Beep, beep, beep!
Kyle cracked his eyes open and reached over to hit snooze on his phone. Eyes shut and back to dreamland. Dreams of TV, games, movies, sports….
Beep, beep, beep.
Fuck. It felt like only thirty seconds had passed, and Kyle didn't want to get out of bed. He slapped the snooze button again and considered telling his mom he was too sick for school. Rolling over with a crash, all of the junk on his bed fell to the floor.
No, that wasn't junk.
Kyle groaned before he lifted off the quilt and looked over the mess he just made. His Xbox controller had fallen, the laptop hanging for dear life at the end of the bed and his iPad lying on the floor, screen down.
"Fuck!" Kyle grumbled as he climbed out of bed to survey the damage.
He flipped the iPad over to see a fine crack across the screen. Kyle squinted his eyes tight, this was annoying, and he was too tired to fix it. He managed to sneak the iPad after his parents tucked him into bed and lost a lot of sleep fucking around on the internet until the wee hours of the morning.
He was paying the price for it now.
Kyle heard a knock on his door, and then it opened before he could respond. His mother, Sheila Broflovski entered the room to find her son with the iPad in his hand.
"Honestly Kyle, you can play with your iPad later. You need to get ready for school, breakfast is almost ready."
"I'm not playing, ma. My iPad broke."
Kyle sheepishly showed her the crack on the screen which made his mom roll her eyes to the ceiling.
"I told your father you were too young for your own iPad, now you've gone and broken it, Kyle." Sheila scolded as she opened up Kyle's curtains and fretted around his room to grab clothes for him to wear to school that day.
Kyle felt like his mother was a bundle of nervous energy wherever she went. It wasn't that he was unappreciative, she did a lot for their family, but she could be overbearing at times…okay all the time. But he would be the first to come to her defense if someone, like Cartman, called her a bitch.
Kyle's mom was not a bitch, she just didn't know how to sit back and let things go. His mind fixed back to what his mom was going on about.
Sheila made a show of straightening up Kyle's room, picking up the game controller as well as some toys and clothes off the floor.
"And so I talked to your Aunt Roberta back in New York, and she told me her and your cousin Kyle don't even use electronics on Sundays. Just a day with them spending time with each other or pursuing interests without a screen to distract them from what's really important."
"Yeah okay, ma. Let me get dressed in peace, and I'll be right down. I think I can try and get the iPad fixed myself."
Kyle made sure the door was locked after his mom left and started getting dressed. He looked at his last discord messages with Stan and figured he probably fell asleep about 2am. It was going to be a rough day at school, but not like he hadn't gone without sleep before.
It was an uneventful breakfast, other than Kyle's mom making little comments about phones at the table as she put whole grain pancakes on Kyle's plate.
Kyle trudged out the door into the snow, breathing in the frosty morning air as he slapped himself a few times to keep stay awake. He walked in the opposite direction towards the little convenience store on the edge of the train tracks.
Kenny slammed the screen door to his rundown house as he slung his backpack over his shoulder and waved to Kyle.
"Hey dude, you needed my help?"
"I'm having a hard time staying awake, can you walk over to the shop with me so I can get one of those big energy drinks? Something I know my mom would kill me if I was caught drinking it."
Kyle walked along the train tracks with Kenny, their footsteps crunching in the freshly fallen snow.
"Yeah, like a distraction? Or we pretend we're older or what?" Kenny asked as he rubbed his stomach. Half a frozen waffle wasn't going to stick to his ribs that morning.
"Maybe. I need an energy drink, or I'm going to be falling asleep at my desk. I just know the store by your house won't ask questions or get word back to my mom."
Kyle slung the straps of his backpack over his shoulder as they walked to the little store.
Ziggy's Ciggys was a little rundown shabby dwelling standing apart from the rest of town. The front door bell chimed as Kyle and Kenny entered, both of them noticing the video camera right above their heads. Signs posted at the front said shoplifters would be shot and cops called after. The glass cases near the front held glass pipes and bongs, the shelf behind it aligned with various bottles of liquor. A scrawny man who looked like he hadn't showered in a week sat behind the register looking at a vintage Playboy magazine.
"Ah, May 1986. A classic." Kenny remarked as he led Kyle through the dusty shelves to the cooler in the back.
