Homelander knew that this feeling inside of him wouldn't last forever. The giddiness and glee that he felt was unlike nothing he'd ever known before. The only time he had come close to this feeling had been when he'd killed the men who had threatened to hurt his daughter and also the time he'd spent torturing Eddie after he found out what he'd done to Victoria. The idea of anyone touching her had made his blood boil and he'd done everything in his power to drag out the pain that he felt.

But this was different. The men and women in the lab had all been scared of him and they had every right to be scared of him. They had stood around and tentatively ate the cake that he'd bought them, no one entirely digging in and appreciating it. They were all on edge as he wandered around the lab, looking at all of the memories there. There were pictures of him as a child with the scientists. There were markings on the wall showing how tall he was as he grew each year.

Victoria did that with Evelyn, but she had a piece of paper taped against her daughter's doorframe that she marked every six months. Evelyn always laughed when she'd seen that she'd gotten taller. Homelander had watched her with a smile on his face, finding it adorable. It was nothing like what they'd done to him.

But the people who had hurt him had been there. They'd been watching him as he made his intention known. The worst part was that these were the people who gave him nightmares for what they'd done to him, but they hardly remembered. Frank hadn't remembered turning the heat up when Homelander had been in the oven. He hadn't remembered how he'd thrown paper into the wastebasket and punched his fist before adjusting the temperature.

And so Homelander had told him to get in the oven and he'd burnt him alive. No one had challenged him. No one had begged for him to have mercy on Frank as the man screamed in agony and Homelander just stood there. He didn't watch, but he did listen to him.

And then there had been Marty who had been the one who had laughed at him when he'd caught him touching himself at night. He'd been a young boy. Young boys had urges. He'd gone along with those urges because it had felt right. But Marty had laughed at him and called him squirt. Getting revenge on Marty had been the most fun Homelander had had in quite some time, making him perform the very same act he'd laughed at Homelander for doing. He'd smelled vomit after he'd crushed his skull once he had finished humiliating him.

The sorry's that they said to him were a waste of breath. They were far too late. They meant nothing.

And then there had been Barbara. Standing in the small, white tiled room, Homelander looked around it. They were storing chairs inside of it now along with old file boxes. Homelander kept his hands behind his back, fingers clasped together as his eyes flitted around the space.

"It's funny," he commented as Barbara leant against the doorframe. "I remember it being so much bigger. You know why I used to call this The Bad Room?"

"It's just a room, John. It's neither good nor bad," Barbara said, her voice seeming to be indifferent. In a way, Homelander respected Barbara. She was the only in that lab that wasn't scared of him. He could hear the others outside, some of them planning how to escape. But they didn't move or leave. Surely they knew if they tried it then he'd killed them easily enough. No. They were all still too scared to flee.

"That's easy to say from the other side of the door," Homelander said, turning his upper body around slightly to look at her.

"Did you come back just to torment those people?" Barbara asked him. "Doesn't that feel a little…a little small?"

He looked away again, tongue moving to wet his lips as she continued talking.

"They were just following orders. Dr Vogelbaum's, Stan Edgar's and mine."

"Yeah," Homelander said, finally turning around to address her. "But they followed them. Not one of them had the backbone to stand up and say, "This is wrong.""

"Because they were scared."

"I was a child," he said through gritted teeth.

"They were scared," Barbara reiterated, voice rising slightly. "You know, I was there the day that you were born. They paid some runaway two grand to carry the embryo to term. But you lasered her guts open from the inside. You rose in the air with your umbilical cord still attached like some creature out of myth…or nightmare. You killed three doctors and nurse while you were at it. So yeah, yeah, everybody was terrified of you, from your first breath…and then you went and put your wife through the exact same thing."

"My wife was safe."

"Your daughter could've been born the same way you were and killed everyone. You're lucky she was born prematurely. Edgar said the exact same thing," Barbara retorted and Homelander considered Victoria being snatched from him so cruelly.

"I was still a child," Homelander defended himself. "I was a baby. They might've been scared of me, but you weren't."

"You could've broken out of here anytime you wanted," Barbara said and chuckled. "We couldn't have stopped you. But you didn't. Because you couldn't stand the idea that we would be disappointed in you."

