Earth, 5,000 years in the future

He wandered around the desolate wasteland for a while, adjusting his ivory mask and maroon cloak. He could have sworn he saw something around these parts. If only he knew where to look next.

The area, barren as it was, was littered with the decrepit remains of various amusement park rides and other things, along with what appeared to be a hotel. They were familiar to him… for whatever reason. Walking alone for so long hadn't been kind to his mental functions in general, let alone his memory. Being a completely immortal being who was alive for millennia without being able to die certainly didn't help. He took a few steps towards the hotel, getting the strong sense that inside was his next meal ticket. He walked through the threshold, the doors long having been broken off their hinges.

"So, you're the one who calls himself the Watcher?"

He was met by an ancient woman sitting on an ottoman in the deserted lobby, stroking a black and white cyclops cat sitting in her lap. Her wrinkled skin was almost completely porcelain white save for the circular spots of candy apple red on her cheeks, and her silver, tailbone-length hair was tied back in a loose ponytail. She wore a tattered three-piece suit which consisted of a dirty white dress shirt, a red overcoat which was missing a few buttons, and patched-up dress pants of the same color. Her facial expression was solemn and stern, brows furrowed and the corners of her mouth taut in a deep frown.

"That's me."

Upon noticing him, the cat disappeared in a puff of red smoke. The old woman stood up. "You have a lot of nerve showing up back here. In case you forgot, you're directly responsible for the destruction of almost everything I care about. I've never forgiven you for what you pulled."

"Hey, princess. I was just doing what I had to to stop the war between angels and demons. It's not my fault if the folks way upstairs thought it'd be a good idea to keep splitting up the Planes until almost all life was wiped out. Speaking of, I'm honestly surprised that you managed to survive, considering even your all-powerful dad kicked it."

"He wouldn't have if you had just known when to stand down and keep your fucking mouth shut!" The old woman suddenly grew maroon, straight-pointing horns as her eyes turned blood red, and then immediately collapsed on her knees as she broke into a coughing fit.

"Whoa there. Don't hurt yourself now. Why don't you go take a nap or something? You probably need it in your old age."

"Whatever happened to you anyway? You used to be such a sweet, compassionate boy."

"Well, I didn't just change suddenly overnight, I'll tell you that much. I wonder if Adam might've rubbed off on me somehow. He was one of the first guys I recruited." Then, from the corner of his eye, he saw it. "Aha. Top banana."

"What do you think you're doing? You'd better not be thinking of recruiting those poor souls into your fold! You know they've been through enough traumatic supernatural bullshit when they were alive!"

He just ignored her as he cautiously stepped over to the group of souls cowering in the rubble.

"There, there. Don't be scared. I'm not gonna hurt you. I just need you to come with me." He took out a jar from his backpack and unscrewed the lid. "How would you guys like to help me change the future?"

Earth, present day

Norma Khan sat in the passenger seat of her mom's minivan as they drove to her new job at the resort hotel that had just opened six months ago. The ad she and her best friend Barney found said that they were looking for new employees, preferably human. She thought the human part was pretty weird to specify, until Barney explained to her that it was probably a joke. Humor wasn't really one of her strong suits.

She looked out the window in anticipation as the minivan passed a sign reading Happy Hazbins Resort in big, bright, fancy-looking letters. The hotel building itself was big and built from deep red bricks.

Once they stopped at the hotel's front doors, Norma unbuckled and stepped out of the car, her mother doing the same and squeezing her in a hug. "Oh, Norma, I'm so proud of you! My youngest girl, going to her first job!"

"Moooom!" Norma tried to push her away. "You've already hugged me five times today. Besides, I still need to go inside so I can actually do my job."

"Right. Of course." Her mom let her out of her grasp. "Just remember to call me once you're in the building."

Norma rolled her eyes as she walked to the door. "I will." She opened the door and stepped into the lobby, her phone immediately ringing. She took it out and predictably saw it was her mom. She answered it.

"I was just checking to see if you have your phone."

"Yeah, Mom. You can stop fussing over me now."

"Sorry. I'll leave you to your job now. I'm sure you'll do great! I'm proud of you!" And she hung up. Maybe now she could be left alone.

"Hey there, new girl!" The woman who greeted her was a blonde with pale, almost white skin, cheeks as red as candied apples. She wore a red three-piece suit, complete with a black bowtie. "Are you ready for a fantastic first day on the job?"