"You seem like the expert in this crappy place." Kyle remarked as he passed a shelf of old groceries, noting the thick layer of dust settled on the shelves.
Kenny shrugged. "My parents make me get beer for them all the time from here." He opened the cooler with a flourish to show a collection of energy drinks.
"Damn, didn't know there were that many." Kyle picks up a can, it's acid green in color and the label is in Russian. He shakes his head as he puts it back and then grabs a red can, but it has Japanese print on it.
"I don't know.. These aren't going to rot my teeth and stomach lining, right? I just want to make it through school."
Kenny grabs a drink and hands it over. It's a black can with a green logo. "Here this is in English and I see it around. I've had them and haven't died yet."
Kyle looks at the label. "Monster, okay I'll grab a few of these. Seems good, you want anything dude?
Kenny shrugged as he looked over the shelves and gas station food on a sticky looking warmer. "I know that guy won't sell us a titty magazine. Maybe I'll take a burrito if you don't mind."
"Yeah that's cool, Stan might want a monster too. Maybe get one for fatass, since he'll complain all day." Kyle grabbed an armful of cans as Kenny loaded up on food and took it to the front register.
Kenny was eating his burrito as Kyle reached to grab a Monster from his backpack full of energy drinks. He took a sip and made a face, but continued to drink, begging for the promise it would keep him awake during class.
"Hey dude." Kyle greeted Stan who was waiting at the bus stop and playing with his phone.
Stan yawned as he stretched his arms over his head. "Hey, how are you?"
"Tired. Don't yawn or I'll yawn. I got energy drinks for everyone to help us survive the day. We shouldn't have stay up that late playing games. I fucking dropped my iPad and now it has a crack and my mom bitched at me." Kyle complained as he went to hand Stan a Monster.
Stan held a hand up. "No way. I don't want one of those. Might give me a heart attack, or worse make me barf. But thanks for thinking of me."
"Oh, well Kenny, you want one?" Kyle asked.
Kenny grumbled as he tossed away the burrito wrapper.
"I guess. I need something to wash that burrito down. Wish it was a titty magazine."
"What?" Stan asked as Kyle handed over a Monster to Kenny.
Cartman approached the group, singing a little song that charted in the 80's. Just the sound of Cartman's voice was enough to cause psychic damage to Kyle's already tired and irritable mood. He took a deep breath and sipped on his Monster as he prepared for another day of being around someone so insufferable.
"Hey, Cartman." Stan said.
Kenny gave a little wave as Kyle sipped his drink. It didn't taste that bad, and did seem to do the trick of keeping him awake.
Cartman took one look at Kyle before his cheeks reddened and he burst into laughter. "Seriously, Jew? You're drinking that?"
"What about it, fatass? I'm tired today." Kyle snapped back as he took another drink. He crushed the can in his hand and reached into his backpack for another, causing Cartman to laugh even more.
"Goddamn, Kyle! You stupid Jew playing into stereotypes!"
"What does drinking Monster have to do with being Jewish?" Kyle said as he threw the empty can at Cartman who dodged it easily.
"Oh man, Kyle you live under a rock. You're serious? You don't know? Don't go punch some drywall after." Cartman laughed as he took his place in line at the bus stop.
Kyle opened his mouth to retort but the bus pulled up and the doors opened to let the kids in. Kyle tried to hide his Monster drink from the bus driver, but Mr. Venezuela never seemed to care and wouldn't yell at him like Miss Crabtree always did.
Kyle moved down the aisle and took a seat next to Stan. He sipped his drink, hoping it wouldn't make him sick as the bus' doors hissed closed. Turning around in his seat, he spotted Stan who was playing a game on his phone.
"Why is Cartman being so stupid?"
"When is he not being stupid?" Stan said, not looking up from his phone.
"He's being stupider than usual. What are you doing on your phone?" Kyle asked as he watched Cartman take a seat next to Butters. Cartman said something to Butters, who looked at Kyle and started to laugh as well.
"Playing a game. Terrance and Phillip Foggy Day. It's addicting, I can't stop playing." Stan said as he showed the loading screen to Kyle.
Kyle thought back to his mom complaining about being on the phone too much and how Stan was barely making eye contact with him. "Looks fun, maybe I'll download it so we can play together."
"Yeah totally. We can team up or go against each other." Stan said as he kept playing.