He remained still as Barbara bit her lip, eyes remaining set on him and pulse not even racing slightly.

"Your need for approval and love," she reminded him. "Vought brought in the best psychologists in the world." And then she had the audacity to smile and he felt his blood begin to boil. She was looking at him like she thought this was some kind of game. "Developed the protocol to carefully engineer that need so that you would be obedient. In many ways, that was our greatest success."

"I don't need it anymore," he warned her and she nodded back to the open door.

"Doesn't matter what you do to me or the rest of the staff here," she promised him. "Your need for love is so deep, so human, you'll never be able to overcome that. Look at your life…look at the woman you married. You think that Stan never told me about that? You think he didn't mention to me how you'd wiped her memories clean of all the bad things you'd done so she still loved you?"

"That's where you're wrong," Homelander said to her, wagging his finger in her direction. "Victoria loves me for me now. We've worked through our issues."

"You truly think that?" Barbara asked from him. "You think we don't know how she ran away from you?"

"Because she was lost."

"She was scared," Barbara said, "just like everyone else in this place is of you."

"Trust me, if you think Victoria is scared of me then you haven't met her," Homelander said and he grabbed one of the chairs in the room. He spun it around and sat down on it, legs spread and arms folding over his chest. He watched her for a moment and considered his next words as Barbara remained stood on the spot. "She might've been scared of me in the past because she was apprehensive of me. She didn't know my true potential, but now she does. She understands who I am and we're together. She loves me. She despises you lot down here, you know? She hates what you did to me…she's the only one I've ever told about this place."

"And I take it you told her because you love her?"

"Oh, I love her more than anything," Homelander said. "And that's not because of what Vought did to me. I love her because I want to love her, not because I need her approval or her love."

"You think there's a difference between wanting and needing?" Barabara questioned him.

"I think that what we have is not because of what Vought did to me. It's not because of humanity," Homelander defended himself. "But the fact is that if she had powers then I imagine she'd come down here and do exactly what I did…I mean…you should hear all of the stuff that I've done for her."

"You mean like killing the man who raped her?" Barbara asked. "You know that Madelyn Stillwell had to clean up that mess?"

"No, you have no idea what I did to him," Homelander said. "You see, she was a teenager…still a child, really, and Eddie Morell raped her continuously. The things that he forced her to do…I read the case file. I read it and I knew that there was no coming back for a man like him. I went to him and I made him tell me what he'd done to her. I made him recount all of it and I lasered off every limb he had…but I even used my fists," Homelander declared, a bemused look on his face as he held his hands up and his eyes glanced down to them. "You know, I hardly ever have to use my hands. The thing with being a supe is that you don't need to. You can get things done quicker…but that's not the point. It felt…it felt more personal…and killing him had been personal. It had been personal for her."

"Is there a point in you telling me any of this?" Barbara questioned and Homelander chuckled.

"I just realised that I'd never told anyone any of this," Homelander said to Barbara. "It's the only time I've ever really felt the need to make revenge so personal…until today."

Moving to his feet, Homelander walked to Barbara slowly and whispered down to her. "Do you want to know why I called this The Bad Room?"

…

Moving back into Vought Tower, Homelander suspected that he had best not walk through the foyer covered in blood. He'd seen the news briefly after Sage had text him and told him that they had a situation involving his wife. Coming up to the penthouse, Victoria was still awake and she'd shrieked at his appearance. He knew that they needed to talk, but she'd insisted on him going to shower.

He'd done so, leaving his bloodied clothes in a pile in the shower to wash off. He changed into a pair of pants and a grey tee before going back downstairs and finding Victoria in the kitchen. She had a glass of scotch in front of her and was nursing it in her fingertips as she remained sat on a stool at the breakfast bar. She'd tucked her hair behind her ears and was wearing one of his tees and shorts. He sat down next to her on the stool and she slid a glass across to him that was also filled with scotch.

"Do I wait for you to yell at me now or are we going to talk about what happened to you?" Victoria wondered from him.

"I went to the lab," he said and she should've known that he'd talk about himself first. "The people there were the ones who had experimented on me growing up. I did what I had to do."

