funny feeling it was going to be sore for the next few days. Alice caught him doubled over and smirked knowingly at him.
"Right, Potter," George clapped James on the shoulder. "You're on. Bloody brilliant - not sure where you learned to fly like that. You too, Meadows. You're bloody nippy on that broom, and Sully's not so fast, so we're definitely missing some speed in the ranks." Marlene was red-faced at the praise and elbowed James excitedly, despite her earlier complaints. Sirius couldn't help but feel a little disappointed. Despite not originally wanting to even try out, now that he'd put in all of the hours in to improve, he did feel a stir of jealousy. Perhaps if he'd grown up like James and had parents that wanted to have fun with a broom, or play catch with him, he'd be a shoe-in for the team too.
After Laurie had walked off (in Sirius' opinion, she had certainly trudged through the mud with unnecessarily heavy feet) George turned his attention to Sirius.
"You're Bellatrix's cousin, aren't you?" he asked. Sirius scowled at him. How could his association with his family have followed him onto the quidditch pitch?
"Yeah. What of it?"
George raised an eyebrow, but was undeterred. "I thought so. She's in my year. Look, you're obviously not better than these two, but you're pretty good. James said you hadn't flown at all until last year."
Sirius wondered where James had found the time to gossip about him to the Captain, but shelved it for later. "Yes, that's right. James was teaching me."
He could see James' eager face a few paces away, obviously trying to listen in over the sound of the rain.
"Well, what do you say to reserve? You seemed like you were having fun, and I reckon with a bit of coaching, you'd be a decent chaser. Maybe a beater, even. If you want to, anyway."
Sirius took a moment, thunking the tail of his borrowed school broom in the mud as he thought. It had been fun. And it had been fun going off in the evenings to practise, too. Just him and James, their own few playful hours. He looked up at George, who was looking down at him kindly, and was reminded of James inviting him to come and see his invisibility cloak last year.
I want you, Sirius. Not Sirius Black, just Sirius. That same feeling all over again.
"Yeah, alright."
George patted him a little roughly on the head. "Brilliant! See you next week on Thursday for practice!"
George left, joining Alice and the twins to gather up the abandoned equipment. James shot forward as though he'd been untethered, Marlene following much more composed after him.
"So, did he offer you reserve?"
"Er, yeah."
"And you took it?"
"Yeah."
"Brill!" James flung an arm around him, evidently thrilled. Marlene grinned.
"A massive relief for me. I need some kind of buffer between me and Potter so I don't lose my head. And James was right, you'll be top notch in a year or so."
Head full of praise, the rain didn't bother him quite as much on the walk back up to the castle.
Once warm and dry again, bolstered by his own accomplishment and the congratulations of his friends, he set his mind to the other challenge that had been hanging over him for the past two months.
Regulus.
All the wistful visions they had shared over the years of their days in Hogwarts together had fizzled away into nothing. Sirius wasn't foolish enough to think that everything would be exactly how they'd imagined it as little boys. After all, he had gone and let himself become a Gryffindor. Nevertheless, he had thought he would at least see Regulus about the castle, but he had been totally elusive.
His last option was Evans.
She was in the common room, consoling a disappointed Dorcas, eating a napkin full of cherry tomatoes she'd stolen from lunch, and did not look pleased to see him.
"I hope you haven't come to gloat," she warned, eyes narrowed suspiciously. Sirius snorted.
"What do you take me for? Besides, it's not like I made the team either. Sorry to hear, by the way, Dorcas. But next year George will leave and there'll be a beater's spot open."
Dorcas ignored him. She was sitting next to Lily on one of the squashy sofas with her head buried in the fur of her black and white cat.
"What do you want?" Lily insisted. Sirius heaved a sigh.
It was embarrassing enough to admit to himself, it had taken quite a bit of courage to accept that he would have to ask for a Slytherin's help in this matter.
"Think you could get hold of Severus?"
Lily coughed on a tomato.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"You heard," Sirius hissed. "Can you help me, or not?"
Lily scowled at him. "You're so rude, you know." She turned to share a disbelieving look with Dorcas before continuing. "Thought you pure-bloods got a bunch of lessons in being better than everyone else - didn't they teach you how to be gentlemanly or something? Or were you sick that day?"
Sirius thought of the shambles of a set of lessons that he and his brother had had on proper conduct. Standing up straight, speaking properly, eating politely. Well, it had all been a brilliant opportunity for him to make a farce of it on purpose for the amusement of Regulus.
"Yeah, something like that." He cast his eyes to the ceiling and took a breath. Obviously he wasn't going to get what he wanted unless he had a bit of humility. "Sorry, Evans. Look, can I talk to you in private or something?"