Kyle patted his jacket pockets, but no phone. He felt his pants pockets and then checked the front pocket of his backpack. "Fuck! I think I left my phone at home, or my mom took it when I wasn't looking."
"That sucks." Stan said as he played away. "Why would your mom take your phone?"
Kyle zipped open his backpack, trying to not let the energy drinks fall out. "I broke my iPad this morning and she was complaining about being on our devices too much. Goddammit."
Clyde popped his head over the seat in front of them and looked at Stan's phone. "Is that Fog Day? Hey add me, I'm trying to battle Celine Dion and need backup." His eyes wandered to Kyle stuffing the Monster cans into his backpack. He burst out laughing.
"Damn dude, just get back from motocross practice?" Clyde asked.
Kyle narrowed his eyes. "What the fuck are you talking about? Carmtan's been a dick to me all morning about it."
"Dude you haven't seen the Kyle memes going around? It's already an old meme at this point." Clyde says as he sat back down. "Didn't know you were so sensitive about it."
Stan closed his game and did a quick google search. "Oh damn, this is a whole meme. Has a page and everything."
Kyle moved to take a look at what Stan pulled up. He rolled his eyes. "I do not punch holes in walls and wear axe body spray. And today is the first time I've drank monster."
Stan shrugged as he went back to his game. "I dunno, you do get pissed off easily. Don't let Cartman bother you."
"Easy for you to say." Kyle grumbled as the bus came to a stop in front of South Park Elementary and the doors opened up.
Kyle did his best to get through the school day, the energy drinks making him more anxious than alert. He couldn't stop getting annoyed at Cartman snickering at him throughout the day, flicking little papers at him and saying the drywall was next. Putting his head down on his desk, he shut his eyes for just a moment.
"Kyle?" Mr. Garrison called out.
Kyle lifted his head to see what was going on in class, ignoring the snickers from Cartman and Butters as well for some reason. "Can you repeat the question?" He asked, rubbing his eyes.
Mr Garrison rolled his eyes and turned back to the board. "We were on our lesson about which mid century sitcom had the best piece of ass."
Kyle blinked as he looked at the choices Mr Garrison scribbled on the board. "Can I go with…Lucille Ball?"
"Wrong! The hottest piece of ass was obviously Dick York from Bewitched. I also would've accepted Robert Reed from the Brady Bunch." Mr Garrison turned his back to continue writing on the chalkboard.
"I bet you picked Lucille Ball since you're also ginger." Cartman whispered to Kyle who threw him the finger.
"I think since you students don't know anything about history I'm assigning an essay to everyone in class about television from the 50s to the 70s." Mr Garrison announced.
"Awww this is your fucking fault, Kyle." Cartman threw another piece of paper at him.
"Fuck off, Cartman! We were probably going to have to do it anyway!" Kyle yelled back and hit his desk with his fists.
"Oh watch out. Kyle's going to punch the drywall in front of everyone." Cartman laughed as Mr Garrison tried to get the class to calm down.
"Now class, I didn't want reports until this very moment so yes, you can blame Kyle for the extra homework." Mr Garrison paused as the bell rang. "And that's lunch, children. Hope Kyle doesn't make me assign more homework to you between now and the end of the day."
Kyle rolled his eyes as he got up, a few other students glaring at him as he walked in step with Stan and Kenny towards the cafeteria.
"God this day can't get any worse." Kyle grumbled as the group came up on Cartman talking loudly on his phone.
"But mom, I need you to pick me up from school." Cartman waited as he heard his mom's response. "I'm sick…I don't have to tell you why."
Kyle rolled his eyes as he got in line for a lunch tray. "Talks like that to his mom, my mom would never let me get away with it."
"Your mom is scary, dude." Stan said as he grabbed a tray as well.
"Don't talk crap about my mom." Kyle snapped.
Stan looked at him, slightly taken aback. "I'm not, just she can be overbearing. I know I get that with my dad."
The group got their food and sat down at a table, Cartman coming over to sit with them, a shit eating grin on his face. "My mom is coming to pick me up and take me to KFC."
"Good, leave. Might make the day turn around." Kyle snapped as he took a bite from his sandwich.
"Oh just you wait, Kyle. You're going to love it." Cartman smiled and reached over to pat Kyle on the cheek.
