Chapter 9

"Michael say something" Nikita was starting to get worried. Michael just stared at the pregnancy test. She had been so nervous about his reaction and his silence was not helping right now.

"I-" Michael couldn't say anything. He just leapt out of his chair and lifted Nikita from her seat. She giggled and embraced him too. Nikita got scared there for a second. She didn't know why. They had talked about the possibility of starting a family. Michael was always so positive and supportive about it so why would he have a negative reaction? Nikita just excused it as her anxiety talking. Of course, Michael would be over the moon with the news. He couldn't stop smiling and crying which was exactly what she had been doing for the past week.

"When..? How…?" Michael asked out of breath. He couldn't even form a sentence. The joy that filled him when Nikita said those three words couldn't be described. They had talked about starting a family a lot for the past year and made some decisions in that direction. Nikita had gotten off birth control about 7 or 8 months ago. They both decided that it was best not to put pressure on themselves. If it happened it happened.

"Well, I don't think I need to explain how…" Nikita teased and wiped her own tears. She knew what Michael meant but she adored the fact that he was so unbelievably happy that he couldn't even think. Michael laughed and kissed her senselessly. That was all he could do. They were going to have a baby. He was going to have the opportunity to raise a child with the love of his life for a second time. Not many people got that. He was one lucky guy.

When he finally managed to pull away enough to speak Michael asked her properly "When did you find out? Did you know before you left?"

"Of course not. I would have told you if I did. Just sit down and I'll tell you everything" She had so much to tell him.

"Okay…let me look at that again. Oh my god…" Michael sat down and pulled Nikita into his lap. No way was he letting go of her. He then reached for the abandoned pregnancy test on the table and had another look at it.

"I took like twenty no joke before I went to the doctor and-"

"You went to a doctor already? How far along are you?" Michael was so confused. He was spitting out questions every second. Nikita had to shut him up and distract him with kisses.

"Stop for a minute and I will explain from the beginning" She whispered over his lips. "Okay, but I just have one more very important question. Just this one"

"Okay, just one" Nikita chuckled. She would take that if it meant answering the other million ones later after telling him everything.

"Do you feel okay?" Michael asked concerned. Nikita looked at him like he was insane and busted laughing. "What? That is your very important question."

"What? The first trimester is really hard. I want to make sure you're alright" Nikita kissed him again. Her ever-considerate Michael.

"I am happy" She was feeling sick, tired, anxious, and hormonal but above all else she was happy. Fucking terrified but so so happy. She didn't even know that you could feel those two things at the same time but apparently, you could. She didn't mind it one bit.

Her answer satisfied Michael and relieved him. He knew how scared Nikita was of becoming a mother. So the fact that she was happy despite all her fears and traumas made him happy too.

"Okay now go" Michael was starting to feel really impatient. He wanted to know everything.

"Remember when I texted you that I didn't feel well on the plane" Michael nodded. He had felt worried that she might have gotten sick just before her trip. It didn't even cross his mind that it could have been something else.

"Yes but you just said that you didn't feel well" Nikita had not given him details in her text.

"Well, I threw up on the plane. I thought it was air sickness because I started feeling nauseous as soon as the plane took off and when we landed I was completely fine. Then Alex picked us up from the airport and I got sick on the side of the road again. Sonya agreed with me that it could have been motion sickness. Alex directly asked me if I had missed my period"

"Wait, did you miss your period?" Michael had completely forgotten about that part. Usually, Nikita told him whenever she missed her period.

"Yeah I was like a week late" Nikita mumbled.

"But that was before you went to Greece. Why didn't you tell me?" Michael could tell there was something Nikita was hesitant to share.

"Every time my period was even a day or two late I kind of would get my hopes up and tell you then it would come which meant I wasn't pregnant. I would get sad, you would get disappointed. I guess I just started to think there was something wrong so I just decided not to get excited anymore"

"Hey, hey, look at me" Michael cradled her face and locked his eyes with hers. "I was never disappointed in you. I will never be disappointed in you. I was sad because I knew you were. I don't ever want you to think about disappointing me. You could never do that. You hear me"

"Okay" Nikita murmured and pecked his lips. "Now please continue" After getting that all cleared up Michael had to seriously stop interrupting her. He was getting annoyed with himself but he just couldn't stop. His mind was going a million miles per hour.