Norma blinked. "Uh, yes, Ms. Morningstar. That's why I'm here."

"Great! Now, as a bellhop, you're responsible for helping guests with their luggage and showing them to their rooms."

"Sounds easy enough. I'm great at knowing where things are supposed to go."

"That's the attitude I like to see! Now, here's your uniform. I got you pants instead of a skirt, as per your request." Ms. Morningstar handed her her hotel uniform, which consisted of a red polo shirt with a black key embroidered on the right breast and black pants. "After you get changed, a couple is coming in later today, and they want their luggage set up on the bed in their room." She pointed to a key card she took out of her pocket, patted the luggage cart standing next to her, and gestured down the hallway in that order as she continued talking. "Here's the key to Room 409, the luggage cart is right here, and the luggage storage room is right down the hall. Their stuff is on the shelf labeled 409, same number as the room they're staying in. Oh! But get changed first." She waved her off in a "shoo" motion.

"Yes, ma'am."

After Norma got changed into her uniform, she took the key card from her employer and wheeled the luggage cart down the hall to grab the luggage she needed to take. She entered the storage room, seeing racks upon racks full of suitcases and other things. "What shelf is it on again?"

Then she heard a rustling sound, coupled with muffled cries of desperation and the whining of a dog. She whirled around, trying to figure out where it was coming from. "Hello? Who's there?"

The muffled shouting grew louder, now clearly coming from somewhere on Norma's left. She assumed a fighting stance. "Don't move. I know how to defend myself." She held up her keycard. "I can probably figure out how to use this as a weapon."

The muffled shouting continued. Norma tiptoed toward it, briefly patting her pants pockets to see if she still had her phone on her. She did, thankfully. As she got closer, the shouts and whines persisted. She started wondering if she should have gotten this job in the first place. Her mom said that the outside world was dangerous, and that she should just stay inside at all times. At least that's what she thought she was trying to say–

"HELP ME!"

Norma jumped back with a scream as she came face-to-face with a writhing figure wrapped in a yellow sleeping bag with a pug's head sticking out.

"Pugsley's stuck in my sleeping bag!"

"Barney? Hold on! I'll get you guys out!" Norma unzipped the zipper, letting Pugsley free and prompting him to jump up to lick her face as thanks. "Ah! Down! Down!" Pugsley obeyed. "You didn't stay here overnight, did you? I thought everything was going okay for you at home."

The blue-haired teenager climbed out of his sleeping bag and scratched the pug behind the ears. "It is, I swear. I just thought I'd be bright and early for my first day on the job, that's all. No need to worry."

"And you brought Pugsley with you?"

"Yeah. He's my deputy groundskeeper. Aren'tcha, boy?"

Norma let out a chuckle. "That's nice. That way if one of you gets in trouble, both of you will be written up."

Barney picked him up in a hug. "Come on, that's not fair! Pugsley doesn't deserve to be in trouble for something I did. He's an absolute angel."

"Well, if you don't want either you or your little 'deputy groundskeeper' to be written up, then you should get dressed and get some work done." Standing behind them was a tan-skinned woman with her hair over her left eye, arms crossed over her chest and foot tapping impatiently on the linoleum floor.

"Oh, hey, Vaggie. Don't worry. I'll be right out to help with whatever you need me to."

Vaggie, huh? That's a weird name, Norma thought to herself. Though she figured she wouldn't really remember it anyway. She was pretty bad with names.

"You should've been out doing your job half an hour ago."

"Well, I was about to, but I… kinda overslept, and Pugsley… kinda crawled into my sleeping bag."

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have begged us to let you keep him here in spite of our resort's no-pets policy."

"Come on! What did you expect me to do, leave him at the pound? I'm not heartless!"

Norma just decided to continue with her job, eavesdropping on Barney and the assistant manager's conversation as she made her way to shelf 409.

"Well, neither am I, and the owner and head manager Charlie especially isn't, but we've got standards to uphold. Ergo, no pets."

"The late-night entertainer gets to keep his pet here."

"That's different. Angel's pig is an emotional support animal. Anyway, get to work. I don't want to have to deal with firing someone on their first day." Then she added under her breath, "Though there are a few people here who definitely should have been."

"We'll be good, Vaggie, promise! I'll make sure Pugsley doesn't get into any more trouble."

"He'd better not."