Kyle slapped his hand away. "What are you planning, fatass?"
"You'll see." Cartman smiled as the intercom called for him to be picked up. He got up and waved while singing again as he strolled out of the cafeteria.
Kyle looked at both his friends eating. "What's he up to now?"
Stan looked at him, pausing to chew. "I-I think I'm going to go eat with my girlfriend. Go do whatever you two always do."
"It's him! I didn't do anything." Kyle said, hitting the lunch table so it shook.
Stan grabbed his tray to get up.
Kenny shrugged and grabbed his tray. "I think I'm going to have lunch with Stan's girlfriend as well."
Kyle let out a groan and put his head down on the table, if he wasn't so annoyed he might have fallen asleep right there in the cafeteria.
The school day passed uneventfully, except for Kenny spontaneously combusting just as the bell rang.
Kyle walked home, noticing his mom's car was not out front. If he was home alone maybe he could get his phone and iPad back.
He entered his house and called out a few times. "Mom? Dad? Ike?"
No response. Kyle tossed his backpack to the side and kicked off his shoes to get comfortable. The exhaustion he'd felt at school had worn off by the end of the day. He trudged upstairs to his room to assess the damage from this morning.
His room had been ransacked, his mother the most likely culprit. The Xbox was gone, so was his iPad, Switch, laptop from his desk, even the charger for his phone was missing. It wasn't like Kyle was in trouble, he hoped. So why had his mom taken everything from his room? It felt like a horribly unjust punishment.
"It's okay, I'll keep my cool. Ask my mom when she gets home." Kyle told himself as he sat down on his bed. It bothered him that his mom didn't trust him, and that he was most likely grounded from his electronics. He heard a little chirp coming from the hall. Curious, he got up to look for it.
He opened the door up to the family office, noting his dad's computer was still plugged in, and started looking for wherever that annoying little chirp was coming from. Maybe his mom had hidden all of Kyle's electronics in the closet. Kyle stood on his tiptoes and felt along the top for anything familiar with his hands. Nothing. Other than that stupid chirp.
He turned around to see the webcam on his dad's computer had switched on and the screen saver was up. The recording light was blinking red, which unsettled him. He shivered and went over to shut down the computer. Maybe that was the source of the chirping.
Nope.
Kyle stepped out into the hall and looked up at the fire alarm. Maybe a battery had died and his parents missed it. He grumbled and went back to his room, eyes scanning his bookshelf for something to read to entertain himself until he got tired or his family came home.
He rummaged through the shelf and decided to pick up The Shining. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to read something spooky to try and fall asleep, but Kyle had been glued to the book lately. He kicked back on his bed and settled back to read, his ears fine tuned to when his mom or the rest of his family would be home. The incessant chirp kept irking him to the point that he might go crazy like Jack Torrance himself.
The click of wheels made Kyle look up from his book to see the household's roomba enter his room and start vacuuming the carpet. Of course, the beeping was from the little robot vacuum. Kyle set his book to the side and crouched down to check it out. He stopped when he spotted something small with a blinking red light taped to the roomba. He ripped it off and realized it was a little wireless camera.
"What the fuck?" Kyle said out loud as he looked up at a little toy helicopter flying above his head. It also had a camera attached to it. Kyle grabbed a baseball bat from his closet and took a swing at the helicopter. It flew out and dodged his attacks as Kyle followed it into the hallway.
Climbing up the stairs, he found a little toy dump truck with yet another camera attached to it. Kyle swatted the bat at the helicopter once more before he made his way downstairs to try and grab the truck. It was familiar, the same one his parents had to buy for Cartman. Cartman, he should have known he was behind this. The little truck charged forward, making prerecorded 'pew pew' sounds as yet another toy, a rocket ship buzzing around Kyle's kitchen, taking snapshots of him. The bright white flash of the camera blinded Kyle as a small plane zoomed around his head and he almost tripped over the truck.
"Goddamnit Cartman! What are you doing?" Kyle yelled as he shielded himself from another snapshot of the camera.
A little rocketship flew by his face as Cartman's voice taunted him through the microphone. "Kyle? What are you doing? Drinking more Monster?"
"Fuck off." Kyle took a swing at the new toy tormenting him with his bat as he reached the bottom of the stairs. The rocket ship dived past him and knocked over a vase on a shelf. "You're going to get me in trouble Cartman!"