Lily gave him a suspicious sideways glare, apparently considering the request, before huffing and jumping from the sofa. "Fine. Come on then, Idiot." She strode ahead of him, leading the way out of the portrait hole. Sirius swallowed his retort at the insult and followed her.
Once the Fat Lady was firmly closed behind them and they were alone in the corridor, Lily gave him her attention. "What do you want, then?" she prompted, a little rudely.
Sirius fiddled with the cuff of his sleeve, trying to find a way to convince her to help him out, while also not airing his business. No doubt if he said anything too interesting, it'd be evening chatter for the Gryffindor girls. He wasn't a fool - he had plenty of female cousins.
"You know I have a little brother, don't you?" he asked, trying not to let his anxiety build. After all, if Regulus was going to actively avoid him, then he could hardly complain if Sirius asked around for him. "Well, I've just had trouble-" No, not that. "It's just that I haven't been able to see him, and I was worried-" No. "I was wondering how he's getting on… that's all."
The sentence hung lamely in the air between them and Lily let it sour a little before putting him out of his misery.
"Yeah, I know that none of the Slytherins will speak to you. So that's true for your brother too, is it?"
How? Was she watching him? Surely Snape hadn't been talking to her about it?
"Well… that's-"
"That's true, isn't it?" She was looking right at him. Her eyes were very green - he hadn't noticed before. As hard as her stare was, he couldn't find the same unkindness in her face from a few moments ago.
"I suppose," he conceded. "We were fine before he started school, but it seems like he's avoiding me or something. I can't get a hold of him. But he's my little brother, you know? And well, I know you're friends with Snape, but surely you know what the Slytherins can be like."
The corridor was lit only by torches - there were no windows - and the flickering orange light reminded him oddly of the Autumn glow that filled the room in their first potions lesson. She'd been suspicious of him, then, too. And perhaps for good reason. He cringed a little as he recalled standing there, spouting his father's beliefs and looking for validation. Madness that he would now consult the help of a muggle-born to check in on his little brother in the snake pit.
"Yeah, I'll try him, then."
"What?"
"I said, I'll see what he says. Don't get your hopes up, though. He's hardly going to be jumping to do a favour for you."
He supposed that was fair enough, but was pleasantly surprised that she'd even agreed to try in the first place.
"Thanks, Lily."
The word felt strange in his mouth and he realised it was the first time he had ever called her by her name.
He sat in the common room for the rest of the evening while it emptied around him. The chatter and the fire grew lower and lower until eventually, just the soft crackling of damp logs and the dry crinkle of a few pages turning were the only sounds. Lily returned after a few hours, yawning. He met her eyes with a questioning state and she shrugged.
"I asked," she promised as made her way up to the girls' dormitory. "Just have to wait and see, I suppose."
James had long since gone to bed, dragged there by Peter after he'd fallen asleep in his chair. Remus was curled over a thick muggle fantasy book, his nose a few inches from the pages, his head apparently miles away but at least Sirius had his body there for some kind of companionable silence.
Eventually, Remus unfurled himself, stretching his back and marking his page before bidding him goodnight and following the other two boys up the dormitory staircase. Sirius waited for Denise to go back to her textbook before slipping out of the portrait hole.
The corridor was deserted, of course.
He settled himself, cross-legged in the corner and waited
"I wasn't expecting you to still be waiting for me."
Sirius looked up, surprised Regulus had managed to sneak up on him. He supposed he might've dozed off for a little while. He went to stand up and staggered forwards, finding that his arse had gone numb from sitting on the stone floor for so long.
"I wasn't waiting for you," he contradicted, automatically. Regulus snorted.
"Right. You just sit on the floor outside of Gryffindor Tower because the scenery is nice, I suppose?"
Sirius pulled himself to his feet with the help of an empty torch bracket and grimaced at the pins and needles spreading down his legs.
"Yeah, something like that."
They stared at each other for several long, silent moments. Sirius hadn't really seen him since the sorting, and certainly not up close since they had boarded the train. He'd changed out of his school robes, but was still their mother's son enough to not walk the corridors in his pyjamas. Sirius felt a little underdressed standing in his dressing-gown and socks.
"One of the older students said you wanted me?" he prompted, looking a little impatient. He had hardly said anything wrong, but Sirius couldn't help a twinge of annoyance. Couldn't he just want to see his little brother?
"Er, yeah, I suppose." Now that he was standing in front of him, he felt a little lost. Like they were estranged. As though they hadn't just spent the last few months (and before that, every memorable moment of their lives) together. Same wide grey eyes, same curly black hair, same pointy nose, but he could have sworn he was some kind of changeling. Right there, but far, far away.