"And did it make you feel better?"

"If I say yes, will you think worse of me?" Homelander wondered, picking the small glass up and taking a sip. Victoria filled her glass up once more, watching the golden liquid pour with fascination and Homelander wondered just how much she'd had to drink. She smelt of alcohol and he could tell she was already slightly tipsy. There was an almost empty bottle of wine in the living room and he wasn't sure if it had already been opened when she'd started or was a full one.

"Fuck," Victoria muttered, "I don't think I have a leg to stand on here."

"Literally or metaphorically?" Homelander wondered.

"Both…I mean…I've drank a fair amount," she said and Homelander couldn't stop the chuckle that left him then. "But the point is that…after what they did to you…fuck, I'd probably want to kill them too. Look at how I've behaved in the past with the men who wanted to hurt Evie…Eddie…I know I'm a hypocrite. Everything I do and stand for goes against that. I know I'm a hypocrite and I don't care. I just need to be sure that this…what's going on here…it's done."

"It's done," he promised her.

"Okay," Victoria said and took another sip of the scotch. She breathed out an 'ah' and then looked to him and he could see that her eyes were slightly glazed over. "Go on then, get it out the way with."

"You want me to yell at you?"

"You want to, don't you?" Victoria retorted.

He considered it for a moment and reached for his glass once more, taking another drink of his scotch. "You went to the Starlight House, didn't you?" he checked.

"I saw what was going on," Victoria said. "And no matter what you think of Annie, she didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve to have that information plastered all over the news and internet for the world to see. The fact that she had an abortion…it's no one else's business. No matter what you think of her, she was still my friend at one time," Victoria used the past tense, knowing that he would prefer that over using the present tense. "And she didn't deserve that. You can't understand it, John."

"Why can I not?"

"Because you've never been confronted with that choice," Victoria said to him. "You've never had to think about carrying a baby inside of you and feeling like you're not ready…like you can't do it…"

"But you have," Homelander replied.

"I know I have."

Homelander continued watching her as she glanced down to the worktop surface. Her eyes closed and Homelander knew what was going through her mind. His own eyes shut for a second and his eyes closed too. He moved a hand to his forehead, feeling a ringing in his ears. And then he asked her.

"Did you consider an abortion?" he asked from her.

Victoria considered lying to him. She considered telling him what he wanted to hear, but he'd know she was lying. And so she looked at him, her eyes meeting his and she nodded her head once.

"I found out in a hotel room in the middle of the City," she said to him. "It was at the time when you'd told me to go and I…we knew that Becca…she'd almost died…and I was scared. I was scared and I didn't know if I would be able to go through with it…we were over, John. We were finished and I didn't think there was any coming back for us. I'd be lying to you if I said I never considered it and we promised not to lie to each other."

Homelander shook his head slowly. "You could've come back to me. I would've taken you back."

"I didn't know that at the time," Victoria defended herself. "I was just scared, John. But the fact is that I didn't. I didn't even look into it. In the end, I wanted her. I wanted her so much and I love her. She's everything to me and I regret nothing."

There was silence then and Victoria finished another glass of scotch before refilling it. He noticed the way her hand was shaking slightly and he took the bottle from her fingers, moving it so that it was out of her reach. He decided that the last thing she needed was more alcohol. He took hold of her by the hand, his fingers lacing with hers and he brought her hand up to his lips, kissing her knuckles gently.

"You're not mad?" she asked him.

"It's in the past and I'm not going to hold it against you," he said to her.

"And about today?" she wondered from him.

"What people say doesn't matter to me," Homelander said with a shake of his head. "Let them speculate about why you were there. I don't give a shit. I know why you went…you went to protect Starlight and I don't agree with it, but I know it was because you…you care for her because you're kind. You won't do it again though, Victoria. We both know who you're loyal to."

"You know, I'm pissed off though, right?" Victoria checked with him and his lips arched slightly at hearing her say that. She pulled her hand from his and nudged him in the chest. "I'm serious, John."

"I know, but you're just cute when you're annoyed and drunk," he said to her and Victoria rolled her eyes at him.