"Oh I bet you're really scared of your mom, Kyle. Come on, I won't stop until I get a good video of you punching the drywall." Cartman's voice laughed through the speakers as the plane snapped another picture.
"Is that what this is about? Your stupid meme? Get the fuck out of my house." Kyle ran through the kitchen and flung open the sliding back door to try and get Cartman's stupid cameras out of his house. He managed to kick the little car out the door and tossed the camera from the Roomba after it. He swung again to try and make contact with the toys flying around his head but kept missing.
"Hey, don't do that! That's my car!" Cartman yelled back as he zoomed the little car at the Broflovski's back door. Kyle slammed it shut just as the car hit the bottom of the glass door, a tiny hairline crack forming on the door.
"Get the fuck out of my house!" Kyle raged as he tried to get the plane and rocket ship under control. He knew his dad had a fishing net somewhere in the basement, which might make it easier to get rid of these flying annoyances.
"Where are you going Kyle? You're making great content for me." Cartman taunted as he drove the plane towards Kyle to knock him off balance as he took more photos.
Kyle yanked open the door to the basement and clicked on the overhead light to see where his dad had put the fishing stuff. The basement was organized chaos, thanks to his mother never being fully satisfied with where everything should go in that part of the house.
Cartman laughed as he flew his rocket ship after Kyle, only for him to slam the basement door, causing the toy to bounce and rock on its side. "Hey asshole. You'll pay for that, that was one of my favorites!" Cartman yelled through the speakers.
Kyle tried to block out Cartman/s screeching voice as he combed through boxes in the basement for the net. He could hear Cartman's stupid toys bumping against the door, but he knew the basement door was solid and he was safe down there, at least for now.
Cartman sat at his computer and pushed himself back from the desk. He had three monitors set up with cameras and microphones to capture a livestream. His viewers were counting on him, and Kyle was being a real asshole right now. He considered his options as he flew his plane around the Broflovski's living room while coming up with new ways to torment Kyle.
Through his camera he could see something hidden along the wall behind a picture of the Broflovski family. With the cameras focusing on the wall, Cartman used the rocket ship to bump and push the picture until it came down with a crash. He panned the airplane's camera to see a nice open vent to slip into the wall.
Kyle heard the crash and the sound of broken glass coming from the living room. Angry that he couldn't do anything at the moment, he opened up another box to find anything to get rid of Cartman's toys. One of them held a bunch of hanukkah decorations, another filled with baby clothes belonging to either him or Ike, yet another filled with his dad's dolphin collection.
Kyle's rage was overflowing, his iPad broken, his mom getting him into trouble, her annoying organization where he can't find what he needed, and fucking Cartman. The constant harassment day to day had now infiltrated his home. He caught sight of something rattling around in the walls. A rat? No, worse, Cartman was in his walls. Not really, since he was so fat, but his toys were peeking at him through the vents of the basement. Cartman's irritating laugh echoed through the pipes.
"Fuck this." Kyle grabbed one last box, finally finding the fishing net as another snapshot of him flashed from the vent.
"Kyle, you can't get me." Cartman laughed.
"Fine, you want me to punch the wall? I will. Get over here!" Kyle turned the net around and used the handle to try and knock the plane off balance.
"Hey, Kyle! Watch it, that's expensive!" Cartman griped as he watched his stream go crazy now that Kyle was fighting back.
"Fuck you, Cartman!" Kyle found a screwdriver and pried the vent open to try and get at the plane. He stuck his head in, but it was pitch black as plaster and dust fell into his face. He sneezed a few times as he tried to thread the net into the hole to grab the rocket ship as it bounced around. The stick didn't quite fit, so Kyle forced it, causing another sprinkle of plaster to fall on him as a crack formed in the wall. Kyle's eyes widened as the crack kept crawling up the wall and getting bigger.
Kyle stopped, his heartbeat in his throat as he assessed the damage he did to the basement wall. His mother was going to kill him, he was already on thin ice with the broken iPad, and now the wall was ruined. Things couldn't get any worse. He scooted back out of the vent to gauge the damage. The crack was halfway up the wall, and Cartman's toys were still flying around, banging from the inside.
