Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer
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Where the Lines Overlap
All We Know
~~ Edward ~~
Proof
I wake up releasing a gush of air. My heart is thundering.
Is it always gonna be like this?
I've dreamt about him again…
I turn my head to my left side, to my bedside table, needing to look at it. The picture to which I wake up every morning, the one to which I stare until I fall asleep every night.
We're together in it, sixteen-year-old boys under an Oak tree, arms on each other's shoulders, broad smiles on our lips. He looks forward, his eyes glinting with mischief, while I look at him as if nothing else around us matters.
I sigh.
How much longer will I be able to keep this?
It's been so long since I realized I love him, I've been through so much that sometimes it seems like a whole lifetime… and I still don't have a clue about what to do with it.
In addition to this, there's this strange aura that's been involving my relationship with Jazz for months. I can't really put a finger on it, but there's something different in the way he's been acting around me, like he's hiding something from me…
When he's not reticent and distracted, he's on edge, fretful with no apparent reason, and tense with the minor of things, especially when we're alone. We've been doing the same things we've always done, interacting somewhat normally, but something is off… and he's not opening up to me like he's always done which makes me think that, whatever the problem is, it regards me.
And the worst seems yet to come…
In less than two months we'll be moving out of our houses to live in another city, in another state, far away from everybody we know. We'll live in the same apartment, we'll share a home, a routine, a life, 24/7… together. Only the two of us.
How will I put up with this?
"Son? Are you awake?"
I look at the door to see my father standing there. As soon as our eyes meet, his gaze becomes a little analytical. He's gauging my mood.
"G'morning, Dad." I say with a sigh. He comes slowly to my bed and sits by my side.
"Morning. Are you alright?" He has this slight crease on his forehead, so I know he's worried.
"You don't have to worry, I'm okay." I know I sound a little off, but what's new? "I'm just thinking about all these changes and how I'll deal with them."
"You're worried about the moving." He didn't ask, he knows me well.
"A little." I admit. "I mean, we'll be alone, and we'll be under the same roof. I'm really afraid of myself and what I may do."
"You already know what I think you should do."
"I've been considering it… and I've also weighed my options."
"Options?" My dad is clearly confused, which is not common.
"If I tell him, and he reacts… badly…" I shrug as if it's nothing, but on the inside, I shudder at the possibility. "I have a… backup plan."
"You have?" I nod and he frowns. "What are you talking about, Edward?"
"College."
It's clear that my father is not happy with the path I'm taking. But as usual, he waits patiently for me to clarify.
"Remember the Oxford proposition?" I kinda murmur, knowing well what he thinks about me moving to another country.
I can see he's holding back some emotion and some words he doesn't want to share with me, at least not for now. My father is very reasonable, so he usually thinks a lot before he says something, especially if there's a possibility of him regretting it later or hurting somebody.
"I hope you don't feel like you have to resort to this." He says, his voice controlled, linear. "Aren't you late?" And he changes the subject, not at all subtly, which indicates he's a little upset.
I look at my watch.
"Not really. It's too early, he's still sleeping."
"I thought you wanted to surprise him." He speaks while getting up. I follow him after stretching a bit.
"He found out about the party two days ago." I explain dejectedly. "But, yeah. I think waking him up and being the first one to wish him happy birthday will be a good idea."
My dad nods while smiling slightly.
"I'm gonna make us some breakfast. Your mother has already left for work."
And with that I'm alone. I go straight to the bathroom to get ready as fast as I can. Suddenly I'm anxious to see him again, even though not even 14 hours have passed since the last time we saw each other.
What can I do? I miss him already.
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.
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"Thanks, Missus Hale." I smile at her as I climb up the stairs.
It has never been a problem to come and go at the Hale's house. I've been coming here since I was a baby, and I've always been treated like a part of the family. My presence became even more common once I was able to walk around alone, when I was eleven, and Jasper's parents always welcomed me with open arms and warm smiles. But I am still very respectful to them, like my mother taught me to be with everyone, so no chance of barging into Jay's room without the proper permission from his mother.
It's kind of a tradition, having breakfast at his house, with his family, on his birthday. I am the only one allowed to do so just 'cause the Major likes me like a son, as he so many times told me.
Waking Jay up, on the other hand, is not. He actually hates it whenever I do that, but I am willing to face his cranky mood just for the sake of being the first one to wish him a happy birthday.
Tip-toeing my way to his bed, I focus my attention on the asleep boy lying all tangled up in sheets.
Fuck, he's beautiful!