"Whatever you might think about Starlight, getting your little conspiracy theorist nut to bring her down like that was too far…and the biggest brain in the world knows what I think too. She's too clever for her own good. I don't trust her and if you had any part of today then I swear-"

"-I didn't," he interrupted her, shaking his head. "Did I tell Sage to bring Starlight down? Yes. I didn't know she had this planned."

"If you knew, would you have let her do it?" Victoria queried and Homelander watched as his wife's gaze intensified. He remained silent and Victoria shook her head before slipping from the stool and trying to storm away. She tripped over the bottom of the stool and Homelander was on his feet, arm around her waist and stopping her from falling.

"I'm going to bed," Victoria said, standing up and pressing against his chest to try and get away.

"Vicky, come on," Homelander urged from her. He'd had a long day and the last thing he needed was his wife's attitude with him. He could do without it, truth be told.

"No," Victoria said sternly and he kept his arm firmly around her waist. "This isn't something trivial, John. A line was crossed in this little war you have with Annie."

"Maybe I'd have hesitated," he lied to Victoria, sensing that it would be easier than telling her the truth. "Because I know what it would do to you and despite everything…despite Starlight being a pain in my ass….you come above that. You come above everything for me."

Victoria's eyes widened at that and he smirked again. Lifting his hand up, he moved his thumb over her cheekbone. He arched a brow as he lowered his face towards hers.

"Surprised?" he asked from her.

"Slightly."

"If there's one thing I've learned today, sweetheart, it's the nothing else matters to me except you, Ryan and Evie," he said to her honestly. "And if that means sometimes making concessions to keep my kind-hearted, sweet wife happy…then I can do that because I know in the long run that Starlight won't be a problem."

Victoria had to confess that didn't put her at ease. She suspected he thought it might, but it didn't. She nodded thoughtfully for a second, but she had to admit that she was feeling woozy and not thinking straight.

"And Sage?" Victoria asked from him. "You might trust her and she might be your right-hand woman, but you need to be careful. You need to watch her."

Homelander chuckled, fingers brushing into her hair gently. "I know," he assured her. "Trust me, I'm not blinded by her. No one will blind me anymore, Vicky. I see clearly now and things are going to get better. I promise you."

"And Ryan?"

"I'll talk to him in the morning," Homelander promised his wife. "I want to make things right with him. I know that what I said went too far and I want him to pave his own way in life. I want him to make his own decisions…we've all spent so long being manipulated by people who have had control over us and I'm not going to do that to my son. Our children…whatever they want to do…we'll stand by them."

Her brows knitted together and she reached a finger up and prodded him in the cheek. "Who are you and what have you done with my husband?" she asked him and he laughed softly, tossing his head back as he dropped his arm to wrap around her waist.

"I'm free, Victoria," he settled on saying to her. "I've never felt as free as I do now."

"Alright," she relented and he bent down to kiss her softly.

"Come on," he urged from her. "Let's get you to bed. You're going to have a hangover in the morning."

He bent down and picked her up. She didn't even complain as he knocked her feet from underneath her and carried her up to the bedroom. He laid her down on her side of the bed and sat down on the edge of it, his hand running softly along her neck as her wide eyes moved over his face. Her pupils were still dilated and he bent down, kissing her once more.

"I love you, Vicky," he whispered against her lips. "Nothing will ever come between us again, I swear."

….

Homelander had been right. She did have a hangover when she woke the following morning. She peeled her eyes open to see a glass of water waiting for her on the nightstand along with some ibuprofen and another glass of orange juice. Homelander's side of the bed was unmade, indicating he had indeed slept there the night before. She climbed out of bed and drank the water and took the tablet gratefully. Showering, she scrubbed herself with her expensive body wash and then brushed her teeth. She changed into a long-sleeved green jumpsuit and then headed downstairs with her orange juice. The penthouse was quiet, almost eerily so.

She saw a note on the coffee table from Homelander. He told her that he'd gone for a walk with Evelyn and Ryan, urging for her to relax. She went into the kitchen and put the kettle on the stove, waiting for the water to boil and finishing her orange juice. She had a slight headache, but it wasn't too bad considering how much she'd drank the night before.

"Ah, there she is," Homelander declared.