"Stop it, Cartman! You're going to make it worse! Get the fuck out. You won, now take your toys and go home!" Kyle yelled as he watched the crack grow larger as the rocket ship kept tap, tap, tapping on the inside.
Then a clink. Then silence.
The house started to shake and Kyle looked around quickly before bolting to dive under the stairs as the wall gave way and collapsed into the rest of the basement. He kept his hands firmly on his head as he felt an aftershock as the first floor of the living room caved in as well. He coughed and waited for the dust to settle before peeking at the damage between his fingers.
The first floor of his house had caved into the basement. Next to him was the couch and the TV, which was smashed, his mom's fine china littering the floor in tiny pieces. Kyle hesitated to get out of his hiding spot in case there was an aftershock as he heard Cartman's voice bitching through the microphone.
"You owe me a new plane, asshole. Replace all my toys and my cameras!" Cartman yelled through the speaker.
"You owe me a whole fucking house, fatass!" Kyle yelled back and he finally came out from under the stairs. He was grateful for the stairs being solid if the cheap plaster of his walls could fall so easily. He was pissed at Cartman for ruining his home for a joke-, but he was more terrified of how his parents when they saw their home was destroyed.
Cartman threw his headset across the room. His view of Kyle's torment had been cut off, and that asshole had destroyed some of his very expensive toys. He looked at his chat going crazy with people asking what happened. Rolling his eyes, he opened up his video editing software. He wanted to get his meme out there, if Kyle wasn't going to give his toys and equipment back. Cartman wouldn't let him get away with it.
Sheila Broflovski stepped out of her immaculately clean home to take Ike to an appointment and pick up some groceries. She held her youngest son in one arm, carrying a few bags in the other. She knew immediately something was wrong when she saw the front door on its hinges, and her older son sitting in the pile of rubble.
"Kyle!" Sheila said loudly, her tone coming out more angry than concerned for her son's well being. "What happened to the house? Are you okay?"
Kyle wiped dust from his face and clothing as he finally crawled up through the debris to see his mom standing in the front yard, his younger brother in her arms."Mom! Cartman destroyed our house!"
"Kyle, what do you mean? Where is he? What did he do?" Sheila yelled as she dropped her groceries and purse and let Ike down to help Kyle up.
Kyle held back tears as his anger matched his moms as he tried to explain what had just happened. Ike meanwhile, toddled over to Sheila's purse to grab her phone. He picked up the front page of YouTube to catch up on his favorites before he held up the phone.
"Mama, Kyle is a YouTuber!"
"What, what, what?" Shelia shrieked as she turned away from Kyle to see what Ike was watching.
Kyle peeked over his little brother's shoulder as he and his mom watched a poorly cut together video of Kyle drinking Monster, being angry, and the house eventually collapsing.
Sheila looked at her older son in shock. "Kyle? You destroyed our home to make a YouTube video?"
"No, mom! Cartman did! No I didn't mean it like that. I'll start from the beginning-" Kyle was cut off by his mother's yelling.
"You've been on the internet and computers too long and now look what you've done, Kyle! That's it, both of you need a break from all the technology." Sheila took the phone out of Ike's hands as she angrily texted her husband.
"Mom? What do you mean? Am I grounded? Is Ike grounded? Where are we going to go?" Kyle hated when his mom got like this. Bad things happened when Sheila Broflovski wanted to stand up for something.
Sheila turned her back on her kids as she tried to text her husband about what just happened. She texted again, then again, then she called his cell. Nothing.
"Mom, am I grounded?" Kyle asked again.
No response.
"Mom, is Ike grounded?" Kyle asked again, not sure what his mother was doing, grumbling over her phone.
Finally Sheila called Gerald's office and he picked up. "Gerald, something terrible has happened? I couldn't get a hold of you…what's the point of having your cell phone if you're not going to answer when I call you? What if one of the boys was sick or hurt?" Sheila was quiet for a bit as Gerald talked back to her.
Kyle's eyes darted from the large hole in his living room floor, to his little brother who's short attention span was making him play with the hem of his shirt, to his increasingly pissed off mother. Finally Sheila hung up and looked at the phone in her hand.
"It used to feel so much better to slam a receiver down after a difficult conversation." Sheila said more to her hand than to her sons.
"Huh? Does that mean I'm in trouble?" Kyle asked once again.