"I was so sure I wasn't pregnant so I ignored Alex and listened to Sonya instead. After we arrived I was completely fine. Didn't feel nauseous or anything for the rest of the day. Then came the next day when we started driving around when I got sick again. Katya began to ask me as well if there was a chance I was pregnant. She said a mother could always tell the signs or something" They both laughed cause it turned out Katya was right.

"Did you still think you were not pregnant at that point?"

"Yes" Nikita laughed at herself. She had been really stubborn about it. "I didn't actually believe it until that same night when I got sick from the smell of Alex's weird sandwich that she made. The next day so on the 25th" She remembered that date. It was a special one. "Alex and Sonya convinced me to get a pregnancy test so we did. I took it and within a few seconds, it said Pregnant. "

Nikita started to tear up as she remembered that moment. It was like nothing else she had felt before. Her first initial reaction was to jump up and down and scream. She finally felt worthy of being a mother. After those last few months of secretly hoping it was actually true then.

Michael got emotional as well and hugged her tightly. "How did you feel?"

"I screamed Take that you bitches then laughed, cried and ran around"

Michael couldn't even hold his laughter for her to finish. "What did you scream that for?" He had an idea but wanted to hear her say it.

"To every woman that made me feel like I would be the most terrible mother in the world. I mean I still think that sometimes but…" She suddenly got quiet.

"But what?"

"In that moment I truly felt like I deserved it. That it will all be okay. That it was the right time. It just- It just all felt right" Michael beamed when he heard that. Finally! he thought. Nikita finally saw and felt what he did every day. She was going to be an amazing mother and she fucking deserved to be a mother.

"It will be okay. As long as we're together we'll face it all. A newborn that doesn't sleep, a toddler that screams just because, a rebellious teenager and so on. I am so happy, grateful and lucky to be doing that with you. " He sealed his words with a kiss and rocked her gently.

"There is more" Nikita sighed. Michael got worried and tensed. "Calm down nothing is wrong"

"I took like 10 more tests and they all came back positive which obviously meant I was pregnant but that didn't calm me down. After some time I started to worry that if something was wrong I wouldn't know until I came back home"

"Why did you think something could be wrong? Did something happen?" Michael started to wonder what could have caused all those negative thoughts. Nikita was strong and healthy. She took good care of herself.

"I-I started reading things and-"

"You read something bad and then continued reading" Michael understood Nikita's curiosity but she had to have someone with her if she wanted to research something like that. It was easy to get into a hole on the internet with traumatic pregnancy or birth stories.

"I know I shouldn't have" In her defense, she really did try to avoid the negative stories but some had no warning.

"It's okay. How about I read what you want to read beforehand? That way you won't give your anxiety more material."

"That is probably a good idea" Nikita easily agreed. She had read enough to scare her for a lifetime.

"So you went to a doctor?"

"Yes. Katya helped me book an appointment. I had a blood test first to confirm that I was pregnant. You called me while they were drawing my blood actually"

"Was that why you didn't answer my call that morning?" Michael was starting to put the pieces together.

"Yes and I told you we were running errands with Katya" Nikita chuckled. She had felt so bad about lying but there was no way she was going to tell Michael that she was pregnant then.

"So you had an appointment that day?"

"Yes, after the results came back they did an ultrasound. They let me hear the heartbeat and see the baby. I mean it's only a little dot now but still. It's our dot."

"Aww, I love that. Our dot" Michel chuckled and kissed her excitedly. It was so adorable. He couldn't wait to experience seeing their baby on that little screen together.

"They said that everything looked perfect. They didn't print photos though. I really wanted to show you but don't get sad. We have an appointment on Friday with my doctor here" That was another surprise Nikita had for Michael.

"Wait really? This Friday? Like the day after tomorrow?" Michael would have jumped from his chair had Nikita not been in his lap.