Norma gathered all of the luggage she needed and made her way over to the elevator. She hadn't thought to ask her boss which floor she should be going to, but she assumed it was the fourth floor, because the room she needed to go to started with the number four. The elevator opened to reveal a short, red-skinned demon creature with giant horns on either side of their head and sharp fangs poking out of the sides of their mouth. They were dressed in the Happy Hazbins Resort employee uniform and gold sandals. "Hey there, human! Which floor?"

Norma blinked, but she quickly shook her head to regain her composure before stepping into the elevator with the luggage cart in tow. "Hi. I'm the new bellhop. I need to get to the fourth floor to drop off this luggage to Room 409."

"Alright! Level 4, comin' right up!" The demon pushed the button, and the elevator closed to take them up to Level 4. "So, newbie. You likin' the Happy Hazbins Resort so far?"

"Yeah. It's alright. I wasn't expecting to see a demon operating the elevator. You are a demon, right? That's not a costume?"

Norma flinched and covered her ears as the demon let out a loud, hardy cackle. "Ah. I like you already, eyebrows. Yeah. I'm a real demon, and so's everyone else who works here. This resort was even founded by the princess of Hell herself with the help of one of the guys from the Goetia family. They're a pretty big deal from what I've heard."

"Really? Everyone who works here aside from me and Barney is a demon? No way."

"Well, almost everyone. We do have a few humans who work here, but most of them work over at Phoenix Park. We got a couple angels on staff too, but not nearly as many as we do demons."

"Wait. Phoenix Park?! The only theme park modeled after the filmography of Pauline Phoenix? I thought that was closed down ten years ago."

"Yep. They opened it back up to the public to boost human visitors. Oh, hey. Here's your stop."

Norma looked and saw that the elevator had opened up. "Oh. Thanks."

"Name's Courtney by the way. Any pronouns."

"Norma. She/her pronouns." She wheeled her cart to Room 409. "See you later."

"Hey! You know, I'm having a thing in the rec room later tonight. All human and demon staff are invited."

She continued on her way. "Thanks, but I don't really like big get-togethers."

"Whatever. Whether or not you decide to come, that's your choice."

Barney had just got done mowing the grass, and he was already experiencing constricting chest pains.

"Fuck. This binder is literally killing me," he said under his (at the moment very short) breath, pulling at said binder under his work shirt.

"Young man, I believe this is yours."

Barney looked up and saw a very tall, skinny man holding Pugsley up by his harness, the poor doggy whimpering in fear. The man was dressed in a dark maroon three-piece suit. His skin looked pale and ashy, and his hair was bright red with two prominent tufts at the top which, for some reason, reminded Barney of deer ears. If he was seeing correctly, the man even seemed to have tiny antlers! The man's eyes, including the scleras, were an inhuman shade of red, one of them adorned with a monocle. His most glaring feature, however, was the big, wide grin full of sharp, yellow teeth.

Barney gulped. "Uhh… y-yeah. I had him put up so he wouldn't get into any trouble." He reached to take Pugsley back, wincing internally as he realized his poor fur baby was shaking. The teenager held the scared pup close in a protective hug. "And as far as I know, he hasn't. What were you doing with him anyway?"

"I was simply perusing the resort grounds when I saw your little pet tied up near the garden." The unsettling man leaned forward, Barney backing away as their faces became uncomfortably close. "I'm sure you've been made well aware of the Happy Hazbins Resort's no-pets policy."

"Yeah, I know. The assistant manager told me, but we worked on a compromise. As long as Pugsley is on a leash, which he is, and doesn't get into any trouble, which he hasn't, then he can stay with me here at the resort."

"I can confirm." Another tall, thin, sharp-dressed man came over from seemingly out of nowhere, this one having black hair slicked back in a neat coif. His nose was beaky, and his eyes were wide and bright, reminding Barney of an owl. "My personal assistant and I have been in the garden all day tending to the plants, and neither of us have seen the adorable little thing so much as sniff at the dandelions."

"That's right!" A much shorter man with red, splotchy skin popped out from behind the second man, dressed in the typical Happy Hazbins Resort employee uniform along with groucho glasses. His brown hair was very large, leading Barney to wonder if it was actually a wig. "Puppy was just sitting there being a good boy, yes he was." The third man scratched Pugsley under the chin.

"It was probably too afraid to because it thought one of your monstrous demon plants might eat it, Stolas, " the first man retorted, the last word being garbled with static.

What the hell?

"Nonsense, Alastor. My plants prefer their meat pre-killed."

Okay, seriously, what the hell?