"I'll have to discuss it with your father. Take your little brother, Kyle. We're going to stay in a hotel until we figure this out." Sheila said as she bent over to pick up the dropped groceries.
Sheila was pissed off, but a bit too calm for what Kyle was used to. It felt even weirder than when his mom was yelling. Like the punishment would be worse than what he imagined. He wanted to text Stan to get his opinion, but of course his phone was in the rubble pile that sat in the middle of his house. Not like anyone had even asked if Kyle was okay. Kyle didn't even ask himself that as he followed his mom out to the car.
The South Park Best Western was the nicest hotel in town. Sheila had checked the boys and herself in and then got on the phone with the insurance company, leaving Kyle alone to entertain Ike. Kyle was getting more annoyed with his mom being so cryptic, his lack of a phone, and contact from the outside world. He switched on the TV in the hotel room but was promptly scolded by his mom to shut it off.
"Ugh this sucks, mom. It's not my fault, it's Cartman's fault, and I think you're treating me unfairly." Kyle sulked on the bed as he crossed his arms.
Sheila looked up from her paperwork and the mess of phone calls she was making to glare at her son. "You sit right there young man and think about what you've done. No technology since you and your brother are absolutely addicted to it. When I was a girl in Jersey, me and your Aunt Roberta would play outside all day. Once it was sunset, we would go home for dinner. Those were the good old days."
Kyle felt his concentration glaze over as he was about to go onto one of his mom's famous guilt trips that might turn into a crusade if he wasn't careful. "Mom, I do play outside with my friends all the time. I just have a phone to text if I'm going to be late for dinner, or stranded in Peru, or outer space."
Sheila got up and took her glasses off and then started to pace and rant. "That's another thing, you and your friends are so reckless. We're homeless now because you wanted to make your little online video. No respect. We respected our elders back when I was young."
Ike climbed up on the bed to sit next to Kyle, mimicking his slouched pose. "It's an old meme." Ike said, looking at his brother.
Kyle rolled his eyes. "I wasn't doing anything but defending myself. Why don't you believe me, mom?"
"Don't talk back, Kyle. You're setting a bad example for Ike." Sheila stopped pacing and looked at her son. "There are going to be some major changes around here."
There was a knock at the door and then Gerald Broflovski entered the room, holding his briefcase and a few bags of fast food. He set everything on the desk and went to hug his wife. "Hi honey, hi boys. Is everyone okay?"
"No." Kyle pouted. "Mom isn't listening to me!"
"Not another word out of you, young man." Sheila scolded as she went to help her husband unload the food. "Kyle is being very disrespectful and setting a bad example for Ike. I think we should cut down on technology until our boys shape up."
Gerald reached for a handful of fries as he sat down on the bed. "Yes, whatever you think is best for the boys."
Sheila set out Ike's kiddie meal as she sat her younger son at the desk. "I feel awful having to serve this food to you, boys. Back in my day, your grandma Cleo would cook everything from scratch."
"Yes I agree." Gerald said as he unwrapped his burger and took out his phone to check it.
"Furthermore, things were so much better when I was a child. We would say hello to our neighbors every day, there was less crime, curse words were unheard of. Those were the days." Sheila said as she finally sat down to eat after everyone else was served.
"Mom, I said I was sorry." Kyle started again but was ignored.
The Broflovski family ate in silence for a moment before Gerald put his phone to the side and went to reach for the tv remote, but Sheila stopped him.
"I know how to get our boys to appreciate what they have and find a solution of what to do while our home is being repaired."
Kyle looked up from his burger. "What, mom?"
"I think our entire family will give up technology and return to a simple life. Give you boys a taste of the childhood me and your father experienced." Sheila continued as Gerald looked up from his phone.
"Mom, no you can't do that." Kyle complained. "Don't punish the whole family for something Cartman did!"
"Yeah, why do I have to give up technology as well?" Gerald said.
Sheila held out her hand. "Gerald, give me your phone. We have to be role models for our kids. Protect them from technology and let them experience a simpler time like what we had when we were young."
Gerald hesitated, his eyes meeting Ike's then Kyle's who looked very upset. He finally handed his phone over to his wife.
"Excellent. Now we can start fresh tomorrow when we find a new place to live." Sheila said smugly, very satisfied with herself.