"Mummy," Evelyn exclaimed, bounding into the kitchen.

"Hey, baby," she greeted her daughter and reached for her hand she was holding up. "Come away from the stove, sweetie," Victoria said and she crouched down, embracing her daughter. "How did you sleep?"

"Good," Evelyn said with a nod. "Daddy took me to see ducks."

"You went to see the ducks, huh?" Victoria checked with her, holding her daughter's waist as she remained crouched down. Evelyn nodded, dark curls bobbing around her chubby cheeks. "And did Ryan go with you?"

"Yes," Evelyn nodded her head.

"He's just gone to his room," Homelander said.

"Everything okay?" Victoria questioned.

"Fine," Homelander said, sweeping into the kitchen and opening the fridge, grabbing the pint of milk and taking a drink straight out of it. "We thought that we might let you sleep in. I told them you weren't feeling too well."

"Mummy ill?" Evelyn asked.

"Mummy is feeling better now," Victoria said to her daughter. She managed to pick her up, holding her in her arms and embracing her tightly. Homelander looked on at the two of them, lips arching as he drank from the carton and then put it away after a moment or two. He leant back against the fridge, arms folding over his chest as Victoria managed to move the kettle from the stove while juggling Evelyn in her arms.

"Did you sleep well?" Homelander asked from her.

"Like a log," she confirmed for him. "Thank you for the orange and painkillers."

"Figured you might need them," Homelander said to her. "Anyway, I need to go out today. You know it's the V-52 expo coming up and apparently there are plans for a television series with me and Ryan…plus a new feature length film. They're having to recast the actress who played you, however."

"Why's that?" Victoria wondered, still cooing with Evelyn in her arms as she bounced her against her hip and her daughter laughed. Glancing to her husband, she saw him press a finger against his nostril and sniff. "Ah," Victoria said in understanding. "And you're okay with that?"

"I don't care," he said with a nonchalant wave of his hand. Truth be told, it felt a bit odd kissing a woman who wasn't his wife. "Besides, I'm not entirely sure if that's the future I want anymore…the television shows…films…"

"Seriously?" Victoria questioned from him. "I thought you loved that stuff?"

"I think there's other important stuff going on that we need to figure out," Homelander informed his wife and she wasn't sure if she was comforted by that or not. "And I need to talk to Ryan about it. If he doesn't want to do it then he doesn't have to."

Victoria looked at him sceptically and he held his hands up defensively.

"No catch," he said to her. "I meant what I said last night. He can do what he wants to do. I'm not going to push him."

Victoria was still apprehensive, but she guessed this was better than before. At least he wasn't forcing his son to do anything that he didn't want to do. Victoria guessed she would see in time if he kept it up. Homelander moved towards her slowly and reached for her hip, bending down and kissing her tenderly, tasting orange juice and mint toothpaste on her breath.

"I'll be back soon, alright?" he said to her. "You okay with the kids?"

"I think we'll manage," she assured him and he kissed Evelyn on the top of her head before kissing his wife one final time. He moved back through the living room and frowned for a moment. He looked to the sideboard and noted that a picture of the two of them on their wedding day was on the opposite side of it. He picked the photo up and looked at it. They were sat on the stairs inside City Hall, Homelander one step above Victoria as she laid her arms over his lap, gaze set on him and smile on her face as he peered down at her, forehead almost brushing hers.

"Vicky?" Homelander called her name.

"Yeah?" she asked, heading to stand in the doorway.

He held the frame up. "Did you move this photo?"

"I don't think so. Why?"

"It was on the other end of the sideboard," he told her.

She frowned and shrugged. "We have two kids. I bet Ryan maybe knocked it and moved it…or Evie could have nudged it while I was carrying her and I put it back in the wrong place."

Homelander hummed, but he wasn't entirely convinced. But he wasn't going to make a big deal out of it. He placed the photo down and just nodded once. "See you tonight," he said to her and took off.

….

Victoria had put Evelyn to bed and Ryan was playing video games by the time Homelander told her that he was coming home. She'd kept dinner in the oven warm for him, but they'd already ate. Victoria was sat on the other end of the sofa as Ryan played his game. She had a book open in her lap, but she wasn't entirely paying attention to it. She'd showered quickly and had clipped her hair into a messy bun and was wearing one of Homelander's sweatshirts and her shorts with socks on her feet.