"Damn shame they're so picky. I would have loved to see that dog be torn to shreds."

"How could you say such a thing?!" Barney and the other two men exclaimed in unison.

The first man, Alastor was his name, let out a sadistic chuckle. "Oh, settle down, won't you? Animals are forbidden on these premises anyway. As maintenance manager, I have to see to everything pertaining to this resort being in good condition." He set his eyes on Pugsley, the poor pug cowering under his gaze. "This mutt will only get in the way of that." His voice dripped with annoyance, though he still kept his creepy smile.

Barney hugged him tighter. "Pugsley is not a mutt! And you'd better not hurt one wrinkle on his beautiful body."

The second man patted Barney's shoulder. "Don't worry, my good fellow. I personally will see to it that our good friend Alastor doesn't lay a finger on your Pugsley."

"Stolas, do you really think so little of me that I would harm a living thing after expressly being warned against it?"

"Well, I mean, you did used to be a serial killer when you were still human, so…"

"I wasn't asking you, Blitzo."

"Oh, for fuck's sake, it's pronounced Blitz. The o is silent. Get my name right for once, you fucking cannibal dick!" His groucho glasses slid off and fell on the ground, to reveal that he didn't have a nose. "Oops." He bent down to pick them up and put them back on. "Okay, kid, you didn't see anything. Got that?"

Barney ran off to hide behind the nearest tree and took out his phone, setting Pugsley down to call Norma. "Norma? Are you there?"

"Barney? What is it? Did you cut your fingers off while trimming the hedges or something? Do you need me to call you an ambulance?"

"What? No! It's something freakier! You're not gonna believe it! I think some of the employees here are demons!"

"Oh, yeah, I know."

"You know?!"

"Yeah. I met one, the elevator operator. They seemed nice enough. They told me there are a couple of angels too."

"Why didn't you tell me?!"

"You were out doing your groundskeeper duties. I didn't wanna bother you. Besides, I was doing my own job too. Anyway, I'll leave you to whatever else you need to do. Talk to you later." And she hung up.

Barney ran his fingers through his neon blue hair with a sigh. "Okay. Well, I'm sure we can make this work," he told Pugsley with an uneasy smile.

Pugsley let out a whine of concern, to which Barney responded by patting him on the head. "Hey, don't worry, Pugs. It's not like any of those demons are really gonna hurt us."

"And if any demons do try to hurt the dog, they'd have to answer to me and my family." Blitz walked up to them. "Hi. Name's Blitz with a silent o."

"Uh, Barney. He/him pronouns. Pleased to meet you." Barney shook the demon's hand to be polite.

"So, you're one of the new humans, right? Courtney, he's the elevator operator, wanted me to invite you to a thing that she's hosting tonight in the hotel's rec room."

"Okay. Cool. Will there be a DJ?"

"Well, I don't know about a DJ, but there will be free food, and a special guest. Can't say who because it's supposed to be a surprise, but it's gonna be awesome. "

"Alright. I'll definitely be there. What time does it start?"

"I think about 9 o'clock, 10 o'clock."

Barney stood up to get back to his work. "That sounds a little late, but I'll definitely try to make it."

"Great! Hope to see you then, and make sure to wear something nice. Our guest loves seeing people dressed up for him."

Norma had just finished her shift, and she was now sitting in the lobby, waiting for her mom to come pick her up. Not once had she ever considered the idea that she might end up working at a resort hotel full of demons and angels, real ones at that! Thinking about it, it wasn't really as dangerous or overly exhilarating as she thought it might be. Angels and demons really weren't all that different from humans as it turned out. Most of them even looked like regular humans, though Courtney and some of the other demon employees said that they were wearing glamor. There was also apparently a rule that said angels and demons had to be disguised as humans in order not to scare off any human clientele, even if some of them like Courtney didn't bother to follow it themselves. ("Most humans are dumb enough to just assume I'm wearing a costume.")

She heard a ping sound, and took her phone out of her pocket to see that she got a text from her mom.

"Hello, my blossom! I will be running a little late because I had to work overtime. Please be safe. I love you 3"

She decided to go outside and wander around the grounds for a bit while she waited for her mom. Some fresh air would be nice after being indoors for most of the day. That's when she heard the sound of a dog whining. She looked around with her phone's flashlight, and saw Pugsley sitting there tied to a tree in the resort's garden. It looked like she was going to have to kill Barney.