"Yes. I emailed her my blood tests and everything. She sent me to get more blood work done so we have to do that tomorrow before we go in on Friday" Nikita had been so anxious that she had talked to her doctor the day she found out.

Michael had no words. He was so overwhelmed with all those amazing news. He started to tear up again. "Don't. No more tears. I want a smile. My special smile" The smile he only had for her.

Michael laughed and rewarded her with a gorgeous cheeky smile. He couldn't hold it for long though "Was that why you were so anxious the past few days?" Suddenly all her recent panic attacks made sense. She had been going through so much on the inside. He felt guilty about not being able to be there for her.

"Yeah, but I had you to make it better" Nikita could instantly tell what Michael was thinking. She wouldn't have that. Michael had nothing to feel guilty for.

"Do you feel better now?" He appreciated her reassurance but he could have done more. Trying not to dwell on that too much he focused on her and on making sure she was alright now. There was no point in thinking about something that had already happened.

"Yeah, especially now that you know" That was a huge weight lifted off her shoulders. She no longer had to hide how she felt or pretend in front of him.

"We'll be okay. We got this" Michael knew he and Nikita were going to create a wonderful little family together and he was so looking forward to it so much " We are having a baby!" Michael attacked Nikita with kisses. "I love you so much"

"I love you too. Now put it on so I can wear mine too" Nikita took the bracelet from the table and handed it to Michael. He had completely forgotten about it. "Wait. You didn't tell me how far along you were? March? Is that when the due date is?"

"I'm 6 weeks now. 7 weeks on Friday. The doctor in Greece said end of March-beginning of April so we could switch them out if it's in April but he was betting more on March"

"And you have the same one?"

"Here" Nikita reached over the table and grabbed her clutch. She pulled out the same kind of box that she had given him and opened it. Inside was the same bracelet as his. "It was Katya's idea actually. After it was certain I was pregnant she took me to a jewelry shop and said that I should get something to remember it. That way I would have something special to get me through the whole pregnancy and remind me of the day I found out. She said that when she had found out she was pregnant with Alex her mother did the same." It was really sweet and thoughtful of Katya to do that.

"I love it." Michael got her and his bracelet out of the boxes. "Come on, I want to wear it" Nikita beamed from his excitement. As soon as she saw the bracelets side by side in the jewelry store she instantly thought of them. It was the perfect way to tell him.

She helped him put it on and he did the same in return. "They look so good" Michael just stared, still amused and shocked.

"Surprised you huh?" Nikita quipped. She had been the same when she first found out. It was Michael's turn now.

Michael laughed "God. You know you win. No one can ever top that present"

Nikita proudly smiled.

"Wait, so who knows exactly?" Michael wanted to scream to the whole world that he was going to be a father again and get to raise a child with Nikita.

"Alex, Sonya and Katya. You can be the one to tell the guys if you want. I told the girls to keep it a secret" Alex and Sonya had been overjoyed so Nikita couldn't wait to see the reactions of the rest of her family.

"Can't wait" Michael and Nikita were so grateful to have such an amazing and loving family. Their child was already so loved. Their baby was also probably going to be the most protected child in the world but they wouldn't dare complain about that. The world was cruel so having so many loved ones who were former spies was a huge plus.

The rest of the evening was filled with so much joy, laughter, stolen touches and passionate kisses. The world stopped for Michael and Nikita in those few hours. It was just them in their little bubble.

1st September, Thursday

2:37 am

Nikita had just fallen asleep after their last round of lovemaking. Nikita and Michael couldn't get enough of each other. It was a mix of missing each other so much and being so overjoyed. Nothing could separate them.

While Nikita was peacefully sleeping wrapped up in his arms, Michael was starting to come down from his high and reality was hitting him hard. His plans had drastically changed. As soon as he had seen the pregnancy test he had forgotten about everything else. Michael was supposed to talk to her about the Carters and Brian Miller after dinner but that had been replaced by way more pleasant news. It's like everything else disappeared when Nikita told him she was pregnant. It had been bliss.