"No hug?" he asked, and hated how pathetic it sounded coming out of his mouth. Regulus quirked his head to the side, as though he'd never heard of such a thing before.
Where was he? Where was the boy that had flung himself upon him at Christmas and sat on his bed, chatting until the early hours? Surely he wasn't the one standing right in front of him now, looking at him with detached interest.
"Why are you avoiding me?"
There. He'd said it.
Now there was nothing between him and the horrible answers.
You embarrass me.
I never liked you.
I couldn't wait to get away from you.
You let me down.
"Mother told me to."
Sirius choked. "You're joking. Mother actually told you to stay away from me? Your actual brother?"
Regulus shrugged in agreement. Sirius wanted to scream, but it was late, and he didn't want to give Regulus any more reason to avoid him. He stood, fists clenched, as the anger simmered down into something more manageable.
"How could she possibly dare to say that?" he muttered. Regulus tipped his head, hiding his eyes behind his hair - a move Sirius was all too familiar with. Usually it meant he was going to say something Sirius didn't want to hear.
"Well, she has every right to suggest what she wants. I'm not at home, so it's up to me to do what I like."
"Yes, but then you did avoid me!" Sirius said, frustrated. "And that's even worse! I never understand why you do this, why you do what she wants."
"I don't."
"You do."
Regulus scowled at him. It had always been hard for Sirius to take that scowl seriously. It was his little brother, after all. There was nothing threatening about a baby scowling.
"Well I'm here, seeing you now. After hours, too. I'm not just doing what she wants. And I'm not just doing what you want either!" Regulus stepped up to him. There was a good few inches of height between them, even though there wasn't much time. "I do what I want. Lucky for you when it's the same as what you want, and lucky for her when it's the same as Mother."
Sirius met his eyes, frowning back, lips pressed together.
His hands were still fists.
"But we're still brothers, right?" he asked. He wasn't pleased with how quiet it had come out. Regulus' face softened and he punched Sirius softly in the ribs.
"Of course. Always."
"Good."
The air between them was still strange, but at least it was easier to breathe now.
"It's cold out here."
Regulus was right. Autumn chill had set in and the stone did little to help. But it was late and there was nowhere to go. He didn't have James' cloak, so they could find a warmer spot to sit and catch up, but he didn't want to say goodbye and let the moment end.
He turned behind him to the Fat Lady.
"Um, excuse me."
The Fat Lady looked down at him, apparently bored.
"Remembered I'm here, have you?" she asked sarcastically.
"Er, yes. Sorry. I was wondering if someone who's not in the house can come in…"
The Fat Lady peered at Regulus, intrigued.
"Ooh! Is that a little Slytherin?"
"Yes." Regulus answered, honestly, smiling a winning smile up at her.
"Well, the thing about password protected areas, is that anyone with the password can get in, can't they?"
The brother's looked at eachother, and Sirius felt that same excitement grow that the two of them had had bubbling when they used to sneak into their father's study, or down into the kitchen after everyone had gone to bed for a midnight snack.
"Want to see the Gryffindor common room?" he asked, trying to keep the excitement off his face. Regulus eyed the Fat Lady.
"You won't tell on me?"
"I have better things to do." She assured him, sounding a little offended. Sirius leaned over and whispered the password to Regulus who repeated it proudly to the portrait. He watched, with a strange, fatherly sort of satisfaction, as Regulus cracked a grin at the sight of the common room - a special secret between him and his brother. Their own little crime against Mother.
It was late and, just as it had been when Sirius had left, almost deserted. A couple of fifth years hung about in a corner - but were much more interested in each other than they were in the two pre-teens. Looking at it with fresh eyes, it really was something to behold - especially for a lonely little Black. He'd almost forgotten the warm, bittersweet feeling of those first few weeks at Hogwarts that had filled him whenever he'd stepped inside. Delighted to enjoy it now, and simultaneously melancholic that he would never feel so warm and welcome at home.
"What do you think?"
Regulus had picked his way over to one of the tower windows and was peering down into the grounds.
"It's great! It's the total opposite to ours! I like the views."
Sirius tugged him over to one of the squashy sofas near the low fire so that he could warm his hands and feet. "What's yours like, then?"
Regulus looked around, and Sirius copied him, taking in the warm browns and reds, the tall windows and well-worn rugs.
"It's much neater," he said, thoughtfully. "It's sort of greenish, in the daytime - the windows look out into the lake. At night, when it's lit by fire, it's quite cosy." He bounced a little on the sofa, appreciatively. "It's not as comfy, though."
Sirius silently filed that as a win.