After taking a shower, brushing his teeth, and putting on his pajamas, Barney settled in for the night in his sleeping bag. "Night-night, Pugsley." Barney's eyes snapped open as the realization dawned on him. "Pugsley! I left Pugsley outside!" He leapt to his feet and ran out the door. "I am the worst human being alive. I should head over to the nearest police station and turn myself in." He bumped into Norma, who was holding Pugsley in her arms.

"You left your dog outside."

"Norma! I thought you left already."

"My mom's running late. Why are you in your pajamas?"

"Uh…"

"You have been staying here overnight, haven't you?"

"I…"

She shoved Pugsley back into his owner's arms. "I can't believe you lied to me! You said everything at home was okay!"

"I'm sorry, okay, Norma? It was wrong of me to lie, I know, but I didn't want you to worry about me."

Norma crossed her arms. "Whatever."

"Hey! Barney!" Both human teenagers turned to see a short demon with big, black-and-white-striped horns and red skin covered in white splotches. "Great! You're still here! Come on! Our special guest is arriving soon!" The demon grabbed the bottom Barney's shirt and tugged.

"Oh, yeah. I totally forgot about that."

"Hey, eyebrow girl. You coming too?"

"Actually, I was just about to head home."

"Come on, dear! The fun is just about to begin! It wouldn't do to miss out." A tall, sharp-dressed owl demon appeared behind Norma and started pushing her.

Being unable to work up the nerve to speak her mind, Norma just let herself be pushed through the corridor against her will. Eventually, they wound up in the rec room, where a large group of demons was gathered, talking amongst each other or enjoying refreshments from a couple of snack tables that were set up.

Courtney approached them. "Hey, guys! So glad you could make it! Norma, I wasn't expecting you to change your mind. Who's your blue-haired friend? He looks fleshy." She poked his belly.

"Uh, thanks… I think," Barney said.

"This is Barney, and I was brought here against my will by this freaky British owl dude." She jabbed a thumb in the direction of said freaky British owl dude.

"Oh, yeah, that's Stolas. He's the famous Goetia demon I told you about in the elevator, remember?"

"Charmed, I'm sure," the owl demon said. "You've met my assistant, Blitz. He's by far the best I could ask for."

The splotchy-skinned demon smiled up at him. "You got that right, birdbrain."

Stolas gestured to the snack table where another owl demon stood listening to music on a pair of headphones and a canine demon looked at her smartphone while eating what looked like a giant drumstick. There were also two short red demons, one male and one female, drinking some punch and being content to enjoy each other's company. "And over by the refreshments table are my daughters, Octavia and Loona, as well as Blitz's little imp friends Moxxie and Millie."

"Associates," Blitz corrected.

"Okay, guys. Y'all can go ahead and mingle for a bit before our special guest arrives." Courtney waved them off.

Barney, still holding Pugsley, went to talk to a lanky pink-and-white spider demon and a cyclops woman with wild magenta hair, leaving Norma to gravitate towards the owl demon's daughters.

"So, were you guys dragged here by your dad against your will like I was?"

The owl girl lifted one headphone out of the way. "Were you talking to me?"

"Yes."

"Yeah. He said something about how every demon should meet the almighty Temeluchus at least once."

"Who?" Suddenly, there was a green glow bleeding into the rec room, which Norma soon realized was coming from the elevator stationed across from the rec room's glass doors.

Courtney ran right over to them. "Temeluchus! Chieftain of Torment! Ruler of the Tartaruchi! Here he comes, people! Let's open up the rec room doors and let him in!" And he and Blitz did just that.

Vaggie was taking a nice stroll around the corridors of the hotel with Charlie, enjoying the quiet of the resort now that most of the employees had gone home for the night and the guests were in their rooms. There weren't any humans around, so they could freely walk around with their glamor off without fear of being seen by anyone, Vaggie's slate gray skin and stark white hair prominently on display.

"The new humans are taking the resort well so far, huh?" Vaggie said as she stretched her arms and what was currently left of her wings. She'd been making good progress growing them back since she and Charlie moved to Earth, though she sensed she still had a way to go before they were fully reformed. "I haven't really heard anything from our demon or angel employees about them running away screaming when they learned about the true nature of this place."

"I know! We're one step closer to getting humans, angels, and demons to coexist peacefully after so many eons of hatred and fear!"

"I still don't know if all that hatred and fear will just go away on its own." Vaggie smiled at Charlie. "But I have to admit the resort was actually a pretty great idea." And she kissed her on the cheek.