I've always thought that Jazz seemed like those perfect characters from a fairy tale. He has flawless physical traits, he's tall, even though he's shorter than me, he has a lean but strong, defined body, his face is masculine and yet composed of such delicate features… everything adorning a pure soul and such a good heart…
He's the perfect definition of a prince charming.
And that's how I've always considered him in my mind. In my deeply in love mind. A prince. My prince charming.
I smile and shake my head to myself, realizing how cheesy my thoughts are. But, well, I'm madly in love with him, my too-damn romantic musings are very understandable. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
I stop five feet away from him, just trying to catch my breath, just impelling my heart to calm down a bit, taking a minute (or maybe three) to admire him freely.
Kneeling beside the bed and controlling my breathing, so I won't wake him up before it's convenient, I contemplate his angelic features calmly.
The tips of my fingers tingle with the urge to glide over his smooth creamy skin. I want to touch and count the rare freckles he has on his cheeks and nose, and the faint ones on his neck and shoulders. I want to kiss each one of them…
My eyes set on his slightly muscular shoulders. Good thing he always sleeps shirtless… when he's alone, that is.
And then my gaze follows each defined muscle in his flawless chest. The sparse golden hairs he has there make his skin almost glint and I bite my lower lip. Hard. It's all I can do not to give in to my crazy desire and touch him.
I sigh heavily and try not to ogle his body. It's impossible to keep a straight face doing that. So, instead, I concentrate on his hair now.
I love it. Okay, I love everything about him, I love him, but his hair is something special. And I love that it's longer… I love the way it flows over his left temple and falls softly on his cheek.
Sometimes, when it falls over his gorgeous eyes, he jerks his head slightly, unconsciously, to push it away. It always makes me dazzled, and I usually have to scold myself a little before I start drooling…
Every single one of those times he does that I wish I could just do it for him. Like now… I want so much to feel those waves flowing between my fingers… I want to push them away and reveal more of his perfect face…
I want to simply touch him.
I remain on my knees but I straighten up a bit, so my waist is level with the mattress. I swallow hard, asking myself if I'm really gonna do what I've just decided to do.
I know Jay is a heavy sleeper, and that if I'm subtle enough I'll be able to do it without waking him up.
So, against my better judgment, I risk raising my hand slowly, holding my breath all the while, and slide my fingers through the hair strands that are partially covering his face.
To my utter surprise, he hums. I stop mid-caress, afraid to have woken him up. But he doesn't open his eyes, and his breathing is still even, so I know he remains asleep.
I continue the movement, as subtly as I can, and the feeling of his soft hair flowing under my hand is so amazing…
My heart is a mile an hour. I'm feeling light-headed.
I have to breathe.
Jasper turns his head, seemingly searching for more caress. And I want to give it to him, but I'm scared shitless right now, and I need to release the air I'm holding or I'll pass out.
Unwillingly, I pull my hand back and exhale as softly as possible, standing up. I need some distance. I need to collect myself.
On the bed, the prince turns his body and smiles before hugging his pillow.
My smile is an automatic response to his, and I get closer again, reigning over my emotions with a fair share of difficulty.
As I sit by his side, he sighs and smiles again before uttering "E" so soft and low that I'm not sure he really called his nickname for me.
I don't want to wake him up, I could stay like this forever, just enjoying the vision of him…
Once he wakes up, my dream is broken, and I have to fake nonchalance, hide the true feelings I have for him, and control the pull he exerts over me. That's the tricky part. Because I need him, by my side, all the time. But having him so close is what wounds me the most.
There's no way around it, though. His breathing is a little stronger, and I can sense he's not unconscious anymore. I don't really know why, but he seems to be stalling.
Time for the show.
I swallow forcefully to be able to control my voice.
"It's time to wake up, sleepy head!" I let only the joy clear in my voice as I speak.
Jasper squeezes his eyes a little and huffs ever so low.
"Come on, Jazz! Open your eyes, I know you're awake."
And for just a split second, as he opens his eyes and looks at me for the first time this morning, I see a flash of something… something I cannot identify and that fades as fast as appeared, but that makes my heart constrict strangely with a feeling I'm not able to name.
And this is how my day really starts…
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.
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I'm in Providence.
My eyes are closed and I'm trying to remember the sensation of carding my fingers through his hair.
I miss him so much…
The last time we saw each other he was in a hurry to get home on time for dinner, I didn't even have the chance to say goodbye properly…
Not that I would have been able to do so in the way I truly wanted, but I wish I had, at least, hugged him, so I wouldn't be feeling as if there's a century I don't see him.
Oh, damn! I can't do this anymore! I'm gonna explode any time now. I need to put this out! I'm choking with my own damn emotions and musings, I can't stop thinking about the kiss and what it means...