"Dad told me that he won't be mad if I don't want to do the TV show," Ryan said to Victoria and she looked up from her page. She placed the bookmark there and let the book fall closed.

"Did he talk to you?"

"He said that he just wanted me to be happy," Ryan said. "I don't want to disappoint him though."

"You won't disappoint him," Victoria assured the young boy and she sat up straight, uncurling herself from the ball she'd been sat in. "Your dad…I think he realises that things haven't been good between you both and he wants to make things better. If you don't want to do something then you don't have to. You won't disappoint him."

"Really?"

"Really," Victoria said. "Although there are some things that you'll have to do…like eat your greens…brush your teeth before bed…make sure you do your homework on time."

Ryan chuckled and Victoria smiled to him, winking once and feeling her chest ache for the young boy. She'd grown so fond of Ryan that the idea of abandoning him now felt impossible for her. If something ever did happen to Homelander then she wondered if he'd still want to be with her. Would he want to be with her if he realised that she was only playing happy families? Or if he realised that she never really wanted to be with his father?

"I just think a TV show sounds kind of lame," Ryan confessed, putting the controller down onto the coffee table. "I don't want to do that…or do fake saves…but I do want to help people like my dad. I just want it to be real."

"Yeah?" Victoria wondered from him.

"I think my mom would be proud if I did."

Victoria's stomach flipped at that. She'd met Becca less than a handful of times, but she knew that she was a good woman. She'd been the first-person Victoria had told about being pregnant. She'd been a good mom to Ryan. She'd raised him right and had sacrificed so much for him. At the time, Victoria couldn't entirely understand how she'd made that sacrifice. But then she'd had Evelyn and she knew that she would do anything for her.

"Your mom would be proud of you no matter what," Victoria said to him.

"Do you think so?"

"I am sure of it," Victoria assured him. "But if you want to help people then maybe you can talk to your dad. You don't need to rush into anything because you're still so young."

"I know," Ryan said to her with a nod of his head. "But I think it's what I want to do. If I can help people then I want to. My dad said that's how he met you…he saved you…"

"Well, actually, I'd like to think that I had the situation under control," Victoria said, a smile still on her face as Ryan's eyes widened in surprise. Victoria reached for her glass of water from the coffee table and sat back, tugging her leg up to her chest. "What did your dad tell you?"

"He said that someone was trying to mug you and he stopped them. He said that…he said that he fell in love with you after that," Ryan said and Victoria guessed it made sense that he omitted most of the truth and romanticised how they got together. Not that there hadn't been parts of their relationship that hadn't been romantic, especially when they admitted they cared for each other.

"Your dad failed to mention that I managed to punch that guy pretty hard," Victoria said. "In fact, I used to take self-defence classes. I'm not saying that your dad didn't sweep in at a good time, but I was pretty tough back then…had more muscles than I do now, anyway."

"He never said that," Ryan said.

"Your dad likes to show off," Victoria replied. "But don't worry, I'll have words with him."

"What have I done now?"

Victoria watched as Homelander swept into the penthouse, cape flowing behind him. She took another sip of her water as he squeezed Ryan's shoulder and sat in between the two of them. Victoria kept her water in her hand, arm dangling over her bent leg. "Apparently you told Ryan that you saved me when we first met. You forgot to mention that I got a punch in," she said and Homelander chuckled at that.

"Well, I have to admit that you were coping very well, but what kind of supe would I have been if I didn't intervene?" Homelander asked and then looked to his son. "And I did save her in the end," he tacked on, smile remaining on his face. "Anyway, I think it's your bedtime, isn't it?"

"Can I play a bit longer?"

"You can play until half-past-ten in your room considering it's a weekend," Victoria relented and Ryan nodded his head. He bid goodnight to both of them and took off up the steps to the guest room they'd decorated into his own room. The entire penthouse hadn't been big enough for them, but during Victoria's absence, there had been expansions into the space next door that had been empty which meant everyone had their own room.