"So what do you think Courtney needed the rec room for?"

"I don't know."

There was a green glow in the distance.

Oh, fuck no, they didn't.

"Isn't that elevator supposed to be out of order?" Charlie asked uneasily.

Vaggie summoned her spear and grabbed Charlie's hand, running to the rec room as fast as they could. "Come on, we gotta move before something happens!"

After so many years as self-appointed ambassador of the Neutral Plane, Courtney still couldn't believe that he would get to witness the Temeluchus in person. To say he was excited would be a massive understatement. "Okay, everyone! Best behavior! Or worst! He is the Chieftain of Torment after all!"

"Courtney!" Charlie and Vaggie stood at the entrance of the rec room, Vaggie holding her spear and scowling and Charlie nervously wringing her hands and glancing back at the elevator.

"Oh, hey, your highness, her highness' girlfriend. Did you come to see Temeluchus pick his new flesh vessel too? 'Cause you're just in time!"

"WHAT?!" the two humans present cried.

"Calm your tits! He's only gonna possess one of you!"

"We don't want him possessing anyone! " Vaggie barked. "We're shutting this little soirée of yours down!"

"Come on! Do you know how hard it was to get him to use this portal? He almost went with one that led to Cardiff! Cardiff!"

"Yeah!" Blitzø piped up. "Have you ever even been to Cardiff? Because I haven't."

"Courtney, we've talked about this!" Charlie said. "It's this sort of thing that gives demons a bad name! I want you to tell Temeluchus that the bodies of everyone at this resort are off-limits."

Then, in all of its wicked glory, the dark suit of armor which acted as the current vessel of Temeluchus' soul emerged from the portal, green fire blazing from the armor's neck hole.

"Welcome, your travesty! You're probably gonna be a little disappointed, but there's been a slight change in plans."

Vaggie pointed her spear at the demon king as her undersized wings flared on her back. "You're not welcome here. This resort was made with the intention of promoting peace between Earth, Heaven, and Hell, and you taking one of these innocent humans to be your new flesh vessel is only going to undermine that."

"That's right," Charlie said. "With all due respect, your travesty, I'm afraid you'll have to go elsewhere."

Then Alastor grabbed a pug from Barney's arms that Courtney just remembered was also present despite the resort's no-pets policy. "But it would be quite rude to send our special guest away without any compensation, so why not possess this dog? That is, if you don't mind?"

"What?! No!" "Alastor!" "You monster!" "Oh, by the Divine, that's low even for you."

The flame in Temeluchus' armor vessel flew into the pug's face, entering all of its orifices as the Chieftain of Torment's spirit possessed it. The pug glowed green and floated midair for a few seconds before falling onto the ground.

Barney ran over and picked the pug up in his arms. "Pugsley? Are you okay, boy?"

Barney swallowed thickly as he fretted that the worst might have happened. Pugsley's body felt heavy in his arms; the poor dog barely seemed to be breathing. He was never going to forgive Alastor for what he just pulled.

Pugsley suddenly opened his eyes, which glowed an eerie, unnatural bright yellowish-green. "Unhand me!"

Barney dropped the pug on the ground in his shock, and to more of his shock, Pugsley started levitating.

"I am the almighty Temeluchus! King of Tartarus! Chieftain of Torment! You shall all kneel before me." He pointed to the wolf lady who was taking out her phone, presumably to take a picture. "Hey! No photographs! I see that phone. Put it away before I destroy it and you! " She let out a growl before doing as she was told.

Courtney and Stolas bowed. "Your travesty," Courtney began. "I know your new flesh vessel isn't exactly conventional, but I hope you appreciate it all the same. Now, is there anything else for you which we can provide?"

"A throne! So that I may rule over this pathetic excuse for a Plane and shape it into a second Tartarus! You will tell me where I can find one!"

"Well, there's the one in Camelot Creek in Phoenix Park, but–"

"Perfect! I shall sit upon it and start making my new kingdom!" And Pugsley flew off through the corridor and into the night.

"Pugsley!"

"Never meet your heroes," Courtney said. "This is like Marilyn Manson all over again."

"What the hell did you do to my dog?!" Barney demanded.

"That's not your dog anymore, blue. The spirit of Temeluchus has possessed him and completely taken over his body."

"So Pugsley's possessed by a demon and there's no getting him back?!" Barney covered his face as he started to cry. "Oh my god. I can't believe this happened."