I don't know how or when I'm going to do it, but I can't keep this to myself any longer. I have to tell him. And I have to do it as soon as I get back.
I'm just so fucking afraid of his reaction…
Opening my eyes to the starry sky above me, I coax myself into relaxing my shoulders and back while I lean against the bench.
It's really pretty in here, the park, the lake, the clear night sky so full of stars and so different from home… but none of this leaves me wide-eyed like he does. None of it catches my attention or leaves me breathless like his gestures or simple presence. Nothing seems to be enough to me, to make me feel alive and whole…
Nothing but him.
What am I gonna do? How will the rest of my life be?
At some point he will find someone to love, he'll want to marry, to have a family… Where will I fit in this? Will I still have a place in his heart? And how will I go on once we part ways?
I sink my fingers through my hair and hold it with force. I close my eyes again and take a deep breath before placing my elbows on my thighs without releasing my head from my grip.
God, I need him!
I need him so much it's painful. I know that now the only thing capable of soothing me is him, but he's three thousand miles away…
I need to, at least, hear his voice...
I give in and fish my cell from my pocket. I dial before I can discourage myself. I wait for him to pick up with my heart beating out of my chest.
"Hey…" He greets me shortly.
I close my eyes once more, feeling relief mixed with joy washing over me as I finally hear his voice. I'm all over the place...
"Hey there, stranger!" I reply as lightly as I can, hoping he cannot tell how intensely I feel right now.
"How are things?"
"Good. But I miss…" You! "Home. And how are things there?"
My palms are sweating despite the cold weather. I place my left hand over my heart and squeeze my eyes a little to regain composure.
"Um… Good. Everything is… good." I notice his voice is weird, cautious it seems, and it dawns on me that maybe I called in a bad time and interrupted something.
This thought disturbs me. But then again, Jay would've told me he couldn't talk, or, if that was the case, he wouldn't have answered the phone altogether. Anyway, I'm curious about why he's being so concise.
I briefly pay attention to any sound that might surround him. I can't hear a thing.
"Where are you?" I ask, unable to help myself. At least my voice sounds content due to my effort to act normal. "It's too quiet for a Friday night." I add while a smile stretches my lips. I like the thought of him being home and not out.
I know… I am possessive, I admit. But not openly.
"I'm home." And I sigh quietly, completely relieved by the confirmation.
"Why aren't you with the gang?" That's the predictable option on a Friday night.
"I went out with Bella earlier," My stomach churns slightly with the idea. He's been spending a lot of time with her lately. "but we didn't take long." Yeah, it doesn't pacify me. I'm still jealous. "Actually I've just arrived. What about you, what you're doing?"
I look around before answering, and as much as I try not to allow it, just him asking where I am brings back what I was doing minutes ago, and my longing, my anxiety, and my melancholy take hold of me once more.
"I'm at a park in front of the hotel. I was just walking a little…" I sound off, and I'm hoping like crazy he can't notice it.
Too bad I underestimate his perceptiveness. His response to my tone is immediate.
"Are you okay?"
Yep. Busted. I release a heavy breath and close my eyes for the millionth time.
I don't like the fact that I slipped and allowed myself to show what I'm not supposed to. I like even less that I don't know how to answer his question, 'cause I cannot lie to him, neither can I tell the truth. But what I dislike most is that I worried him. I sensed through his voice, through the way his tone inflected with just a little bit of trepidation, that he is fretting over me. I hate to put him in any kind of distress, he already has a lot to deal with at home with his father.
I choose to do what I usually do when it comes to this. I omit and find a plausible excuse to ease his mind. I take a deep breath.
"Yeah… I'm fine, I'm just…" The air leaves me in a puff. "A little tired. We had to do a lot of things today."
"Is that all?" I realize how suspicious he is by the way his tone is now graver.
I shudder inside.
No. No that's not all. I miss you like crazy, and I have a lot to tell you but I don't know how, I wish I was there with you and I could look into your eyes and tell you how much I love you, how much I want you to be mine…
"Yeah, it is." I even laugh a little to be more convincing, to seem light and unconcerned. "Don't worry about me, Jay. You know I'm tough." I add intending to assuage his worry.
What he says next takes me off guard.
"I know you're tough till something gets to you. I also know how fragile you can be if something hits a nerve."
The certainty, almost authority with which he replies makes me laugh genuinely this time. But not at him or his answer. At myself and at how fool I am.
He's just proved how well he knows me. And that I, once more, have just underrated him.
"Sometimes I forget you know me as well as I know you." The confession leaves me without my full permission, and I heave a weighed sigh once I notice I sound far from collected. "It's nothing, really. I'm just tired."