Now he was awake freaking out about what he was going to do. In just a few hours they would have to get up and go do some blood tests. It seemed wrong to burden Nikita with anything at the moment. Michael could tell how anxious she was about the pregnancy. Maybe he should wait at least until after their doctor's appointment on Friday.

Michael didn't like it but it didn't seem like he had another option. He had to choose the right moment to talk to her to avoid causing harm to her or their baby. Huge amounts of stress during pregnancy were very dangerous, especially in the early stages. God, his head was going to explode.

He carefully untangled himself from Nikita and went to their bathroom. Maybe he could get some sense into him by splashing his face with water. There was no way he was getting any sleep that night. How could he? Michael had gotten himself into such a mess and he was having a hard time seeing a way out of it.

Nikita screaming snapped him back into the present. He rushed back into the bedroom. "What happened? Are you okay?" Michael looked around the room searching for any danger. There was nothing. Just Nikita sitting on their bed shaking. He carefully approached her "Nik, it's okay. You're safe" Nikita leapt into his arms "Shh, it's okay, my love. I'm here" From the state she was in and the tossed sheets on the floor Michael could tell what had happened. Nightmares. Sadly they were never going to go away. They always managed to creep up when they least expected it.

"It was…it was really real and…" Nikita struggled to draw a full breath.

"Shhh, it's not real. This is real. You and me right now. Safe and together. That is real" Michael whispered in her ear and laid kisses on her temple. He reached and turned his bedside lamp on to help her wake up. She flinched in his arms startled by the light. "It's okay, it's okay"

That must have been one horrible nightmare if Nikita was in this state. It took her a few minutes to take control of her breathing and stop shaking. When she seemed more settled Michael reached for his water bottle that he had luckily left on his bedside table. He wouldn't dare to leave her right now even for one second.

Nikita gladly took it. She started taking huge gulps of water, hoping that it would help calm her down. "Slowly, baby" Michael didn't want her to choke after she had just started to breathe normally.

"I'm fine…Just a bad dream" She wasn't sure if she was saying that to Michael or to herself. Honestly, they both needed some reassurance. "I'm sorry I scared you"

"Don't say that. I'm glad you're okay. It was just a dream" Michael wrapped her in his arms and held her tightly. Nikita snuggled into her husband happily. "Why are you up? It's still dark outside. What time is it?" Nikita had just now realised that Michael hadn't been by her side when she woke up from her nightmare. He had ran to her from their bathroom. She wouldn't have thought twice about it but Michael looked awake and alert. Too much for a person who had just woken up to go to the bathroom. Even she wasn't that awake and she had a nightmare.

"I couldn't fall asleep." Michael kept it simple. It was the truth. He just wouldn't tell her what was keeping him up. He couldn't. Not right now. Nikita was clearly going through a lot. Her nightmares were always worse when she was stressed or anxious.

"What was the dream about?" Talking always helped in these situations. "I don't want to talk about it. It was just a dream. I want to forget it" Nikita had no intention of recalling it and saving it in her mind. "Let's just lay down and go to sleep"

"Okay. Let me shut the lights off in the bathroom and I'm coming" Nikita nodded and untangled herself from Michael. She fixed their duvet and eagerly waited for Michael.

"Okay, come here" He was quick to return back to her. They lay down and face each other all wrapped up in the other's arms. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah. But don't leave me again"

"Promise" He pecked her lips and started running his fingers gently through her hair. She was out seconds after that. That trick always worked on her. Michael was yet left with his many thoughts. He was so lost on what to do. Birkhoff was going to be in Ireland for 3 more days. He didn't have anyone to confide in. He was frustrated that he couldn't even let himself be happy. He was starting a family with Nikita. That was such a dream come true. It had to come first. Whatever he did from now on was going to be with that in mind. Everybody else be damned. He wouldn't let anything or anyone hurt Nikita or their baby.

Honestly, I have no idea why this chapter took me so long. I am sorry for the wait. Thank you so much for all your lovely reviews and messages! I appreciate you guys so much xx