He felt a hand awkwardly patting his shoulder. "It'll be okay, Barney," Norma assured. "At least it was your dog and not one of us."

"You don't understand. Pugsley's not just a dog, he's my family. And he's the only family who's always had my back." Barney wiped his tears away as his eyebrows furrowed in determination. "And I'm not gonna lose him." And he took off running, ignoring the voices calling his name.

Barney took off running, leaving everyone else to stand around, at a loss for what to do next.

"So, what do we do now?" Norma asked. "Is there any way to stop this demon?"

"I don't know," Courtney replied. "There isn't really any information on him. He's the most elusive of all eight rulers of the Hellish Planes."

"There aren't even any pictures of him in my or Fingers' books," Stolas said. "'To look upon him is to die', as they say."

"But we all looked at him, and we're all still alive," Norma pointed out. "What if he was just making that up to keep people from taking a picture of him? He did threaten to destroy the wolf girl's phone when she tried."

"My name's Loona, asshole," Loona growled.

"Of course it is, sweetie," Blitzø said as he reached up to scratch her behind the ears.

"Why wouldn't he want people taking pictures of him, though?" Vaggie asked.

"I think I have a theory. Come on, to Camelot Creek! No smartphones necessary!" Norma ran off in Barney's direction, Charlie and Vaggie following close behind.

"Okay! You guys go ahead," Courtney called back. "I guess the rest of us'll stay here and start cleaning up."

"So, uhh, how do we move that?" Blitzø asked, pointing to Temeluchus' recently-vacated armor vessel, which still stood there.

After running all around the resort calling out for his precious fur baby, Barney eventually wound up in the middle of Phoenix Park. "Pugsley! Here, boy! Where are you?! Pugsley! " But this wasn't Pugsley. This was a demon king piloting Pugsley's body, and what he was looking for was a throne. If he remembered correctly, Courtney said there was one in Camelot Creek. He followed the signs pointing to it before finding the demon king reclining in the throne at the Sir Logs-a-Lot ride while wearing a prop crown and cape.

"There you are!"

"Bravo, you found me. Surely, you haven't come to challenge the mighty Temeluchus? You look like a pillow taken human form."

"Yeah, well, you look like a big… ugly…" Barney sighed in defeat. "I can't do it. Pugsley, you're my beautiful furry son."

"Your 'beautiful furry son' is no more! His body is mine now!"

"Then take mine instead!"

"Capital idea! Your body was going to be my first choice as a flesh vessel before the deer demon suggested this dog." Balls of green fire manifested around his paws. "Let's see if you're strong enough to resist this body in combat."

"I am not fighting my own dog."

"I told you, your dog is gone! All that is left is Temeluchus! " The demon king charged at Barney as he ran for his life and dodged the fireballs that flew at him.

Barney ducked into one of the logs in the log flume.

"You cannot hide from me in there, human! You will come out and fight!"

"Barney!" Barney looked up to see Norma standing there.

"Norma! When did you get here?"

"I just got here a minute ago," Norma answered. "I have an idea! GetPugsley–"

"My name is Temeluchus! "

"Or Temeluchus, whatever, onto the log flume."

"Come out of that paltry water vessel and show me what you're capable of!"

Barney stood up. "Fine. You wanna fight me, demon king, so be it. But we have to fight in the log, and you can't use your powers. We have to keep it even."

"Alright, human. If it's a fair fight you want, then it's a fair fight you shall get."

The demon king stepped forward before Barney suddenly grabbed him and sat down to start rubbing Pugsley's belly. "Hey! What do you think you're–?!" The demon king was cut off as dog started panting and kicking his hind leg. Barney knew Pugsley was still in there somewhere.

Norma ran off, and the safety bars on the ride slammed down. The log started slowly moving forward, before picking up speed and careening down the flume. Barney held onto Pugsley as tight as he could. There was no way he was losing him tonight, whether by an evil demon king hijacking his body, or by getting his neck broken on a ride he was too small for. There was the sudden flash of a camera and the sound of the demon king's screaming devolving into high-pitched howling as his soul was sucked out of his pug's body.

Soon, the ride was over, and Barney stood up and stepped off the ride with Pugsley in his arms.

Norma, Charlie, and Vaggie ran over to meet with them. "Did it work?" Norma asked. "Has Temeluchus been destroyed?"