He takes longer than needed to reply this time, and I know he didn't buy it. I simply feel he is more than suspicious. But if I know him well as I think, he won't insist more, afraid he will upset me.
"Okay then." It's his curt answer.
How can a minuscule word hold so much meaning?
He's not only suspicious. He's a little annoyed with my attitude, actually.
And now I simply hate myself 'cause not only did I let my real emotional predicament transpire and make him worry, but I also irritated him.
I close my hands in fists and clench my teeth.
How stupid can I be? Now he'll probably want to hang up.
Think of something else to say, fast! Something that will not bother him further!
I don't want the call to end…
"Is everything arranged?" Jasper speaks before I can, and I am momentarily glad that he's curious about the issues my dad and I are here to solve. "The college and the apartment documents, I mean…" His voice is linear, almost soft, so I know he's cutting me some slack.
"Kinda…" I answer with a sigh, tanking the universe that at this moment he's not upset to the point of wanting distance, like lately. "My father took advantage of the trip to deal with some of his things. The apartment stuff is all settled, we concentrated pretty much on that this week, and on Monday we'll go to Brown to deal with the university documents and whatever we have to."
And that means more days away from you… and I hate it. But there's not much I can do.
I miss him. And I want him to know that.
"Jay… I…" I try to tell him.
They're just words! Spill them!
But they are stuck in my throat. I exhale, trying to find the strength to go all the way.
"What is it?" He asks, and I notice promptly that he's anxious.
Why can't I just say it? Jasper, I miss you. It's boring here without you. Period. Nothing much. I can miss my best friend and tell him that, right? What's the problem?
None.
So why in the fucking damn hell can't I just say it?!
'Cause I'm a stupid coward!
"It's nothing." I utter in a huff, scolding myself for being such a chicken shit. "It's silly. Anyway, I… I have to go."
And now I'm gonna run and hide like the wuss I am.
"Edward, please… What's bothering you? Tell me."
Oh. My. God! He's really worried about me when I'm just freaking out over something so minor… I'm being so immature!
I have to say it!
"I… I… I really…" I try again.
He'll think I'm retarded or something. All this fuss about such a simple thing?
Either this or he'll simply put two and two together. He'll understand that my hesitation means more than just discomfort. And I don't want him to know about my feelings just yet. And not this way.
It's better if I just say nothing.
"Have to go. I'll call you, okay?"
"E…" My eyes snap closed as I identify the slight strain in his voice.
"My dad is calling me." I lie, which immediately makes me disgusted with myself, so I speak as fast as I can, stumbling through the words, just to put an end to it. "I'll talk to you later. Don't worry, I'm fine, I promise."
He sighs heavily.
"Fine. Just call me. I'm here."
Not in the way I wish you were… not in the way I want you to be.
"Yeah, I know. Bye."
"Bye."
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
How can I be so so stupid?
I shouldn't have called. That was the worst action possible. How can I take this whole shit back?
It was all for nothing. I'm still missing him badly, and all I accomplished with the call was irritating and worrying Jay, and seem like a silly person.
Thwarted, I get up and make my way back to the hotel, finding my father in the lobby.
"I was looking for you." He says smiling as soon as I pass through the revolving door. "Wanna have some drinks with me?"
I look at him with bewildered eyes.
"I'm still a minor, Dad." My tone is playful. "Remember?"
"Oh, it's not like I don't allow you and your friends to drink beer during the weekend." He's as joyful as I was.
"We drink root beer, Dad." Of course he doesn't know about our drinks on Friday nights or at the parties we throw or go that are away from the house.
"You're not gonna get drunk." He says while taking my arm and start pulling me out of the hotel with him. "I just want to have a happy hour with my son."
I smile and follow him. If he's willingly buying me drinks, I won't refuse them.
We walk a little until we find a small pub that my father thinks is nice, all the while talking about what we have to do the next day and how we're gonna proceed.
As we sit on the stools at the bar, my father laughs softly and shakes his head slightly.
"What?" I ask, curious about the way he seems amused.
"Oh, it's nothing. Just the first time I realized the effect you can have on people." His comment is light and I know he's kinda messing with me.
But, since I am still curious, I insist.
"I'm not following, Dad."
My father has a joyful look on his face when he smiles broadly and averts his eyes from wherever he's been looking to gaze at me, the discrete wrinkles around his eyes making one of their rare appearances. "Someone is staring at you. Insistently." He laughs lightly and I can't help but follow him. I also shake my head 'cause I'm not really interested in flirting with any girl. "I think he's trying to call your attention. He followed you with his eyes since the moment we entered, that's the only reason I noticed."