Once Ryan was gone, Homelander reached for the glass Victoria was holding and set it down on the coffee table. She was about to ask what he was doing as he grabbed her ankle and dragged her leg down, slotting himself in between her thighs until he was laid on top of her, arms either side of her body and propping himself up slightly. He watched as her hair fell out of its bun and fanned around her head on the sofa.

"So you were talking about how we met, huh?" he asked her.

"I had to set the record straight," she said to him. "You made me sound like a damsel in distress."

"You kind of were," Homelander said and she arched her brows. He chuckled. "Only slightly," he tacked on. "Besides, even though I love it when you are angry…it's pretty hot knowing that you sometimes need me…gives me an ego boost."

"Does your ego need boosting?" Victoria questioned and he laughed at that as Victoria held onto his upper arms that were caging either side of her body.

"Valid point," he said and he bent down to kiss her. "Anyway, besides telling Ryan about how we met, what else have you gotten up to today?"

"Not much," she said with a shake of her head. "I went for another walk with Ryan and Evelyn. We came back…Evie had a nap and Ryan did some homework. I baked some cookies and made dinner, which is still in the oven keeping warm in case you're hungry. I don't know if you are, but just in case."

"I might eat in a bit," he confirmed to her and kissed her again. She closed her eyes as he moved his lips slowly over hers, gloved hand reaching for the edge of the sweatshirt she wore. Victoria felt him tug it up her stomach and he moved his lips towards her neck, sucking on her skin roughly and then flicking his tongue against her. He heard her moan as she remained beneath him and she threaded her fingers into his hair softly.

"What's gotten into you?" Victoria wondered from him.

"The last few days…going back there…I know that things need to change," he said in between kissing along her neck as he rested his gloved hand on her ribcage. "I just need things to change for the better and that means us…as a family…you're the only ones I care about, Victoria. And I need you to know that."

She nodded her head. "I know," she assured him, hand going to his cheek and guiding his face away from her neck even though she had no actual power. "Are you alright?" she asked from him and he nodded his head, but he gulped loudly and she saw something flicker across his face. She reached for his hair again, brushing her fingers into it gently. "You can tell me the truth," she whispered against his lips and he relented then. He laid his head down against her shoulder, his body pressed firmly to hers and his face against her neck.

"I keep seeing it," Homelander admitted to his wife. "I keep seeing that place…The Bad Room…what happened…and I thought that going back would stop it, but it hasn't. I keep remembering, Victoria. I keep remembering all of it and I don't know how to stop."

"You know that's only normal, right?" Victoria assured him. "We can't forget what happened to us."

"Do you remember?" Homelander asked her and Victoria nodded against him, her arms wrapped around him as she realised that he wanted comforting. He longed for comfort and she knew she had to be the one to give it to him.

"Yeah," she answered him. "There are times when I get lost in my own head and I remember everything…go back to that dark place…but then I think of everything I now have. I think of how I was stronger than both Eddie and my father. I got a PhD. I made something of myself. They never did."

"I just want it to stop, Victoria," he muttered to her and his arms wrapped around her waist as he clung onto her. "I want them to stop."

"I can't promise you that they'll stop, John," Victoria said to him. "And I can't promise you that you'll ever forget what happened…and I know it's hard to move on. I get that. When people tell you just to move and forget then they usually don't know how hard that actually is. They have no clue. And what you went through…no one can ever be able to relate to that."

Homelander knew she wasn't wrong there. Closing his eyes, he kissed the side of her neck once more, but he was much more tender this time. "I love you," he whispered to her gently. "You're the only one who gets it…who gets me…"

Victoria wasn't entirely sure that was true, but she was unlikely to challenge him. She just nodded her head as she ran a hand along his back. "I'm here," she whispered to him.

…

Sitting across from Doctor Jones, Victoria shifted uncomfortably. She'd made the appointment without Homelander knowing. They'd woken up that morning and he'd dressed before telling her that he had to leave on business for the day. He'd kissed her sweetly and Victoria had asked if Ryan was able to look after Evelyn for an hour as she just needed to pop out.

Victoria kept crossing her legs, trying not to be so apprehensive, but failing miserably. She watched as the woman looked at her screen and scanned Victoria's medical files. Lacing her fingers on her kneecaps, Victoria exhaled a sharp breath and looked around the office.