"Only one way to find out." Barney gently rubbed Pugsley's cheek with his thumb to wake him up. "Pugsley? You okay there, buddy?"

The dog slowly opened his eyes, and turned his head to lick his owner's fingers.

Barney let out a chuckle. "Yeah. It worked. How'd you come up with that plan?"

"I thought of it after Stolas and Courtney said he didn't have any known weakness and that there weren't any pictures of him," Norma answered. "I guessed the reason for that was that taking a photo of him would somehow kill him, or at least weaken him. So you've basically got me to thank for saving your dog."

The Watcher stood on the roof of the hotel, observing the humans who would soon be his newest challengers from afar. "Hot tamales. These humans really could have what it takes to join the fight." He stroked his chin. "Though it's still a little too early to be sure. I'd better put them through the test." And he disappeared.

"You've also got us to thank for starting the ride back up so Temeluchus could have his photo taken in the first place," Vaggie said.

"Oh! Which reminds me." Charlie took a strip of photos out of her pocket and handed them to Barney. "I thought you might want a souvenir from tonight's little adventure."

The blue-haired human took them in one hand as he held onto Pugsley with the other. "Thanks! I'll keep these somewhere safe."

Vaggie looked over at them. "It looks like Temeluchus' soul is missing a piece. I wonder where that ended up."

Barney brought his dog into a hug. "I'm just glad Pugsley's safe and sound."

Norma got a notification on her phone, and took it out to look at the text she got. "I just got a text from my mom. She's here to pick me up. I'll see you guys tomorrow!" And she ran off.

"Bye, Norma!" Everyone waved goodbye.

"So, I think we all deserve a nice long rest," Charlie said as she stretched her arms over her head. "What do you think?"

"Sounds good to me, hon," Vaggie replied, giving her girlfriend a side hug.

Charlie looked at Barney and Pugsley. "Though there's also the matter of what we're gonna do with Alastor for… you know."

"Well, I mean, there's always the option to kill the bastard, string him up, cut him open and pull out his intestines as he slowly bleeds out."

Charlie gave her a sly smile. "Vaggie!"

"Joking, joking!" Vaggie paused in thought. "Though, I mean, stringing him up is at least a nice thought."

"Well, if you think he should be strung up, you're perfectly free to do that in your own time."

"Works for me." The angel woman stifled a yawn. "Right now, though, I'd like to get some sleep." Charlie nodded in agreement.

"Me too," Barney said. "I'll see you guys in the morning." He walked away before he felt someone grab his shoulder.

"Hey."

"Yeah?"

"You weren't thinking of sleeping in the luggage room again, were you?" Vaggie asked.

"Yeah. I didn't wanna take up too much space at the hotel."

"You really should have an actual bedroom," Charlie said. "With a bed and all the other necessities. You deserve to be treated with respect."

"You mean it?"

"Of course she means it," Vaggie said. "We don't let any of our other employees sleep on the floor like animals."

"Thank you. Can Pugsley have his own bed too?"

"We'll see what we can do."

After getting Barney situated in his new room, Charlie and Vaggie were in their own room getting ready for bed.

"So what do you think will happen going forward?" Vaggie asked Charlie as she changed into her nightgown. "I mean, we still don't know where the missing piece of Temeluchus' soul is. Shit's probably gonna start hitting the fan harder than it ever has before, and that's not even considering the things that have already happened before we brought on Barney and Norma."

"I'm sure we won't have anything to worry about," Charlie assured her girlfriend as she finished putting on her own pajamas and climbed into bed. "As long as we have each other, everything will turn out okay. Besides, I'm sure Fingers, Courtney, and Stolas all know what they're doing too."

Vaggie got into her side of the bed. "Well, I don't know about Courtney, but I think I can trust Fingers, and kinda trust Stolas. Speaking of Courtney, are you gonna talk to them at all about opening the portal to let Temeluchus in in the first place?"

"Of course. I'll talk to them tomorrow morning at breakfast."

Vaggie lay her head down on her pillow. "Good. Hopefully they'll listen."

Charlie let out a quiet chuckle as she lay her head on her own pillow. "Goodnight, Vaggie."

"Goodnight, Charlie."

Barney set Pugsley down in his new bed, which was just a big, extra soft pillow, before getting under the covers of his own new bed. They finally had a place of their own, and he was going to make the most of it, starting tomorrow.

"Night-night, Pugsley."

"Night-night, Barney."

Barney's eyes snapped open once more.