"Wait." I stop him, perplexed. "You said… He?"
Furrowing his brows, my dad simply shrugs and looks at me as if it's obvious.
"Yes." And then he looks pointedly to my left and then back to me.
I don't really know why, but suddenly there are butterflies in my stomach. I straighten up and turn my head slowly, looking over my shoulder.
Wow! He's gorgeous!
This is a first! I think another boy besides Jay is attractive. And I like that he's openly staring at me!
What's this? This alien excitement that has just arisen in me?
I've never felt that for another person besides Jasper before. And it's good.
The guy, a seemingly twenty-year-old, a little bulky with cropped brown hair and big brown eyes, sitting at a table not very far from the bar, smiles once he notices I'm looking back.
I don't really want to, mostly 'cause I don't understand well what's happening, but I smile back, timidly. He says something to the other three guys accompanying him without averting his eyes from mine and then they too are looking at me.
I look back at my father. He has this mirth glint in his eyes and a sneer on his lips.
"See?" His voice is full of playfulness.
"This is weird." I say, a little bit stunned.
"That someone is flirting with you?" My dad asks and I shake my head no. "That I'm here while it happens?"
"That I like it." I confess to both, my father and myself.
"Of course you like it, everybody likes to be wooed, son."
I nod slightly.
"Yeah, but… I've been into Jasper for so long, I didn't know I could feel good having someone else interested in me." I explain while I realize it. "And… now I'm sure of something…"
The epiphany is strong, the butterflies beating their wings like crazy inside my stomach leave no room for doubts or for the need to mull it over. I simply know now. I'm certain of it.
"You're sure of what?" My dad's voice is inflected with comprehension. And that's why I deduce he already knows what I'm about to say.
"I am gay." I've never been more sure of something in my entire life.
Carlisle just nods and smiles, his eyes telling me that it's not something surprising to him. It shouldn't be, especially not to me since I've been in love with a boy for two years. But then again, it is the first time I get to feel attracted (even if it's barely) to another guy. It's the proof I needed to be sure of my sexuality. I've never felt for a girl what I feel for Jay, not even for Angela, and I've never been this thrilled because a girl was flirting with me.
"Too bad I'm here with you, huh?" My dad clearly mocks me.
"I wouldn't go there even if I was alone." I laugh slightly.
He nods again before he speaks in a knowing tone.
"Because of Jay."
I sigh. I cannot deny it, can I?
"Because of him." I confirm. Not that my father really needs any confirmation.
There's no other boy for me. I may have just understood that I like men in general, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm in love with only one.
And I am pretty sure my heart wouldn't trade my prince for anybody else.
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.
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"Okay, from where do we begin?" Jasper asks me as his perfect eyes roam around my bedroom, probably looking for the fastest way for us to finish packing so we can have some time to ourselves before he has to leave.
"I think we should start with my clothes." I answer simply.
He purses his lips, nods, and grabs a box.
"Everything?"
"From the closet, only what's on the three higher shelves."
"Okay…" He answers and turns to open the sliding doors.
I go to my dresser and open the first drawer to retrieve underwear and socks. Then I hear Jazz.
"Babe, what about your PJ's?" I turn to look at him. "They are on the lowest shelf, won't you need them?"
I smile softly at him and nod.
"I forgot they were down there. For sure I'll need some of them, hon. You can pack three or four of them, but leave some behind."
Suddenly his face is all illuminated with his devilish grin. And when his dimples make an appearance I can't resist. I smile back at him.
"What?" I ask kinda puzzled by why he's looking at me that way.
He doesn't say anything, he simply comes to me, wraps his arms around my waist, and kisses my lips sweetly.
"What was that for?"
"You called me hon." He explains in a dazzled voice. "I like it."
"I did?" I haven't noticed.
"You said 'For sure I'll need some of them, hon.'" He quotes me with a foolish smile playing on his lips.
"I did." I agree and hold his face in my hands. "I'm glad you like it."
He smiles his dimpled smile again and I bring him to me, kissing him senseless. When we part we are both breathless, but Jazz still has this perfect adorable grin gracing his features.
"Hon…?"
His smile gets broader.
"Yeah." He replies.
"Let me take a pic of this smile." I ask softly.
He actually laughs a little but nods. I hurry to fish my cell phone out of my pocket and register that lovable face he's doing.
And that's how my favorite Jasper's smile gets eternalized and I register one of the first moments of our new journey.
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A/N: Where The Lines Overlap - Season 2 is about to be posted. This segment here will go on, bringing extra scenes, outtakes, and different POVs. I hope you follow both and, kindly, comment on them! See you!