"So, how have you been getting on? Since I haven't seen you. Are the other Slytherins looking after you? You haven't had any trouble from our cousins, have you? And what about that Snape kid?"
"Our cousins never give me trouble," Regulus reminded him, a little smug. Sirius elbowed him. "But no, everyone's been alright. Is Snape the older student with the dark hair - he told me you were looking for me."
Ah, so he did pass on Lily's message.
"Yeah, that's the one."
"He's a bit weird."
Sirius laughed and apparently it was contagious, because Regulus started to giggle along with him.
"Yeah, you could say that. He's a right slimeball - but I suppose he did me a favour, so I should lay off him for a few days. What're your dorm-mates like, then? Hopefully no one Mother would like too much?"
"Angus and Barty." Said Regulus, after a moment of thought. Sirius suspected that he didn't have their names on the tip of his tongue. Regulus wasn't the most outgoing person he knew - perhaps because he hadn't needed to be. He'd always had Sirius to break the tension, or set the bar low. He wondered how his little brother behaved without him by his side.
"Can I have a smidgen of detail please, Reg?" he probed, smiling fondly. "Like, are you friendly? Are they funny? Anyone we know?"
Regulus played with the lock of hair behind his ear absently as he considered his dorm-mates. "Angus is annoying - and Barty is a bit, too. When they're together. Oh!" His head snapped up. "Mother wrote back after the sorting when I told her who I was with. She said Barty Crouch's dad might be Minister for Magic, one day."
Sirius choked. "Crouch?"
He'd heard of Barty Crouch - well, read of him - in plenty of newspaper articles. He worked for the Ministry, but he couldn't remember which department. That was another name that was often on his mother's lips.
"Yeah. I don't know what his dad's like, but his son is a bit weird, I think. He's always got his wand lit in the middle of the night, reading stuff."
"Sounds like Remus." Sirius commented, wryly.
"Who's Remus?"
Sirius sighed heavily. "I've told you about Remus, remember? In the holidays?"
Regulus looked blankly back at him. It was no surprise, of course. Names just seemed to go in one ear and out of the other. Apparently Sirius had been the only one to inherit his mother's knack for remembering every detail about another person's life.
"Well, he's in my dorm. It doesn't matter, don't worry about it, I was just joking. So, what else has Mother been saying?" Regulus looked at him suspiciously, but Sirius was genuinely interested. Not interested in following her advice, of course - more interested in purposefully doing the opposite.
"Well, she said about Crouch… and she said to do well in Potions but she didn't need to say that - I've always been better than you at potions-"
Sirius poked him.
"I'm right! Anyway, she said to remember to say hello to Bella and Cissy and um…" he trailed off thoughtfully. Sirius supposed he didn't really need to commit their mother's rambling to memory. Unlike Sirius, he seemed to effortlessly fall into her favour. "Oh, and she keeps talking about the Lestranges."
"Nothing new there," Sirius commented, dryly. Their mother had always been obsessed with the Lestranges. "Suppose she wants you and Rabastan to be best mates now that she's given up on me?"
"Yes. He's annoying though." Regulus yawned widely. "I'll be nice to him if it means keeping everyone happy, but I don't want to have to go around with him."
Sirius smiled, fondly. He was still there, under all the nonsense. Perhaps this was just who Regulus was without him in the picture.
"You're tired, right? Let's camp here."
Regulus sat up straighter at the offer. "Oh no, I have to go back to the dorm. The other boys will wonder-"
"Reg, look, it's past midnight. If you get caught, you'll be in way more trouble. Suppose they ask, just say you went to bed late and got up early?"
Regulus looked nervously at the portrait hole. The common room was empty now, and the fire was nearly out.
"What about your prefect?" he suggested, wringing his fingers together. Sirius snorted.
"Mo won't care. They probably won't even notice you're not one of our first years. Look, you can borrow my pyjamas, we'll sleep on the sofa, then you can go get your uniform after breakfast and before Defence. You'll be fine!" He stood up and stretched, grinning at his little brother. "Besides, what's the point of coming to Hogwarts if you aren't going to bend a few rules?"
One in the morning found the two brothers on the warmest, squashiest maroon sofa, huddled together under Sirius' covers that he'd snuck from the dorm back into the common room. It seemed, something about the familiarity of the space between sleep and waking and perhaps sleeping somewhere where he wasn't supposed to be, had Regulus back to his usual drowsy conversational topics.
"What do you think of the Giant Squid?"
"Do you reckon Slytherin really built a hidden chamber?"
"How do you become a ghost?"
Apparently Regulus' forgiveness was deeper than his own selfishness, he thought as he watched Regulus absently twirling his hair between his fingers as he dozed off.
"I'm sorry I'm a bad big brother."