"Last time we were here, Homelander said that you were hoping to have another child," Doctor Jones reminded her and Victoria nodded her head, nervously tucking her hair behind her ear. She knew that the two of them hadn't spoken about having another child since their time in the cabin when he'd told her that they could wait until after the trial before talking about it again.

He hadn't brought it up since then and Victoria hadn't dared to raise the topic. Then again, she wondered what might happen if she did. Perhaps he might not be bothered anymore now that they were getting on so well. Did he want to risk that? Did he want to risk Victoria?

"Circumstances have changed," Victoria said. "We're not trying for a baby right now."

"I see," Doctor Jones said with a nod and her beady eyes met Victoria's. "But you are now being intimate together?"

Victoria just nodded once. She felt ashamed to admit it. Doctor Jones just sniffed once and turned her attention back to her screen. Victoria could feel the judgment radiating from her. She tried to ignore it. She was used to people judging her.

"And have you been using protection since you started having sex again?"

"I had some of my pill leftover that I've been taking, but it's run out," Victoria said to her. "I just need another prescription. I only have two days left."

"And the pill has been effective for you?" she asked.

"It's been effective so far," Victoria confirmed with a nod of her head. "I got pregnant with Evie because I forgot to take it for a week while I was visiting from Paris. Before that, everything was fine…it worked and we were having sex."

"Okay," Doctor Jones said. "In that case, we will keep you on the same pill. However, if you are intending on having another child down the line then perhaps you should think about forward planning. Your husband might not have an issue, but with women it's different. You're almost in your mid-thirties and you might not be producing as many eggs and, in some instances, they might not be as healthy now as they were when you had Evelyn."

"I see," Victoria said. "I just…I'm not sure we're going to try again."

"Well, perhaps it is something you should think about," Doctor Jones said to her. "Just in case."

"I'll talk to him," Victoria said, but she had no intention of doing that.

She waited patiently for her prescription and Doctor Jones told Victoria that it would be sent up to the penthouse, but she asked if she could pick it up. She knew Doctor Jones was suspicious of her, but Victoria didn't entirely care. She just needed to get it without him knowing. She knew they'd have to talk about things eventually, but it wasn't part of Victoria's plan for the foreseeable future.

Leaving the medical floor, Victoria stepped into the elevator and she was surprised to see A-Train there. He was dressed in jeans and a jacket, looking completely different to normal. She didn't think she'd ever seen him without his supe outfit. He nodded to her, face remaining stoic as she forced herself to smile. She couldn't say that she trusted him. He hadn't entirely been trustworthy in the past.

"I would've thought you'd be at V-52 rehearsals," Victoria said to him, unable to stand the silence.

"I finished early," A-Train simply said to her.

Victoria nodded her head, rocking on her heels before he spoke again, voice lower.

"Are you alright?" he asked and Victoria guessed that he was being polite.

She nodded. "Yeah," she said to him with a nod. "I mean…things have been hectic, but I'm fine. You?"

"Good," A-Train replied with a nod of his head and he looked over her. He knew more than she thought. "I saw you at the Starlight House on the news."

"Yeah, I don't think it's gone down well with Vought," Victoria scoffed. "But Annie was my friend and what Sage did went too far. I…I might be loyal to my husband, but that doesn't mean I can sit by idly while things happen that I don't agree with…not all of the time."

"You took a risk in going there though," A-Train replied.

Victoria shrugged her shoulders. "I know," she confirmed for him. "Turned out that he…being married…things are complicated…he knows who I am and what I think. He knows it and he lives with it because I'm his wife. I know I'm afforded more privilege than other people, but I know when not to push things."

"I guess that's all you can do," A-Train said and Victoria let her eyes roam over his face as he looked to the ground and the elevator came to his floor. He stepped out of it and Victoria watched his back as he walked away, sensing that something wasn't entirely right with him. She just wondered if her husband knew it too.

...

A/N: More A-Train to come...Billy also returns and there's some sibling tension...plus how does Victoria react when Ryan tries to do good - any guesses? As always love to know your thoughts!